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  1. #16
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Ah thanks for pointing that out Handy, guess i had to make one mistake lol, I'll change it i put one to many 'his' in there

  2. #17
    I! AM NOT! A MORON! Sith Droideka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    I agree with Champion Samia. Cynthia would drone endlessly on and on about mythology, the Kanto Gym Leaders would probably be ridiculously boring to meet, and Championship would be among the most boring jobs on earth. No wonder the last champion left emotionlessly (was he Cyrus or something?).

    Good luck to the Champion in his dealings with his family.
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  3. #18
    Now available in 4D! Flygon 101's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    As always, another great chapter. Just the same as all high profile jobs, most people overestimate their 'fun factor'. You think its fun being the president?
    Not much else I can say really. Good description, new characters, very realistic.

    1. I felt like there was a connection between Natasha and Samia. Maybe you could build on that?
    2. Is the nxt chapter going to carry on in Autumn or is it going to skip to winter and tell us that the Grandfather died or something?
    3. If you do do a sad goodbye scene for the Grandfather, that would show a great amount of descriptive detail and emotive atmosphere.
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  4. #19
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Quote Originally Posted by Flygon 101 View Post
    Is the nxt chapter going to carry on in Autumn or is it going to skip to winter and tell us that the Grandfather died or something?
    if everything goes to plan there will be 4 books, so this arc will all be in the autumn section.

  5. #20
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Quote Originally Posted by some colour no doubt View Post
    if everything goes to plan there will be 4 books, so this arc will all be in the autumn section.
    Aah, good. Just a little confused with the use of seasons. Thanks for clearingcthat up.
    I extend my hand to the marvelous authors of this forum. I have read your works and I know that your imagination knows no bounds. Can you help me create a region? I will dedicate the series of fics I intend to use this region for to the gracious people who choose to help me on this audacious task.


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  6. #21
    Brock's Pikachu LightningTopaz's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    First of all, I love how you describe Samia's battle in the prologue! (made me feel like I was there!) I also like how you characterize him as he yearns for bigger ambitions than League Champ.
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  7. #22
    You just got PK'd PK I'm BAAACK~'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    It was nice, good job! Excellent use of detail, description and words flowed rather nicely! The prologue was very interesting and really makes the readers get into it, which is a good first impression for this story. It makes me think that with the interesting well written action, I'll still read it when it seems boring (chapter one didn't have much). So good job! I only spotted a few grammar errors... EX

    In the Prologue: A concussive impact shook the stadium, every row, down to the spectators very teeth.
    "Spectators" in that specific sentence should actually be "Spectator's", because of the fact your talking about their teeth aswell. There wasn't much I spotted though so good job!

    I think I might start correcting any mistakes, but since I'm running low on my own time, I'll do that some other time. Oh, and again, GREAT job!
    Last edited by PK I'm BAAACK~; 12th December 2010 at 01:43 PM.
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  8. #23
    Grass-type fanatic Frenzy Plant's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Really good man, great read. I'll be really looking forward to more and I'll give you a more detailed review. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by PK I'm BAAACK~ View Post
    "Spectators" in that specific sentence should actually be "Spectator's", because of the fact your talking about their teeth aswell.
    It would actually be "Spectators'" because it's both plural and possessive.

    Quote Originally Posted by PK I'm BAAACK~ View Post
    Remember, "recognised" doesn't have an "s", it's actually spelt with a "z" (recognized).
    SCND is British; that's the correct british-english spelling he used.
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  9. #24
    You just got PK'd PK I'm BAAACK~'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Kipper View Post
    SCND is British; that's the correct british-english spelling he used.
    Ops, okay, excuse my canadianness... =( Sorry! I'll edit it out kay?
    *CURRENTLY* why do you wanna know wot im currtly doing? SLAKTER!

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  10. #25
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    I really enjoy your interpretation of the Champion leading a very dull life, a nice change from what we are usually told/given about the champions, so I enjoyed this touch. (Though why doesn't Samia just throw a battle if it's so dull? :P)
    I'm intersted to see what makes him tick, as there has to be some sort of secret to his amazing battling power. How did he ge to learn to read auras?
    I'm hooked, and can't wait till the next part

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  11. #26
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Dude. Just dude. You've come a long way from nearly forgetting about your account, SCNB. This fic is epic! I'll edit later to give a more indepth review.

  12. #27
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Very interesting story you have here. Although we've seen powerful, bored battlers before (Volkner), this still manages to be something I haven't seen before.

    The only advice I could give you right now is to go back and re-read each chapter once or twice. There were a few grammar mistakes here and there.

  13. #28
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Right Guys, Thanks for all the comments, sorry for my absence over X-mas, but the next chapter is on track, and will be out in the next few days :)
    Watch this space.

  14. #29
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Chapter 2
    All Alone


    For the first time in years, Samia felt like he had a purpose.

    He quickly changed out of his ridiculous league gear and picked an outfit that reminded him of the old days, as a travelling trainer. Scruffy trainers, torn jeans, plain t-shirt and logo-less jacket. It felt refreshing to not be an walking advertising board.

    Back in his office, he tore around frantically. Documents were strewn everywhere, covering the usual spotless floor. In the corner, a computer whirred and beeped, every now and again churning out another one of Samia's pokéballs with a flash of light. If Samia was going home, he wasn't just taking two pokémon.

    “Sir, I must insist you reconsider!” Natasha shouted over the racket from near the door, “You can't just leave like this!”

    Samia ignored her, too focused on his task to care. Grabbing a piece of paper, he began to scrawl a note.

    Dear Committee, due to unforeseen family issues, I have been forced to return home. Please do not contact me whilst I am gone. I will let you know when I will be back when I have more details of my families situation.

    Grabbing the note, he thrust it at Natasha. She looked at it, then at Samia with a confused look on her face.

    “Make sure it gets to the committee.” Samia said, then added afterwards “Please.”

    Natasha gulped, her calm face suddenly fearful “You, you want me to go in front of the committee? But only the Grand Champion...”

    Samia closed his eyes, “Please Natasha, I need you to do this for me.” Opening his eyes, their sights locked. “Don't worry about the committee, they're people, not Gyrados.”

    Natasha nodded, subdued, then left the office, leaving Samia to get back to his task. Spinning around, he shut the door with a slam. His eyes raced around the room, thinking if he would need anything else. Sure he hadn't forgot anything, he grabbed a rucksack, full of about thirty pokéballs, and left the office.

    He stepped rapidly through the corridors, heading for the exit, hoping not to run into more fans. Luckily, the building seemed deserted, so he got through without incident. Pushing on the thick metal doors, the world outside was revealed in all it's beauty.

    Samia stood on a mountain top, and as far as his eyes could see an army misty peaks rose, jutting into the clouds, proud to fight against gravity. The peak on which he stood was easily the smallest, and the largest was over two hundred miles away, yet could be seen from where Samia resided, rising above it's brothers. Apparently, no one had ever reached its peak, or at least returned to tell the tale at any rate.

    Shivering against the cold, Samia pulled out a pokéball from his bag, and released the pokémon that resided inside. With a flash of light, barely visible in the intense sunlight, it appeared. It's hide was completely green, and Samia was buffeted by a gust as it flapped it's large wings. His old companion looked around, large antennae twitching, wondering what was happening. The pokémon's red goggled eyes found Samia, and joy spread across it's insect like features.

    Leaping forward, it pinned Samia to the ground with it's forearms and began licking his face happily, glad to be reunited with it's master. Samia spluttered and laughed, but also felt slightly bad. It had been too long since he had been with most of his pokémon. He made a vow then and there, to let all of them out when he had the time at Grandfathers reserve.

    Still laughing, Samia managed to get his arms free and covered his face. “All right all right Flygon!” He spoke to his pokémon, “Calm down!”

    Flygon sat back on his haunches, waiting for it's trainer contently, it's large tail wagging back and forth. Over the next twenty minutes, Samia hooked up and tied a saddle to Flygon's back, allowing him to ride the large distance more comfortably.

    Flygon began to bob up and down, knowing what the saddle meant. Getting impatient, it's wings began flapping, only making Samia's task more difficult. Eventually, the saddle was harnessed, and Samia jumped on, his feet hooking into the straps comfortably.

    Out of his pack, he pulled out a pair of protective goggles, much resembling the lenses on his mount. Leaning forward, Samia spoke whispered into Flygon's ear “Take us home.”

    On the command, Flygon's whole body tensed, pulling back. It's large wings were pulled in close to it's body, and with a powerful push of it's legs, Flygon leapt clean off the mountain and into the air. Samia clutched around his pokémon's neck, not wanting to be buffeted by the powerful wind. Either side of him, the now airborne pokémon's muscles flexed, and with powerful strokes, huge wings kept them aloft, propelling them toward their destination.

    Hours they flew, through the crisp air, above cities and oceans, the world underneath them passing by like a great tapestry, a mixture of hues, green, brown and blue. It all flew past in a blur, with nothing of note happening, Samia simply sat there, being calmed by the rhythmic flapping of Flygon's large wings.

    In this time, Samia was left with his thoughts. It would be the first time he would see his Grandfather, and judging from the letter he had received, it wouldn't be in the best of circumstances. It would be strange, seeing the man who raised him, not full of life. After his parents disappeared, and the rest of his family were not interested, his Grandfather took him in, and raised him as his own, teaching him his ideals, and most importantly, how to battle, both with pokémon, and by himself.

    Eventually, a forest came into view, stretching from horizon to horizon, bordered by a magnificent meandering river, cutting the stretch of land off like a small island. Roughly straight ahead of the pair lay a lake, calm and sapphire blue, with the river entering on either side. It was by this lake, named Togura Water, that his Grandfathers ranch lay.

    Slowly, Flygon began to descend, and a building came into view, a vast, three storey building with rough brick walls and large double glass doors, doors which harshly reflected the evening sun. Either side, lush green grass grew, and wooden fences bordered a massive area, easily the size of a small village. These fields were normally full of pokémon, yet the were strangely empty, giving quite a lonely feel to the ranch.

    With a thump, Flygon landed on the soft grass, front claws leaving deep gouge marks, revealing the dark earth below. Samia jumped down, recalled Flygon and turned to face his childhood home, to see a figure walking towards him. Noticing this, a frown crossed his face. Auntie Davene. Fantastic.

    A rather dumpy sort of woman, Samia had never seen eye to eye with her. She always believed his 'gift' was more of a curse, without ever explaining why. This led to a rift in the family, meaning Samia had had little to no contact with them for nearly fifteen years now. As he surveyed her, Samia noticed that her appearance hadn't changed much, even her clothes seemed to be as he remembered, thick black trousers and a blue turtle neck woollen top. As for her facial features, they seemed to bear no resemblance to Samia. Her hair was a dirty coppery colour, and her chubby cheeks drooped either side of her face, almost like a bulldog.

    She stopped about two meters in front of Samia, put her hands on her wide hips and gave him a disapproving look. “So.” She said matter of factly, “Managed to tear yourself away from your celebrity lifestyle to come see us have you?”

    Samia noted the insult, but kept his anger check. “Why, did you miss me?” he answered, his voiced laced with sarcasm. He had to be careful, his Auntie had snapped at him before, and he had to focus on why he was here. He took on a serious tone, “Let's get one thing straight, I'm not here to see you, or any of the rest of this fucked up family, I'm here for grandfather, and that's it.”

    “Don't you swear at me boy” Davene answered angrily, her voice becoming louder, “That's my father your talking about. If anyone has no right to be here, it's you! You Freak!”

    Samia was struggling to hold back his rage, his jaw clenching, biting back his retort. “Of course, how could I have forgotten?” He answered politely. Without another word, he stepped past his blustering Aunt, straight toward the building. As he approached, the glass doors opened smoothly, revealing a cooling atrium, complete with a reception desk and waiting area.

    Almost as if he had never been away, Samia walked through a heavy oak door behind the desk, down a hallway, where he heard a gaggle of voices, evidently the rest of the family was here. Tiptoeing down the hall, Samia crept past the half closed door where the voices were coming from, avoiding another potential confrontation, and headed straight to his grandfathers room, where he stopped in shock.

    On clean white linens lay his Grandfather. The once proud man, full of life, looked to be, quite literally, on deaths bed. Beside him, all manner of machines and contraptions beeped and whirred, monitors flashing up different numbers and symbols that meant nothing to Samia. Tubes and wires ran around, attaching themselves to his Grandfather. And Samia was scared.

    Samia had not been scared for along time. Since becoming champion, everything had worked out. His grandfather couldn't die, he was too strong, too resilient, and nothing never went wrong in the life of the champion. Kneeling next to the bed Samia clasped his Grandfather's hand, which felt cold and clammy.

    “Grandad?” Samia asked softly, “Can, can you hear me?” A tear came to the champion's eye, “It's me, it's your Sammy.” He was becoming desperate now, how could this be happening, he shook his grandfather's hand, trying to stir a response. For almost an hour he remained there, wrestling with his emotions, until his Grandfather began to move.

    Slowly, his Grandfather's eyes opened, and his yellow eyes met Samia's blue ones, and his look softened. “Samia, you came.” he spoke softly and slowly, like each word took phenomenal effort to utter. “I didn't think you would make it.”

    Samia brushed his tears out of his eyes with the back of his sleeve, sniffing as he did so. “Of course I made it you silly old fart.” Samia smiled, trying to lighten the dark mood. “It took me all day to get here on Flygon though, look, the sun is setting.”

    Outside of the large bay windows, what Samia said was true, the sun was indeed lowering below the horizon, leaving the room to get darker and darker, yet Samia didn't get up to turn on the lights, he wanted to be by his Grandfather's side, no matter what.

    His Grandfather coughed and spluttered, and again looked Samia in the eyes. “Samia, listen to me.” He spoke, his voice being to show hints of pain, “Our gift, I showed you how to you use it, but...” Before he could finish, he began coughing again, cutting him off.

    Samia gripped his Grandfather's hand tightly, willing him to get better, “Please, don't strain yourself, just relax.”

    “No, there is no more time,” Taking a few breaths, he continued, “I never told you, beware of that power. It. Is. Dangerous. The more you use it, the more dangerous you will become. You will lose your humanity, your morals, until...” Again, he was cut off by another spate off coughing, and this time, Samia stood up and moved closer to the head of the bed.

    “Shush now, rest, please.” Samia pleaded, “I can't lose you.” Dread ran through Samia, and the room was getting darker and darker as the sun continued its inevitable route below the horizon. Samia remained motionless, crouched next to the bed.

    All of a sudden, a monotone beep came blaring out of one the machines, and a once zigzagging line flat-lined. Samia still remained motionless, even as medical staff ran into the room. They began shouting too each other, but still he remained there, there voices silent to him as he went deep into his mind. He knew what had happened, and sadness filled his heart like it never had before. All of the memories with his grandfather, all the experiences, the lessons, flashed before his eyes. Being presented a baby Absol at the age of five, winning his first battle, his first girlfriend, becoming Champion, his Grandfather had been there for all of them.

    Overcome by grief, Samia began to weep, crying like a child. An unknown figure led him out of the room into the corridor, where he sat in the dark with no protest. People ran past him, some tried to speak to him, but he ignored them, and they left him alone.

    All alone.

    All of a sudden, a great fury roared up inside of him. His eyes snapped open, looking for someone to blame, someone to take it out on. It was like a dragon had reared up inside of him, spreading warm anger to the tips of his toes and fingertips, into every fibre of his being. It felt like he was on fire, yet as soon as it had arrived, it had gone.

    Calming himself, Samia now was worried. Where had such a dramatic mood swing like that come from? Is this what grieving was? If so, he didn't like it. At all. At that moment, he made a snap decision. What was the point in being Grand Champion? He knew he could defeat anyone, so why bother staying in the middle of nowhere to prove that fact?

    It was time to leave the League, but first, a Grand Tournament had to be called, for the first time in eight years. Rapidly, Samia pulled out his phone. The call was made.

    At any rate, some poor trainer would suffer his wrath by the end of the month...

  15. #30
    ポケモン Tsutarja's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1, Autumn

    Great story.

    Love the seasons idea, and somehow I think it will reflect the character - still dunno how, though. Your descriptions are remarkably well chosen and the plot seems to be heading in a good way. Keep it up, I'll be reading! ^^

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