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  1. #16
    J'ai Envie De Toi AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Wow! You've clearly put a lot of work into this one. Comparing this to your other fics, it's like you've changed your writing style to better fit the story. I won't go over the grammar/punctuation issues because those were covered (quite well) above. I love how super descriptive this is, especially in terms of scenery, and I really hope that carries on throughout the fic.

    Probably the best part was the way you started by introducing Jessie and his family. It looked like the usual dysfunctional sit-dramedy family. You made us connect with each of them and gave us a little bit of past. It was just enough to convince me that they were gonna be around for a while. Then... BOOM. Dead. Excellently done.

    Bit o' criticism, though:

    those black colored eyes
    We've been through this before :P Only add the "colored" if it's one hundred percent necessary. For example, almond-colored eyes are different than almond eyes (the latter usually refers to the shape). Black eyes and black colored eyes means the same thing. Go for the less wordy option.

    (Review game certified, yo)

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  2. #17
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    @SwampertShoes; @NoirGrimoir; @Lance; @some colour no doubt; @Prof. Lugion;

    Well here's chapter 1, originally this was going to be a second prologue of sorts but it ended up being twice as long as the first prologue so I decided to turn it into its own chapter.

    This chapter takes place 6 months after the prologue, so I hope you enjoy it.

    Chapter 1: Birth of Light

    “Welcome everybody I’m Carlos Reservoir and this is Saffron at Night,” The man spoke with a mellow and sly tone of voice, his left hand passing over his straight black greasy hair as he turned to the many cameras that were surrounding him. He had a certain air of confidence to him; probably thanks to all his years of experience.

    The man known as Carlos put his arms against the arm rest of the soft leather brown couch, his back practically sinking as he leaned back. He stared at the empty bleachers in front of him; a small expression of sadness crossing his face, though he obviously couldn’t let that be caught on the camera and as thus he made sure to keep those feelings away.

    His show had been one of the best late night TV shows for years, he had gotten trophies, recognitions and had become a star. Of course none of that mattered anymore, a frivolous thing such as TV was no longer important with the arduous times that the world was facing.

    The man turned towards his guest, his grin returning once more.

    The man sitting in front of him simply stared back at him as he tweaked his glasses nervously. His lips quivered as if he was silently mumbling something, probably what he was planning on saying. “Without further ado, our guest for tonight’s show is none of other than Dr. Clay Urbin, one of the leading scientist behind the ‘Hybrid Investigation’ he along with the rest of his crew made out of the best scientists around the world has been trying to figure out what caused the aftermath of ‘The Day the Sky Fell’ which as you know…”

    He trailed off and turned to look at the screen, which was now showing a picture of a small boy.

    The boy’s skin had turned a clear yellow, his eyes becoming what seemed like green colored visors; though one could see a pair of eyes behind them. Four green and black colored wings protruded from the young child’s back along with a small bug-like tail.

    “…Ended up causing a large part of the world’s population to change into a cross between Pokemon and humans, these are the now new beings known as Hybrids,” Carlos turned back to Clay, who had finally gotten his composure back together. “Now doctor, the world has been in turmoil for months due to this and everyone has questions as to what we can do to solve this problem.”

    Clay nodded his head as he processed what the anchor was saying. He finally answered with a light cough. “Well, I’m sure that as most people know these Hybrids are basically a cross between human and Pokemon DNA, now this doesn’t mean that they’re no longer human but rather they have gained Pokemon features,” He explained and adjusted his glasses.

    “Me and my colleagues have found out that the meteor shower during “The Day the Sky Fell” seemed to have spread some kind of radiation that affects the human body. It is still unknown why only 35% of humanity was affected but we do know that the radiation waves seemed to create new cells inside those that were affected, cells that resembled Pokemon,” Clay stopped for a moment, his breath going a bit ragged after he had spoken for so long. Carlos was now leaning forward, clear curiosity showing in his eyes as he stared at the doctor. “Unfortunately we still haven’t figured out how to cure these ‘virus’ per se, we have tried creating multiple cures but the Pokemon cells are hard to kill so far all the possible cures we have tested have developed a ‘Hydra’ effect in which if we kill one cell, two more grow out.”

    Carlos frowned slightly, probably because he was expecting the doctor to say they had achieved the cure, that would boost his shows rating to the sky after all. He put his head on his right hand and stared at Dr. Clay once more, he needed to do something to make this more base breaking, and he knew just how to do it. “Now, a lot of people have been wondering this. Is there any way that someone who wasn’t affected during the actual meteor shower to become a Hybrid just by being around other Hybrids?”

    Dr. Clay seemed a bit doubtful to answer this question at first, almost as if debating whether it was a good choice to answer it or not. The scientists sighed and fidgeted with his hands for a bit before finally speaking. “Sadly I cannot answer that. You see there have been cases where people that weren’t affected during the meteor shower developed Hybrid features shortly after, though unlike those that were affected immediately they have more human features than Pokemon features,” He scratched his chin in thought and leaned against his chair; which was much less comfy than Carlos’s and was made of a rougher texture. “Whether this was a result of being exposed to Hybrids or a late effect still remains to be revealed.”

    Carlos’s face gleamed when he heard this, like a kid that had just found a new present under the Christmas tree. He might not be able to show the world a cure but if he expanded on this it would also raise his fame. “So you’re saying that there is some danger in approaching this….’creatures’ isn’t there?” he asked with a sly grin.

    A frown crossed across Clay’s face as he realized what the anchorman was trying to do. “Now I did not say that, we are still…”

    “Unsure, right?” Carlos interrupted his head nodding as he continued speaking. “That means that unless you can be sure people will have to keep their distance, hell they would have to do it anyway I mean these…whatever they are, they’re not like Pokemon, they can’t be tamed or captured!” he exclaimed; waving his hand around carefully.

    “They are sentient human beings with the powers of Pokemon, imagine if someone decided to use this power for evil, they could destroy a whole city if they so wished to!” Clay didn’t respond to this, instead looking down at the floor and groaning. Carlos had left him without any answers; he also knew that if he didn’t stop him then things would just get even worse. “I’m just saying, even if they were humans once they have Pokemon blood in them that means that they have the same instinct, which means they could attack normal people as well.”

    The screen went black at that moment causing a young boy to whine in disapproval as he put his arms down on the kitchen counter. His long straight black hair waving around his forehead as he turned to look at his mother. “Mom, I wanted to watch,” The young kid stated, his cheeks inflating so as to show his distaste.

    “You’re way too young to watch those shows,” His mom argued with a giggle before she set the remote down on the kitchen counter. Her long black hair flowed down her body as she walked around the counter to put her son’s plate down, though the boy didn’t seem to react much to this. “That man is just being a bully, everyone’s trying their best to solve the issue with the Hybrids and he’s turning the blame on them instead.”

    The boy didn’t reply, instead looking down at the steak and mashed potatoes; his eyes gazing in curiosity at the steam that wavered over the plate. “I’m already seven though!” he whined, ensuing a scoff from his mom before she petted his head.

    “You’re right,” She sighed, deciding that it would be best to let her son have the reason so he would calm down. “I forget that you’re not a kid anymore,” She smiled warmly at him before she began walking back around the counter and sat down on the opposite chair from her son.

    “Though Hybrids are kind of scary mom,” the kid said fearfully as he began to cut a piece of his steak. “There’s this kid in our class that looks like a Duskull now, it’s really weird and we’re all scared, plus his family keeps him locked in his house and he’s able to go through walls,” He explained while taking a bite out of the piece, his teeth digging into his food as the taste washed over him; causing him to let out a satisfied smile.

    “I know he might seem scary Michael, but he’s still the same person underneath,” His mom said; stretching her hand so that she could grab her son’s. “It’s not like he wanted to become a Hybrid, besides. What if it was you who became a Hybrid? Would you want people to treat you the same way?”

    Michael turned away from his mother, his eyes looking down at the plate as shame crossed his face. “No…I wouldn’t like it,” He stated; his expression turning into a pout when he came to this realization.

    “Everyone acts as if Hybrids are a threat and they’re right that people with Pokemon abilities could result in something dangerous,” His mom nodded her head sagely. “However, they are still people with families, lives and everyone forgets that just because they look different and have different aspects than us.”

    “You sure know a lot mom,” Michael smiled as he looked at his mother with bright cheerful eyes.

    “Well I should know I work with them after all,” His mom smiled, her eyes looking over at the white lab coat that was hanging from the kitchen door with a smile. “I’m sure your dad would’ve helped me if he was still alive,” Her eyes then fell to her plate once more, her expression becoming somber and depressed. “Honestly I would’ve liked it better if he had turned into a Hybrid during the meteor shower.”

    “I wonder what kind of Hybrid dad would’ve been!” Michael exclaimed suddenly, his cheerful voice managing to pull his mother out from her own thoughts. He stood up from his chair and spread his arms wide while smiling at his mom. “I bet he would’ve turned into a Tyranitar or a Charizard!” he exclaimed cheerfully.

    “Yeah your father did like those,” She laughed gleefully; her face going from somber to happy as she and her son enjoyed their one moment of happiness together. Things had been hard for them in the last few months and it was nice to finally have a chance to unwind. She smiled at Michael and leaned forward to pat his head, she was happy; even if her husband wasn’t with them she still had her son that would always help her. “So, if you were a Hybrid what Pokemon would you like to be then?”

    “Hmmmm….” Michael scratched his chin comically, his eyes staring at the roof in thought. “An Empoleon, those are so cool! I really want to have one.”

    “Well then you can have one when you go on your journey,” Michael’s mother smiled and stood up from the table.

    “You should give me one,” Michael beamed.

    “I’ll think about it.”

    ***

    The next day after dropping Michael off at his elementary school she proceeded to head for her workplace. Her lab coat was folded gently on the passenger’s seat as she drove, with it sliding from right to left with every movement the car made.

    As the buildings and bustling crowds of Saffron began to give way to the trees and nature outside of the city she could see a line beginning to come into view.

    There were hybrids of all types and sizes lined up one after another, all of them with the same purpose in mind. Some of them had clothed themselves in a way that no one would see them; while others had left their full appearance in view for the world, one thing was obvious though, all of the Hybrids seemed distant, maybe even a bit bitter.

    She was pulled out from her own thoughts by the sound of her phone ringing, causing her to shuffle threw her purse, this made it hard for her to keep her eyes on the road but she was somehow able to manage after years of similar moments. She looked at the screen of her phone which showed the picture of a man, probably around his fifties, with wrinkles already forming around his eyes and cheek along with greying black hair that was combed all the way to the back. The name Earl Carter was displayed on the bottom of the screen.

    This man was one of the leading scientists in their search for a cure to the Hybrid transformation; a very famous scientist recognized for multiple discoveries and for his influence in the world of science as well as politics. The woman raised an eyebrow in curiosity, it was odd that someone as famous as him would want to speak to her, and even if she was part of the same research she wasn’t exactly in an important role; nevertheless she proceeded to answer the call, throwing all of her questions aside. “Hello Dr. Carter, to what do I owe this pleasure?.”

    “Hello Arlene,” Earl Carter’s voice was heard from the other end of the line, his voice sounding polite and calm. “I was just calling to ask you to come to my office when you reach the lab, there’s something that I want to talk to you about.”

    “Oh,” Arlene said with an air of surprise; taken aback by the fact that someone as famous as him would want to speak to her personally. “There’s some paperwork that I need to take care of in my office, so will it be all right if you come to my office instead?”

    “That would be plausible,” the doctor replied before hanging up almost instantly.

    ***

    After entering Saffron’s Research Center’s parking lot Arlene proceeded to get off her car and make her way towards the building.

    It was a large facility with about six floors; the building was colored in eggshell white and was composed of a small dome that stood at the entrance with the rest of the building standing above it.

    As she made her way into the building Arlene was finally able to see the line of Hybrids from the spot where it began. The staff was already taking the necessary blood samples from each of the Hybrids that came into the building. The process was simple, by extracting the blood of the Hybrids they would be able to see how their cells had been affected and how they could create a proper cure, because of this they needed multiple samples from the same species so as to make sure that they all presented the same pattern.

    She honestly felt sorry when she saw them all lined up like that, all of their hopes and lives had been put into this one project that she was part of, and it was honestly a lot of pressure. Every day she thought about what would happen if she failed or if they ended up making things worse, especially after what she had told her son the night before.

    She quickly threw those thoughts away though, knowing that she shouldn’t get discouraged so easily, there were a lot of people trusting in her as well as Michael and her deceased husband, he would’ve wanted her to keep going regardless of what happened.

    ***

    Arlene had finally reached her office, her eyes scanning the multiple sheets of paper that clouded over her desk, making everything else completely useable. She sure hoped Michael would never see her office, even though she was a neat freak at home her work area left much to be desired. “I really need to clean a little more,” He sighed as she began to gather the papers that were on her desk.

    From the corner of her eye she could see the mall red and white ball that had been set up right in front of her computer’s touchscreen. A smile crept across her face as she grabbed the pokeball and scanned it once more. She giggled in her mind when she remembered her son’s reaction to the subject of Pokemon; however, that just made her more impatient to see his reaction when she gave him his present.

    “Wow, this place is indeed worthy of a researcher.”

    Arlene turned her head around, her face looking a bit startled at the sudden intrusion. Earl Carter was standing by the door, his hand gently lifted in the air as he waved at her. “Oh Dr. Carter. I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting visitors,” she laughed innocently while desperately trying to shuffled some of the papers away. “So?” she faced the more experienced doctor once more, still seeming a bit embarrassed due to her office’s state.

    “Oh yeah about that,” Earl walked into the office, allowing Arlene to see the small stack of papers that he was carrying on his left hand; the papers seemed to be held by a metal clip to keep them in place. “First of all, I wanted to ask how the acquiring of blood samples was going and if you had made any progress.”

    Arlene’s face instantly turned more serious, knowing that she was now at her job and as thus had to show a different face. She nodded her head before pocketing her hands inside of her lab coat. “We’ve gathered a total of 2000 samples adding up what we’ve obtained in this lab, the lab in Celadon as well as the one in Cinnabar, I still have yet to contact the other regions to ask how their results have been.”

    “Regarding the samples themselves, I’m afraid to say that our original worries were right,” Arlene sighed in frustration as she crossed her arms. “It seems that a good part of the blood samples showed different amounts of Pokemon cells added to the human cells,” she said cordially. “For example, people that developed Hybrid traits days or even weeks after the accident present less of an amount than normal ones, not just that but we can’t make a specific antidote to cure them all since it seems each species of Pokemon has a different type of blood, so the way we have to handle it has to be different.”

    Earl nodded his head, almost as if he was taking his time trying to process what Arlene had said. He raised his head slightly and smiled at her before handing her the stack of papers that he was carrying. “We got called in by the higher ups, well, I called them. This is going to be our new project.”

    Arlene’s face instantly turned cold when she heard those words. Did this mean that they were shutting down their current research, if so then that would mean prolonging the creation of the antidote for years, maybe even decades if they didn’t get proper funding. “Um, sir, with all due respect I don’t think shutting it down is the best choice, I mean right now finding a cure for this is our best course of action in my opinion.”

    Earl didn’t reply, instead he turned away from Arlene to stare at the windows on the other side of the room, a pensive look hanging on his face. “Did you read today’s newspaper?”

    “Um…I usually just check the internet, it’s faster, but I haven’t looked at the news today,” Arlene replied while shaking her head; she could tell that the doctor’s mood had changed in just a few seconds, as if there was a cloud of gloominess hanging above him.

    “Well you’d be happy to know that last night three unknown Hybrids snuck into the vault at Goldenrod City’s National Bank and stole a total of two million Poke,” Earl’s tone had become more bitter, if a little resentful as he looked at Arlene from the corner of her eye. “One of the most famous banks of the world, with the highest security, broken into like a piggy bank being hit by a hammer.”

    “Yeah but…that’s no reason to shut it dow…”

    “We have to look at the big picture here.” Earl interrupted, his hand resting on one of the two chairs in front of Arlene’s desk. “If we don’t do something that would allow us to counter the Hybrids first then normal humans would be in trouble, if they use their powers for the wrong things then it could end up destroying society as we know it.”

    “We can’t just judge them like that!” Arlene exclaimed out, a frown crossing her face as she clenched her hand on the stack of papers, almost causing her palm to be cut by the edges of the papers. “If we treat them like a threat instead of helping them…”

    “Now doctor, do you really think they’ll want help?” Earl asked with a raised eyebrow, a soft scoff escaping his lips. “Once they let their Pokemon side kick in and see their abilities they will embrace it, that’s how humans are and combining that with Pokemon abilities does not make things better. So whether you like it or not we’re shutting this project down until we’re sure we’ve got what we need to deal with the Hybrids.”

    “So that’s what the higher ups decided,” Arlene pointed out with a frown as she glared at Earl, who on the other hand seemed to have calmed down a bit. Obviously a man with so much influence couldn’t be so…so despicable so as to condemn others so easily. Or maybe he was like that, maybe it was just more convenient for people to control Hybrids. “…and you want the blood samples don’t you?” she hissed.

    “The samples would help our new project quite a bit, and don’t worry since you have gone through all the trouble we are thinking of making you a supervisor plus we will repay you for all the hassle,” Earl Carter nodded his head politely, his words sounding as if they had been reused so many times that they just came out on their own, something that in turn annoyed Arlene even more. “Now since you were left in charge of the samples I will need your card so that I can take them out.”

    Arlene didn’t reply, instead turning to walk towards the door and making Earl stared at her retreating back. “I’m sorry, but I can’t agree to that,” she pointed out bitterly. “If you’re going to use the samples for such a thing then I’d rather just leave.”

    “That would be a crime and you know that doctor.”

    “I don’t care!” Arlene exclaimed, her fists clenching a bit as she glared at Dr. Carter, and what made it worse was the fact that he looked at her as if her reaction was crazy. “I can’t let you use those samples for something so selfish!”

    Earl didn’t reply, instead a grin crossed his face as Arlene walked out of the office. “Well, that went on as expected. These self-righteous scientists are all the same after all, and they can all be handled the same way.”

    Arlene made her way deeper into the lab; her pacing went on to become a quick walk as she hurried towards the elevator. She knew that Earl would send security on her, which meant that if she had any hope of getting rid of the samples it would be now. Her mind went back to Michael and what she had told him, to not worry and to believe in her. And now what? The project she was so proud of was being shut down and the samples that she and the others had worked hard to gather were going to be used for the wrong purpose.

    “I know this won’t help, but at least it’ll keep things even for everyone.” She muttered.

    Just as she was about to enter the elevator though something grabbed her attention, a loud sound that thundered through the building, something that made her heart dropped once she had figured what it was, a roar. Before long many subsequent roars began to resound, making everyone come out from their offices and proceed to run towards the ground floor; Arlene was no exception.

    “What’s going on?” she asked herself, knowing that something must’ve happened with the blood extractions. As she ran towards the stairs she came to pass Earl once more; however, unlike the other scientists he was sitting on one of the chairs of her office and looking down at the floor.

    She didn’t have time to worry though and instead kept going. “Just what is going on.” She stated.

    Earl looked at Arlene’s desk, his hand carefully rolling the pokeball around a bit before gently grabbing it. “You can’t stop a clock from turning missy.”

    ***

    Good evening everyone, I’m Sarah Fisherman and this is New Night in Kanto. Our main story for today is yesterday’s “Hybrid Outbreak” in Saffron City’s Research Center. The research center, which had been functioning as one of Kanto’s labs in charge of discovering a cure for Hybrids, suffered a rebellious break out of the Hybrids who they had been taking samples from.

    The cause for this sudden turn of events hasn’t been figured out, unfortunately there were up to 100 casualties and 300 wounded, with most of the casualties being the scientists that had been working there and the guards that tried to calm the crowd of Hybrids down.

    This, along with the bank robbery at Goldenrod and other recent Hybrid related events have caused the League Alliance to act. Already new laws are being created so as to keep Hybrids in check, some are considering prohibiting them to enter cities and towns and others insist they be apprehended.

    What may or may not happen in the future is still uncertain; unfortunately I feel that our days might be turning grimier from now on.

    ***

    Black was the only thing he could see, something that indeed matched the mood of the room itself. People walked around, vowing in front of him with sad expressions on their faces as they proceeded to sat down.

    Michael gently passed his small hand along the wooden surface that stood next to him, his eyes looking down at the floor before turning to his right. His mother, Arlene, or at least what was left of her was now resting in a carcass…that was it, that was the only thing that remained of his mother, a box that he hadn’t even been allowed to look into.

    “I’m sorry for your loss.”

    Michael raised his head to look at the old man standing in front of him, a soft smile on his face as he stood in front of him with his hand spread out, there was something about him that piqued Michael’s curiosity though, mainly the long scar that went along his left jaw. He looked at the small pokeball that he was holding on his palm. “My name is Earl Carter, I was one of your mom’s partners…I wish I could’ve helped her honestly.”

    “I see…” was all Michael said as he slowly grabbed the ball. “What’s this?”

    “That was going to be your mom’s present to you Michael,” Earl nodded his head before patting the little boy’s head. “I’m sorry for everything, if you ever feel like asking for help then just ask your aunt and uncle, I’ve already given them my number.”

    “Thanks…sir,” Michael muttered inaudibly as he stared at the ball. That was the only thing he had left of her, a present that he was never able to properly receive. He clenched on the ball as tears began to appear in his eyes. “Why mom…why?” he sobbed softly as he held the ball closer.

    With that the old man proceeded to turn around, a small grin on his face as he pocketed his hands. Now that Arlene was gone he had been able to obtain the samples he wanted…everything was going like he wanted it to. “Now it’s time, for Project Gemini to start.”

    Next Time: First Day on the Job

  3. #18
    J'ai Envie De Toi AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Damn. I'm getting a serious X-Men vibe here. Except cooler.

    I can see that Michael is going to be the bent on vengeance anti-hero. I wonder how long it'll take for him and Jessie to meet up. Another plot guess: It would seem that ghost and dark-types would receive the most prejudice since they're connoted with evil. In return that would make them act evil in frustration at the prejudice. That's what I was thinking when I first read through at least.

    It seems kind of weird that they would want to stop finding a cure in favor of combating the hybrids, as a cure would probably be the best weapon (again similar to X-Men).

    Awesome chapter, I can see why you're excited about this idea and I can't wait to see where it goes.

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    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Prologue & Chapter 1 Review

    Getting the technical stuff out of the way, there were some grammar mistakes and word confusion scattered around the chapter, and these can be fixed by just some revision and more technical reading.

    The world the story is set in has obviously been planned out and thought of in detail. I thought the dialogue was especially well done, with each character shining through their words. There were times in which I felt some scenes could have been cut, but looking back, they were there to inform the reader of the different points of view regarding these Hybrids.

    Throughout the chapters, a couple of questions popped into my mind: Are Pokémon affected by this? We saw humans develop Pokémon features, and there was some foreshadowing that indicated some Pokémon are going to be affected, but I could've misinterpreted it. It would be interesting to see these Hybrids coming from both Humans and Pokémon, and bridging the gap between the two. And the blood that was extracted; it has been established that it cannot be confirmed nor denied that the Hybrids can infect others; if someone had the same blood type as a Hybrid, can they adopt their powers through blood transfusion? And if so, would they be better at controlling these powers?

    Finally, it was a good, intriguing start to a story. Keep it up.

  5. #20
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Really interesting story you have going here! I agree with what Aether said, it definitely has an "X-Men" kinda vibe to it, and also if you ever played a game called "Shadowrun" it had a similar situation, where percentages of the population underwent some form of mutation. Doing this with pokémon seems like a really good topic for a story and i can't wait to see how the rest of it plays out.


    Keep it up and i look forward to reading what you come up with for this story in the future!

  6. #21
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    It does give some X-Men vibes nwo that I think about it, though I do plan it to not be like X-Men at the end of the day. I'm glad that you've all liked the setting so far and thankfully next chapter is where the real stories begin. I'll be doing my best so that this "real" first chapter can come out great.

    Also @Kyuuketsuki; those are a lot of questions that I'm happy you caught xD along with one of them that I hadn't thought of myself as of yet.

  7. #22
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Interesting. I definitely like the political angle you're taking here.

    I'd say you're going a little bit overboard on the details here. The best advice I can give you is to try and give us a part that suggests the whole, if you know what I mean.

  8. #23
    Poet Laureate AiedailEclipsed's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Mmmm. I've read both the prologue and the first chapter. Interesting, to say the least. There were a few grammatical mistakes here and there. A few odd word/style choices. The usual for any written work, basically. :B But other than that, it was great. This isn't normally my cup of tea, but I'll stick with it for now. I think you've got an interesting storyline and cast of characters to use to develop the fic. I'm particularly interested in seeing where these "meteors" or whatever they are, came from. Also of particular interest is going to be seeing who that mysterious figure from the end of the prologue is. Either way, good job. Continue the good work and I look forward to the next chapter! :)
    "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it."
    -- Narrator, Pokemon: Jirachi Wish Maker
    "You can't change the world without getting your hands dirty."
    -- Lelouch Lamperouge, Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion
    "Do I have a stamp on my forehead that says, 'The National Spokesperson for the Plight of Black People'? How the hell should I know the black perspective on The Color Purple? That's it, if I don't change classes, I'm gonna hurt this fool. Teachers treat me like I'm some kind of Rosetta stone for African-Americans. What? Black people learn how to read, and we all miraculously come to the same conclusion?"
    -- Victoria, Freedom Writers
    "N's heart is pure and innocent. But there is nothing more beautiful and terrifying than innocence."
    -- Concordia, Pokémon Black/White 2

  9. #24
    I'm ALIVE!!!!!!! nicolem_animefan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Wow. I was on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen. You did a great job building up suspense, and I can see that you've been writing for a long time. Your writing is smooth and everything flows naturally. I have to admit I cringed a little at the bloody parts (I'm really scared of horror stores) but the writing was done so well I praise you for it.

    It was surprising to me how fast a tragedy occurred so early in the story. Like some others said, it would have been interesting to build up some more character with the family members before wiping them out. Regardless, I understand why you did it.

    I am looking forward to future chapters.

    - - - > PS, The Next Chapter: A Pokemon Special Fanfic < - - -
    ~ Voice actress, writer, and passionate Pokemon lover. ~
    X: 4356-0580-1598 ● Skype: nicolem_animefan

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