MATURE: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 16)

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  1. #1
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 16)

    This is a fic that I'm working on for Bulbagarden's Summer Bulbagarden Writing Month (the SuBuWriMo, so they call it). It's kind of ironic, though, that posted it at Serebii first and then here, due to the server being overloaded.

    And here I present the fruits of tonight's labour, the first chapter of said story. I wonder if I'll actually be able to reach 100,000 words, which is the gold medal standard. Don't expect it, though - it took me a whole year to reach 100,000 words on Generation 2021. (mostly because of lack of work >_>)

    There's also a commentary, running parallel to the work, exposing my intentions of the work. You can find it here: http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f512/rise-silph-commentary-110760-new/

    Without further ado!

    Chapter 1 - The Monster in my Backyard



    Running total: 2,143 words [Small revision. Engineering isn't exactly a trade. >_>]

    So, comments? Likes? Dislikes?

    I'll still plod on with Generation 2021, don't you worry about that.

    UPDATE 04/06/2011: Re-rated MATURE for descriptions of drug usage.
    Last edited by Zekurom; 4th June 2011 at 10:33 AM. Reason: I corrected that error, but the page got washed out.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Back to KM Kantomasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo, Chapter 1; 12)

    Nice story. i like it, definately reading. no errors i could see.
    My 3ds FC: 0018 2172 7225 Safari: Rock Feel free to add me! I can only get on wifi maybe once a week at most though!
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    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo, Chapter 1; 12)

    That was interesting. I get Pokémon weren't discovered yet?

    I'm glad you cut out most of the boring parts in Donovan's life, and it seems like he is mostly kept to himself. Nothing much I can say really for a starting story but this: this could be interesting.

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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo, Chapter 1; 12)

    Here's chapter 2. A bit shorter than the previous one, but I'll try to make them more full-fledged later o3o

    I've got one taker here, two at Bulbagarden. Let's continue!

    Chapter 2 – Second Encounter



    Chapter total: 1,682 words
    Running total: 3,825 words
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Registered User Fireheart's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo, Chapter 1; 12)

    I like thi its pretty cool.
    I like how you're naming the Pokemon so far, but why will people start calling them Pocket Monsters? They don't have Pokeballs so...
    Anyways so far I'm liking it and Good luck!

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    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 12)

    Really interesting story here, Zek, I like it.

    First of all, you say "moch more quickly" in the first chapter. You also refer to the "1970's" - it's a common mistake but you actually shouldn't use an apostrophe here since it's just a standard plural.

    Anyway, you do a really good job of introducing the world that Donovan lives in. Obviously it's not a fictional world that he lives in but you do a really good job of painting what his society is like.

    Your ever less subtle allusions to Pokemon is really great. My personal favourite was the fact that there were birch, elm and oak trees near the beginning, but the references to Murkrow, Mareep, Magnemite etc. were all really well done too.

    I'm curious to see if Donovan's thoughts that his looseness around Belinda would kill him one of these days is foreshadowing...

    You also did a really good job in finding that passage in Journey to the Center of the Earth. I assume that is where you take Donovan's name from rather than it being a massive coincidence? =P

    Anyway, good job, I'll do my best to keep up with this.

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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 12)

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastly's Mama View Post
    Your ever less subtle allusions to Pokemon is really great. My personal favourite was the fact that there were birch, elm and oak trees near the beginning, but the references to Murkrow, Mareep, Magnemite etc. were all really well done too.
    Haha, you saw those.

    I'm curious to see if Donovan's thoughts that his looseness around Belinda would kill him one of these days is foreshadowing...
    I'm curious too. We'll see.

    You also did a really good job in finding that passage in Journey to the Center of the Earth. I assume that is where you take Donovan's name from rather than it being a massive coincidence? =P
    Unfortunately, you'd be completely correct in saying that it was a massive coincidence. I didn't even remember there was a Donovan in Journey to the Center of the Earth.

    Unless you're talking about that book that he's reading, in which case, it's actually not Journey to the Center of the Earth, but rather a fictional book that I made up.

    Anyway, good job, I'll do my best to keep up with this.
    I'll do my best too. A chapter a day for 30 days... this is going to be tough.
    Last edited by Zekurom; 3rd June 2011 at 08:17 AM.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 12)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ƶekurom View Post
    Unfortunately, you'd be completely correct in saying that it was a massive coincidence. I didn't even remember there was a Donovan in Journey to the Center of the Earth.

    Unless you're talking about that book that he's reading, in which case, it's actually not Journey to the Center of the Earth, but rather a fictional book that I made up.
    Ah, it was just a misunderstanding then. I thought that was an extract from Journey to the Center of the Earth which I haven't read in such a long time that I can't remember a thing about it. =P

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    Requiem Raver Drakon's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 12)

    I like this a lot.

    I loved how you slowly wove allusions to Pokémon into the real world.

    Not to mention, Donovan was a pretty interesting character as well.

    And finally, I like how you captured the counterculture and anti-war movement of the '60s and '70s.
    What are the Legendaries really like? Find out in The Life of the Legendaries

    Humans and pokémon no longer live in harmony. Hear their tales in The Poké Wars Chronicles: Tales From A World At War

    Cynthia once had it all: powerful pokémon, fame and hordes of adoring fans. But Ho-oh's campaign tears her life asunder. Now to survive this deadly new world, she must do the one thing that she never wanted: kill. Follow her trials through a world at war in Poké Wars: Downfall of a Champion

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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 12)

    If the next-to-abysmal chapter quality hadn’t tipped you off, it should be quite obvious, after this small announcement of mine, that I’m trying to write one chapter a day for this challenge. Who knows, maybe I might actually reach the gold standard of 100,000 words, regardless of the actual quality of the work.

    Of course, that’ll be somewhat hard given that I have exams coming up in a short while. But this will be one of things that I do just to pass the time.

    Chapter 3 – A Trip to the Expo



    Disclaimer: I've never taken LSD before; Donovan's trip is based on other accounts.

    Chapter length: 3,225 words
    Running total: 7,050 words
    Last edited by Zekurom; 7th June 2011 at 07:57 AM. Reason: (sp)
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Registered User Fireheart's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 12)

    Hippies named Bulbasaur... really?
    The LSD bit was pretty good but I wouldn't know if it was accurate.
    Did Canada turn 100 years old July 1st 1967? I'll go check. Anyway why Cananda?

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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 12)

    Quote Originally Posted by Fireheart View Post
    Hippies named Bulbasaur... really?
    The LSD bit was pretty good but I wouldn't know if it was accurate.
    Neither would I. I've never taken it myself, and everybody's trip is different with some elements being the same. Donovan actually has something of a near-death experience.

    Did Canada turn 100 years old July 1st 1967? I'll go check. Anyway why Cananda?
    'Cause I'm Canadian, and I thought it should get a cameo :P
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Registered User Fireheart's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 12)

    Ohhh I just saw your location.Hmmm near-death experience... interesting
    I didn't know everybodys trip was differen. You learn something new everyday!

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    Registered User Fireheart's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 12)

    Ohhh I just saw your location.Hmmm near-death experience... interesting
    I didn't know everybodys trip was differen. You learn something new everyday!

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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Rise of Silph (SuBuWriMo; 16)

    Here's a relatively short chapter, in preparation for tomorrow:

    Chapter 4 - Spreading Out



    Chapter length: 1,055 words
    Running total: 8,105 words (16.21% to the goal)
    Time left: 26/30 days (86.66%; as long as the two percentages add up to more than 100%, I'm safe.)

    I decided to change my goal from 100,000 down to the regular 50,000 of the NaNoWriMo. Sosumi.

    Remember, if anything bugs you about how I'm portraying the time period (factual inaccuracies; stuff that didn't exist at that time), please tell me. I tried to do as much research as possible, but I might miss quite a few things. I won't be able to correct it in time for the SuBuWriMo, but I can promise that your corrections will make it into a potential rewrite.

    P.S.: Hang on baby, the next chapter rockets us to 1968!
    Last edited by Zekurom; 4th June 2011 at 04:36 PM.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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