TEEN: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody - Page 26

Page 26 of 26 FirstFirst ... 16242526
Results 376 to 387 of 387
Like Tree15Likes

Thread: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

  1. #376
    I'm a servant of the lord Midorikawa's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    In fields of grey
    Posts
    10,551
    Blog Entries
    18

    Follow Midorikawa on Tumblr Visit Midorikawa's Youtube Channel

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    OMG Indirect Freed and Stacy kiss!!!

    Anyways:

    I don't know if anyone else pointed these out or not but I feel its important.

    Don't forget events that happened in the first year. There is a lack of reference to it or things that should play a role in this fic. For example: Valerie had an obvious crush on Darren in the first year, however now she doesn't act that way at all. How come Reggie doesn't use the sword?

    Character Ages and histories: I noticed this with the sex stuff. Don't forget your character's ages, also consider their histories. Reggie in the first year was a virgin, and I assume he stayed like that until Miko took it. You have to consider her too though. I hope you already know this, but when a girl has sex for the first time it hurts. Implications of Miko's relationship history or even better, stating it would have been nice. Darren talked about Reggie getting laid before it happened, which implied them knowing her history possibly, but not the readers. Valerie is the same, it wasn't even known that she had dated anyone either.

    Careful of your wording-you had Zephyr literally walk at one point. Also you have characters stutter but don't show it. You should do more like this: "I-I l-love you, Darren," Midori stuttered out her confession. Show the stutter don't just say it because then we don't know what was stuttered.

    I think that's it that I can think of right now. I'll probably yell at you later if I find more. Can't wait for the next chapter

    @Flaze;

  2. #377
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Auckland, New Zealand
    Posts
    3,785
    Trophies
    Blog Entries
    5

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    It is a bit late, but here is a summary of my views from the last Awards round:

    There is not a lot different I can say from last time, as there had not been many chapters inbetween judging periods. The story still seems fine and enjoyable, but it did come across that there were quite a few battles going on in this particular block that dragged the story along a bit. I really would recommend decreasing those and maybe focusing on character and plot development more-so; I know battles can do this, but maybe see what other ways you can try and if they will work as well.

    In terms of characters as I did not focus on those last time, Reggie seems like your standard hero in this types of stories, and I do not really have an issue with him but I am not entirely certain what his final goals are or where he will end up when the story ends. As for Darren, he was good and had quite a few memorable scenes near the start, but not a lot in the most recent chapters, and I think this is an issue for your story in that, while it is a school story, there are quite a few supporting characters that drag things down a bit and are rather interchangeable. I would recommend something Harry Potter like, where you have your three main characters and then their other friends who only pop up occasionally. I think the story is going well, but I feel for something at this length there should be more of an idea of how things will end, and while I will keep reading and enjoying, I think you should start looking into how the story is going to end.

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  3. #378
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,712
    Blog Entries
    99

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    Jesus I fell behind on this.

    Well, I just finished the Castelia City arc. I really felt like the actiony bits dragged on too much, but the little character moments were great, especially Reggie and Valerie bonding. Wasn't expecting Fin and Skyla there.

    Overall, though, if Memento Mori ends up being as big a plot point as it looks to be, that's definitely not a bad way to do it.

  4. #379
    The small giant Flaze's Avatar Moderator
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Why do you care
    Posts
    59,600
    Blog Entries
    151
    Add Flaze on Facebook
    Follow Flaze on Tumblr Visit Flaze's Youtube Channel

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    @AetherX; @Druddigon; @Heartz; @Instrutilus; @Soulmaster; @Tophat Dragoneye; @The Jingster; @System Error; @Midorikawa; @Warrior of Fire;

    All right after such a long time (three months) I finally have two new chapters....I originally wanted to just post one but things got a bit out of hand so yeah, I sweaaaaaaar that it's just gonna be one chapter at a time for this, hopefully this year I can regain a normal schedule...like th eone I had two years ago. Anyways if any of you would like to be taken out of the mention list then just tell me.

    As for @AceTrainer14; 's review which did intrigue me. The battles were actually something I was building up to, they were part of the plot itself, though it did take me a little while to write them down. Also in regards to the characters...yeah I do have a lot, but doing it like HP wouldn't work either because each of the characters is important in their own way, it's true that none of the characters shine brightly above the others but I do want them all to at least shine equally.

    CHAPTER 39



    CHAPTER 40



    I...write too much.

    Anyways next chapter I will give a bit of an explanation about the fic itself. Mostly cause I'm sure some have noticed that we're 40 chapters in and it seems like the plot hasn't picked up. Well I actually do have something to say about that but I won't say it now because this post has already gotten long enough.
    Last edited by Flaze; 7th January 2014 at 11:32 PM.

  5. #380
    Hero of Time Warrior of Fire's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Riverside, CA
    Posts
    392

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    I think something's up with the mention notifications, since BMGf decided not to give me one for not one but two chapters of SYR. And I like the SAO avatar and sig. Probably the best anime on right now, and Kirito and Asuna are definitely my two favorite characters in it. Anyway, on to business.

    While I'm not one for the whole romance aspect of these two chapters, we're really starting to see some of the main players grow. I wonder how the ending of chapter 40 is going to cause problems for our little Five-Man Band. And a small complaint about the random bits of bold text. Actually, that's the complaint in a nutshell.
    White 2: Michael 1292-9447-2383

  6. #381
    Because I like Tophats Tophat Dragoneye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Scandinavia
    Posts
    796
    Blog Entries
    50

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    It's good to see your fic active again, Flaze. I enjoyed reading the two chapters that offered a lot of character development, as well as new details about some of them. While they didn't offer any actions the last few chapters had, it was nevertheless an interesting setting they had since it was Valentine.

    Out of all of the many character developments here, I liked Fin's the most. For a long time, we had known him to be a bit of a playboy, so seeing him develop feelings for Valerie is a unique step for him. As for the new character Rafael, I'll hold on to my opinion about him for now, as we know too little about him other than being a rival for Fin when it comes to Valerie. Nevertheless, I'm keen to see what you're going to do with him.

    I did note something about the chocolates the guys get. I don't know if it was intended or not, but if it was, it served as a nice, if not bitter (for Fin), symbolism. Both Jack and Reggie took their time to make chocolate for their girlfriends, while Fin simply got it for his love interest, only to see Valerie with another boy.

    There were a couple of errors here and there that I spotted, but what I spotted was mostly about missing punctuations and commas.

    Reggie and Fin blinked twice, registering what Tyson had said before replying. “You’re what now?” Reggie asked
    As an example, you're missing a punctuation at the end. Nevertheless, you've improved a lot since you first wrote Dragon's Roar and for that, I'll give you a thumbs up.
    Revolutionaryverse


    Many thanks to Blue Dragon for the signature

    ONE-shot: Forced into Retirement

  7. #382
    J'ai Envie De Toi AetherX's Avatar Moderator
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
    Posts
    977
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    I need to stop waiting so long between reading and reviewing. I forget all the stuff I want to say. I'll try my best anyway.

    I really dug these two chapters. Some great development going on for pretty much every character. I like this Rafael guy so far. I really hope he doesn't turn out to be a douche, because having to compete with a decent person is exactly what Fin's character needs. Kind of wondering what Darren's up to...

    Both chapters were full of humor and charm, as always. Very entertaining to read. I'm looking forward to your plot related announcement.

    Unpredictable - Fan Fic
    * * * * *
    Find me on Soundcloud

  8. #383
    I'm a servant of the lord Midorikawa's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    In fields of grey
    Posts
    10,551
    Blog Entries
    18

    Follow Midorikawa on Tumblr Visit Midorikawa's Youtube Channel

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    I quite enjoyed it, though was admittedly disappointed in some of the other character's time together. I expected to read more about Jack and Marie's date, and Reggie and Miko's. Stacy's and Freed's was a nice thing though since we got to see more of them, and see a little deeper into Freed. We now have the basic idea of his history, and I'm hoping we will see more later on. It seems like an interesting history.

  9. #384
    The small giant Flaze's Avatar Moderator
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Why do you care
    Posts
    59,600
    Blog Entries
    151
    Add Flaze on Facebook
    Follow Flaze on Tumblr Visit Flaze's Youtube Channel

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    @AetherX; @Druddigon; @Instrutilus; @Soulmaster; @Tophat Dragoneye; @The Jingster; @System Error; @Midorikawa; @Warrior of Fire;

    Boy, it feels like so long has passed since the last time I posted a chapter, I think it was like I don't know...three months practically....*goes to sulk in a corner*

    ...

    *comes back in* okay I feel better now. Anyways yeah, it's been a while since I last posted a chapter and I decided that gone are the days of me writing long 20 something page chapters, that just doesn't work with me and it actually makes me enjoy what I'm writing less. I'll write what I have to write for the chapter to be good enough but I'm not going to go for overkill or anything.

    Anyways back when I posted the last chapter I said that I had an announcement in regards to how this story was going to go down. Well basically, this chapter and the next one are the last chapters before we enter the final arc which I'll try to make into 5 chapters if I can. Originally SYR was supposed to have a lot more than what it's had and the Four Titans League was also planned for this fic but I ended up slating it for the next.

    The reason for this is that I think SYR has been going for far too long for far too many chapters for me to just introduce that plotline now, so instead I'll be doing it for the third fic once this is over. I'll be writing some of it as I write for SYR's final arc too.

    Lastly this chapter was me trying my hand at more complex drama, I'm still a bit rusty so it might not be perfect. The chapter after this one I will say ahead of time will be my attempt at practicing with more touching and heartwarming moments and yes I'm basically using this chapters to practice different things.

    And without further ado I present to you chapter 41.

    Chapter 41: Birthday

    March 17

    Spring had finally arrived at the academy archipelago and with that came the winds of spring that blew to the tropical forests of the island.

    Darren looked up, leaning back against a tree trunk as the wind blew his long straight white bangs slightly. He had now let his hair down as opposed to keeping his old spiky style, though it was mostly out of comfort.

    He stared up at the clouds in thought, his grey colored eyes never letting them out of their sight. “So today is that day huh?” he wondered to himself before pushing himself upwards and dusting himself up. He never felt anything when this day arrived, instead he preferred to stay by himself, and yet part of him didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts.

    “Guess I’ll go to class today,” he sighed and rubbed the back of his head as he began walking through the forest. “It’s been 8 years now hasn’t it Roger?”

    ***

    “My…everything,” Reggie groaned, his bones aching with every step he took as he and Miko made their way to their classes. “That Tyson is like a freaking sergeant.”

    “Well, you should be proud that you’ve been able to last a month with him shouldn’t you?” Miko pointed out with a nervous chuckle, she still wasn’t sure as to why Tyson started making Reggie do physical training when they were supposed to train his Pokemon instead. Regardless, she preferred not to worry too much over it since Reggie insisted on continuing.

    “I know, I was picked to participate in the Four Titans League so I can’t give up…even if this kills me,” he sighed again and pocketed his hands. “He’s been pretty tough on Chigon too, he prohibited me from making him evolve.”

    “I know he seems strict but Tyson’s the best battler in the school so I guess you’ll just have to trust him,” Miko advised and patted his shoulder. “Tell you what, how about we go do something tonight to get your mind off of training.”

    Reggie looked at Miko, almost as if he wanted her to remember something important. “Something wrong?”

    “You forgot what today was?” Reggie asked with a raised eyebrow.

    “Oh hey you guys,” at that moment the two of them had their conversation interrupted by the sound of Valerie’s voice. They turned around, only to come face to face with both Valerie and Rafael as they made their way towards them. “I hope you both remember what we’re going to be doing tonight after school.”

    “Yeah, the cake is ready too,” Rafael pointed out, a mischivious smile on his face as he looked at the couple. “Or where you planning on doing something in private,” he smirked.

    “Now, now, we shouldn’t ruin their fun Raffy,” Valerie teased, her face mimicking Rafael as the two chuckled.

    “Uhh…cute, but no, what’s today anyways?” Miko asked. This in turn caused Rafael and Valerie to stare at her with dumbfoundment. “Okay I think I’m missing something here.”

    “Even I know, I don’t even know the guy that much,” Rafael replied uncomfortably, scratching the back of his head. “Though I did get the information from my sources.”

    “Today is Darren’s birthday,” Valerie stated, her expression becoming a bit more somber when she faced Miko.

    She seemed to understand now, her expression also becoming more serious. “Are you sure he’ll want to?” she stated, uncertainty clear in her voice as she turned to Reggie. “I mean his birthday is also the anniversary of when his brother was killed.”

    “Well yeah but I mean, that was eight years ago and Zivok is dead so he has no reason to lament it,” Reggie pointed out, earning him a sigh of exasperation from Valerie. “What?” he asked, a bit of annoyance in his voice.

    “Dumbass, regardless of how long it’s been he’s still going to feel bad. I’m sure you mope whenever May 5th arrives,” she reminded him with a certain sourness. “Regardless,” she turned to Miko once more. “We wanted to do something for him, last year we were going through a lot and well didn’t really know, but Darren has become a part of our group now and I feel it’s good for us to do something for him.”

    “Okay, I guess that makes sense,” Miko realized and nodded her head in agreement. “Did you tell the others.”

    “Everyone’s pretty much said they’re coming,” Rafael clarified. “Except for Fin really, he says he’s not coming because he doesn’t see a reason to celebrate Darren’s birthday.”

    “The guy has been really anal for a long time actually,” Valerie pointed out and turned away from the others. It was true that ever since they had their encounter she and Fin hadn’t gotten along and part of her thought that maybe it had to do with Rafael. That was something she didn’t want to think about at the moment though.

    “So anyways, how are we going to do this?” Reggie asked while crossing his arms.



    “After class we’ll have him go to the Media Clubroom and show him his surprise,” Valerie smiled with excitement. “So don’t be late.”

    “Fine, I don’t have training today so it should be good,” Reggie nodded his head.

    ***

    Stacy sighed in relief, she reclined against her chair as she lowered the cup of tea that she had been drinking. She enjoyed drinking tea alone after classes had let off, the classroom became quiet and it was easy for her to relax. “I should probably text Freed once we give Darren his cake,” she said in thought before looking up at the roof. “It’s been a month since we started dating now that I think about it, I’m glad he was able to give me another chance even after I got drunk that one time,” she said with a nervous laugh.

    She heard a soft creak coming from the door to her office, making her move her head to the side, only to see Darren standing in the doorway. “Oh, it’s you Darren…wait, shouldn’t you be going to the Media Clubroom,” Stacy said with a nervous expression, shocked and afraid that the surprise might’ve been ruined.

    “I was on my way there but I saw that you were still here, considering you should also be heading there,” Darren replied with a calm expression as he leaned against the doorway.

    “Nothing wrong with enjoying a good cup of tea in the afternoon as I always say,” Stacy grinned and flicked her hair back. She looked at Darren for a moment, noticing that he seemed oddly tense and pensive. “Are you okay? You look like you have something on your mind.”

    Darren didn’t reply, instead he kept his gaze on Stacy, as if he was thinking on what to reply to her statement. “I guess you can say I do,” he replied as he looked towards the window. “Today is the anniversary of the day my brother died.”

    Stacy didn’t reply, instead her expression stayed frozen as she processed his words. All she had heard from the others was that today was Darren’s birthday, she had no idea about the death of his brother, frankly what surprised her more was the fact he referred to it as such rather than his birthday. “You had a brother?” she asked, still sounding surprised.

    “He wasn’t my brother by blood,” Darren scratched the back of his neck; a sign of nervousness in Stacy’s mind, something that she thought was odd with Darren’s character. “My mother died when I was 4 years old and so I started leaving with my godparents, so he was technically my god-brother,” he informed. “Still, he was always there for me when I was a kid, and made sure that I was always happy.”

    Stacy listened to Darren thoroughly, feeling it was a sign of respect since he was telling her something from his past. Still, part of her thought that it was strange for Darren to suddenly talk to her about his past to begin with as he usually stayed by himself. “What happened to him?” she asked cautiously.

    Darren’s expression became even more serious now, in fact he seemed really bothered by Stacy’s question, making her feel like she had stepped too far out of line. “He was killed on my tenth birthday,” he replied, a tone of disgust and bitterness in his voice. “He was always there for me and when it was my turn to be there for him I failed him…and he died,” he clenched his fists before standing up straight.

    Stacy didn’t know how to reply to this, she wasn’t a guidance counselor or anything of the sort, she also knew that what Darren was saying was something that couldn’t be addressed with just any response either. Instead she just decided to listen while at the same time wondering just what kind of life he’s had, everything he was saying just sounded so foreign to her since she had always had a pretty normal life.

    Darren didn’t say more, it seemed like he wanted to and yet was forcing himself not to. “Long story short, the person that killed him isn’t here anymore, and yet all I can do is wonder.”

    Stacy didn’t feel like asking him more in regards to that subject, mostly because she didn’t want to think about what he meant and was actively scared to ask. Was he saying that he had killed the man, if so then how come he’s still going around the school normally; this all just went back to all of Stacy’s confusion at what goes on around the school as well. “I see…” she trailed off a bit. She put her hands down on the table, her mind conflicted as she tried to think of a way to respond to him. “Are you bothered by the fact that even though this man is gone you’re still feeling guilty?” she asked him slowly.

    Darren just nodded his head in agreement with her. “I guess it’s true what they say, that no matter what you do you can never get rid of guilt.”

    “I can’t say you can,” Stacy pointed out with a soft smile. “If you have something to take over the space filled with guilt then I’m sure you’ll eventually be able to forget about it one way or another.”

    “…what if I don’t want to have something else,” Darren replied in almost a whisper, making Stacy raise her eyebrow.

    “What do you mean?” Stacy inquired, still sounding a bit unsure on what kind of direction the conversation was going.

    “Well, I’m sure you already know this since those guys are always getting into other people’s business but today is my birthday,” Darren answered, his bitterness still showing and his gaze kept away from Stacy. “I used to think of it as the day Roger died…but now that his killer is gone I’m starting to see it as my birthday too.”

    “That’s good though, I mean it is the day you were born after all,” Stacy replied with a gentle smile on her face, standing up from her seat.

    “Is it good?” Darren asked with a raised eyebrow. He finally moved from the doorway and walked outside of the room completely, making Stacy follow him. “I’m not going to go to the Media Club room,” he stated bluntly.

    Stacy just stared at Darren’s mind; confused and unknowing as to why he would act that way. He certainly seemed like a loner, but from what she had noticed during the year she had been teaching she had thought that he was changing and getting used to the others. “Why are you telling me all of this?” was what came out of her mouth as Darren slowly turned to face her.

    “They say that if a student has something he wants to say he should talk to a teacher right?” he replied with a raised eyebrow as he pocketed his hands. “That idiot Kevin is annoying so you’re my second best bet.”

    “I-I still think you should go, I mean those kids are really trying to make this day worthwhile for you!”

    “There’s no point in the end Ms. Lewis,” Darren argued, his tone unshaken and serious. “I can’t afford to play pretend friends with them, I came to this academy to be the strongest and those guys are the ones that have thrown me off the road I had set out for myself.”

    “I still don’t think this is okay. You’re still just a kid, it doesn’t make sense for you to just resign yourself to be alone because you have baggage, especially if there’s people that are trying to help you out!” Stacy yelled, trying hard and failing to hold back her tears.

    “I stopped being a kid years ago. As simple as that,” this words crashed down with Stacy, her eyes staring widely at Darren once he began to walk away. He didn’t sound like a whiny teenager that just thought the world hated him and he hated it back. No, he sounded like a cold, war-hardened veteran, someone that had to suffer a lot in his life.

    She looked down at the floor, her fists clenched in frustration. Just what was wrong with the people in this school? There were records of events that could’ve been labeled as terrorist attacks, kids that acted like they were full grown adults and in general everyone seemed to be tolerant about things that just completely shook her. “Am I…am I really suited for this job?” she asked herself before leaning against a wall and beginning to fish for her phone. She couldn’t think about that right now, instead she had to tell the others about what had happened so that they could try and talk some sense into Darren.

    She had failed as a teacher, but she could still help out in some way.

    ***

    He remembered those times when he was a kid, he used to always smile and walk around, never noticing the things that everyone around him did. He always had him to help him out after all, to make him feel better when he was sad, to help him clear his mind when he was angry, he was the reason he was a happy kid.

    He thought back to those times when he was only five years old, how he could hear his classmate’s mothers talk about his mom and how she had died, that his father had “gone on vacation” as they so eloquently put it so as to not alert anyone. He knew he wasn’t on vacation though, if so he would’ve wanted him to go too. He never thought about this too much at that time though, instead he just thought they were talking about someone else.

    His godparents weren’t bad, but for some reason he felt like at times they looked at him with fear or annoyance, they raised him and took care of him but deep down he always felt like they never saw him as a real son. Once Roger was killed they certainly changed their mind, taking their frustrations over their dead son out on him.

    This was when he realized it. He wasn’t happy, he was never truly happy and neither was anyone around him either. Roger had died because of him, his dad had left and his mom had died because of him and lastly his godparents anguished and suffered a loss because of him.

    He ran away in the end, deciding to push all of that away and to take that baggage away from everyone else. He learned to live by himself, to survive and to strive, but he also understood that he was alone and that being alone made him feel better. When he was alone the only thing in his mind were his feelings of revenge that led him on, but he didn’t worry about his godparents or about anyone and only did what he wanted.

    Was it bad for things to stay that way? Did he have to risk getting hurt and losing people that he would probably end up holding dear just because others wanted him to change his way? What if he didn’t? what if he just wanted to be by himself and unhurt.
    Darren pondered on this, his eye staring at the clouds that adorned the sky as he lay down on a patch of grass. The spot where he had trained with Reggie was always comfortable for him and it gave him a lot of room to think about everything.

    Darren frowned, his hand landing on his chest as his grey eyes kept their gaze transfixed on the sky. Had he really changed so much? If so then maybe that was the reason as to why he had lost, maybe Kevin Blaze was right in that Darren would have to rely on teamwork in order to grow stronger.

    But that wasn’t him, he had always been on his own and he had always become stronger by his own right. Saying that he needed to rely on others was like saying that he could no longer grow on his own and that only worked in scaring Darren away from the idea.

    He had worked by himself all that time in order to kill Zivok too and he was able to do so, but now he had nothing else to do, he had no goal and no reason to fight but for the sake of fighting. But that wasn’t all that bothered Darren.

    “I killed him, I avenged you and yet…my heart still aches,” Darren gritted his teeth in frustration and clenched his hand upon his chest.

    He heard a rustling in the trees, causing him to sit up and turn towards the source of the movement with wariness, his hands diving into his pokeball belt in the case it was a wild Pokemon.

    That was not the case though. Instead he was greeted by Reggie, Allison, Valerie and Rafael as they all made their way out of the trees. “I knew you’d be here,” Reggie replied, a concerned expression on his face as he looked at Darren.

    “You know, if you’re trying to make someone feel better then you shouldn’t bring a whole freaking cavalry with you,” Darren frowned with disdain, pushing himself up from the grass. “What is it? Did you come here to reprimand me for not going to your little surprise party or something?”

    “Well of course,” Valerie was the first one to speak up, her tone making the fact that she didn’t agree with Darren’s reaction clearly. “Stacy told us about what happened, we just wanted to come and see how you were.”

    “Well as you can see I’m okay, I don’t need you guys to come to my aid or anything,” Darren shrugged, turning away from the others. “I’ve been different from you guys from day one, I thought I had made that clear.”

    “We just wanted to give you a part though, it’s your birthday after all,” Allison pointed out, she seemed different from her usual self, calmer and crestfallen.

    Darren didn’t say anything for a moment, the wind blowing his hair slightly as he turned to the girls and Reggie. “I’m glad that you guys are worrying about me, but I’m not the type of guys you should worry about.



    “Aren’t these guys your friends though?” everyone raised their eyebrows and turned their gazes to Rafael was he spoke, though he was scratching the back of his head in thought after doing so. “I mean you do give off that ‘I’m a loner so leave me alone’ type of vibe which just isn’t cool in this day and age,” he lowered his hand and kept his gaze on Darren, his serious expression unwavering. “I heard you and my girlfriend were pretty close last year too.”

    “Wait, how did you…” Valerie asked in shock, she really didn’t know where Rafael got his information from.

    Rafael just laughed at her reaction before winking at her. “Don’t worry, the past is in the past, however…” he looked back at Darren, his composure recovering. “The fact is that you have people that genuinely worry about you, going around and pushing them away is just plain rude and well just really annoying if you ask me,” he shrugged. “No point in worrying about someone that’ll just keep pushing everyone away regardless.”

    “But he’s our friend!” Reggie exclaimed, he seemed to be distraught in regards to what to do with Darren. On one end the two had grown a lot closer since the second semester started, and part of him thought that Darren really had opened up to them. “I mean, I can understand if you want to be alone to think things over but you know you can always rely on us.”

    “Why don’t you just shut up for once Reggie,” Darren groaned with annoyance, his glare falling down on Reggie. “I’m not like you, I don’t need to constantly rely on others in order to do things, yes we did grow closer but all that did was make me weaker,” his tone was bitter and distressed, reflecting the anger he was feeling. “I understand what you guys are trying to do, but Valerie’s boy toy is right, if you guys keep pushing to try and get me to open up I’ll just push back because that is not how I am.”

    “But that doesn’t mean you can’t change…”

    “I don’t want to change,” Darren replied bluntly. “I’ve been trying I have, but on the back of my head I always wonder if it’s really okay for me to do so and really deep down I don’t really want to.”

    Reggie and Darren just looked at each other as Reggie pondered over Darren’s words. Had he and the other really tried to change him that much, he seemed to have opened up more when compared to the year before and part of him thought that he really was changing his ways.

    Allison took a step forward from the others, her eyes still interlocked on Darren as he recognized her presence. “Do you really hate us that much?”

    “I don’t hate you,” he replied solemnly. “But I’m just not the type of guy that acts like everything is fine and plays pretend. Once we graduate we won’t see each other again so then what’s the point.”

    Valerie groaned, however, instead of saying anything she turned around and began to walk. “Come on guys,” she said, making Reggie and Allison turn to her in surprise, not sure if they should give up like that. She was annoyed and tired, even though they were trying to help him out and become his friends he always did his best to move away from them. “I’m tired and it seems like he’s made his decision.”

    “We can’t just ignore him though, he’s part of our group,” Reggie insisted, part of him still thinking that they shouldn’t just give up on Darren.

    “Valerie is right,” Rafael stated, wrapping his arm around Valerie. “It’ll be easier to just leave him to his own devices.”

    Reggie thought about this. Was it really okay to leave Darren alone, it’s true that that’s what he wanted but part of him still thought that maybe…

    No, that was what was wrong, he and the others had tried to change Darren, it’s true that he had opened up but they never thought about how they were approaching things and how it affected him. Reggie still stared at Darren, a somber expression on his face before he looked down at the floor. “Thanks for everything you’ve done to help me Darren.”

    Darren didn’t say anything. “Thanks to you too Reggie, I’m glad that you tried to get me to open up more but….that ends today,” he pocketed his hands and wheeled around. “My goal is to become the strongest trainer and now I can work towards that before the FTL arrives.”

    With that Darren began walking off, leaving Allison and Reggie behind.

    Allison gritted her teeth in frustration as she clenched her fists. “Fine! Do what you want!” she yelled in rage. “But now I won’t stop bothering you about that rematch, and once I beat you you’re going to have to eat all the cakes I make!”

    Reggie walked over to the first year, putting his hands on her shoulder gently so that she would try and calm down. She rubbed her eyes slightly and dried the few tears that came out. Reggie could understand why she would feel like that since she had also gotten close to Darren. “I just don’t understand.”

    “He knows what he’s doing, it’s best if we just let him do as he wishes.”

    ***

    Waves crashed against the shore of Academy Island, the mar had become more violent and unruly as the tide increased. Standing on the sand by the shore was Noeh, a grin on his face as he adjusted his black cap and looked up at the island that stood in front of him. “It sucks that it’s taken me a month just to prepare everything and actually get here, but now things can finally get started.”

    He turned around, his eyes transfixed on the jet black Dragonite that was looking up at the sky not too far from him. “Don’t go too far Quetzal, we have to get started,” he said with an air of arrogance before taking out black Holocauster from his pocket.

    “Let mission Overrun begin…I might change that name, it doesn’t sound cool enough.”

    End of Chapter 41
    Next Time: Do You Wanna Raise an Egg?

    In regards to the next chapter, I'll try for it to be shorter than this one if not the same size and to have it up within the next few days or next week at most. With that, I hope you have a great week and that you remember to r&r.

    Oh and also there are a lot of new stories right now so for anyone reading this remember to check out other stories, they have really helped me out with getting me out of my writer's block.

  10. #385
    Because I like Tophats Tophat Dragoneye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Scandinavia
    Posts
    796
    Blog Entries
    50

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    Gotta say, it's good to see your fic back in action.

    As for the chapter, it was pretty good. It showed clear development for Darren, who was the focus of the chapter and I liked that. Not only that, we also got an insight to his past and motivations. Whether or not his conclusion that he had become weaker from being alongside Reggie and Co. is true, we can only wait and see. As for the drama you created here between the characters, it was good in my honest opinion. You created some believable interaction between the characters, though Darren was a bit stubborn here (though considering how he felt at that moment, it's understandable).

    As for your decision of ending SYR soon, I respect you for that. It has gone on for a long time, yet I cannot help but get exited of what to come, especially after the ending of this chapter.
    Revolutionaryverse


    Many thanks to Blue Dragon for the signature

    ONE-shot: Forced into Retirement

  11. #386
    J'ai Envie De Toi AetherX's Avatar Moderator
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
    Posts
    977
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    Yaayyyy!

    Great chapter, but I feel like we aren't seeing anything here that we haven't seen before. Darren doesn't change, but maybe that's what this chapter was trying to show. The insight is nice one way or another. I'm interested to see what you do regarding the "friends make me weaker" idea. It reminds me of one of the characters in one of my favorite book series. Darren has a lot to learn, and I look forward to seeing him develop. Characters like that are always fun to see develop.

    I mentioned this in my last review and it wasn't a huge part of this chapter, but I like what you've done with the Rafael, Fin, Valerie triangle. Usually when someone gets in the way of a main character's love interest, the main character is a nice guy and the new boyfriend is a douche. This time it's kind of the other way around. I'm excited to see where you go with it. You already know how I feel about ending this, and I support you all of the way. You're continually improving as a writer and I can't wait for more great stuff!

    Review Extravaganza 12/50

    Unpredictable - Fan Fic
    * * * * *
    Find me on Soundcloud

  12. #387
    Wordsmith Pavell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    England
    Posts
    597
    Blog Entries
    7

    Default Re: Pokemon Academy Year II: Second Year Rhapsody

    Ok, so, just finished blasting my way through the first arc. First impressions - it feels like a new story. Treating Dragon's Roar as you would backstory was a smart move, I think.

    Technical Accuracy/Style
    Very good all round, maybe the odd malapropism but certainly nothing major. Your style of prose works well enough - personally I'd prefer to see fewer "causings" in there but that's just me. You deal with anime-characters quite well - that is to say, the outlandish hair and clothing that people tend to have in anime, which is quite difficult to do convincingly in prose.

    Story
    I'm a fan of slice-of-life, which is very much the tone of the story so far. I suspect that you're building to something, and using an arc to set up the rest of the story is no bad thing. Haven't seen much of the actual academy yet ... I don't necessarily present this as a bad thing since so far there's been plenty going on outside of the routine of school, but it does give the impression that the student's aren't really working.

    Characters
    A relatively tight cast for an academy fic, which I consider to be a good thing. I can keep track of everyone at the moment, and the basic traits of each person come through. There are definitely some likeable characters in there, though I can't say I'm especially attached to anyone yet. The guys are a bit bro-y (Looking at you, Fin), which is fine for their age and the setting, but puts me off them personally.

    My only real complaint is that the hot teachers act very unprofessionally during the Lost in the Forest chapter. I get that they don't like each other, but I have a hard time believing that they'd be so overt about it in front of students. Speaking of which, with just this story to go on I'd swear you are a leg man. I'll let you decide whether that's a criticism or not.

    Final Thoughts
    There's good pacing here, with chapters of a length that's easy to read and digest in a sitting
    The Long Walk
    For Joshua Cook, it's a long walk away from his dull life to the Pokémon League. But does he really want to be the very best? A coming-of-age story of adventure, friendship and growing up in the world of Pokémon.


Page 26 of 26 FirstFirst ... 16242526

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •