9th May 2011, 12:36 AM #1
The Silver Wind - Rated PG
Summary: May Birch had become the champion of the Hoenn Pokemon League. After two year out of the region, she has come back. She met a fellow trainer she thought she would never even remember.
Hey kids. How is everyone tonight? So I bring you a couple of stories. They suck. I want to make them better. Help me do this. This is a story I was struck with the idea for a couple of years back and wrote a few chapters of. It's hardly anything I can be proud of, though, but I like the idea and I want to make it better.
Help me do this. Be critical. Be brutal. Or just be helpful.
Thank you for your time. And enjoy~
Jeffery sat down in the soft, dewy grass and took off his backpack. He checked on the egg he was carefully incubating. He had kept his pokemon in the day care center near Mauville City when he had been in the hospital in Rustboro City after suffering from a bad case of the flu. He didn't know how he had contracted the virus – he kept a great deal of distance from people as often as he could – but it sure put him in the hospital for four days. Luckily his friend had taken his pokemon to the day care center. But when he had gotten his pokemon back, he also unexpectedly received a pokemon egg that was believed to be from his two masquerain.
Now, he was sure it was close to hatching. He had had the egg for over two months now. He was getting excited about what it would be.
He took out some pokemon food he would occasionally get from his friend and released his three pokemon – two masquerain and a surskit – and fed them. He watched them as they ate happily. He loved his pokemon so much…it was almost crazy. He was often call a "bug maniac" for having three surskit. That was when he had three surskit. Now, he barely met anyone, thus no one called him a "bug maniac." He didn't like people much, and tried to avoid them as much as possible. However, the training his pokemon got from trainer battles was essential, so he was forced at least that much human contact, but he'd do anything for his pokemon, even talk to someone.
Hell, it was amazing he had a friend.
As he ate his simple breakfast of some fruit he had bought the night before, he noticed a girl who looked about a year younger than himself. He watched from the corner of his eye, wondering if she was a trainer and if she would challenge him. At first he thought she looked familiar. Then it hit him: she was May Birch, the girl trainer who had beaten the champion if the Hoenn Pokemon League. He had watched the match on TV at his friend's house. Hell, he had battled the girl once, but he barely remembered the battle. She had beaten him good, though.
He lowered his head and continued to eat his breakfast. He hoped she wouldn't recognize him. He had just been some trainer she had beaten a long time ago. Surely she wouldn't remember him. Besides him, Piccolo, his surskit, nudged against his side, her eyes on his fruit. He gave her a small piece, then shared the rest with his two masquerain. The bug pokemon were happy with their extra breakfast treat and, with his pokemon full for now, Jeffery returned them to their respective pokeballs.
The girl was approaching him. He wondered if he'd be able to duck out of sight before she got to him, but he figured that was childish. He just didn't want to have his pokemon get beaten like before. And if this girl could beat the champion, she surely could beat his two masquerain and surskit, especially if she had a flying pokemon.
She did have a flying pokemon. A swellow, if he wasn't mistaken. It had taken down his pokemon easily, almost with no effort.
But that was back when he had three surskit.
Now maybe he had a slight chance of beating the girl. Maybe he could just pull it off. He had developed his team with the greatest care. Sure, he basically had three of the same kind of pokemon, but each was raised with a different purpose in mind. Piccolo was his strongest pokemon, despite having never evolved. She was his first pokemon, also. Her move pool was strategically set to throw the opponent off, then attack with great power.
Above all, she knew Ice Beam. Bird pokemon were weak to ice-type attacks.
Yes, maybe. Just maybe he'd have a shot at May Birch's well-rounded team. He knew some of the other pokemon she carried. He had seen them in battle of TV. She had a camerupt. Camerupt were, if he was not mistaken, both ground and fire-types. Double weak to water-type attacks, which Piccolo had. May Birch also held a sceptile, which was a pure grass-type, perfect prey for bug-types. But what were her other pokemon? He was certain she didn't only have three pokemon. He had seen a fourth one on TV. What was it?
He couldn't remember, and he didn't like that uncertainty. But before he could have a chance to think of it, May Birch was standing right in front of him. He looked up at her. She looked a lot different than he remembered, but she had changed in the two years since her great victory in the Hoenn League.
"Good morning," she greeted friendlily. Jeffery stood up quickly, not bothering to dust off the dirt on the back of his pants.
"…You want a battle?" he asked, not even bothering to return the greeting. He saw them superfluous, unnecessary, especially if they were to battle. He had been mentally preparing for this.
"I was actually just going to ask the time," she said. "My pokenav's battery needs to be charged. But if you want to battle, sure."
Jeffery could have cried out loud at that moment. He should have just kept his big mouth shut. The girl didn't even want a battle in the first place! And now he had just talked himself into one.
He decided he'd be unable to reverse his mistake. He just had to live through it. He was prepared, except for one thing: he had no idea what her other pokemon were. He didn't like that risk. But there was no point in complaining about it now.
He clutched Piccolo's pokeball. Just as he was about to release her, May suddenly said, "Have we battled before?"
Jeffery had to keep a tight grip on Piccolo's pokeball to stop himself from throwing it out. "I don't know," he simply stated. He just wanted to get this over with! He had never known of a battle he had ever dreaded like he did this one.
"You look really familiar," she said.
"Can we just battle?" It took most of his will power not have yelled the last sentence. But all the same, May looked startled at his rather rude question. He didn't apologize, though. He wasn't sorry for being rude. He had a good excuse.
"Alright," May said quietly. She took out a pokeball from her belt and threw it up into the air, releasing just what Jeffery both feared and expected: swellow.
Jeffery released Piccolo quickly. He hoped his plan would work. He had maybe one shot with Piccolo, and he couldn't afford to waste it.
He looked at the large bird that stood calmly in front of Piccolo. He felt his palms get sweaty. This happened often when he battled – the excitement of battle would just make his palms sweat and his blood would surge through his veins. It was a weird feeling, but he didn't care. He liked it. It was the main reason he had decided to become a pokemon trainer in the first place.
But just as he was about to tell Piccolo his first command, he heard a strange sound. He turned around to see the egg, carefully settled in its portable incubator his friend had given him, was moving. His gaze didn't leave the egg until he saw the first crack. Then, he completely forgot the battle and ran straight to the egg and very carefully took it out from the incubator.
May Birch ran to his side and the two of them stared at the light blue egg as the small crack grew to about four inches. Jeffery's already increasing heart rate surged as he impatiently waited for his new pokemon to hatch. He was completely oblivious of May Birch kneeling at his side. Piccolo had joined him at his other side and watched curiously as the egg's crack grew another inch, then stopped completely.
Jeffery, May Birch, Piccolo and even May's swellow were all watching the egg intently. Any passerby would think the sight peculiar, but to those four, this was a sight to rival any sight they had seen. Unbeknownst to Jeffery, this was the first time May had ever seen a pokemon hatch, but it was something she had in common with Jeffery.
Another crack began about three inches away from the first crack, and it slid along the shell until it met with the first. When the two cracks intersected, a tiny little blue speck poked through. Jeffery had recognized that particular shade of blue: it was the same blue that every surskit shared.
Jeffery couldn't help but smile as he watched his fourth surskit hatch from its egg.
Last edited by Simon Alexander; 9th May 2011 at 10:08 AM.
Reason: chapter heading
9th May 2011, 01:25 AM #2
Re: The Silver Wind - Rated PG
Firstly, good job! This was a nice, well written fic, and I enjoyed reading it. I only have one qualm though. It's a bit short. But apart from that, well done. Is this going to be a series?
9th May 2011, 08:48 AM #3
not broken, just bent
Re: The Silver Wind - Rated PG
This was a nice, little piece of literature. Good job! Is this going to be series? Because it seems a bit too short if not.
You should capitalize the Pokemon names - like Surskit, Swellow, etc. They are, after all, names of the species.
9th May 2011, 10:07 AM #4
Re: The Silver Wind - Rated PG
Ahh, it seems the chapter heading didn't get in there XD Yeah, this is a chaptered series, sorry about the confusion.
Originally Posted by Teddiursaring
Actually, that's not right. Yes, they are the names of species - but you don't capitalize lion or swallow, do you? So in the same vein, you don't capitalize the species names of pokemon ^_^
Originally Posted by MuddyMudkip