The Prize [oneshot, G]

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Thread: The Prize [oneshot, G]

  1. #1
    Avenging Remora of Doom Jedi_Amara's Avatar
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    Default The Prize [oneshot, G]

    The Prize
    by Jedi_Amara


    Author's Note: I was bored, so I decided to try to prove that a one-shot doesn't have to be 1400 words. :P XD. If this turns out really weird, blame it on the fact that I was listening to Australian punk music while writing it. Something With Numbers is pure brilliance. Oh yeah, and the fact that I wrote it in half an hour while waiting for my little brother to log on.

    Whirling, swishing, turning, wishing; dryad, nymph, spirit, wisp; everything is here tonight, and it all suddenly feels right...

    The dancer pirouettes, skirt swirling around her, a form shrouded in grace. There is an audience, but she does not see it; her mind blocks out all ambient sound. For her, there is only the music, and herself.

    Here an arabesque, there a twirl; no longer does she dance to the music - instead, the music plays her...

    Here she turns, closes her eyes; she leans into the stage, allows the music to take her, lets it swallow her. Soft harmonies intertwine, the sounds of woodwind mixing with strings. She feels, more than hears, what is next to come.

    A sudden discord sounds. The dancer is not jolted; instead, a faint smile touches her lips, and she moves quickly into a grand jeté, almost floating from one side to the other. Perhaps she does float - it's hard to tell.

    No one knows what passes through the mind of a dancer at the height of a leap - a prayer? Elation? Does the dancer reach out through her mind and lift herself from the ground, using only the power of thought? This dancer could - but there is no telltale blue glow; no way to know.

    And now it winds down; she still turns, but there is a difference now. No loss of concentration, but a lessening of pressure, maybe. A reduction of something intangible, impalpable, imaginary.

    She slows, and finally stops, lifting her head to look out - not at the audience, but at something beyond it. There is a sense of power, of something too great to envisage. The feeling passes as quickly as it came.

    The final curtsy; she turns gently and walks - no, glides - into the wings, to meet the other who stands there, watching, entranced.

    The master of ceremonies stands at the lectern.
    "And that was Entrant No. 17, Ashara's Kirlia, in the 14th Annual Pokémon Talent Quest," he says, but she does not hear him, still lost in the emotions of the dance.

    The softest whisper cuts the unrecognised applause, dancing on the breeze: let's go. The dancer follows the other out; it's no longer the prize that matters, but the dance.

  2. #2
    Java Girl Barb's Avatar Retired Staff
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    After reading several of your fics tonight, I'm very impressed with your writing. This story reminded me of my childhood dance recitals. Very well done.

  3. #3
    Avenging Remora of Doom Jedi_Amara's Avatar
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    Thanks ^^; I hope the dance stuff made sense, then. I only did a year of very basic ballet, and remember none of it XD.

  4. #4
    Um yeah, um.. hi. PyroCross's Avatar
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    ^^ It still sounds good. Short and flows really well - like Barb said, definitely very impressive - I'll say that much.

  5. #5
    Small and Deadly
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    Like the other fic of yours that I've read, very well written. You have a good style. It's simple, which I like. No overuse of adjectives or adverbs.

    Do you have any longer works or do you write only oneshots?
    Riding Fire
    A (very short and completed) original character fanfic about Rapidash Racing.

  6. #6
    Avenging Remora of Doom Jedi_Amara's Avatar
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    My very first Pokémon fic was a chapter-fic, I never got past the first chapter and it's not very good but it's on my FF.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/~jediamara

    After that I started writing oneshots (this was late last year), they're all up here so far. My latest work is a chapter-fic, "Juxtaposition", but I've only done one chapter so far and it's very different.

  7. #7
    The Astute cynic
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    You know I came into this, with a slight bias already. GOing to the thread view of all the threads in Stories cafe, all one will see is four or five oneshots by you. SO, like the retard that i am, I prejudged and figured your stuff must either be incredibly rushed or just pure and utter crap to be posted in such a haphazard manner, cluttering up the front page while being inconsiderate to a minimalist mod. =P


    But this is great stuff.

    A bit too thick at times with the description.

    But, have you thought of putting up your stuff in one topic? You can call it the OneShot heard around the world. whoo =) ALthough you'll probably get more replies this way than by having them in one topic. I know this to be true personally.
    " Jesus Christ -The Lord and Saviour of the Christian faith. Also a big fan of FPS and Fighting Games. He enjoys shooting people in online games when they are talking, and "throwing up the horns" when he wins. Also known for his legendary skill in Mario Kart: Double Dash - for his ability to "bring those blue sparks" (qtd from Wikipedia).

  8. #8
    Avenging Remora of Doom Jedi_Amara's Avatar
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    OK ^^; Well, I only just joined, and I've posted up *everything* I've written this year so far XD. Don't worry, I don't write really fast or anything. With university taking up so much of my time, I'm lucky if I get one fic done a month XD.

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