9th April 2009, 03:15 PM
Thruda High: 5 Episode Preview (PG-13, language, humor)
A short intro. before I get started.. I don't know how many actually remember, but I used to run a site called Pokemon Tales/Pokemon eXtreme/The Apokelypse in the late 90s and early 00s. I also used to write a lil' fic by the name of Pokemon Tales as well. It started out more as a parody to the anime show at first, but people liked it and over time it developed into something interesting and little more serious. I was looked at being a leader in the pokemon fanfic community back in the day and I remember having a pretty nice fanbase that was very loyal.
Time went on and I wasn't able to update the series as much as I was getting further into high school (I started the fic when I was 13). I got to 87 episodes before I decided to suspend the series indefinitely back in 2005. I decided it would be best to start from scratch and introduce the fic to a new audience eventually.
So what is Thruda High? It's a teen drama/comedy that takes place in the late 90s in a fictional city in Washington state called Thruda. It's what high school life would be if pokemon existed lol. There is some language and crude humor, so if you're sensitive to that stuff, uh, don't bother me about it cuz i just told you lol.
Below are the first five episodes I've written.
THRUDA HIGH, EPISODE ONE - "THE FRESHMAN"
He carefully plans his next move. One false move and the next four years of his natural life would be agonizing. As a bead of sweat begins to trickle down from his black hair onto his brow, he becomes confused; an obstacle stands in his way.
Dash: (thinking) What the hell? This doesn't make any sense...
Dash is taking the same test every freshman at Thruda High must take before their year starts. The "Introductory Mental Pokémon Ability and Comparability Test", often referred to by students as the "IMPACT", probes the would-be trainer to see which type of pokémon they're most suited for, if any. It's a rather time consuming test that takes around seven hours to complete and there is no real way to study for it since it asks completely random, and sometimes ridiculous, questions. The IMPACT is also seen as being more important and stressful for students than taking the SATs before graduation. Part of this reason is because depending on pokémon you get can make or break you. Yes, the test is designed to get a creature that would fit you perfectly, but there have been cases of when somebody totally freaks out and messes up the entire test process -- thus leaving them with an inadequate pocket monster at their disposal.
Fearing the worst and hoping for the best, Dash continues to ponder over the next inquiry as he sits in a room with three other students on this Wednesday afternoon. By this point in time, he was on the last page of the 150 page packet.
Dash: (thinking) "If you had to, would you rather walk through a house on fire or a house full of month old decomposing human bodies?" What the -- ?! Fuck this...
Frustrated and restless, he quickly circles any answer and puts his pencil down. After taking a deep sigh of relief, he looks at the clock to his left then looks at his digital wrist watch.
Dash: (thinking) Six hours and forty-five minutes... Wait, I think my ass is asleep... (wiggles in chair a bit) ... but I'm DONE.
Dash gets up and hands the thick packet to a 30 something year old professor named Terrance Redwood. Although he is near his mid 30's, he could pass as a somebody in their late 20's if he dyed his hair to hide the premature graying going on. He likes the gray mop as he is a subscriber to the belief that gray hair equates to wisdom. Additionally, he jokes that "the chicks dig it", even though he his single and has been for awhile because his work often gets in the way of a personal life.
Prof. Redwood: Ah, Mr. Gotem, you finally finished!
Dash is still trying to get the blood circulating back to his backside by moving his limbs around a bit.
Dash: (stretches) Yeeeah... (exhales) ... A lot of that stuff didn't make sense.. Um, no offense, sir.
Prof. Redwood: None taken. It's meant to get a grasp on how you think in certain situations.
Redwood, a man who studies pokémon for a living, works with several universities across the country by doing on going research projects and is seen as a "celebrity" in some ways. He's appeared on several national news networks whenever discussion on the affect of global warming on endangered pokémon or anything that needs an "expert's opinion" is being discussed. Being a native of Thruda, and even graduating from Thruda High School himself, he collaborated with the district to make a standardized test to streamline the process of young trainers getting their first pokémon. It was first introduced in 1993 and is quickly becoming the norm for high schools across America to require this before entry.
Dash: Okay, but what does a house full of flames or a bunch of stinky, decaying bodies have to do with anything?
Prof. Redwood chuckles before answering the question.
Prof. Redwood: Like I said Mr. Gotem, it's to figure out how you reason and make decisions. Some of it is kinda crazy, I agree, but so is the human mind when you think about it.
He begins to flip through the test as Dash picks up his bookbag. He puts it on, but only uses the right strap.
Dash: Uhh.. yeeeah.. So, when do I get the thing?
Prof. Redwood: If by "thing" you mean your "pokémon", then on your first day of school. Assuming you've paid your fees and have received your materials already..
Prof. Redwood: Good. Then I'll run these results through my computer later today. You're free to go now, but I would suggest you brush up on your training knowledge since every freshman is required to take atleast two pokémon classes in addition to their the usual academic load.
Dash: It can't be that hard can it?
Redwood puts the test aside in a filing drawer in his desk.
Prof. Redwood: You are aware that 35% of the freshmen class here FAIL, aren't you? This isn't middle school where you just showed up, did some classes, and went home. You're going to --
Dash, being over confident and somewhat cocky, cuts him off mid-sentence.
Dash: Blah blah blah... I've heard this song and dance since 6th grade. I'm 13, I think I can handle things on my own now. Big deal, I have to teach some electrified rat how to use a litter box... I'm so afraid. (laughs) Get real!
Prof. Redwood: I think you're talking about a Pikachu. And for the record, it's a mouse, not a rat.
The young trainer scoffs.
Dash: Um, who cares?
The professor just shakes his head as Dash leaves the class room. He was taking the IMPACT at Thruda High, where earlier that day he received his class schedule and pokédex. He didn't really care too much for the pokédex and just threw the box in his bookbag without opening it. Mainly because it was a "barebones, school safe" pokédex. Most older trainers, like the ones who are juniors and seniors, get the ones with "hip" features like mp3 playback or instant messaging. Having such standard, low-end pokédexes is a big give away that you're a freshman or a "n00b".
As Dash continued to walk down the empty hallways on this August afternoon in 1998, he imagined how his high school life would be. He stopped to briefly think about what the professor had told him as he absorbed the scenery, then continued to exit the building and walk home.
Around 15 minutes later, Dash walks in his front door and is greeted by immediately getting tackled by his older, more muscular brother named Mash who was wearing nothing more than a pair of green camo's and a gray, sweat stained tank top that hid his dog tags. He's currently on leave from the Marines, but Dash had no clue he was home yet. He does now, though...
Mash: (getting up) WHAT'S UP, MOTHER FUCKA?!?!
Believe it or not, that was a happy greeting. Dash, who got the wind knocked out him, groans while laying in a fetal position on the floor near the door.
Mash: Oh get up, you puss. I barely hit you!
His younger brother then sits up very slowly.
Dash: (rubbing the back of his head) ......... My day was fine... Thanks for asking, you douchebag.
Mash: Mom cooked dinner. Porkchop night.
Dash: (standing up) Oh sweet, I'm so hun---
Mash: Oh oh, I ate it all. I didn't think you were coming home, man. Ha, I'm a growing boy. (flexes)
Dash: What the hell? Didn't she tell you I was at school taking the IMPACT?!
Mash doesn't answer. Instead, he just stares at his younger brother with a stern look.
The military hardened sibling of his can't contain himself any longer and starts to bust out laughing.
Dash: What's so freaking funny? (takes off bookbag and throws it on the ground in anger)
Mash: (laughing) Yeah, she did tell me. I just ate your food to piss you off. Looks like I did. SCORE!
He tries to take a swing at Mash, which is a bad idea to begin with because he stands 6'5" and looks like he can bench press a city bus, but swinging at a Marine is asking to get your arm broken or worse. Before Dash could fully extend his arm with the punch, Mash already had him in a sleeper hold. He would have made Dash lose consciousness within the next few seconds, but their mother walked in holding a basket of laundry. The choke hold gets released before she got to really see what was going on.
Their mom: Oh Dash, you're home.
Now, Dash is leaning against the nearest wall rubbing his neck area while breathing heavily.
Their mom: Are you alright?
Dash: NO! For your information, I ---
Mash gives him a scary look from behind their mom's back.
Dash: Uhh... I got chased by an angry Growlithe on the way home? I'm.. fine? (shrugs)
Mash nods his approval and walks away. He went upstairs to his room.
Their mom: Well, make sure you make your brother feel at home for the next week. He's been away for so long.
Dash picks up his bookbag.
Dash: It's not like he was in a war or anything. The dude was in Canada on assignment... CANADA! Doesn't their military handle things?
His dad walks in.
Dash's dad: What military?
Dash: Touché. (begins to walk into the kitchen)
Dash's dad: (following Dash) So how was the test?
Dash: It was pretty lame. Don't you remember how the test was? I thought you took it when you were in high school.
He grabs a Pepsi and closes the refrigerator.
Dash's dad: Actually I never really trained a pokémon in life.
Dash: What? But I thought you had a Nidorina until I was like three. (opens Pepsi, takes a sip)
Dash's mom: He did, but it was just a pet. Your father never had a license to train them for combat.
Dash: Are you serious? So if we would have had some crazy guy break into the house, we would have been screwed?
Dash's dad: Basically. I mean, pokémon all have the natural ability to fight in the wild, but their abilities can't get past their beginning levels unless a human trains them. But why would I train a pokémon to fight when I don't need to? Plus, I didn't have the time or energy to get a license and read books on how to train one.
Dash: Oh, so I have to?
He takes off his bookbag and sits down at the table.
Dash's mom: Hey, we didn't make the rules. We just follow them. If you passed the IMPACT, you'll get your license on the first day of school, right?
There are four different licenses a trainer can acquire over time. You don't need a license to own one as a pet, but you can only have three in your household at a given time that way. Depending on which one they possess determines what kind of pokémon they can train and the number they can legally own. Beginners get the "Alpha license" which restricts them to only obtaining two pokémon for training/fighting purposes. Alpha trainers can own general, domesticated pokémon like a Growlithe, Pikachu, or Squirtle due to their shallow learning curves and ease of capture. Almost none are in the wild here in the United States and can simply be purchased at a pet store in most cases.
The second license would be "Beta". These trainers can own an additional two, which brings the count up to four. Betas can now pick from the second tier of general pokémon that may be too much to handle for the beginner and have advanced natural abilities. Next there's the "Sigma license" that allows a master trainer to get exotic pokémon that are not fit as pets by any means. Sigma's can also basically own up to 6 of any kind of pokémon they please. This can sometimes take years to acquire and only a handful of devoted seniors at Thruda High are Sigmas. Finally we have the "Omega license" which is reserved for trainers on the professional level. Omegas generally own battle hardened pokémon and can have a max of eight at their disposal. The boundaries are similar to a Sigma because they own any type they please. To put in better perspective, it's like having a black belt in Karate.
Most trainers either give up and let their license expire after high school or just don't get past their Beta license. Training is more of a hobby that can turn into a profession if developed properly, but most people just take up combat training for self defense purposes. The military and law enforcement mostly consist of a mix of Betas and Sigmas for various reasons. To move up a license depends on your win/loss record in dojos or sanctioned battles and overall knowledge of the species.
Dash: Yeah, I get my wimpy Alpha license on Monday.
Dash's dad: You gotta start somewhere. So, do you know what kind of pokémon you want?
Dash drinks more of his carbonated beverage before answering.
Dash: Anything that's not girly. I think I'll shoot myself if I get a Pikachu.
Dash's mom: Plenty of guys own Pikachu's.
Dash: Yeah, the gay ones. I want something scary! Something that'll make everyone who messes with me crap their pants when they see it! Something like, I dunno, an Onix.
Both of Dash's parents have thoughts of the gigantic rock snake Onix being out of control and destroying their house. Insert big anime sweat drops here...
Dash's dad: Uhhh... let's hope you get some something less destructive at first.
As the week ended and the weekend approached, Dash figured it would be a good idea to hop on the internet and start studying up on pokémon training more. He's never been that eager to start the training process, but since he's taking "Pokémon Training 1" (PT-1) and "Pokéology 1" -- standard freshman classes at Thruda High -- he might as well get decent grades in them. Mash then storms into the room with a cordless phone in his hand.
Dash: Can I help you?
Mash: I need to call my girlfriend.
Dash: Then do it.
Mash stick the phone up to Dash's ear and turns it on again. The loud, obnoxious screeches of 56k pierce the air.
Dash: HEY! (swats phone away from his ear)
Mash: I can't do it with you on the internet, retard. So get off already -- this is important business.
Dash: I'm busy.
Mash: Doing what, looking up porn?
Dash: NO, I'm looking up pokémon stuff.
Mash: Oh sorry, didn't know you were into that beastiality shit.
Dash looks like he's about to respond, but just turns back around in his computer chair instead of holding a pointless conversation with his brother.
Mash: But seriously, get off the internet. Like, right now.
Dash: Like I said, dumbass, I'm busy! Give me around 30 minutes. Who cares about your girlfriend anyways?
Mash looks around.
Mash: Um, me? I haven't seen her since last Christmas.
Dash: Are you sure she even wants to talk to you? When's the last time you got a letter from her anyways?
Mash: Damn. Hmm.. I can't remember. But uh, our relationship was on a solid foundation before I left.
Dash starts to chuckle a bit.
Dash: I'm sorry dude, but she's probably seeing somebody else right now. (starts laughing more) Probably some sailor who does more than pick up moose shit in Toronto for eight months haha.
He's laughing so hard he had his eyes closed for a few seconds. When he opens them again, his brother is gone.
Dash: What the -- ? Ma --
Mash: TAKE THAT BACK!!
Being the crazy Marine he is, he magically popped up out of nowhere holding a combat knife to Dash's throat.
Dash: HOLY SH--
Mash: SHUT UP!!
Dash: (looking down at the knife, shaking) What the hell did the Marines do to you? Make you some psycho ninja?!
Mash is now turning red with anger.
Mash: GET OFF THE INTERNET!
Dash: (still shaking) But --
Mash grips the knife tighter and even more veins bulge from his neck and forehead.
Mash: (spitting as he screams) NOW, ASS PUKE!!
Dash: (looking at the knife, shaking) G-g-got ya...
He signs off AOL immediately to free up the phone line. Mash returns to his normal complexion, pats his brother on the head, and puts his knife back into his boot before walking away.
Dash: (under his breath) She broke up with your crazy ass anyways...
Monday, August 24th, 1998. The time is now 7:50 A.M. and the the weather outside looks as if it can start raining any second. Dash apparently didn't catch today's forecast as he's wearing a pair of somewhat baggy black shorts and his usual black, short sleeved t-shirt with a simple lightning bolt design in the center ala "The Flash" (although, to be fair, he has the same shirt in every standard color you can imagine -- he just prefers black). He's now on his way to his first day at Thruda High. As he walks he's listening to his Sony Discman. The song "Closing Time" by Semisonic is currently providing the soundtrack for his hike to class. A few seconds later, a drop of water falls onto his hair.
Dash: Man, are you serious?! (wipes forehead)
He looks up towards the sky and a few more drops of rain fall on his forehead.
Dash: (taking off his headphones) Dammit, I just spent 20 minutes on my hair! ... Wow, I really sounded like a girl just now.
Still not wanting to get his hair messed up since it's mostly styled with hairspray and gel, he takes out a binder from his bookbag and holds it over his head as the rain starts to come down at a steady pace.
Dash: Oh well, a little rain isn't enough to keep me from enjoying this day. Today is the first day of the rest of my life!
The excitement would last long because a second later a car drove by and splashed a puddle of water all over him. He puts his binder down as he observes his soaked clothes in disbelief.
Dash: ........ Okay, that sucked ass.
He looks around as sees the school around the corner before looking at his watch. The rain continues to pour, but now thunder can be heard at a low rumble in the sky.
Dash: Shit, I don't have enough time to run home to change clothes without being late to PT-1. Oooh, I know! I'll just use one of those stupid hand dryer things in the restroom.
Dash walks up to the school and everyone outside the building waiting for classes to start begin laughing at him. To hide his identity as he walked towards the entrance, he puts his binder over the left side of his face and hangs his head low. Even with the (crappy) disguise, he still attracts a crowd of laughing upperclassmen as he sloshes and drips his way down the halls. The soon-to-be Alpha trainer desperately looks for a male restroom. The more people laugh at him, the faster he walks. In his hasty expedition, he quickly turns a corner and runs into a girl accidentally -- sending her flying backwards into a nearby trash can.
Dash: Oh shit! (puts down bookbag and binder, walks over to the trash can) Look... I'm so sor --
Girl: (In trash can) Um, it's alright? Guys who are soaking wet knock me into bins of garbage all the time.
For a brief moment he seems to be relieved about his situation.
Girl: (trying to get out of trash can) NO, not really. Uhh, a little help here?
Dash: Oh.. sure.
Dash helps the girl, who had dark green eyes and matching emerald colored hair, out the garbage. It's now easily seen that she is wearing a white and green plaid shirt worn unbuttoned with a tight green tank top that stops above her navel underneath, baggy black cargo pants with green trim, and a pair of sandals. She seems pretty short, as she's a little over 5 feet tall
Girl: (dusting herself off) This is great..
Dash: What is? Me knocking you into a bunch of crap?
Girl: Nah, I mean you look like you lost a fight with a Blastoise and I probably smell like the city dump now. What a way to start off your first day of high school, huh? (smiles)
Dash nervously smiles back as he takes another look at his dripping clothes.
Dash: Yeah... (sarcastically) This totally kicks ass.
Girl: Oh, I'm Lara by the way. Lara Garfield.
Lara: Yeah.. Just, uh, without a "U". People always spell my name like "L-A-U-R-A".. It drives me completely bonkers.
Dash just nods slowly.
Lara: Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse my rambling side banter... (smiles) I have a habit of doing that. So, what's your name?
Dash: Dash Gotem.
Lara: What? Gotem? What is that, German or something?
Dash: I don't really know actually. My grandfather is Japanese, my dad is Japanese-American and my mom is Irish.
Lara: (laughing) You don't find it funny your last name is "Got-Em" and you're a pokémon trainer? Isn't that ironic? Haha.
Dash: Hey, blame my parents for the goofy name. I don't mean to cut our introduction to each other short, but I really need to dry these clothes off before class starts.
Lara: (turning around to look at the clock on the wall) Dash, unless you plan on hopping into a dryer, I don't think you're going to get that any better in seven minutes. Just go to class like that.
Dash rings out his shirt a bit.
Dash: ... And you're serious?
Lara: Um, yeah? It's not that bad of a look. Like I said, just say you got into a fight with a Blastoise haha, that'd give you instant cred with people since you're a new trainer and all. We need all the edge we can get around here.
Dash: I doubt getting bitch-slapped and hosed down by projectile cannons on a large and grumpy turtle is going to help my case any.
Lara: Hmph. Well, (pats Dash on the shoulder) you're screwed. (wipes wet hands on her clothes) I guess I'll go to PT-1 now. It was nice talking to you though. Maybe I'll see you later today... At lunch?
Dash: Wait, wait -- PT-1? That's my next class.. What class room are you in?
Lara: Hmm, I'm not sure.
She digs into her very deep left pocket and takes out her schedule for first semester.
Dash: Looks like we're classmates.
Lara smiles again.
Lara: I guess now we can get odd looks from people together then.
She begins walking to class. Dash takes one last look at his wet clothes and hesitantly follows her to Pokémon Training 1.
Dash and Lara barely make it on time to class since they had to walk nearly across the campus to get to room C-203 (plus, add in the usual "lost factor" with freshmen). Dash doesn't end up getting that much wetter since he walked under Lara's umbrella. The late bell rings as soon as they step foot inside the rather large class. As Lara predicted, they are getting odd looks. The only desks still available are in the back so they have to endure the humiliation of everyone seeing (and smelling) them as they walk there.
Lara: (whispering to Dash) How do I smell?
Dash: (whispering) Um, like a dumpster?
Lara sniffs her long, green hair.
Lara: (whispering) Damn... I do..
Dash accidentally drips some water on somebody's desk as he tries to squeeze through the aisles. The student gives him a weird look.
Dash: Sorry about that..
Finally the two of them reach the pair of desks. Dash ends up sitting behind Lara, so she turns around in her chair to talk to him.
Lara: Um, where's the teacher?
Dash: I dunno, but if he's not here in the next three minutes I'm climbing out the window to go home and change clothes.
Lara: You'll just get drenched again coming back.
She points outside to show Dash how horrible the weather has gotten.
Lara: You'll probably be dry by the end of the day.
Her new soaked friend just looks at her as if to say "yeah, right".
Lara: Well, okay.. you'll be damp instead. But that's an improvement, right?
Dash: You have no clue how embarrassed I feel right now... feels like everyone is talking about me.
Lara: Would you feel better if I got you a "Caution: Wet Floor" sign to put by your desk?
Dash: Depends if you'd feel better if I gave you a case of tomato juice to bathe in. (lightly laughs)
Lara: (playfully) Shut up.
A few moments later Sensei Watts, their teacher, walks into the room. He's rather large man, but not in an obese kind of way. Kind of like he had muscle in the past but just got out of shape -- which is what happened. Sensei Watts was a former professional wrestler in the 80's under the name of "The Wedgienator" Watts (his finishing move was giving his opponent an atomic wedgie from off the top rope). He didn't get much fame, aside from appearing on WWF Superstars one time when he lost to the Ultimate Warrior in a 30 second match. He blames his bad career on Hulk Hogan, often rambling on and on about how Hogan stole all his moves, and decided to take up pokémon combat training back in 1990.
Even though he hasn't stepped into a wrestling ring in nearly 9 years, he still wears a black and red lucha libre mask (even though his style of wrestling was the flashy showmanship flavor of North America vs the aerial based, death defying lucha style found in Mexico), walks around with a replica classic WWF Intercontinental championship belt (yet he never won the real thing.. He claims to have beaten the Ultimate Warrior for it in an untelevised match in New Mexico), and instead of the tight spandex he used to wear in the 80s, he wears a black karate gi. In addition to hating Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior, yet another ridiculous claim of his is that the "Macho Man" Randy Savage stole his voice since they both sound the same. He's been demanding royalties from the Slim Jim commercials since 1993. He's quite the character.
Dash: Holy crap, that's our teacher?!
Lara: He looks pretty easy to anger... I think I'm going to hide. (slumps in chair)
Sensei Watts: Welcome to Pokémon Training 1, or PT-1. For the next 10 months it is my job to transform you nobodies into something resembling a decent trainer. You will call me "Sensei" or "Sensei Watts"; anything else will result with a detention!
The camera zooms in closely on his face.
Sensei Watts: (talking low and menacing, eyes wandering from left to right) Or a steel chair to the head....... (screaming) OOOOH YEEeeAH! DIG IT!!
Dash: Yeah, this guy is officially nuts.
Somebody in the middle of the class raises their hand. Sensei automatically frowns as he looks over to that direction.
Sensei Watts: I don't think I remember asking for questions...
Student: But why do you go by "Sensei"?
Sensei Watts: Because I work at the Dojo, you idiot. I have my Sigma license and I'll be getting my Omega one in a few years. So if you turds want to move up a license, you're going to have to go through me! (screaming) SPACE IS THE PLACE, MEAN GENE!
Dash: Okay, what the fuck.
He gives an evil, very pro wrestler-esque, cackle as several students gulp loudly and slump in their chairs.
Lara: I hate this class already.
Sensei Watts: Oh yeah, let me introduce you to my friend. (talking low) yeeeeaaahh...mmm hmm (screaming) LIGHTS!!
Suddenly, the lights go out and "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns 'N Roses starts playing. Some laser lights start moving in sync with the music and dry ice fogs up the entrance as the Sensei's pokémon of choice, the four armed, super powered 286 pound heavyweight, Machamp, struts into the room in true pro wrestling fashion. The muscular 5'3" pokémon stands beside the 6'2" Sensei triumphantly with all four of it's arms crossed. The music stops and the lights come back on as the black cape Machamp is wearing flaps in the breeze... that is coming from God knows where.
Lara: Holy shit.
The students have their jaws dropped in complete awe.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) THIS IS THE TOWER OF POWER THAT'S TOO SWEET TO BE SOUR, STEP TO HIM AND HE WILL DEVOUR THEN GIVE THEE A GOLDEN SHOWER. YEEEAAHH!!!
Dash: I know I just said this... but... Okay, what the fuck.
Sensei Watts: MY TRUSTY MACHAMP -- CRUSHER!!
For those who don't know, pokémon only know how to vocalize their species type. Usually, the trainer can understand the gibberish due to their tight bond. This does take awhile, though.
Crusher looks across the room and looks disgusted as his cape continues to flap in the mysterious, unexplainable breeze.
Crusher: Machamp, ma! CHAAAMP! (These trainers are nothing compared to me! I WILL CRUSH THEM ALL WITH MY PINKY!)
Sensei Watts: He's insulting all of you, haha. I think I should go ahead and tell you that your final exam will be..... (screaming) FIGHTING HIM! DIG IT!!
The class gasps in horror as Crusher flexes all four of his arms.
Sensei Watts: Oh wait, I meant with your pokémon.. not you literally fighting him.
The class still does a collective groan.
Sensei Watts: Relax, he'll take it easy on you and you don't even have to beat him. As long as you are in full control of your pokémon and can show how well it can do under intense pressure, you'll pass. That said, he'll still hurt your pokémon haha. (looks on the floor, sees the train of water drops leading to Dash) YOU!
The former pro wrestler is pointing directly at Dash.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!
Sensei Watts takes out a Slim Jim from out of nowhere and chucks it straight at Dash's head. The rest of the class laughs.
Sensei Watts: (looking around, talking low) Do you need to snap into reality, little man? (screaming) YES, YOU!
Dash: (rubbing his head) Um, Dash?
Sensei Watts: (talking low) No...
Dash: (still rubbing his head) Excuse me, sir?
Sensei Watts: (screaming) NO! YOUR NAME IS NOW WATER BOY! CAN YOU FEEL THE MADNESS?! YEAH!!
His Machamp shakes his head in disagreement.
Crusher: Champ, cha, ma. (No, call him something else.)
While all this is going on, Lara is spraying herself down with perfume so she won't get some crazy nickname for the year for smelling like the garbage she fell in earlier.
Sensei Watts: Crusher here wants "Dash in the Back" to have a new name, yeeeaaah.. Well let me think... I see you like super heroes since you're wearing a "Flash" shirt.. (snaps fingers) GOT IT! You are now (screaming) AQUA MAN! DIG IT!!
Dash: Oh geez... (whispering to Lara) I told you I should have dried my clothes off! Now I'm going to be known as some reject super hero for the rest of the year!
Lara: (whispering) Well, I'm sorry.... Aqua Man. (laughs) Or should I say (makes kissy-fish face) "Bloop bloop bloop" HAHA!
Dash bangs his head on the desk as Lara laughs at her own joke.
After a few more minutes of pointless yelling and empty threat making by the Sensei, the class heads on over to Prof. Redwood's lab in the science building to pick up their first pokémon. Since the class is so large and the professor can only see one student at a time, there's a waiting room set up where we find Dash and Lara sitting by each other. They've been waiting for about 35 minutes now.
Lara: Hey, can you understand what they're saying?
Dash, who was staring at the floor, looks up to observe the room.
Dash: Understand what who's saying?
Lara points to a few fish in a tank beside them and laughs.
Dash: Would you stop it with the Aqua Man jokes?
Lara: Oh lighten up, you know it's hilarious!
He resumes looking at the floor.
Lara: You know what would be great? If you ended up with a Squirtle and it hated it you! Then you could come to class soaking wet every day! Haha!
Dash mocks her laugh before looking at his watch.
Dash: I'm going to go sit under a hand dryer in the restroom like I originally planned.
Lara: But Prof. Redwood is already in the G's.
Dash: I'm still way after you by last name anyways. I'll be back for my turn.
Dash gets up and heads for the door.
Sensei Watts: AQUA MAN!! Where are you going?
Dash stops walking and looks towards his teacher.
Dash: Um.. to the restroom?
Sensei Watts: (screaming) REMEMBER (talking low) if you fall into the toilet, do not yell for help.. (screaming) NO! (talking low) Insteeeeeaaaad, flush yourself down the crapper since you will feel at home in an aquatic setting (screaming) OOOOOHH YEEEAAAaaaHH!! DIG IT!!
The class still in the waiting room laughs as Dash just raises his left eyebrow at Sensei in an annoyed way.
Dash: Uh.. yeah. (talking under his breath) Fucking Macho Man reject.. (opens the door and leaves)
Suddenly, a student comes running out of the lab back into the waiting room.
A crazed Cubone, a rather small pokémon that wears the skull of it's dead mother on it's head and carries a big bone as a weapon, is chasing after it's new owner.
Cubone: CUBONE, BONE BONE!!
It tosses it's bone square at the trainer's head, knocking him out. Prof. Redwood then nervously appears from his lab.
Prof. Redwood: (laughing nervously) Uhh.. heh heh, don't mind that. That really wasn't supposed to happen.. (looks at his clipboard) Lara Garfield?
Lara gets up hesitantly as the Cubone victim lays on the ground groaning.
Prof. Redwood: Time to get your pokémon!
Lara: (nervously) Yay?
Inside Prof. Redwood's lab...
Prof. Redwood: Lara, please have a seat.
She sits down in a chair near the door. Redwood goes to walk off into another room that stores the pokéballs that contain the pokémon for every new trainer at the school. A few moments later, he comes back with one standard red and white pokéball and a thick training manual. He places it onto a nearby table for the time being.
Prof. Redwood: Alright, stand infront of that camera and smile.
Lara gets up and walks over to stand infront of a digital camera hooked up to a nearby computer to take her Alpha license photo. She smiles before the professor snaps the shot.
Prof. Redwood: Okey dokey, while that's printing out your license let me hand you your first pokémon. (hands Lara the pokéball) According to the IMPACT you ended up with a Pikachu.
The new trainer examines the ball.
Lara: Um, how do I open this?
Prof. Redwood: Press the button in the center to enlarge it.
Lara presses the button and the pokéball grows from being slightly bigger than a marble to the about the size of a tennis ball.
Lara: Oh. So I guess now I throw it in a cliché manner, right?
Prof. Redwood chuckles.
Prof. Redwood: Precisely.
Lara: PIKACHU, GO!
She tosses the pokéball a few feet and a female Pikachu pops out.
Pikachu: Pika pi? PIKA?! (Where am I? *gasp* I GOT ABDUCTED BY ALIENS DIDN'T I?!)
Prof. Redwood: She's 8 months old -- straight out of the wild, but she should be fairly easy to tame and control after a few weeks. She'll stay about this size for the rest of her life she since won't evolve into a Raichu unless you expose her to the Thunderstone.
Prof. Redwood: I wouldn't worry about it. Those things sell for ridiculous prices on eBay.
Lara: Oh. Well, I'd probably want to keep Babs as a Pikachu.. they're cuter.
Prof. Redwood: So you're calling her Babs?
Lara: She strikes me as one.
Babs: Pikachu... (Yeah, whatever..)
Lara picks up her Pikachu to cuddle it. Babs' ears go to the side as if to show annoyance.
Lara: (talking in a baby voice as she holds Babs tightly) Aren't you cute? Who's cute? YOU'RE CUTE! OH YES YOU ARE! YEEESSS YOU ARE!
Lara gets her first taste of pokémon training by receiving an electric shock from Babs that was strong enough to make the lights in the building flicker.
Meanwhile in the male restroom, Dash is sitting underneath the hand dryers as one other student uses a urinal. Another student walks in and looks to use the other urinal next to him. He's all ready to let 'er rip, but when the lights flicker he ends up pissing on the other guy by accident.
Student #1: DUDE, WHAT THE HELL? YOU PISSED ON ME!
Student #2: (still peeing) What? (looks at the other guy) OH SHIT!
Dash, still under the loud hand dryers, can't hear a word of what is going on.
Dash: (thinking) Whoa, that dude totally tinkled on that other guy!
Student #1: "OH SHIT" IS RIGHT!
He tackles the kid who urinated on him and starts punching him in the face.
Dash: (thinking) Hey, this is better than Jerry Springer! (smiles)
Back in the lab...
Prof. Redwood: Um, I forgot to tell you that she'll shock anyone she doesn't trust.
Lara, who's hair is now really frizzy and is slightly smoking, replies..
Lara: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks.
Prof. Redwood: She just has to get used to you before you can pick her up like that. Be sure to read this training book I'm giving you.
Lara takes the book and begins to thumb through it a bit.
Lara: (looking through the book) She can't kill anyone with that can she?
Prof. Redwood: Uhh...
She waits for the answer while still going through the book. After a few moments she looks up at the professor.
Lara: (slightly concerned) CAN SHE?!
Prof. Redwood: Well, a very high leveled Pikachu can put somebody in a comatose state.. But it does have the ability to kill a person.
Babs walks back over the Lara and she shrieks in fright.
Prof. Redwood: You shouldn't have to worry about that, though. Pikachu's are a common pet and generally like humans. Just give Babs a few days to adjust and she'll come around.
Redwood walks back over to his computer to get Lara's Alpha license. He hands it to her and she overlooks the picture.
Lara: Ugh, I look like an idiot in this picture! Can I take another one?
Prof. Redwood: Sure!
Lara: Oh, cool.
Prof. Redwood: ... When you get your Beta license.
In the waiting room, Sensei Watts is in the middle of ranting about Hulk Hogan to anyone who will listen..
Sensei Watts: I remember when I was watching WCW Nitro the other night (screaming) YEAH! (talking normally) And I see The Hulkster do the dreaded "back rake of doom"... (screaming) I INVENTED THAT BACK IN '84!! HE STOLE MY MOVE!!
Crusher holds up a tape.
Sensei Watts: (talking low and menacing) I gots the footage of a match of mine where I did the move right here.. yeeeahh.. mm hmm.. (screaming) IT'S ON BETA MAX! (points to the tape Crusher's holding) YEAH!!
Student: But Sensei, you can't even find a Beta Max player anywhere. VHS won that war and now even that stuff is old. How can you play that thing?
The camera zooms in on Sensei's face to the point where you can only see his eyes.
Sensei Watts: (talking low) Oh, is that true? Well I only have one word for that --- (camera pans out, starts screaming) CONSPIRACY!! (talking normally) Hogan knew I had it on Beta Max and made sure he destroyed every player in the known universe so I couldn't prove him wrong! (talking low) Little does he know I have the power of eBay... (screaming) YEEAaaaaAAHH!! DIG IT!!
A few students snicker at the crazy teacher as Dash walks in dry as a whistle.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) AQUA MAN!! (talking normally) You dried off... I see you have some tricks up your sleeve...
Dash: (walking back to his seat) I guess?
Sensei Watts: (screaming) TRICKSTERS GET BLOODIED INSIDE THE CONFINES OF A 15 FOOT HIGH STEEL CAGE!!
Dash looks around confused.
Sensei Watts: (talking low) Oh, sorry about that... I have flashbacks...
Lara walks out the lab and back into the waiting room.
Sensei Watts: Looks like somebody got zapped.
Lara, still frizzy-haired, holds up her pokéball as she walks back to sit next to Dash.
Lara: Yeah I got a Pikachu.. I don't think she likes me yet.
Dash looks at her poofy green hair and tries not to laugh.
Lara: (not looking at Dash) ....... I don't wanna hear it.
Dash: (trying not to laugh) Hey Lara, Diana Ross called... She's short a Supreme and wants to know if you can stand in. (laughs)
Lara: (mockingly) Hahaha...
20 minutes later, Dash is called into the lab. He gets his license photo taken and awaits for his pokémon. The professor returns with one pokéball and the standard training manual.
Dash: So what did I get?
Prof. Redwood: Well Mr. Gotem, you scored within the fire range.
Dash: Fire? Oh God, I can hear my mom freaking out right now.
Prof. Redwood: You ended up getting a Charmander since all the other fire pokémon in the Alpha tier are a bit too advanced for a starter. They shouldn't scorch too much of your furniture, though. Charmander's have a pretty good temperament. (hands Dash the pokéball)
Dash: Sweet! (enlarges pokéball)
Prof. Redwood: You shouldn't have any real problems until it evolves into a Charmeleon and then a Charizard.
Dash's smile turns into concern.
Dash: Wait, what? Problems? I thought you just said they were docile.
Prof. Redwood: Yeah, Charmander's are. It's later evolutions are generally stubborn and short tempered. It tends to develop a mind of it's own and won't listen to a trainer with low confidence. That's why you never see anyone with a Charizard as a pet because they are better suited for fighting.
Dash: So what does that mean, it's going to hate me no matter what?
Prof. Redwood: As long as you have an ego, no. You simply have to sound like you're in command and conduct yourself as such. If it detects the slightest hint of you being timid, it won't listen to you and that's a hard thing to turn around again.
He tosses his pokéball up in the air and out pops a Charmander. Dash clears his throat before he starts yelling at him in a very anime-like style complete with red eyes and devil horns.
Dash: (yelling) YOU'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME NOW, PAL! YOU GOT THAT?! I'M DA MAN!!
Prof. Redwood: Um, Dash? I don't think this is the right ---
Dash's voice now sounds completely demonic and the background turns into flames.
Dash: (yelling) SILENCE!!! DASH DOES NOT EXIST! ONLY RAGE SPEAKS! HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!
His Charmander doesn't really seem impressed and blows and bunch of fire onto Dash that destroys all of his clothing except his boxers. The background returns to normal as Dash stands there looking surprised as his body smokes.
Dash: Okay.. that didn't work...
In the waiting room, Sensei Watts is rambling on and on yet again..
Sensei Watts: (screaming) RIDDLE ME THIS!!! (talking normally) Why is the school mascot a lazy, obese, good-fer-nutttin' Snorlax when (talking low) the superior and much more macho (screaming) CRUSHER (talking normally) is right here? Yeeeaahh..
Crusher: MACHAMP!! (I WILL CRUSH THIS SNORLAX WITH MY LEFT ASS CHEEK!!)
On a sidenote, the school mascot is really a Snorlax vs. some idiot dressed up as one in a cheap costume. He stays asleep in the school courtyard most of the school year, but wakes up to battle the rival school's mascot (a Dragonite) at Dragon High in Dragon City once during the year before the start of football season. The event is called "The Great Awakening" and has been a tradition for a long time. However, Watts has been campaigning for the past 4 years to be allowed to battle the Snorlax on pay-per-view with the stipulation of the winner becomes the school mascot. The district has turned down his proposal on numerous occasions, though. They state that while the Snorlax is a big lazy pokémon (it weighs over a ton), it has great power. They say this as a crappy metaphor for the current generation of students who may exhibit slacker qualities but have potential for greatness. Yeah, whatever...
Dash comes walking out the waiting room with his Charmander by his side. The class laughs at seeing him in his boxers.
Sensei Watts: Looks like Aqua Man has become the Human Torch on us.
Dash takes his seat next to the still poofy-haired Lara again.
Lara: Don't worry, I don't have a joke for this.
Lara: Well, nevermind. "FLAME ON!" hahaha.
Dash: (sarcastically) Gee, that's really creative.
To be continued in Episode II...
Last edited by paqman; 11th April 2009 at 07:43 AM.
10th April 2009, 07:41 PM
Re: Thruda High (PG-13, language, humor)
THRUDA HIGH EPISODE TWO, "ENTER THE HITMONLEE"
After the first day of school ended, we find Dash in his room. He's sitting on his bed reading the training manual he received from Prof. Redwood earlier. His Charmander, that he's decided to name "Rex," is sitting down watching the 19" television Dash has.
Dash: Ugh, this book is pointless! (closes manual) How hard can it be to train a pokémon anyways? It's like having a pet... I think?
He sets the manual aside and walks over towards Rex, who is now intently focused on a Dairy Queen commercial playing.
Dash: Alright dude, get up. It's time to do some training.
Rex continues to watch the TV.
Dash: Um, hello? (crosses arms)
Rex: Charmander? (What?)
Dash: You've got to stop the gibber jabber because I can't understand a word you're saying. Just save yourself the trouble and get back into your pokéball.
He digs in his pocket and takes out and enlarges Rex's pokéball.
Dash: (waving pokéball) Let's go. Chop chop.
Rex: Mander, char char! (But I'm watching TV!)
The novice trainer looks completely confused.
Dash: I just told you I can't understand anything you're saying, but I know you can understand me.. soooooo, get back in here already.
Rex doesn't respond. He's more interested in the ice cream it seems.
Dash: You know what, forget it. (sarcastically) I'm fine with failing PT-1 anyways.. (shrugs in defeat)
He walks out his room in frustration and gets about two stairs down on his way to the living room, but as he passes by his brother's room, he hears some sobbing coming from behind the cracked door. Curious, he jogs back up to check it out.
Dash: (opening the door) Mash? Is that you?
His brother continues to sob in the corner of his room.
Dash: What the hell?! Oh my God! Are you crying, dude?!
Mash: (sobbing) No!
Dash: (starts laughing) STRAIGHT BUSTED! Can't you, like, be discharged from the Marines if you start crying like a little bitch? HAHA!
Mash tries to regain his composure before talking again.
Mash: She broke up with me...
Dash: What? Why?
Mash: That stupid skank broke up with me like you said she would!
Dash: Who, what's-her-face with the (makes gesture to represent having big breasts)?
Mash: Heather... (starts to sob again as he looks at a picture of them together before he joined the Marines from his Senior year at Thruda High)
Dash: Oh, so I guess you called her last night.... After you know, you almost slit my throat with your combat knife. You can thank me later for not pressing charges by the way...
Mash: (sobbing) She said she's dating some Sailor now because all I do is pick up moose crap in Canada... THAT'S NOT TRUE!!
Dash: Okay, so what do you do?
Mash: (sobbing) I... I protect the border.
Dash: From who?! Us crazy Americans going into the country to taint it with our lower retail prices and better television programming? (starts laughing) Or do you stop those whacky Canucks from coming over here illegally? Oooohhh..
Flashback to 2 months ago when Mash was up in Canada.... He's standing on the Canada/US border in the middle of an insanely intense blizzard with a rifle in his hand. There's nothing around him but miles of snow. He's marching in place to keep warm.
Mash: (under his breath) This is my rifle, there are many like it, but this is mine...
Suddenly, a Mountie on a moose comes strolling through.
Mountie: Slow day today, Gotem?
Mash: Yes sir, no busts yet. I'm sure I'll catch somebody today (points to the ground) Look here -- do ya see this? I found footprints! Somebody's trying to escape! Don't worry though, I'm on it! (continues marching in pace, but more vigorously now)
The Mountie, still on his moose, looks down. He looks at the direction their going and looks back at Mash. Again, making sure he's not loopy, he looks at the direction of the prints and sure enough they just lead back to the jarhead.
Mountie: Those are yours, dumbass.
Mash: HEY! I don't tell you how to do your job Mr. Hockey pants, so don't tell me how to do mine........ (stops marching in place, looks around) sir. (starts again)
Mountie: You've been out here for the past 8 months, son. You haven't nabbed anyone yet.. Maybe if your C.O. sent you to the Mexico border you'd do better.
Mash: I think I'm on to something here, though. Those terrorists think they can outsmart me by having the prints lead back to my posts? (scoffs) Puh-leeze! OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK!
Mountie: Terrorists? Don't you mean "illegal aliens," Private?
The Mountie's moose takes a shit. The turds steam as they hit the snowy and frigid terrain.
Mountie: Ah damn. Do me a favor -- pick that shit up for me, eh Gotem?
Mash: SIR, YES SIR! (picks up shit with bare hands, places it in pocket, continues marching in place to keep warm)
Back to present day...
Mash: It's more complicated than that, dumbass! (starts sobbing again)
Mash: (sobbing) I don't even want to live anymore...
Dash looks a tad uncomfortable watching his seemingly manly brother cry more than a skinny white girl on Oprah.
Dash: Uhh, hey, I'm going to head to McDenny's for a bite to eat... (points over shoulder) So, um, yeah...
He takes one step back before Mash gets up and hugs him.
Mash: (hugging Dash, sobbing) I NEED SOMEBODY TO TALK TO! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE MEEEE! (drool and snot drops from his face)
Dash: (trying to escape, talking slightly muffled) Well, I'm no good at this whole "pretending I care" thing (pushes Mash away) So talk to my Charmander, Rex.. (sarcastically) He's a real good listener.
Mash: (sobbing) Really?
Dash: (sarcastically) Oh yeah, bro (pats him on shoulder) -- he's the best.
He makes an "okay" sign with his other hand.
Mash: (sobbing) Where is he?
Dash: Um, last I checked, in my room. He's busy watching Dragonball Z so --
Mash stops sobbing completely.
Mash: OH SHIT! DRAGONBALL Z?!
Mash runs to Dash's room before he can finish talking.
Dash: --ah.... What the hell? Is it that great of a show?
Mash: (all the way from Dash's room) YES, ASS FACE!!
A little later we find Dash, who has his pair of Sony headphones around his neck, at McDenny's. He's just finished eating and is about to get up when Lara, wearing a pair of headphones as well, walks over to him with a smile on her face.
Lara: (taking her headphones off) Hey!
You can still faintly hear the music coming from her CD player. Sounds like The Backstreet Boys.
Dash: Oh, I see you fixed your hair. Shame, I kinda dug the entire poofy, electrified, disco diva look. (laughs)
His new jade-haired friend smiles as she grabs on to his now non-damp black shirt by the sleeve.
Lara: I see you found some dry clothes. How's it going with your Charmander anyways?
Dash: (getting up) It's not going, that's the problem.
He starts walking over to the trash bin to dispose of his food.
Dash: He doesn't listen to me yet. Prof. Redwood said they're kind of stubborn, though. I kinda gave up and left him at home. Sensei Watts' Machamp is totally going to kick his ass by the time finals roll around because the only move he will know is "Drool-at-a-Dairy-Queen-Ad" attack..
Lara: Oh, that blows. (perks up) But hey, Babs is listening to me now!
Her Pikachu jumps onto her right shoulder. She now has a little carnation-colored bow on her head that sits closer to her right ear than it does the center.
Dash: What the heck did you put on her poor head?
Lara: A cute bow I just bought for her at the mall.
Dash: You can't be serious. Isn't that, like, animal cruelty?
Dash tries to remove the bow, but Lara swats him away.
Lara: NO. It's called accessorizing. Plus, it was on sale and she's cute, so nyah!
Babs: Chu! (Yeah!)
The two of them begin to walk out the fast food joint together. As Dash holds the door open for Lara, he notices she's holding a toy in her left hand.
Dash: (laughing) Lara, did you get a happy meal?
She looks at her toy, still in the package.
Lara: (defensively) Yeah, so?
Dash: (laughing) Aren't you a little too old for that?
Lara: I guess I am, but they have Digimon toys now.
His green haired friend shakes her head.
Lara: Um, "Digital Monsters," hello? C'mon, don't tell me you haven't heard of Digimon! It's some crazy ass video game craze from Japan that just came over here about training these little things. Nintendo is releasing a game on the stuff and everything! Where the hell have you been lately -- under a Graveler?
Dash: ..... Why should I care about some cheap rip off of what we do in real life?
Lara: THIS IS GONNA BE HUUUUGE!
Babs stands up on two feet on Lara's shoulder and tries to illustrate how huge it'll be with her stubby little arms. She sort of loses her balance and falls off in the process.
Lara: I have to snatch up all these collectibles so I can to put them on eBay for Christmas!
Babs: (on the ground) Pika, pika, chuuuu pika, pi! (Cash Rules Everything Around Me -- C.R.E.A.M! Dolla, dolla bill y'all...)
Lara: Hey, I was going to stop by the Dojo to see what the older trainers are up to, you game?
Dash: I dunno.. At the level I'm at, I don't feel like seeing people who are light years ahead of me.. I might go jump off a bridge.
Lara: Oh c'mon, it'll be fun to watch. Besides, we might learn something, ya know? C'mon Babsy.
Babs: Kachu! (hops back onto Lara's shoulder).
The Thruda Steel Fist Youth Center & Dojo, or it's more popularly abbreviated alias -- "The Fist," is the ultimate proving ground for Thruda High students. Once you become a member of the dojo, you can start participating in battles to add to your record to not only make you eligible for a license upgrade test, but give you bragging rights around the school. Upperclassmen usually stop caring about it, as they are most likely satisfied with obtaining their Beta license and stop training on a regular basis after that, but to most freshmen, it's everything. We find Dash and Lara walking up to the front desk. There's a teenage girl with shoulder length blue hair and glasses behind the counter with a Sodoku book to pass the time. She's wearing a shirt with the dojo logo (a modified Ying Yang symbol) on it.
Lara: Um, hey, how much is the membership here?
Girl: (still writing in the Sodoku book) $20 a month.
She appears to have a British accent, but it seems to have been worn slightly away by being around Americans for awhile.
Lara: (whispering to Dash while digging in her purse) You got any money on you?
Dash: (whispering) I guess..
The girl puts her book down since it appears the two of them are about to get a dojo membership. Dash and Lara hand her $20 each.
Dash: Hope you're happy, I'm broke now.
Lara: It's for a good cause.
Girl: I'll need to see your licenses.
Lara: Oh, sure.
Both of them give the girl their Alpha licenses. She laughs at Dash's picture because he looks soaking wet.
Dash: (frowning) Hey! I couldn't take another one, so sue me!
Girl: Was your first pokémon a Squirtle? (laughs) Looks like it hates you.
Dash: NO, it was a Charmander... And some car splashed water on me on my way to school this morning, (looks at her name tag) SHELLY.
Shelly: Oh, so you two must be newbies. Isn't that cute? (looks over at Lara) I see you got a Pikachu.... bleh...
She begins to swipe their licenses through a scanner that will put the dojo membership data on it so they can enter.
Lara: Yeah, and? What's so bad about a Pikachu?
Shelly: I understand you're a girl and all, but did you really need such a wimpy little rat? I see so many girls with pokémon that are more cute than effective in battle.
Babs, still on Lara's right shoulder, frowns as a few sparks come from the two bright red circles on it's cheeks.
Lara: Babs isn't wimpy!
Shelly: BABS?! Hahaha!
Shelly gives them their licenses back.
Lara: Besides, I didn't pick her out myself, my test results said she's be great for me.
Shelly: Oh, so I get it -- you're just wimpy. Got ya!
Lara: Oh yeah? Then who's your pokémon?
Shelly looks at the clock behind her before answering.
Shelly: Look, I get off work in about 5 minutes, how about I spar with you and you'll find out then?
Lara: YOU'RE ON!
Babs: KACHU! (sparks up, causing Lara's hair to move a bit due to the static electricity)
Dash: Whoa, whoa.. Lara, are you sure about this? You've never been in a battle before and she's, like, in the 12th grade.
Shelly: I'm in the 10th, actually.. but thanks for thinking I look 18 instead of 16 haha. And it's not really a battle, it's just sparring. It's not a big deal, Douche.
Dash: Um, that's Dash.
Shelly: Oh, my bad haha.
Lara: Yes, I'm very sure! Let's go!
She grabs Dash by the shirt and begins to drag him with her over to the dojo entrance. They both swipe their licenses through the scanner to grant them access.
Shelly: (waves confidently) See ya in 5.
Inside "The Fist," Dash and Lara are sitting down on a bench. Lara has both of her hands up to her Pikachu's height to act as a make shift punching bag.
Dash: Babs seems pretty angry.
Lara: (still letting Babs punch her hands) SHE SHOULD BE! SHE JUST GOT INSULTED!
Dash: (looking around) I dunno... I don't think you want to embarrass yourself infront of all these people.
He motions to the all the other trainers, who look like upperclassmen, in the dojo at the moment.
Lara: (still letting Babs punch her hands) Pssh, forget them. This isn't a real fight anyways, remember? This can't hurt my "street cred"..
Babs continues her little onslaught, but misses a hay maker and completely falls off the bench. Lara puts her hands back down and picks Babs back up to place beside her.
Lara: I got this... (under breath) I hope.
Dash: I mean, do you even know what Babs can do? What if Shelly has a water type or something? You're totally screwed then...
Lara: Dash, shut up. I'll just tell Babs to do some thunder bolt shit or whatever. You can freestyle, right Babsy?
Babs: (adjusting her bow) Pika, pi! (Yep!)
Lara: See? And I'm sure Shelly has some lame ass Jigglypuff or Caterpie.
Dash: You better hope so, 'cause there she is.
Shelly is now stretching out on a mat a few feet away from them. She's wearing a gray sports bra now.
Lara: What the heck is she stretching for? This is a pokémon sparring match, isn't it?
The two walk up to Shelly.
Shelly: (stretching) Hey, are you ready?
Lara: Erm, yeah? But why are you stretching out?
Shelly: I'm warming up, that's why. (gets up, takes out an all black pokéball and enlarges it) It helps.
Dash and Lara look at each other confused.
Shelly: SENSHI, GO!
She spins around gracefully before tossing the pokéball up in the air.
Lara: (whispering to Dash) Show off...
Out of the pokéball comes a Hitmonlee -- a fighting pokémon with no visible mouth that specializes in various forms of martial arts. Babs runs behind Lara in fright.
Shelly: This is Senshi, my Hitmonlee. I got him last year and he helped me get my Beta license about 3 months ago.
Dash: (whispering to Lara) See, I told you this was a bad idea..
Shelly: I've been teaching him Judo techniques in addition to letting him train on his own with kick boxing.
Senshi is already standing in his attack stance and has his eyes fixed on Babs. It's now clearly visible he has various Japanese kanji symbols tattooed on his arms and has excess wrist tape hanging from him in a stylish manner.
Dash: Wait, so you know Judo?
Shelly: A little bit here and there. I took lessons from when I was 6 up until a few years ago. I'm not the best, but I can kick your ass.
Dash: (nervously) Cool?
Lara pushes Dash to the side.
Lara: WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR LAME JUDO!? LET'S FIGHT ALREADY! C'MON!
Shelly: (stretching again) I'm not even ready yet. I haven't even done any warm ups with Senshi yet, calm the hell down.
Lara: BABS -- THUNDER SOMETHING!!
Babs: Pi? (What?)
Lara: Um.. THUNDER CLOUDS, NOW!!
Dash raises his hand slowly.
Dash: (sitting on the ground, Indian style) Um, I don't think that's really a Pikachu attack, Lara. She isn't Storm from X-Men you know.
Shelly: Wow, you need to learn a lot about pokémon trainer etiquette. Sucker punching somebody before the battle's started is an instant disqualification.
Lara: But this isn't a real battle, so I can do whatever I want, right?
Shelly: (stretching and not really paying attention to what's happening) Theoretically, yes.
Lara: Good. GET THAT HITMONLEE, BABS! GO, GO!
Babs charges up to Senshi and starts to punch him repeatedly. Shelly's Hitmonlee looks more annoyed than in any kind of pain. He flicks Babs on the head and sends her tumbling back to Lara.
Shelly: Well if you insist on doing this before I'm ready... SENSHI, SEISMIC TOSS!
Senshi nods before grabbing Babs by the tail.
Babs: Chu? (What the -- ?)
Senshi tosses her nearly across the entire dojo. Babs' pink bow ends up flying off half way through being air born as she wails the entire trip. She ends up bouncing off a hanging punching bag before falling infront of somebody's Ekans, which is a snake type pokémon.
Ekans: Ekanssss? (Dinner already?)
Dash: THAT WAS FRIGGIN' AWESOME!
Lara: HEY! THAT WASN'T FAIR!
Shelly: Huh? Hey, just because your little wimpy Pikachu is a lightweight doesn't mean my Hitmonlee can't do something in his move set. I think we're done here.
Senshi is dusting his hands off.
Lara: Grr... (runs over to Babs who is upside down) Aw, are you alright?
Babs: (rubbing her head as random charges of electricity run through out her body as if she was short circuiting) KA. (NO.)
Dash walks over with Babs' pink bow in hand. Shelly is also walking over with Senshi, who is busy eating sushi with chop sticks (I know, I know.. "with what mouth"? Ask Nintendo)
Dash: Here's her bow back. (extends arm)
Lara snatches it away and puts it back on Babs' head.
Babs: Chu ka pi! (I'm not done yet!)
The electric pokémon defiantly gets back up and tries one last swipe at Senshi, which fails. He grabs her puny arm and performs a counter take down with little effort before resuming his meal.
Shelly: You really need to teach that girl some damn moves haha.
Lara: I bet this is real funny to you, isn't it?
Dash: (laughing) Nah, it's funny to me, too haha.
Shelly: I'm just saying scratching and clawing isn't going to win anything for her. Pikachu's are dinky so they need to rely more on their speed and long distance electrical attacks versus trying to match a power game.
Lara: Well excuse me for being new. This is my first day with her if you didn't know... (takes out pokéball and enlarges it) C'mon Babsy, you need to rest up.
She returns the knocked out Babs to her pokéball to heal up faster.
Shelly: I'm surprised you two even showed up here. Freshies usually avoid this place like a disease until after the first report cards come out. But hey, I can help you two.
Shelly: Yeah, since I got my Beta license, the dojo lets help all Alpha trainers on the weekends. Just sign up at school tomorrow, alright?
Dash: I'm in. What about you, Lara?
Lara seems a bit frustrated.
Lara: Fine, whatever.
Shelly: Cool beans. Well, I'm off to go do homework and watch TRL, so I'll catch you two later.
Lara: Oh my God! TRL is about to come on?
Shelly: Yeah, 'N Sync is supposed to premiere their new video today.
Lara: OH MY GOD! THAT WAS TODAY?!
Dash: Am I missing something here? Who the hell is 'N Sync?
Lara: Only one of the greatest bands ever.
She digs in her purse and takes out their CD.
Dash: What?! This is nothing but five guys singing about stupid crap that's pre-packaged and marketed to girls like you.
Shelly: And it's working. Come on Lara, I'll drive you to my house to watch it.
The two girls start walking away giggling.
Lara: (still walking away) See ya tomorrow at school, Dash!
Dash waves back slowly before leaving himself.
In the parking lot outside the Dojo, we find Shelly unlocking the door to her blue 1996 Pontiac Sunfire.
Shelly: (getting in the car) So, like, what's the deal with you and Dash?
She unlocks the passenger side door and Lara gets in.
Lara: (putting on her seatbelt) What?
Shelly: I mean, are you two... you know, "together"?
Lara looks surprised.
Lara: Oh, no.. No, it's not like that.. we just met today... before school. We're friends. Uh, "just friends"..
Shelly puts on her seatbelt and starts the car, which looks to be a manual transmission. 'N Sync's "Here We Go" blasts from her speakers very loudly from mid point in the song. She turns the volume way down before backing out of the parking lot.
Shelly: Oh. So, would you want it to be "like that"?
Lara: (jokingly) I wasn't aware you were the lead writer for the National Enquirer, Shelly.
Shelly: Well, I'm just asking. I mean, y'all seem to get along fine and he seems like a nice guy... a little quirky, but nice from what I can tell.
Lara: I dunno... I just told you that I met him today.
Shelly comes to a red light and looks over at Lara.
Shelly: HA! You're blushing! I knew it!
Lara: No I'm not! (looks into the rear view mirror) OH MY GOSH, I AM!
Shelly: (laughing) Looks like somebody's got a crush!
Lara: (hiding her face from Shelly's view with her hand) No I don't... you're just... you're just overwhelming me with questions... that's all..
Shelly laughs some more.
Shelly: Yeah, okay. Sorry, I'll stop haha.
A few moments of silence go by.
Shelly: Dash and Lara sittin' in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G....
Lara blushes even more.
Shelly busts out laughing.
Shelly: (laughing) Would it have been better if I used the 2nd grade version of that song?
To be continued in Episode III
10th April 2009, 07:43 PM
Re: Thruda High (PG-13, language, humor)
THRUDA HIGH, EPISODE THREE - "NO GLOVES, NO LOVE"
Tuesday, August 25th, 1998. Dash and Lara are both in their first period class, Pokémon Training 1, with their teacher who speaks a lot like Randy "Macho Man" Savage -- Sensei Watts.
Student: Sensei, how exactly do you get past school security wearing that mask all the time? They never make you take it off or anything?
The student is referring to Watts' red and black luchadore mask he wears at all times... even in his driver's license photo and his ex-wife divorced him because he'd never take it off.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?!
Student: Um.. I just thought --
Sensei Watts: (screaming louder) SHUT UP! (talking low) You don't think.. you don't need to think.. yeeeAeeaaaHHhh...
Sensei Watts starts spinning around for no apparent reason.
Dash: Didn't I see this exact interview on WWF Superstars a few years ago?
Lara smiles a bit as she motions for Dash to keep quiet.
Sensei Watts: You think when I tell you to think, little man! Until I tell you to think, you keep wondering what to think because I know what you need to think (screaming) DIG IT?!
Student: (looking around utterly confused) ... I guess? (under his breath) I can't believe some Macho Man rip-off is my teacher.....
Sensei Watts turns his back to the class. The back of his black gi has an air brushed illustration of him screaming at pointing directly at you with artistic lettering that says "IT'S WEDGIE TIME!" on it.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) ANNOUNCEMENT!
Dash: Now why the hell is he facing the board and not even writing anything?
Dash looks at Lara with a very perplexed look on his face.
Dash: (laughing) I mean, seriously.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) EVERYBODY LINE UP! (talking low) We're going on a little field trip.. yeeaAaaaAAhhh..
The class begins to line up at the door. Sensei's Machamp, Crusher, who has been sitting at the teacher's desk for the past few minutes, gets up and walks to the front of the line.
Lara: (adjusting her bookbag) I wonder where we're going.
Dash shrugs as he places his pencil behind his ear.
Dash: I dunno. I don't even think Sensei knows himself.
Lara: I think he's on drugs or something.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) A TRIP TO THE FIELDS AND A FIELD ON A TRIP, MEAN GENE!
Dash just shakes his head.
Dash: I'm amazed anyone's made it to PT-2 with this guy in charge.
Lara: Who knows, there might be a method to his madness? It's only the second day... I'm sure he's just being extra strange to psych us out and get us to drop the class.
Dash: There's a madness alright... He should be in a straight jacket by now.
Crusher: Champ machamp. (Follow me.)
The class follows behind the four armed pokémon through the halls. Sensei Watts is in the very back of the line.
Dash: Looks like we're going outside...
Outside Thruda High, in the back near the student parking lot, the class is lined up side by side on the soccer field. Everyone has their pokémon standing in front of them.
Lara: I hope we're not playing soccer or anything... I really don't want to take P.E. until my senior year.
Dash looks around.
Dash: It must be some kind of exercise with our pokémon.
Lara: Ugh. I hope they aren't going to play soccer.. Babs is still in pain from yesterday's Senshi beating.
She motions to Babs who has a "Hello Kitty" branded band-aid on her forehead.
Babs: (scratching her ear with her hind leg) Pika...
Dash: Why didn't you just take her to a pokémon center and let her stay for a few hours?
Lara: Pssh. Her injuries weren't that freakin' bad. Give her some stinkin' credit!
Dash: Hey, she did get chucked like 30 feet across the dojo and then whacked on some more... I'm concerned about the little rat, that's all.. (smiles)
Babs: (charging a bit of electricity from her cheeks) KA PI CHU PI! (STOP CALLING ME A RAT!)
Lara: Uh huh.. Besides, pokémon centers cost a lot of money even with our trainer & student discount... And where do you get off telling me how bad I got beat when Rex was busy juggling his nuts to a Dairy Queen commercial?
Rex perks up as Dash groans.
Rex: Mander char ar? (Did somebody say Dairy Queen?)
Sensei Watts walks onto the field and stands a few feet away from the class. He has a clip board and a pen with him. Crusher is standing beside him with all four of his arms crossed.
Dash: Aw crap, is this some sort of test? We didn't have homework last night, did we?
Lara shakes her head and shrugs.
Lara: I can't remember. My day yesterday was a blur of getting beat down by a Hitmonlee on crack and Justin Timberlake's... uh, crack...
Dash: Yeah, that's true... Wait, what?
Sensei Watts: Today's test is fairly easy. Your pokémon has to perform one successful text book move against Crusher.
The entire class groans as they take out their pokédexes to look up a move set for their pokémon. Crusher uncrosses his arms and cracks all his knuckles with an evil smirk on his face.
Dash: Damn, I'm totally going to fail this.. (flips open pokédex) Rex won't even go into his pokéball for me -- I had to carry him here in my bookbag and bribe him with an ice cream sandwich.
Dash shows her the hole Rex's tail burned into his bookbag that's still smoking.
Lara: (looking in her pokédex and using a stylus to navigate through the touch screen menus) You don't find it odd a fire pokémon likes ice cream so much? Shouldn't he, like, want spicy foods or something?
Dash shrugs as he continues to navigate through the menus.
Dash: Alright Rex, I found an easy one for you -- "Scratch". Just take a swipe at Crusher and I'll pass this thing. (closes pokédex) Got it?
Rex isn't even paying attention.
Dash: Rex? Hello? Are you even listening to me?
Rex continues to look off into the distance.
Lara: Looks like your Charmander has A.D.D. there, Dash.
The familiar sound of an ice cream truck can be heard coming from down the street. It must be ready to make rounds in the neighborhood next to the school.
Rex: Charmander? (Ice cream?)
He goes running off on all fours towards the sound. Dash dives towards Rex to catch him but ends up grabbing his tail and slightly burning his hand in the process.
Dash: (screaming in pain as his hand sizzles and smokes) DAMN IT!
The class turns around to look at Rex running away. Sensei Watts looks annoyed.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) HUMAN TORCH! INSTANT FAIL! DIG IT!
Dash: (still on the ground) What? That's not even fair, my Charmander ran off!
Sensei Watts: Well, go catch him and when you get back, I have the same "F" waiting for you. (clicks pen and scribbles something down) Think of it as lay away flunking... yeeaAaAAhhHHh... (turns clipboard around and points to the big red "X" next to Dash's name) It'll be right here.
Crusher laughs at his owner's bully-like humor. Dash gets up still holding his left hand.
Lara: Holy crap, you need to go to the health room for that.
Dash looks at his hand again and frowns.
Dash: Sensei, I need to get this looked at.
Sensei Watts: A little burn like that? One time Crusher punched me square in the gonads and I walked around with one nut until I went through puberty again and got a new set!
Dash looks confused.
Lara: Dash, just go see the nurse.
Later that day at lunch, Dash is sitting outside at a table eating an apple with his right hand. His left hand is bandaged up from the burn he got from his Charmander earlier.
Dash: Do you see what you did, Rex? (shows his left hand)
Rex isn't paying attention again. He's licking on another ice cream cone with the biggest, goofiest smile on his face.
Dash: Damn it!
Dash puts his apple down and snatches the cone away from Rex.
Rex: CHAR! (HEY!)
Rex tries to get the ice cream cone back but Dash stands up to keep it out of reach.
Dash: I'm sick of you being more interested in ice cream than you are helping me pass PT-1!
Rex looks as if he's about to start crying at any moment.
Dash: Oh please, I don't wanna hear it. You made me fail the first test in the class with your stupid little ice cream fetish and you don't even want to listen to me. I'm putting my foot down!
He tosses the ice cream cone behind him.
Dash: You're going to obey me or I'll make sure you'll never touch... no... SMELL another ice cream cone ever again! Got it?
Shelly walks up behind him. She's wearing her normal get up instead of the dojo shirt, which is a black babydoll shirt with a smiley face on it, black pants, black boots, and a blue leather jacket (she was just carrying this with her since it's cold in class rooms but hot outside). The ice cream cone he tossed ended up landing in her blue hair.
Shelly: Got it... (sits down across from Dash)
Dash: Oh shit, sorry Shelly...
Shelly: (removing the cone from her hair) Yeah... whatever... (looks over at Dash's charmander) So I assume you're having problems with.... what's his name?
Dash: Rex... and yeah.. The little bastard ran after an ice cream truck this morning and I burned my hand trying to catch him.
Shelly: You see, you're making so many mistakes it's not even funny.
Dash: Huh? How is having a disobedient, ice cream obsessed pokémon my fault?
Shelly: (fixing her hair with a mirror from her purse) You know the supply store near the library sells fire resistant gloves, right? I mean, they only hold up for 1 minute against flames, but it's a God send for fire trainers.They sell fire resistant spray for your clothes and lotion to prevent burns to the skin, too. Most beginners get the gloves, first though. (motions to Dash's burned left hand)
Dash: ... Oh. How come nobody told me that?
Shelly: Because it's like some stupid tradition with fire trainers. You gotta get burned atleast once before somebody tells you about the supplies, haha.
Dash: You're right, that is pretty stupid.
Shelly: Oh, you'll let 9th graders get roasted too when you're a sophomore next year. It always happens... But hey, I'll catch up with you later.. I gotta run home and wash my hair. Chocolate mint ice cream is conflicting with my perfume hardcore.
She looks at her watch as she gets up and takes her car keys out of her purse.
Shelly: (walking away) Tell Lara I said "hi" for me.
Dash nods and returns to eating his apple. He's about to take another bite when Rex, in full temper tantrum mode, swats it away. Dash looks at his apple, now covered in dirt from landing on the ground, then looks at Rex again.
Dash: You can't be serious.
Rex frowns and turns his back to Dash.
Dash: You're serious. Alright, it's pokéball time for you, bucko. (enlarges pokéball) You need a time out.
He returns Rex to his ball, but after a few seconds he forces his way back out again with a bigger frown on his face.
Dash: What the hell? HEY! Stay in there! I'm not playing with you!
Lara walks up eating from French Fries and drinking a diet Pepsi. She sits down next to Dash.
Lara: (chewing) You know, I don't think I should have opened this Pepsi can. It's promoting Episode I of Star Wars. I could get a load of cash for this on eBay in 2004 or something. Oh well (sips soda).
Dash is busy wrestling with his Charmader and didn't seem to notice Lara talking about her latest eBay scheme. He's now trying to shove the pokéball directly on Rex's head, which isn't working out fairly well.
Dash: (struggling) YOU'RE GOIN' IN HERE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!
Rex: Chaaarr! (Noooo!)
Lara: Hmph. That's a new method of trying to catch something. Never thought about shoving the pokéball on them directly..
Dash finally succeeds and traps Rex in the pokéball. He's holding it closed with both hands to make sure he doesn't pop back out.
Lara: Wow, he's really putting up a fight. What happened?
Dash: (stilling holding the ball closed as Rex tries to force his way out) He's angry I took his ice cream away, that's all.
Lara: Good. You need to take charge of his cranky ass.
Rex seems to have given up trying to get back out.
Dash: Finally. (looks at Lara) Hey, where's Babs at?
Lara turns around. Her Pikachu is in her bookbag with her head poking out. She's sleeping (her ears are also not perked up, but more in a resting side position) and has more band-aids on her head this time.
Lara: Crusher smacked her senseless when she electrocuted his nuts. I think it was more of a reflex... But she's excused from any activities for the next 7 days anyways. Ha, instant A's for me. I love my life!
Dash throws his hands up in frustration and defeat.
Dash: I can't believe this! I get a burnt freakin' hand (points to his left hand) and fail while your pudgey yellow rat gets a few bruises and gets excused from everything for a week? Am I understanding this correctly?
Lara: Um, yeah?
Dash: Fuck it. I give up.
Lara: (laughing) It's not that serious, man. Hey, have you seen Shelly anywhere?
Dash: Yeah, I was just talking to her. She left before you came over here.
Lara stops laughing and gets a concerned look on her face.
Lara: She didn't say anything, you know, about me to you did she?
Dash: Huh? Nothing other than telling me to tell you she said "hi". Why?
Lara starts to blush a bit, but turns away from Dash.
Lara: (nervously) Oh, nothing really...
Dash: Are you alright?
Lara: (nervously and slightly defensive) NO! I mean... yes, I'm fine, uhh... I'll see you in Algebra class... Ta ta... (nervous laugh)
She takes her fries and soda and quickly leaves before Dash could see her beat red face.
In between World Geography class and Algebra, Dash finds the time to swing by the supply store near the library. He is looking for those special fire gloves Shelly told him about, but some clear pokéballs catch his attention.
Dash: (holding the pokéball) Oh these are pretty sweet..
A muscular looking jock with heavily geled, sprayed, and stylized blonde hair walks up beside him. He's wearing a purple and yellow football jersey with a "Class of '00" patch on the right sleeve, so he must be on the school team.
Jock: Aren't those a little too advanced for you?
Dash: I dunno.. isn't just a pokéball that's clear?
Jock: No freshie, it's a superball. It has a better success rate than the standard issue shit when you're trying to capture something, but the trade off is the weight and throwing speed. If you get used to using the standard stuff for a while, throwing these can be like trying to toss a quarter then tossing a rock.
Dash: Oh. And how did you know I was a freshman?
Jock: Your left hand is burned, bro.
Dash rolls his eyes.
Dash: It's that dead of a give away, huh?
Jock: Yep, afraid so. (extends arm) I'm Rocky Windsworth by the way. Wide receiver for the Snorlaxes.
Dash shakes his hand.
Dash: Dash Gotem.
Rocky: Gotem? What kind of last name is that?
Dash: Why does everyone ask me that?!
Rocky: Well, it is kind of weird.
Dash: I'm not sure I even know myself.
Dash puts the superball back down.
Rocky: You know we're holding try outs for the B-Squad next week if you're interested. You look like you'd be a good.. uh... kicker.. or something.. *cough* WATER BOY *cough*
Dash: Thanks but no thanks. No offense, but the Snorlaxes have blown the past 3 years. My brother was on the team when he went here and they always lost by like a bajillion and two points.
Dash: I said "no offense," didn't I?
Rocky: C'mon, I'll show you where the gloves you need are. What kind of fire pokémon do you have anyways?
Dash follows behind Rocky to the other aisle.
Dash: A Charmander.
Rocky: I have a friend who had a Charmander. If you think it's bad now, wait until he evolves into Charmeleon.. whoo, that's one cranky little bastard. He burned his house down, ya know..
Dash is turning pale from fear of the future.
Rocky: I mean, it's uh, not that bad...
Dash: What do you train?
Rocky: I got a Venusaur. All Vinny ever does is sleep and eat... he used to enjoy training when he was younger, but got lazy as all hell when he evolved into that around 7 months ago.
Dash: Sounds like the life.
Rocky: (picking up the gloves) Here you go. They're pretty much one size fits all since they have a velcro strap.
Dash: How much are they?
Rocky: Eight bucks.
Dash: Dammit, this pokémon thing is sapping all my money away.
Rocky: Hey, it's either buy these or lose the flesh on your hands -- it's up to you.
Dash doesn't hesitate to take the gloves.
Rocky: I'll ring you up.
He hops over the front counter.
Dash: Wait, so you work here too? (hands Rocky $10)
Rocky: (messing with the register) Sort of, but not really. I just come here during my study hall to work off detention hours I got since I can't miss practice after school. You see, when you're the star player, you get perks like this.
He smiles as he believes his own hype.
Dash: Detention? For what?
Rocky: (handing Dash his change back and closing the register) I slapped my Spanish teacher on the ass.
Rocky: HEY! I thought she was hitting on me! Excuse me for misinterpreting a foreign freakin' language, geez....
Dash: Isn't that lady, like, 50 years old?
Rocky: Hey... "The Rock" doesn't discriminate.. I'm hot stuff around here.
Dash: You're sick, you know that?
Rocky: Gotem, I can get any girl I want in this school. I'm a legend in the making.
Dash: You sure you don't have that confused with "man whore"?
Rocky: Ha, you got jokes.
Shelly walks into the supply store.
Rocky: (under breath) Helloooo, nurse... (talking to Dash) Watch this, Gotem -- I'm gonna turn you into a believer.. (hops back over the counter and runs over to Shelly) You need help finding anything, beautiful?
Shelly looks up at Rocky and quickly goes back to looking at what's in stock.
Shelly: (chewing gum) No.
She goes back to scanning the aisle.
Rocky: You sure I can't help you with anything?
Shelly nods while walking to the other aisle. Rocky is in hot pursuit; he shows his athleticism by doing a standing vertical leap over the entire aisle to the other side.
Shelly: (picking up a protein bar for pokémon) I told you I was fine. I knew what I was looking for.
She begins to walk up to the register and Rocky jets back over the counter. Dash is standing off to the side putting on those fire resistant gloves he purchased.
Shelly: Oh, so you got those gloves. (gives a thumbs up) Stylin'...
Dash: (adjusting the fit) Yeah these are pretty bad ass.
Rocky: Your total is $2.50.
Shelly hands him the exact change.
Rocky: So how about your number?
Shelly: Excuse me?
Rocky: (smiling confidently) The digits, baby.
Shelly: In your dreams, loser.
Rocky: Oh c'mon! Don't you want a piece of the most electrifying man at Thruda High?
He rolls up his sleeve and flexes his bicep. Shelly still doesn't look impressed.
Shelly: (laughing) Get bent.
Rocky gets a stunned look on his face as Shelly walks out of the store.
Rocky: WHAT THE HELL?!
Dash: (laughing) Yeah, you're a regular smooth operator, Rock. Well, I gotta go to class.. it was nice talking to you..
He begins to walk off but Rocky jumps over the counter again to stop him.
Rocky: So you know her?
Rocky: Answer the question, dingus!
Dash: I guess.. well, not really... I met her yesterday at The Fist when I was getting a new membership.
Rocky: (smiling) So she works there? Great!
Dash: Dude, what are you, her stalker? I don't think she's interested.
Rocky: Pffft.. she's just playing hard to get. I love the challenge of the hunt, Gotem. What's that broad's name anyways?
Dash: Why would I tell you? So you can show up outside her bathroom window with your pants down?
Rocky holds up $20.
Rocky: (waving the bill around) Look, all you gotta do is tell me her name and you get 20 bucks. You're a year off from legally working at a job, I'd take any form of payment I could get short of sucking a dick, freshie.
Dash takes the 20 after thinking about it for a few seconds.
Dash: It's Shelly. I don't know her last name...
Rocky: That's all I need, man. (puts Dash in headlock) Congrats, you're my new best friend haha..
Dash wrestles his way out of the light choke hold.
Dash: Yeah well... if I see you following her home I'm calling the cops.
Rocky: Give me 2 weeks and I'll have her eating out of the palm of my hand.
Dash: If you say so..
Lara: What's with the gloves? Plan on doing some BMX tricks on your pink tricycle or something? Haha..
Dash: No. Shelly suggested I buy some fire resistant gloves so I won't get burned by Rex anymore. I should really be able to train him a lot better now.
Lara: What the -- ? They make those?
Dash: Yeah, I was surprised myself. They only last up to a minute, though -- so it's not like I can dip my hands in lava and be straight.There's all kinds of stuff for me to get so I won't get toasted actually.
Lara: I gotta ask Shelly if they make that stuff for electric trainers. Babs still shocks me by accident sometimes.. like when she sneezes or farts.
Babs: (still in Lara's bookbag with her head poking out) Chu chu.. (I can't help it...)
Dash: It would help if you wore boots or something else with a rubber sole instead of prancing around with sandals on all the time..
Lara: Whatever.. I'd take the light shocks over getting toasted any day.
Dash: Hey is it alright if we stop by The Fist after school?
Lara: I guess. Do you want to get your ass kicked by Senshi, too? Ha, I'd pay to see that.
Dash: .... No. Some jock-ass Junior likes Shelly and he's trying to go out with her.
Lara: Aw, that's so sweet...
Dash: Shelly already turned him down though. He's pretty stubborn about letting her go...
Lara: Oh.. what, was he some lame on the chess team claiming he was a jock or was it a real jock?
Dash: Um, he was on the football team.
Lara: Ooh, what was his name, do you remember?
Dash: I dunno... Ricky I think? Oh wait, no.. it was definitely Rocky something or other.
Lara: SHE TURNED DOWN ROCKY WINDSWORTH?!
All the girls in the class gasp loudly. One girl faints.
Dash: How the hell do you know him?
Lara: Are you frikken kidding me?! When I was in the 6th grade, he was in the 8th... and aaaaaaaall of the girls in my grade were madly in love with him... It's a phase all the girls went through...
Dash is looking at her weird.
Lara: What?! I'm over him now... There are other guys I'm.. uh, interested in.
Dash: Oh? Like who?
Lara starts to blush again.
Lara: J.C. Chasez from 'N Sync? Oooh, look Dash! A new word problem is on the board!
Dash looks towards the front of the classroom. Lara uses this distraction to get up and go sharpen her pencil. The class doesn't pay any attention to her until an odd grinding comes from the electric pencil sharpener. It takes Lara a few seconds to realize she's stuck a mechanical pencil in it.
Lara: (facing the class, blushing more) Um, oops?
To be continued in episode IV
10th April 2009, 07:53 PM
Re: Thruda High (PG-13, language, humor)
THRUDA HIGH, EPISODE FOUR - "ALL HAIL ROCKY"
The view is from behind a camera lens. The blinking red dot in the corner of the screen lets the audience know it's recording. A squinty-eyed teenage reporter, who looks to be a 17 year old male, holding a microphone is making last minute preparations before going on live. The setting? The tacky ass purple and yellow hall ways of Thruda High, of course. A voice behind the lens counts down from 4 and gives the cue to go.
Reporter: Good morning Snorlaxes, I'm Flex Rubix with another smashing edition of the "Snorlax Update". The first week of school is a roller coaster of emotions for all grades. Freshmen are dealing with the pressures and stress of getting their very first pocket monsters while the Seniors are busy planning their future and making the right decisions to stay on track to achieve their goals. Indeed, pressure is making it's rounds through out the school in the early days of the 1998-1999 year, but one man... No, one hero... stands in the face of adversity and spits in it's fugly face and calls its mother a trash bag whore.
A cheesy graphic of Rocky Windsworth doing a "Captain Morgan" pose in his football jersey flashes up on the screen.
Flex: That hero, ladies and gentlemen, is an extraordinary man named Rocky Windsworth -- or as he is so cleverly nicknamed, "The Rock".
The graphic changes to Rocky doing the "people's eyebrow" like the pro wrestler "The Rock".
Flex: But who is this man exactly and what makes him tick? I recently went on a field report trying to find out more about Rocky from himself and his peers.
The footage changes to an out of focus shot of Rocky, wearing his away jersey (he's number 11, by the way), sitting down in a chair next to Flex. They appear to be in the weight room. It slowly gets back into focus right before the reporter begins to talk.
Flex: So, Rocky.. Tell the adoring Snorlaxes a little about yourself.
Rocky: First of all, let me say thanks for having me on the show, Flex. It is indeed a true honor to be on a program that has such unbiased news reporting for the school.
Flex: No Rocky, let me thank you for appearing.. this is indeed the biggest edition of The Update ever.
Rocky: And I must say the coverage of the Monica Lewinsky scandal? AWESOME! I don't understand what the big deal was with Slick Willy getting his [bleep] [bleep]ed by a fat, ugly [bleep], though. I mean c'mon, who hasn't gotten their [bleep] [bleep]ed by a fat, ugly [bleep] before? Haha, ya know?
Him and Flex laugh.
Flex: So, so true, my friend. I woulda [bleep]ed her..
Rocky: YOU TOO?! I mean, if you put a paper bag over her head, she's just, like, you know... extra thick. I'd definitely [bleep] the [bleep] out of her.
Flex: Menage A Trois?
Flex and Rocky: (pointing at each other) HEEEEEEEY!
The two laugh again.
Flex: But let's get back to you.. where were you born?
Rocky: Well, my life started about 3 hours west of Thruda in Fruit City and I moved here in 1994 to get a fresh start after a few of friends all committed suicide at the same time.. I needed a fresh start.
Flex: Oh my dear God, that had to be a traumatic ordeal for you. Your strength is amazing to behold, Mr. Windsworth.
Rocky: Thank you, thank you.. After I started the 7th grade here, I started playing football and other sports... the rest, as they say, is history, Flex.
Flex: History, indeed (looking directly in the camera) Fellow Snorlaxes, take a mental picture of this man... He's going places in life.
The footage goes back to a live feed of Flex standing in the hall ways again.
Flex: Rocky is the very definition of a pillar of strength, but what do his peers think? I had the opportunity to interview several people who care close to him and this is what they had to say.
The footage swtiches over to a middle aged man wearing a yellow hat with a purple Snorlax on it sitting behind a desk in a room full of trophies. A graphic that says "Coach Phart" pops up on the screen.
Coach Phart: Rocky very well may be the hottest commodity in all of high school football today. I mean, the man's stats speak for themself and he's only 16 years old!
Rubix: (off camera) So do you think that Rocky is the secret weapon the Varsity team has been needing to crawl out of the dreadful 3 year losing streak?
Coach Phart: Absolutely. He has talent on loan from God.
The footage switches again, but this time to a highlight reel of phenomenal catches Rocky has made during training camp over the summer. The clip is set to the song "Momma Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J. Flex is doing a voice over report for this segment.
Flex: Talent on loan from God? Bold statements, but after watching an athlete of this caliber in action, it's hard to argue otherwise.
The clip of catches (and, unfortunately, a lewd touch down dance that featured Rocky humping the end zone) continues on for about another minute before the voice over starts again.
Flex: But now let's hear from Rocky's fans..
The footage switches over to the cheerleading squad all fighting to say something at the same time. Eventally they all pipe down and one of them speaks. It looks like she's about to cry.
Cheerleader: OHMIGOSH, LIKE, ROCKY IS THE HOTTEST GUY, LIKE, OF ALL TIME... OH.. MI.. GOSH..
Cheerleader 2: One time, he grabbed my [bleep] when I was walking by him.. he said it was an accident, but I think he was lying! (giggles uncontrollably)
Cheerleader 3: Last year, I told him I was, like, pregnant by him and he was like "no way, I totally wore a condom," and I was like "Nuh uh," and he was like "Yuh huh," so then I said "Nuh uh," and he was like "Then why do you have a used condom that's framed and has my picture beside it in your locker?" and I was like "Oh [bleep], you're right. It must be the quarterback's kid.." He's so smart and he practices safe sex!
Cheerleader 4: To show our appreciation, we made up this special cheer just for him. READY? OKAY!
Cheerleaders: R-O-C, K-Y, YOU CAN PUT IT BETWEEN OUR THIGHS! HEY ROCKY! HEY, HEEEY! HEY ROCKY! R-O-C, K-Y, YOUR MASSIVE MEAT MAKES US CRY! HEY ROCKY! HEY, HEEEY! HEY ROCKY! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, ROCKY!! (rustling of pom poms and scattered celebratory yelling)
The footage goes back to the live feed.
Flex: Appreciation. This is what this news report is all about, folks. And that's why this week is officially "Rocky Appreciation Week" here at Thruda High.
The camera pans back to reveal Flex standing infront of an absolutely gigantic poster of Rocky in his football jersey looking off into the distance with a few beads of sweat coming down his brow. The top of the poster reads as if it's a tag line for a blockbuster movie: "When everyone else is afraid of long distance charges, one man answers the call..." while the bottom simply reads "ROCKY".
Flex: This all leading up to the pep rally on Friday and the "Great Awakening" Snorlax ceremony later that night before the big Thruda High vs Dragon High game. Tickets will be on sale today at lunch on the football field and as an added bonus, Rocky will be on hand signing autographs! Hope to see ya there! For the "Snorlax Update," this is Flex Rubix signing off..
Meanwhile, in Shelly's first period class of Biology...
Shelly: I think I'm going to be sick...
Later, after first period, we find Shelly at her locker getting books for her next few classes before lunch. She's closing it and about to put the lock back on when Dash and Lara run up to her out of breath.
Shelly: (putting the lock back on) Um, do you guys need something?
Lara: (out of breath) We were *huff* running around the school trying to *puff* find you... (leans against nearest locker)
Shelly: Okay, so you found me. What's up?
Dash really looks winded as he is buckled over and breathing heavy. He holds up one finger as if to say "give me a minute". Lara seems to have caught her breath again, though.
Lara: Damn Dash, for a skinny guy you're really out of shape.
Dash makes a "time out" symbol with his hands before pathetically limping over to a nearby water fountain.
Lara: Anyways, Shelly, we couldn't find you at The Fist yesterday.
Shelly: That's because I was off; I don't work on Tuesdays. I told you I give one-on-one help on the weekends if you need me for that.
Dash walks back over, dripping water from his chin. He seems to be in working order again after gulping down half of the Pacific Ocean.
Dash: No, we meant to tell you to watch out for Rocky.
Shelly: Watch out for Rocky? Are you serious?
She points to the numerous posters and banners of him hanging in the halls at the moment.
Shelly: How can I avoid this creep? Somebody PLEASE tell me.. I don't know how much more of this I can stomach.. (begins walking towards her next class, Dash and Lara quickly follow behind)
Lara: What Dash means is he's not going to quit asking you out until you say "yes".
Shelly: Is this about yesterday in the supply store, Dash?
Dash: Yeah... if he shows up outside your house in a pair Zubat Man slippers jerking off outside your window, that's my bad. I kind of told him where you worked and what your name was.. He can probably look up the other information he needs online or something..
Shelly: YOU WHAT?! Why the fuck did you do that?!
Dash: He paid me $20.. What else was I supposed to do?
Lara: Um, say "no"?
Dash: Yeah, right.. And get gorilla press slammed all the way to 2001? Me thinks not.
Shelly stops walking and puts her hand out.
Shelly: Give me the money.
Dash: What? Why?!
Shelly gives him a stern look. Lara spots Senshi in a black ninja suit crawling along the top of the lockers. He sees he's been spotted and vanishes into a puff of white smoke.
Lara: (whispering to Dash) Give her the damn money before we get our asses beat by her Hitmonlee...
He digs in his pocket and pulls out the $20. He shakes his head as he hands it over to Shelly. She ends up stuffing it down her cleavage.
Shelly: Consider it punishment for giving me a bloody stalker. (starts walking again)
Lara: Can I ask you why you're probably the only girl in the school right now who wouldn't have his baby?
Shelly: I think the question you're trying to ask is "why I'm the only girl in the school who hasn't had his baby"... I really don't want to be associated with a man-slut. Plus, he probably has like every S.T.D. known to man and a few new ones science has yet to discover.
Lara: But the popularity would be out of this world for you if you were his girlfriend...
Dash: Lara, you're not helping.
Lara: I think I am helping! I'm looking out for Shelly's best interests, here!
Shelly: Are you now?
Lara: Um.. I would say so? I think dating Rocky would have more perks than downsides.
Shelly: Dash, how would you feel if you had to go out with the school slut?
Dash: Well, first of all, I don't even know who the school slut is. (nervous laughter) That's not a fair question.
Shelly stops walking and turns around towards Dash.
Shelly: Come here.
Dash: Wait, what?
Shelly grabs Dash by his black shirt and drags him towards the nearest girls restroom.
Dash: S-S-Shelly, w-what are you doing?
The two of them barge into the restroom.
Dash: Oh shit! (covers eyes)
Shelly, still dragging Dash by his shirt, kicks open one of the stalls. Nobody is in it.
Dash: (covering his eyes, nervously) Please tell me I'm not actually in the girls restroom...
Shelly kicks open another stall, nobody is in it. Still determined she moves on to the next and gets the same result.
Shelly: Bloody hell..
Dash: (covering his eyes, even more nervously) W-why are we even in here? I used t-t-to dream about g-getting d-d-dragged by my shirt by a girl into this p-place... just not this way... (peaks) OH GOD, TAMPAX DISPENSER... OH GOD...
Shelly: Shut up! (lets go of Dash) And open your eyes, it's nothing you haven't seen on Cinemax already.. Stop acting like a little kid. (swats at Dash to make him open his eyes)
Dash: FINE! Sheesh.. But if I get in trouble, I want you to know I'm singing like Celine Dion. I'll rat on you so fa---
Shelly motions for Dash to be quiet. The sounds of soft moans and kissing can be heard from the last stall.
She kicks open the last stall and a cheerleader with skanky make up on is busy making out with the 70 year old janitor.
Shelly: THIS is the school slut, Kathy McCleod.
Kathy: (crying) WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS DOING THIS TO ME, SHELLY?!
She runs out crying hysterically while flailing her arms over dramatically.
Shelly: Now, would want to kiss her after you know she's been swapping spit with that?
Shelly points to the janitor who is drooling as he tries to put his dentures back into place. Dash cringes.
Dash: God no.
Shelly: Then you see my point now, right?
Dash nods with a disgusted look on his face. The janitor gets up and rips a nasty one in the process. Dash dry heaves as a result.
Janitor: (slowly walking by the two) What the fuck are you two cock blockers looking at?
He grabs his mop and continues working.
Dash: Can we go now?
Shelly: (covering her nose) Yes, please...
They walk back out the restoom and Lara is waiting near the door.
Lara: (laughing) Feel like a man now, Dash? Haha.. Was it everything you dreamed about and more?
Shelly: Please, Dash acted like he's never seen a tampon before.
Lara: Why did that cheerleader come flying out of the restroom like that?
Dash: Shelly knew she was in there.
Lara: What the -- ? How?
Shelly: You know how Spider-Man has "spider sense"?
Shelly: Well I got "skank sense".
She smiles as she continues walking to class.
On the football field a few minutes before lunch starts, we find Rocky and a few other members of the Varsity football team setting up to sell tickets to the big rival game on Friday.
Rocky: Do you think I should use a black or red sharpie to sign autographs with?
Other Player: Can't go wrong with black.
Rocky: True. Black it is.
Coach Phart walks over to the ticket table with Rocky.
Coach Phart: Hey, excellent interview this morning. I think we're going to sell out this game thanks to you.
Rocky: (putting on sunglasses) Ha, I try Coach.
The ground starts to rumble.
Rocky: (turning around) What the hell?
The rest of the team is rolling the mascot Snorlax onto the football field using a boat load of cables hooked up to a pick up truck and line backers pushing him from the back. They finally get him to middle of the field before stopping. As you'd might expect, he's still sleeping and is snoring quite loudly. Another player on the team walks up to Rocky holding a cardboard box full of purple spray paint.
Other Player: Take one of these and a breathing mask.
Rocky: (taking the materials) What's this for? (shaking spray paint) We going to raid Dragon High or something?
Rocky puts on the breathing mask and starts breathing like Darth Vader.
Rocky: (imitating Darth Vader) WHEN IT COMES TO 14 YEAR OLD DANNY *breathe* LUKE, *breathe* YOU ARE THE FATHER.... *long exhale*
Other Player: (taking Rocky's mask off) No you dingus, we spray paint Snorlax purple every year.
Rocky: Dude, that's going to take forever!
Other Player: No shit, Sherlock -- that's why we got three days to do it. Whenever you're done... being a hotshot movie star... or whatever you call this... (motions to the table behind Rocky) this shit, the rest of the team will be over here doing something worth a damn. (walks off)
Rocky: Jealous, much? (under his breath) Why don't we just book Grimace from McDenny's... he's big, ugly and already purple...
Meanwhile, we find Dash and Lara hanging at Shelly's locker again.
Shelly: (opening her locker door) I can't believe this.
Lara: (kneeling down changing the band-aid on Babs' head, which is still poking out of her bookbag) What?
Shelly: This creep slipped a picture of himself into my locker and had the nerve to sign it "to my #1 fan and future girlfriend".
Dash: (playing his red Gameboy Pocket) So, it's just a picture... what's the big deal?
Shelly shows them the picture. It's of Rocky in a blue speedo with one finger in his mouth and another finger on his nipple.
Lara: (looking up) Eeeww..
Dash: Yeah, okay, that's creepy. (hides Gameboy as teacher walks by)
Lara nods in agreement as Shelly slams her locker door shut.
Shelly: (angrily) This stops right now.
She starts to storm off in the direction of the football field. She whistles and her Hitmonlee, Senshi, appears from a cloud of white smoke ninja style and begins to walk with a purpose beside her.
Lara: (nervously) Um.. what does she need Senshi for? (gets back up, puts bookbag back on)
Babs: (still with her head poking out of Lara's bookbag) PIKACHU?! (SENSHI?!)
She hides by zipping herself in the bookbag completely.
Dash: No clue, but I'm not missing this shit for the world.
The two run after Shelly.
Back on the football field, there is a huge turnout for the ticket sale and autograph signing. Things seem to be going smoothy.
Girl Student: OHMIGOSH, ROCKY, CAN YOU SIGN MY BABY?!
Rocky takes the cap off his black sharpie with a smile on his face.
Rocky: Sur-- wait, what? Your baby?
She holds up what appears to be a 8 month old baby wearing a "Thruda High Snorlaxes" shirt and puts him on the table for Rocky to sign.
Rocky: Um... okay? (leans over to sign the baby's head, but stops) Wait, he's not mine, is he?
The girl shakes her head.
Girl Student: No, it's the QB's.
Rocky turns around and yells at the quarterback, who is busy spray painting the Snorlax...
Rocky: (yelling) DAMN IT, WEAR A CONDOM! YOU'RE TURNING THIS SCHOOL INTO A DAYCARE OVER HERE!
The QB flips Rocky off and goes back to spray painting the large hibernating pokémon purple.
Rocky: (turning back around) Now where was I? Oh yeah.. (signs baby's forehead, but not with his name.. he ends up simply writing "COCKS") There you go.
Rocky hands the baby back to his young mother.
Girl Student: Thanks Rocky, you're the best!
She leans over and gives Rocky and kiss on the cheek. Meanwhile, Shelly has finally made it to the signing, but is in the very back of a huge crowd. Dash and Lara aren't too far behind and finally catch up with her.
Lara: You're not going to pass out again, are you?
Dash looks completely winded for the second time today. He makes another "time out" gesture and walks over to sit down on the bleachers.
Lara: (looking at Dash) You're such a wuss.. (turns to Shelly) Shelly, you aren't going to do anything stupid are you? I know you're angry right now and everything...
Shelly seems to be ignoring her.
Shelly: I'm not angry, if that's what you're worried about.
Lara: Okay good, I didn't want you to do anything you might regret later...
Shelly: I'm pissed!
Lara: Wait, what?
Shelly gives a nod to her Hitmonlee.
Senshi leaps into the air and begins to run over the crowd using their head's to gain footing. This causes a big comotion.
Lara: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
Shelly: Teaching Rocky not to play with me.
Rocky: (spots Senshi hopping from head to head) Oh, it looks like I got a pokémon fan. (smiles) Ha, I cross all demographics.
Senshi finally reaches the front of the crowd and is balancing on one guy's head as he stares a hole into the football star.
Rocky: I see that you're eager to meet "The Rock," but hey, you just cut like 200 people, dude. You're gonna have to go to the back of the line.
Some members of the crowd try to get Senshi down off the guy's head by grabbing at his long legs, but to no avail. He just flips from one head to the next, all while staying in the front of the line. He ends up hopping down due to frustration of not being able to stay in one spot, but he takes out a pair of nunchuckas and begins to swing them around with much skill.
Senshi: MONLEEEE!! (BACK THE FUCK UP!!)
The crowd gasps and takes a few steps back.
Rocky: WHOA LITTLE DUDE! There's no need to resort to violence! Look, how about I just give you an autograph right now so you can be happy and leave? How's that?
Rocky takes out his sharpie again, but Senshi throws a ninja star at it the second he does. It goes flying out of Rocky's hands. You can hear somebody screaming "AAAHH, MY EYE!!" faintly in the background.
Rocky: (in a scared tone) Uhh.... alright, I'm done signing autographs.. (nervous laugh) G'night everybody!
He gets up out of his chair slowly, as if he didn't want to make any sudden movements to upset the crazy Hitmonlee infront of him. He seems to have been planning a speedy escape until Shelly showed up in the front of the crowd.
Rocky: (lifting up his sunglasses) Shelly! Today is your lucky day! I was about to leave, but I'll do one more special autograph just for you..
He winks at his blue-haired object of affection.
Shelly: I don't want your lame ass autograph and I don't want your lame ass speedo picture, either!
She takes out the photo and tosses it behind her. Several girls fight over it in the background.
Rocky: Oh come on, you know you dug that picture...
Shelly looks disgusted at the thought of it again.
Shelly: Please, don't flatter yourself. I don't think your ego can take anymore inflation. And your ass is lucky I don't file sexual harassment against you because of this shit.
Rocky: Girl, you're going to date me eventually. Just give up the act and let me sign your boobs already, m'kay?
Rocky takes out another sharpie, a red one this time, but Senshi throws another ninja star at that one as well. You can hear somebody screaming "AAAHH, MY OTHER EYE!!" in the background.
Rocky: (slightly aggrivated) And let me guess, this Bruce Lee wannabe is yours? (looks at Senshi)
Rocky: Damn, he sure is pretty denfensive of his owner. Is this why you don't have a boyfriend?
Senshi, clearly angry at Rocky's statements, hops on the table and is about to deliver a round house kick directly to his face when a long vine wraps around his leg milliseconds before impact.
Senshi: Lee? (What the --?)
Yet another vine wraps around his other leg and lifts him into the air upside down.
Rocky: Vinny! Didn't see you there, buddy.
Rocky's Venusaur, Vinny, was apparently asleep off to the side but woke up just in time to save his owner from getting his teeth kicked down his throat.
Shelly: Hey! Put him down!
Senshi is trying to loosen the vine grip to no avail.
Vinny: Saur venu.. (Okay..)
He ends up slamming Senshi completely through the autograph table. The crowd gasps loudly as Vinny's vines retract.
Rocky: What's your problem? I should be the angry one! I almost got my face raped by that dude's feet!
Senshi kick flips back up and looks to be slightly dazed. He looks around trying to find the source of the sneak attack. Senshi's eyes squint as he spots Vinny off to the side and immediately begins to charge at him.
Senshi: HITMONLEE!! (YOU'RE DEAD!!)
Vinny takes out his vines again and tries to grab at Senshi's legs again before he can get close, but he keeps doing various flips to dodge. Still determined to stop Senshi's impending onslaught, Vinny ends up grabbing one of the fighting pokémon's arms by chance and begins to lift him into the air again to attempt another slam. Meanwhile, Dash and Lara are in the bleachers watching this unfold.
Dash: This is like, the first real pokémon fight we've seen! This is great!
Dash: Oh yeah, thanks.
Lara passes him a big bag of popcorn and he takes a handful before passing it back. Back with the battle, Senshi takes out yet another ninja star, cuts himself free of Vinny's grip, and continues his charge.
Rocky: VINNY, RAZOR LEAF ATTACK!
The Venusaur shoots out several sharp leaves from the giant bulb flower on his back and sends them spiraling in Senshi's direction with hurricane force winds.
Senshi: Lee hit.. (Oh shit..)
He manages to block the first few leaves, but ends up getting cut on various places on his body by the rest. He's bleeding pretty bad right now. Somehow, he's still standing and gestures to Vinny to "bring it".
Out come more vines but Senshi swats them away while continuing his charge. He finally gets within close range and delivers a very painful looking flying high knee to Vinny's head. The crowd "oohs" at the impact.
Dash: Damn, Senshi was holding back against your Pikachu. He could have killed her haha!
Lara: Don't remind me...
As Vinny was dazed by the knee, he delivers a spinning back fist followed by a head butt. Senshi then hops on top of him and forcefully takes out two of his own vines from the bulb flower before front flipping back down, crossing the vines in an "X" and jumping back flipping back up again to choke the life out of Vinny.
Rocky: WHAT THE FUCK!? That's not even fair!
Shelly: "Fair"? You're acting like this is a sanctioned match or something. This is a street fight -- there are no rules.
Rocky: Well whatever, get your stupid Hitmonlee off my Venusaur! He's trying to kill him!
Vinny's eyes are rolling in the back of his head and he's gasping for air. Out of nowhere, Sensei Watts' massive pokémon, Crusher, grabs a hold of Senshi with one of his four arms and removes him from Vinny with authority.
Sensei Watts: Alright, show's over!
Crusher puts Shelly's bloody Hitmonlee down. Watts is fuming so much his mask is smoking.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) WINDSWORTH! HOPPER! PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, A.S.A.P!
Rocky: But I didn't even do anything, Sensei! It's Shelly's fault!
Shelly: If you weren't busy stalking me, maybe I wouldn't have brought my Hitmonlee with me.
She motions over to Senshi, who just fainted due to blood loss, off to the side. Vinny is passed out as well.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) NOW!!
Dash: Aw crap, Sensei Watts is pissed.
Lara: I guess her and Rocky are former students of his. See, I told you it's possible to pass his class.... Is it just me, or is his mask actually smoking?
Shelly takes out a pokéball and returns Senshi to it. Rocky does the same, and they both get escorted by Watts to the principals office. Crusher is busy yelling at the crowd to leave. Hey, you don't have to understand pokémon gibberish if a muscular, four-armed Machamp is screaming at you to go about your business haha.
Inside Principal Sanders' office, we find Shelly sitting with her legs crossed in one chair as she looks off to the side frowning, Rocky twiddling his thumbs in another, and Sensei Watts standing between them with his arms crossed. Principal Sanders is reading over the write-up Watts handed to him a few minutes ago. It's so quiet you can hear the clock ticking in the background.
Principal Sanders: I expect this kind of brash behavior out of our Freshmen, not my Sophomores and Juniors. I expect them to have some kind of sense..
Shelly: Sir, I told you it wasn't my fault.. Rocky was --
She gets cut off mid sentence.
Principal Sanders: It doesn't matter who's fault it was! The end result was still the illegal use of pokémon on school grounds, which is a suspendable offense.
Rocky: Wait, whoa, suspendable?! You're going to suspend me?!
Principal Sanders: I have no choice here. It clearly states in the student handbook there is to be no fighting between pokémon unless it's pre-approved.
Rocky: WHAT?! It's "Rocky Appreciation Week," remember?! This isn't very appreciative of Rocky, sir..
Shelly: Did you seriously just refer to yourself in the third person?
Principal Sanders: My hands are tied with this one. I'm just following the rules... Rules that you two broke.
Shelly: Do I need to remind you I'm the victim here? I mean, he was stalking me! He left me a picture of him in a bloody speedo of all things!
Rocky: Wow your accent is so sexy.. What is that, Australian?
Shelly: Do you ever quit?! (under her breath) And it's English, dumbass...
Sensei Watts: HEY! Both of you shut up!
Crusher walks into the office eating a slice of pizza he got from the cafeteria.
Principal Sanders: Hey! No food in my office!
Crusher: Chaaaaamp.. (Oh c'mon, I'm hungry...)
Principal Sanders: (pointing towards the door) OUT!
Crusher looks at his owner as if he can veto the decision. Sensei Watts shrugs.
Crusher: Amp. (Fuck.)
Crusher mumbles in frustation as he exits.
Principal Sanders: I'm going to have to suspend both of you for a week.
Rocky: What about the Dragon High game? I'm the only hope the school has of winning... You can't suspend me!
Principal Sanders is filling out some paper work.
Principal Sanders: I just did.
He hands both Shelly and Rocky slips of paper that gives them details of their suspensions. Rocky groans.
Principal Sanders: Hopefully you two lovebirds can work your problems out over the next week.
Shelly: (getting up) Oh, trust me, I'm not in love with this fool.
Rocky: Don't believe her, she's just delusional because she didn't eat breakfast this morning. She needs more "vitamin me"..
Shelly: (leaving the office) You're pathetic.
Rocky gets up as well and follows Shelly out of the office back into the halls.
Shelly: .... Why are you still following me?
Rocky: I'm not following you, I'm just walking to my car like you are. No harm in that, is there?
Shelly: What, do you want to impress me with your new model sports car with 500 Ponyta Power or something?
Rocky: I wish I drove a sports car... I drive a piece of shit, actually. (jiggles keys)
Shelly: Please, like I'm supposed to believe that the future super duper #1 draft pick for the NFL drives a piece of crap. What year is it? A '97? You consider last year's models crap now, right?
Rocky: Um, no.
Shelly: Then lemme guess, you already have a '99 and your '98 is crap.
Rocky: I'm telling you it's a stinkin' rust-bucket. It's embarassing to drive.
The two of them reach the student parking lot.
Shelly: (opening the door leading outside) Alright, then show me your so-called "rust bucket". I could use some entertainment at your expense.
They walk over to a very shitty looking station wagon parked next to a shiny new Mitsubishi Eclipse.
Shelly: Rocky, stop lying. I told you you drive a sports car. You're pathetically pathetic, you know that?
Rocky opens the door to the station wagon.
Shelly: ... oh...
Rocky: Believe me now?
He tries to start up the engine and the hood starts to smoke.
Rocky: Aw dammit...
He tries to start up the engine again and gets nothing. He bangs on the dashboard in anger and one of his tires pop.
Shelly: Oh well, sucks for you.
Shelly starts walking towards her car.
Rocky tries to open his door again, but it's jammed, so he gets out his car by sliding out the window and jogs after Shelly.
Rocky: You can't give me a ride home?
Shelly: Hmm, let me think about that one... (stops walking) No. (continues walking again)
Rocky: Come on! You won! You beat up my Venusaur and got me suspended all in one day and you can't even give me a ride home?
Shelly: I'd consider it a victory if you dropped dead.
Shelly takes out her car keys and opens the door to her Pontiac Sunfire. Rocky is looking through the passenger side window like a puppy that wants to be bought at a pet store.
Rocky: You can't be that cold hearted to leave me stranded here... You're my only option.
Shelly: You can't run home? I thought you were the damn wide receiver! Just pretend the cars on the road are a football you're trying to catch and you'd be home in no time flat...
Rocky: Shelly, c'mon...
Rocky continues to stare at her with a look of desperation.
Shelly: Fine whatever, just don't talk to me. (unlocks door)
Rocky: (getting in) I'm going to have to talk to you to tell you where I live.
Shelly: (putting on her seatbelt) FINE.
Rocky: Ooh, you drive a stick shift..
Shelly: (starting the car) So?
Rocky: That's sexy...
She cuts the car off.
Shelly: Get out.
Rocky: I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I'll shut up... (puts seatbelt back on and gestures that he's locking his mouth up and throwing away the key)
Last edited by paqman; 10th April 2009 at 08:24 PM.
11th April 2009, 07:00 AM
Re: Thruda High (PG-13, language, humor)
This is the last episode I have written.. Hope you've enjoyed it so far.
THRUDA HIGH EPISODE FIVE, "DRAGON HIGH WUZ HERE"
Picking up right where we left off, Shelly starts the car again and turns on her CD Player. As you'd expect, 'N Sync is blasting through the speakers. Rocky looks as if he's about to vomit as she starts to back out of the parking lot.
Shelly: (turning down the volume, slightly amused) Do you have a problem with 'N Sync or something?
Rocky: (very uncomfortable) Me? No... No, they're... gay.. I mean.. they're fine... as in their music is fine.. not the, uh, the, er, guys in the group... yeah..
Shelly: Okay, that's cool.
She turns the volume way up.
Rocky: Oh God...
Shelly sees that boy band music is his kryptonite and starts singing to "I Want You Back". Rocky is squirming in his seat.
Shelly: (singing decently) You're all I ever wanted, you're all I ever needed, yeeaah, so tell me what to do now.. when I want.. you... back... (looks over at Rocky) I can pull over if you want to leave, you know.
Rocky shakes his head.
Rocky: (very uncomfortable) Nah, I'm straight... as in... I don't like the guys in this group... I like girls... you know.. you know that, right? Girls.. yeah.. I like girls. (cups hands) Yeah... I like tits... you know? (stares at Shelly's low cut black shirt)
Shelly: Alright, just checking. (turns up volume even more and resumes singing)
Rocky: (yelling over the music) I NEED TO TELL YOU WHERE I LIVE NOW..
Shelly: (yelling) WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! (goes back to singing)
Rocky looks like his head is about to explode from pop music overload.
Rocky: (screaming at the top of his lungs) I NEED TO TELL YOU WHERE I LIVE!!!
Shelly finally turns the music back down.
Shelly: Fine. How do I get to your house from here?
Rocky: Take a right after the next light.
Shelly: Is this going to take forever?
Rocky: No, I'm really about 15 minutes away.
There's a few moments of silence between the two of them.
Rocky: I got a question for you..
Shelly looks over at Rocky for a second with an annoyed expression before going back to driving.
Rocky: No, seriously.
Shelly: (turning the music down even more) What?!
Rocky: What the hell kind of name for a pokémon is "Senshi" anyways?
Shelly: It's means "warrior" in Japanese. Happy?
She reaches for the volume knob but Rocky speaks again.
Rocky: Hey, I got another question.
Shelly: (annoyed) WHAT?!
Rocky: How exactly did your Hitmonlee become so freaking violent?! That fool carries around all kinds of damn weapons and fights like he's trying not to get raped in prison or something...
Shelly is relunctant to answer.
Shelly: ...... Well... (smirks) I kinda taught him to fight dirty like that... but he was always kind of over the top with violence.
FLASHBACK... Shelly's first day in 9th grade, August 18th, 1997...
Prof. Redwood: (looking down at his clipboard) Your test results are pretty unique....
Shelly: "Unique"? That's a good thing, right?
Prof. Redwood: I'd say it's a good thing. You're the first girl to get a Hitmonlee from my lab in over four years. Your personality type should match up well with his natural behavior.
Shelly: "Natural behavior"? What's that mean?
Prof. Redwood: Weeeell... I'm not going to lie to you, Shelly... Hitmonlees are fairly violent pokémon and are very difficult for new trainers to handle; so much so they're almost for Beta trainers only. It's rare I even give these out to the males of the school and even rarer a female's score make them eligible to receive one. (takes out pokéball and blows the dust off) So, please, handle with extreme caution.
Shelly takes the pokéball, but is hesitant to open it.
Shelly: He's, like, not going to kill me or anything when I let him out is he?
Prof. Redwood shakes his head as he scribbles down something on his clipboard.
Shelly: ... Alright... (tosses pokéball in the air and lets it fall to the floor. Out pops a very surprised Hitmonlee) Hey buddy, I'm your new trainer. (waves)
He overlooks Shelly and doesn't deem her as a threat, so he turns his attention to Redwood.
Shelly: Um, what are you doing?
Hitmonlee frowns as he stares at Prof. Redwood. He takes out a kendo stick.
Shelly: WHAT THE HELL?!
Prof. Redwood: What's going on? (looks down at Hitmonlee) AAHH!!!
The crazed pokémon smacks the professor in the knee with the kendo stick repeatedly. Redwood falls to the ground and the attack continues.
Shelly: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Hitmonlee: (whacking Redwood in the knees) MONLEEE!! (THIS IS FOR KEEPING ME IN THAT DAMN BALL FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS!!)
Shelly: I can't explain why he carries the weapons though.. I have nothing to do with that. I think he has an underground supplier in Japan or something.
Rocky: Figures.. Ooh, ooh, make this left turn coming up.
Shelly follows his directions and there's more silence between the two of them for another few minutes.
Shelly: .... Are you afraid of my Hitmonlee?
Shelly: ... Because you should, you know.
Rocky: (nervously) Me? Noooo... He's, uh, great...
Shelly: You sure? (takes out pokéball)
Rocky: (nervously and very unconfident) Yeah, I, uh, I love that little... violent... short tempered... martial arts expert... thing... of yours...
Shelly shrugs then tosses the pokéball in the backseat. Senshi pops out and he seems to have been in the middle of fixing his wounds as he's taping himself up with medical tape. He stops when he spots Rocky sitting in the passenger seat and immediately takes out a rag and a bottle of ether.
Shelly: (looking in the rearview) SENSHI! Put that away!
Senshi acts like he's not doing anything wrong and tries to play it off by acting like the rag is a wig.
Shelly: (looking in the rearview) NOW! Don't me come back there!
Her Hitmonlee still tries to play off the fact he's holding a rag and a bottle of ether. He even replaces the "ether" label on the bottle with a sticker that says "not ether". Shelly sucks her teeth in frustration before reaching back there and snatching the tools of death away from him. Senshi looks like a 5 year old who just had his juice box taken away.
Shelly: I don't even know where he gets this shit from, honestly.
Rocky: (looks over at what she's holding) OH MY GOD!! Was he going to kill me?!
Rocky looks back at Senshi in the back seat. Senshi makes a throat cutting gesture at him as he trembles with intense anger. Spooked to high hell, Rocky quickly turns back around.
Shelly: (reaching over to put rag and ether in the glove box) Yes. (looking back in the rearview) And put your damn seatbelt on!
Senshi sadly puts on his seatbelt before going back to staring a hole into Rocky.
Rocky: I KNEW IT! You got feelings for me!
Shelly: Did you get a whiff of that rag or something? You must be losing brain cells to think that.
Rocky: You stopped him from killing me! That proves you care! HA!
Shelly: Um, no.. That just means I don't feel like having a dead body in my car for the next few days. What is this, "Weekend At Bernie's"?
Back at Thruda High, Dash and Lara are in their Algebra class. The classroom lights are off since the class is taking notes from the overhead.
Dash: I wonder what happened to Shelly and Rocky... Do you think they just got detention or something?
Lara: (looking at the overhead) I dunno... I don't think we're supposed to use pokémon to fight each other on campus. (writing down notes) My guess is that they got suspended.
Dash: (clicking at his mechanical pencil) You seriously think they suspended the golden boy of Thruda High three days before the Dragon High game? That's basically suicide.
Lara: Good point.
Dash: (squinting to see the overhead) Maybe Shelly just got the axe? Senshi is pretty violent, you know... Plus, she started it... Well, the physical part of the thing, atleast.
Lara: I wonder where the hell she learned to fight like that. You think she does underground fighting or something?
Dash: (writing down notes) Underground fighting? You mean, the illegal kind of underground fighting, right?
Lara: Duh, what other kind is there?
Dash: Hmm.. She doesn't strike me as the kind of chick to do that. (erases something) I mean, a little Judo here, a short tempered Hitmonlee there... (blows at paper) Other than that, she seems pretty straight laced to me.
The bell rings and the class starts to put away their notes and pack up. The teacher puts the lights back on and cuts off the overhead.
Lara: Yeah, I guess you're right. (picks up her bookbag) Babs, get out. I need to put my books up.
She nudges her pokémon awake. Babs yawns before crawling out of her bookbag.
Babs: (stretching on Lara's desk as a few charges of electricity emit from her cheeks) Piiiikaaaaa.... (yawns again)
Dash: Why don't you just put her in a pokéball like everyone else around here does? (gets up, puts pencil behind ear)
Lara: (putting her books back into ther bookbag) Because I want everyone to see how cute she is.
Babs: (giving peace sign) Chu!
Dash: You call wearing a pink bow and, like, 4 "Hello Kitty" band-aids on her face "cute"? (puts on bookbag and starts walking towards the door)
Lara: (gets up) YES. (Babs jumps onto her left shoulder) You must be jealous because your Charmander will burn the school down if you had him out of his ball for the day.
The two of them walk into the busy halls. It's the end of the day, so it's really flooded.
Dash: I'm actually making some kind of progress with Rex.
Lara: Oh really? Do tell...
Dash: Yes, really... He's learning he gets ice cream if he listens to me.
Lara: You call that progress? You're just bribing him.
Dash: Well, before he wouldn't do anything unless I gave him the ice cream first. He was holding me hostage.
Lara: (laughing) Yeah, okay, Dash.. Hey, I'm going to walk over to Shelly's house to see what's up.. Feel like taggin' along?
Dash looks at his digital watch. It's 3:30.
Dash: I dunno, Rex gets kind of pissy if he misses Dragonball Z on Toonami. It comes on in an hour... (taps on watch)
Lara: Are you serious? DBZ? Doesn't that show move along at a snail's pace?
FLASHBACK.... ON YESTERDAY'S EPISODE OF DRAGONBALL Z...
Goku: I WON'T LET YOU KILL THE PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET, FREIZA!
Freiza: TOO BAD, BECAUSE I WILL!! HA-HA-HAAA!
Goku: NOT IF I POWER UP FIRST!
The two of them stare at each other for 22 minutes as they power up.
Goku: (powering up) AAAAAAAAHH!!!
Freiza: (powering up) AAAAHHH!!!!
Goku: (powering up) AAAHHHHH!!!!!
Freiza: (powering up) AAAAAAAAHHH!!!
Goku: (powering up) AAAHHHHH!!!!!
Freiza: (powering up) AAAAAAAAHHH!!!
Announcer: WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT ON DRAGONBALL Z?! TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!
Meanwhile, Mash and Rex (sitting in Dash's room), are at the edges of their seats.
Mash: THIS SHOW IS THE BEST SHIT EVER.
Dash: Yeah, it really does. I dunno how he puts up with watching it.. I woulda killed the writers by now. Still, he'll be uber pissy if I don't let him watch it.
Lara: Man, what's he really going to miss? Another power up battle? Stop letting Rex control you; you're the trainer, not him, remember?
Dash thinks for a second.
Dash: Hey, you're right. On second thought, yeah, I'll walk with you to Shelly's house.
Lara: (smiling) Cool.
Lara starts to blush again.
Dash: Um, why are you red?
Lara: Huh what?
Dash: Your face... it's turning red. Are you alright?
Lara: Um.. (steps on her own foot, whinces in pain and really turns red) I just stubbed my toe... that's... all... (groans)
Meanwhile, Shelly has finally made it Rocky's house. She pulls into the driveway and parks the car. The bubblegum pop sounds of 'N Sync are still pumping through her speakers, but at a lower volume.
Shelly: Alright, get out.
Rocky: You seem so eager to get rid of me...
Shelly: Because I am. (unlocks his door) Bye bye.
She sarcastically waves.
Rocky: (taking off his seatbelt) What, no goodbye kiss or anything?
Shelly looks at him like he's stupid.
Rocky: What? Can you blame me for tryin'?
Shelly: Get the hell out of my car.
Rocky: Wait, wait..
Rocky takes out a scrap piece of paper and a pen from out of his pocket. He scribbles down his phone number on it and hands it to Shelly.
Rocky: Call me later, babe. (winks)
Shelly: (balling up the piece of paper and tossing it out the window) Sure...
Meanwhile, Senshi is still sitting in the backseat, but is trying his best to control his anger and not kill Rocky. He's looking off to the left trying to ignore what's going on.
Rocky: You know what your problem is, Shelly?
Shelly: (annoyed) What?
Rocky: You need a boyfriend.
Shelly laughs at the thought.
Shelly: And you need to go take an AIDs test...
Rocky: No seriously. You're all uptight for no reason.
Shelly: Oh, I have a reason for being uptight and I'm looking at it right now... Now get out.
Rocky gets out of the car.
Rocky: Let me take you out on one date. C'mon...
Shelly: Bye, Rocky. (reaches to close the door)
Rocky: One date! You can't even give me that?!
She starts to back out of his driveway.
She drives off, but Senshi, with a crazed look in his eye, turns around in the backseat as the car is leaving so Rocky can see him perfectly. He pulls out another bottle of ether and sticks a sign that says "IN UR SLEEP" on the back window in big, bold red letters in what looks to be written in his own blood. He appears to be chuckling madly (he's lacking a mouth, but you can tell by his eyes) as he shakes up the bottle and pulls out yet another rag.
Rocky: (thinking) Okay.. note to self: update "to do" list. 1. Call 9-1-1 2. Shit Myself 3. Decide which order
Back with Dash and Lara, we find them walking up to Shelly's doorsteps.
Lara: Odd, her car isn't here.
Dash: (walking up to the garage and looking through the tiny window) What's it look like?
Lara: I dunno... It's a blue something. Kind of sporty... recent...
Dash: (still looking through) Nope. Ain't here.
Lara decides to ring the doorbell. Dash is walking back over to the doorsteps as he looks at his watch again.
Dash: Crap, it's 4:15. Definitely no Dragonball Z for Rex today. I'm going to have to give him a bunch of ice cream when I get home so he won't burn me alive.
Lara rings the doorbell again. Dash wanders off to another section of the front yard for the moment.
Lara: Where could she be? She should have been home hours ago.
A little kid with brown hair answers the door. He looks like he's around 7 or 8 years old and he's sporting a black Power Rangers t-shirt. The kid also appears to have orange Cheeto crumbs around his mouth.
Kid: Who are you?
Lara: Hi, I'm, uh Lara Garfield and this is my boyfr--- I mean.. uhh... friend, Dash Gotem. (motions to Dash off to the side) We're friends of Shelly's... are you her brother?
Lara: Oh. What's your name, again? I don't remember seeing you here on Monday when I was over here.
Out of focus in the background, the automatic sprinklers come on and Dash is caught in the middle of them.
Dash: (getting soaked) AGAIN WITH THE WATER?!
Chad: I was prolly playin' Playstation or somethin' on Monday.
Lara: Oh... Okay.. Do you know where Shelly is by any chance?
Chad: She's right behind you.
He points to Shelly's car pulling into the driveway. Dash leaps out of the sprinkers and jogs over to her car as she's getting out.
Shelly: (closes door) What are you two doing here? (looks at Dash, who's dripping wet again) If you wanted to use my pool, you should have asked..
Dash: (ringing out his shirt) I got attacked by your sprinker system, thank you very much.
Senshi gets out the car and is now checking the mail. He has a very bad limp, most likely from the fight earlier.
Lara: We were actually wondering where you were.. We wanted to know what happened to you in the principal's office earlier.
Dash: Yeah, so what's the deal?
Chad: YOU WERE IN THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE?! OOOH, I'M TELLIN'!
Shelly: Chad, go watch Power Rangers or something and shut up.
Senshi walks up to the door, sorting through the many envelopes in the mail.
Chad: MAKE ME!
Senshi stops looking through the mail to leer at Chad.
Chad: Uhh.. I think I'll go watch Power Rangers now...
Shelly's younger brother runs off into the house again as Senshi limps his way in.
Shelly: Principal Sanders suspended me... and Rocky..
Dash: Rocky too? (throw hands in the air, flings a bit of water in Lara's direction) Damn, there goes the Dragon High game.
Lara: (wiping her forehead) Suspended? For how long, a few days?
Shelly: *sigh* Try a whole week -- my parents are going to have a cow when they get home. And to make things worse I had to drive that idiot home just now.
Lara: What did you do that for? I thought you hated his guts.
Shelly: His piece of crap he calls a ride died on him in the student parking lot and he annoyed me to death about giving a ride home. But don't worry, I found out he's deathly afraid of boy band music and my Hitmonlee.
Dash: What guy isn't afraid of those two things? (rings out shirt again)
Shelly walks into the house.
Shelly: You guys are welcome to come in and stay for awhile if you want.
Lara: Oh, cool. (walks into the house)
Babs: (still on Lara's shoulder) PIKACHU! (TRL!)
Dash gets up the steps before Shelly stops him.
Dash: (dripping water) What? ... (Shelly points down to the puddle forming underneath him) Oh.
Shelly: You're not coming in my house like that. I can put your shirt and pants through the dryer real quick, though.
Dash: I can't even come in your house to take these off?
Shelly shakes her head.
Shelly: Hell no. My mom would kill me; this is brand new carpet. Take your clothes off right here.. what's the big deal?
Dash looks at Lara, who is giggling. He groans as he walks behind a bush to take his clothes off.
Shelly: (whispering to Lara) You're not going to start blushing again, are you?
Lara: (whispering) Shut up..... maybe...
Shelly: WOOO!! TAKE IT OFF!! (throws a penny at Dash and laughs)
Dash: (behind the bush) A penny?! That's all I'm worth? I'm insulted.
Shelly: Hit the gym and maybe it'll go up to a quarter.
Lara tosses a dollar at him. He picks it up and smiles.
Lara: Feel better now, Dash?
Dash: See, Lara knows a good product when she sees one.
A few moments later, he pops out of the bushes in just his socks and boxers.
Shelly: Aren't you a little too old for Transformers underwear?
Dash: (handing Shelly his wet clothes) First of all, nobody is ever too old for Optimus Prime. (walks in the house)
Lara: (whispering to Shelly) Cute butt...
Shelly nods with approval as she closes the front door.
Thursday, August 27th, 1998. It's another boring start to the day... Dash is hanging with Lara before 1st period starts outside the school as usual. Dash is sitting down in the grass in the gigantic front lawn of the school trying to finish last night's Geography homework while Lara and Babs share a strawberry pop tart beside him. The time is now 8:15.
Lara: Why didn't you just do that last night?
Dash: (writing) I did do it last night... Rex just burned it to ashes with his tail... Along with the rest of my homework.. What am I supposed to do, say my Charmander threw a fit because I didn't let him watch Dragonball Z?
Lara takes a few moments to chew before talking again. She lets Babs, who is on her shoulder as usual, take a nibble of the pop tart.
Lara: I'd hate to keep pointing out the obvious, but you're not doing such a good job with training Rex, Dash. Didn't we have this conversation yesterday?
Dash: Yeah, I know.. but he's so damn moody. I can't really do anything about it.
Lara: So? If you keep letting him throw hissy fits like this over stupid things like Ben & Jerry's and Dragonball Z, Sensei is eventually going to notice that he has more control over you than you do him. You gotta nip this one in the bud before he's a full grown Charizard and can really kick your ass.
Dash: (writing) I'm hoping it's just a phase... (look at Babs) Is she supposed to even eat pop tarts?
Lara: What's wrong with pop tarts? Doesn't Rex have some kind of fetish for ice cream?
Suddenly, there's a big comotion coming from inside the school. Several people are running inside to check it out.
Lara: (chewing) What's going on?
Dash: (closing his books) I'm guessing it's another fight. If it's anything like yesterday's, I'm not going to miss this.
Lara: Damn, never a dull moment with high school life... (hands Babs the rest of the pop tart to eat)
They both get up to see what's going on. There's a big crowd forming in the hall when they get inside.. Turns out a football player is fighting somebody in a ski mask wearing a Dragon High "Dragonite Power" T-Shirt. Several other players are in the crowd as well.
Football Player: (holding guy in ski mask against the wall) WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HIM, HUH?!
Ski Mask Guy: Fuck you. I'm not snitching.
The player punches him in the face a few times.
Football Player: WHERE IS HE?!
Coach Phart breaks up the fight.
Coach Phart: What the Mankey's uncle is going on here? (looks at the ski mask guy) Who is this??
Football Player: We found this clown hiding in the bleachers this morning when the team got here early to finish spray painting Snorlax and he's gone.
Coach Phart: Who's gone? Snorlax?
Football Player: YES! This bastard is from Dragon High and him and a few of his numb nut friends stole our mascot, Coach!
The crowd gasps.
Football Player: He was the only one still sticking around.
Coach Phart: How the hell do you steal an entire Snorlax -- a half green and purple one at that -- without anyone noticing?
Ski Mask Guy: (wiping the blood from his nose) You Snorlaxes are all the same -- retarded. This is the most genius plan in years and the Dragonites did what no other school could do and that's steal your fat ass mascot. You may have me caught, but the job's already been done! Best of all, you don't even know what my face looks like! HA-HA-HAA (Coach Phart takes off his ski mask) ha.. haa... dammit...
Crusher comes stomping up to the scene. Sensei Watts isn't far behind.
Coach Phart: Good to see ya, Crush. Take this numb skull to the principal's office.
Crusher: Machamp, amp, cha! (With pleasure!)
He grabs the Dragon High student into a fireman's carry and hauls him off to the office.
Ski Mask Guy: It's not over! IT'S NOT OVER!! HAHAHAHA!!
Crusher: CHAMP! (SHUT UP!)
The four armed pokémon smacks the intruder upside the head with his other arm.
Sensei Watts: I haven't seen a scene this bloody since I beat up the Big Bossman in Toronto.. What's the deal?
Coach Phart: I'm afraid Dragon High stole our Snorlax.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) WHAT?!
His mask starts to smoke again.
Dash: So first Rocky gets suspended and we're guaranteed a loss on Friday night, and now Dragon High stole our freakin' mascot? Can this get any worse?
Lara: I'm just glad I didn't buy tickets yet.. This game is going to be a massacre.
As the bell rings to signify the start of 1st period, Sensei Wattts' class is without a teacher at the moment...
Dash: (booting up his pokédex) I guess Sensei is still dealing with that Dragon High idiot?
Lara: This is all a bit sketch in my opinion.. I mean, seriously, stealing an entire Snorlax?
Dash: (sarcastically) As opposed to just stealing his arm, right? (laughs)
Lara: (taking out her pokédex and notebook) You know what I mean. Nobody heard him snoring atleast? He's pretty loud.
Dash: Maybe that Dragon High kid was right.. Maybe people in Thruda are retarded enough to let a 1 ton half green, half purple, snoring pokémon slip past them in the ass crack of the morning?
Lara looks at the clock at the front of the class before checking her watch. It's 8:50.
Lara: I wonder if Sensei is going to hit that Dragon High clown with a chair?
Dash: (taking out his fire resistant training gloves and Rex's pokéball from his bookbag) Nah, he'll probably smash him over the head with his cheap-o championship belt and challenge the principal of Dragon High to an electrified steel cage match on pay-per-view...
As Lara laughs at her friend's statement, the television in the classroom (which is normally displaying the time) switches over to the theme music and title sequence for the school's morning news program "The Snorlax Update".
Dash: (rolling Rex's pokéball around on the desk) That Flex Rubix douche better have a decent scoop on this kidnapping thing.
Lara: That's not going to make Rex dizzy?
Dash: (continues rolling pokéball around) What? ... Oh, this? (shrugs) I dunno..
Inside Rex's Pokéball we see him bouncing from wall to wall.
Rex: Mander mander! (I'm going to burn his porno collection next if he keeps this up!)
The news report starts with lead reporter Flex Rubix duct taped to a chair in a dark room that's only lit by the solitary bulb hanging from a chain. A few guys in black ski masks and Dragon High shirts are surrounding him... The image quality is somewhat grainy and goes in and out of color and black and white.
Flex: (trying to speak through the duct tape) MMF! MMF! MMMMF!!
One of the masked Dragon High students takes a glass of water from off a nearby table and splashes it on his face.
Ski Mask Guy 1: Hey! Shut up!
Dash: What the hell? They kidnapped Flex, too?!
Lara: (shaking head) Never a dull moment, right?
Dash: Yeah, well, when they told me high school was going to be different than middle school, I thought they were referring to the work -- not the rival school doing terrorist acts...
Ski Mask Guy 2: Good morning, Ex-laxes... er, I mean, "Snorlaxes"... If you are seeing this video then that means we've successfully hacked into your video feed and can show anything we want.. like this... (footage changes to a two Growlithes humping each other set to kinky music) Or this... (footage changes to a bootleg looking advanced copy of "The Matrix") Yeah.. we have this already -- that's just how Dragon City rolls.. OR THIS! (footage changes to Bambi's mother getting shot) HAHAHA!
Dash: (tearing up) NOT BAMBI'S MOM! NOOO!!!
Dash bangs his head on the desk as he cries.
Lara: Jesus Dash, you're still not over that?
Dash: (crying with his head on the desk) WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR?! (looks up at Lara) WHY, LARA?! (puts his head down again, slightly muffled) WHHHY-HY-HYYYYYY?! (bangs fist on desk and continues sobbing)
Lara looks around as she whistles innocently before scooting her desk several inches away from Dash.
Ski Mask Guy 3: By now we're sure you noticed that your obsese mascot of yours is missing and, yeah, we know what you're thinking... We stole it. Past generations of Dragonites have tried to steal him but have failed every year.. Ever year until now. HA-HAA!!
Ski Mask Guy 1: This day... This tape.. WE will live in infamy. Thruda High, we're declaring war on your school and will not stop until you forfeit tomorrow's game.
Ski Mask Guy 2: Bow out now, or the blood of your own will be.... will be.... uhh... will be.. Dammit, the telprompter jammed. What was my line again?
Ski Mask Guy 3 pulls out a script and flips to the last page.
Ski Mask Guy 3: Uhh.... Ah, here we go. (points to line)
Ski Mask Guy 2: Oh.. (clears throat) BOW OUT NOW, OR THE BLOOD OF YOUR OWN WILL BE ON YOUR HANDS! HA-HA-HAA!!
Ski Mask Guy 1: And to show we mean business, we're going to torture your little reporter boy the rockin' tunes of Hanson until we hear of your surrender..
The classroom gasps in horror.
Flex: (trying to get free) MMFFF MFFFF!!!
Stereo: "MMMM BOP, DEEBE-DE-DA-DO MMM BOP, SHEEBE-DE-DA-DA, MMM BOP, DEEBE-DE-DA-DO DWEEEE, YE~AH YE~AAHH!!"
The video feed cuts off. Meanwhile, in Principal Sanders' office, we find the Dragon High student sitting down while Sanders, Sensei, and Crusher are standing up to question him. They have, however, just watched the video the whole school just saw.
Sensei Watts: WAR?! YOU DRAGONITES WANT WAR?!?!
He throws Sanders' entire desk out the window and folds up a steel chair. He charges towards the student but Sanders holds him back.
Principal Sanders: You're out of line, Watts! Put the chair down!
Sensei Watts: YOU'RE JUST GOING TO STAND HERE AND TAKE THIS?! HANSON?!?!?! HANSON??!?!
Principal Sanders: We're adults, remember? We handle things a little bit differently than wild animals. Now put the chair down before you get yourself fired.
Sensei Watts throws the chair back down.
Sensei Watts: Crusher! QUICK, TAG IN!
Principal Sanders: What the -- ?
A bell rings and a ref runs in the office as Crusher high fives his owner.
Crusher: (picks up steel chair) MACHAMP!
Dragon High student: What the fu--
Crusher totally creams the kid over the head with the steel chair. The four armed wrestling pokémon then dominantly stands over his victim and puts one foot on his chest as the ref slides into position for the three count. The bell rings again and Crusher's top right arm gets raised.
Principal Sanders is giving an evil look to Watts.
Sensei Watts: What? Crusher's a pokémon.. The adult rule doesn't apply to him.
To Be Continued In Episode 6