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  1. #16
    Not A Piece of Cake Bubble Frog's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

    Let me say, your description overall is pretty great. You really do a good job of painting a picture in the reader's mind of what's going on and overall that shows your ability and writing capabilities. Next, I'm gonna talk about the characters. Reika, Fritz, Thorton, and Cronus. Fritz doesn't seem to have anything that makes him stand-out by a high amount, but regardless that doesn't matter because I can sympathize with his personality and his meek Eevee. Him getting attacked by what seems to be a Gyarados out of the blue and his Nidorina somehow battling it on even ground seemed weird. Gyarados, from what I remember, can't even use Water Gun so I doubt it's a Gyarados. Reika seems like a snarky-acting type character, I actually like those characters often in many forms of writing so I'm sure I'll enjoy her.

    Cronus seems like the typical asshole villain/rival of the story. Thorton seems like a supporting character with nothing too special about him. I wonder if the teacher as well as the trio at the beginning will play a role later on in the story. You really hit the ground running and built up a cast of characters. We already have some potential mystery set-up with this creature and we already have Fritz with a new problem Pokemon with his not-so-confident Eevee. You seems like you have a grand scope set-up with this story and I like it. Fritz has a Nidorina and Eevee so far. Nice job setting the mood for the story, you really can get a sense of coming-of-age with the story. A excellent beginning.

    Wish I could have wrote more, but it's Chapter 1. :P

  2. #17

    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World


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    Chapter 1-8: Learning Process

    "There." I declared, walking up to the window and resting my arms on it. It'd been two and a half hours, and these guys still hadn't given me a break. They made me and my Pokémon run around the main building until we were exhausted. Nidorina got tired after two further laps, but that didn't deter them. They simply made me use Mareep (lasted half) and after that, Eevee (one). By that point, I was really starting to get worn down myself, in desperate need of hydration. So we went to the lake. Where they made me drink right from it...but at that point, I felt like I could drink the whole thing regardless of water quality. I questioned it anyway, and they again played the "you have to obey" card. After that, there was a bunch more stuff, cumulating with Edgar's Primeape "getting some effin' payback" on my exhausted Nidorina.

    Then we went to Lawrence's dorm room. Near the wooded area outside, the prep had his Poliwrath spray the dirt, and they had me sit down in it to mend her wounds. Without any Potions. It took a little over 45 minutes, but I managed to get the job done as best I could, using my very basic knowledge of first aid. Granted, I'm really only qualified for human treatment, but I tried anyway. Luckily, it was only some minor scrapes and bruises.

    "I sat in the mud for half an hour and fixed up Nidorina's injuries with my bare hands as best I could." I droned, partially repeating the wording they used. She wasn't her usual self, but could stand on her own power. It was just enough for her to be practically frothing at the mouth in rage, but not quite enough for her to actually take action.

    "What?" exclaimed a bewildered prep, marching over to the window. "Let me see." I was expecting him to check over Nidorina, but he instead grabbed my wrist. My palms were a little chaffed from working over her coarse skin, yet it was nothing serious. "That is impossible. I don't believe you did what you were told for a second."

    I knew exactly what he was attempting to have occur with asking this for me from the start, the keyword being attempting. "Excepting you're a retard and don't know that Nidorina can decide when it does and when it doesn't expel poison from its body." From his subsequent cursed reaction, I'd say I hit the nail on the head. I'm supposing that he didn't do too well in his Biology class the first year.

    Which reminds me. "Hey, why isn't this fag training?" I argued, pointing to the owner of this dorm. "He's second year! Shouldn't he be part of the tournament?"

    "Heh heh, I'm like you." Lawrence laughed. "I got into Tactics my first year."

    I grumbled at this. So much for that train of thought.

    Edgar, as if he were in complete control every step of the way, was leaning against a wall while sipping a fizzy drink. He belched, lips quivering as the gas rose out of his throat, and looked to the others. "What should we have the shithead do next?" he said, making sure not to skimp the venom on the derogatory term he had dubbed me.

    Aporon didn't hesitate a bit with his response. "I'm hungry, and it's around time for dinner. Go get us some food, Westmyn."

    "What kind of food?" I thought to be specific after Edgar made me go get him the drink he currently held, not specifying what he wanted and freaking out when I gave him a lemonade. Actually, I thought of something better. "Wait, hold on. Lemme see if I can do this." I cleared my throat before pulling off the best British accent I could muster. It was crap, but it got the point across. "May I take your order, gentlemen?"

    "Now that's more like it!" grinned Edgar, oblivious to sarcasm. "I'll have a platter of fries with extra gravy. Two sloppy joes, and one burger with the sloppy joe sauce. Nine or ten rice balls. Another Rootbrew. You know what? Make it two, shithead. And-"

    "Okay, okay." I interrupted hopping in the window and dropping the facade. I walked over to Lawrence's odd-looking roommate - who was only casually paying this incident heed as he was working at his desk, and ripped a scrap of paper from his notebook. Ignoring his protests, I also took a pen from the table and handed both to Edgar. "If you're going to put in a long-ass order, you'd better write it down."

    He stared at me for a bit, but eventually smiled and nodded. "Sure." The large individual turned and placed the scrap against the wall, writing with - I'll admit - an impressive level of penmanship given the circumstances. By contrast, when the scrap was passed to the dignified prep (who had changed into more fashionable clothing, on a random note), even though he was writing on a table, I could barely make sense of his printed words. The same could be said about Lawrence, although since he wrote with the paper on his knee, it's understandable. His roommate was also given the chance to put something in, with Aporon being the last to do so.

    When they handed the paper back to me, I looked it over briefly. Edgar and the prep were opposites in more ways than one: whereas the former had chosen a selection of fattening fast foods, the prep had opted for high-end stuff. Yet...well, I don't know much about roe, but I'm guessing it's about as healthy as the stuff the fratboy had asked for. Lawrence had decided to go more traditional, his roommate had something more balanced, Aporon slightly less balanced, and I...

    ... apparently going to be eating dehydrated Pokémon food. Yeah. No. That's it. Not going to even bother hearing their excuse this time.

    "Okay. I'll be right back." I grumbled. I left through the window and started out towards the cafeteria. But once I was out of sight, I turned and went into the school instead. I'd had enough of them. Going to a teacher wasn't enough at this point. I wanted to go the highest level of power that I could. I made a right after exiting the opposite door, and intently homed in on my destination.


    I stormed into the office building, yanking apart the double doors. With gusto I marched right up to the secretary, all-business, and demanded, "Is Finkerton in? I need to talk to him as soon as possible."

    "Mr. Finkerton is not in right now." she said matter-of-factly, not even gazing up from the documents she was scribing over. Taking the wind right out of my sails.

    I let out an exasperated sigh as I shook my head. I threw up my arms and opened my mouth, but couldn't think of words to say. I have this feeling that I'm one of the few students aware of Dean Howard's personality as a true businessman. I'm certain I could get him to do me a favor. But it would entail the man being present. There's not much I can do about that. Well, anything that's worth the trouble, anyway. I sighed again. The only option would be to wait for Mr. Finkerton to return. With a shrug and nod of acceptance, I moved towards the doors.

    No sooner had I stepped outside did a call rang out. "Westmyn!" I turned to see a young woman running up towards the office, her cheeks tinted rouge from exertion. "Hey, I'm Elyna. I'm a friend of Aporon, and he asked me to pass along a message to you. Do you have a minute?" She finished with a hard puff, still out of breath. I cringed involuntarily when she said the words 'friend of Aporon', but tried not to show it. "Sorry, I had to run from the opposite side of campus." I didn't doubt this, given her laborious breathing. Possible evidence against was how not a single bead of sweat lingered on her person - her white clothing was completely spotless. Her hair was in a single braid, which had been pulled over her shoulder to rest at the front.

    Her purple-tinted eyes twinkled. But again, this is a friend of Aporon we're talking about here. Given her exhaustion and posthaste response to the request, whatever she has to tell me has to be important. Well, that or it isn't important, and she's just compelled to pass the information along anyway. But hey, not that I have anything better to be doing. Right? May as well hear her out.

    "Sure, I'm in not in a hurry." I replied, adjusting my long, dark hair. "What is it?" I was friendly, but introvertingly cautious.

    "Mmm, Cronus dearest has asked me to tell you about this whole mentoring nonsense and your fellow mentee..." As she talked, she had taken a step back, as if she were appraising me. She slowly looked me up, all the way down, and back up again. When her eyes were level with mine once more, no longer were they twinkling. Instead, their violet depths held a frigid cruelty. My alertness was dead on, and I sighed over it. Two days ago, it was a hothead. And now, it's a cold bitch. Wonderful. "Anyway, your fellow mentee is..." and at this, she leaned in, as if to whisper.

    "Is it you?" I blurted out sharply. Loud enough to be startling, but almost mocking at the same time. I falsified a disinterested stare with my brown eyes. I was sure she wasn't the one, but I just wanted to see how she'd respond to that. Get a good gauge on her. But I'd been wondering who his second choice was going to be. I wasn't expecting to learn about it like this, though.

    She pulled back for a moment, shock written across her face. And then...she laughed long and hard? An odd laugh, like the sound of glass singing and breaking harmonizing together. I instinctively stood up a little straighter. People nearby were staring in surprise at the scene she was making, but I tried not to pay them too much heed. "No. I'm a third year, and one of the best battlers around here," she said haughtily.

    My initial response to her credentials was simply a blink of my eyes. There was another thing that was troubling me, though. "Third year?" I queried. So that would make her a second-year entrant into the Tactics class, assuming she took the class and wasn't promoted ahead like Lawrence or myself. Third-years entrants (fourth-year students) are the mentors, first-years (second-year students) are the mentored, "So what's your stake in this year's tournament, if you're not mentoring or being mentored?"

    She noticed my slight confusion and cracked a cross between a pseudo-grin and a smirk. "Yes, I'm a third year, but I competed in this tournament in my first year back when I was still at my old school. Technically, this is my third year in the tournament. Buuuuut for some reason, they're not allowing me to mentor anyone." At this she seemed to pout slightly. I'm guessing her old school had something like this, although it didn't count in regards to our own's tournament.

    "You're going to be partnered up with Phoebe Palmoni, our darling Muriel's sister," she smiled, and not without a bit of venom at mentioning this Muriel. It was the type of smile one gives when enjoying an inside joke. "You know Muriel, right?"

    "I've only been here four days, Elyna." I reminded her. "I have no idea who this 'Muriel Palmoni' is. You're gonna have to explain that one to me." I made reference to the disgusted tone she took on when she said her name. From that, I had a good idea of their relationship, but I just wanted to be sure.

    "Muriel...let me explain some things to you about this place. There are three battlers at this school you really have to watch out for. Myself, but I don't really battle anyone too much. Well, at least most of the time." She full-on smirked at me this time. "Then we have Muriel dearest, who is one of two people that I've never been able to beat. She is also the only person at this school that has ever come remotely close to beating our darling Cronus. I'd watch out for her, if I were you. Of course, personally I think she can't battle very good. She uses her Hariyama as a tank and mows everything down." At this, she seemed to genuinely smile to herself. "And finally, Cronus Aporon, the king of our school! But you seem to already know him, so I'll just say that he battles purely for the thrill and glory. Oh, and he's the other person I've never managed to beat, but...I actually like him. He knows what he's doing and doesn't rely solely on the power of his Pokémon, he uses his heart and mind."

    I nodded appreciatively at the information he was given. Cronus Aporon, Muriel Palmoni, and this girl, Elyna. The big three of the school. I'd seen Aporon in action before. I didn't get the impression that he battled purely for the thrill and glory, but maybe it's just my personal bias talking on that one. As for this girl, they say the most dangerous adversary is often one that you know little about. The good news was, at least I wouldn't have to worry about her in the tournament. And I held a similar X-factor...should it ever come to that.

    But this Muriel. I wonder...could that be the same person I saw when I first came to Tactics class? She had a Hariyama, and it basically threw its weight around until that guy gave up. If that's true, I should take her warning seriously. I disagree with Elyna's assessment of skill, though. If her battling style got her to that level, who am I to judge? And on another note, this was confirming my theory, too. Confidently, I asked, "And, I'm guessing as a way to slight Muriel, he used his pull as 'king of our school' to make sure she wouldn't get to mentor her sister?"

    She laughed again at this. Passerbys were now slackjawed. I couldn't help but stare back at them now. "Oh, I like you. If Cronus hadn't already used his status to chose you, I might have...perhaps I won't make you wish that you never came here after all!" I so wanted to go into counterattack mode over that last bit, mused like a thought spoken aloud. But I restrained myself. To be frank, I sort liked her a little as well. Well, I like her better than Aporon's goons, at least. They're just obnoxious. At least I can reason with her.

    "No, honey. He used his pull, as you say, to pick you." I'm guessing she hadn't heard about the specifics of the acquisition ceremony. It was only a few hours old, sure, but I'd imagine that sort of news would have spread quickly, especially given the witnesses. Or maybe they just mangled it. "As for Phoebe...Muriel can't pick her own family. So Cronus used his pull to pick her, and it has the added benefit of pissing off Muriel. Which both Cronus and I would have more than willingly traded every bit of our influence at this school to do." She laughed a bit more, and people were twitching a little. The twinkle from the start of our encounter returned to her eyes.

    I acknowledged the information. "I figured as much." My physical tension was easing, although I kept on my guard mentally by habit. After all, even if she's saying one thing today, she could very well say something else tomorrow. "So is there anything else?" I inquired, still not in any hurry.

    "Mmmm, I do believe that is everything Cronus asked me to pass along," she said. It looked like she was contemplating something. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was it. Anyway, it was nice to meet you," and with this she turned and walked off, meandering towards the other side of campus.

    As the girl took her leave, I failed to address some of the people's whisperings in favor of thinking of something that occurred to me. Why would Aporon send someone not in his core group? Why wouldn't he have sent Lawrence or something? No, wait...let's actually think about this. Aporon must have somehow known I'd go off here if she knew where to find me. Yet since he wasn't calling me out, he probably doesn't care too much.

    Muriel Palmoni and Phoebe Palmoni. If they really are enemies of Cronus Aporon, then maybe they could be friends of mine?

    But anyway. Just because Aporon doesn't care doesn't mean his cohorts won't. The hell if I'm going back to those jackasses today. I don't want to go back to my dorm though, as that's where they'll more than likely check first. And while taking advantage of being on an open campus is tempting, I really don't feel like doing so at the moment. So let's look at my situation. I'm dealing with a jock and popular student who likes battling. A self-superior prep who likes battling. An angry fratboy...who likes battling. And a lecherous technogeek. Who likes battling. Where would they be least likely to set foot into? Where would they be least likely to look for me...?


    The patchwork green and red carpeting of the room I stepped into brought an air of peace to a place plundered of natural light. Students sat about the various large tables, all silently engrossed, oblivious to the outside world. Multi-tiered brackets orderly lined the room. And absurdly obsolete as they might be, the computers on the sides of the room were the first such pieces of equipment I'd seen officially implemented into the school.

    I couldn't check the place over for long, because a tall woman with a red hair-bun marched up to me. The Dean's warnings echoed in my ears at that moment. That how much of the staff at the school would rather I not be here. Maybe this wasn't a smart idea after all.

    "Stop." the woman sternly ordered. She was wearing a simple blue frock and was in heels that were more than low enough to classify as business-friendly. Her posture, on the other hand was simply all-business. Not at all friendly. "Do you have a library card? Yes or no?"

    I did not. But I really wanted to stay here. So I unnervingly replied, "No, that's what I came here for." All things considered, this place may be my best bet at escaping those four. Particularly factoring in rules against noise.

    The reply came without missing a beat. It was short and to the point. "Name."

    The question I really didn't want to be asked. "Fritz Westmyn." I could only say that, shut my eyes, and cross my fingers.

    "This way."

    Not waiting, she moved over to her personal workstation at the far side of the room. In my stupor, it took me nearly three times as long to get there. The nameplate on this sizable desk - behind which was a room full of old books and file cabinets - gave me the identity of the librarian. With a speedy grace, Mrs. Shugiri was scribbling on a slab of plastic roughly the size of a business card. The final touch made before handing it to me was puncturing a hole into the card. "The limit is two books borrowed at a time. Return them within two weeks."

    My sigh melded into my reply of, "Thank you." I was silent after this. The librarian was oblivious to the fact that I was still standing there, typing away at something. I wasn't sure of her, and again decided to take a chance on an explanation. "So just to be clear, you don't care about...well, me?"

    "Any violations of school code?"


    "Then there's nothing to talk about. I've worked here since day one. Vice Principal Kripps disagrees, but there's been far worse than you." Kripps? Where have I heard that name before? Mrs. Shugiri had been keeping the same stern tone since the start of our conversation, so it did little to hint her opinion on him. Though she affirmed her assessment on me, "I do my homework, Fritz Westmyn. And I hope you do yours."

    Oh, right. I'd almost forgotten. "That's...also what I came here for." Upon these unconfident words, I gazed out the only window that hadn't been shielded by light-consuming drapes and/or shutters. Maybe it was my imagination, but I swear I saw one of those jackasses scouring the battlegrounds. Work's gotta be done anyway, and it'd give me something to do while I wait them out.

    Mrs. Shugiri's response was as plain as usual, "Students may use the library - subject to its rules - as a reading and writing area after school or during any free block."

    "Okay. Thank you." I nodded, before taking up a seat at an empty desk. I placed my bag at my side and pulled my binders from it. I had a couple of basic pieces of work from Sciences and Socials. They were nothing major, and simple to the point of where I could do them without any thought given. Allowing me to place my mind elsewhere.

    This librarian seems to come from the opposite end of the moral spectrum as the principal, yet they're similar in how neither judges me. Strange how that works.


    I was able to finish up my assignments fairly quickly. The boredom that followed was brutal. I didn't want to go out for not wanting to risk dealing with those jackasses. I passed the time by looking at a few books, including the yearbook from the year before. I was able to learn a couple things.

    First and most important, Aiden Kripps is the vice principal of the school, and he was one of the two men who escorted me to Tactics class the other day. I couldn't find the other one. Second and less important, although I found Mr. Wu, Mr. Baiaz, Mr. Yamaguchi, and the good doctor, Ms. Odell was not in that yearbook. Meaning she was as new to the school as we were. I briefly thought to look up Cronus and Muriel there as well, possibly go back further, but failed to find justification for either action. And after that, nothing else came to mind. I was doing nothing.

    Still, I remained in the library until around 9:00PM.

    That was as long as I could stay there. That's when the main building closed up for the night. I stepped outside into the cool, fresh night air and sighed. This had been a long day. After all the exercise and being cooped up in that stuffy library, I was dead tired. I sulked the perimeter of the school in my exhausted state.

    And as I passed the corner, I ran smack into someone. The person stumbled awkwardly and crashed to the hard pavement right upon impact with a yelp. Ordinarily, I might've been able to keep my balance, but I was just too fatigued to do anything except fall backward.

    "Watch where you're going, you retard!" a feminine voice grieved as the speaker struggled to get up. Really struggled, given the person's form.

    "You watch where you're..." I fired back on impulse as I sat up, before I recognized who it was. "Reika! You're okay!"

    Her expression was one of sheer frustration. "What the fu-no, I'm not okay!" she snapped. "My leg is broken!" Sure enough, her leg had been wrapped in a beige cast - a makeshift one from the looks of it. And a wooden crutch had clattered at my feet when we fell.

    "Harsh, Reika." I said as she fruitlessly reached for it, half-teasing and half-hurt. "Not even a hello?" I passed her the crutch, and with great difficulty, she managed to get back to her feet.

    "So what happened to you guys? Is Thatcher all right?" My inquiry held unveiled concern. I forgot how far that drop would've been in my case...and didn't want to try and remember. It was nothing short of a miracle that she'd survived, but as to whether both did was another question...

    "He's fine, just freaked out." Reika agitatedly stated. Seeing the relief that washed over me, she gazed away as she said her next words, which were more calmed. "I don't remember anything after we fell. A teacher must have found us, because when I woke up, we were in the hospital here." I'm not sure if this place has an actual hospital. It does have a Medical class though, so I can theorize that its classroom doubles as the school infirmary. Reika sighed. "Thatcher's still there. I didn't want to spend a night in that place, though."

    Understandable. I was never a fan of those places myself, because they smell funny. We shared an awkward silence, neither of us sure of what to say to the other. I really can't express the ease that sight of her being alive gave to me. I'm sure she and Thatcher underwent a similar distress, with them having no idea what became of me after our encounter.

    Reika was the first to find words, giving me a bitter accusation. "Why didn't you do anything to help us?"

    "I tried!" I hecticly explained. After all I'd been through today, my fuse was critically short. It was my way of trying to control myself - I didn't want to blow up on a friend. "I tried, but the Beast attacked me!"

    That gave her pause. It visibly hit her by surprise. She nearly fell over through my efforts again, this time by my words, but managed to catch herself. "What?"

    "I was going to get Tangela to try to grab you guys, but it jumped out at me and attacked." I explained in a frantic haste. "I battled it with Nidorina and Tangela, but it was too strong. So I just ran for it. Sorry I couldn't do more for you."

    Reika didn't say anything for a few seconds. In that duration, her face contorted from ponderous to doubtful to furious. She shook her head belligerently, and gave me similar words. "I don't believe that for a minute. If the Beast was there, why didn't I see it?!" She unexpectedly lost her balance once more after saying that, crutch falling against the wall.

    I might've caught her. But I couldn't believe what she just said. Was she actually serious? There's many things wrong with that...and even though she just fell...she's glaring up at me as if I was somehow responsible. Even goddamn Aporon and his friends believed I saw that monster. They hate me, and they believed that I had a run-in with it and lived to tell the tale. And here's someone who's supposed to be my friend saying I didn't because she didn't?

    I just wanted to leave her sitting there in response.

    Ultimately, my conscious got the better of me. Maybe not because I wanted to; I was still pretty steamed. A sigh the only thing to escape my lips, I simultaneously pulled Reika to her feet and retrieved her crutch. Ignoring her startled gasp, I wedged the latter into my bag, while draping my friend's arm over my shoulder.

    In silence, I helped her across the schoolgrounds and back to the dorms. It was a gradual process, but a quicker alternative for her. With my free arm, I took out my still-present frustrations by whipping the door open. It slammed against the wall with such force, it wouldn't surprise me if I dented it. I held it with my foot until we could get inside. I guided her all the way back to her room on the ground floor.

    Reika nearly fell again as I returned her crutch and released her, but this time, I made sure to halt her tumble. She remained in place for three seconds. Hanging her head low, she opened the door and limped inside at half-speed. Her roommate was sound asleep. Just when I thought she was going to close it without a further word, she paused and lowered her head further. She turned and looked at me sorrowfully before making a sincere - if cryptic - statement.

    "Thanks for putting up with me..."

    With those words, the door closed. The lock clicked shut a moment later. I continued to stare at it as a thought swirled in my mind.

    What was that supposed to mean?
    Don't know what to put here.

  3. #18

    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

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    Chapter 1-9: Respite and Spite

    The first night I came to the school, I had trouble getting to sleep. I was lost in thought. On the second night, there was the stress of being transferred to another class and receiving a less than friendly welcome. Same predicament, different cause. While slumber wasn't difficult on the third, I'd thought my friends had died. To discover the latter was not the case yesterday was such a relief, I was FINALLY able to get a good night's sleep.

    I could feel the effects directly after awakening: I was fully refreshed. The skies were overcast, the atmosphere on the grounds was just as dreary, there was little to do, and I was in a place where the most popular students and at least half the staff hated me. And yet, I still couldn't help my chipper attitude. I received a few strange looks from students as I trotted down to the base floor, but I didn't let it bother me.

    My plan was to go visit Thatcher in the ward. As I left the dorm, I discovered that to be impossible. Why? Because he was talking with Reika in the place in front of them! The partition between the first-year, second-year - and if I've read the Dean well, eventually to be third-year dorms - that is. It was no Student Square, but it was the next best thing! Thatcher was clothed modestly, for once. Aside from his jacket, he had on a plain blue ringer (with white lining) and jeans. Reika was dressed warmer. She wore fern green zip-offs that were noticeably twisted, and a grayish-brown shirt with sleeves reaching just past her elbows. Her hair wasn't up in her ponytail.

    "I want to go see a Pokémon Contest!" Thatcher was energized. Reika mentioned how that the incident in the mountain cavern scarred him mentally. If she hadn't told me last night or delayed delivering that information, I wouldn't think it true. His current state of mind exhibited not the faintest hint of it. "They're having a bunch of them in town over the next two weeks!" He twisted towards the surrounding barriers and gestured with his hand, probably in the direction of wherever they're holding the contests. Dramatically he wound back, clenched his hand into a fist, and crossed the arm over his chest. "We HAVE to go to one!"

    Reika shook her head sorrowfully. Her habitually taut spirit was gloomy at present. "No. I think we should just relax today. After what happened." Only one of her legs was broken, but judging by her leaning on her crutch, I'm guessing her good one felt just as weak.

    My friends were in a stalemate. I was hoping I'd get to see them interact together a little longer, but Reika gazed up and caught sight of me. She closed her eyes and frowned a little. On seeing this, my bespectacled friend span about. He grinned and turned back.

    "Hey, let's ask Fritz." he proposed. Great.

    Reika simply sighed. "Fine."

    On those words, we approached one another. Thatcher could barely contain his excitement. He started to talk before Reika could hobble up. Or for that matter, before he had finished jogging up. "Fritz, what do you want to do today?" he quickly said. "Sit around doing nothing? Or go see an awesome Pokémon Contest?!"

    "Don't mislead him!" Reika cried.

    He simply tilted his head back at her. "It's true, you know."

    Reika's expression was one of disappointment, but she appealed to me in a similar manner. "Hey. Should we just relax today?" She was suppressing her attitude towards her friend's idea. She was doing a good job, until her next sentence. "Or watch loud, obnoxious Coordinators be loud and obnoxious?"

    I let out a "hmm" and loosely placed my right hand near my mouth (just on my lower lip). So Reika wants to unwind from the incident two nights ago by calmly relaxing. Thatcher wants to forget about it by invigorating his brain and seeing something he likes. What would be a compromise that lets us do both?

    Something came to me, and I put forth my suggestion in a halcyonic tone. "Why don't we just go for a walk? You know, in the city."

    "That...sounds okay, I guess." Thatcher was a little bummed, but nevertheless showed he was open to the idea. Reika just groaned.

    "What's wrong?" I inquired. Before she could reply to my concern, we were accosted by an all-too-familiar by this point insult.


    It was Edgar. Still in his usual clothes. And by the repulsing scent of sweat that summarily invaded our nostrils, a washing machine is a foreign concept to him.

    "Oh, it's you. What the hell do you want?" I flippantly said, not even pretending to care.

    "It's time for training." he growled. "Cronus told me to come get you."

    I crossed my arms and glared at him. "Did he really?" I doubtfully pressed. Aporon may have been the kind of guy to allow his goons to run roughshod, and he may have been a self-superior jackass. But for the latter reason, I can't see him not saying that to me directly. Least of all sending this guy to do it.

    My instinct was dead-on. Edgar hesitated, then angrily snapped, "...well, he's going to! Now get your ass over to the ginmasium."

    "Gin?" I was ruthless in mocking his dyslexia. "Are you drunk, Edgar? At ten in the morning?" He took a preliminary step forward, as if he wanted to strangle me for my snark, but seemed to think better of it. I shook my head. "Anyway, go to hell. It's the weekend. Free time. And you have no power over me."

    He was this close to exploding. He screamed, "This isn't over, shithead!" and stormed off.

    My friends' eyes were wide at what just happened. I just modestly smiled, turning back to them as if nothing had happened. "Screwing with that guy almost makes it worth it." Almost.

    Thatcher let go of his jacket. I hadn't been paying attention to them, and he appeared that he was going to have a panic attack. He nervously asked, "What was...that...about?"

    "I'll explain later." I said, not really wanting to bother going into that at the moment. I walked in the direction of the gates to the outside. "Come on, let's go."

    "Fritz, hold it. You're forgetting something." Reika's words and tone of a harsh realist gave me pause. I went back before her to see what was on her mind. "I have a broken leg!" she yelled, nearly flinging the hairtie she was holding away. "Why the hell can't we just sit back and relax today!?"

    I serenely closed my eyes and weighed in on this. This injury was not only crippling to her physically, but socially as well. With hopes that I could possibly stave off the latter for her, I provided encouraging advice, "Reika, your broken leg's not going to go away overnight. It's going to be like that for a few weeks, maybe a month." She frowned at my words, as if to recognize it as a truth, albeit one that she didn't want to think about. "You have to get used to it. Besides, it'll be good practice." I flashed a thumbs up and a smile. "Trust me."

    She protested as she fumbled with her hair, "But what if-"

    "Thatcher and I will help you if you get tired." I looked to him. "Right?"


    She was still trying to get her ponytail up with her one free hand. Noticing this, I approached and took the band from her. "And we can still take a break if we need to, maybe in a park or something." I talked and tied her hair at the same time, ignoring the raised eyebrow Thatcher gave me. "I just don't want to be here right now."

    She expressed silent understanding. It made sense, didn't it? Thatcher gets to be out and about, she gets to unwind after the last two days, and I get away from Aporon and those jackasses. She essentially sighed, "Ugh, okay."

    With us all in agreement over the plan for the day, we made our way to the imposing gate. Despite being wide open, it still really didn't help avert the impression I got from the walls on day one. Keeping that little quip to myself, my friends and I stepped off the grounds of Rukh's University.


    "So this is the city the school's in." I commented as I scoured over the street we were on. I pretty much was dropped off right at the gates of the school, so I hadn't gotten a chance to really take the place in. Hard to believe it isn't too large a community, considering the presence of the University. It's different from what I'm used to, but I'm liking it so far. None of the bustling rush of the big city, yet none of the deficient provisions of a smaller town.

    "Well," I asked my friends, "Which way?"

    "Left. Left and around." Reika said without any hesitation, before setting off in that direction. She probably doesn't want to deal too much with traffic, and I don't blame her for that. I'm assuming she wants to just keep on going along without having to cross the road until we find something. Thatcher and I moved to follow.

    We didn't talk much as we walked. Reika kept her eyes to the road ahead, while Thatcher kept his lowered in thought or disappointment. I took note of a few of the places we passed by, but most of it was on the other side of the road, and none of it caught my immediate interest. It was only about three blocks in one direction and three in another that we thought to do something. We had we reached a small park - to be more verbose, an open field with trees dotting in with a path around and benches for relaxation.

    "God damn it," cursed Reika, "My arm is tired." True to her complaint, she was having difficulty manipulating her crutch. I noticed she was using it awkwardly even before, but it was far more apparent now. Her tiring probably happened over time. I was keeping an eye on her, and thus may not have noticed her gradual exhaustion. She was leaning on the crutch for support, massaging her joints with her left hand, when the park caught her eye. She looked back at us and said, "Let's take a break."

    "Yeah," agreed Thatcher, whose fatigue came off more in his voice than his movements. "I'm...a little...tired too."

    Still in a good mood, I ran a circle around them, jumped and span, and grinned. I tried to be understanding in my tone, however. "If you guys want to, we will."

    Reika plopped herself down on the right side of the nearest bench as so to give her aching arm some support. Thatcher elected to sit down on the grass in front, arms and legs outstretched. I wanted to lean against a tree, just because, but as the nearest one was too far away, I stood restlessly instead.

    "Hard to believe this place is only a few years older than us." Thatcher noted.

    Reika went on to ponder, "How the hell did they even build all this? This, Moldeau Town?" I have no idea as to its history, but I didn't think the feat was too improbable. Again, it isn't that big a municipality.

    "Here's...what I heard." Thatcher started. "There was a rich young man who inherited his family's old mansion. He fixed up the place and began living in it, but he got tired of going half an hour to the next town every time he wanted to buy something. So he had a town built around it, and it became pretty big before long."

    That would explain a lot of things, particularly the town's intricate planning, high-class image, and how, despite being comparatively small, it still has a lot going for it. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't be surprised if Howard Finkerton is working with that guy to help stimulate the town's economy. I mean, this is where the third and fourth years live while they're not at Rukh's. And though it came way before the Dean's tenure, a school like this in a town makes sense to help with said image.

    Reika sighed without elaboration. Thatcher ruffled his hair awkwardly.

    "It's still a nice place, no matter who built it or why." I said, to which both agreed with me.

    We hung out in the park for about a hour, give or take ten minutes. Since our friend was just resting/relaxing on the bench peacefully, Thatcher and I were able to do a few things. He actually brought up the subject of The Beast to me. I was a little surprised that he wanted to talk about it, but explained precisely what had happened to me in great detail.

    He was very surprised when, in response to saying my Pokémon were incredible, I told him his Sandshrew's not too bad itself - give its performance despite that it had little experience beforehand. At his request, I helped him train a little. I had Mareep train at the same time. The two Pokémon got along and made some decent progress together - particularly as it allowed Mareep to practice aim on a moving target, with very little threat to Sandshrew. But before long, we decided to head back.


    The atmosphere at the school when we arrived back was the same as it was when we had left it. From the looks of things, we weren't the only ones uncertain of what to do. Our peers and their Pokémon were scattered erratically about, although few were doing anything in particular.

    "Well, what now?" I asked.

    Reika sighed and seemed to want to fuse into her crutch, to avoid having to hold on. After about ten seconds, she said, "I don't know." Despite exhaustion, it was clear she was more than restless.

    Thatcher seemed to be carefully thinking of something as we walked a seemingly aimless course around the grounds. He nervously began to put something forth as we started to approach the dorms, "Well, if you two want, we could-"

    "There she is." His thought was interrupted by a girl's voice. The speaker, who was standing near them, marched up with more gusto than those who followed.

    It was Reika's roommate Liane, accompanied by Irene, three others around their age, and a teacher. By the latter's receding hairline wrapped into a ponytail and round-framed glasses, I was able to recognize him as the first of the two people who had transfered me to Tactics class. He wore a simple white shirt and black jeans.

    I blinked at the sight of the only male of the students. With scarlet hair and azure eyes, his white shirt had slightly more style to it than the teacher's, and his white sweatpants were dotted with a black design. All-white, hm. He was holding hands with the boyish girl beside him. Both were around 5'2'', and both had pale skin, yet their complexions differed. The male had a complexion not nearly at the level of that fag Lawrence, but still had more than enough room for improvement. I'm not sure how to judge the female's, who lacked blackheads. Maybe she just doesn't get out in the sun enough? I'm guessing these two are Carlie and Andrew.

    Then there was the fifth of the group, by far tallest of the lot. If Liane was trendy and knew what went with what, this girl was the opposite, with very little fashion sense. Aside from her long lightish-brown hair, nothing seemed to be in order on her person. Even her eyes followed that trend. It was hard to decide whether they were more blue or more green.

    "Oh, hey Liane." I casually greeted. "What's up? Glad to see Reika's back?"

    As with yesterday, my remark caused her to hesitate slightly. She shook it off and told me, "Save it. As they say, I have a bone to pick with her."

    Thatcher was looking over the six people in complete confusion. "What are you-"

    "Hush it." interrupted the tall girl.

    "What's your deal?" Reika defended. She furiously pivoted to Irene, Carlie, and Andrew and took up a fighting stance. "And what the HELL are you three doing here?!"

    "Well, we are friends with Liane." explained Andrew matter-of-factly.

    Irene flung her head arrogantly. She added, "That's right, you fat broad."

    Reika growled at the insult, delivering a glare the likes of which I've never seen out of her before. It was fortunate for Irene that she wasn't in arm's reach, because Reika appeared ready to knock her on her ass. Before she could take action, Liane turned to the teacher.

    "This is her. My roommate, Reika Easton." she said, almost without a care in the world. Liane turned to my friend and addressed her directly. "Thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Least of all with such an obvious a trail? She is the one responsible for the heinous-"

    "Get to the point!" Reika snapped as she took a step forward. "Why are you here?"

    "If you say so." nodded a solemn Liane. She walked a little off to the side, so that she could address everyone, including a few of the onlookers. Quite a crowd had gathered, watching from a few feet away to the woods beyond the dorms. "I had a collector's bust on the shelf in our dorm. It was there this morning, and now it's gone!"

    To my complete surprise, it was Thatcher who spoke first, and spoke immediately after. He asked, "Did you lose it?"

    "She didn't." replied Andrew, clasping his presumed girlfriend's hand a little tighter.

    "We helped Liane look. But we couldn't find the thing nowhere!" The tall girl was opposite to Liane in not only trends, but also tone. Her rural accent was grating, so much so that by contrast, Irene's words were melodious and refined.

    "She tore apart the whole room and everything!"

    Liane nodded to confirm her friends' statements. She went on, "Given that the bust was not in my room, that leaves but one place it could've gone."

    "What the HELL are you saying?"

    "I'm saying the logical conclusion." Irene shook her head and turned away, only to dramatically turn and point at Reika accusingly. "That you stole it from me!"


    "Wait." I quickly said. "How are you sure it was her?"

    Liane's response came instantly, as if she was expecting this to be brought up. "We both make sure to lock the door whenever we leave the room. Neither of us forgets. Isn't that right, Reika?" When she only grumbled in reply, the trendy girl said, "That can be taken as confirmation."

    She returned to her initial position as she summarized the incident. "So there you have it. The statuette is there when I leave Reika alone in the dorm. Reika later leaves our dorm and locks the door. I return to the dorm, and the statuette is gone. There's only one suspect." She again turned to the teacher, this time with expectancy. "So what's the school going to do about this, Mr. Squibb?"

    A silence drew over all as they awaited the response of the faculty member. It came with a sigh after five seconds, "Liane, I'm in charge of Course Management." This would explain why he was present to transfer me to Tactics, but not why Liane thought he would be able to assist her. Maybe he was the only one available. "But I'll see what I can do."

    Reika had been keeping herself under control for far longer than I figured she would. She finally exploded in rage. "I didn't take your stupid statue, Liane!"

    Her roommate wasn't moved even an inch. Her reply was mild, "Denying it isn't going to help your case."

    "Yeah! Think of something better, you fat broad!" Irene added.

    "I was out all day!" Reika fired back. That makes sense. Thatcher and I could attest to that. Since Reika wasn't at the school for a few hours, how could she take something that was there?

    The tall, country girl disagreed. "You coulda taken it earlier, ya know."

    "That's right!" Irene agreed.

    "And why would I take it?" Reika demanded. "What would I do with the thing?!"

    "You could-" started Andrew, only to lock eyes with me and stop. I must have been glaring unwittingly. Irene too, was at a loss of words, only able to murmur her confoundedness. In fact, neither could Liane or the hick think of anything. All at once, they turned to the one in their group who had been curiously silent throughout all this.

    There was a brief moment of silence as the tomboyish female had a terrified expression on her face. "Well," she began, focused and polite but unsure of herself, "From what I've been told, you don't exactly like Liane, don't you? So you can understand why you would be the first person she would accuse of this." None of the five lit up brighter than she did at this. She was smiling brightly to herself about something.

    There was another silence, this one broken by a gratified Liane. "That's right." Everyone else seemed to show agreement in various emotions.

    "I did NOT! It wasn't me!" Reika was still incensed, but there was a faint undertone present now. She was almost pleading with them. ""

    Mr. Squibb shook his head. "I'm sorry Reika. But if you can't come up with something better in your defense, we'll be forced to hold you accountable for this theft."

    What the hell is this garbage? Guilty until proven innocent? There's something wrong here. I don't know what it is, but I know there's something wrong here. I know it, Reika certainly knows it, and I'm sure Thatcher knows it as well. It was he that Reika turned to.

    "Thatcher, help." she appealed. The timid boy's only acknowledgement of this request was to glance at her briefly, then to the crowd. The only sound he made in his terror was that of his vibrating muscles.

    "Liane," I jumped in. I wasn't about to let my friend be hung out to dry here. She peered at me curiously, unsure of what I could be up to. "Could you tell me a little more about that statuette?"

    "Well, it's made of solid titanium. It's a bust of the famous Coordinator, Wallace. From his younger years, of course. It's around a foot tall. And it's really invaluable." She was actually polite with me. Her voice had a certain marvel to it as she described her stolen possession to me. Of course, it dissipated in her next two statements. "Reika stole it. And if doesn't pay me back, I'm getting her kicked out of the school!"

    The last part got the attention of Mr. Squibb. "Her punishment will be for Mrs. Shugiri to decide." What, so she's the librarian and the disciplinarian?

    "But. But no!" Reika desperately maintained. Her forearms were glued to her side. Every muscle in her arm and hand was clenched so tight, she was shaking. "I didn't take it!"

    "Yeah." I nodded in sly agreement. "I really find that hard to believe."

    Liane was confused. She rubbed her forehead unsuspectingly. "What do you mean?"

    "Hey now, what are ya talking about now?" I couldn't tell if her tall friend was naive or ignorant.

    I simply closed my eyes and smiled. "Reika has a broken leg. She has to use a crutch to get around." As I opened my eyes, I crossed my arms and went into a full-on grin. "How do you expect her to carry a heavy statue with just one free hand?"

    Liane most of all was awestruck by this revelation. At the same time, she was the first to regain her composure, accompanied by insistence. "Give me a break! Reika's the only one who could've done it! I just told you why!"

    "It was impossible for her do it!"

    "Oh yeah?" she belligerently taunted. "Prove it!"

    I thought about this. I know she couldn't have done it. How can I prove that Reika would be unable to hold onto the statue? "Hang on."

    Reika turned to me. She asked in hushed chagrin, "Fritz, what the hell are you-"

    "I said, hang on." I whispered back.

    Titanium is a light metal, but that's not saying much. Particularly if it's solid as she described. Upon harkening over a few things, I retrieved a Poké Ball from my pocket and tossed it on the ground. I picked up my Pokémon after it materialized. Guessing it's about the right mass. "Reika, could you try holding onto Tangela?" I requested.

    "What? Why?" I had completely lost her.

    "Just do it, okay?" I insisted, forcing Tangela into her arms.

    As soon as Reika was holding the mass of blue vines on her own power, she started to wobble. Her crutch pivoted erratically as she tried to find a way to hold onto it and Tangela at the same time. When she could barely hold her balance, she tried to pin Tangela against her body with one arm, leaving the other one free. All of it was no use, and she knew it. Reika flailed to try and avoid falling onto her face, and ended up falling onto her back instead.

    "Fritz, what the FUCK did you do that for?" she screamed through her pain, agitatedly placing a very rattled Tangela off to her left.

    I'll admit it was unorthodox. But it perfectly proved my point. I elaborated much like Liane had done, standing before everyone present. "Tangela's around 9kg, which I'm guessing is about how much that statue weighs." A really rough estimate that might not even be close, but one that no one contested. "If she can't hold onto my Tangela, how do you expect her to hold onto that thing? Let alone haul it off without anyone noticing!"

    You may not think words alone capable of suffocating a person. But Liane's precise response was a chortling, choking-like sound. Irene and the hick were just stunned. Carlie...I think rolled her eyes? She whispered something to Andrew, who expressed agreement. The rest of the crowd, including the staff member, were on our side now.

    "I suppose you have a point. Sorry for the intrusion, Reika." Mr. Squibb apologized. He walked over to Reika's stunned roommate and leveled with her. "Don't worry Liane. If the statue was stolen by somebody on this campus, we'll find it."

    "It's fine." Liane's demeanor had done a 180. Her bitter rage had given way to soured depression. She let out a quiet sigh. I suddenly felt a little sorry for her, even after the accusation she made. She peered up at the tall girl and lamented, "Come on, Cinque. Let's go."

    Irene, Carlie, and Andrew had already slinked away, leaving the duo to head off towards the dorms. Mr. Squibb went off in the direction of the main building. As the crowd broke apart, I recalled Tangela and offered to help Reika up.

    She swatted my hand away again, though with less vigor than two days ago. So I suppose it was less a swat and more a shove. As Reika picked herself up, she mumbled, "Ugh. Thanks. Thanks a lot, Fritz." It was irritated yet sincere, said in a way like she didn't enjoy showing this appreciation.

    "I...I thought something wasn't right." Thatcher breathed, still a little strung-out from what just happened. His voice trailed off, unsure of what to make of this.

    Reika sadly sighed. "It's just part of the garbage I put up with every day."

    This was news to me. I had no idea she had it this rough. "What do they have against you, anyway? What do you have to do to make so many people so mad?"

    "I don't know!" she unexpectedly snapped, startling me a little. "They just do, okay?!"

    "Okay," I said, "So next question. If you don't mind, that is." She glared at me impatiently, but didn't speak out against the idea. "If she hates you, then why did you become roommates?"

    "I was there first!" Reika yelled. "I set everything up before the assembly, and I come back. Next thing I know, she walks in and tells me she wants the dorm! I told her I was there first, but she says," and taking on Liane's tone as best she could, "168 is my lucky number." She sighed and regained her composure before continuing on. "But I pointed out to her the room was a double, so we were able to come to an agreement there. Still, she quickly grew on my nerves. She asked to help me with fashion, and was always in the bathroom."

    Reika groaned before she continued, "We're in different class blocks, and that may be where she met those three. So we really only see each other in the morning and at night. But every waking second of those mornings and nights is absolute hell. She even-"


    Her thought was interrupted by a frustrated wail from a re-emerging Liane. She was in a state of hysteria, eyes nearly bulging from their sockets and hands crookedly gripping her hair. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, taking mascara with them.

    "What now?!" demanded Reika, with her hands on her hips. Her roommate was not moved, and proceeded to fly into the most refined rant I have ever heard. As in, a blind person might be shocked to believe she looked rabid.

    "You!" she snorted while pointing at Reika. "I feel only repugnance towards you. You grody, churlish, slovenly-"

    "What the HELL is your GOD DAMN problem?" Reika was not in the mood.

    "Its gone! My prized possession is gone, and it is upon you!"

    Reika was equally as confused as I was, but far more angered. "Fritz just showed you why I didn't!" After thinking for a second, she turned and quietly addressed me about that, "Warn me next time, okay?"

    It was a point Liane was not willing, or not able to hear. "It is gone" she maintained, "It is not where I left it! It is upon you that this happened! You languid, lethargic, vitiated, indignant, amastiac-AUGGGHHHH!" And with that, she ran off screaming back towards the dorms.

    The three of us were silent. That was so out-of-nowhere, that none of us even bothered to rhetorically ask what in the hell just happened.

    "So wait." Reika said, the first to break the silence with realization. "Liane hid that stupid thing, pretended that she lost it, but someone found it really did take it?" She was grinning from ear to ear with glee. I still felt sorry for Liane, but I couldn't help but smile myself. Even laugh.

    "I guess 168 wasn't her lucky number after all!" I joked.

    "Guess not!" It's strange seeing Reika happy like this, but I mean that in a good way.

    Thatcher ponderously stammered, "I wonder where it went, then. Th-the statue, I mean."

    "Who cares?" Reika laughed, "I think losing it serves her right!"

    "Well, you should still try to be careful," I thought to remind her, not as caught up in the moment, "Just because this didn't end well for them doesn't mean they may try and pull it again."

    "Look who's talking," was her response, no doubt in reference to Aporon. "I'll be careful if you be more careful."

    I nodded. "It's a deal."
    Don't know what to put here.

  4. #19

    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

    Tag list:


    Chapter 1-10: Burning Ambitions

    That night, I found myself sitting on the mattress in my dorm, unable to even lie down. It wasn't just my hunched posture that was paining me at the moment. The cool night air blowing a breeze through the open window did little to ease my tension. I had made the attempt numerous times, but on each try, it felt as a bed of spikes. Something had been bothering me for a short while...and already eating away at me.

    Today, I caught sight of a man in white clothing snooping around the grounds, watching from the forest. No one else seemed to notice him, or if they did, they didn't pay him much heed. I hardly paid him much heed, as it was during that confrontation. The day before, I saw a man in white clothing hiding amongst the trees. And two nights ago on the ill-fated expedition, I saw a man in white clothing, looking around the woods for something. Who is he? Or they? Is he or they still around? Could it just be some weirdo? Or could it be something more?

    It might be risky to try and figure this out. There's a lot of risks. But I can't sleep. It's not going to be easy to find this guy. Let alone at night. But it's bothering me too much. I really don't want to do this. But I do want to do this. I should do this. Shouldn't I?

    With a defeated sigh, I got up and changed back into the clothes I wore earlier in the day. After obtaining what I needed, I left the room, locked the door behind me, and made my way down the stairs. As I came down to the base floor, light noises reverberated through the walls. I don't know if there's an outdoor curfew on the grounds or not. Reika and Thatcher didn't want to be spotted a couple days ago, but could that have been for where we were headed. There's numerous questions involved with this, with answers that threaten to raise even further questions. There's one thing of which I can be certain of. It would pay to have help here.

    I raised my hand and knocked softly on the door before me. What was I doing's the middle of the night. I'd have to knock louder, wouldn't I?

    This was an unfounded concern, as the lock clicked and the frame opened. An equally sleepless Reika was standing there, leaning heavily on her crutch. Her expression was initially angered, but it faded to weary calm when she saw who it was.

    "Hey." I said to her. "Can we talk?"

    She heavily blinked her eyes to provide acknowledgement. "Fine. Come in."

    Liane wasn't in the room. Which was a mess, owing to her tear apart the room act. The walling and carpet was a little torn apart as well, but that one can't be credited to her. Hopefully. Despite the presence of two contrasting beds - one lumpily folded and one haphazardly strewn, maybe a meter and a half apart - this was closer to my room than those of the second-years. Here, there's only a single desk, a set of dressers, and the closet slides open. In the other dorms, there's one apiece, two barely-passable storage containers apiece, and a walk-in closet.

    It also has its own bathroom. Compact would be the word to describe these. If it's anything like my own, the toilet and sink are directly across from one another, with leg room comparable to a car. Right beside them is a shower stall, just big enough for one person. The rest of the space is dedicated to allow the door to open.

    Reika plunked down on the neater bed. I'm guessing it's hers. When I sat opposite her, the springs within the cot gave me mild discomfort. Just enough to make me get up and throw the sheets over it. It wasn't much more cushion, but it was better than nothing.

    "So," Reika asked, hands clasped and resting to her left. Her shoulders were slumped, but she leaned neither forward nor back. "What do you want?"

    "I just wanted to talk about something that's been bothering me around here, that's all." I said with an unwitting lament. With a cringe to myself over my tone, I paused to allow Reika to respond. When she remained silent, I took it as a cue to continue on.

    "Do you remember when we went to the mountains?" Before she could look up and glare at me for reminding her, I corrected myself, "Oh sorry, dumb question. Remember how I said that I escaped from the Beast? When I did that, I ended up on a cliff overlooking the forest. And when I was there, I saw someone sneaking around."

    "It could've been another student." Reika immediately spoke up. The same thing as Aporon did. It's the logical answer. I even have a couple people I could tie it to. But still, something about that didn't fit. It doesn't feel right. If it was that simple, it wouldn't be bugging me.

    "I thought that might've been it. At least, that's what I wanted to believe." I involuntarily turned my head away, but forced my eyes to remain locked. "But I saw him again the day after. And yesterday, too."

    Reika leaned back on the bed, hardly caring about what I had to say. "I think you're being paranoid."

    "I don't may be right. But I have this gut feeling. I just can't shake it." I closed my eyes and held my breath before I said my next words. My instincts have sometimes been all I've had to turn to. They're occasionally out there, but they occasionally help. And besides...if I'm wrong, it's no big deal. If I'm right, then there could a big problem. "I have this feeling that something's going to happen. I want to check it out, but I don't want to do it alone."

    "Fritz." said my very irate friend, snapping up. "You seriously haven't forgotten, have you? Honestly? Let me spell it out for you. I. Have. A. Broken. Leg!" I frowned at her harsh comment and nigh-tantrum. I should've remembered that. Day-to-day life is hard enough with a broken leg, but something like this is simply asking too much. Reika noticed my sorrowful expression, and sighed exasperatedly. "It's not that I don't want to help you. I just can't." She paused momentarily to think, head lowered and a finger on her chin. Her next word was almost comforting and apologetic. "Okay?"

    "Okay..." I don't have a problem with this, but it's still disappointing. To say the least.

    I was slow to get up and exit, and when I did, I had to be careful not to trip on anything. But before I opened the door, Reika said one more thing to me.

    "Ask Thatcher."


    A quick trip down the hall was all it took to get me to Thatcher's room. I was sure to knock louder, uncertain of whether he would be awake. Which he was, barely. After tiredly greeting me, he dragged himself back to his bed and collapsed, legs strewn over the covers. His dorm was a single like mine, and was far better taken after by past occupants than Reika's. Being an inner room it had no natural source of lighting. Thus, simulants were stationed on the ceiling. Turned off at the moment, of course.

    Thatcher didn't skirt the fashion even as he slept, exemplified by his deep purple pyjamas. The shirt featured murky skulls and sheets with colorful eyes, and the legs had thin horizontal stripes. A nightcap with two opals and jagged ear-like protrusions covered most of his hair.

    Upon my explaining the situation, he turned away in shame. "S-sorry." was all he was able to say to me. He was deceptively alert despite being roused from a slumber. "I...I think I've...I don't want to go out...sneak out at night...again."

    I understood. My mood was far more composed when I told him, "Thanks anyway."


    I let myself out and closed the door behind me. My eyes were downcast. Both my friends aren't in the shape or state of mind to join me. This isn't good. Thinking about this. Is there anything else I can do?


    Maybe that fag Lawrence will help me. It's a stretch, I'll have to word it right, but it just might work.

    Just maybe.

    The door to the partition between the buildings wasn't far from Thatcher's room. It was a mild night, cool enough to notice upon going from inside to out, but warm enough not to dwell on it for any longer than a minute. Clouds and stars shared the sky above as a gentle breeze wafted below. An air of peace, or the calm before the storm?

    They may have been constructed a couple decades apart, but stylistically, the differences between the first-year dorm (once known as just 'the dorms') and second-year dorm were minimal. To reiterate, they sport a contemporary design, are colored a ruddy brown, and have tiled roofs painted white. What made them stand apart was the lining - the former had green, the latter had blue. For that matter, the interiors were laid out in much the same way. Their differences lay in the materials used, which ultimately gave them a different feel. Whether that was intentional or not is hard to say.

    There was no need to head inside, since Lawrence's room had a window and was on the first floor on the far side. With that in mind, I made a beeline for the bend. I rounded it and walked down the narrow asphalt that surrounded the dorm's perimeter. Seven windows down the row took me to where I needed to be. I looked inside and-



    When I said "that fag Lawrence," I meant it as an insult. Not it seems to be. Wow. Now I feel like a bit of a douche. I think even trying at this point would just be a bad idea...on numerous levels. I mean, in any case. Not just...these kinds of circumstances. But especially these kinds of circumstances. Ugh. I didn't need this.

    I turned away from the window and sighed. Maybe Reika's right about this. Maybe I am getting a little paranoid. I have had to be a little on-guard lately. Between Aporon, his associates, and the teachers who dislike me, I pretty much had little choice. But maybe I'm taking it a little too far. Things are what they are sometimes.

    With a deep sigh, I began methodically walking back to the first-year dorms. It was one thing to peer down at the grounds from night. It was something else to be out there at the time. Okay. Out there and awake enough to appreciate the scenery. For instance, a cluster of trees was the barricade between the dorm area and the walkway to the offices. I made note of them a couple days ago, but that was in the afternoon. At night, these stood as nothing more than tall, dark, imposing shadows leering over the grounds. Through the spaces between, I could just see the corner of the main building. I also noticed a side-door, where the paved path made a ninety degree bend, and a brightly-clad thing prowling the circumference of the school.

    Wait a minute, what was that last one?

    A gasp involuntarily escaped my mouth. The figure froze in place. He glanced over his shoulder carefully. I couldn't believe my luck. Okay. So I've found what I was looking for. Now what do I do?

    "It's you." I whispered after what felt like an eternity. The first action that came to mind. To call out to him. I wasn't sure, but I think the figure smiled at me. Right before he took off.

    I knew it was a bad idea, but I set off in pursuit mindless of the potential consequences. I was able to at least match his speed as he led me on a twisted route around the grounds. First, he darted between a few trees. I thought he was going to head off in the direction of the offices, but he did an abrupt 180 and started heading towards the battlegrounds. He dashed into one of the partitions, and in one fluid motion, he leaped over the barricade to the one beside it. By the time I was able to pull myself over, he'd already jumped the one on my left, making his way out of it and along the school again. Deciding to move smartly rather than swiftly, I went out the open side on my right, ran along the other side, and turned to meet up with him.

    Then it was my turn for a U-turn. Instead of continuing to comb the school's perimeter as I thought he would, the stranger hung a right. Suddenly, we were running in opposite directions, a fact that didn't hit me until he dashed by my side. I ran in a wide circle, just in time to see him distinctly peering at his destination: the forest.

    I slowed to a jog momentarily as I again thought of what I was about to do. I'm seriously considering to pursue an unknown into there, disregarding any danger. The forest has an inky blackness cast over it at night. Not enough to reduce visibility to nil, but more than is needed to make any haste a bad idea. And let's not say nothing to the threat of any wild Pokémon, or this individual could pose. Having come this far was all that spurred me to follow him in.

    The thicket was nearly impassable, a trait that affected me more than it did the figure I was trailing. He must have known precisely how to navigate. To my eye, his visibility qualified as minimal, and before long even his audibility became faint. The only thing I could do was trust my instincts, keep moving, and pray I wasn't heading in a circle or straight for nothing.


    When a trace of light seeping through the brush caught my eye, I flocked to it as a moth to a flame. The stoic wooden structure that was the Rangerism and Breeding stables greeted me as I entered its clearing, and it looks like I'd arrived just in time.

    The shady individual was here, standing in the faint glow of the stables' lamp, next to a small quadrupedal creature. It had a long neck, round body, short stubby legs, and I think it was a sandy yellow. It sneezed out a burst of flame onto an object, igniting it, at the same moment that the figure turned and spotted me. Unlike last time, he was almost taken aback at sight of me. He instantly released another Pokémon at his feet. This one was also a yellow color, though it was bipedal in nature. Its arms and legs looked bony and demonic, whereas its large tail was plush and natural. It held a fulcrum-shaped object in one of its crooks. With a low mumble, the three faded into nothingness. Did it just use Teleport...?

    Damn it! I chased him off, but there's still that fire to put out. How am I going to...wait, that's right! I have something that can use water! I retrieved the green-toned Poké Ball that I used to capture the Pokémon at the lake. Without hesitation, I cast the orb onto the ground.

    The lake Pokémon burst forth from the ball. It let out a delighted screech as it emerged, head whipping around in sheer excitement. In the darkness where we stood, its finer features were just as difficult to see as the day I caught it. With it now being out of its native environment however, I verified what I had already figured. That is, it has a serpentine body and a few fins on its large head. I could've used my scanning device to discover its identity, but there's no time for that.

    "All right, first time using you." I said with an attempted casual calm. Given the circumstances, it came out as energized as my subsequent command, "Hit that burning thing with Water Gun!"

    My Pokémon reared back its head and let loose. The blast made its mark, completely dousing the object and causing the flames to shine fiercely? Son of a bitch! I quickly recalled my Pokémon before the sparks could catch on anything.

    The only way that could've happened is if this is a Class D fire. So whatever that thing is, it's made of a combustible metal. I don't have anything that could put one of those out. Mareep would make things worse. Tangela as well. Nidorina doesn't have anything to smother it, and Eevee's Sand Attack would be far from what would be needed. Throwing dirt on it myself would be only marginally more productive.

    Damn it! I should've known he was headed here when he went into the forest. This is the only thing that's out here! Okay, okay. I just need to calm down. Relax. That burning thing isn't near the trees or the building. So if I hurry back, I might be able to get help before this gets out of hand.

    I resolved to waste as little time as possible, making the most of the fastest reasonable pace I could muster on the dirt path back to the grounds. Taking one last look over my shoulder, I saw the still-burning object sneering at me, and a second blaze beginning to lick its way out of the walls.

    Before I could even wonder what the hell was happening, an explosion pierced the air. The blast was solely confined to the inside of the building, but the deafening resonance given off had no difficulty in taking me off my feet. The pounding drum in my chest almost burst out in its deranged romp. Forcibly, I rolled myself over with my right hand to check what had happened. No signs of major structural damage were apparent from where I had been cast, the only good news. With very little time to dwell on the cause or effect, I scrambled up and went into a full-blown wild sprint. A speed faster than was prudent, but ignored it in my adrenalization.


    A worried crowd comprising mainly of first-years and second-years had already gathered as a result of the explosion. The rest were various faculty. Nobody was daring to tread further than about halfway up the outdoor battlegrounds.

    Few initially noticed the person come barreling out of the woods, and many were still sluggish to become aware when he came into full view. I was hyperventilating as I clung to a lamppost casting a white shine beneath. My words came out as gasps. I was uttering broken sentences. I got across "fire" and "it's bad" and "stables." The crowd was watching with concern. Whether it was solely for the fire or also for myself, I was too out of it to try and discern.

    "You." quivered a wrathful voice. Aiden Kripps approached me before I could pull it together. The vice principal of the school. Still dressed sharply even at this late hour, his gaze no less pointed. His distinct tone still managed through, even in his contempt. "You did this, didn't you?!"

    "No! It was somebody else!" I panted in desperation, failing to change his expression. I took a deep breath to compose myself. To get my mind in order before I explained the situation. "I was seeing a person sneaking around the school the past few days, so I decided to check it out. I found him, I chased him down, he went into the woods, and then he set the stables on fire and teleported away!" My declaration sent the crowd into abject horror. I couldn't discern a single individual statement amongst their delirious panic. It was that chaotic. There was screaming, crying, and a bit of outrage. Those who were not riled were in shocked silence. The jaws of more than one were as slack as they could be.

    The vice principal was the only one unmoved by this. He was not impressed, crossing his arms and glaring down at me. "If that were true, then why didn't you put the fire out?"

    "Because-" I began, before thinking about what I was going to say. "Because I don't have any Pokémon that could." This was a half-truth that I covered well by taking on a slightly ashamed tone. I thought it a better excuse than trying to explain about the metallic fire and how water only served to excite it. And besides. "I don't even have any matches or a lighter or Fire Pokémon! How could I start a fire?!"

    "You must have found a way. It'll be for the authorities to figure out how, but it's the only possibility." He shook his head and paced in front of me. The crowd was still in a panic, but Kripps' act was managing to steal the spotlight away from the matter at hand. He was eerily relaxed as he elaborated. "The way I see it is clear. A fire starts on the campus. A student out late at night runs out from where it is, claiming to have seen a man no one else has." With this, he turned with gusto and pointed to me with a single finger. His fired up attitude returned as he accused, "That student is obviously lying, and he is obviously the one who started the fire!"

    I took a step back out of shock. I didn't know how to respond to this accusation, again finding myself only able to squeak out gibberish. It looks like I've found the person leading the crusade against me. Aiden Kripps is undoubtedly the one who above all the rest, wants me out of Rukh's University. But...this? Trying to blame me for something like this? With no grounds?

    My fists clenched up. I could feel a tiny trickle of blood ooze down my palms as my nails dug into them, yet paid it no heed. "I want a second opinion!" I tumultuously retorted, loud enough to cause him to step back.

    "What?" He stared at me as if I'd spoken Greek.

    I shut my eyes. It wasn't the wisest of requests, but it was the only one in sight. I wasn't about to let this happen to myself. More firmly and focused, I repeated, "I said, I want a second opinion."

    I received a twelve second scowl for that one. He mouth came into view, his cheeks puffed out a bit, and I think he compressed his nose. He held this contortion of his facial features perfectly still, and undid it with a single chortle. With a nod, he slyly stated, "Fine. I'll play your game, Fritz Westmyn. But don't expect anything to change." With intent, he strutted off around the perimeter of the school, towards the offices.

    I was able to breathe a temporary sigh of relief at that. I wasn't concerned about no one else knowing about the intruder. I told my friends and even brought up seeing the guy to Aporon. The latter I would imagine would want to protect his investment, so he'd back me up. That is, if I even get that far. I'm not overly concerned about being blamed for it by least, I hope they'd be smart enough to tell otherwise. The only thing I have that could start a fire would be Mareep, only with Thunder which it hasn't learned, and only from the sky - not from the side or least of all from within. I'm concerned not about the inferno in the forest, not the stables, not about the smoke billowing up, not even the embers dancing around me. What I am concerned about is that man, Aiden Kripps, and whatever he might have in store for me. Not just in the immediate future, but in the days after. And again...that is, if I'm still at the school.

    That explosive argument was enough to divert the crowd away from the literal detonation and unto myself. Students were confusedly whispering, staff were remaining silent. On more than one occasion, a person from either party appeared as if they wanted to step forth to talk to me. Only one actually went through with it - an older boy who looked in his very early 20s. When my reply to the murmur was a tired "huh?", he stepped back without a further word.

    Mr. Kripps returned after around four minutes with a young woman in tow. Judging by the robe she had on, she was ready to go to sleep, if not hauled out of it. Still, she had a calm demeanor about her. What's surprising is, this person my detractor had turned to couldn't have been much older than me.

    "All right, we're here." Mr. Kripps approached whilst pointing. He stood next to me, as if to present me as evidence. "I told you the story. Now tell them how it is."

    She stared at me for a while. I don't know why or how I came to this conclusion, but it almost felt for a moment as though she were looking not at me, but beyond me. I'm not sure how to describe it. It was a little creepy, really, but what she subsequently said in a soft, yet confident voice relieved my tension.

    "It was not him."

    "What?!" Mr. Kripps was stunned. His step lost some of its purpose as he went over to her and rasped, "You can't be serious."

    "I am certain that he tells us the truth."

    Mr. Kripps remained in a state of shock, this time expressing it by throwing up his arms and hanging his jaw agape. He shuffled in closer. The conversation between the two became inaudible, until the robed one took a step back and spoke clear enough to address all present.

    "Please. I gave my opinion as requested. That is all I can do." She worriedly spoke, looking over the scene before holding her gaze on the forest. "I believe the one responsible will eventually be found, but for now, we must focus on what is before us." With that, she took one final look in my direction before silently returning from whence she came.

    Whoever that girl was, all present trusted in her take on the matter. Well, almost all. Every inch of the vice principal's body leaked of utter vehemence. He seethed with an intensity that threatened to ignite a second fire. He marched right up to me, got up in my face, and spoke. He spoke to me, and he spoke in a low, threatening tone so that only we could hear.

    "You look here, Fritz Westmyn. You may have had your skin saved this time. I don't know who was responsible for this yet, but you won't be his patsy. Consider yourself lucky." He backed away a step, but continued to speak in the same manner. "Mark my words, though. The moment I find even the slightest justification to expel you from MY school, your ass is out the door. I'll go over Finkerton if I have to."

    He added one last thing. With a hiss.

    "You North American scum."
    Don't know what to put here.

  5. #20
    Not A Piece of Cake Bubble Frog's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

    I figured it would be better and fairer that I review two chapters since I've read quite a few already, plus the information is still fresh in my mind.

    Chapter 2

    His mouth curled as if he'd been ingesting nothing but lemons, a revolting sight that aided in the next phase of my act.
    Nice description, that.

    I know it's not its fault, but still.
    I suggest referring to the Pokemon as "his" or "her," makes them feel more like characters and "it" is mostly a Japanese exclusive thing I see in the Anime due to the Japanese language not having gender-specific pronouns.

    Anyway this was an okay chapter, it wasn't particularly super interesting to be completely honest. It centered mostly around Fritz's encounter with that Gyarados. I feel as though it's perfectly okay to tell in a lot of scenes, like drab or uninteresting moments that aren't relevant to the story at hand as a whole, but showing in scenes like that would be much better and make the battle more engrossing for the readers imo, the Gyarados scene is just a perfect example of that. Also remember there is such a thing as being overly descriptive, which I felt you were at the point where you were talking about the classroom. Specifically because as a whole the room didn't have a direct bearing on the plot of the chapter at hand. Just remember not to overdue it on the description, your grammar for the most part was flawless. Also, while this wasn't a problem in the chapter.(I've managed to read about seven of your chapters during my free time in class, so I see this in advance.) Remember that you don't have to speech tag every line of dialogue, sometimes just forget the tags if we know which characters are conversing and just let the dialogue flow naturally.

    I enjoyed the discussion between the Trio of Reika, Thatcher, and Fritz during the lunch scene, we got some nice insight on the character. Interesting that Thatcher holds Pokemon Contests and being a Coordinator in high prestige and refers to it as art.

    "The goals of a Pokémon Coordinator..." he confided, "is to make their Pokémon look beautiful. They get dressed up all cutely, then go up in front of crowds of people, trying to look cooler than anyone else! They have all sorts of fancy competitions in Contests. But they have to be tough, too! Since in most contests, you have to have special battles. Magnificient duels...showing off smart and elegant combinations of moves..." He was entirely bedazzled as he gave me the lowdown.
    Thorton's fawning over Pokemon Contest is pretty enticing, "magnificent duels." XD That's exactly what they are.

    The student body flew into spontaneous trepidation.

    "Cronus was beatened?!"

    "No! No! Nooo!"

    "What are we gonna do?!"


    "We have it to I mean we gotta get out of here!"

    The crowd agreed with the last of those, a supermajority scampering away in all directions - a few even summoning bird Pokémon and escaping into the skies. A few chose to rush to the aid of the fallen trainer. Reika and I took one look and commenced to run away ourselves. We stopped on the spot when we looked back and noticed what was missing.
    It's simply amazing, yet vomit-inducing how the student body seems to fall apart at Cronus' defeat. I guess they have a huge reliance and respect for him.

    So, Fritz uses his Tangela and takes care of things, guess that shows he has skills that can take care of problems by his own merits. Eevee, Mareep, Nidorina, and Tangela, eh? Shame that his hardwork went unappreciated since he got opposite results instead.

    Chapter 3

    The dean certainly was cryptic and had a very antagonistic and somewhat borderline supervillainy personality and demeanor. Pretty fun to see Fritz is somewhat public enemy number one now amongst the staff, I hope this actually effects him at some points in the story however. Thorton's intro and us learning about his shyness is just another example of how I feel character personality building is important and you did just that with that scene and used the moment to let us now about him. I wonder if this will conflict with his goal of wanting to be a Pokemon Coordinator, given the battles and appeals in those Contest are very much like actual performances.

    I enjoyed the group interactions between them and their Eevee, differentiating their personalities helps identify with the Eevee as different characters and we see them less as the same Pokemon.
    If I remember it correctly, Eevees are renowned as alternative starter Pokémon - particularly among non-League sanctioned organizations - due to their unstable genetic makeup granting them the capacity for varied evolution
    Nice explanation and somewhat expansion on canon.

    Um. "I don't know yet. Maybe I'll just let the cards fall where they will." I adjusted my bangs as I talked. I was certain there was something I could do, but I didn't know what it was just yet.
    For some reason I think "letting the cards fall where they will." means Umbreon or Espeon, since all the other evolutions of the Eevee species have to be induced by some method of location or evolutionary stone to actually obtain.
    "Not Vaporeon or Leafeon." she replied. "That's it. That's all I can say."
    Leafeon, not good for Contest from Reika's POV? XD Interesting, I always thought of those two as being more of the two elegant Eevees. Maybe I'm just reading too much into Zoey's Leafeon from the anime which was very stunning and beautiful for its Contest. I never have thought of any Eeveelutions as being specifically bad for Contest, then again I'm curious why she thinks that.

    Fritz gets a top-notch room, that's good, I prefer being isolated myself so that was relatable and I liked how he talked about the laziness of people with simple idle task like walking. Fritz summing up his actions of the day and the cast of characters he's interacted with seems like more set-up, it's going to be interesting to see what you do with these characters and portray the story of Fritz Westmyn from this point on.
    Last edited by Bubble Frog; 12th January 2013 at 05:59 PM.

  6. #21
    Stray Dog Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

    Well I'm not one to use quotes since it's hard for me to go back and find the parts but I'll try to make

    Chapter 1 was kind of slow for me a bit, but that's because it was an introduction chapter and probably the lenght scared me a little bit. I liked how it set up things though and it was interesting to see Fritz's encounter with the Gyarados or Aporon.

    Speaking of Fritz, he's actually someone I've come to like more with every chapter, when I read chapter 1 I originally thought he was a little but suish but you quickly began to develop him in his own way, plus the POV you use allow for a lot of interesting comments and jokes, first person is usually used to describe something that's already happened to the character, but by using it in present tense we can now what he's feeling and how he's thinking at that specific moment rather than him just remembering.

    I also liked the team you picked out for him, it seems pretty well balanced and they kind of match with him in a way though I still haven't been able to figure out what the water Pokemon is xD I'm not good at matching up parts in words so it's not your fault.

    There are a lot of characters that I'm interested about, such as Reika and why she's how she is, actually she kind of explained it a bit, but I could see a lot of growth in only ten chapters for her, while she's temperamental and has a bit of a short fuse Reika really does care for her friends and her well being.

    Another character that caught my interest was Aporon, reason is that he's neither a big brother sort of character but he's also not a bully character, he's like a cross between both and even though he likes to mess around with Fritz it seems as if he's more than just that, the thing that got me to think this was what he did in chapter 8 he could've had one of his crooks go after Fritz but he just let him off and do what he wanted at that moment.

    I like the spin that you gave to this fic by implementing real world countries into it, as well as the hint of racism that people tend to have for those of other countries, though the interesting thing is that this actually happens in real life as well, though this will cause more problems for Fritz xD

    Well grammar wise you're one of the best honestly xD you have a lot of potential and you beat in me in that a by a landslide xD you also have good description and flow for the story, to me it was a bit hard to catch at first but it was because I've spent a long time without reading but I can say that your story just made me recover a lot of my old reading speed so I thank you for that.

    Once again I'll point out the fact that you adding actual academy stuff to an academy fic has actually set it apart cause as I mentioned before most people tend to use this for the sake of the setting, it's a simple basic setting that allows you to do a lot of plots so a lot of people just focus on the plot that they have planned but you've been adding things that actually happen at a school as a secondary theme while you develop the plot, so that's something I like a lot.

    With that in mind I'll give you you're rating...give me a second here pls.

    This only goes up to chapter ten so the score goes down a bit cause we don't have a full plot yet but it might go up x)


  7. #22
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

    You are very talented. The level of complexity to your prose is something I like and admire. I don't know how to explain it other than your writing is very elegant and flows well. The level of description is good as well without being over the top.

    Chapter one started a bit slow, but that is to be expected since it is introductory in nature.

    What I really like though is how complex and deep Fritz seems so far. He is far from the typical trainer type we see so often, and I really like his team as well.


    Coming Soon...

  8. #23
    Not A Piece of Cake Bubble Frog's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

    Chapter 4

    Something I've noticed is that your story is just getting more and more interesting as I go along. The chapter immediately starts off with Fritz transferring classes, that Hariyama trainer seems like she'll be an important factor later on in the story. She has a very stoic and somewhat violent battling style. Cronus and his cronies(:P) appearing out of the blue and them all being such of a different pallet of types is just very weird yet amusing. I mean a nerd and a jock? Preppy boy and a jock? Seems like a very awkward combination in Cronus' squad of underlings. I guess they're not important enough to the story to be addressed by name by Friz. :P The character interactions were good, I probably didn't appreciate them as much as I should have given I'm not particularly attached to any of the character except the main trio yet, but regardless they were nice. Seemed like an awfully ballsy thing to do, I'm talking about Fritz using his Mareep against a trained Primeape especially when said sheep can't even use its Electric-type moves properly. I also liked the small point-out that Fritz's Mareep most likely has Static and frontal attacks might not be the smartest move. Needless to say I was not surprised it was thrashed rather quickly. I might have already commented on this but Fritz's Nidorina seems awfully powerful for a first-stage Pokemon. I also have ask if you're breaking the four-move limit? I noticed Primeape used quite a few attacks. I also took notice to the fact it seems more like Cronus isn't that hugely bad a person, despite being glorified by most people at school he didn't come off as overly-antagonistic this chapter. I think from Fritz POV he simply has a predetermined outlook on Cronus, though we can clearly tell Edgar very much despises Fritz. I didn't get a super clear distinction regarding the other member's opinions so I can't comment on that.

    "I ain't got a problem, you got a problem!" he retorted, nearly bursting a vein on his forehead trying to stare me down. "You don't mess with Cronus Aporon. Understand? There's comsequences for nessing with him. You. SHITHEAD."
    Unless that's on purpose they should be spelled "consequences" and "messing."

    "What?" The nerd was the only to laugh at this impulsive shot of mine, and quickly regretted it. "Lawrence, for the last time, SHUT THE FUCK UP. Now you! Show me what you got!"
    That was a nice little exchange for example.

    As usual the dialogue flowed fairly nicely. I see pretty much all of Cronus' squad as being annoying jerks, I'm assuming that's the image you're trying to convoy. The nerd and prep came off as bit too empty for my taste but that's nothing to look to deeply at given this is their debut chapter of all things so they have more time to make more of an impression when they get featured more. Cronus comes off more as a teasing older siblings than a straight-up jerk which goes back to me thinking Fritz already has it made up in his mind that Cronus = Asshole and won't bend anyway from that. A very very minuscule amount of grammatical errors, you're very careful in that regard. Chapter was pretty good and entertaining, the Mareep curbstomp was kinda embarrassing but the Nidorina battle managed fun to read. The pacing was also pitch-perfect and nothing felt rushed or overly-drawn out so cheers to you in that regard.

  9. #24
    Poet Laureate AiedailEclipsed's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

    So, I know that we already dissect everything on Skype, but I gotta give you some public props/review.

    I loved all of the new chapters (I think it was 8 to 10), as per the usual Reika was invoking a complex thread of emotions within me (from wanting to throttle her for being a bitch to making me genuinely empathize with her situation, although I'll reserve full judgement till I know her full situation). I'm curious to see how this new mysterious dude will come about more. That last bit by the VP caught me off guard as I didn't remember anything about Fritz being North American. As I mentioned, I do have to say that the whole "describe the Pokemon but never implicitly name them until a later time" grates on my nerves. ^^;;

    The situation with Lawrence being caught in a compromising situation was HILARIOUS. I can't wait to find out who he was with! Hmmm. Thatcher. Oh, that poor darling. I just want to take him home with me and be a mother hen. Oh, and Elyna was simply wonderful (<3). I can't wait to see what you do with her, but you best take care of her or I'll lay a butt whoopin' on you. >:3 Also, the situation with Liane and her posse. That was interesting. Loved her reaction after she went in and found the missing statue though. It'll be quite interesting to see where that particular bit goes! In any case, eagerly awaiting the next installments to this story.
    Currently looking for help with a web project. If interested in more details, please feel free to PM me!

    "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it."
    -- Narrator, Pokemon: Jirachi Wish Maker
    "You can't change the world without getting your hands dirty."
    -- Lelouch Lamperouge, Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion
    "Do I have a stamp on my forehead that says, 'The National Spokesperson for the Plight of Black People'? How the hell should I know the black perspective on The Color Purple? That's it, if I don't change classes, I'm gonna hurt this fool. Teachers treat me like I'm some kind of Rosetta stone for African-Americans. What? Black people learn how to read, and we all miraculously come to the same conclusion?"
    -- Victoria, Freedom Writers
    "N's heart is pure and innocent. But there is nothing more beautiful and terrifying than innocence."
    -- Concordia, Pokémon Black/White 2

  10. #25

    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World


    And with that mess out of the way, there's only one more thing: there's now an Atlas up. At present, it only contains Character Profiles. But it'll have more soon, including a collection of behind-the-scenes workings and all the little details you might not have noticed.

    With that being said, we can finally move on to...


    Part 2: Omnipresent Secrecy

    Chapter 2-1: A Bigger Picture

    It's been a little over a week since the fire at the school. The situation is still absolute chaos. The good news is, there was minimal damage to the forest. I'd never seen firefighters in this country before, and I must say, it was pretty sweet seeing them in action. The bad news is, the Rangerism/Breeding stables were completely incinerated. None of the Pokémon inside survived. Classes were cancelled until further notice; this was not only because the building two of them were being held in had been destroyed, but also due to the ongoing investigation. Access to the grounds was also cut off, for most students and teachers.

    There's another matter at hand though, and I suppose I should go over it a bit. What Aiden Kripps said is true. I'm not actually a native of Japan. I was born and grew up in Mexico. Since I came here, I've always had to be on my guard for people like him. People who know where I came from and aren't too happy about it. Like I said before though, I'm not ready to take a side on the matter. I can explain it a little more, though.

    Without going into excessive specifics, here in Japan, they have a belief that humanity should live in complete and total harmony with Pokémon. Nearly every aspect of everyone's life in the country has a connection to these creatures in some way. Like, those firefighters for example. They attacked the blaze which was threatening to become a wildfire from the air with Pelippers and Mantines. The mutualism is boundless, and it's impressive how many ways they manage to walk hand-in-hand.

    But where I come from, the relationship is more commensalistic. Meaning, it helps the people by providing them with entertainment, battles, pets, and ways to settle disputes, while not going out of the way to hurt or help Pokémon. Ownership can qualify as anything from a hobby to a career. It's not as much a given as it is in Japan and nations practicing their values, and in some cases is even a luxury.

    The philosophical disagreement created a rift between the two schools of thought. Mostly initiated on Japan's end. That's part of the reason why all foreign species to the nation are outlawed. It's not that a big deal when you really look at it - even given quarreling in neutral ground, there's no open engagement to be had. Of course, there's extremists and dissenters in each case...and upsides and downsides to both mentalities.

    And as for myself? What do I think? The same thing as I said before. I'm not ready to take a definitive stance on the matter. What I am sure of, and maybe the only thing I am sure of, is that neither nation is as bad as the other claims.


    Reika, Thatcher, and myself had been resting in the park for the better part of the week. None of us had the funds to rent a room long-term, and that's accounting for the discounted prices offered for students of the University enjoyed by the third and fourth year students. Nor did we have the luxury of knowing anyone in-town to provide shelter. We weren't the only ones left out in the cold like this, but knowledge of this place in addition to the local homeless touting it to us as a safe place to sleep justified it. Besides, it's more appealing than an alley or a religious home or especially a hostel. Damn cheap-ass hostels, letting anyone walk into any room.

    The first signs of daylight had started making their appearance. This was way earlier than any of us wanted to get up, yet here we were. That was a trite issue compared to the true dilemma we faced, however. With each day, the ennui increased exponentially. To make my point clear, the morning after the first night here, the three of us had a conversation about how different an experience it was to sleep in the outdoors. This gave way to us going across the road to get a cheapy breakfast. After that, Thatcher and I did a little more training together. Not wanting to be left out, Reika decided to bring out her Marill, and they had some practice of their own.

    As it stands at present, I was leaning against a tree looking east, watching and waiting for the sun to burst over the hill. It had to have been at least half an hour off from doing so, but the sheer boredom had led me to take such an action. My friends were vaguely more animate. Reika was lying restlessly on a towel, one of a number we had brought with us to sleep on. Thatcher sat on a bench, attempting to read a book or magazine of some kind with the teasing amount of light present between sky and lamp.

    After the sun finally made its anticipated arrival? Well, after I nearly fell over shielding my face - I was a little too precise in where I was looking - I just paced impatiently. My friends had swapped positions; Thatcher was now lying back on a towel in peace, having given up on trying to do any reading and no longer in the mood, and Reika sat boredly on the bench, sighing periodically.

    Mercifully, this monotony eventually met its end.

    "Ahh, the three forlorn dreamers." boomed a voice. It belonged to a cheerful man, who happily sauntered up to us. He had on a ratty, yet neatly buttoned ochre jacket, and a pair of dusty old pants. Regardless of his Gatsby Cap covering his head, one could easily tell the origin of his moniker from his filthy brown beard, mustache, and bangs (for lack of a better phrase) that looked like steel wool.

    "Mr. Gruff." I greeted with a small wave. "How are you this morning?" He was one of the hobos who pointed us to the park. And in fact, he's apparently second only to the most elder hobo in respect given by his fellows.

    "On a luminous day such as this one," he chuckled, "I could not be better!" I had only known him for just under a week, yet Mr. Gruff stands as one of those people who you can get to fully know within such a period. He's blustery and eccentric, but kind-hearted and has a strong moral base. With a jaunty grin, he asked, "And what of you?"

    I stretched out my back whilst massaging it. "A little antsy. Still haven't gotten used to sleeping out here, and I don't think I ever will."

    "You think YOU have it bad?" Reika complained while standing to her feet.

    "But of course," I conceded in how I was about to get to that, "You and Thatcher have it far worse." She tried to sleep on a bench in order to give her leg the proper support, using bags and even newspaper as cushioning. It didn't end well, so she had to join Thatcher and myself on the grass, which is far easier on the back than coarse wood. She was effectively pained no matter where she chose to sleep. And as for Thatcher, well. He wasn't complaining verbally, but his body language screamed louder than any words from Reika.

    Mr. Gruff chuckled. "It is just something that you get used to in time. No no, no need to fret. I remember my first night on the streets like it was yesterday. The aches will subside after a while, don't you worry there!"

    My ears only faintly picked up on Reika's remark over the gentle breeze, "It'd better not come to that crap."

    "Anyhow!" Mr. Gruff declared, "Biggie, Gumbo, and myself shall be headed to Antony's for today's lunch in a moment. Would you three be interested in joining us for a meal?"

    Gumbo is another hobo in town, who we've seen twice before. Some homeless people take up a habit, and for him, it's chewing gum. He said as much himself that unless he is eating or sleeping, he chews gum. And yes. He does continue to chew a bit while talking. It made Thatcher throw up a little. Biggie, on the other hand. Well, I haven't met him yet - a surprise given how often he's been mentioned to us - but he apparently lives up to his name. In Mr. Gruff's words, "He is the largest guy in the alleys! The biggest of the bunch! The tallest of titans! The hugest of homeless! He's a quiet one, yes, but his actions are loud, and when he speaks! Everyone listens!"

    But about the matter at hand. "Would that be okay with the others? I mean, we aren't actually hobos."

    "There is no concern to be had!" he reassured us, "I personally vouched for you, and the agreement was reached!"

    Thatcher had apparently been following the conversation. He looked over to us. "S-sorry." he apologized, looking Reika and then myself in the eye. A veil of shame draped over my friend as he said, "I'm...I...I can't eat that sort of...I'm allergic least, I think. I don't want know..."

    I shrugged my shoulders, but before I could say anything, Reika fired a glare my way. "No. It wouldn't be right to do it without Thatcher."

    My thought and instinct was to reply that Thatcher might not mind and to ask him, but Mr. Gruff began to talk before I could do so. "Oh, not to worry. I understand your predicament well, for the Traveling Hobos are all about consolidarity!" He tipped his hat, synchronically expressing respect and saying farewell. "If you require assistance, you know where to find us. I shall be heading off now! Good day to you three!"

    As the jovial one powerwalked across the road, mindless of traffic that was or wasn't there, I couldn't help but smile to myself. I don't know what it is about that man, but somehow, after every time he visits us, I find my attitude a lot more positive. It must be contagious. "So," I asked my friends with a bright smile, "What do you wanna do now?"

    The answer was two astraddle stares.

    I groaned. The only things I could think of were out of the picture for one reason or another. My mood was right back to where it initially stood.


    Another indeterminate amount of time passed by.

    The repetition of nothing got to be so boring, Reika and I wordlessly started an impromptu game of Rock-Paper-Scissors. It took up...another indeterminate amount of time.

    "This is retarded." Reika eventually said. We'd had more draws than we had wins put together. Even standing as a distraction, it was managing to frustrate us both. "Next one to get a win wins."

    "You've been keeping track?" I queried. Going with scissors.

    "I've won 17 times, I've lost 17 times, and 39-" She also went with scissors, "40 draws." Okay, those statistics were just a guess, but hey, got'em. "This is really retarded."

    "Well, well, well!" came a male voice all of a sudden. "What do we have here?"

    I whirled around on my guard to stare upon...someone who I've never seen before? This wasn't Edgar, although I should've guessed from the start considering my vulgar nickname was not spouted. But he's no less huge than Aporon's goon; in fact, he may have even been a few inches taller. Differing is how this fellow has a far healthier balance of fat and muscle, although an even worse fashion sense. Tattered black shorts and waistcoat, a violet undershirt, studded wristbands, and sneakers that had seen better days made up his apparel. Skin's slightly pale, his eyes are brown, and he has a reddish bowl-cut.

    "Oh, I know!" he excitedly declared, hands pressed together. He grinned with the sleaze of a used car salesman. "If it isn't scrawny little Scratcher Pee!"

    Thatcher was taken slightly aback. "Hey, my name's-"

    "Scratcher Pee!"

    "Yes." he sighed, before delving into frantic panic. "No, no, no! Wait, huhuzawhawhat?! You?" A look of horror and recognition was plastered onto Thatcher's face as he took a step backwards. Because...well, I have no idea. It wasn't the same kind of fear he expressed when he was faced with a draconic sea serpent or a cloud of chiropterans; this was something different. When he spoke, he spoke slowly and quietly. "What are you..."

    "What am I? Only a humble success story, of course." replied the young man. Genuinely, too. It was like he was deep in some sort of thought. "And what are you?"

    Thatcher's mouth didn't even get a chance to open a crack before this person raised his palm. "Don't answer that!" Overdramatically, he started thinking. The man perked up and snapped his fingers. "Got it! You're a kid who's finally getting out of the house after 17 years!"

    He only gave Thatcher about three seconds to respond before going, "No? Darn, could've sworn that was it. Now let's see. Hm, hm." He again went into overdramatic thought, and again perked up after a few moments. "Oh, I know!"

    He sleeked over to Thatcher and whispered something into his ear. Thatcher clenched his eyes shut as he took several steps back towards Reika and I. Whatever was said, he cried in reply, "But! But I'm trying my best!"

    "That's your best? I never would've guessed!"

    I had only vaguely noticed Reika. She had been scowling with her fists clenched over the duration of the incident, and had finally heard enough. She screamed at the young man, "Leave him alone, asshole!"

    Another look of recognition came over his face. He smiled as wildly as before, and declared, "Oh and look! If it isn't his fat friend, Freak-Eye Easton!" She loudly grumbled. If this aggressor was within arm's length, she probably would've socked him on the button. His eyes stretched wide, and he tilted his head to a comical angle. He was gazing at her cast. "What's that crutch for?" he teased. "You get too heavy to stand up?"

    Reika calmly explained, as if she would explode again at any moment, "I broke my leg."

    "From being too heavy, right?" With a shit-eating grin, he struck a pose. At face value, it was one of arrogant showmanship, but he did it in an exaggerated way as if to mock the vain. "Or is it that your knees are just too weak right now?"

    "Shut the fuck up!" Reika was beside herself with anger.

    "Shut the you? That doesn't even begin to make sense."

    "You son of a-"

    I held my hand a few inches in front of Reika's mouth, hushing her before she could be goaded any further. A third time, the young man repeated his act, "Oh, and..." His face went blank. He scratched his head. "Who are you?"

    "Fritz Westmyn. Who the hell are you?" was my quick response.

    "Josef Northrop." There was a pause as he looked me over. My friends remained silent, Reika because she was observing what I would do, and Thatcher no doubt due to his terror. When the man looked up again, he was once again scratching his head. Baffled, he curiously asked, "Why are you hanging out with these nerds?"

    He was being level with me, almost casual. It didn't change my discontent with him. I told him with annoyance, "They're my friends."

    "Ha!" he sharply laughed, the dickishness returning. I remained stoic. "You must be pretty bad at making them if you have to fall back on these guys."

    "Oh yeah?" I riposted. "Well where's your friends?"

    That seemed to throw him off-guard. "I've made several over the years," he hastily explained, reverting to his initial attitude towards me, "But I travel alone. I'm just passing through on my way to challenge the Eterna City Gym." He almost seemed delighted as he said his next words (almost), "Never thought I'd run into those two here, though!"

    "What's your deal?" I pressed. "Why'd you just suddenly come up to us like that?"

    "Let's just say we go way back." he said with a shrug, turning to my friends and smirking. "Don't we? Scratcher and Freak-Eye?"

    Reika only grumbled even louder in response to the continued pestering, while Thatcher visibly jittered with his mouth agape. Noticing this, Josef pranced right up to him. "So whatcha doin' here? Ya little pioneer?"

    "I-I-I'm...I just...but..." I'd seen Thatcher get scared many times before. But nothing, not even that Gyarados, even compared to the consternation he was in now. He was waving and recoiling, as if he were trying to wave off this old acquaintance. "'t you be...g-g-g-going, Josef?"

    "What? You think the gym's gonna sprout legs and walk away?" Josef mocked. He stepped back again and stretched out his arms and legs. "I got plenty of time."

    I figure the only way this guy will leave is if I drive him off. So I jumped right back in with a statement, making it clear that if he messes with them, he messes with me: "Lay off, pal."

    "Hey, hey, relax man!" He threw up his arms in friendly protest. "No need to go all white knight on me. I never seen these two out and about like this before. I'm just playin' with 'em!"

    Reika made a sarcastic remark, "Go play with yourself."

    Once more, Josef appeared as though he wasn't expecting that. He mumbled, "Ouch." With what I witnessed so far, it wasn't clear if he was genuinely hurt or just not expecting to hear it from Reika. He inquired without a shred of irony, "You been teaching her how to talk, Fritz? Maybe you could teach Scratcher how to dress nice!"

    "Pft, look who's talking." I flippantly said. "I've seen drunken bums with nicer clothes than you."

    "Oh yeah? You could fit right in with those bums with that hair of yours."

    "That so? The way you seem to be going, you won't even have hair in a few years."

    "Oh yeah? In a few years, the way you seem to be going, you'll just be a chatty babysitter. You probably made a few people question why they have to live on the same planet as you."

    "Oh yeah? Well you literally made Adolf Hitler get off his dick-throne in midst of the flames of Hell, walk into the bathroom, and sob quietly in the corner of a shower. He held a cheap bottle of whiskey in his shaking hand, no longer secure in his position of least likable human being."


    Reika was the first to break the deafening silence. "Fritz," she started, "What the HELL?"

    "Too much?"

    "I'll say." she said with a roll of her eyes. "God, he was last person I wanted to see."

    "Reiky! Hiiii!" A high-pitched female voice rang out, and Reika's head sank into her palm. She mouthed some profanities before taking a peek at who had made her presence known. It was a girly girl around her age and height, wearing a distinctively feminine polo, a sky-blue skirt that reached halfway down her thigh, and short black heels.

    "Inara." Reika monotonously sighed.

    "Hey, hey now!" she prattled while ruffling her strawberry blonde hair. "You don't have to be so formal! Just call me Ina!"

    "What do you want and why are you here?" This was something new out of Reika. She had an eerie calm about her. Usually when she doesn't want to deal with something, she gets angry. It's creepy, to be honest.

    Ina did a cute little curtsy before answering, "I go to Rukh's University now! I didn't know you went too, Reiky!"

    Reika groaned. "Oh, god." She buried her forehead in both her palms. She sullenly waddled up to me and made a request, "Fritz, could you get rid of her like you got rid of that dick?"

    "I never left." Josef said. In fact, when he heard that we were attending a school, he seemed to snicker to himself in surprise. "You need glasses like your friend over there?"

    I ignored his comment. "Um, okay." It was a little unnerving trying to approach this. I only really feel comfortable fighting back against aggressors, of which this Inara...or Ina girl did not seem to be. With that uncertainty, I almost mumbled, "What's the deal?"

    "Ohhh." she embarrassedly said, as if she had forgotten her manners or something. "Reiky and I used to be friends. I just thought I'd come say hi, that's all!"

    "Used to be?" I thought aloud. I turned to my friend in surprise. "Wait, you knew she was here?"

    "No! I had no idea!" she insisted.

    "Sorry, I would've come say hi sooner, but you always looked so busy!" Ina's mood was slightly dampened by my question, but with each word that came out of her mouth, it gradually reverted to her ditzy demeanor. Until it became entirely chipper with, "It's so nice to see you again! Is this Thatcher?"

    "I just called him Fritz!" Reika scolded. "He's Thatcher!"

    Ina blinked. She turned to the young man standing beside her in confusion. "Him?"

    "No, I'm Josef Northrop." he said, introducing himself with what appeared to be an attempt at a charming smile. "Just an old friend of theirs, like you." He shrugged and pointed to the correct individual, a devilish smirk on his face. "He is Scratcher Pee."

    Ina was again confused. "I thought it was Thatcher Li?"

    "He's an idiot, Ina." Reika was gritting her teeth. "Ignore him."

    "Hey, hey, now! Don't be like that!" I can already tell why Reika might find her disagreeable, but the problem is, I can't see any way these two might've been friends at some point. Her squeaky voice, the way she closes her eyes half the time, and girly attitude just...just...I don't know. "Sometimes you just gotta turn the other cheek!" she giggled, acting it out by literally turning her cheek.

    I again raised a hand to calm a seething Reika, turning to her this time. "Relax," I said, "Getting worked up over the past isn't going to change it."

    "I know that!" she snapped. "It's of those two is bad enough, but they both had to be here, didn't they? How the hell could this be any worse?"


    Oh, god damn it. That's how. Cronus. Fucking. Aporon. Still dressed as school is in session. That's the other reason why I had wanted to sleep out here, rather than in a more practical locale. The last thing I needed this week was for him to show up. Least of all right now.

    "I've been looking for you, Westmyn." he said, arms crossed. "Where the hell have you been?"

    I rolled my eyes. Determined not to be in the same boat as Reika and Thatcher were placed into, I gave an indignant response, "Far away from you. Thanks for asking."

    "Look." Aporon said, only faintly acknowledging my displeasure. "It's been over a week. Don't you think we should have another training session?"

    "Classes have been cancelled, jackass."

    "That's only temporary." he replied with a raised finger. I wished at that moment that it wasn't temporary, and Rukh's would be closed long-term. Maybe forever. Then I would be the one laughing on the inside, and I would never have to deal with him again. "Mr. Baiaz said that we're still expected to train for the tournament." Aporon cordially continued. "I only found your partner a couple days ago. The plan I have for today is to train you together."

    That's it. I don't know about Phoebe, but I was not in the mood to deal with him. "If last time's borderline hazing was any indication," I called out with a glare and shake of my head, "Then I think there's going to be a change of plans."

    Aporon shrugged, neither confirming or denying my accusation. "Just remember, you have to go through with it. Follow the four Ps."

    Reika had once again seen enough, and stepped up beside me. "Are you HONESTLY taking it this far?" she defended.

    "I wasn't talking to you, fatass," he snapped back. "Stay out of it."

    Josef snorted to contain his laughter. "Classic."

    Ina had been watching with sparkling retinas the entire time. Unable to resist any more, she squealed and ran before Aporon. "Ooo! Croneboy! It's so great to meet you in person!" Ina gushed while extending her hand, which Aporon accepted without a second thought. "Sorry if this is a bad time!"

    "I don't believe we've met," he began with a polite tone, "But it's always nice meet a fan. Is something on your mind?"

    She turned over to me with a cocked head. As if she were attempting to use Covet, she asked, "Can't you be a little nicer to Fritz? I mean, he did help you catch that Gyarados!"

    "What the HELL?" an awestruck Reika yelled. "Fritz did all the work, and he just stole it!"

    Ina just smiled. "Well, it was weakened quite a bit before he came in! Aporon was fighting it before, after all!"

    Their argument continued on in much the same fashion as it did before. I couldn't even tell what was being said. Likewise, Josef began to taunt Thatcher once again. I could barely make out a request of Thatcher's for his harasser to go away, aside from a plea that it'd been enough already. Aporon was addressing me as well, words that I chose to blot out of my mind. Still, my own fuse was beginning to reach its limit.

    "Look, look, look, look, LOOK!"

    Everyone stopped and faced me as I yelled. I took a deep breath to regather my bearings. "I know how we can settle this." Their expressions were unwavering, but retained their initial interest. I smiled. "There's three of us, and three of you. We could have a triple battle."



    "What's that?"

    "The hell, man?"

    "What are you spouting, Westmyn?"

    Oh shit, they don't have those here, do they?

    "Oh, sorry." I hastily backpedaled. I'm lucky they don't know about those here, either. I stumbled through a hastily concocted alternative, "What I meant was...well. Thatcher and Josef, you two have a battle. Reika and Ina, you two have a battle. And Aporon, you and me will have a battle." I paced back and forth as I explained, motioning to each person as I said their name. "Whichever side gets two out of three wins. Sound good?"

    Reika smiled wickedly, rubbing her hands together. "Sure." she said, in a determined delight.

    Ina was by contrast chipper. "That's a great idea, Frizzly!" Um, Frizzly? So what, I have a cutesy name now, too? And Frizzly? Am I having a bad hair day or something?

    With a mighty stretch, Josef nodded. "Heh. This should be fun." he commented to no one in particular. Stretching his fingers as well to the point of cracking, he gave affirmation. "I could use a warm-up."

    Thatcher's eyes went wide. He ran up and whispered, "Wh-what?! Y-y-you want me to battle HIM?"

    I couldn't give a confidence boost, because Aporon began to address me. He prattled in a detached and sterile tone, almost as though he was offended by my proposition. "You really want to do this? A battle against me?"

    "Yes or no." I replied, fruitlessly attempting to pierce his still gaze.

    He was silent, all eyes on him to see what he would do. To see how he would react. Even Josef, the outlier, remained patiently quiet. A deep, reluctant sigh escaped his mouth. It was the kind of sigh that one gives when about to set about a task that they don't particularly want to do, but feel has to be done.

    "If that's how you want it, then it'll be my pleasure."
    Last edited by System Error; 4th February 2013 at 02:48 AM.
    Don't know what to put here.

  11. #26
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

    Another awesome chapter. The delicacy and intimacy with which your character interaction is really beautiful, for lack of a better term. For example, when Reika and Fritz are playing paper/rock/scissors. Just little details like that are part of what makes this such a great story.

    Coming Soon...

  12. #27
    Poet Laureate AiedailEclipsed's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

    As per the usual, we discussed (technically, still discussing) this on Skype in more detail, but I'll give the general outline.

    First off, I have to make the note that the woman who Kripps went for last chapter... she intrigues me. It seems rather apparent that she has some sort of ability, but time will tell as to what that is. Now, for the current chapter. In a quote taken directly from Skype, as I feel it best embodies my feelings on the matter. "YOU BITCH." None of the Pokemon survived in the stable thing? :'( I mean, couldn't they have broken out or someone broken them out? *sniffle* Moving on. People calling Reika fat are starting to grate on my nerves. I know I'm not exactly Reika's biggest fan or cheerleader, but dammit. That just ain't cool. Next up... the Hitler comment. Oh. My. God. I spent like two minutes just laughing and saying this out loud. I mean, how did you come up with this? In yet another Skype reminiscent thought: the character relationships. Damn. I mean, just damn. I get confused half the time with just the ones I know (and I do know a few ahead of time since I'm the sounding board or something [side note: consider charging a premium or hourly fee for services]) which is quite an accomplishment. In that vein, yay for the Atlas! My life got a shred easier. Now, drumroll please... My "Character gets Strangled for Pissing Me Off Award" goes to... Cronus Aporon! HOLY FUCKING JESUS BABY WHAT IS THIS SORCERY!?!??! I know. It's a shock. Its not Reika. I'll just take my leave and let that sink in.
    Currently looking for help with a web project. If interested in more details, please feel free to PM me!

    "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it."
    -- Narrator, Pokemon: Jirachi Wish Maker
    "You can't change the world without getting your hands dirty."
    -- Lelouch Lamperouge, Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion
    "Do I have a stamp on my forehead that says, 'The National Spokesperson for the Plight of Black People'? How the hell should I know the black perspective on The Color Purple? That's it, if I don't change classes, I'm gonna hurt this fool. Teachers treat me like I'm some kind of Rosetta stone for African-Americans. What? Black people learn how to read, and we all miraculously come to the same conclusion?"
    -- Victoria, Freedom Writers
    "N's heart is pure and innocent. But there is nothing more beautiful and terrifying than innocence."
    -- Concordia, Pokémon Black/White 2

  13. #28
    Not A Piece of Cake Bubble Frog's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

    Wish I could review more but I'm currently in class right now, anyway, let's get to work!

    Chapter 5

    I got into an argument and Pokémon battle with one of the cohorts of my...I suppose you'd call him my rival, and one of the school's most popular and well-respected battlers.
    He considers Aporon his rival? Interesting, some subtle development.

    Anyway, this was an interesting chapter, it felt smaller than usual for some reason. So real-world North America exist alongside the regions of Pokemon? So I'm guessing since the USA is here Un(nited)ov(of)a(merica) doesn't exist? But that raises the question of more things and adds more to your story. The prejudice against North Americans seems like a trigger button for Reika and a few others in this story. The speech made me think of Team Plasma from the games in a way. It really does seem like a seed was planted in Reika and she's gained a new found hatred of North America and North Americans. I'm loved how NA is portrayed as a place that treats Pokemon like normal animals.(Animals exist in your universe too? Interesting.) The healing machine used in Pokemon Centers is hatred too and isn't 100% effective in treating a Pokemon's wounds, it makes sense and love that break from canon given more severe injuries probably can't be healed in a matter of an hour or so by being popped into the healing machine. It seems Reika and Fritz as well as Thatcher will be heading out late at night. What for? That is the question. What will it lead to?

    There wasn't a huge amount to comment on in this chapter, it was fairly dialogue-heavy but I felt like the dialogue is a nice set-up for a surprise later. Good job and interesting chapter.
    Last edited by Bubble Frog; 4th February 2013 at 10:55 PM.

  14. #29
    Stray Dog Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World

    Well the atlas will help me a lot regarding the name of the teachers xD and I honestly like the way you made it out to be.

    Now first before I start up with my review: Josef GOT OWNED!!!!! that was awesome honestly xD

    Okay on to the review.

    Well plot wise there's not much to review but it's nice to get a break chapter now and again. I found the chapter to be really funny in all honesty but I did get a bit confused with all the back to back that occurred, this is mainly due to the fact that both Josef and Inara were kind of thrown in a bit too suddenly in my opinion; though I guess you can't exactly stop it from being sudden when it's done to surprise the audience as well, however I still think that having each one of the character's annoyances appear just like that was a little much.

    This doesn't mean I didn't like the chapter though, and once again I liked Aporon in this chapter simply because he seemed calmer in a way, I actually think he looks at this event as more of a job than a way to torture Fritz, though he's still guilty for letting his goons take advantage of him so much.

    Other than that it seems like the next chapter is going to be a battle one so I wish you good luck with that, though I know you can do a great job with it.

    Also I'm jealous of you a bit cause of the way your dialogue flows, the POV you use makes it really easy for that to happen as opposed to when it's done in third or first person when it depends on what the character's say or do rather than what they think.

  15. #30

    Default Re: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World


    Also, shoutouts to winning Best Alternative Story. Next chapter!


    Chapter 2-2: Enemies

    With the six of us in agreement for the plan, and already standing on opposite sides, the battlefield was effectually laid out before us. Passerbys had been slowing to see what the commotion was about; there was even a crowd of about 10-15 people watching a little ways from the sidewalk. They wouldn't have to wait long for the action.

    "Me and Scratcher will fight first." Josef laughed as he retrieved a plain Poké Ball from his belt.

    He sent out a dangerous-looking beast. A small fin ran down the length of its back, with citron bulbs bursting from either side. Its hands and feet had razor-sharp nails, curved thorns stuck out from its elbows, and even the tip of its fern-like tail was essentially a spike. While reptilian or even draconic in nature - particularly with the head in regards to the latter - its green skin was not slimy or scaly, but rather akin to foliage. Adding to that image, the aforementioned tail was a deeper emerald, and the colors of autumn came out in a brown stripe along its midsection and its lower jaw being tinted almost an orange.

    Thatcher instantly turned to me in a panic. "I don't have anything that can beat THAT!" he rasped.

    "Didn't I tell you a week ago?" I encouraged. "You have a Pokémon that might stand a chance."

    "Fritz, it's a Sceptile!" he cried. "It's a Grass type! Sandshrew won't do so well!" Well, not necessarily. If it attacks with its blades, the mouse's armored hide should give it protection regardless of type. But if it has special moves, it could be a problem. I don't know.

    "Then let's try to figure this out." I began to say, but found myself cut off.

    "Hey!" Aporon yelled. "No coaching."

    I glared at him, and shook my head. I turned to Thatcher and told him, "Just do what feels right, okay?"

    He showed great reluctance for a moment, uncertain of what to do. His hand trembled as it moved to his pocket. He stared at the blue and white ball he retrieved. Holding it to his chest for a moment, he mouthed, "Please," before tossing it at his feet.

    While the bird was not even close to the size of the reptilian creature, it was as recalcitrant as it was diffident. Its body was primarily a navy blue, although its face and throat were stamped with a red crest, and the bird's chest was a cream color. The sharpest part of its body was not its feet or its beak (which was actually somewhat dull and flat), but the dual set of rectrices that comprised its tail.

    Josef wasn't too impressed. "Just a Taillow? Come on Scratcher, you can do better than that." He breathed a sigh of reluctance, almost as if he was a little disappointed. "May as well get this over with. Sceptile, Night Slash."

    The nails of Josef's Pokémon summarily glowed with a sinister dark aura. It crouched down a little and...what? This thing is fast, there was barely enough time to think before it ran off and took a precise swipe at the little bird. The order was carried out in less than a second. Taillow managed to stay in-flight, but it had clearly taken a lot of damage from that one attack.

    "Nice one. Now hit it with Leaf Blade!" Sceptile draped its arm back, to the point of where its claw was level with the opposite arm's shoulders. The thorn on the pointed elbow shined briefly, before it dashed off.

    "Taillow, Quick Attack to escape!" Thatcher yelled, almost on impulse. Taillow spotted the approaching lizard out of the corner of its eye, but instantly rushed away, leaving Sceptile to just jab dirt.

    Josef actually smiled a little at this. "Two can play at that game. You use Quick Attack too!" His Pokémon quickly pulled its blade from the ground and sped off in pursuit, far faster than Tallow. Thatcher hollered another impulsive command.

    "Double Team and Peck!"

    I must admit, Thatcher's went and impressed me again. Maybe it's inherent in the species, but Double Team isn't a move just anything can learn. Only certain psychics, illusion users, or very quick Pokémon with good lateral movement and/or turning skills can pull it off with any consistency and effectiveness. Lines aren't too bad, but encircling is pretty strict in agility's case. Yet Taillow pulled it off. Albeit without facing the target.

    The circle began to tighten around Sceptile, and without warning, Taillow darted out and jammed its beak into the chest. Sceptile staggered back a step...but sadly, the bird was quickly swatted aside after this. Still, Josef was beginning to lose a bit of his bravado. Only a bit.

    "Keep it together." advised Aporon. Josef glared unamusedly at him, but not as intensely as I.

    "Hey, screw you!" I called out. "You said no coaching!"

    He ignored me and whispered words barely audible from where I was standing, "Stay focused, and watch out if it knows Endeavor."

    "Way to state the obvious, schoolboy." Josef mouthed, not particularly caring for the advice being given. "Sceptile, let's show'em how we do it."

    The lizard leapt into action, agilely frontflipping over Taillow, handspringing, and grappling onto one of the trees in the area. It started performing all sorts of off-the-wall acrobatic maneuvers, swinging from branch to branch with no discernible pattern. It was more confounding than any Double Team could hope to be.

    "What do I do?" asked Thatcher, again turning to me for answers. His Pokémon was fluttering about trying to find an opening of some sort, but Sceptile was just too quick.

    I thought for a second. "Does your Taillow know any Wind moves?" I asked. That might be the equalizer. A nice, strong breeze might cause that thing to crash and burn.

    But he shook his head. "No, it doesn't." Right after saying those words, it happened.

    Sceptile dashed out at lightning speed, attempting to pounce on Taillow. Taillow's reaction was swift and it was able to evade, but right after its foe landed, it chased it down with a Quick Attack. The small bird was slammed into the ground. Before anyone could react, Sceptile was right back on it. It poised its elbow, and hacked Thatcher's Pokémon right across the chest with the blade.

    "Taillow, no!" Thatcher cried.

    Josef tiredly gave his final command, "Sceptile, Thunderpunch!"

    Huh, a Grass with Thunderpunch? That's different. After the motion of the Leaf Blade, Sceptile's arm was wound all the way back. A crackle of electricity flew out from its clenched fist, sparking spectacularly as it drove it straight down into its adversary. Taillow was out like a light as soon the moment the attack hit.

    Thatcher burst into tears, running to his fallen Pokémon's side. He cradled the small bird in his arms, apologizing to it for putting it in that predicament.

    Josef had a satisfied expression on his face as he nodded to his Sceptile, before returning it to its ball. He took a preliminary step away, but thought better of it and turned back. "Eh, I'll stick around to see how Freak-Eye does." he laughed.

    Reika growled and flipped off Josef before stepping up. "Come on, Inara!" she taunted as she sent out her Wigglytuff. Indeed, it showed some recognition towards the bubbly girl. It seemed ready to go, though.

    The presence of this Pokémon was not lost on the ditzy one. "Hi, Wigglee!" she greeted, taking it slightly off-guard. The girl giggled as she retrieved a Pokémon from her holster, and let out a cuter giggle as she tossed it high into the air and onto the field.

    'Strange' would be a good way to describe this one. Its body is covered in fine fur dyed a cold blue. A few thin patches are lighter colored; perhaps partially exposing ghostly skin beneath? Its four hooves and two rumps stand in contrast to one another - the former are blocks of smooth, dirty ice, the latter are chunks of crushed, clean ice. It's almost as though it wears a combat helmet, with two straps as sharp as icicles dangling on either side. Bulky ears, a ribbony tail, and an unwavering expression were the cherries on top of this frozen delight.

    "What?" Reika's face went blank. She blinked. "H-hold on, when did you come to this school exactly?"

    "This is my first year here," a joyous Ina declared, "Just like you!"

    "Right," she said with feint sarcasm. She made a motion for Thatcher and I to huddle. "Could you excuse us?"

    "Sure thing, Reiky!"

    The three of us stood in a rough circle. Thatcher's eyes were halfway between the ground and us, clearly still disappointed about his loss. Reika threw up her arms and opened her mouth to speak, but no words emerged for about five seconds.

    "What the hell?" she whispered in a stupor. "How does she have a Glaceon?"

    "Did she evolve her Eevee already?"


    So this is an evolution of Eevee? I must say...I don't like it. And yet I feel like it's not the worst out there, at least. "I guess so." I replied, not quite following their confused logic. It doesn't matter how it evolved anyway, because she did evolve it, and it doesn't change the one constant. "Remember," I told her, "It's still a low-level Pokémon. If she evolved it already, it won't know too many moves."

    Reika seemed to want to protest this for a moment, but relented at my point. Unhuddling, she stepped back up to stare down Ina. She scoffed, "So why aren't you using your Gloom? It'd be better than that thing!"

    "Hee hee," Ina chucked as if she knew something we did not, confirmed when she bragged, "Well, he's a Bellossom now!"

    Reika crossed her arms and rolled her eyes at this. "Figures that you'd evolve it to that instead. I thought you said you wanted a Vileplume?"

    These two must really have had a history together. Towards this comment, Ina showed a mixture of delight and thought. "Well, anyway," she meekly stated, cocking her head, "I didn't want it to fight its old friend. That would just be silly! Since you're using Wigglee, I'm using Snowy!"

    "Nicknames are stupid and so are you!" Reika screamed. "Wigglytuff, Body Slam!"

    Per its trainer's command, the fluffy Pokémon took a couple steps back before bounding forth. There's no doubt in my mind that they'll do better here, especially against a lone Pokémon on the ground.

    Without missing a beat, Ina said, "Icy Wind!"

    The Glaceon opened its mouth, breathing out a wide blast of frigid air. It was cold enough to freeze the water particles in the air, visibly appearing as a mixture of snow and steam. As soon as Wigglytuff ran into the mini storm, she stopped in place and shivered in discomfort. Icy Wind isn't the most damaging move, but it really saps a foe's stamina. Not to mention, it can open it up to another attack.

    Ina wasted no time in issuing that follow-up, "Tackle, Snowy!"

    "Pound!" Reika quickly retorted. Wigglytuff managed to shake off the shock of the attack, but was unable to deck her opponent as it slammed its entire body into her. Wigglytuff went stumbling back a few meters, comically fell over while attempting to stay upright, and a cheering Ina seemed pressed to finish this off.

    "Goody goody gumdrops, Snowy! Now show them your Shadow Ball!"

    Shadow Ball?! Snowy raised the two straps on its helmet-like head and shut its eyes. It struggled briefly as the opaque globe formed between them. It was slow to come out, but Wigglytuff was slow to get up as well. It was small, but the Glaceon flicked the attack away by throwing both of the straps to its side. When the ball simply whiffed against their opponent's plushy form, the eyes of the Pokémon and its trainer went wide.

    "Ina, are you RETARDED?" Reika asked as Wigglytuff clamored to her feet and caught a stupefied Glaceon with her fist, "Don't you know Ghost-type moves have no effect on Normal-type Pokémon?"

    Josef interjected himself. "Not exactly, Freak-Eye," he pointed out, "If a Pokémon uses a Shadow Punch or Astonish, it's still gonna hit." Technically true, although irrelevant to the current battle. Certain Ghost moves, especially those physical in nature, can impact a Normal. It also works the other way around; some people don't expect say, Tri Attack or Focus Blast to affect their ghost, and get taken back when it does. Josef flashed a shit-eating grin in Aporon's general direction.

    "Whatever," Reika said, waving her hand at him, "Doubleslap!"

    Her Pokémon walked up and repeatedly swatted at their foe's face, finishing with a stylish backhand seeing Wigglytuff turning 360 degrees and walking away, and Glaceon being sent about a meter back onto its side.

    "Body Slam!"

    Again, Wigglytuff ran in to smother the form of Snowy beneath her plushy form. Again, Ina was able to stop it with two words: "Icy Wind!" Snowy raised its head and performed the move. The blast was a little more focused, putting the pink Pokémon down on its hands and feet. It instinctively went into a Defense Curl, which seemed to work.

    It didn't stop Reika from snapping, "Let's see how you like it! Mimic!" Wigglytuff stood to her feet, and her eyes briefly shined to acknowledge the technique's working. Reika smiled to herself, "Now let's give them a taste of their own medicine, Wigglytuff!"

    This blast came out from Wigglytuff's hands and belly, as opposed to the mouth. The effects weren't nearly as pronounced due to Glaceon being adapted to such temperatures; in fact, the Pokémon was able to take some slow steps to the side and quickly hop back out of range. Reika appeared ready to command another Body Slam, but Ina had something else in mind.

    "Ice Beam!" Wait, WHAT? Reika and I realized at the same moment that Ina must have been using technical machines on her Pokémon. That would explain why the Shadow Ball was as dinky as it was, and it would explain why the blue laser with a white core was only about four centimeters in diameter. Regardless, it was enough for the Glaceon to sweep the attack over its opponent's upper body.

    "Damn it," Reika cursed, "If we don't beat it fast...Mega Kick!" But her Pokémon didn't respond. It wasn't an actual freeze, but the repeated Ice attacks had numbed Wigglytuff enough to make movement difficult. Ina leaped into the air with a cheer, we only noticing she'd commanded a Tackle at the same time when Snowy ran forth and slammed into Wigglytuff. It wasn't as forceful as the last one - no doubt due to that Ice Beam having taken a lot of effort to execute - but due to its foe's stunned state, it toppled all the way over.

    With her Pokémon standing over a struggling Wigglytuff, Ina said, "Iron Tail!"

    Another move that took effort to use. The main advantage of using TMs is that learning the move is instantaneous. The main disadvantage of using TMs is that it takes longer to effectively use the move. Still, Ina must have gotten some practice in, as Snowy's tail suddenly appeared a lot more rigid. With few theatrics, it merely stood above Wigglytuff, simultaneously sitting and flinging down its tail. This was enough. Wigglytuff fell face-down and stopped moving.

    "FUCK!" screamed Reika with a stomp of her foot. She darted out her arm, clasping the ball tightly, and brought her fainted Pokémon back. She held it close to her chest for a moment with a half-groan, half-grumble, before placing it where it was.

    "Sorry," sincerely apologized Ina, a little uneasy with the situation, "If I hurt Wigglytuff, I didn't mean to."

    "Shut UP!" She was on the verge of a temper tantrum. "Just go away, already! Stop rubbing it in!"

    "I wasn't-"


    Reika just didn't want to hear what Ina had to say. Yeah. They really must've REALLY had quite the history together. Reika crossed her arms and turned away. Frowning, Ina lowered her head and sighed solemnly as she thanked and recalled her Glaceon.

    "Well, that's two out of three." I quickly said. "I guess that means you guys win."

    "Whoa, whoa, whoa." God damn it. Aporon made his intents firm and clear. "You wanted this, so you're not getting out of our match, Westmyn."

    I sighed. I really was hoping Reika and Thatcher would be good enough to take care of this matchup. I was expecting at least one of them to do well. I really didn't want to fight this guy right now. The only good part about this is that since they both lost, there's not as much pressure. "All right." I relented, expressing my minor frustration. "Double blind choice."

    "Agreed." he nodded.

    I only offered that since I know he's an experienced trainer. If he picked first, he might try to goad me into using a particular Pokémon. Whereas if I go first, he'd obviously be able to counter anyway. But I need to think about my choice, here. He's already seen Mareep, Nidorina, and maybe Tangela in action. He'll know what to expect from them. So I don't want to use those. Mareep and Eevee are out of the question. Tangela is my best Pokémon on-hand...but I can't be sure if Aporon knows what it's capable of. I mean, it's not that big a deal, but still...going in double blind, it would be what he would be expecting most of all. And that just leaves one option of what I currently have on me.

    The Pokémon I caught in the lake.

    I'm not too keen on using a Pokémon that's freshly caught, let alone something I know little to nothing about and out of its natural environment...but it looks like I have no other options at this point. The contents of this green ball with red patches may be my best shot.

    We threw out our Pokémon in sync with one another, although my higher angle made Aporon's land first. A quadruped emerged, around three feet high and five feet across. It sports puffy cream-colored cheeks, a narrow black nose, feline-like ears, and three or four dark, thick whiskers on either side of its face. Its underbelly down to the tips of the toes (that it was standing on) are an off-white color. The rest of its body is textured in a dull color that's hard to describe. It's somewhere between plum and umber. I thought it was eyeless for a moment, before it flipped its head, revealing that what I thought was a wild, jagged styling of fur was in truth a wild, jagged tail.

    Finally, I got to lay eyes upon the latest addition to my team. The first thing I noticed was its tail. Though three small spikes are on each cardinal side, the main attraction was the lustrous, protuberant lens in the center. Its backside is lined with numerous small bright-brown fins, with three larger ones in an inverted Y formation around its head. Its skin appears smooth, not slimy or scaly, and is royal blue with bright spots. And of course, there's its face. It may not be a Gyarados, but the teeth lining its mouth appear adequate and more numerous. It peered around excitedly, scanning everything around it with its ringed eyes.

    Thatcher reacted with surprise. "Is that a Huntail?"

    "Interesting choice." Aporon quipped, without a shred of impression. "Let's begin. Skuntank, LONG-RANGE NIGHT SLASH!"

    The skunk began to wave its tail about, making sure to keep it in an arc shape as it did so. Aporon gave a glare to not only me, but also to Josef. I knew what was coming in a second, and gave the preemptive command.

    "Huntail, slither away!"

    Right as I said this, a dark wave of energy materialized in the air in front of Skuntank's tail. Far different from how Sceptile used the move. As quickly as it appeared, it fired off towards where Huntail was a second prior, slicing an indentation into the dirt. Huntail didn't even wait for my next command. I like it. From its maw emerged a burst of water. Skuntank wasn't expecting this, as demonstrated by how it nearly toppled over onto its side. It quickly regained its balance and leaped for Huntail, again poised for a Night Slash, this one a short-range. Huntail once again attempted to sneak away, only to get caught on the back end.

    "Good, Skuntank." Aporon nodded. "Now follow up with Fury Swipes!"

    The skunk pulled out some pretty nasty looking claws and bore down on its opponent. Its speed was incredible. Not just how fast it got into position, but how it was able to hack away without risk of tumbling over. Each time one claw took a swipe, the other was giving the Pokémon ground support.

    It was around that time that Huntail pulled an unexpected shot. Skuntank was getting ready for one last, powerful Fury Swipe, when the eel violently swung its head. The skunk was absolutely floored by this brutal move, sent to its back with legs splayed out. Huntail laughed, delighted in its efforts.

    Aporon clenched his fists determinedly. "Get up Skuntank, and use Poison Jab!"

    Huntail was readying itself for another swing. The odds were good at it comfortably beating its foe out, but I had something else in mind. Something that might really shift this one into my favor.

    "Fall flat!" I said, motioning downward. It instantly obeyed, lying as horizontally as it possibly could. The only thing stopping it from being completely level with the ground was its bulkish head.

    Aporon seemed confounded by my choice of action. It was only when his Pokémon had reached its feet, and darted out its sickly-looking tail that the horror presented itself to him: Skuntank couldn't physically hit Huntail! "WHAT?!" he cursed, and from that, I say I'd taken a lot of his options from him. That was the good news. The bad news was, he still didn't seem too concerned, "Damn it. Skuntank, fall back! We're going to have to go on the defensive!"

    The odd-colored mammal retreated backwards at a high velocity, evading a blast in the process. Huntail tried to follow, and though it was quick in its own right, Skuntank was much quicker. It was even agile enough to easily dodge sprays of water that were spat at it while it was running off. It was trying to keep at least 15 feet away from the eel at all times. Huntail stopped to try to line up its shot.

    At that moment, Aporon pumped his fist. "Skuntank, Sludge Bomb!" A ball of goo as vile to look at as it was vile to smell began to form on the tip of its tail. When it was just larger than your average baseball, the skunk whipped its tail to fling the sphere away from itself.

    And, it missed.

    It missed by several meters, actually. Aporon was more than shocked at that development. Even like this, his Pokémon was still having difficulty hitting my low-lying Huntail. With a little less confidence he said, "Try it again. Sludge Bomb!" This time, his Pokémon had to dodge a blast of water. It did so easily enough before carrying out the attack.

    But again, it was a miss.

    Skuntank was beginning to get frustrated now. It haphazardly hurled a third without waiting for a command, which impacted violently, but WAY off course. Huntail began to laugh at it, raising itself high up and not even pretending to care. The fourth Sludge Bomb barely nicked the cocky Pokémon. Just enough to give Aporon his focus back.

    "Okay Skuntank," he determinately said, "ACID SPRAY!"

    Acid? I wonder. "Huntail, Water Gun!"

    The skunk ran in a little closer and horked up a wave of putrid bile as Huntail spat out a stream of dihydrogen monoxide. Everyone watching went slackjawed as the two liquids made contact. Even Aporon was trying to figure out what in the hell just happened. To me, it was simple. When you add water to acid, the latter splashes back. And in this case, it would splash right back at the source! Or in this case, Skuntank! Science rules!

    The effects of this ludicrous stunt were immediate - Skuntank, upon being soaked in the liquid intended for Huntail, began screeching in agony, rolling, scratching, trying ANYTHING to try to reduce the pain. None of it seemed to be working, and in the confusion we had a massive opening to exploit...through Clamp! I gave the order, but I'm not even sure if the others heard what I had said until Huntail sleeked in and chomped down, digging right into Skuntank's wounds.

    "Whoa." Reika said. This is the first time I've managed to amaze her. I smiled a little on the inside.

    "That was amazing!" Yet Thatcher was in complete awe. More than I'd ever seen him in. Even Ina and Josef seemed impressed, the latter being far more reluctant to show it than the former.

    "Skuntank..." Aporon growled, his voice trailing off as he tried to figure out what he could do...if anything! But there's not much he can do! His Pokémon is pained, and has a deep sea serpent biting viciously into its flesh. He talked to himself as his Pokémon flailed, desperately trying to shake off its foe, before saying the coherent words, "Skuntank, Focus Energy!"

    I wondered what he was up to in trying that. A Pokémon who uses Focus Energy tenses up, so that it can...wait, he's not going to try to get it off with that, is he? That could be trouble.

    Luck was on my side, though. Even with the increased vigor, it still was unable to shake Huntail. The blue Pokémon kept its grip as Skuntank thrashed harder and harder. It rolled around on the ground, and it still held on. So Skuntank stopped. It irritably glared up at my Pokémon, shifting all its weight to the side. All at once, it shifted the other way, and then back, aiming to throw off its adversary in one powerful motion. This almost did it. Huntail squinted as it barely managed to keep its grip, being rewarded for its efforts by proceeding to whip into its smelly opponent. The skunk yelped as it was lashed across the side.

    I know that it can't keep this up forever - sooner or later, Aporon or Skuntank is going to figure a counter to this. But I know something else too - a crazy idea just came to me.

    "Water Gun! As hard as you can!"

    Huntail struggled to carry out this command, but once it did, the results were even more spectacular than its previous use, if that can be believed. When the water managed to make its way out of Huntail's throat, two things happened. From being blasted at such a close range, Skuntank ended up completely drenched, looking akin to a drowned rat. It didn't take too well to this, and immediately began shaking wildly again, this time to dry itself. Better, but less observed is what happened to Huntail. The force of its own attack sent it spiralling off Skuntank, through the air and into the thicket.

    Nobody could believe what was happening. I could hardly believe it. I can name only one, maybe two other instances where I was able to get a handle on a freshly caught Pokémon so soon after capture. And I was just taking it to this so-called expert trainer!

    I saw where my Pokémon had landed. No one else did. Both Pokémon and trainer were looking out furiously for Huntail. On a whim, Aporon turned and pointed. "There!" he said, causing Skuntank to use another long-range Night Slash. It sliced apart the rustling grass...but it was only the wind.

    I'd been keeping track of Huntail's position. It wanted to do something, but I raised my palm. "Wait for the signal." I whispered to it.

    "Just what do you think you're doing?" inquired Aporon, clearly starting to become impatient. "Skuntank, flush it out with a Smog attack!" For a second, it looked like his Pokémon was going to take a leak right there, but instead, it let out a plume of foul gas. It fanned with its tail to spread the green and brown cloud over much of the tall grass, but nothing within started choking.

    Aporon seemed to be thinking about this. He couldn't tell if Huntail had resisted the move or if it was somewhere else. I knew it was the latter myself, but he had that uncertainty. His Pokémon cautiously approached. Both seemed uncertain of how to handle it, until Aporon solemnly nodded.

    "It'd be irresponsible to use Flamethrower," he quietly commented, in a way that said that even if he did, he would put it out afterwards. It's what I would've threatened, for the record. But he had a different plan in mind, "So let's hack that thicket to pieces with a Night Slash!"

    I gave the signal at that moment, not giving him that chance. Huntail sprang out of the bush next to Skuntank. It slammed its head viciously into its adversary's side. This sent it reeling, and a swinging Headbutt sent it rolling several feet away. Huntail focused for a brief second, before spitting out a throbbing ring of fluid. Aporon's Pokémon saw this Water Pulse as it stood up, but it couldn't do a thing about it. The attack sent it back onto its side, again covered in water.

    "THAT'S ENOUGH!" Aporon shouted, now permeating a disposition that caused Ina and Josef to take a step away from him. "I have had enough of your little charade! Do you honestly think you're doing anything? Do you seriously think you can beat me?!"

    "I think I'm-" I began, bold to his unexpected change in disposition, but was cut off.

    "No! You don't think!" This was a different side of him. It wasn't like the anger he had when I first met him. This was a deathly serious wrath. "I told you before, you are nothing compared to me. You are still way out of my league, Westmyn! It's time to end your delusions. This battle ends now!"

    "Fine, we'll end it!" I fired back. "Huntail, WATER PULSE!"

    "I don't think so. Skuntank, POX STRIKE!!!"

    Oh shit.

    "Huntail, get out of there!"

    Skuntank's tail began to emanate a sickly aura. It wasn't quite like Smog, and it wasn't like when it used Poison Jab either...this was something else entirely. With this, it raced forward at a speed never seen once in the battle before. Huntail was moving to escape...but it was just moving too slowly. Skuntank thrust its tail forth like a dagger. A solid and clean hit just under the tail, and another on side of the head,. Huntail was sent spinning into the air, and unlike the last time, it was screeching in pain and on a much more dangerous course.

    "It's over. VENOSHOCK!"

    In a split second, little violet bolts of lightning materialized around the airborne Huntail. In a split second, they collapsed inwards. After that, Huntail crashed into a tree and flopped down.

    What the hell?

    I did everything right! How the hell did he do that? And I know Water isn't the most directly harmful attacking type, but how the hell is that skunk standing as if it were nothing? How? How? HOW? Did I do worse than I thought? What the HELL?

    "Thank you, Skuntank. You did good." Aporon turned. "You made me do that, Westmyn. You forced my hand. That takes effort, I'll admit that much, but it got you nowhere in the end. Now, I think you'll agree with me when I said that's enough of a lesson for today. What I want you to do now is that you think about this defeat. Think about what happened in that battle and work to improve on your problems. Because if you don't, you'll stay where you stand forever. I expect better things from you by the end of the week or when school reopens, whichever comes first. But until then."
    Don't know what to put here.

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