12th February 2012, 08:58 PM #1
RaccoonGoon's First (and only) Crack Fic.
I haven't written anything in so long, and since I've never wrote anything like a crack fic before, I figured I'd get it over with. This is not to be taken as a serious piece of work. I wrote it in 20 or so minutes, so don't expect a lot.
"Pretty Pallet Town."
One pretty day in Pallet Town, Ash Ketchum, Pokemon Master, was in his room. His faithful companion, Pikachu, was down the hall using the toilet. The screams of “pikaaaaaaughhh” echoed through out the house, as the Electric Type had eaten some Olive Garden the night before.
His mother had went across the way to Gary’s house. She had said that he needed help with some studies or something. She blushed, giggled, and went on her way. Ash was sure why she had went over in her lingerie, though.
Now that he was alone, he swiftly dashed to his PC and powered it on. As the start up hum sounded, he unbuckled his belt, un-looped it, and threw it on his bed.
“The best pace is a suicide pace and today’s a good day to masturbate.”
Our young hero pulled up the Intrarnet and typed the name of his favorite website onto the screen: PokemonBumPokers.
Suddenly, a sound came from downstairs, a sound that wasn’t Pikachu’s intestines coming from his little yellow bum-hole. It was the door opening and closing.
Ash hastily zipped up his trousers and minimized the website. The bulge in his pants would have to remain for the time being. The sound of feet were heard climbing the stairs, turning, and coming down the hall towards his room. A blood curdling “pikaaaaaaaaughghgh” sounded, followed by a heavy “ker-plusssshh”
The door opened, and to his surprise, it was Brock!
“Ash! Ash! Great news! I-”
The young man noticed Ash sitting awkwardly in his chair, then noticed the protruding he erection he was trying to hide.
“Um…maybe another time, buddy…”
Brock put up his hands in an apologetic manner and started to back away.
Another scream of agony came from Pikachu followed by what sounded like a landslide, the stench seeping into the hallway. Something inside Ash snapped. He didn’t know what, so he stood up, eyes fixed on his former friend.
“A-Ash, what are you doing?”
With one swift kick, Ash’s leg flew up with great speed, connecting to Brock’s crotch. Brock let out a yell and crumpled on the floor. Slowly, a puddle of blood formed around the man holding onto his shattered testicles. Ash smirked.
“Mega Kick, bitch.”
Another Pikachu yell and the smell of poop was now in Ash’s room. Then, more footsteps were heard climbing the staircase.
“Aw hell, now who could it be?”
A voice sounded from the hallway.
“Ash? Is Brock up there with you? Ash, I- Oh my god, what’s that smell? It smells like Jessie’s vulva…oh god…”
Pikachu sounded like he was in tears now as he let loose another blast of feces. The smell amplified. Misty burst through the door and saw Brock in a pool of his own blood, still clasping his crotch.
“Oh my god ash! Did you do this?”
Another surge of anguish from Pikachu, the smell was very pungent now, and a strange brownish water started to come from under the bathroom door.
Ash was silent, glaring at Misty, who for some reason was wearing combat boots.
“Ash! You bastard! You may of killed him!”
Still no reply from Ash. He took one step forward.
“Ash, st-stay back! What’s gotten into you?”
“I must protect 9/11” was his only response.
The brown-stained water, along with the smell, was now all kinds of inside Ash’s room, flowing around the fallen Brock and other items in the room, it almost came up to Misty’s ankles. Almost. It was also flowing down the stairs, where the family Mr.Mime was trying to drink it all up with a bendy straw, it’s only means of cleaning and defense.
“I MUST PROTECT,” another step toward Misty, who was now frozen in fear.
Another scream from Pikachu.
“9/11!” He was now inches from Misty. With the force and wrath of one thousand Republicans he popped Misty’s head like a grape between his clenched fists, sending fragments and blood everywhere. Her headless body fell beside Brock, into the filth water, causing a splash.
Ash, covered in poop-water and blood, let out a laugh before throwing out the peace sign and smiling.
Finally, the rumbling and screaming coming from the bathroom stopped. Out stepped Pikachu, walking bowlegged and everything. He had been through hell and back. He sloshed through his own waste, just not caring anymore. He made it halfway down the hallway before slumping against the wall and just sitting there, staring into space.
With all the commotion over with, he sat back down and continued to do what most young men do on the intrarnet. He thought he heard his mother giggling across the street, but he quickly dismissed it.
Somewhere, a Pidgey flew off a tree branch.
All was well in pretty Pallet Town.
13th February 2012, 06:23 PM #2
Re: RaccoonGoon's First (and only) Crack Fic.
I don't think they have Olive Garden in Pallet Town.