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  1. #1

    Default Silver Seas: Lugia's Chosen One

    Chapter 1

    Kazama is a intelligent boy, Yet is always the target of Bullies of his school. He has only one pokemon, A pidgey named Ace. He got ace only a few days ago as his birthday present. His Class studied under Professor Oak, and he studied under him after school as well. He was, after all, Blue's Younger Brother who moved to pallet an year ago. He only looked like a younger version of gary, with the same hair style and colour, Aside from clothing. Pallet was now quite a large town, with more then 37 houses. There was only one Problem, Children had to go through the forest path to the left to get to school. That was a main problem for Kids taking night classes.

    Kazama was walking through the Forest path, until the 3 bullies arrived.

    "Hey, Pajamas, Heard you got a Tiny Bird Pokemon?" Their Leader, Kyle, spoke with Harry and Sunny to his sides. Kyle was the cousin of Lucas Cyrus, The soon to be Champion of Unova, as soon as Adeku Retires.

    "Its a Pidgey" Kazama replied in a scared tone.

    "Want to battle? You have to. Go Staravia!" Kyle Responded by challenging. Kazama first tried to say no, But was cutted off by Sunny.

    "Go Pidgey!" Kazama sighed."Hold that Focus Sash!"

    "Use Aerial Ace!" Kyle gave his orders as Ace took the Focus Sash from the bag, and managed to dodge kyle's attack.

    "Use Endeavor, Ace!" Kazama Screamed loud, for no reason at all.

    "Fear? I thought we were supposed to use it on rattata!" Sunny asked Harry, but it was too late because kyle used growl.

    "(Oh Yeah it Worked!) Use Quick Attack Now!" Kazama gave orders as Pidgey attacked staravia with its beak, to win the match.

    "What the! Guys beat him up!" Kyle said as the 3 started to beat kazama. Pidgey tried to attack, but Kyle's Infernape attacked it constantly with mach punches. Kyle finally knocked out Kazama and got up to knock out pidgey and take it's pokeball, but siddenly pidgey's eyes went red, just about when infernape was charging up for his final attack.

    It was as if pidgey became a pidgeot. It flew into the sky, and came down with a rushing speed with its beak glowing white. Ace used aerial Ace. But Pidgeys dont learn It at Lvl.15!

    "Is there a Haunter behind it giving it powers?" Harry asked kyle, who just stool still. It was a few seconds and Infernape was knocked out. Then Ace summoned a huge wave of water and flooded the area around Kyle's team. It used Hydro Pump.

    "More then 4 Moves!" Sunny said as the 3 dodged the attack. then they saw Pidgey's eyes turning back to normal, as all the water took shape of a pokemon. The pokemon had a white bird like body, and some blue horns like structers on its back, and blue plates protecting its eyes. It was Lugia, the guardian of Seas. Seconds and the 3 fled to pallet. With the experince of beating infernape going to Ace, he leveled up and evolved into a Pidgeotto.

    "Litsen Ace, Kazama is my Chosen One. I need you to protect him wherever you go" Was a line speaken by lugia in his deep oceanic voice, before he vanished. Blue Stripes appeared on Ace's back and wings. 2 on each wing and 4 on the back. Blue arrived to pick up Kazama, since oak was busy doing work at the school building, found out kazama lying on the road with Ace flying near him.

    "Kazama! Ace!" Blue Spoke.

    To be Continued...


  2. #2
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
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    Default Re: Silver Seas: Lugia's Chosen One

    I like this. A lot. Not long enough for me to review it thoroughly yet..

  3. #3

    Default Re: Silver Seas: Lugia's Chosen One

    Thnaks! its the First Chapter, and ill try to update atleast once a week. i thoguht id make a prolugue, but, the whole plot seemed too Mystery Dungeon and Funny.


  4. #4
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Silver Seas: Lugia's Chosen One

    Hmm... does this have anything to do with Silver Seas by Sarcastically Insane?

    Because that's what I thought when I first read it >_>

    But yeah, let's deal with some of the problems first.

    Like a lot of authors, you seem to be glossing over quite a few parts of the plot. Already, you've established Kazama being the Chosen One, even without much introduction on Lugia's part, or even any development of the plot along the way. The introductory scene is meant to be, well, an introduction, so starting things in medias res right after that can be pretty jarring.

    Secondly, you're using a lot of in-game description that just sounds unnatural when you put it into a conversational context - like saying "I love that Tiny Bird Pokémon!" for a Pidgey, or saying "but Pidgey doesn't learn Aerial Ace until level 15!". That kind of game-mechanical talk wouldn't really exist in-universe, unless they were actually playing an RPG within the context of the fic.

    (And that's not even touching on all the more superficial errors like grammar... )
    Last edited by Zekurom; 29th March 2011 at 08:06 AM.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Silver Seas: Lugia's Chosen One

    Thanks for the review, and i know my grammar is bad, but yeah i wanted to give this fic some of the plot points in the very first chapter.Game things would be common here, also, the name might have been inspired by Silver Seas, but i do not read it.



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