starsin and rugthor

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Thread: starsin and rugthor

  1. #1
    Registered User glorphendell's Avatar
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    Default starsin and rugthor

    this is my adventure so far in dungeons and dragons so far thought you'd like it as a fan fic.

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    Starsin slowly walked up to the fort to which he'd been staying for several months now as a mercenary.As he reached the gate the gueards slowly rasied it.Starsin greeted them with a hardy hello and ran his fingers threw his red beard and the threw his wild mane of red hair.


    Starsin then saw the man who had been following him a for a while now when ever he came into town the man started to follow him every step of the way.Today something felt strange about the man diffrent than usally.As starsin walked into a bar the man followed.Starsin ordered a large mug of ale, the man sat in the corner of the bar doing nothing but staring.


    finnaly after an hour of drinking and several very generous pinches on the bottom of the waitress the wizard confronted starsin.The man spoke in a raspy voice and said to Starsin "my name is Rugthor, Magi of the chelandre tribe im very well skilled in thje arts of the magic, and i'd like to join you as a mercenary. In a light hearted (partialy drunk) voice starsin answered "why'd would you want to do that"."well i'm interested in an artifact in the catacombs about 2 days journey from here, and i hoped you would join me on the ques to find it" Rugthor whispered."i have but one question before i accept or decline"starsin said in a sing song voice."and what would that be" asked rugthor "will there be any monsters to slay with my mighty battle axe"starsin said in a real low real quite voice."there will be tons,you may never even return.You may very well die at the hands of one of these monster."rughtor said. Starsin only said three words "i'll do it'.


  2. #2
    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    Default Re: starsin and rugthor

    What are "gueards"?

    Please space after every sentence. It's still a separation of words, after all. And for the love of Pete, start a new paragraph for every time a different person talks.

    There's almost no characterization here, and it's the cliched D&D intro of "everyone meets at a tavern".

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