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    My life is forbidden Serenity's Avatar
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    Default The Sinnoh Journey: Carly's Story

    Hey guys, and um...welcome to my story. Honestly, one of the main reasons I decided to write this story was because I was wanting something to do to keep my brain working while I was on summer break. This also helps me before going into my English II and Creative Writing classes in the upcoming Fall semester. I'm going to be honest here; I don't think this anything really special nor do I claim it to be. This is, however, the first Pokemon fic that I've ever really sat down and tried to write. God knows @Stellar Haze; knew what hell I was putting on myself mentally, trying to get the first chapter down. I am pretty proud of myself. I just hope you guys enjoy it too. While it is mostly an E rated story, I rated it Teen for future chapters as there will more than likely be swearing, blood, light sexual content, and so forth.

    So, without further ado, here's Chapter 1.




    Chapter One


    A cold, winter night was upon Snowpoint City, in the land of Sinnoh. The sun was beginning to slumber as the moon was beginning to awake. Gentle snowflakes fell onto the snow covered rooftops and trees. The wild Pokémon were having their last frolic of fun before it was time to go to sleep. There wasn’t a human in sight, as they were all in their homes, safe and warm. In one particular home, a sixteen year old girl was sitting on her bed as she looked out of her large bedroom window. She tucked a strand of her amber colored hair behind her ear as she sighed happily and closed her emerald green eyes for a brief second.

    “It won’t be long now,” she whispered to herself happily as she opened her eyes, “Tomorrow is when I’m going to start my Pokémon journey. I don’t know what’s going to be beyond these snow-filled mountains, but I can’t be scared. I have to do this!” She stood up, showing her pale pink button-up pajama top, and matching pajama pants. She walked over to her lamp and turned it off, making her room almost black. The walls that were once white and pure were now masked by the night. The only evidence of light was the bright full moon. The girl walked back to her bed and crawled under her periwinkle hued bed sheets and looked out her window once more before closing her eyes.


    *****************************


    “Carly! Wake up!” A voice called to her as the girl’s bedroom door was open. A woman in her mid-thirties was standing there. The woman had dark, chocolate brown hair that was the pixie haircut; Pale blue eyes, fair skin, and rosy lips that were curved into a small smile. Carly yawned and rubbed her eyes as she sat up in bed. Her hair was a mess as it was frizzy and tangled, and the beginning of dark circles were making their appearance under her eyes. She looked up at the older woman and stretched her arms, following another yawn.

    “Is it really that time already, mom?” Carly asked as she got out of bed and sluggishly dragged her feet over to her closet. She opened her closet door and looked at her clothes before turning to her mother. “I feel like I had just fallen asleep when you came and woke me up.” Her mother chuckled before walking into the bedroom. She walked over and grabbed a backpack and set it on her daughter’s bed.

    “That’s how it always is for new trainers,” her mother replied as she sat down on the bed, “When I was just beginning my Pokémon journey, I didn’t sleep at all the night before. I had to survive by drinking plenty of coffee and getting a few shocks from Patchy and Mimi to keep me awake.” Carly would’ve let out a small giggle if she was more awake and alert. She let out a small groan before grabbing a dark green shirt that had short sleeves, black skinny jeans, and her white tennis-shoes. She walked over and laid them on her bed and motioned for her mother to leave the room.

    “Let me change and finish packing,” she groggily responded, “I’ll meet you downstairs.” Her mother chuckled and shook her head before standing up and exiting Carly’s room, shutting the door behind her. Once she heard the door shut, Carly sighed and began getting dressed into her clothes and packing her things. The realization of what was about to happen had excited the young teen, and it seemed to give her a burst of energy. She could hear her mother downstairs turning on the TV before walking into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Carly changed out of her pajamas and into her outfit she had picked out while half-asleep. She quickly gathered everything she would need and magically fit it inside her medium-sized backpack. She brushed out her medium length amber hair until it was tangle free. Finally, she began applying makeup to her fair skin. Once she was finished, she put on her plum purple winter coat and her backpack before walking out of her room and down the stairs. As Carly was walking down the stairs, she heard her mother open the door and a guy’s voice. It could easily be recognized as a teen’s voice. Carly tried to sneak down the stairs to see who it was, but due to her poor footing and general clumsiness, tumbled down the stairs and landed on her stomach. She looked up to see her mother looking at her, and a boy standing beside her. The boy was unfamiliar to Carly. He had a deeper color of peach in his skin, dark brown eyes, and he wore a navy blue beret to hide his dark brown hair. He was wearing a large navy blue and white coat, dark wash jeans, and dark colored tennis shoes.

    “Being nosy as usual,” Carly’s mother sighed in disappointment, “Stand up and introduce yourself to Lucas. He’s Professor Rowan’s assistant, and the two are visiting Lake Acuity. It appears that three of Rowan’s Pokémon escaped from their Pokeballs and are hiding about in Snowpoint. While the Chimchar and Turtwig were found safe and sound, the final one is still missing.” While hearing this, Carly picked herself off of the floor and dusted herself off. Lucas seemed shy and nervous as he looked at her. He gulped and tried his best to look Carly in the eyes.

    “I was told that the last Pokémon was somewhere around here, so I came to see if anyone living here had spotted it,” Lucas started, “Professor Rowan is going to kill me when he finds out I lost Piplup!” Carly frowned as she looked at the boy. She felt the urge to help him look for the Pokémon, even if it meant delaying her plans to start her journey. She smiled and nodded eagerly as she walked towards the door.

    “I’ll help you look for Piplup,” she responded, “Just show me where you lost it, and we’ll start there.” Lucas smiled brightly as he ran for the door. The two teens were greeted by a burst of frigid winter air blowing ever so slightly. It had still been snowing from the previous night, so the ground had been given a new coat of the powdered snow. Lucas began leading Carly in the direction towards the Pokémon Gym.

    “I was told that Piplup was around here somewhere,” he explained, “I just hope the little guy didn’t head for the Snowpoint Temple. Professor Rowan told me that only the toughest trainers in the Sinnoh region had access to it.” Carly silently nodded as she looked around for any clues of the missing Pokémon. There wasn’t a footprint in sight, nor a cry to be heard. Carly pondered on how to go about finding the small chick. Suddenly, an idea popped into her head.

    “Lucas, do you have any Pokémon with you?” Carly asked, “Maybe your Pokémon could help look as well.” Lucas grabbed a Pokeball from his belt and enlarged it before releasing the Pokémon it contained. It was a small, orange primate. It appeared to have tufts of fur that resembled fire on the top of its head, and a small fire blazing from the rear. It jumped up and down excitedly as its dark brown eyes looked up at its trainer. Carly seemed to like the red markings around the Pokémon’s eyes.

    “Your Chimchar is cute,” Carly commented which caused the starter to giggle and hide behind Lucas’ legs. Lucas chuckled slightly as he patted the Chimchar’s head.

    “Thanks,” he replied before looking down at his starter, “Now Chimchar, I need you to help me look for Piplup. If you catch any sign of it, please tell us okay?”

    “Char!” Chimchar exclaimed with excitement. He climbed up Lucas’ arm and perched itself on top of his left shoulder.
    “Now, let’s get to looking for Pip--,” Carly was distracted by a grown man running towards them at lightning speed. He hid behind a nearby pine tree and stared towards the group before running to hide behind another tree. Carly tilted her head in confusion. “Who in Arceus’ green earth is that, and why is he acting like a weirdo, hiding behind the trees and all of that jazz?” Lucas’ legs began quivering in fear as he looked at the man. The man had heard Carly mention him and he froze in place. He turned around slowly and looked at the two teens.

    “How…did you know?!” he screamed, “How did you know that I was a member of the international police!?” he pointed his finger accusingly at Carly and Lucas as he ran towards them. He was dressed in a dark brown trench coat, and darker brown work suit. His jet black hair was practically free of any snowflakes, and his charcoal colored hair.

    “Uh…are you on crack?” Carly asked bluntly in a confused yet annoyed tone. She was going to say more, but the man had cut her off once again.

    “Did you perhaps sense that I was someone extraordinary?!” the man accused, “Or did you perhaps see a Piplup following my every move!” suddenly, a Piplup stuck its head out of the man’s trench coat pocket. Lucas gasped and sighed in relief as he pulled out a Pokeball and walked towards the man.

    “Thank you so much,” he spoke with much gratitude, “I’ve been looking for Piplup ever since it escaped its Pokeball earlier today. Now, Professor Rowan doesn’t have to know that I lost any of his Pokémon.” He returned the small penguin into the Pokeball before any more harm could be done, and smiled at the man. The Man rubbed his chin and snapped his fingers.

    “Are you perhaps Professor Rowan’s assistant?!” the man exclaims, “Of course you are! The Looker never misses a detail! Why? THE LOOKER KNOWS ALL!” Lucas flinched at the volume of Looker’s voice while Chimchar screeched and unleashed a few stray Embers to try and mute the strange character. The Looker didn’t move a muscle and merely blew the flames away with the wave of his hand. Carly seemed to be getting annoyed with the shenanigans of this ‘Looker’. An over-exaggerated groan was forced from her lips as she looked at him.

    “Just get to the freaking point already!” Carly shouted in a bout of annoyance and frustration. She was getting impatient, and wanted to get her journey started. The Looker turned his gaze to Carly and nodded, his expression not changing.

    “Certainly,” The Looker replied, “I’m here investigating Snowpoint Temple, and the possibility of Team Galactic snooping about. We’re afraid that they might try to revive the legendary Regigigas, and cause chaos in order for the new world to be built. However, I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must take my leave. Farewell.” In an instant, he bolted in the direction of the temple. Carly, Lucas, and Chimchar sighed in relief once the international police member had left their sights. Lucas looked down at the Pokeball containing Piplup and put it in his backpack. He smiled at Carly; his eyes were full of gratitude.

    “Thank you,” he spoke, “Even if we didn’t find Piplup ourselves, it was very kind of you to offer your assistance. Now I can return to Professor Rowan.” His last sentence was cut short when he heard a coughing noise. He froze in place, and his eyes were widened; his face, a ghastly pale. He nervously turned around to see an elderly gentleman looking down on him. His shoulder length shaggy hair, and rather large moustache gave him an intimidating appearance. Carly looked at the man in shock and awe. She immediately recognized the man as none other than Professor Rowan himself.

    “Find Piplup you say?” Professor Rowan spoke, “I assume he escaped from his Pokeball again?” Lucas turned around nervously and nodded. Chimchar, however, smiled and waved at the professor.

    “Yes sir…” Lucas stuttered nervously as his lips quivered, “The other Turtwig and Chimchar escaped as well…but I found them…Carly here helped me with Piplup…” Professor Rowan looked deep into Carly’s eyes. While she felt intimidated at first, she did her best not to let either Lucas or Professor Rowan see it. She didn’t know what Rowan was doing, but she assumed that she would either get a thank you or nothing at all. After a few tense moments, Rowan’s eyes relaxed as he took his stare off of her and back onto Lucas.

    “That’s how it is then…” he mumbled before clearing his throat, “Lucas, show her Turtwig, Piplup, and Chimchar. As a thank you for helping look for Piplup, I’m allowing her to have one of the Pokémon I have with me.” Lucas gasped slightly before quickly nodding and gathering the three Pokeballs from his backpack. He sent out the three Pokémon within the balls. Piplup chirped boldly and began prancing around in the freshly fallen snow. Chimchar looked around before shyly running behind Carly’s leg and hugging it. Turtwig merely yawned and looked up at the three people before curling up and falling asleep. Carly was flabbergasted and it was evident by her mouth hanging open. She couldn’t believe what was happening at this point, but it was very apparent that she was caught off-guard.

    “Are you sure?” Carly asked once more, making sure she wasn’t going insane. Rowan nodded approvingly, following her question. Suddenly, her shock turned to excitement and joy as she looked at Turtwig and Piplup. She seemed to find Turtwig quite adorable with his gluttony while she liked Piplup’s bold personality and love for snow. Finally, she looked down at the Chimchar. When she looked at it, she immediately felt some type of connection as if destiny had brought the two together to be partners. The Chimchar nervously looked up at Carly, tears falling from its grey eyes. She bent forward and picked up the small primate, and held it close in her arms. Rowan merely nodded as he motioned for Lucas to return Turtwig and Piplup. Nodding, Lucas did as he was told and returned the two Pokémon.

    “It seems you and Chimchar already have formed some type of bond,” Rowan noted as he broke the silence. Carly looked at Rowan before looking at the Chimchar, who was still timid and frightened. It shivered as it rested against her chest. A warm smile appeared on Carly’s face as she looked at Rowan.

    “It appears so,” she remarked as she stroked the Chimchar’s tufts of fur. “Her name is Fajra*.” Fajra looked up at Carly and curved her mouth into a small smile, showing that she approved of her name. Rowan nodded once again before looking at Lucas.

    “I think it’s time we headed back to the Pokémon Center,” he announced, “We need to rest before our ship ride back to Sandgem town this evening. Treat Fajra with lots of love, Carly.” With that, Rowan and Lucas retreated and headed for the Pokémon Center. Carly stood there and looked at Fajra, who seemed to slowly stop shivering.

    “Well Fajra, it looks like we’ll be starting this journey together,” Carly said with enthusiasm, “This is going to be one hell of an adventure. Are you ready?”

    “Chimchar,” Fajra replied timidly.


    ==============================================================

    Notes:
    *Esperanto name meaning fiery (Fajra).

    ==============================================================



    Well, this is the end of Chapter One. Hopefully you guys enjoyed it, and I will see you guys again for Chapter two. :)

  2. #2
    We'll Have So Much Fun Enzap's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Sinnoh Journey: Carly's Story

    A great start! I liked spastic Looker. I thought Carly was going to pick Piplup since so much emphasis was being placed on it. What a twist!

  3. #3
    Follow The Freezing Moon Orion's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sinnoh Journey: Carly's Story

    Too long, didn't read. I'm sure it was great though (=

  4. #4
    Stray Dog Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Sinnoh Journey: Carly's Story

    Well like I said it was good considering that not only is it your first fic but first time writing like this. While it has the basic starting signs of a journey fic the fact that you had it take place in Snowpoint does give it an air of difference, as Snowpoint already has a gym to begin with.

    That being said I think that the chapter might've moved a little too quick, at some parts it felt like things moved along and went about in the blink of an eye, like Carly and Lucas looking for Piplup. Another thing is that you should space your paragraphs more, this is only option of course but this way they don't turn into large blocks of text.

    I liked the chapter :) though chapter 2 is the real test now xD

  5. #5
    My life is forbidden Serenity's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sinnoh Journey: Carly's Story

    Thanks, everyone.

    Chapter 2 is going to be late, as my grandma just got put in the hospital. I need to deal with my irl things first. Hope you guys understand. :(

  6. #6

    Default Re: The Sinnoh Journey: Carly's Story

    I think that I'll be following this!

    I do have a couple suggestions though, if that's okay with you.

    It's just the length of it. I'm not complaining either way, but I'm taking into note both of the two observations above me. Stellar Haze commented that things went by too fast, while Syxx said that it looked too long. Like Stellar Haze commented on, it's just the appearance that was throwing some people away from reading it. Walls of texts tend to offset the reader, making the reader less likely to follow through with the reading. Even if you have thin and easy amounts of content and description that are all compiled into several large text blocks, it's going to turn the reader away. That being said, the opposite is just as true; smaller blocks of text, even with more description and depth, are going to attract the reader's attention more than massive walls.

    Another thing that not as many people will catch on is where you split your paragraphs. You're pretty good about it, as is everybody around these parts, but I spotted a couple things that could have been done differently. This would also help with splitting up the large text blocks that I mentioned before. Anyways, I'm just going to point out a few, just so you can see what I'm talking about specifically.

    “Certainly,” The Looker replied, “I’m here investigating Snowpoint Temple, and the possibility of Team Galactic snooping about. We’re afraid that they might try to revive the legendary Regigigas, and cause chaos in order for the new world to be built. However, I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must take my leave. Farewell.” In an instant, he bolted in the direction of the temple. Carly, Lucas, and Chimchar sighed in relief once the international police member had left their sights. Lucas looked down at the Pokeball containing Piplup and put it in his backpack. He smiled at Carly; his eyes were full of gratitude.
    Should be:

    “Certainly,” The Looker replied, “I’m here investigating Snowpoint Temple, and the possibility of Team Galactic snooping about. We’re afraid that they might try to revive the legendary Regigigas, and cause chaos in order for the new world to be built. However, I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must take my leave. Farewell.” In an instant, he bolted in the direction of the temple.

    Carly, Lucas, and Chimchar sighed in relief once the international police member had left their sights. Lucas looked down at the Pokeball containing Piplup and put it in his backpack. He smiled at Carly; his eyes were full of gratitude.

    And this:

    “Let me change and finish packing,” she groggily responded, “I’ll meet you downstairs.” Her mother chuckled and shook her head before standing up and exiting Carly’s room, shutting the door behind her. Once she heard the door shut, Carly sighed and began getting dressed into her clothes and packing her things. The realization of what was about to happen had excited the young teen, and it seemed to give her a burst of energy. She could hear her mother downstairs turning on the TV before walking into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Carly changed out of her pajamas and into her outfit she had picked out while half-asleep. She quickly gathered everything she would need and magically fit it inside her medium-sized backpack. She brushed out her medium length amber hair until it was tangle free. Finally, she began applying makeup to her fair skin. Once she was finished, she put on her plum purple winter coat and her backpack before walking out of her room and down the stairs. As Carly was walking down the stairs, she heard her mother open the door and a guy’s voice. It could easily be recognized as a teen’s voice. Carly tried to sneak down the stairs to see who it was, but due to her poor footing and general clumsiness, tumbled down the stairs and landed on her stomach. She looked up to see her mother looking at her, and a boy standing beside her. The boy was unfamiliar to Carly. He had a deeper color of peach in his skin, dark brown eyes, and he wore a navy blue beret to hide his dark brown hair. He was wearing a large navy blue and white coat, dark wash jeans, and dark colored tennis shoes.
    Should be changed to this:

    “Let me change and finish packing,” she groggily responded, “I’ll meet you downstairs.”

    Her mother chuckled and shook her head before standing up and exiting Carly’s room, shutting the door behind her.

    Once she heard the door shut, Carly sighed and began getting dressed into her clothes and packing her things. The realization of what was about to happen had excited the young teen, and it seemed to give her a burst of energy. She could hear her mother downstairs turning on the TV before walking into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Carly changed out of her pajamas and into her outfit she had picked out while half-asleep. She quickly gathered everything she would need and magically fit it inside her medium-sized backpack. She brushed out her medium length amber hair until it was tangle free. Finally, she began applying makeup to her fair skin. Once she was finished, she put on her plum purple winter coat and her backpack before walking out of her room and down the stairs.

    As Carly was walking down the stairs, she heard her mother open the door and a guy’s voice. It could easily be recognized as a teen’s voice. Carly tried to sneak down the stairs to see who it was, but due to her poor footing and general clumsiness, tumbled down the stairs and landed on her stomach. She looked up to see her mother looking at her, and a boy standing beside her. The boy was unfamiliar to Carly. He had a deeper color of peach in his skin, dark brown eyes, and he wore a navy blue beret to hide his dark brown hair. He was wearing a large navy blue and white coat, dark wash jeans, and dark colored tennis shoes.

    With that aside, I can say that, overall, I liked it. Carly is a very nice character, and I'm looking forward to all of her adventures with Fajra. That's a wonderful name, by the way! I'll be eagerly looking for the next chapter!

    PS: Best of wishes to your grandmother. I totally understand it, so take as much time as you need.

  7. #7
    Clarion of Revelations Feliciano's Avatar Social Media Editor
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    Default Re: The Sinnoh Journey: Carly's Story

    Your grandmother will be in my prayers, Octy.

    I'm so sorry I didn't get to this sooner! You've got a really great start here, and I'm looking forward to reading more. Your descriptions of Snowpoint City are really beautiful, and immediately got me interested in what was going to happen. I also really like Carly - her blunt, cheerful klutziness made me chuckle.

    While I don't think that things necessarily moved too fast, they do keep up a brisk pace, which is good. The beginning of a journey fic is always slow, so I understand wanting to get through the boring stuff as soon as possible. I think Princess Crow had some good suggestions regarding splitting up paragraphs, and just doing that should help with any length or pacing issues quite a bit.

    Looking forward to chapter 2! <3
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