The Seven

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  1. #1
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    Default The Seven

    This is my first fanfiction. It will be about a group of seven pokemon trainers and their struggles. A bit of swearing, but nothing bad.

    Chapter Two

    “Go Sceptile! Use rock slide!”

    Sceptile complied, launching a herd of rocks at the Shinx. The stupid fucking shiny Shinx. I have been tailing it for hours, but it kept giving him the slip. I have it cornered now though. Nowhere to run but water.

    The rocks tumbled across the ground, but the shinx gracefully dodged each one.

    “Fuck it! That’s enough Sceptile! Return!” I grabbed another pokeball. “Go, Charizard”

    “Chaaaaar!” it screamed. “Charizard, use flame burst!”

    Charizard fired a ball of flame at the Shinx. As it was metres away, another trainer screamed a command, and an Empoleon sprayed bright water at the shinx. To be fair, both of us would have caught the Shinx with the powerful attacks, but the pure irony of the situation was that we both failed. The ball of fire burst, but the water cooled it so quickly that it turned into a stone walkway across the lake.

    “What the fuck are you doing?” I demanded.
    “Catching a Shinx. Et toi?”
    “Lets go Charizard.” I said before jumping on it’s back.

    The other trainer jumped on his empoleon and began surfing across the water, just as I took off on Charizard’s back.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    After circling the area a few times, Charizard spotted a commotion in the forest below and we veered towards it. I saw a girl riding a Ponyta and firing flames at a furry yellow thing running away from her, in addition to a boy and his Tangela trying to trip up the Shinx. One of the Ponyta’s fire blasts hit the Tangela and the boy, at the same time as the Tangela grabbed the Ponyta’s legs and flipped it over. Not much hope for the human race today.

    We saw a trainer and his Gengar bypassing the Ponyta/Tangela tiff and running for the Shinx. I’m not proud of it, but we were a bit trigger happy from our earlier knuckle grinding with the Empoleon, so we sorta strafed them with flame bursts until the guy took a direct hit and fell on his face.

    We intercepted the Shinx as it ran over a small wooden bridge, being pursued by a girl and her Gardevoir. Just as she was throwing a poke ball at the Shinx, a stray razor leaf from the Ponyta/Tangela fight from a while back struck her in the hand, throwing off her aim. As she screamed words I have never heard, not even in my piss-poor ghetto upbringing, had heard before, I spotted something in the air.

    To be specific, I spotted a large orange flyer, and realised it was a Dragonite. Not sure we could handle it, I tried to make a plan.

    It, however, made itself.

    “Dragonite, use Thunder Punch!”

    She and her Dragonite plummeted and appeared meteor-like as they impacted the Empoleon from earlier, still crossing the lake. Sever dozen Feebas, Magikarp and even a Gyarados floated to the top of the lake.

    Her attack gave me and Charizard some time to think.

    “Charizard, use focus blast on the Dragonite’s wing! Take it down!” I yelled.

    We rolled downwards and to the left towards the Dragonite, which was still climbing after it’s unprovoked sucker punch on the poor Empoleon and it’s trainer. The trainer looked up as we were about to unload several kilojoules of pain into her Dragonite’s back. She screamed at her Dragonite and it dove again, now just metres from the treetops.

    Being above them, we could basically control what would occur in the fight, as they couldn’t climb without losing speed, which would make them an easy target. Non even thinking about the Shinx, I made a plan.

    “Force them down! Keep attacking from range until they cannot dodge, then force them to land in Verity!” Full well knowing I was breaking several bylaws I hadn’t bothered to research, we started giving them hell.

    The other trainer wasn’t going to let us do what we wanted though. As her Dragonite took a hit, they flipped upside down and fired back. We dove out of the way, but were now right next to them.

    The Dragonite used it’s bulk to ram us, but we were too agile. Charizard rolled onto it’s back and fired off a flamethrower into the Dragonite’s stomach, scorching it, and then biting a chunk out of its wing, sending the Dragonite into a flat spin and crashing into the gleaming waters of Verity.
    Last edited by curse of mudkip; 31st May 2013 at 07:13 PM.

  2. #2
    Registered User Eeveeforthebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Seven

    I'm sure you didn't mean to, but this first chapter made me laugh for some reason. I guess I have weird humor. Anyways, I like it so far.

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    Default Re: The Seven

    Thanks. What do you think I could improve? More is very near. I'm thinking an update every Wednesday and Friday.

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    II.5 Eradia's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Seven

    Longer chapters would be a nice improvement. But overall, you seem to be off to a good start. Fluid, well paced writing style and a good action scene.

    I'm sure there's others on here who'll be able to give you more critical guidance than this, but that's my two scents.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kayde View Post
    "OH HOT DAMN! LOOK AT THAT FUCKING BELL! IT'S SMALL AND CUTE AND HAS A FUCKING RIBBON ON IT'S FUCKING HEAD! BACK THIS PARTY VAN UP! I GOTTA CATCH THAT SHIT!!"

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    Default Re: The Seven

    I think you should be more consistent in capitalization.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: The Seven

    Chapter Two: Reunion

    Unfortunately, as we circled back, there was no sign of the Shinx. I landed with Charizard at the Poke Center in Sandgem Town, foregoing Twinleaf as it didn’t possess a center or store in which to stock up on items. As night fell, we landed in front of the store.

    Six other frustrated trainers had basically the same idea.

    As I was buying a pocket knife and a few potions at the store, the trainer who we strafed earlier on limped into the store covered in burns and scorch marks. Torn about whether I should apologize and help him, or try to not get recognized, he recognized me.

    “HEY! YOU. BLONDE ASSHOLE WEARING MIRROR SHADES.” He screamed at the top of his lungs, in front of a frightened mother and her six year old son.

    “Hi.” I said, trying to be tactful. “My name is Charlie. Sorry about the semi-merciless strafing back in the woo-”
    “Shut up. You owe me a Shiny Shinx and a battle you trigger happy dipshit.”
    “Could you try not terrifying the children?” I asked, hopeful that he would keep it down.
    “Please find somewhere to resolve your dispute, gentlemen” said a British security guard, with a hand on her TASER and Pepper Spray.
    “Go to hell limey.” said the halfway incinerated trainer as he started drawing a Poke Ball.

    That was how the trainer, whose name turned out to be Jaeson, was introduced to the wonderful world of Compressed-Air-Firing 60,000 Volt Tasers.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Ironically, the other five trainers showed up around that point. The two in the Ponyta/Tangela Tiff, Alexis and Connor, had made up already and were joking about war stories. Aerith, the girl who was hit by the razor leaf, and Alexis also liked each other, but hatred from Aerith directed at the unbeknownst Connor was akin to a cloud of happiness inducing rainbows, but in a polar opposite manner. Daryk, the guy on the Empoleon, was quiet, although everyone seemed to like him.

    Finally, Terri, the girl I forced into Verity, seemed to like me quite a bit, not seeming to hold resent over her unplanned swim. She complimented me over my tactics, as did her.

    We convinced the security guard that Jaeson was simply having a really rough day, and we informed her of the semi-merciless strafing that took place. She muttered something about “first world problems” as she returned to her post in the store.

    “I still want a battle” said Jaeson, still moderately pissed off.
    “Yeah. Sure.” I dismissively responded.

    That is how we met: seven people selfishly dragging each other down from achievement, but somehow managing to bond over it. Somehow.
    Last edited by curse of mudkip; 31st May 2013 at 07:12 PM.

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