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  1. #46
    Aspiring Author. SeleneHime's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    All right, I've caught up on your update now. As not to beat a dead horse and repeat earlier reader comments, I'll simply agree with the previous members in that it was a good update. Some small grammar mistakes, yes, but everyone has been known to do it. Your take on his family did seem a bit ... off, though. It didn't scream "pity me", but it was pretty close. The main problem was that you seemed to be telling, not showing, the dysfunctional side of his family.

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  2. #47

    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn


    Anyways, I've been reading since the story first showed up. I've sort of been a closet fan, just never bothered dropping in a review. =p A very good story. I like Samia, I like the portrayal of a Champion's life... it ain't all the glory it appears to be, huh?

    Can't wait 'til Chapter 3 is out!

    EDIT: Quick grammar errors! In error that I noticed 'em.

    Last edited by Ian D.; 12th January 2011 at 02:51 PM.


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  3. #48
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Wow, thanks for the in depth review Ian!
    As you probs noticed, most of my grammar errors are to do with speech sections, as I'm not 100% where to use a comma and where to use a full stop (what you in the US call a period). I'll be sure to try and improve on this aspect, though in doubt it will ever be perfect!!

  4. #49
    Rocking the Lucario Thundagere's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Quote Originally Posted by some colour no doubt View Post
    Wow, thanks for the in depth review Ian!
    As you probs noticed, most of my grammar errors are to do with speech sections, as I'm not 100% where to use a comma and where to use a full stop (what you in the US call a period). I'll be sure to try and improve on this aspect, though in doubt it will ever be perfect!!
    DO you have a beta reader? That might be something worth considering.

    Made by Blue Dragon!

  5. #50
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Nah I don't have a Beta Reader, I had an offer but I never heard back from him...
    Anyone interested? Bare in mind I've never had a Beta Reader before!

  6. #51
    Rocking the Lucario Thundagere's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Quote Originally Posted by some colour no doubt View Post
    Nah I don't have a Beta Reader, I had an offer but I never heard back from him...
    Anyone interested? Bare in mind I've never had a Beta Reader before!
    *Raises hand*
    I'd do it. It'd take me only one to two days per chapter to go over grammar and plot holes, so, yeah. Not that you have any plot holes .

    Made by Blue Dragon!

  7. #52
    magister mencium VeloJello's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    SO THIS IS A FANFIC.
    AND I WILL COMMENT ON IT.

    First of all, I like it~ It has a Flygon which, as has been stated, is made of total win. Also, you have a lot of original ideas for something - a Champion's lifestyle - that others can't pull off. I'm liking it so far and I'm looking out for more~!

    (And I pity the fool who tries to mess with Samia)

  8. #53
    Lighting Things on Fire Sarcastically Insane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Interesting.

    I like how he hates being Champion, with all the smiling and being the only sane man in the League.

    Anyway, the story looks interesting, and I'll keep an eye on it.
    Currently writing Hoenn Wars, a Travelsverse fic that needs no prior Travelsverse knowledge to understand. Chapter Seven, Sacrifice, is up.



    That's interesting; I might have a look when I have the time. Thanks!

    EDIT: Oh my god, these are too many links! Very specific...
    ^Someone's first impression of TVTropes.

  9. #54
    Just a housewife! Izumi Curtis's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    This is a superb story so far dude, keep up the good work :D


    "One is All, All is One",

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  10. #55
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    wow, this is great! I can really improve on my writing by observing yours. I look foward to the next chapter!
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  11. #56
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Chapter 3
    The Tournament Begins!


    From far and wide, they heeded the call. It seemed almost overnight, but the world of pokémon had been gripped with a fever never before seen over the new Grand Tournament. Across the four great regions, from modern Kanto and traditional Johto, the islands of Hoenn to the historic Sinnoh, trainers began to come.

    Few, however, were eligible.

    To even begin the challenge to be Grand Champion, trainers had to have defeated the Elite Four of the Kanto-Johto Alliance, as well as the Elite Fours of both Hoenn and Sinnoh. An apparently impossible task, yet on top of this, they were required to have competed in at least two major tournaments, finishing in, at minimum, the top eight.

    Looking at the list, Samia smiled. Many familiar names were on here, most of them a fair few years older than himself, yet many he had defeated on his own path to Grand Champion. It was good to see they were still in the game. However, a few new faces appeared, teens who in their first few years had achieved the requirements. These 'prodigies' reminded Samia of his younger self.

    Along with challenging trainers, other names presented themselves. Members of any Elite Four were allowed to compete, so as he read through, Samia noted that Cynthia was in the competition, as were a few members of the other leagues. However, the majority of competitors were travelling trainers.

    Placing the list down, Samia glanced around his room. Hopefully, this would be the last period of time he would have to stay at the League, as his boredom was becoming intolerable now. Then again, if he thought he saw potential in any of the finalists, he fully intended to challenge them himself.

    In the corner of the room lay a large, dark wooden bookshelf, full of tomes relating to all things pokémon and battle tactics. Picking one at random, he flipped it open. With a flash of nostalgia, Samia realized it had been a book his Grandfather had given him for the Kanto-Johto League, with information about Dragons and how to defeat them. In the inside leaf of the book lay his Grandfather's elaborate handwriting.

    I know you can do it, Sammy! Read and learn this book, and in no time you will have that whole League grovelling at your feet!

    The message brought a tear to Samia's eye. Even back then, when he had just passed ten years old, his Grandfather had believed in him. Who was there to support him now?

    Placing the thick book back, Samia walked out of his room, heading through the familiar corridors, scarcely thinking of his task. He had made the walk from bedroom to office that many times it seemed to be imprinted in his muscles, as his legs simply led the way whilst he continued to read the list of combatants for the Tournament.

    Samia walked into his office, acknowledging Natasha at her desk with a pile of paper work that nearly concealed her from view, and picked up his cool glass of orange juice. As he sat down, relaxing on his chair, Samia fervently hoped all the commotion over the short period of time taken to get this tournament organized would mean that he would have little to do. Unlikely, but he could hope.

    Reading down the list, one of the names seemed to ring a bell, but he couldn't quite place it. Alanah Bingham. Where did he know that name from? Pressing a button on his desk, a computer monitor rose out of a gap in the wood, and a keyboard presented itself to Samia. Grasping the controls, Samia pulled up the list, and entered the girl’s name into a search engine.

    Instantly, numerous videos appeared of a young girl, barely over than thirteen, defeating a shocked looking Lance, crushing a startled Steven, then going on to fill Cynthia with rage. She she had changed little between the videos; it seemed as if she had defeated all three Leagues within the space of six months. Pulling up the profile, a picture of the mysterious competitor filled his screen, along with a personal profile.

    'Alanah Bingham, age: fourteen', Samia read of her info. Looking at her picture, it showed a happy, carefree looking teenager with white blonde hair reaching well below her shoulders, and bright blue eyes, almost like his own.

    Bingham. Samia nearly spat out orange juice in his own stupidity. Bingham was the family name of the man Auntie Davene had married, some scientist from the big city. Would that make this girl, his cousin? Checking the info, it was correct, 'Parents, Davene and Daniel Bingham.'

    Leaning back, Samia was intrigued. Was it possible that this girl, Alanah, had the gift? His Grandfather told him that Samia had been the first person in their family to have it for nearly sixty years, with the last person being Samia's Great-Grandfather, whom he had never met.

    There was only one way to find out, he would have to see how she fared in to tournament. Samia quickly closed the videos, reluctant to observe her battling style. He wanted a surprise. A sharp rap came on the door as someone drummed their knuckles against it. Taking another sip of the sweet juice, he called over. “Come in.”

    Natasha walked in, wearing her usual office clothes, looking flustered. “Right, the Tournament has been organized.” She spoke, sounding out of breath. “The Committee wishes to speak with you before the start, which will be at the end of the week, four days from now.”

    “Got it.” Samia, answered. With one final gulp, he finished his drink, turned off his computer and began to leave the room. “Natasha?” He asked, “Will you walk with me for a while?”

    Natasha looked taken aback by the request, “Of course sir.”

    The pair walked through the corridors, heading to the conference room where the Committee would inevitably be waiting. Knowing what he needed to say, Samia found that he couldn't. He was suddenly tongue tied, his mouth began drying up, his once rock-hard confidence fleeing him like Pidgey from an Arbok. Gulping and licking his lips, He finally got the words out.

    “Natasha, I'm sorry.” First part over, next part, keep the momentum going, “I know I haven't been the best person to work for, that I never seemed to care about anyone or anything, that I seemed like I didn't want to be here. But, you made the days worth while. If you hadn't been here to guide me, to keep me on track, I would most likely have gone crazy a long time ago.”

    Natasha stopped in her tracks. That was most likely the longest thing Samia had said to her in all of her employment. Samia stopped, and looked at her dumbstruck face, and nearly laughed from the absurdity of the situation.

    “Samia.” She finally answered, and he noticed the unusual use of his first name. “When I was younger, I followed your battles, your rise to fame. I cheered in front of the TV in the pokémon centre when you defeated the former Champion. From that day, I vowed to meet you somehow. I stopped my own journey for a chance to meet the Grand Champion, and my joy was through the roof when I got the job working for you. It has been an honour working for you, and after all you have been through, the dull repetitive tasks they have you do here, I don't blame you for being bored.”

    Samia felt better. He then felt a pang of guilt as he had possibly messed up Natasha's life a little bit. No. She said it herself, she enjoyed it here, or at least, didn't hate it. As they approached the door to the conference room. The pair stopped outside.

    Suddenly, Natasha pulled Samia into a thick hug, embracing him like a crying child. “Go get ‘em, boss.” With that, she let go of him, gave him a quirky smile and walked back down the corridor whistling a cheerful melody. Chuckling to himself, Samia entered the room.

    A large black table ran the length of the room, bordered by five chairs, four round the sides, one at the head. Pulling up another chair, Samia sat at the far end of the table. The five Committee members sat there, looking at him. Each one of the Committee members looked old, their glory days clearly behind them. The all wore an identical black suit with a golden pokéball emblazoned on the breast pocket.

    “Samia.” The head of the Committee spoke, “This Tournament has not been easy to arrange on such short notice, yet, as per your wishes, it has been done.”

    Samia bowed his head, “Thank you, honourable Sir.” Inside, Samia could tell this was going to be a regularly dull meeting.

    “On the bright side though,” Another member spoke, “The revenue we have gained through fresh TV contracts and merchandise has gone through the roof. Our stock has raised by nearly five hundred per cent!” The members spoke amongst themselves happily, enjoying more wealth being added to their already bulging pockets. This continued for nearly five minutes, until their joy over more money died down (but only slightly).

    “Now Samia.” The head of the Committee spoke to him, “You have been our longest serving Champion, and possibly our most talented. It grieves us see that you are leaving, but we cannot stop you.”

    Samia's rage flared slightly. Grieves? What did these detached old business men know of grieving? He had just lost his Grandfather, that man who raised him, and they dared speak to him of grieving? The only thing they would grieve would be their lost dollars as they could no longer exploit his image.

    “For your long service, we have gotten you a leaving gift.” Samia anger was replaced with shock. A gift? Did that mean these wrinkled old men had a trace of a heart in them? From under the table he pulled out a long package, measuring probably about two feet in length. The package was handed down to Samia, who took it hesitantly, unsure what to think.

    “Come on, open it!” One of the members spoke up, and the others chirped in, passing similar messages.

    Slowly, Samia unwrapped the package. The first thing revealed was a bright white leather case, thin but stretching the length of the package, tapering to a point at one end. At the other, lay a black handle, with what looked like a square cross-guard.

    “You got me, a Katana?” Samia asked unsurely.

    “Yes!” They all answered in unison.

    “Your Grandfather informed us some time ago that he trained you in the ancient arts, including swordplay, so we had this commissioned a while ago, but never really had the time to present it.” The head member spoke. “As you can see, we had it's color scheme match your most famous pokémon, the magnificent Absol.”

    Slowly, Samia unsheathed the blade, which came out smoothly and with a satisfying snick. The blade was curved and slender, and the grip easily accommodated his two hands. Twisting the blade, he saw that an Absol had been etched into the base of the blade. Samia was speechless.

    “Th..Th..Thanks!” He stuttered. He had never had such an ornate gift. He could barely believe his eyes. Re-sheathing the blade, he tied the cloth strap and stored it on his back, the grip protruding over his left shoulder.

    “That's not just any blade, sonny” The eldest member wheezed, “We had it forged out of the finest Aggron mined steel, and the handle crafted out of the oldest Salamence bone. It is one of a kind, so don't lose it!”

    Samia bowed, low, his back arching forward. “Thank you Sirs, I cannot express my gratitude, and it has been a privilege being your champion.” Raising himself up, Samia was surprised to see beaming faces. Perhaps money could bring happiness after all.

    “Now Samia, we need you to go down to the Atrium, and meet the competitors! The shuttles bringing them should arrive in the next few minutes.”

    Samia nodded his head and left the room. Perhaps those old men weren't so bad after all. As he stepped through the corridors, he considered the weight of what they had just done. Swords like these were only ever given to the greatest and bravest of warriors, so they had just given him a great compliment.

    Stepping into an elevator, Samia pressed the button for the ground floor. The sheet metal doors closed in front of him, and his stomach lurched as the elevator descended. The trip took all but thirty seconds, and the doors opened revealing the grand Atrium.

    Either side, two great trees flanked the automatic glass doors, and in the centre of the sheer white floor lay the symbol of the grand league, a golden pokéball, enamelled onto the tiles. Opposite the door lay the reception desk, lacking any staff.

    Why not? Samia stepped behind the desk and powered up the computer. Flicking through the menus, he opened up the check in list, and waited for the competitors to arrive. Drumming his fingers on the desk, he contemplated what he planned to do after this was over. Perhaps he would travel again, or maybe he would re-open his grandfather's ranch.

    After about ten minutes, the doors glided open silently, and a gaggle of teens walked in. These were evidently the youngest challengers, most of whom were not much older than sixteen. They walked up to the desk confidently, until they saw who was behind it. At this point they turned to jelly, all images of confidence lost. Samia laughed and checked them in, and porters appeared to direct them to their respective rooms.

    Throughout the day, they arrived. Some, like the first group, melted when the saw Samia. Others greeted him as an old friend and rival, whereas some just blanked him altogether. By the end of the day, sixty-four challengers had been checked in.

    The challengers were here. The battlefields were ready. After eight years as Champion, Samia's final Grand Tournament had begun.

  12. #57
    Now available in 4D! Flygon 101's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Great work, as always (I know I always say that). You must be doing something right - youve got more readers than me *jealous much*.

    Spelling and grammar have both improved lots and I like how you have released some of the tension between Natasha and Samia. Description is just as good and if the tournament battles are as good as the prologue then this should be exciting.

    Notes:
    I can see the katana coming into something in the future.

    I like how you introduced a main rival into the story before she even arrived.

    I dont know why, but this chapter seems shorter than normal.
    I extend my hand to the marvelous authors of this forum. I have read your works and I know that your imagination knows no bounds. Can you help me create a region? I will dedicate the series of fics I intend to use this region for to the gracious people who choose to help me on this audacious task.


    So Im asking you once again Bulbagarden - can you help me?



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  13. #58
    ポケモン Tsutarja's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Quote Originally Posted by some color no doubt
    As they approached the door to the conference room, the pair stopped outside.
    This is the only mistake I caught, since I wasn't exactly looking for errors in the text.

    Nice chapter, feels kinda filler-ish, though I'm really glad you gave some development to the relationship between Natasha and Samia. I always felt their relationship was too tense, hopefully their friendship develops as the story progresses. Other than that, everything was okay. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of character Alanah is, oh and, excited for the Grand Tournament!


    Keep it up! ^^


  14. #59
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Bad news first: When I read the part about the katana, my heart sank a little. Katanas are a major cliche in fanfiction for many fandoms, and there's this HUGE misconception going around that they're "just better". I'm hoping you just made the sword a katana as a reference to the Japanese basis of Pokemon rather than some "coolio" factor.

    But, aside from that concern...

    I LOVE this chapter, even though it's just a setup for what's to come. Most setups like this are boring, but you managed to keep it interesting with your description of the potential rival and the actually rather sweet scene with Natasha. That, and the teenage challengers "turning to jelly." I liked that.

    I'd complain about it being too short, but A: you were at a natural stopping point, and B: the chapters of my fic are short too. So keep on going with this!
    New sig pending; for now have some chocolate milk:

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  15. #60
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Quote Originally Posted by InsaneTyranitar View Post
    Bad news first: When I read the part about the katana, my heart sank a little. Katanas are a major cliche in fanfiction for many fandoms, and there's this HUGE misconception going around that they're "just better". I'm hoping you just made the sword a katana as a reference to the Japanese basis of Pokemon rather than some "coolio" factor.
    Yh, Katana was my choice because of the japanese influence, not just because i thought it would 'be better'. If it wasn't a Japanese influenced fandom, then it wouldn't be a Japanese sword :)

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