9th May 2011, 11:03 PM #1
CEO of the Monsters
Poké Ball: A Mystical Adventure (Crack/Parody) (Episode 2)
Yet another project from Lugion. Yup.
This was just so obvious, I can't believe no one's done it yet. For everyone familiar with the Dragon Ball franchise this really isn't for you. This is more for those unfamiliar, or the really die-hard fans who can't get enough of either series. In short, this is a re-telling of Dragon Ball, using Pokémon.
So, here it is, Episode One.
Episode 1: Goku and Bulma
The young Chimchar, an orange primate Pokémon with a flaming hind-end, wearing a baggy blue outfit with a white sash for a belt, grunted as he grasped a massive block of wood. He breathed in and out, his chest expanding and contracting rapidly, his tongue curled against his lip in a look of pure concentration. His feet sunk back into the dirt and the palms of his hands ached as he lifted with all his might. With a final grunt, the young Chimchar thrust the wood high into the air, and quickly followed suit, launching himself after it.
He extended his leg at precisely the right moment, causing the wooden block to shatter into small fragments, which clattered to the ground below. A second later, the Chimchar landed nimbly beside the pieces of firewood, and, after brushing a lock of hair out of his face, began to pile them up on his arms.
“That takes care of the wood choppin'!” he said cheerily to himself, grinning.
Carrying the wood, he walked back to the tiny brick hut he lived in, and dropped the pile next to the front door. He opened the ornate front door, and stepped into the neatly-kept single room. He felt like there was a hole in his stomach, which was now growling hungrily, so he took a quick glance around the room, making sure everything was in order, and stepped to a table at the center of the room, at the center of which a glowing orange oblong stone with a flame design in the center lay sparkling atop a tiny pillow.
The Chimchar put his hands together as if he were praying and said, “I'm going to go get some food, now, Grandpa, okay? Don't go anywhere.” He turned, and tied a wooden tube containing a Farfetch'd's Stick to his back, and left.
Before long, the hut had disappeared from view. His stomach growled again, and he rubbed it. “What am I going to eat today?” he wondered aloud.
A small, rickety blue car came to a stop along the dirt path. Though the sides read “Turbo”, the fastest speed the vehicle could approach was nothing to brag about. At least, that's what the young Panpour, a blue primate Pokémon with a bushy tuft of fur on the top of her head, thought as she climbed out from the driver's seat and took a deep breath, smoothing the wrinkles in her short pink dress.
She glanced around, spotting a few Chatot and Pidgey playing around in the air nearby, but otherwise, the area was completely empty.
Shrugging, she held out a small blue device in front of her, and tapped a button. A radar appeared on the screen, a black grid over a light brownish-green background. Four yellow circles in each other's immediate vicinity blinked in the center of the screen. A fifth was not far away.
“A little more to the west, I guess. Not far, though,” she said to herself, before climbing back in the car and screeched off, startling the playing flying-type Pokémon.
“I just had Ursaring earlier... I wonder if there's any Luxray around?” the young Chimchar wondered as he passed down a path he knew by heart, that led to a nearby river. A few minutes later, he came to a steep cliff overlooking the river.
“Fish! Yeah, I haven't had that in a long time!” he shouted excitedly. Throwing caution to the wind, he leapt uncaringly over the side of the cliff, caught a branch with his tail, swung off of it, and landed on a large, flat boulder at the river's edge.
He stared down at his reflection for a few seconds, before submerging the tip of his tail. A large Basculin caught sight of this, and said “Well, what do we have here? Stupid monkey!” It laughed as it darted after the tail, but its jaws closed around nothing but water as it sailed into the air above the water's surface.
The Chimchar acted at once, as if on instinct. Before he even consciously realized it, he was in the air, delivering a powerful kick to the Basculin's side, killing it instantly. Together, the Chimchar and the Basculin plunged into the waters, and a few seconds later, the Chimchar resurfaced, dragging the dead Basculin along behind him.
“What a catch! What a catch!” he repeated to himself, hauling the fish along the old road leading back to his hut, as water dripped from his soaked clothes.
A few moments passed before the Chimchar noticed a new sound rising above the grinding of the Basculin's scales against the road. It was a kind of buzzing or humming sound. “What's that?” he wondered aloud, turning to look for the source of the sound. At that moment, a large metal beast whose side spelled out the word “Turbo” burst over a hill, speeding along the road.
The Chimchar's eyes widened and he gasped in shock, as the beast screeched to a halt mere inches from him. There were several loud honks, and it began yelling at him: “Watch where you're going, you little moron! You could've gotten yourself killed!”
Almost immediately, the Chimchar recovered, glaring angrily at the beast. “So, a monster? Trying to snatch my dinner, huh?” The Chimchar dropped his prey and began to lift the beast, which groaned in protest, over his head.
“What!? What!?” it cried, as the Chimchar grunted and tossed it several yards, and pieces of it dropped off on impact.
The Chimchar brandished the Stick attached to his back, “Now, come on and fight! Fight!”
Something climbed from a broken portion of the monster, holding a shiny black cylinder. “A hideous demon emerges from the monster!” the Chimchar said, preparing himself for battle.
“SQUELCH IT, PEEWEE!” the demon shrieked, and the end of the black cylinder exploded. The Chimchar was tossed back by the force of several tiny impacts.
“Oh, ow!” the Chimchar cried, sitting up. “What are you? A witch?”
“Good God!” the demon said. “How did you survive that?!”
The Chimchar let out a laugh. “Ha! Dummy, you think you can hurt me with little ouchies like that!?” He once again raised his Stick for battle. “Now, prepare to die!”
“WOAH! WAIT! Time out, time out! I'm no demon! I'm a Pokémon, just like you!” the demon cried, holding her hands out in front of herself in surrender.
“What?” the Chimchar said, stopping in mid-strike, “A Pokémon? Really?”
“Well, yeah, just like you! Take a look!” the Pokémon said.
Warily, the Chimchar scanned this new arrival up and down from every angle. Finally satisfied, he held his Stick out to his side, one end planted against the road.
“You're kinda like me, but there's something different... You're all curvy and soft...” the Chimchar said.
“Well, duh, brainiac. I'm a Panpour, and you're a Chimchar. And, I'm a girl, too,” the Pokémon said, climbing out of her metal steed. She was easily twice as tall as the Chimchar.
“Oh, you're a girl!” the Chimchar said, as if he finally understood something.
“Haven't you seen a girl before?”
“I haven't seen very many other Pokémon before,” the Chimchar replied. “My grandpa told me, though, that if I ever meet a girl, I should treat her nice.”
The Panpour winked. “Well then, isn't it time to get started?”
The Chimchar looked down at the Panpour's waist. “So I guess girls don't have tails. Weird.”
The Panpour likewise looked down at the Chimchar, and noticed a furry brown tail attached to his back. Hahaha! What a dork! Probably thinks that fake tail makes him look cool! she thought.
The Chimchar stood back and looked at the dead beast laying on its side on the road. “So who's that Pokémon? How'd you catch it?”
“That's not a Pokémon, that's a car,” the Panpour explained. “Pokémon make them.”
“Oh, so this is a car!” the Chimchar said, climbing on top of it. “I've heard storied about them! Does this mean you're from the city?”
“Well, let's just say I'm from the West,” the Panpour said.
“Cool! You should come with me, we'll eat at my place!” the Chimchar suggested.
“So long as that's all you do,” the Panpour muttered under her breath.
“You know, you're pretty strong for your size!” she said, as she followed the Chimchar down the road.
“Yeah! Grandpa trained me!” the Chimchar replied enthusiastically.
This kid may be a major freakazoid, but I sure could use that strength of his, the Panpour thought as they came to a small brick hut.
“Wait here a second!” the Chimchar said, tossing open the door and running inside.
“Not much of a house, is it?” the Panpour said to herself, before stepping inside. Her jaw dropped immediately.
The Chimchar put his hands together, and announced proudly to a glimmering orange stone, “Grandpa, look! A girl!”
“That's it! The Evolution Stone!” the Panpour shouted. She rushed forward to grab it, knocking the Chimchar aside. “I KNEW my radar wasn't malfunctioning!”
The Chimchar grabbed her arm. “Hey, let go of my Grandpa! That was his last possession! Even girls aren't allowed to touch it!”
“Well,” the Panpour sighed, stepping back from the stone and reaching inside her purse.
“Voila!” she said, producing four similar stones, one gray with a green leaf pattern, one yellow with a lightning bolt shape inside it, one light blue with a shimmering starburst in the center, and a dull purple one. All five stones began to emit a soft glow.
“What? You have four grandpas?” the Chimchar exclaimed.
“No, they're called 'Evolution Stones',” the Panpour explained.
“That was a pretty bad movie,” the Chimchar said.
“Yeah, well, I found this one in my storage shed a few weeks ago,” the Panpour said, holding up the leaf-pattern stone. “I had no idea what it was, and neither did anyone I asked. So I did some research, and found this old legend that describes them. It said that there are nine stones, and that they glow like the stars at night when you gather them together.”
“Grandpa has fire in him!” the Chimchar said.
“Then that's the Fire Stone. The first one I found was the Leaf Stone, and after searching a valley in the south for a few days, I found the Thunder Stone. The Dawn Stone was in a cave in the east, and the Dusk Stone wasn't that far away.”
“So you're collecting them?”
“I'm half of the way there! But it sure won't be a cakewalk from here on out.”
“So why do you want them? Are you gonna make a necklace?” The Chimchar imagined the Panpour wearing a necklace with the five stones, along with a few others, each easily able to fit into someone's palm.
“No. Something amazing happens when you gather all nine! You just call forth Shenron, the Eternal Dragon! He'll grant you any wish, but just one!”
“Wow!” the Chimchar yelled enthusiastically. “That's awesome!”
“Yeah,” the Panpour said, laying all five stones in a cross shape on the table. “The last person who collected all nine became the king of the world. But somehow, over the centuries, the stones became scattered again, leaving little old me to gather 'em back together! And I've already decided on a wish!” The Panpour straightened herself up.
“At first, I wanted a lifetime's supply of strawberries, but now I know I want to wish for the perfect boyfriend!” The Panpour seemed like she might do a pirouette, but stood rooted to the spot, and looked down at the Chimchar. “So that's the deal. Now give me the Fire Stone, please!”
“No way!” the Chimchar said, recoiling with his precious stone in his hands. “This is all I've got left of Grandpa!”
“Oh come on!” the Panpour shouted impatiently, placing her hands on her hips. “What on Earth are you going to do with it, anyway?!”
Then she smirked. “Oh, I get it, you naughty little boy. You want something in return. Well, okay,” she said, bending over and pulling up the edge of her dress seductively. “Just one quick little feel.”
The Chimchar, confused, furrowed his eyebrows. “Why would I want to touch your stinky butt?”
The Panpour straightened instantly, rage in her eyes. “MY BUTT'S NOT STINKY!” she shouted, before taking a step back and taking several deep, calming breaths. “Okay, okay! You can help me with my quest. Your Grandpa told you to be nice to girls, right? Besides, it's not like you have anything better to do around here anyway. And boys like you are supposed to love quests.”
“Oh, okay!” the Chimchar said, his eyes brightening. “But I'm not giving you Grandpa.”
“Fine, fine. I'll just need to borrow it at the end.”
A few moments later, the Chimchar had wrapped the Fire Stone in a cloth sack and tied it shut, and then attached it to his belt, and he and the Panpour, who had returned her own Evolution Stones to their bag, were walking down the road again, outside of the hut.
“All right! Let the adventure begin!” the Panpour declared cheerfully, producing a small blue device from the pack on her belt.
“But how do we find the rest of the stones?” the Chimchar asked.
The Panpour let out a pretentious chuckle. “I'm not just a pretty face, you know! It just so happens that my Pokégear functions as a radar that detects the electromagnetic pulses given off by the stones!” She lowered her hand to let the Chimchar see, and then pointed to a cluster of flashing lights in the center of the screen. “See, these five in the center are the ones we have, so the next closest is about 1,200 kilometers to the west.”
She replaced the Pokégear in her fanny pack and brought out a black case, which she opened to reveal several red and white spheres. “You wrecked my car, so we'll have to take out a new one. Good thing I'm so prepared. By the way, what's your name?” she said absently, mostly concentrating on the capsules in the case.
“My name's Goku. Son Goku,” the Chimchar replied. “What about you?”
“I'm Bulma,” the Panpour answered.
The Chimchar burst into a fit of laughter. “Bulma!?” he shouted incredulously. “Doesn't that mean 'bloomers'?”
“SHUT UP, I DIDN'T PICK IT!” Bulma shouted back.
“Now, let's see here, which one...?” Bulma muttered, turning her attention back to the capsules. “Oh, yeah, number nine!” She plucked the capsule beneath a white numeral nine, pressed the white button on its front, and tossed it to the ground in front of them.
“Stand back!” she warned, taking a few steps back. Goku followed, and there was a pop and a puff of smoke, and a white motorcycle with an arched glass roof appeared where the capsule had been.
“You are a witch! I knew it!” Goku said, grabbing the end of his Stick.
“Calm down, everybody in the city has Poké Balls. Now swing that tail of yours up on the seat behind me,” Bulma said, swinging one leg over onto the motorcycle's seat.
“Well, okay,” Goku said, climbing behind Bulma. Suddenly, the ground flew out from behind them, and the motorcycle roared as Bulma gunned the engine.
“This thing goes even faster than I can run!” Goku shouted over the wind.
“Hey! Watch what you're grabbing onto!” Bulma shrieked, removing Goku's hand from her chest.
Several minutes later, the motorcycle rocketed over a steep hill, and bounced hard at the bottom.
“Wow!” Goku exclaimed. “That was unbelievable! You made it fly!”
“Yeah, pretty cool, huh?” Bulma said, obviously flustered, bringing the motorcycle to a halt and climbing off.
“I'll be right back,” she said.
“Huh?” Goku said. “Where are you going?”
Bulma stiffened. “Don't you have any idea what a lady means when she says something like that!?”
“Oh, you mean you gotta pee!” Goku said. Bulma stormed off behind a grove of trees next to the road.
“But why's she gotta do it over there? Why can't she just pee right here, like a normal person?” Goku wondered aloud.
Suddenly, a scream broke the silence. “Now what's wrong?” Goku said as he raced around the grove of trees, stopping just short of a massive gray and purple Aerodactyl, who was clutching Bulma in one hand.
“Who are you?” the Aerodactyl growled. “A member of the pack or something?”
“No, I'm Goku. I just met her. Are you a friend of hers?”
The Aerodactyl seemed taken aback, but quickly rebounded. “Yeah, in fact, there was something I needed to discuss with the girl here. Just stay right here.”
A few seconds later, the Aerodactyl was soaring away, with a petrified Bulma still held firmly in one hand.
“That's funny,” Goku said, his arms bound to one of the trees by a rope. “Why did he have to tie me up?”
He looked up at the shrinking Aerodactyl. “Don't take too long, okay!?”
“Haha, no problem!” the Aerodactyl said. “It's been too long since I've, uh... partaken! Yeah, that's it!” He let out a monstrous laugh.
Finally, Bulma screamed, “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!? RESCUE ME, YOU IDIOT!”
“Oh, so now she wants to be rescued?” Goku easily untied the knotted rope using his tail. “I wish she'd make up her mind. But how am I gonna fly up- Hey! I remember!”
With this sudden epiphany, Goku ran back to the motorcycle, still sitting on the road idling. “Now, how did she do this?” he said, climbing into the seat again. “I think she twisted this...” He twisted the acceleration, and the motorcycle jerked forward a few inches.
“All right!” Goku yelled. “It's moving!” Goku accelerated until everything else was a blur except for the Aerodactyl, high above in the sky. The motorcycle careened over the slope of another steep hill, launching high into the air, but it didn't have enough momentum.
“Don't stop now!” Goku said. “Guess I gotta jump!” Goku leapt from the seat as the motorcycle fell away back to the earth, brandishing his Stick.
“All right, you, take this! Power Stick, extend!” Goku commanded, and the Stick grew several feet instantly, and Goku bashed the Aerodactyl's skull in, and it dropped Bulma and began to plummet back toward the ground, dead.
Bulma was screaming at the top of her lungs, but Goku threw the Stick expertly like a spear, and it passed through the sleeves of Bulma's dress, catching her and pinning her to a cliff face. Goku landed nimbly on the ground below and, using his hand to block the sun, looked up at Bulma.
“See, Bulma! This didn't turn out so bad!” Goku said, laughing as a stream of liquid dripped from between Bulma's knees.
“What's not so bad about peeing my pants!?” Bulma cried in reply.
And, that's a wrap! Yeah, pretty much lifted from the first issue, but there really wasn't much of a way around that. The next episode will be better, though. The series as a whole will be pretty condensed, 'cause I'm basing it mostly on the manga.
Last edited by Lugion; 26th May 2011 at 08:44 PM.
10th May 2011, 03:29 PM #2
Re: Poké Ball: A Mystical Adventure
Oh lawd. Just oh lawd. Some of my favorite things into one, silly story.
11th May 2011, 02:38 PM #3
I Put On Fo My City
Re: Poké Ball: A Mystical Adventure (Crack/Parody)
I literally laughed out loud. Amazing compilation of comedy. Bulks and Goku towards the end were geniusly handled. Great stuff.
26th May 2011, 08:42 PM #4
CEO of the Monsters
Re: Poké Ball: A Mystical Adventure (Crack/Parody)
Episode 2: Nimbus Cloud of Roshi
Before much time had passed, the sun began to dip lower and lower into the western sky, and Bulma, deciding to stop for the night to set up camp, slowed her motorcycle to a stop.
“I get the soft leaves for my bed!” Goku shouted happily, hopping down from the seat.
“As if,” Bulma scoffed. “You really think I'd sleep outside?”
Goku furrowed his brow. “Well, where else are you gonna sleep? I don't see any houses around here.”
Bulma produced the capsule case from her fanny pack. “No way!” Goku said. “You're not really gonna pop a house out of one of those things!?”
“They're called 'Poké Balls', and you can put anything inside them.” Bulma climbed off of the motorcycle and scanned the area in the fading light. “This looks like a nice, level spot. Better clear out, monkey boy,” she said, tossing another capsule, which exploded in a puff of smoke into a white dome-shaped house with a long antenna and a small tower extending from the top.
Bulma turned to see Goku shaking several feet behind her. “Well, still wanna sleep outside?” she asked, smirking.
“Are you sure you're not a witch?” Goku asked, suspicious.
“Oh, will you just shut up and come inside?” Bulma said irritably, opening the door to the tiny house and stepping inside. Goku tentatively followed. Bulma clapped her hands, and the lights blinked on.
“Sheesh,” Bulma said, fanning the air in front of her nose, “you're really stinking up the joint. You need a bath.”
“Bath? What's that?” Goku asked.
“You've gotta be joking!” Bulma shrieked.
A few moments later, the tub in the house's bathroom was full of warm water, and Bulma kneeled beside it, clutching a loofah in one hand and shutting the faucet with the other. “Come on, I guess I gotta help you.”
Goku entered the bathroom completely naked, staring curiously at a towel.
“Will you hurry up and get in!?” Bulma said. Goku obediently climbed in, standing knee-deep in water. Bulma squirted a large amount of shampoo into one hand and lathered it into Goku's hair.
“What is that? It feels weird,” Goku complained.
“Oh, shut up. You know how many guys dream of this?” Bulma replied, grabbing the soapy loofah. “Turn around so I can wash your back.”
Goku turned, his tail waving in the air like a tentacle. “You actually attached this thing to your butt?” Bulma said, grabbing it.
“Hey, don't touch my tail!” Goku said, yanking it out of Bulma's hand and grabbing the loofah. “I can wash my own butt.”
Bulma's screams could be heard from a very impressive distance.
Bulma sank into the warm bubbly waters, crossing her legs and hanging them over the edge of the tub. "Is this kid for real?" she said to herself. "He acts like I'm the weirdo."
She glanced over and found Goku staring at her, and collapsed beneath the bubbles. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE LOOKING AT, PIPSQUEAK!!!???" she screamed.
"So instead of a tail, you've got an extra butt," he said.
"IT'S NOT A BUTT, YOU MORON! ALL GIRLS HAVE THEM!"
Goku and Bulma's eyes locked for a few moments.
"Goku..." Bulma growled when the Chimchar didn't leave.
"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!" Bulma yelled, hurling everything she could reach at him, sending him scurrying out the bathroom door.
"This is food?" Goku said, looking at everything set on the table. He picked up a loaf of bread and took a large bite, and chewed a few times before spitting it out. "Ew, this bread stuff is gross!" He grabbed a mug of dark brown coffee to wash it down, and spat that back into the mug. "And this soup is bitter!"
"That's coffee, stupid," Bulma said, "and if you don't like it, you can go find your own food!"
So Goku left the house, walking into the night.
About thirty minutes later, a massive object soared by overhead and landed in a canyon. "Oh, wow! That's a big bird!" Goku cried, hurrying after it, and leaping down into the canyon.
He searched for the bird through a thick forest of dead trees at the bottom of the canyon, and finally found it sitting on top of a large rock slab. A yellow-furred Persian with dressed in a black trench coat and a red Vulpix dressed in ninja attire stood next to it.
"According to our agent, the Evolution Stone should be somewhere in this canyon," the Persian was saying.
"I dunno, maybe we should go back and tell Emperor Pilaf that it was a dud? This place gives me the creeps," the Vulpix said.
"Oh, quit your whining, Shu!" the Persian said.
"Hey, that's my bird! It saw it first! You can't have it!" Goku shouted, brandishing his Power Stick.
"Hey, look, Mai," the Vulpix said. "Who's the kid?"
Suddenly, the snarls of a multitude of Watchog filled the air, as the beasts attacked. Mai, the Persian, and Shu, the Vulpix, screamed and quickly climbed back into what Goku thought was a bird and took off.
Goku fended off the Watchog from all sides with his Power Stick, smacking them in their faces, their sides, their hind-quarters, and even killed one by punching it in the forehead. Before long, the Watchog retreated, and Goku carried the dead one back to camp.
Disgusted, Bulma refused Goku entry until he'd gotten rid of the dead Pokémon, as well as a miniscule Scolipede he'd found on the way back. Shrugging, Goku sat his meal down and gathered stones into a circle, gathered some firewood, and cooked both before devouring them.
"All right, Bulma, I'm done!" Goku said, bursting through the door.
"At least brush your teeth!" Bulma said, grabbing a set of blankets in the bedroom. But instead, Goku immediately went to the bed and began to jump excitedly on it.
"This bed is so soft!" he said. "It's been a long time since I've had somebody to sleep with!"
"'Sleep with'?" Bulma said incredulously. "You're kidding. Here's your blanket, and here's the floor."
"Aw, but Grandpa always used to let me use him for a pillow!" Goku protested.
"YOU'RE NOT USING ME FOR A PILLOW, FREAK!" Bulma shouted.
The morning sun broke over the horizon, spilling soft yellow light into the capsule house through the windows. Goku climbed out of his palette and yawned, stretching. He glanced over at Bulma, who had kicked off all of her blankets, with a sudden curiosity.
"Her pillow's not as big as Grandpa's, but I can try it!" he said, climbing onto the bed and laying his head on Bulma's crotch. He felt something missing, though, so he rolled over onto his hands and knees, and patted the area where his head had been, before pulling Bulma's panties off. What he found shocked him.
He jumped off the bed, screaming, "Bulma, your stones are gone!"
"What, what!?" Bulma said, instantly awake. She leapt out of bed and ran to a table next to the wall, and opened a bag on it.
"What are you talking about, the Evolution Stones are right here! Stop having nightmares, will you, you're freaking me out!" Bulma said, replacing the stones.
An hour later, Goku waited boredly for Bulma to finish getting herself ready for the day. "Bul-ma! How much longer?" he whined. "You're so slow, you're going to turn into a turtle!"
"Excuse me, you're the one who wakes up way too early!" Bulma shouted back from the bathroom.
"I guess I'll go get some exercise, then," Goku said, exiting the house and running up to a group of boulders nearby. With a grunt, he lifted the first, smashing it to pieces in his hands, and then a second, before picking up a dark blue mass that squirmed as he lifted it.
"Huh?" Goku said, sitting the object back on the ground.
"Dear me, what a fright," it said.
"Oh, no! You really did turn into a turtle!" Goku said, realizing that what he'd just picked up was in fact a rather large Tirtouga.
"What are you babbling about?" Bulma demanded, sticking her head out the front door. "What's with the turtle?"
"So it's not you?" Goku said.
"Pssh," Bulma replied. "It looks like a sea turtle, but what's it doing so far from the sea?"
"Pardon me, but may I trouble you for a bucket of seawater?" the Tirtouga said politely.
"Sure," Bulma said, shrugging, and disappearing inside the door. She reappeared a few moments later carrying a large pail full of water, which the Tirtouga submerged his head in and sucked up like a vacuum.
"Thank you so much," the Tirtouga said. "I should explain. You see, I'm a turtle."
"Shocking," Bulma said flatly.
"I'm a sea turtle, to be precise, but I went gathering mushrooms, don't you know, and, well, darn it all, I took a wrong turn. I've been wandering around for the past year or so, hoping to find my way back to the ocean," the Tirtouga explained.
"Wow!" Goku said.
"Well, you're going in the wrong direction," Bulma said. "The ocean is about 120 kilometers to the south."
"That far? Oh dear," the Tirtouga said. "It'll take me twenty years to go that far!"
"How exactly does that work?" Bulma muttered under her breath.
"Hey, we'll take you!" Goku said.
"Really? Oh, thank you so much!" the Tirtouga said.
"Are you NUTS?" Bulma said. "I am on summer vacation, you know. There's only thirty days left to find all the Evolution Stones! It's not our responsibility, we've got our own quest to think about!"
"Then I'll go without you," Goku said, lifting the Tirtouga onto his back.
"FINE!" Bulma screamed, "BUT DON'T YOU EVER DARKEN MY DOOR AGAIN!"
Goku began walking southward, leaving Bulma alone.
"Who needs ya, anyways?" Bulma said aloud.
"Wait, I forgot to get his Evolution Stone! If I can't get it back..."
The roar of a Tyranitar sent shivers down Bulma's spine, and she turned to see the massive Pokémon stomping a few hundred meters away. Not long after, she was speeding after Goku on her capsule motorcycle, still wearing her pajamas.
"Wait up!" she called. "You can't do this without me!"
"But I thought," Goku began.
"Listen, I'm just too noble for my own good!" Bulma replied.
"Oh, I get it," Goku said with a grin. "You got scared." He snickered.
"Shows what you know, doofus! The great Bulma is never scared!"
After a few hours of traveling, and an encounter with a particularly nasty Ursaring who seemed to have a taste for Tirtouga flesh, Goku, Bulma, and the Tirtouga arrived at the beach.
"We've arrived! You've done it, lad, it's the ocean!" the Tirtouga cried happily.
"Woah!" Goku shouted. "That's the biggest river I've ever seen! Must be pretty roomy, huh?"
"Could you wait here for just a little bit? Such great generosity shouldn't go unrewarded!" the Tirtouga said, climbing into the ocean.
"Gee, I can't wait to see a turtle's idea of a reward," Bulma said sarcastically.
"Reward?" Goku said, running into the water after the Tirtouga, who quickly disappeared.
Bulma slipped out of her shoes and stepped into the water. "Y'know, if I'd known I'd end up here, I would've packed a swimsuit."
Goku dunked his head beneath the surface, and came out sputtering. "Gross! Who put all this salt in the water?"
Not long after, something in the distance caught Bulma's eye. "Hey, what's that?" she said, retreating to the sandy beach.
"Hey, it the turtle!" Goku said. "But there's somebody riding on him!"
"You can see that far?" Bulma said. "But who would ride a turtle?"
"Aloha!" cried the passenger, an elderly Blastoise wearing sunglasses and a white mustache and beard and carrying a wooden cane with a large bulb on the end.
"Sorry to keep you waiting!" the Tirtouga said.
"Oh, just what we need, an old man," Bulma muttered.
"Hello!" the Blastoise said. "I heard you helped my friend here!"
"Who are you?" Goku asked.
"Who am I? Why, my boy, I am the Turtle Hermit, Master Roshi!" the Blastoise answered dramatically.
"Did they both help you?" Roshi asked the Tirtouga.
"Only the boy, I'm afraid," the Tirtouga answered, shaking his head.
"Well, my boy," Master Roshi said, stepping toward Goku, "we owe you one, and I'm payin' up with a mighty nice reward!"
Roshi paused for dramatic effect, before holding his cane in the air and crying, "COME TO ME, IMMORTAL MOLTRES!"
A few moments passed, and nothing happened.
"Maybe he meant 'invisible'," Bulma muttered.
"Sir, if you'll recall the unpleasantness with the tainted bird seed..." the Tirtouga said.
"Gah! You're right! We lost the poor fellow!" Master Roshi said.
"So the 'Immortal Moltres'... died?" Bulma said.
"I was gonna have him grant you immortality, but I guess that won't happen now. But I know what I'll do!" Roshi said. "This is even better! COME TO ME, FLYING ALTARIA!" Roshi struck the same pose as when he'd called for the Immortal Moltres. Sure enough, a white cloud-like Altaria zipped through the sky toward them.
"It's a cloud!" Bulma gasped.
"This," Roshi said, as the Altaria stopped in front of him, "is the Flying Altaria, and I'm giving it to you."
"So how do you eat it?" Goku asked.
"You don't eat it! You ride it!" Roshi replied. "It'll take you wherever you want!"
"You mean it'll really fly me around?" Goku said.
"Yes," Roshi said, "but only if your heart is pure. Watch this." Roshi hopped onto the Altaria, and promptly fell through it, landing hard on the sand.
"Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" Roshi said, as the Tirtouga helped him to his feet.
"M-master, how can this be?" the Tirtouga asked.
"Let me try!" Goku said, leaping nimbly onto the Altaria, which seemed now as solid as the Tirtouga's shell. "Whoo-hoo!" Goku cried, as the Altaria soared high into the air, looping and spiraling.
Suddenly, Bulma noticed something hanging around Master Roshi's neck. The old man was wearing a necklace- and the jewel was the bright orange Sun Stone!
"Hey, hey! What about me, give me something!" Bulma blurted before she could stop herself.
"You said this girl didn't help you?" Roshi asked the Tirtouga.
"No, sir, she did not," the Tirtouga answered firmly.
"Well, I've only got the one Altaria, b-but I s-s'pose there is something else I could give you i-if you let me t-take a p-p-peek at your p-p-panties!" Roshi said, going red in the face.
"Now sir! Really? I guess now we know why you can't ride the cloud," the Tirtouga said.
"Hey, cut me some slack! It's hard living hundreds of years all alone!" Roshi said. "I deserve a little peek every now and then!"
"Well, I guess..." Bulma said, blushing. "If it's only my panties... LOOK FAST!" Bulma jerked her dress up for a split-second, bearing herself to Roshi, whose blood pressure spiked, causing a fountain of blood to spray from his nostrils.
"Y'see that, boy?" Roshi said, turning to the Tirtouga. "Like I always say, 'live right, and life throws you a prize every now and then!'"
"Okay, now! Come on!" Bulma said impatiently. "You owe me now, right?"
"Oh, I suppose so," Roshi said, scratching his head.
"Gimme that!" Bulma said, stepping forward and snatching the Sun Stone from around Roshi's neck.
"Pretty, huh? I skimmed it off the ocean a couple hundred years ago and put it in this necklace," Master Roshi said.
"HEY GOKU!" Bulma called. Goku descended on his Altaria, stopping at Bulma's side.
"What's up?" he said.
"Look at this!" Bulma said, holding up the Stone for Goku to see.
"Wow, an Evolution Stone!" Goku said.
"Then I'm right, right? My radar showed one way to the south, so this must be it! It would've been a pain getting it out of the ocean!"
"This must be the Sun Stone!" Goku said, grinning widely.
"Hold on just a minute!" Roshi said. "I never said anything about givin' it to you. Especially since it's apparently valuable."
"Oh, didn't you?" Bulma said, winking seductively, and flashing Master Roshi several more times.
"Okay, okay!" Roshi said, recoiling and burying his nose in a handkerchief. "You can keep it!"
A few moments later, Master Roshi was riding his Tirtouga back to his island home, and Goku and Bulma were traveling back to their capsule house.
Approaching the house, much more quickly this time due to the speed of Goku's Flying Altaria, Goku shouted, "Aren't you glad we helped that Tirtouga now!?"
"You bet!" Bulma said, stopping her motorcycle. "Soon as I get dressed, we can go looking for the other three! That's all that's left!"
Bulma ran inside, and there was a piercing scream. "MY PANTIES!" Goku rushed inside.
"Then that means... I had nothing..." Bulma whimpered.
"Oh, don't worry! You'll survive without those parts!" Goku laughed.
Bulma spun around, her face contorting with rage. "You mean you... YOU TOOK OFF MY PANTIES!?"
"THESE!" Bulma shouted, holding up the plain white pair of underwear that Goku had so casually tossed aside that morning.
"Oh yeah, I did that," Goku answered.
Bulma replied with a round of machine gun fire, chasing Goku out of the house.
A few moments later, Bulma was dressed, and pressed a button on the outside of the house, which immediately returned to its capsulized form, shrinking into the shape of a red and white sphere.
"If you ever do something like that again, I'm shooting to kill!" Bulma said angrily.
"I guess you could make it up by letting me on your cloud. We'll make much better time that way," Bulma said.
"I wouldn't try that," Goku said. "The Turtle Hermit said that you have to have a pure heart."
"Nobody's heart is purer than mine!" Bulma said, hopping onto the cloud, and promptly falling flat on her face on the ground.
"Told ya so!" Goku said, grinning.
"Is it a sin to be too beautiful?" Bulma said, picking herself up off the ground. She sighed, and climbed on her motorcycle, and she and Goku began to head west.
A ship beached itself on a small island marked only by a large, white house with the words "KAME HOUSE" written across the front wall, and out hopped the Vulpix named Shu, the Persian named Mai, and a fat, blue Palpitoad.
"Where is he? Where is the old man?" the Palpitoad demanded.
"Uh, sir, there's nobody-" Mai began.
"Shut up, Mai. There is indeed somebody!" the Palpitoad growled, pointing to a blue-scaled Croconaw wearing sunglasses and laying in a lawnchair in front of the house.
"What the hell are you doing here? You won't ever appear in the series again, and I demand to know wear the old man is!" the Palpitoad said, brandishing a knife threateningly.
"Hey, now, there's no need for that! The old man's right here!" called a voice.
The Palpitoad and his underlings turned to see a Blastoise approaching them on a Tirtouga.
"Give us your Evolution Stone!" the Palpitoad demanded.
"Sorry, I already gave it away," Master Roshi said, climbing off of the Tirtouga. "To a pretty girl on the beach."
At this, the Palpitoad screamed in frustration.
"Are you okay, sire?" Shu asked.
"Fine, fine," the Palpitoad said. "Well, we're beached here. Care to give us a hand, old man?"
"Sure," Roshi agreed.
The Palpitoad, Mai, and Shu climbed back into the ship, and Master Roshi placed his hands firmly against the hull and groaned, pushing with all his might. He pushed so hard, in fact, that one of his hands tore a hole in the hull. Chuckling to himself, Master Roshi pushed the boat back out into the ocean.
"Thank you!" the Palpitoad called.
"Don't mention it!" Roshi said.
It wasn't long before the Palpitoad was impatiently ordering Mai and Shu to bail as much water out of the ship as they could as it sunk deeper and deeper below the water.
27th May 2011, 07:14 PM #5
Re: Poké Ball: A Mystical Adventure (Crack/Parody) (Episode 2)