Travels of an Unexperienced Traffic Warden

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    Banana eating Gengar GengarEatBanana's Avatar
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    Cool Travels of an Unexperienced Traffic Warden

    Hi and this is my fanfic 'Travels of an Unexperienced Traffic Warden' It's only my first one so please be nice and give me back feedback and things I could improve on. Thanks a bunch.




  2. #2
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Travels of an Unexperienced Traffic Warden

    Considering this is your first attempt, this is pretty good!
    No major grammatical errors, and your backstory for the character was well presented and thought out, in the pokémon world, most writers ignore what we would think of as 'normal jobs'.
    Now, my few faults:
    No description, what does Malcolm look like? You gave a good idea of what the pokémon you introduced were, but try to describe them as if the reader has no idea what they are.
    Now, at the end, the scene with Tyranitar seemed a bit rushed, and you didn't portray the scale of the destruction all too well, but i could see what you were trying to get across.
    For a first go, very well done, I look forward to the next chapter.

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    Banana eating Gengar GengarEatBanana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Travels of an Unexperienced Traffic Warden

    Thanks it was really late at night when I finished it so the end is a bit rushed. Also I completely forgot about describing Malcolm, thanks I'll do that next time.

    I read tour Fanfic 'Seasons' it's really good I'd never of thought the Champions job was so tedious.

    Do you like the name? I was originaly going to call it 'Lost in Migration' because Malcolm was going to wake up on top of a Wailmer that was with it's family migrating towards Hoenn. But I'll just call the next chapter that.

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    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Travels of an Unexperienced Traffic Warden

    I do like the name, but I feel it will only fit for this chapter, even though it does describe it perfectly.
    Plus I feel this opening would have been better than waking up on a Wailmer, though if you include this in the next chapter, it wouldn't be a bad thing!

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