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  1. #196
    The one and only! :3 Samwin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    interesting chapter. It is brilliant to see samia not in a high pressure battling scene, it gives the reader a chance to see how his personality is off field, (which isn't really nice xD)

    anyway, amazing work as always, and can't wait for another chapter :D

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    Now available in 4D! Flygon 101's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    Quote Originally Posted by MusicNFics View Post
    You mean, the one that originated from the combination of Animus+Eagle effect+Desmond Miles cocktail?
    Anyways, Samia does have an accent? Tell me. Good chappie.
    That's exactly it! It seems a liable path but I doubt the story will end up that way.
    I extend my hand to the marvelous authors of this forum. I have read your works and I know that your imagination knows no bounds. Can you help me create a region? I will dedicate the series of fics I intend to use this region for to the gracious people who choose to help me on this audacious task.


    So Im asking you once again Bulbagarden - can you help me?



    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f512/new-region-help-95004/

  3. #198
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    Quote Originally Posted by Flygon 101 View Post
    That's exactly it! It seems a liable path but I doubt the story will end up that way.
    but I can't put my finger on it...

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    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    The chapter was a bit uneventful, but I guess it was mostly to get the plot going, I wonder what will happen now that Samia met Kori

  5. #200
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    The chapter was also great because we got to learn more about Samia's power and his skills, though I felt there could have been more description of Hoenn as a region, distinguishing it from where Samia came. Also, you described Kori in much detail, but somehow, he didn't make much of an impact. You're telling the story from Samia's POV, but you're not telling us what he thought, what he felt, what vibe he got from Kori, which is just as important as physical description in my opinion. On the other hand, I liked the way you portrayed Joy and the people at the bar. Also, I like that Samia has a bit of a dark side, when he talk to the proprietor of the bar, a hint of arrogance.

    Good work!

  6. #201
    Registered User sharktooth162's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    I like how you've shown a much more confident side of Samia which really reflects how powerful he is and I liked the change of pace as it gave a realy good in sight into Samia's personality which is really good
    Read my fanfic Tales of the Gym leader's and comment if you like or dislike it thanks

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  7. #202
    Registered User Ian D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    “Hi there.” she spoke happily to Samia,
    Period should be a comma.

    “Thank you.” Samia answered
    Same thing here.

    “Can I help you?,” she asked.
    Comma shouldn't be there after the question mark. It shouldn't be there at all.

    “You the guy looking for Kori?” He asked firmly, he voice laced with the flowing Hoenn accent.
    H should be lowercase.

    “Yeah, I know him.” The bartender replied, “And I can tell you he's not here.”
    Period after him should be a comma, T should be lowercase.

    What happened man? :( You were doing so good with the dialogue, then this comes up.

    Anyways, good chapter. I like the line you left us off on - intense stuff. Leaves ya wondering. Can't wait to see what's up with "The Order".

    Update soon!


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  8. #203
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    Like others have said, not exactly an eventful chapter, but It's still really good, especially the parts where Samia is interacting with Flygon. I'm actually somewhat amused by the whole "oh, Grandpa was delirious" thing (Impending disaster ahoy!) as well as the line about the sword and the hoodie making him stand out (so much for looking inconspicuous!).

    What really interests me is how closely he was able to connect with Flygon. It gives some insight into his powers, while raising more questions that will hopefully be answered in the next (few) chapters.

    as for History...it's being delayed to to me having exams, but as soon as those are done, I'll get working on it immediately.
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  9. #204
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    Like others have said, not exactly an eventful chapter, but It's still really good, especially the parts where Samia is interacting with Flygon. I'm actually somewhat amused by the whole "oh, Grandpa was delirious" thing (Impending disaster ahoy!) as well as the line about the sword and the hoodie making him stand out (so much for looking inconspicuous!).

    What really interests me is how closely he was able to connect with Flygon. It gives some insight into his powers, while raising more questions that will hopefully be answered in the next (few) chapters.

    As for History...it's being delayed to to me having exams, but as soon as those are done, I'll get working on it immediately.
    Yes, I am coming out of the closet as a Brony. Problem, manly men?
    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/images/signaturepics/sigpic34657_1.gif

    Check out the TVTropes Fanon Pokedex project! (especially the articles written by Umbramatic, which is most definitely not my alternate username ;) )
    Also, my recently-resurrected fanfic. And something N fans would love to read.

  10. #205
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    Quote Originally Posted by MusicNFics
    Anyways, Samia does have an accent? Tell me. Good chappie.
    Erm, can't really say I've thought about it :p

    Quote Originally Posted by IanDonyer
    What happened man?
    A bit of a mad one I guess, speech is what i struggle with the most. Still, thanks for the corrections I'll be sure to pay attention to them in further writing.





    Right, for the next chapter. It may be a bit later than usual, as what I need to get done in the chapter is key, possibly the chapter that may make or break this fic. So bare with me while I get it sorted and perfected :)

    Cheers,
    Some Colour No Doubt
    Last edited by some colour no doubt; 3rd March 2011 at 06:11 AM.

  11. #206
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    Just finished chapter 6. Excellent as awlays.

    I only have one minor nitpick. Frozen fire? Really?

  12. #207
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    Sorry for the delay, I've been too busy with my own stories lately.

    However, I really enjoyed the last two parts. The battle between Samia and Alanah was brilliant and very intense, and I just couldn't stop reading it! I was really amazed.
    I also loved the simple yet beautiful description of this part: you managed to make me fall in love with Sootopolis City, a place I've never really enjoyed that much. I'm interested to see what Kori's role is in the upcoming chapters and can't wait to see what happens.
    The story is getting really good, and I'm excited for the next parts. The detail is amazing, and you can expect a vote from me in the awards ;)

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  13. #208
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    Chapter 9
    The Order





    The engine of the seaplane howled. From the back-seat, Samia could see Kori at the controls, carefully monitoring dials and levers that meant nothing to Samia. The conversation between them had been pleasant but meaningless, for whenever Samia asked about the Order or where they were going Kori skilfully avoided the question. Leaning back, Samia gazed out of the window.

    Below, the ocean lapped peacefully, the rippling reflection of the aircraft visible as they flew gracefully along. Behind them, Samia could barely see the peak of Sootopolis, alone in the ocean, whereas in the direction they were heading nothing but water seemed to lay ahead.

    Samia wasn't concerned. If he had been younger, he might have thought twice of getting into a plane with a complete stranger, especially one as physically intimidating as Kori, but now he didn't care. He could look after himself, and if anything went seriously wrong, the wrath his Pokémon could unleash would be devastating in such an enclosed space.

    “Nearly there, sir,” came Kori's voice over the intercom, scarcely audible through the small speakers.

    Excellent, Samia thought to himself. Looking ahead, something indeed could be seen. From this distance he couldn't quite make it out, but it appeared to be a small landmass. If the Order was indeed based here, it couldn't truly be significant, not a major player on any level.

    As the island came into view, Samia felt only more unimpressed. Two small boats were anchored at the end of a small wooden pier, at which the end seemed to stand a bunker. It was the bulky sort of affair that was normally associated with nuclear fallouts and old wars. Crossing his arms, Samia sat back as the plane descended, praying he would be impressed by something.

    The landing was smooth, and Kori opened the door for Samia, allowing him to step out onto the pier. The island truly was a middle-of-nowhere cesspit. Too small to be even appear on maps, no doubt. Not even fifty meters across, the bunker dominated it, the dull metal a heavy contrast with the white sand and bright foliage that bordered it.

    “Please sir, follow me,” Kori requested Samia, and began walking towards the doors of the bunker.

    Following, Samia wondered what he had got himself into. Probably the rich father of some spoilt Pokémon fan had got his son a present in the form of the Champion.

    Former Champion, Samia corrected himself. As they approached, the doors opened, the rusty hinges squeaking as they swung outwards. Through them, a sparsely lighted tunnel could be seen, delving into the bowels of the earth.

    Walking down, the footsteps of the two humans echoed loudly, irritating Samia. The trip was short however, and soon the tunnel flattened out, revealing a small chamber containing three doors.

    Ahead of Samia, Kori turned around, facing him. “You must go ahead,” he told Samia, “he is waiting for you.”

    Before Samia could ask what he possibly meant, Kori turned away and entered the left hand door. leaving him alone in the corridor. This was it, make or break time. Time to get through all the cryptic drivel that had been dogging him since the letter was first read. It was time for answers.

    Stepping forward, Samia pushed on the gunmetal-grey door, which opened smoothly. Behind it was a large room, or at least large in comparison to the corridors which proceeded it. Being underground, the ceiling was quite low, but this was the only space saving measure that had taken place. In the centre of the room stood a semi-circular metal desk which smoothly melded into the floor, behind which sat the man whom Samia had come to meet.

    As Samia approached, his thoughts did not lighten. With each step across the twenty or so foot distance, he could begin to see more of the man's features. Short grey hair, clean shaven wrinkled face, sharp yellow eyes. Another old man, just like the league. Keeping his opinion to himself, Samia walked up to the table and stood, ignoring the stool which lay beside him.

    The two stared at each other, sizing one another up. At this distance, Samia could see that while the man certainly wasn't as old as he had originally looked, he was certainly not young, not by a long way. However, it was not his age that stood out to Samia, it was his clothes. Rather than “normal” clothes, the man was wearing what appeared to be a monk’s robe, the collar pushed wide. The robes were beautifully white, implying that they were washed daily. On the chest lay the ever present symbol of the Order, the swirling vortex of pink and blue. A meticulous man, through and through.

    “Please Samia, have a seat.” The old man spoke firmly, his accent un-placeable to Samia's ears.

    Seeing no reason not to, Samia sat down, the chair easily supporting him, if not a bit uncomfortably. Still not taking his eyes of the man, Samia went to talk but was quickly interrupted.

    “Now I know you will have many questions,” he told Samia “But now is the time for me to introduce myself, and for you to listen.”

    Samia frowned. He didn't appreciate being spoken down to like an unruly twelve-year-old.

    “I am Grand Elder Scolari, head of this order” he said, taking a pause.

    Seizing the gap in his speech, Samia butted in “And tell me, what exactly is this order? You ask me here under very shaky grounds.” Samia didn't speak gently, or with much tact. He went straight at it. “So no, Scolari, the time is not for me to listen, the time is for me to ask, and for you to answer, understand?”

    Scolari smiled. Certainly not the reaction Samia expected. “Oh, I see you are confident, Samia, very confident indeed.” he replied, still grinning, “I understand you will have questions, and there will be time for them, but now is not it.”

    Samia sat back on the chair, not at all pleased with the answer. Still, if his original statement made no effect, he might as well let the old man talk.

    “Good, now are you comfortable? Nothing else to say?” Scolari continued, “As I was saying, I am the head of The Order of Arcei, an order that has existed almost as long as the human race itself has been on this planet.”

    “Truly,” Samia replied, “and pray tell, how does this affect me?”

    “Where you sit now is the headquarters, the base of operations, the centre of the order.” Scolari continued, ignoring Samia, “as it has been for nearly two thousand years.”

    Samia tapped his foot on the floor. He didn't appreciate being ignored, and after years of people doing as he asked, he sure as hell wasn't used to it.

    “Now if you have any questions before I continue, please ask them now, as our history is key to why you are here.”

    Samia narrowed his eyes slightly. Scolari had essentially just told him that his questions would be answered without him asking them, so he sat back, signalling for him to continue.

    “Good,” he replied. “Now as you know, humans and Pokémon first appeared several million years ago. For years the humans were the underdogs, as Pokémon were faster, stronger, and more powerful in almost every way. For a while it seemed like the human race was doomed to extinction. Until Arceus got involved.”

    In his mind, Samia groaned. Here we go, another religious cult with their own theory of the world. For his whole life, Samia had never really been religious, and he couldn't see himself starting now.

    “Ah, I see you are cynical?” Scolari asked Samia. Clearly his emotion had crossed over his features, allowing the old man to read it. Rather than seeming upset or angry as religious nutcases could be, he smiled, beaming at Samia.

    “Well yes,” Samia replied “I've never been a religious sort.”

    Still, Scolari smiled. “No matter” he said softly. “I shall continue nonetheless.” Coughing, he cleared his throat. “Now, as he looked down on his creations, Arceus saw the humans, but he did not pity them. Instead, he saw great potential within our race. A small percentage caught his eye, a tiny, minute amount of the people of the time, but he acted.”

    Samia still remained cynical, but it was different than the usual religious mumbo jumbo that was normally spouted.

    “Arceus appeared to a small group of humans, and spoke to them.” Scolari reeled off the story, evidently having studied it in great detail. “He told them what he had seen, and what he intended to do. Through his might, he gave them the power to tame Pokémon.”

    Scolari reached into his desk and took a sip from a glass of water. Proffering the glass to Samia, who refused, he continued with his tale.

    “Now, with their new-found gift, the Pokémon who attacked the humans fell before them, the strongest foes becoming trusted companions and guards to the weak human race. With their power, the small group of humans united the scattered tribes and formed a nation, based on the taming and capture of Pokémon. Pokémon became involved in everyday life and soon through breeding, it was not only the first humans who controlled Pokémon, but more, regular people. It was from this time that it became a rite of passage for any human, male or female, no matter where they came from, to be presented with their Pokémon at the age of ten.”

    Samia was starting to become intrigued, no matter how hard he tried not to. This play of events certainly seemed more fathomable than the accepted view.

    “Seeing they were no longer needed, the original tamers pulled out of everyday society, forming an order to keep them together, the Order of Arcei. From their distant view point, they kept an eye on both the human and Pokémon race, stepping in where necessary to maintain the balance. They were... the first Pokémon Masters.”

    Samia doubled over laughing. He couldn't help it, but the absurdity of the last comment made him crack.

    “Does our history amuse you?” Scolari asked, sounding none too pleased.

    Drying his tears of laughter with the back of his sleeve, Samia replied “Pokémon Masters? You read too much, old man!” He chuckled again, calming himself “It's an advertising campaign used by the League to entice new trainers! There is no such thing as a 'Pokémon Master'!”

    “I am afraid you are mistaken.” Scolari replied, his voice now in a low monotone. “The history of this order traces the route of the Pokémon Masters throughout history, and their presence in undeniable.”

    Standing up, Scolari looked down at Samia. If Samia was supposed to be intimidated, or embarrassed, he wasn't. He couldn’t believe this idiocy he was being pulled into, and cursed his own naivety.

    “Please, Samia, follow me.” Scolari said. Reaching down under the desk, he seemed to push a button, and a panel of the wall behind him opened seamlessly. Turning around, he began to walk toward it.

    Seeing no reason not to entertain the old man longer, Samia stood up and followed him through the door, which led to a long corridor. On the left side was a glass case that easily stretched for one hundred meters.

    “Look through this, our history and tracking of the Pokémon Masters, then come and speak to me afterwards.” Scolari told Samia, then walked past him back through the door from where they had just come.

    Why not, Samia thought and turned to view the first section of the case. Behind it appeared to be a large piece of rock, complete with cave drawings. They were not very clear, so Samia had to press up to the glass to make them out. The first of the drawings showed what appeared to be humans (in the form of stick-like figures) running from great beasts, beasts spurting out fire and lightning at the humans. Moving along, the next picture showed a group of about twenty humans bowing down to a light in the sky. If Samia had to guess, it represented Arceus, as in the next picture, the same humans stood tall, above a selection of Pokémon which bowed before them.

    Moving along, the art remained consistent with Scolari's tale, each cave painting showing the events unfold, including the original humans disappearing. From after that, it must be the tracking of the so called “Pokémon Masters.” There were historical art scenes depicting battles between Pokémon Trainers, as well as portraits of individuals, which began to advance in modernity.

    At last, the photos more pertaining to his time appeared. It looked as if in the last few years the order had become extremely busy and efficient, with literally hundreds of photos; some marked with red X's, others torn and ripped, others circled with black pen. Reaching the end, Samia stopped, stunned.

    There, in its own golden frame, stood a photo of him, marked with a green tick, followed by the words “Confirmed PM.”
    Last edited by some colour no doubt; 9th March 2011 at 06:24 PM.

  14. #209
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    Gawd, I love your description. You have a way of making what you write sound so elegant and flow so nicely, but without rambling on and on like I tend to do. I also really liked the interaction between Samia and the old man.

    Great chapter. Keep up the amazing work!

  15. #210
    Now available in 4D! Flygon 101's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seasons, Book 1: Autumn

    Good cliffhanger. And I also liked how you skipped the boring part between chapters and summed it up in one sentence.

    One thing I have to clear up before I forget:

    Look though this, our history
    That should be "look through this" shouldn't it?

    it became a right of passage
    I think that should be "rite of passage".

    Oh SCND, you were doing so well.


    Good to see that you're building up the role of the strange power Samia has. I think I can predict how this is going to end up. The old man is a good character but I think he may need some developement; something I'm sure you'll include in the next chapter. He reminds me of my dream character that I try not to use too much; silent but outspoken, cryptic in his words and always knows how to avoid a question.

    Keep up the good work and I want to see more of Samia's pokemon.
    I extend my hand to the marvelous authors of this forum. I have read your works and I know that your imagination knows no bounds. Can you help me create a region? I will dedicate the series of fics I intend to use this region for to the gracious people who choose to help me on this audacious task.


    So Im asking you once again Bulbagarden - can you help me?



    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f512/new-region-help-95004/

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