2nd February 2012, 06:16 PM #1
Just a quick note this is just to give an idea of what the story will be about. I'd love to hear criticism, negative or positive I'm not bothered by it.
The hall was eerily quiet whilst my heart sounded loud enough to echo round. I was confident; this exam seems extremely easy but maybe too easy. Glancing at each question the answers were coming to my head so quickly it was actually shocking me. In primary school I’d never been this quick, I got good grades but answers took me a while to figure out - the fifty questions before me just seemed like they were there to trick us. Make us think it was one thing but it was actually another, but I couldn’t find anything as each answer just seemed so simple. This was making me nervous, I’ve always been confident that I’d pass the exam but not with the ease it will have taken if these answers were all correct, it’s just too strange. With two thousand applicants only sixty could enter but with the answers so easy there is a possibility that they will have too many passing, obviously interviews and battling are taken into account but the exam is where a lot of people either cement or lose their place at the academy, and it looks like so many could cement it.
My watch, a specially made watch with a Fearow hologram on the front, showed that only three minutes of the hour exam was left. I rested my head down on the palms of my eyes and slowly closed my eyes, the sweat on my palms causing my head to slowly slide but they near enough stayed in place for the remainder of the exam which I counted slowly by.
“Now, pens down!” a croaky voice declared, coming from the small, humpbacked man who was stood at a podium in the front. “Any talking would result in your disqualification, face the front and wait until we tell you to move.”
After a few minutes the hall was dismissed, I along with five hundred other students students quickly but silently made our way out the hall into the school grounds which already full of other students who had been in the other three halls - my hands were still sweating so I wiped them on my jeans and looked for my mum. I didn’t want to be here, I just wanted to get home and sleep, which I did, wake in the morning with the confidence I usually have and just wait till the May third when the results on whether we’d made it into the academy were sent home. The six month process from applying to interviews, interviews to battles, battles to exam and exam to results seems so long but in reality the days slip by quickly, and I can barely remember anything in between but in no time I was waking to the sound of my mum shouting upstairs, insisting I get down instantly.
“It’s here Niall! The results are here,” she was nearly excited as I was, the joy of having a son at the prestigious Hoenn Academy was something that she could be proud of. Her hands shaking she passed the brown envelope to me, I slid my finger in and slit it two. A crisp white letter fell out, landing on the table. “Open it up,” she said picking up the piece of paper.
Slowly I began unfolding it, my eyes closing whilst doing so. “Aaaah!” my mother screams, “you got in, you got in!” She grabs the letter from my grasp and reads the top line carefully again but I donn’t care she ruined the surprise, I got in. That’s what I wanted and I got it. I discarded chairs and kicked cushions away as I jump ecstatically round the room, how amazing, I was going to Hoenn Academy.
I slide into bed but I'm restless; kicking off the covers, pulling them back on, sitting on the couch at the front of my bed, pacing the room, climbing on to the roof through my window – eventually I settle into bed and drift into a calm slumber, a soft purr from my lips as I slept away my exhaustion. My day had consisted of large hours spent in different shops buying new clothes, new equipment, and new books. A list had been provided of what I’d need and the recommended shops to go to and my mother made us follow it to the tee. If it wasn’t obvious before her excitement definitely was now, it’s starting to get a little annoying.
Little happens in the one remaining month of school, I graduate peacefully and enter the dull, boring summer months that block the joy of going to the academy. I go to the beach, I go for a walk, I hang with friends. But I don’t wanna do that. I’ll probably never see most of them again and I’d rather end my memories with them being happy times at school than being bored with them in summer doing tedious, repetitive stuff. I don’t want those to be my last memories so I stick with the few people I know I’ll see again on my return during school holidays but even the time spent with them is quite boring – I just can’t stop thinking about start of term.
Last edited by NiallC; 12th February 2012 at 02:40 PM.
2nd February 2012, 10:53 PM #2
I Put On Fo My City
A few grammar issues ("Slowly I unfolding it..." at the beginning of 3rd to last paragraph), and be careful not to switch from past tense to present tense. But overall, really good!
I love the suspense of a test and how you describe it. I can really relate having been in school not long ago, and yeah, you definitely capture that sense in your writing. I also like your level of description elsewhere (the eerie quiet in the beginning for example). It makes your story really vivid and enjoyable to read.
2nd February 2012, 11:21 PM #3
"I just can’t stop thinking about start of term."
I don't quite understand this sentence.
Anyways, you had a good start, but after the exam, time literally flew. I didn't like it since it felt too quick. Maybe if you took more time on description, even with the time jumps. For example, you could describe Niall's emotions during the interviews and battles. Describe the stress, the perseverance to get through, and etc. Small little details are important to build up the story.
You're ending ended...well...boringly. There's no cliff hanger that has got me interested, and I don't even see a anything that can form a plot. It's important that you don't waste precious paragraphs for nothing, or else it's gonna leave readers reluctant to keep reading. You should always have something for the readers that they can anticipate. Right now, I can only anticipate Niall going to school.
3rd February 2012, 11:01 AM #4
Yeah thanks I had wrote a quick note at the beginning saying I was struggling with the tenses but I didn't want to seem vain so removed it and tried to sort as many problems as I could find, obviously I didn't get them all haha. And I like description so you'll see a lot of it in future chapters but sometimes I over do it so I'll have to watch out for that.
Erm what is confusing about that sentence? Niall is excited to start at the academy and can't stop thinking about, nothing confusing there I don't think. Unless you're not from England and confused by my use of "term", well for us a term is a semester, so he is looking forward to the start of the semester. I guess I'll have to cut back on using too many local words haha. Also I just wanted to give a quick intro to the story without going straight to the academy, I also wanted to show a bit of his personality. Niall is a very confident guy and the reason he is nervous about the exam is due to how easyhe found it, he was under no stress in the interviews and battles because he knew he could perform. I also didn't want to try and stick 6 months of events in to a small intro really so I guess that is the reasoning for the focus on the exam where most of his thoughts will be. As I've said it was just an intro and I didn't want to go shoving too much into it, the main plot will start to appear in the next few chapters but hopefully won't be too obvious that readers will guess it straight away - it'll probably be a bit like in the anime where they only bother to show tidbits of TRs actions in Unova to keep people interested but not give too much away.
3rd February 2012, 09:43 PM #5
I think the sentence should be: "I just can't stop thinking about the start of the term.
Maybe it's not required to have the articles, but it makes much more sense to me with them in it.
Anyways, not introducing the main plot is okay, but I'd really like to see foreshadowing instead of just characterization.
7th February 2012, 04:15 PM #6
Oops, sorry about the length of this I put a bit too much in and cut out as much as I could so this is what is left. Only one bit of foreshadowing for the plot so far but hopefully should get a few bits in the next chapter.
Rustboro City was huge; I hadn’t noticed my first time here. Home of Devon Corp they commandeered a grand building in the north west of town, a busy place and the centre of business in the city. The gym, with its leader Roxanne as tough as the type of Pokemon she uses, stands in the north east part of town like the final challenge of Rustboro as trainers head north or west to continue their journeys. Hoenn Academy was in the south east of town with huge grounds that allowed for large dorms, small arenas and large environments for trainers to capture Pokemon to help them further their education. The whole town was grand, towering over each new person who enters definitely suitable for its job of showing what the Hoenn league is made of.
I spent the morning following the tour guide round; the sixty of us who had been accepted were split into four groups upon our arrival that would be our forms. The four were Fire Red, Water Blue, Lightning Yellow and Leaf Green and I was in Water Blue, a dorm known for having tough alumni with it being said that even the champion – Steven Stone – had been a Water Blue. Each form had its own dorm building that was four floors high, first years on the first floor, second years on the second floor, third years on the third floor and finally fourth years on the fourth floor. The ground floor was a mix between a common room, a classroom where the form head, Mr Burts whose dashing good looks grabbed the attention of many girls and the jealousy of many guys, would hold form meetings and a Pokemon Center with its small little healing quarter.
My guide even ventured just out of Rustboro to Rustboro Lake where we could spot fishermen fishing and trainers battling, some intensely with bursts of flames and water flying through the air, some were boring and the looks on passer-by’s faces declared how tedious a battle some must be. Past the lake was Pretty Petal Flower Shop and just off in the distance was Petalburg Forest, a dark damp place in which I’d fear for my life if I got lost there, where in a few weeks’ time we were having our first field trip and one that I wasn’t looking forward to. On our way back to the Academy a stream of police cars raced past, their sirens blaring, echoing off the stone structures around us. I guess being a magnificent city doesn’t prevent crime, maybe creating more.
Impatiently I walked in the slow moving group but this gave me a chance to watch some of the others who were now in my form, people I’ll be interacting with every day of my life for the next few years. To by right was a tall, brunette haired girl with a pretty yet serious face, she wore tight fitting jeans and knee high boots, a hoodie was wrapped round her waist and she wore a grey sleeveless vest top that showed off the tan she must have gained this summer. Just in front was Mikey, a happy, confident guy who was fond of his appearance due to his constant use of mirror and comb to sort out his perfectly designed hair, a swept back look made of his sandy blond hair. His height only added to his attractiveness and to finish it off the muscles in his arms rippled with each swing of his arms. Earlier as we had waited outside the main entrance he’d come to introduce himself to me and bragged about the many exploits he’d had with girls back in his hometown of Floaroma Town, I’d smiled stating how nice that is for him before I turned away looking in the brochure I was carrying. At the front of our group, just behind the tour guide were two giggly girls, twins, who linked arms and laugh scarily high at every little thing they encountered.
As I’d drifted off into my own world of studying the others we had made it to the Academy gates that creaked open mechanically. I dodged through the crowd to get onto the grounds and stood looking round in awe. On my first time through the gates I’d been revising and on the way out I was so nervous I couldn’t concentrate, the second time I came through mum was hounding me with how much she loved me and kept checking my bag that I couldn’t concentrate on the surroundings and as we left earlier to go on our tour of the city I was struggling following what the tour guide had started talking about, still going over the instructions that had been given in a speech by Mr McMurphy, the principal, and trying to read the brochure we had been given but now I could admire the beauty. The road led right up to the main school grounds where the main buildings were situated. The 25,000 seated arena towered in the middle, to the north was the main school building that spread outwards as well as around the arena until about two thirds of the arena had been surrounded. To the south was a large group of training courts for people to battle on as well as one that had a 3,000 seated stand. Dorm buildings were then on the outside of the now Pokeball looking design like four small pillars that created a square around the Pokeball. Lightning Yellow to the north west, Water Blue to the south west, Fire Red to the south east and Leaf Green to the north east. The rest of the school grounds were made up of different environments for Pokemon available for capturing, studying and anything else people wanted to do with them; a lake was to my left whilst a heavily wooded area stretched from the south east to north east corners of the school grounds, the rest was mostly grass with a few dirt patches about.
“Now people if you would make your way to the main entrance and line up by your form captains, who were shown to you earlier, they will have a list of who is in which dorm room, you go to them and take your key and then the three of you will walk to your dorm and go check out your room – you luggage should already be there.” The guide called as we started walking to the main complex of buildings, crossing the luscious green grass that spread out miles west and a good few miles east before hitting the large, slightly spine-tingling forest that towered upwards casting shadows of fear across the field, the sun just resting at eleven o’clock in the sky so soon the shadows would be retreating back into the depths of the forest.
We walked a good ten minutes before we reached the dorms entrance where a stern looking couple were stood in front of a bench on which a pile of brown envelopes were rested. The couple wearing the deep blue jackets that were Water Blue, white trim round the cuffs, neck and bottom of the jacket matched the crisp white tee worn underneath, in sharp contrast of the black pants worn below that melted into the black shoes so you couldn’t see where one ended and one began. We all queued in a single line and I waited about halfway along.
“Okay now guys I am your form captain Stanley and my vice-captain here is Hayley, we are here to help you so never feel bad about it although make sure you aren’t doing it at stupid times – make sure it is suitable.” the male of the pair shouted to the fifteen of us, each cowering back a bit as his harsh, loud voice bellowed out. “Now, when I call out three names you step to your left, hold out your left hands,” We all thrust our left hands in the air holding them stupidly until he looked at us in pity. “You can take your hands down now; at least we know you know your left and right. So to start off…” I watch the first three boys walk forward and then quickly into the dorms at the sound of their names, an awe of amazement as they enter through the glass doors, getting a proper look for the first time as a reflection distorted a view from the outside. “Janine Johnson, Emily Taylor and Delilah Vanish.” Three girls slowly sidestepped into view, including the girl who had been walking next to me for most of the tour but she was a few spots back in our queue. The girl from earlier and another with beach blonde hair walked forward from behind me to join the girl who had only been two spots back so was quite near to the front. They each held out their hands as Hayley gave each a brown envelope with their information pack and key cards in and other small yet important things the Academy supplied us with. The three girls walked with pace to the doors, the girl from earlier turning to glance at the remaining nine of us, there were six boys and three girls including myself.
“Now: Marcus Blakely, Niall Conway and Mikey Dalton.” Stanley read from the list before glancing up to scan over the three of us who stepped out. Mikey stood just in front and turned round smiling.
“Yes Niall, we’re roommates,” he grinned smiling at me. We then both looked forward to Marcus who was looking round at us, as well as everyone else who was in the queue. Everyone had realised that this was the first time anybody but Hayley, Stanley and the tour guide had spoken in the last half an hour. Weird, I thought to myself, no one but Mikey had seemed to try and make friends with anyone and this just showed.
“Yeah I guess we are,” I smiled back before nodding forward directing him to get moving. At least I have someone who I had talked to, albeit a bit, previously. We strolled forward and joined Marcus and we all kindly took our envelopes before turning right and heading into the glass doors after a short walk. “Woah!” I couldn’t hold back my shock, everything looked so posh. A single pillar was in the centre with elevator doors on the front, they were just closing with the six students who were called before us inside. To our right was the small PokeCenter whilst the lounge area was just behind the pillar taking up around sixty five per cent of the ground space up and to our left was the small classroom like section where an interactive whiteboard was on the wall, a small podium just in front and three rows of ten chairs were set, this was mostly used for the older students who were to spend a lot of time with Mr Burts as they planned their futures, but also for the first years as he helped direct them through their first few months.
“This is quite cool,” Marcus said as he walked over to a rack of leaflets and inspected them, he picked one up and folded it before placing it in his pocket. Had the others started talking once they got inside or was this just happening because Mikey and I had started talking and he felt like he had to. Just as he strolled back over the elevators doors slid open so we took our place inside, Marcus placed his hand over the doors as they started to slide shut – he had noticed the next group of three girls had started walking through the doors. They gave an awkward walk/run to the doors to shorten the time they were holding us back and Marcus released the doors.
The soft but annoying elevator music started and the machine started to rise, opening a few seconds later on the first floor. We all stepped out, Room 503, was directly opposite us a short walk along a wide corridor that split into a fork. Along the far wall was rooms 502, 503 and 504. On the opposite side, the side of the elevator, was 501 and 505 but the rooms were split by the corridor. Mikey opened the door with his key card and stepped inside, I followed with Marcus last as he waited to smile as one of the girls.
“Look at this place,” Mikey called he had gotten straight to the centre of the room and span slowly to take it all in, Marcus and I watched from our door that was in the centre of the wall. The room was four metres up and across, two windows along the far wall let in plenty of light, between these windows was the kitchenette that contained a fridge, an oven and two sections of worktop with cupboards underneath. An island created more cupboard space an created an invisible border between kitchen and lounge space. On a small TV stand stood a decent looking thirty inch television and a glass coffee table was just in front. Surrounding the rest of the coffee table were two armchairs and a sofa. These took up most of the space of the room with just small walkways around the outside apart from the bookcases on either wall in the corner near the back wall. There were two doors on each side with the one on the near left having W.C on the front. “I’ll have that room.” Mikey pointed out as he nodded to the one next to the toilet.
“I’ll have this one,” I said to the other two as I walked to the door on the near right.
“Fine, I’m not that arsed to be honest,” Marcus quipped before walking over to the pile of luggage that rested under the right hand side window. He pulled out a large black suitcase before leaning down to pick up his rucksack and walked into his room. Following suit I pulled out my rucksack and then gripped tightly on a grey suitcase before walking back to my room. Mikey jumped down from the sofa and grabbed his rucksack, his red suitcase and then a smaller red suitcase.
I gave him a funny look which he noticed. “Hey, you can’t look this good without some help,” he laughed before easing his way through the kitchenette to his room where he rushed in and jumped on the bed, something I could see clearly through his open door.
Twisting the silver handle I got my last set of nerves to see what my room was like, immediately I noticed the green paint on the walls, a desk rested against the wall opposite and a bed to the right went up to the wall on the far left. There was some space to my right with a white rug over the darker green carpet but a wardrobe rested against the far wall to complete the set of furniture.
“So let us have a look then,” Mikey said as he barged in through my door. “Oh you got green walls, eh? I got the blue walls and the bathroom has yellow, that means Marcus has red walls.” He babbled on.
“Hey, can you just get out my room a sec?” I spat out a slight bit aggressively. Mikey’s face saddened and he slowly retreated. Walking to the door I peered round to see Mikey now slumped on the sofa with a remote in his hand. “Mikey I’m sorry, I’m just trying to sort my room out and I like my room to be quite private, cut off from everyone else you know?” He looked up and nodded.
“Yeah I get you, I’m a bit intrusive,” he laughed, a grin slowly returning to his face.
“Yeah well I am sorry, was a bit of a natural reaction to how it was at home with my mum and sister. They were always barging into my room.” I said giving him a smile, I turned and returned to inspecting the room. I pulled my suitcase up on to my bed and unzipped it carefully, making sure nothing fell out. A top the uniforms I’d bought and my everyday clothes rested a few things I’d brought to make my room mine. My Electrode clock which I put on the wall above my desk, a nail already hanging out. A picture of me, my Dad and his Salamance were next which I placed on the desk and a lamp, that gave off lights of different colours depending on where you put the switch to, was put next to it. My poster of Solar, the world’s leading PokeRinger trainer was next, bluetac at the ready I stuck it to the wall over my bed. Finally a small mirror with one of my old Pikachu stickers was placed on another nail in the wall and my room looked a bit more homely. A few books were in my suitcase but I was gonna put them on the bookcase next door, a few of the titles caught my attention: Between a rock and a hard place – the Steven Stone story, Sky Warriors (a book about the battle for the fictional Staravior Island) and Pokemon Trainin for beginners written by Poke Dude. Just a few of the books I had read recently. I lifted the suitcase down from the bed and kicked it under, pulled up my rucksack and grabbed the next few items I wanted to set our before returning to the lounge area of the apartment. My laptop, covered in more stickers, I put on my desk. A drawing by my little sister I stuck on the wardrobe and a claw from my Dads Salamance, that was encased in a glass box, I placed on a shelf over my bed where my head would be.
Grabbing the pile of books I left my room and entered the lounge and leant down to place my books on the top shelf of the bookcase, leaving a shelf each for Marcus and Mikey. It was only about chest height and a plant was left on top but was surrounded by a slight coat of dust and it looked a bit parched.
“So what you guys wanna do for the day?” Marcus asked as he left his room, a pile of books in his arms as well, he joined me by the book case.
“I dunno, but leave me some room on there. I think we are meant to place our pokeballs on the other bookcase because each shelf has six small dints going along it, probably to stop them rolling away.
I walked over to take a look and Mikey was right, six small dints barely noticeable unless you were in close. For someone a bit excited and seems to rush about a lot he sure noticed the things others missed.
“Well I say we just get to know the campus a bit, I saw on one of the posters above the leaflet rack that they give a tour of the stadium tonight,” Marcus suggested, he pulled out the leaflet he had grabbed earlier. “Or we could go to this, it’s a speech being given by Roxanne in Rustboro Gym about her experience at Hoenn Academy and how she got to be gym leader.”
“Dunno about you guys but I reckon Roxanne would be a bit boring and if we get to know the campus a bit better we might be able to find the best places to train our Pokemon, then we could get straight to work tomorrow.” Mikey looked at us seriously before turning back to the TV which had the academy news channel playing quietly.
“So Niall, what do you wanna do?”
I considered the options before joining Mikey on the sofa, “do the campus thing.” Roxanne would be boring and just telling me a lot of stuff I already know, I think everyone at the academy knew her story by now it was one of the many that was in the brochure to the academy. At least exploring the academy I could have a better look seen as the brochure only showed the main complex and a few pictures of the environment.
“Okay plan sorted, I’m just nipping to the loo,” Marcus said as he walked behind us and into the toilet. A few minutes later and after I grabbed a map out of the brown envelope we were ready to leave, each of us happy to leave the room now we had someone to talk to and something to do, I’d been dreading what I’d do with my afternoon because we don’t get our Pokemon till tomorrow which would then be what I planned to spend my time on. Leaving our room I could see the girl with the hoodie from earlier waiting outside the elevator and with Mikey in the lead he stood next to her, Marcus and I waiting behind.
“Hi,” Mikey said smiling.
The girl turned and smiled to him, “hi.” She then looked behind at Marcus and me and repeated herself.
“Hi,” we replied in unison.
8th February 2012, 01:47 AM #7
My only problem with your story are the blocks of text. If you could separate them, it would be much easier for reading, at least for me. :/
For example, the second part of the chapter was much easier for me to read through than the first part through all the blocks of text. ^^;
Other than that, I see no huge mistakes with your writing. Some of your sentences tend to be a bit long but that's okay I guess. I'm still looking forward to finding out more about Niall as a character and I'm glad we're having another academy fic in here. Your descriptions are great and ... I'm looking forward to reading more of it.
Keep it up! :D
8th February 2012, 11:38 AM #8
Thanks I'm glad you're enjoying it. Alot more personality has come out in the next chapter so far I'm quite happy with it and a lot less blocks of text. I had tried to find places where I could seperate blocks of texts up but a lot of this chapter is made up of descriptions and I didn't feel like I could split the descriptions up too much. The next chapter has a lot of speech so will makes things easier. ANyway thanks for the kind comments :D
12th February 2012, 02:37 PM #9
Silence. We said our hellos and then silence. Marcus and I looked at each other waiting for Mikey to say something but he didn’t he just faced forward. The girl was doing similar but nodding her head back and forth as well, after an inspection of her due to her strange behaviour I noticed the small wireless earpiece in her ear, the soft beat of Charizards Blaze coming out.
A few more moments of silence and then the elevator doors slid open, we stepped inside joining two girls already inside. It was awkward but being only one floor up it didn’t last long, the doors opened and we walked out moving out of the way for the three girls who walked off in three different directions all walking with some sort of importance.
“Woah Mikey, you didn’t talk to her.” Marcus laughed as he rested his hand on Mikeys shoulder holding his hand out in the direction of the girl as if to say, go ahead and try again.
“Nah mate, did you not see the look?” Mikey asked, looking grimly in the direction of the coffee machine where the girl was waiting.
“What look, she smiled at us?” I replied looking at him quizzing. All I saw was a smile to join her politeness, nothing else. I wondered what Mikey was on about.
“Why what look did you think she gave you?” Marcus asked as we started walking back to the information rack.
“She smiled yeah, but her eyes. She had some sort of get away from me vibe and not the usual I get from people I annoy which for me isn’t often. It was sort of a look of I’ll kill you if you don’t back off.” Mikey looked a bit freaked out but after giving one last look to the girls direction he finally turned to concentrate on the information rack.
“Look, it says meet for the tour at 6 o’clock. That’s just after dinner,” Marcus pointed out as he put his finger to the writing on the poster. “But it doesn’t say where to meet and it’s a huge arena, would take ages to get all away around without knowing exactly where to go. Do you think we should ask someone?”
“Yeah, better to be safe than sorry. Look Stanley and Hayley are over there.” Mikey pointed out looking towards a table on which Stanley and Hayley were sat, Stanley had his arm round a girl to his left and her hands were both wrapped round his which were rested on his lap. Hayley, whose back was towards us, was facing her left looking at something out the window but her mouth was clearly moving. What she said made Stanley and the other girl look round to see what Hayley saw. After a few moments they all turned back to look at the coffee cups on the table or anything else that was around. We walked over and stood looking down on Stanley, I looked up to look outside the window and I could see the Principal, Mr McMurphy, was arguing with a fierce looking man in a black suit, his grey hair had spots of black in it and his large black glasses took up most of his face. The man seemed to be waving his hand to signify the school. Behind him two members of security were slowly their way up behind him, each had a Pokemon with them. One had a Manectric whilst the other had a Mightyena. I looked away when I heard Marcus speak.
“We was just wondering, the tour for the arena has a time but it doesn’t say where to go to meet for it. We were just wondering if you could help us?”
“Oh right. Well just meet in here. Each form will have its own tour guide for the arena and they’ll show you round. You just meet near the classroom over there,” he pointed towards the rows of chairs before turning back to smile up at us. “Is there any….” A bright light flashed and made the six of us and a few people on neighbouring tables look up to the window. The man looked fried, his glasses were now lopsided, some of his hairs were stuck up and a Dustox in his arms has fainted. One of the security guards were now stroking the head of the Manectric.
Stanley jumped up and quickly made his way through the door, Hayley quickly followed with Mikey, the girl with Stanley and I following soon after. A few others followed before Marcus got out.
“Sir, is there anything I can help with?” Stanley was stood by the Principals side, a pokeball in his hand. Hayley was holding us back, the students obviously not allowed near. With the growing crowd a nearby Leaf Green captain came to help.
“Oh yes Stanley. Can I ask you to go ask Madison to have them send the police here.” The Principal asked calmly, he didn’t look flustered or any different. He looked confident.
“Sure thing sir, anything else?” Stanley asked, looking around.
“Yes get these the students away.” He turned on his heel and followed the security guards through a door in the main building.
Stanley turned to look at the girl who he had been sat with, “you coming, NIcki?” She nodded her head and went to stand by him. He looked towards us, “Right now guys, back inside or go for a walk either way just get away from here. And no disrupting the Principal for the next few hours.” Stanley ordered. “Need any help Hayley?”
“It’s alright Stan, me and Gary can handle this,” She said before giving a slight push to a student to direct them to the door.
“Thanks, come on Nicki.” He turned and walked in through the same door the Principal took but turned left instead of right like the Principal had. He was obviously heading to the main reception, Madison must be the receptionist.
The crowd started to disperse and I looked round at Marcus and Mikey, “Bit of excitement already, eh?” We laughed and made our way round to the front of our dorms. “Wait so what do you wanna do till dinner?”
“Check out the lake, could be some cool Pokemon to check out or a hidden spot to train.” Mikey said as he pulled the map from my hands and walked off back around the building the way we had just came.
We spent the afternoon walking, to the lake, around the lake, through the lake before we decided it wasn’t enough just to cool our feet in the water but to go for a swim. We stripped to our boxers and dived in, water Pokmone appearing occasionally, a Goldeen had poked Marcus with its horn so we decided to get out and let the sun dry us off for the last hour or so. We had reached the lake at one thirty and after an hour and a bit of frolicking there wouldn’t be much time to get home, dry and then go somewhere else for a decent enough time before dinner started at four thirty so this was the best option.
The sun beat down fiercely and a soft breeze blew along the ground, the sound of a few bird pokemon chirping was relaxing and I ended up sleeping, Mikey woke me up with him pulling on his sleeveless shirt. “Come on bro, we gotta go. I’m a poet and I didn’t know it.” He said laughing. “But seriously it’s four, let’s get to dinner on time so we can get a decent seat, unless you want to cook yourself?”
“Nah I’d prefer to eat the food provided as much as possible,” I replied grabbing my jeans from behind my head and straightening them out before pulling them on, I glanced to Marcus who was sat up just finishing tying up his shoes.
“Agreed, now come on.” Marcus and Mikey stood up and headed off in the direction of the dorms, I jumped up and pulled on my t-shirt as I followed just behind them.
We reached the dinner hall just as the doors were being opened and the group of about thirty other students filed in, around the edges of the large room trolley full of food waited for people to serve themselves, anything you could think of was there, anything. Marcus, Mikey and I grabbed a plate and joined the queue of people that were slowly making their way round. I grabbed half a plate of chips, a cheese pie and a few nuggets on my first time round. The second I filled my plate with nachos and slowpoke tails, cleaning my plate fully each time. As I licked the last of the ketchup that was on my lips we were joined by two guys so we now filled five of the six seats. Mikey was looking round the hall, smiling at some of the attention he was getting from the girls in the hall, especially the giggly twins in our room who were sat on a table a bit away from us. Marcus was still eating so I decided to listen in on the conversation the two guys were having, I couldn’t make out a few things but I could tell they were definitely talking about the incident we’d witnessed earlier, one was wearing the badge of Leaf Green on his jacket so news must have travelled fast.
“Yeah, I heard that Dave used his Manectric to zap the guys Dustox but because of the Poisonpowder it caused electricity to fly off everywhere which is why there was such a bright light,” the boy with the badge said before spooning a fork full of mash into his mouth.
“Really, bloody hell that could be some decent tactics in a battle as well,” the other boy said after some thought. “I heard the Principal didn’t even flinch, do you remember last year when that douchebag, what’s his name, Jacob, tried to use his Skarmory to attack him and he didn’t even get scared. He just dodged out the way and had his Arcanine defeat Skarmory. I’m sorta glad that that happened, now that nutter ain’t here no more.”
The Principal seems to be a bit of a brave man, he seems so confident all the time surely there must be times when he isn’t. Best not to get on the wrong side of him.
I looked to Marcus who was now listening after hearing the conversation; he raised his eyebrows before looking back at his food to finish off the plate. He stood up and I followed tapping Mikey to alert him to our departure, he was too concerned talking to a girl behind us.
“Speak to you later, eh?” he said winking at the girl before jogging to catch up. We left and headed back to the dorms flopping down on one of the couches.
“So how much did you hear Niall?” Marcus asked looking at me.
“Enough seems as if what happened is big news. Not something that happens often, but the Principal having little to no fear seems to be common knowledge.” I answered, thinking back over what I heard in the dinner hall.
Mikey looked confused. “What are you two on about?”
“Just those two guys were talking about what happened earlier and they sounded shocked by it, they also mentioned something about a guy called Jacob attacking the Principal last year but he’s been kicked out now.” Marcus said, he looked at Mikey with some concern to make him know we’re serious.
“Seriously you two, a little altercation and you think some full scale war has occurred. Calm down,” Mikey exclaimed leaning back into the sofa and resting his feet up on the coffee table.
“I guess. But if it is serious do think the two have a connection, people don’t seem to know why it happened, maybe it was one of this Jacobs parents lawyers who got a bit hot-headed and turned to Pokemon?” Marcus asked, deep in thought.
“You know, I can’t be arsed thinking about things like this on our first day. Now I need a drink,” I said standing and heading to the drinks machine, a girl in a beige blouse was in front using it. I waited, heard the clunk of the machine and watched her bend down to grab the bottle, she stood up and turned and walked straight into me. I grabbed her arms to steady her before stepping back to let her past, I looked to her face and realised it was the hoodie girl. “Oh, hey. Sorry about that?”
“Oh it’s alright,” she answered, I looked to her face, her smile the same as before, her eyes calm and reserved. “I didn’t realise you were there and I rush about a bit.” She laughed.
I joined in the laugh returning her smile, “I should have made myself known or something, just in case what did happen, happened. Do you understand?” We both laughed again.
“Yeah, yeah I get you.” She looked to Marcus and Mikey then back to me in the few seconds of silence. Noticing I became intrigued.
“Can I ask something, it may seem a bit rude but I just want to know. Before outside the elevator Mikey says that although you smiled but in your eyes was some sort of anger or something, what is he on about?” I asked backing off a slight bit carefully.
“Oh does he not remember? Well on the day of the exam he talked to me before and after and we exchanged numbers and he said he’d call me when he got back to Floarama. He never did so I smiled to be civil but he still made me angry to seem him try and talk to me like that, obviously he doesn’t remember.” The girl looked towards Mikey angrily again before looking up to me. “Anyway I don’t care, not like I was in love with him, just hate guys who play girls, you know?”
“Yeah. I hate guys, or girls, like that,” I said smiling down. “Anyway I’m Niall.”
“Oh right, I’m Emily. I’m from Slateport, you?”
“Fallabar Town. Glad I’m here though.”
“Same, anyway I best be going. My roommates are going to the arena tour so I will enjoy the piece in our room for the night so I’ll probably just read a book or something.”
“Why what are you reading?”
“Between a rock and a hard place – The Steven Stone story.” She replied smiling. “You might not know it.”
“Well I do, I brought it with me. It’s on my bookcase as we speak. You’ll enjoy it.” I laughed noticing some of the similarities we had.
“Oh right cool and I hope so, anyway bye.” She smiled and scurried off to wait beside the elevator doors, glancing back only when she had reached her destination. I got my drink and headed back to the other two.
“You two seemed friendly?” Marcus said laughing.
“Yeah we were talking about stuff, including you,” I said looking sternly at Mikey.
“Why, the fuck have I done?” he asked.
Explaining the story and laughing at Mikey’s expense took until six o’clock and we joined the group for the tour, an hours tour included looking at the Hoenn Academy Cup which was won by a different person each year from the academy, last year’s winner was Stanley Finch, our captain. Another cup that the Academy had was the Academy Cup. A cup won by an academy out of the Kanto, Johto, Hoenn and Sinnoh academies. Each academy submitted two pairs that competed in the double tournament to represent the Academy and win the trophy. For this only third and fourth years could enter and the winning pair for last year had left, a Hector Valquez and a Tina Hay.
The rest of the tour didn’t take long and by seven thirty we were in our apartment, I went to my room and jumped onto bed and sleep came almost instantly. I just blacked out.
13th February 2012, 12:46 PM #10
Re: Prestige (13+)
Well, except for introduction of Emily and that strange grunt in black, nothing much happened. It's a good chapter, nevertheless, you've got some nice descriptions. :)
18th February 2012, 03:26 PM #11
Re: Prestige (13+)
I woke up, confused by the blur of green I encountered which was different to the blue walls I had back home. Focusing on the lamp at the foot of my bed the grogginess soon started to disappear and I sat up, pausing for a moment after my head started to spin – the result of sitting up a bit too fast. My first morning at the academy, I was excited but not that excited that I want to get up straight away. Looking at my clock I saw how it was six thirty, if that was the case I could have another half an hour of sleep and dropped back to my pillow. But it didn’t take long, within a minute of dozing a huge blast of sound echoed around the academy waking up individuals or startling those who were already conscious.
“Hello Hoenn Academy, this is your six thirty wake-up call!” The voice boomed.
“What the actual fuck?” shouted Mikey from his room, the sound of a thud meaning he had literally jumped out of bed. I sat up again and looked at the floor of my room, to my right near the door was my shoes but where were my clothes, looking round I couldn’t see them anywhere.
Standing up something nipped at my stomach and I looked down to see the zip on my shorts pinching my skin. I must have just slept in them last night, I must’ve been tired. I pulled off my t-shirt and jeans, throwing them to the chair, I stood up and pulled open the doors to my wardrobe and it was empty, then I realised I had only unpacked my backpack and the few homely things that were at the top of my suitcase, leaning down under my bed I pulled it out and up onto the bed, unzipping the zip and lifting the lid. Within five minutes I had put all my clothes away apart from a blue t-shirt and a pair of denim shorts, also my deodorant and spot cream were in one of the draws in my desk and my underwear was in the only draw the wardrobe had right at the bottom. Grabbing my toothbrush I walked out of my bedroom and across to the bathroom, not even noticing Marcus until he called hello from the microwave.
“Oh hey,” I said startled, glancing around and then heading into the bathroom. This was the first time I’d been in the bathroom in our apartment and it was nice. Upon entering the sink was against the wall opposite, the toilet was just to the left and behind the door was a large round bath large enough for four people; oh how the academy was spoiling us.
I brushed my teeth leaving my brush in a cup that already contained two others. I looked at the stuck up bits of my hair in the mirror and splashed some water on to flatten it down before leaving the bathroom and into the lounge. Marcus was now sat down and had the schools TV channel on saying the updates for today; these were played all day, on the channel, unless other important news was needed to be broadcast. Form captains were to meet with Mr McMurphy at one o’clock in his office, second years were to go to a presentation from Miss Faymer in the auditorium at ten o’clock and first years were to be there at nine o’clock. That was in two and a half hours, back in Fallarbar it would have been a problem to get ready properly and get to school for the half eight start, now it was quite relaxing in the morning knowing that from the apartment it couldn’t take too long to get to any of the school buildings.
“So, are we having breakfast here or in the canteen?” Marcus asked as he drank some water, looking at me from the sofa. I was still stood at the bathroom door just watching the TV.
“I’m not bothered; do we even have any food here?” I asked.
“Not anything for a substantial meal but I brought some rolled up pancakes that only have to microwaved to snack on so we could have a few of them each for breakfast, it’s all I used to eat back home.” Marcus said smiling, I liked him. Although he seemed to only talk because he felt he had to at first he had warmed to me and Marcus and I could really have a laugh with him and then be serious. Mikey seemed a bit too happy-go-lucky for my liking.
“Erm you wouldn’t mind would you? I just don’t feel like going down to the canteen to come back.”
“Nah it’s alright, I have two packets of ten and three is decent for breakfast so we’re sorted. But remind us that we need to go to the shop later to get some food in.” Marcus said jumping up and walking into his room, he came out moments later with his a large bag of crisps in one hand and the two packs of pancakes in the other. “You can have a packet of these when you want.” He said pointing out the packet of crisps.
“Thanks,” I said flopping down onto the sofa.
For an hour we sat around talking before Mikey actually got out of his room, he was wearing a pair of casual pants with Bulbasaur footprints on them.
“Hey guys,” he said heading to the kitchenette and leant down to pull out some of the food he’d put in the day before. “Whose are these?” He said pulling out the food Marcus had put in earlier.
“Why do you need so much?” Mikey asked putting them back and pulling out a few cookies from his packet and put them in his mouth.
“Long flight so I thought I would need a lot of food but I slept for most of it,” Marcus said leaning back into the couch and watching Mikey.
“Why where do you live? I’m from Floarama in Sinnoh and that’s quite far.” Mikey said, he had mentioned it to me yesterday and I had only just remembered.
“I’m from Pewter City,” Marcus said pulling out a picture from his wallet that was in his shorts, he was fully dressed for the day unlike Mikey and I. On the picture was him and Brock in front of Pewter Gym, a Geodude was floating to the right of Marcus’ head.
“Cool so do you know Brock well?” I asked intrigued.
“Not until this last year, I’d seen him around a few times before but in Pewter City there’s a tradition of Brock – or whoever the gym leader at the time is - taking all those going on a journey or going to an Academy when they’re fourteen, on a camping trip up to Mt Moon. This photo was taken a few months ago because I and Brock had stayed in touch.” Marcus explained I was interested. In Fallarbar there wasn’t a gym leader so we had no permanent role model in the town, just the occasional one when a successful co-ordinator was in town for the contest.
Mikey came and sat down and we continued to talk and get ready, I found out quite a few interesting things from the other two about their lives that sounded much more exciting than mine. Before we knew it, it was eight forty and we headed out of our apartment and joined the cramped elevator that was full of older kids and left the building, following the throngs of people who were heading to the main entrance of the school buildings - which was the quickest way to get to the auditorium. We quickly entered and I was amazed by its size it was huge with five hundred plus seats even though the school only had two hundred and forty students, there must be a reason for it. We took our seats with the other forms, Fire Red took the front fifteen seats, then Lightening Yellow, then Water Blue and behind us was Leaf Green. We were all seated within the central block, the other blocks surrounded us and it seemed quite eerie, as if something was about to jump out and attack us.
I sat with Mikey and Marcus both to my right and one of the girls from room 502 to my left, we’d been told to sit in order of our rooms, 01 at the left running along to 05 at the right so we were sat right in middle, stepping onto the stage was Mr McMurphy who stood behind the podium, coughed into the microphone and the room silenced, like a knife had sliced through the sound and ended it.
We looked at him waiting; he looked back and then looked up.
“This Academy,” Mr McMurphy started “is one of the most prestigious academies in the world and certainly the most prestigious in Hoenn, the competition from Pacifidlog Academy and Champion Academy is very little. We have the best facilities, the best teachers and certainly the best students.” This was met by a loud applause, he didn’t smile – this obviously worked each year. “Each student was picked due to how they came across in the exam, the battle and the interview. You lot were the best out of the hundreds of applicants, this has started your reputation as some of the best trainers that this world has seen. The Hoenn Academy is here to help you with that and we have had some successful results with famous alumni such as Roxanne who is in charge of Rustboro Gym and Steven Stone, Champion of Hoenn. You are here to learn and better yourself and maybe one day you shall be one of the names spoken in this very same speech. I had the joy of teaching Roxanne but Steven was before my time, hopefully one of you lot will be someone I can speak of and be proud of but you have to work hard for it, not for me to speak of but for you to be proud of. So you can be somebody. You know the rules of the academy and I will only reiterate on one thing, one single incident and you will be out. No ifs, no buts.” His voice echoed round the hall as if to force you into remembering what he is saying, the speech wasn’t like a welcome speech. He knew he didn’t have to he just had to motivate us to be the best we could.
“But now, for you to be some of the best Pokemon trainers you have to have Pokemon. Now behind me there are three containers, in each is one of the Hoenn started Pokemon that Professor Birch is handing out to trainers, possibly at this very moment, for them to start their journeys. Remember this is the start of yours. I shall read the names from each form in order, you are to come down your left aisle and you shall choose your Pokemon and then go up the left, your right, aisle. Each container has the name of the Pokemon it contains so make sure you choose the right one. Now to start off Nancy Doliva.”
One by one people stood up and walked to the stage, reached their hand into one of the large containers and pulled out a Pokemon, one that was to be theirs.
I watched the person in front stand to their name and walk left towards the stage and now I started to think about who I would choose. Treecko, the grass type. Fast and powerful but quite a few weaknesses. Mudkip, water and soon to be ground type when evolved. Covered one of its weaknesses and was quite powerful. Blaziken, fire and soon fighting type this was the main powerhouse of the three when fully evolved. Each was very good and it was getting hard to choose. Now the girl to my left stood up and the empty space started to overpower but this was also just the nervousness. I had to overcome it, I mean come on, I am Niall Conway.
“Niall Conway,” Mr McMurphy shouted and I quickly followed the girl and reached the three-long queue to the stage.
I stepped forward as another person had gotten on stage as the one before had left. Mikey dug both his hands into my ribs making me jump; I span round and saw him smiling. I hissed, turned and stepped forward to occupy the new space. I was right in front of the steps. The girl on the stage was scurrying off with a pokeball and I walked up the steps my eyes scanning over the three names, I stopped looked and headed to the large container in the middle. Pulling out the Pokeball I scuttled across the stage and saw Mikey step onto the stage he quickly walked to a container and within seconds was right behind me as we walked along the row back to our seats. He had taken much less time than I had, a few moments later Marcus walked up the aisle and then the row and then sat in his seat.
As slowly as the speech and choosing section began it ended and by nine forty-five we were finally able to leave the auditorium, passing the few second years that had gotten here early. After choosing the Pokemon all Mr McMurphy had to talk about was how our uniform had been dropped off in our rooms now and he even made that into an inspiring speech.
“So who did you choose?” Marcus asked as we walked along the corridor and out the door heading back to our apartment.
I turned to Mikey, “you first.”