Pokemon: Breakout
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Thread: Pokemon: Breakout

  1. #1
    Gao apathu yon nih 137.RADIO's Avatar
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    Default Pokemon: Breakout

    Breakout (1)

    Most nurses looked the same, with the same hair style in the same shade of pink and the same gaze, but this one had static in her irises. She shook her head for the umpteenth time and tried to explain the situation again. "I'm sorry, but all activities requiring the wireless option have been indefinitely halted."

    The aspie trainer in front of her growled, but tried to calm down. "I really have to make the trade! I promised someone in Sinnoh, I need to get in there!"

    The nurse sighed. "You can't. No one in the Kanto and Johto regions can communicate with the others."

    The aspie trainer's shoulders slumped, and he stared at the counter, counting flecks in the pink granite. "Why?"

    "Haven't you heard?" the nurse inquired.

    "I haven't heard anything," he replied.

    "There was a viral breakout in the wireless communications. All rooms and activities requiring the connection had to be shut down," the nurse said. "We're sorry for the inconvenience," she added.

    The aspie trainer turned and walked toward the exit, his hand squeezing his Poke Ball until it would certainly crack. His face was blank, and he seemed oblivious, but he heard the almost inaudible static take over the nurse's eyes when he walked out of the center. The automatic doors closed when the trainer looked over his shoulder to see that the nurse wasn't there anymore.

    ----

    The sky was the same shade of blue at the same time of everyday. How boring! The ground, however, was impressionable. The dirt was charred to an ashy black, and the grey-eyed girl who made the new footsteps imagined a Charizard leaning back, swallowing the air to let out a huge gasp of red-hot fire. One day, her small Charmander would make marks on the ground from it's battles. Right now, it was only her Rampardos who left dents and mounds on the battle field.

    In her pocket, her phone started to buzz, startling the gray-eyed girl. She answered with a casual 'Hello'. Whatever was said on the other line made her laugh. "I'm not a fan of the air. I'm in-between Lavender Town and Saffron City. Do you really expect to walk halfway across the region?"

    The aspie trainer on the other line laughed uneasily. He'd actually answered yes, which made sense since she didn't have a Flying type or a Psychic type Pokemon. What other choices of transportation were there? If he did say yes, the gray-eyed girl would storm up to where he was and sock him in the jaw. The gray-eyed girl was answered with silence.

    "Don't worry," she teased, "I'll be right over soon." She hung up and called out her Rampardos. "Maize, guess what! We're going to Mount Silver again." The gray-eyed girl hopped on her dinosaur pet. "Think we'll find him this time?" she whispered.
    Last edited by 137.RADIO; 31st January 2011 at 09:55 PM.

  2. #2
    *rules with cotton fist* Kayi-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breakout

    I must say that the first fragment caught me completely, because I thought you'd write a story about a Pokemon nurse...

    But then, you didn't.

    And yet, it was still quite awesome and mysterious!

    I hope you'll continue this story, and also be welcome to the Writer's Workshop

    2010/08/02: 4th chapter

    More fanfiction at:
    Kayi S. Rowling's Library

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    Gao apathu yon nih 137.RADIO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breakout

    Quote Originally Posted by Kayi-chan View Post
    I must say that the first fragment caught me completely, because I thought you'd write a story about a Pokemon nurse...
    The nurse is going to be in the story, so it's a little about her and what not, P:

  4. #4
    *rules with cotton fist* Kayi-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breakout

    Quote Originally Posted by InertiaSilenced View Post
    The nurse is going to be in the story, so it's a little about her and what not, P:
    Oh dear...! Glad to hear that, because that was one hell of a mysterious nurse.

    Also, this feels like it's an horror story, or perhaps an expanded creepypasta; am I right in my assumptions, or would you rather leave me guessing?

    2010/08/02: 4th chapter

    More fanfiction at:
    Kayi S. Rowling's Library

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    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breakout

    This certainly is intriguing. Good start, a few mysteries are always nice. Keep it up.

  6. #6
    Gao apathu yon nih 137.RADIO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breakout

    Quote Originally Posted by Kayi-chan View Post
    am I right in my assumptions, or would you rather leave me guessing?
    We'll let the story decide in how it unfolds,
    Black: Alecia 2193 7035 0253
    SoulSilver: Whimsy 2881 3823 5745
    RADIO's Warehouse: Where all the components for a Pokemon Master can be found.
    Stories: Fossilized Love RandoMinds Transfer the Trainer

  7. #7

    Default Re: Breakout

    So, howdy do to you, sir-ry! My name's Italics and I'll be poking around your fic. See, I'll highlight any corrections I make, and all my observations and comments will be in bold. Are we cool? I apologize in advance if I offend you.



    This is getting interesting. That paragraph (you know the one) was awesome. Maybe the next installment will be longer? Please?

    Keep writing and you'll definitely improve.
    Last edited by Italics; 30th January 2011 at 11:28 PM.

    I'M AN UTTER BADASS.
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    Your mind is a world AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Breakout

    This was really very intriguing. There are mysteries abound and I will definitely be reading the next chapter whenever that comes out.

    As far as criticism goes, beyond the corrections that Italics made, I can't think of anything. You seem to have a lot of talent as a writer. Beyond that:

    Quote Originally Posted by Italics View Post
    Maybe the next installment will be longer? Please?
    ^this. I'm a fan of long chapters myself.

  9. #9
    Gao apathu yon nih 137.RADIO's Avatar
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    Default

    Thank you all for the help!

    And I'm working on the next part and I'm trying to make it longer than my 1st shorty, P:. Hope I'll have it ready soon.

    Thank you again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Italics View Post
    Aspie? Like, you mean someone with Asperger's?
    (I forgot to mention)

    Yes, someone with Aspergers, although I don't really know whether to say aspie, Aspie, AS, or something else, so I chose the first one.
    --
    I hope this is long enough, it's just that I'm not sure what exactly how I'll go next, so I'm posting this up now.


    ----------------

    Breakout (2)


    The sky was dimming, right on schedule, over the city. The Pokémon Centers were always open of course. A look inside would reveal copious amounts of pink and a giant Poke Ball logo engraved on the floor. Since urgent trainers had a tendency to rush straight in with injured Pokémon, the desk was fifteen steps away from the door. Right now, with the sky dark and dull, behind the desk was a fallen nurse, eyes frozen open like a computer screen that had become unresponsive, with an even more unresponsive option to either wait, or to kill the pages.

    A pair of Chansey had to lift the nurse and carry her into the back room, where two other nearly identical nurses rushed in to try and fix the frozen nurse.

    “Hello? Can you hear me?”

    They called out to her, they asked her questions that could be answered with an automatic recording, but the frozen nurse lied still and silent on the bed.

    One of the nearly identical nurses started shaking her head. “We’ll have to restart her. I don’t know if we can soft reset.”

    The other nurse gulped. “Does anyone know when she last saved?”

    The nearly identical nurse shook her head. They turned to the frozen nurse and lifted up her wrist to reveal three buttons and an ID-game card barely poking out from under the skin. The other nurse tried holding down two of the buttons, but as they predicted, soft resetting did not work. When they pushed down all three, to their surprise, restarting didn’t work either.

    The nearly identical nurse shuddered. “We can either pull out her game card, or we can call headquarters.”

    “Or we can wait for morning. Maybe she overheated,” the other nurse suggested.

    “Nurses don’t overheat!”

    “I still think we should wait.”

    The nearly identical nurse yelled in frustration. “We can’t just wait! I’m pulling it out!” The other nurse yelled out and tried to stop the nearly identical nurse, but she pushed her aside and grabbed the frozen nurse’s arm to pull out the little black chip. Little blue sparks zapped her fingers, and she dropped the card. She shook her slightly burnt fingers and picked up the card. “We can send this to headquarters.”
    ----

    The aspie trainer and the gray-eyed girl dragged their feet on the side of Mount Silver. Snow was cutting into their faces, drawing blood from cheeks and noses. The blizzard was blinding, and the only thing guiding them was the urge to walk straight forward.

    The gray-eyed girl called out to the other trainer. “Do you have your Charizard with you?”

    “I have to make the trade… I’m so close.” the aspie trainer mumbled. “To answer your question though, yes.”

    “So, how about it then?” the gray-eyed girl said.

    “How about what?” the aspie trainer asked.

    “Take out your Charizard. We’re freezing!” The gray-eyed girl looked off to the side. “Look, there’s a cave there. Let’s stay the night.” The aspie trainer started to protest, but the ice-cold gray-eyed girl had no part of it. “Oh stop it already, we both have a radio and the thing gets a signal from the moon.” The gray-eyed girl almost grabbed his arm to drag to the cave, but she stopped herself, not wanting to in the middle of two different storms. “Come on, let’s go!” she urged.

    The aspie trainer’s Charizard was the only Pokémon out of its Ball. The great dragon’s breath was visible in the cold air, and in spite of it, the dragon’s tail was burning brightly. The aspie trainer listened to the soft hum of the radio while the gray-eyed girl buried herself in a homemade blanket and dozed off. The sky was nearly black and the only light source was from the Charizard’s tail.

    The aspie trainer held the radio to his ear, the gray-eyed girl probably thought he was listening for static, and in truth he was, but it was merely a distraction from the soft, even breathing of the gray-eyed girl and the howling storm outside the cave. His heart was pounding, and he kept saving his file every five seconds. He’d save, then try to pull out his own game card, but he knew he’d black out instantly. The aspie trainer pulled out a red game card that looked like it would awkwardly stick out of the wrist. Even on the Underground Communication Network, he only heard rumors about the red game card. The aspie trainer’s body shook, and he dropped the card into his bag and saved his file for the millionth time.

    "I'm so close..." he whispered to no one in particular.
    ------

    A new day hopefully meant new berries. Every morning, the green-thumb gingerly watered the berry pots she had placed on the window sill. She ran a small shop on the edge of a quiet town that sold berry pots, watering pails, berries, and mulch. She didn't have her own Pokémon, but the most recurrent customers were the grass Pokémon that crawled in through the door that was always left open. She even had a little bit of medical experience to offer to the wild Pokémon. She giggled as a Bulbasaur with a polkadot kerchief timidly walked in as it did every morning. The green-thumb gently held the Bulbasaur in her arms, being mindful of its ears.

    "How are you today?" she asked. "I hope you're feeling better, are they still sore?"

    She walked into the backroom and placed the Bulbasaur on a table crowded with dirt and wet clay. She rummaged through a cabinet and found a small bottle with a blue liquid. She chattered, mainly to herself about how the basics were always helpful, but sometimes they needed some help. She smiled at the Bulbasaur and leaned down to its eye level.

    "Say, what happened to your eyes, Bulbasaur?" The green-thumb opened the tiny bottle and carefully tipped it into the Pokémon's mouth. "The static is getting worse, but don't worry, I've been working on something that'll get rid of it, okay?" The green-thumb picked up the Bulbasaur and walked back into the shop. She placed the Bulbasaur down and started tending to her plants. Time lazily ticked by as the Bulbasaur ran in and out the shop with other Pokémon, but somewhere along the way, the green-thumb had walked to town to stop by the postal office and picked up a relatively small package. Back at the shop, she opened the package and placed each of the red game cards into a wooden Poke Ball.

    "Bulbasaur! I have another job for you!" the green thumb called out. The Pokémon jumped into her arms and let her tie a necklace with the Poke Balls around its neck. "You don't have to travel far, just take the short cut to Saffron City, okay?"

    The Bulbasaur nodded and walked out the door.
    Last edited by 137.RADIO; 3rd February 2011 at 02:11 PM.
    Black: Alecia 2193 7035 0253
    SoulSilver: Whimsy 2881 3823 5745
    RADIO's Warehouse: Where all the components for a Pokemon Master can be found.
    Stories: Fossilized Love RandoMinds Transfer the Trainer

  10. #10
    Gao apathu yon nih 137.RADIO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pokemon: Breakout

    I honestly don't know if this one will be long or not, but here it is anyways.
    ------
    Breakout (3)

    The Bulbasaur's own body glowed as it trotted forward through 'Zone'. It did not run, but tried to keep each foot moving after the next. The little Pokemon knew the layout of the darkness as any other, but it could only hope to see the trees as they lay ahead. All the Bulbasuar could do was walk straight forward, any other direction would utterly mess up any hope of getting out, and listen to the static filling up its ears.
    ----

    It was another failed attempt at finding the mysteriously trainer, but a successful one at freezing the pair's extremities. The gray-eyed girl was still huddling around in her also handmade jacket while the aspie trainer desperately looked for an open Pokemon Center.

    "I can't believe it," the gray-eyed girl laughed. "All Pokemon Centers are always open."

    "I know that," he replied,but the aspie trainer still tried to look in all directions for the unmistakable building.

    "Then why are you looking?" the gray-eyed girl pointed to a Center, but the windows were dim, and it's sign was powered off.

    "It's closed." he mumbled, but then his eyes grew wide. "Hey, do you hear that?"

    The gray-eyed girl was interrupted as the white noise from the P.A. turned into a broadcasted message.

    ALL CIVILIANS ARE TO REPORT TO CITY HALL FOR A REQUIRED MEETING. I REPEAT-

    The P.A.'s booming announcement was joined with the footsteps and chattering as an entire cities population all rushed to the center of the city. The aspie trainer covered his ears in a futile attempt to block out the sound.

    The gray-eyed girl panicked, then figured he was already distracted and grabbed his arm before he jolted like an electrically charged Rapidash. They tried to leave Goldenrod's loading limits, but an officer stopped them. "Turn back, all civilians are required to attend. You heard the loudspeaker."

    "We're not from Goldenrod-" the gray eyed girl protested. The aspie trainer chirped the same thing.

    "You're both in the loading limits, so you are required." The officer glanced at the aspie trainer who was still going on like a Chatot. "What's wrong with the retard?"

    The aspie trainer glared at the officer. "A retard is someone with an IQ of less than 100. If I break the fourth wall-

    "I don't think that's a good idea," the gray-eyed girl suggested, but the aspie trainer went on.

    "-the files would reveal that we basically have the same IQ. If I am retard, so are you." The aspie trainer wriggled out of the gray-eyed girl's grip. "We don't need to be here, we need to be out there."

    The officers grew impatient. "I'm not going to say it again, turn yourself around and-"

    The gray-eyed girl gasped."You have static in your voice."

    The streets were now empty as they huddled into the auditoriums of city hall.

    "Excuse me?" the officer snapped, but with every syllable there was more static than voice. She spoke another word calmly, as if to test herself, but at the static that arrived from her own mouth, the officer was swallowed in a frenzy as static drowned her ear drums. She was screaming for help, but no one could understand her.
    -----
    Black: Alecia 2193 7035 0253
    SoulSilver: Whimsy 2881 3823 5745
    RADIO's Warehouse: Where all the components for a Pokemon Master can be found.
    Stories: Fossilized Love RandoMinds Transfer the Trainer

  11. #11
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pokemon: Breakout

    That sure was... strange...?
    Anyway, you seem to be setting a lot of mysteries, and I couldn't help but get the feeling that you are making this as you go. I would suggest revising what has gone so far, and find a way to connect it in the end.

  12. #12
    Gao apathu yon nih 137.RADIO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pokemon: Breakout

    I already know how it's going to end, but I'm shaky with tieing up the whole story together into something seemingly seamless.


    ---

    I think I'll rewrite those parts... That seems like a good idea...
    Last edited by 137.RADIO; 1st February 2011 at 06:00 PM.
    Black: Alecia 2193 7035 0253
    SoulSilver: Whimsy 2881 3823 5745
    RADIO's Warehouse: Where all the components for a Pokemon Master can be found.
    Stories: Fossilized Love RandoMinds Transfer the Trainer

  13. #13

    Default Re: Pokemon: Breakout

    Know what I'm doin'? -- Italics

    Chapter two:



    Such a pretty little mind screw you got right here.

    I'M AN UTTER BADASS.
    Also, my fan fics, my episode recaps, and my reviewing badge.

  14. #14
    Registered User Jengar's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Re: Pokemon: Breakout

    hey, great mystery so far! Btw, about the "aspie" trainer, nice portrayal. I myself have Asperger's (in the real world). I often refer to myself as an aspie, so the term is fine, but, grammatically, I think it should be "Aspie" because it's short for "Asperger's" not "asperger's". But whatever.

    I look forward to reading more!
    Julie

  15. #15
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pokemon: Breakout

    Aw man, this story is creepily mysterious. All the humans are robots with game cards? And the static? Yeah, creepy. XD
    Last edited by Zekurom; 3rd February 2011 at 06:38 PM.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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