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    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Requiem:Gemini

    Well this is a second fic that I've been working on for the last few weeks. I actually had the idea of this fic back when I was still in high school about three years ago. This idea was one of the best ones that came to me back in those days and because of that I never thought that I was good enough to actually put it down in writing. However, I decided that it's time for me to try a hand at this and see how it results.

    Before you start you should know that his fic included "Pokemorphs' in a way however, it's not what you would expect actually, Pokemorphs are Pokemon with human features...think about that and you will notice the difference once you reach the end of the chapter.
    @NoirGrimoir; @System Error; @Prof. Lugion;

    Mentioning you as requested.

    Anyways with that in mind I hope that you enjoy and remember to read and review.

    ***

    The night sky shone brightly; casting a beautiful shadow upon the large canyon. Silence filled this beautiful ridge; the cold wind blew through the area, creating a soft ominous whistle. The Pokemon around the canyon had long since gone into hiding, with the Pokemon of the night now coming out to search for prey to feast on.

    A pack of Mightyena wandered around in the bottom of the crater; their tails waving around with the wind as they scouted the place for any Pokemon too slow to hide. The pack raised their heads in surprised when a shadow fell upon them from atop the ridge.

    The shadow quickly passed by them; however, they still stared as they saw a large moving contraction drive by on the top of the canyon. The Pokemon quickly turned away and decided to go back to their business.

    The large RV coursed through the borders of the canyon, occasionally bouncing due to the rocks scattered around the road. A boy stared out the window from inside of it, his bored expression staring at the shining moon.

    The boy sighed, putting his head down on the wooden table in front of him. His reddish brown hair waved over his forehead as he stared at the girl that sat on the other side of the table from his; his frown never subsiding.

    Unlike her brother the girl was enlightened completely; finding the ride to be enjoyable. She combed her doll’s hair gently, carefully moving the comb down its hair while humming happily. She raised her head to look at her brother. “What are you looking at?” she asked with a frown.

    “Just at a weird girl playing with her dolls.” The boy pointed out with annoyance.

    “Now kids don’t argue.” Both of the kids looked up to see a woman walk out of the RV’s bathroom, a smile on her face and beautiful pink lips as she looked at her kids. “We came here for a family vacation so you should get along.”

    “Mom I’m twelve now.” The boy sighed with frustration and leaned against the seat. “Why do I still have to be dragged off, I told Roger that I was gonna go to his party.”

    “Mom! Jessie’s being mean!” The little girl whined as she pointed at her brother, something that didn’t help in changing the Jessie’s mood.

    “Sam it’s rude to point.” Their mom giggled. She knew that their kids argued a lot, even if there were only a few years of difference between them. She grabbed the little girl’s hand and gently lowered it, making her daughter smile a bit.

    Jessie just gazed upon them, not changing his expression one bit. He didn’t understand why he had to travel with them, he had a life of his own too and he couldn’t just put everything aside. “Next time I’d rather just stay home.” He grumbled before he stood up from the couch.

    “You know kid, family’s just as if not more important than friends.” Jessie turned towards the driver’s seat. He hated his step father, always acting like the cool guy and making him look bad in front of his mom and sister, Jessie only needed one dad and he was no longer there. The black haired man smiled at him, the wrinkles in his face showing a bit more as it stretched slightly. “You’ll cherish the memories you make, besides family’s all you’ve got at the end of the day.”

    Jessie groaned as he paced to the bathroom; his arm swatting the air when he turned around. His mother looked down at the floor as she petted Sam’s head, who was now happily giggling while playing with her dolls. “I know you miss him, but this is our life now.”

    “I’m gonna go on my journey when I turn thirteen,” Jessie said harshly. “Then you can all live your wonderful life without me.” With that he opened the door to the bathroom and proceeded to walk inside.

    He knew that he had overreacted but he just didn’t see what they liked. It had been four years since his father’s death sure, but that didn’t mean they could just put everything behind them. He leaned against the wall, his face looking downwards as he clenched his fists.

    He knew that it wasn’t easy on Sam or their mom either, he could still recall the days his mom would cry or how Sam would always ask where their dad had gone.

    Jessie shifted towards the floor, his face now becoming filled with shame and remorse. His mom was obviously trying hard to get over things and she was finally happy again and he has no reason to make his sister unhappy either. Finally there was his recent step dad who was at least trying to make his family get over their slump.

    “I hate it when I realize my mistakes.” Jessie sighed. He turned around to look at the window of the bathroom, a small square shaped glass that allowed him to see the night sky outside.

    He was able to see multiple shining stars passing by in the sky, something that caused Jessie to raise an eyebrow. “That’s weird, I didn’t know there was going to be a star shower.” He scratched his chin curiously.

    That’s when he noticed something else, one of the stars seemed to be descending slowly as it flew. Then, before he could even react the star collided from miles away, creating a large cloud of smoke as well as an explosion that managed to shake the road below the RV.

    He heard Sam’s screams and wails from outside of the room as well as the sound of the wheels skidding around so as to not tip over. He quickly grabbed onto the sink; though it was to no avail as he still fell to the floor with a loud thud.

    His head was buzzing and everything around him was shaking now. He could still hear Sam’s cries but he could also hear something else, more explosions. “What’s going on?” Jessie groaned as he stood up.

    “Jessie are you okay!?” He heard his mom call out form outside of the bathroom, though he was still trying to stand up right.

    “I’m fine mom!” Jessie yelled back as he reached out for the handle of the door.

    Then everything went dark, his eyes closed on instinct and all he could feel was his body thrown against the wall. He heard a loud explosion not too far from him as he bounced along with the RV.

    Like a rag doll he swerved and he could also hear the sound of crashing metal and the screams of his family from outside; probably trying to do their best to stop themselves from being hurt.

    He didn’t know what was happening, it was all supposed to be a normal vacation, but now it had all turned for the worst.

    Finally it stopped and as he laid there on the ground there was only one thought on his mind, Sam and his mother's wellbeing. He moved his hand slowly but his body wouldn’t budge at all. He noticed something strange though. His hand, it felt softer in a way as if something was covering his skin.

    It wasn’t something like fur, but rather feathers; it tingled against his skin. Slowly he began to stand up, almost as if all the pain he had suffered from was finally vanishing. He groaned once more; finally getting on his feet.

    As soon as he stood a soft crack was heard throughout the room. He raised his head slightly before looking down at the floor; or rather the door that was where the floor was supposed to be. Jessie’s eyes widened and before he could do anything to get away his body fell through the door, creating a large crack as the sound of breaking wood spread through the room.

    He fell to the ground; letting out a loud yelp as the pain from the crash spread through his back. He stood perplexed though when he once more started to feel the pain it vanished. Normally something like that would’ve been enough to break someone’s spine if they hit themselves too hard, but he was completely fine.

    It was at this point that Jessie realized something she should’ve before, it wasn’t just his hands but rather his whole body, when he fell it had been as if his fall had been cushioned due to the fact that he hadn’t even felt the floor…or rather the wall. Under him was the door of the RV, which finally allowed him to realize that the whole thing had been turned sideways from the crash.

    He scanned the area around him; though it was hard for him to see anything through the darkness of the room. He walked deeper into the RV and began to roughly make out some shapes, one of them was lying motionless against the wall and the other one seemed to have been caught in the aisle that separated the driver’s seat and the couches.

    Jessie’s heart began to skip, his eyes opening wide as he began to realize what he was staring at. He tried to move, to get closer and check on them, to see if there was still hope. It was to no avail though and the more he thought about what was lying in front of him the more his body refused to move. He looked towards the aisle, knowing that it had been his step dad who had fallen there. His head seemed to had suffered from multiple hits and was bleeding so much that his black hair had now turned a darker shade of red.

    “Shit…you have got to be kidding me…” Jessie stuttered and then looked down at the body that was only a few inches away from him.

    Jessie’s mother was sprawled on the floor, her face covered in blood and her mouth being halfway open. She seemed to have gotten her neck twisted as her head was slightly cocked. As Jessie stared at his mom’s motionless body it finally began to dawn on him, She was holding onto another body; one that Jessie didn’t need to see to figure out who it was.

    “….Sam….” Jessie’s lip quivered in fear. He, with every fiber of his being, turned away from his family. He had to find a way to get out of the RV and see what had happened on the outside, but mostly he wanted to get away from it all, to forget about what he had just seen, to forget about the fact he had lost them all.

    Jessie opened one of the windows above him and climbed out, noticing that he seemed to have more arm strength that he had believed.

    However, it was when he had finally gotten out that he noticed why he had felt so different before. His body was now surrounded by orange colored feathers, arms, legs, his face and everything. He looked down at his legs; finally seeing the pair of talons that were where his legs once were. He hadn’t noticed it before due to the commotion but his body felt hotter than usual, as if the feathers were providing extra heat for him.

    The feathers as well as the features, he had seen them all before; though it had only been in textbooks. Torchic, a fire Pokemon that can be found in Hoenn, though a rare one.

    Of course, knowing what he resembled didn’t make things any better for Jessie. His eyes fell on the orange feathers with shock and bewilderment. What had happened to him? How could his appearance suddenly change completely?

    That’s when Jessie finally gazed upon the site before him. He was standing a midst a sea of flames. Everything had been burned, from the rocks to the few patches of nature that could’ve been seen and even some Pokemon seemed to have been charred by the flames. Jessie didn’t say anything, instead looking in horror.

    Amidst the flames he saw a lone black figure, its body slowly making the flames that were in front of it form two different sides; almost as if its sheer presence caused nature itself to fear it. Jessie stared at this figure and stepped back. Even he could feel it, a heavy weight that fell on top of him, pushing his body with the intent of breaking him down.

    He stared at the creature as it finally walked out of the flames. However, while he tried to make out its appearance his fear would only allow him to see one thing, those black colored eyes, completely devoid of any kindness or feelings, eyes that reflected his own grief.

    It was supposed to be a normal trip, he was supposed to act like the whiny teenager and then change his ways in the middle of the trip. That was not the case though and everything had changed now, his life had changed in more ways than one.
    Last edited by Flaze; 11th February 2013 at 11:12 PM.

  2. #2
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    This text is hard to read... DX

    Sorry to whine, but the light blue blends in with the Beast of the Sea skin that I use.

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    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    @Prof. Lugion; sorry I couldn't notice that with the screen I use, it should hopefully be fixed now.

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    Sweet Kiss! SwampertShoes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Hey, wow! I really liked the beginning. The Mightyena were just a menacing touch. *Nod* Poor kid! What an awful start to being half-Pokemon. ._. Haha, isn't it more like human, with Pokemon features? XD
    Ahem, alright, I like the writing, it's pretty good. =] There were some moments I could tell you were pretty into the story! Other moments were kind of explanatory, rather than emotional, but it wasn't bad at all. And it was a little hard to tell which Pokemon he had sort of morphed with/into, so maybe brush up on that? Unless it was intentional, of course, aha! The ending was particularly great, with all of the wording and the new (scary) person. And the last thing on my mind is that there were some sort of "cliche" lines, or at least I find cliche/worn, but I don't think it's necessary to cut 'em or anything. :p The banner is awesome, by the by!
    I'll be waiting to see what exactly Requiem: Gemini represents!
    ~I'm here without you, baby
    But you're still on my lonely mind
    I think about you, baby
    And I dream about you all the time~

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    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Hm. I still think it was an interesting concept, though this might have been better left for later on in the story.

    Sorta like Fullmetal Alchemist, where we don't actually learn the brothers' backstory until we've already become acquainted with them.

    Still, the prose itself was all right. You had a few grammatical mistakes here and there, but like I've said before, I can let them slide since you're a non-native speaker.

    There's really not much to go off of just yet, so I'll leave the longer, more in-depth reviews for later chapters. :P

  6. #6
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    I wanted to focus on Jessie's past for the prologue as a way for people to notice how he changes when he appears next time, plus doing it this way makes it a bit easier for me later on.

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    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Poor Jessie. I really liked this first part and can't wait to see what happens next. Finally something a little bit different than what I'm use to reading. (Which is nothing but wrestling...lol.)
    Fan Fic: Loving Hope
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    ^^ Safe-T's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Well, you're off to a great start. The description was good, and I'm intrigued. I think this is one of the few original idea for a pokemon fanfiction, usually people go with pokemorphs or furies, but this is a lot more interesting.

    COMING SOON!

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    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Oh crap damn it I knew I forgot something xD

    Sorry @Lance; I'll put the credits starting next chapter.

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    Hex Mistress NoirGrimoir's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Hey Flaze! I told you I'd read your fic, and I did but at the time I didn't think I could give you an adequate review because it was pretty late and I had a lot to say, so here I go now, my honest opinions, I hope they help you!


    First of all, I'll talk about the superficial stuff--the technical aspects. I think your flow and sentence structure have great bones, and in my opinion, that's the hardest part about writing and the sort of thing that's really difficult to teach. You've either got it or you don't. Tons of people who try to write don't have it down. Hell, plenty of published authors don't have a natural sense of it and teach themselves with only moderate results. If you have that, you've got about seventy percent of writing already mastered, and I think in your case, you're well on your way to it, so good job there! The other thirty percent could use some work, though. Luckily this is mostly a matter of knowing the rules, but that means there isn't much of a valid excuse to get this wrong, so I hope that after telling you this, you'll do it properly in the future.

    Firstly: punctuation around dialogue. Mainly, you are putting periods where there should be commas. A line of dialogue that ends in a tag ('he said' or 'she said', are examples of 'tags') is never punctuated by a period. NEVER. They can be punctuated by an exclamation, (!) a question mark, (?) or even ellipses (...) or an m-dash (--), but never a period. Ever. And here you've done it basically every time. The only time it is proper to end a dialogue with a period is when there is no tag at the end.

    For example:

    “Just at a weird girl playing with her dolls.” The boy pointed out with annoyance.
    In this sentence you wrote, there should be a comma after 'dolls', not a period, and 'the' should be lower case, because 'the boy pointed out with annoyance.' is a tag.

    In this one however:

    “We came here for a family vacation so you should get along.”
    The period here is fine because there is no tag, that's the end of the sentence/phrase.

    Another problem that I've seen you do a lot is use semicolons (;) where you should be using commas. Probably about ninety percent of your semi-colons should be commas actually and about eight percent of the rest should be periods. A semi-colon is used in one of two ways. One: to anchor one sentence to a related sentence. (For the record, a sentence must have a subject and a preposition, AKA an action, to qualify as such, everything else being optional.) Two: as a 'super comma' when doing a really elaborate list of phrase which in turn use commas, mostly for practical visual purposes. We'll ignore the second because the situation is fairly rare. I think I've used it for that situation only once or twice myself in my fanfiction experience. I can kind of see how someone who might be trying overly hard to be literature-y or proper could make the mistake of over-using semi-colons, so I can't blame you too much. And I suppose if you aren't all that clear on when to use it, it can be sort of hard to figure it out on your own, but here I'll try to explain it to you with an example.

    We'll use this first sentence you wrote:

    The night sky shone brightly; casting a beautiful shadow upon the large canyon.
    This semi-colon should be a comma. Why? Because the second half of this sentence isn't a sentence in it's own right. Remember, a semi-colon is used to anchor one sentence to a related sentence, not a sentence fragment. If you said, "Casting a beautiful shadow upon the large lake," on it's own, it would make no sense. Instead what this is (or should be), is a 'complex sentence.' So it is made up of two or more sentences/phrases what-have-you, one of which can stand alone, and one or more of which is reliant on the other to make sense. In the first part, "The night sky shone brightly," make sense. (Subject) What? The night sky. (Action) What did it do? It shone. (Modifying Adjective) How did it do it? It did it brightly.

    The same can't be said of the second part. "Casting a beautiful shadow upon the large canyon." (subject) What? Taken alone, we have no idea, just that whatever it is is casting a shadow. It's completely missing a Subject altogether. That is unless you add a comma instead of a semi-colon and suddenly it's one sentence. (Subject) Now, what? The night sky. (Action) What did it do? It shone, which resulted in a shadow being cast on a canyon. In other words, the second part of the sentence once attached is understood in this way-- "(The night sky) cast a beautiful shadow upon the large canyon."

    By contrast, in this sentence:

    The shadow quickly passed by them; however, they still stared as they saw a large moving contraption drive by on the top of the canyon.
    You could use a semi-colon here if you really wanted to. In the first part of the sentence he have (Subject) What? The shadow. (Action) What did it do? It passed by them. (Modifying Adjective) How did it do it? Quickly. In the second part, we have (Subject) What? They. (Action) What did they do? They stared. (Object) What did they stare at? A large moving contraption. A Subject and an action are both present so it's grammatically correct, though I still wouldn't put a semi-colon, if it were me. I would suggest writing it this way:

    The shadow passed them quickly, though they continued to stare as a large moving contraption drove by on the top of the canyon.
    Just a suggestion. This is a matter of personal style however, so I bend to your preferences.

    So the lesson is, unless both phrases make sense on their own, don't use a semi-colon. While I used to love the semi-colon and was a total advocate and semi-colon whore, I've actually fallen out of using it a lot since I've started writing a lot of first-person and first-person like third-person narrative, and there's a reason for that: you're brain doesn't think in semi-colons. Personally I now find the semi-colon to be sort of superfluous as a punctuation mark, even awkward, and I highly advocate to stop using it almost altogether. In my own story on here, I don't think I've use done even once. A comma or period works equally well in the vast majority of cases.

    On another note, I actually like the bare-bones style you have here. I think people get bogged down a lot on writing superfluous details that don't really matter, and you've managed to beautifully evade that problem while still remaining clear and understandable. I approve of that. Also, while I'm actually not a huge fan of prologues I think in this case it was a good idea.

    That's basically all I plan to say with much detail on the subject of grammar and punctuation. I hope I made sense, I'm not exactly an English teacher. Some of your sentences where a little choppy and could be condensed to flow better, but again, I said the bones of the writing were good and I believe that it is more a matter of going back over your chapters before posting them to get that fixed. There were also a couple spelling mistakes, but again, you just need to re-read your story. I suggest reading it aloud, or if you aren't too shy, have someone else read it aloud to you. I know people who say that helps in catching little mistakes like type-os.

    Now onto the the story itself. I've read a few pokemorph stories and I actually liked them, so I have high hopes for reading another one. I'm pretty interested in what is going on here, as I can't identify what pokemon it was that fell, assuming it is indeed a pokemon. (Is it Deoxys? I bet it's Deoxys.) Early in the chapter you set up a great family dynamic in a very short span of writing which is really admirable to me, (if I had a nickname, it would probably be Miss Long-winded, so I find this really impressive). Jessie himself comes off as a typical whinny preteen who thinks they're the center of the world, which I reckon is exactly what you were going for. You did a superb job communicating that with, again, the clearest, fastest way possible, and you did it with his own words and actions, which is the right way to do it, so bravo. I'm with-holding final judgement on him though until I see how his future self is after this event, but I have a good feeling about it. I think you have good instincts for communicating character to the audience.

    I think the comet-shower is an interesting concept for causing the pokemorph. When I've read it, it was usually genetic experimentation that caused it, so this is somethign new to me in a story. I like it though. Considering at least a few pokemon seem to have come from space, it seems logical that somethign from space might cause this kind of thing. I'm confused as to the nature of the pokemorph concept as written in your story though. Did Jessie turn into a Torchic, or is he a humanoid Torphic-like fusion? I think this could have been more clear. Granted int he confusion Jessie might not have been able to really figure it out himself all that well, but I think you should have dropped enough hints that, even if Jessie himself didn't know what the deal was, the audience could put two and two together and figure it out. This is sort of a little thing, but I don't think Jessie was a good choice on the name for the sole reason that Jessie is already the name of an extremely prominent character in the anime. It's like if you had named your character Ash or Misty. Even if it's not confusing it's sort of weird. While I know int he poke-verse there are no doubt tons of people who share her name, even some boys, still it's sort of common to not re-use names, for differentiation's sake.

    I am definitely curious to see what will happen next. The tragedy of the 'story that might have been', mentioned near the end is a heart-wrenching concept that you've executed in a blunt but not ineffective way. Even though you've spelled it out for the audience, it still works and doesn't feel like you're hitting us over the head with it. I anticipate a lot of emotional content in this story which is something I like. This really sets the tone for a dramatic, possibly even dark fic, and if that's what you're going for, which it appears to be, then a job well done. (Thought hopefully thinks aren't too dark. I don't like sad endings... i^i).

    All in all, it's not perfect, but I sense a lot of potential and am interested to see where this story is going. Please keep writing! I hope this review is helpful to you! You can put me on the permanent tag list.
    Last edited by NoirGrimoir; 17th February 2013 at 05:19 AM.

    Official Claimer of the Pokemon Pumpkaboo | Official Claimer of the Move Trick-Or-Treat | Official Claimer of the Items Silph Scopeand Odd Keystone.
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  11. #11
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Firstly: punctuation around dialogue. Mainly, you are putting periods where there should be commas. A line of dialogue that ends in a tag ('he said' or 'she said', are examples of 'tags') is never punctuated by a period. NEVER. They can be punctuated by an exclamation, (!) a question mark, (?) or even ellipses (...) or an m-dash (--), but never a period. Ever. And here you've done it basically every time. The only time it is proper to end a dialogue with a period is when there is no tag at the end.
    Wow really? I actually used to do it like that where I put comas at the end of the quote, but then people told me that I could only do that when "insert name here" said came later so I started using periods for it all.


    I actually didn't know that about semicolons and I've always had a problem with them so thank you for explaining :) I'll try to use them better next time.

    While I used to love the semi-colon and was a total advocate and semi-colon whore
    I quoted this for no particular reason except it kind of made me laugh xD

    About what you said about prologues. Oddly enough while I've done prologues for most of my stories before this is the first one that actually fits as a prologue so I was as surprised as you are.


    I cannot answer what the Pokemon is with a proper answer *looks away skeptically* but it's good you have a guess xD.


    Regarding Jessie, it's the latter, he turned into a blend between them both, like he has a human body coupled with Pokemon aspects (his legs changed to that of a Torchic and he's covered in feathers but he still has arms and he doesn't have a beak) And yeah I didn't notice the name till like after I had already written it. Though I managed to find a way to fix that problem for later chapters.

    Regarding whether the fic will be too dark or not I guess that'll depend on how I do the things I have planned but I do want it to be serious.

    I'll make sure to implement everything you've thought me in this review, for both this fic and my academy one and I'm extremely thankful :) and I'll make sure to add you to the list xD

  12. #12
    Hex Mistress NoirGrimoir's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Wow really? I actually used to do it like that where I put commas at the end of the quote, but then people told me that I could only do that when "insert name here" said came later so I started using periods for it all.
    Well, they are right. You don't use just commas or just periods for everything, and it's not really optional, you don't get to choose. Assuming you aren't using an ! or ?, if there is a tag, you use a comma. If there is no tag, you use a period. This is the rule. It's actually pretty easy to look this stuff up on the internet so if you ever have a doubt, go ahead and google it. Here's a page on Punctuation around dialogue that you can peruse to your heart's content.

    You're welcome for the review. In you're next one I will grade you on how you've improved. O_O Mwahahaha~!

    Just kidding. But really, if you do better on the grammar stuff I will give you imaginary internet cookies. Or give you a doodle or something. You know, for encouragement purposes.

    Official Claimer of the Pokemon Pumpkaboo | Official Claimer of the Move Trick-Or-Treat | Official Claimer of the Items Silph Scopeand Odd Keystone.
    If you like comedy, check out my fanfic "You Win Some, You Lose Some" (CHAPTER THREE UP!) | For some supplementary art, visit NG's Sketches 'n Stuff!

  13. #13
    ^^ Safe-T's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    @NoirGrimoir; you my friend should have been voted both, best new comer and best reviewer. Seriously, even though this isn't my story your review helped me, a lot.

    COMING SOON!

  14. #14
    Hex Mistress NoirGrimoir's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Wow, thanks a lot! Well, there's always next time around!

    Just for anyone reading as well as for Flaze (this is his thread and story after all). I'm open to being personally messaged and asked my opinion about writing-type things, cuz I'm a helper like that. I'm not an expert, but I think my opinion comes from a pretty good place and the asker is welcome to use or ignore the opinion as they see fit.

    Official Claimer of the Pokemon Pumpkaboo | Official Claimer of the Move Trick-Or-Treat | Official Claimer of the Items Silph Scopeand Odd Keystone.
    If you like comedy, check out my fanfic "You Win Some, You Lose Some" (CHAPTER THREE UP!) | For some supplementary art, visit NG's Sketches 'n Stuff!

  15. #15
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Requiem:Gemini

    Found it! :D

    I haven't read the other reviews, so i'll just post any grammar mistakes i see.




    A good start. I like Jessie's character and the portrayal of the family, though i feel for him with what happened.
    Interesting that you would have all this happen in the prologue though, as it rather lessens the impact of it, as we didn't know the characters enough to get a sense of what had been truly lost.
    As with the whole
    i can't wait to see how you explain and evolve it, and also reveal who the dark figure is!


    Make sure you let me know when the next chapter comes out!

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