Thread: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (7)

Haha, I haven't even put that much thought into what the explosion resembles in real life aside from, like it says in the story, an accident of some sort.

I think the explosion is like a terrorist thing or something.

Are you goin to post next chapter soon?

I've been preoccupied, but I hope to have Chapter 7 up by the end of the weekend. We'll see though.

Ok thank you.

This has a few flaws, but by and large, it's seriously impressive. The writing just has this flow to it unlike almost any other fanfiction I've seen. It seems you've thought out the world of the story really well, incorporating sports, government, media, etc. And I like how Milo's failed a lot early on, because it's more dramatic and interesting to see him have to learn from his mistakes than succeed immediately. I would have preferred if you hadn't been so blunt with Milo's monologue to Rena about his brother's death and father's desertion, but ah well. People don't usually exposition-dump to other people in real life except under extraordinary circumstances.
Milo's lies to Rena are also a good piece of writing. He's more sympathetic and human because he lies to impress a girl. Please keep making Milo (and hopefully the others, too) flawed but likable. I'm super-eager to see what's next. :)

I liked how Milo told Rena about his brothe and father. She was mad at him already and she asked him why he was in the Quest anyway. It seemed like he was desperate to make her like him or not be mad anymore so he said that stuff.

It just read sort of clunky, is all. It's not bad writing, per se, but amid otherwise top shelf dialogue/characterization, it sticks out like a sore thumb.

Good advice for sure @The Dude! Thanks for that. I need to do better about this sort of thing, so I appreciate the suggestions.

Ok srsly when is the next chapter coming?

Originally Posted by CyberPika

Ok srsly when is the next chapter coming?

When Legacy has the time to. He doesn't have to write this story just because you want to read it, you know.

Originally Posted by CyberPika

Ok srsly when is the next chapter coming?

Now, now. Good things come to those who wait.

Ok sorry. I am just excited that's all.

So am I! This is a great story.

This has been really good so far! I'm enjoying your spin on the series.

I'd try and provide some criticism but I'd just be repeating what everyone else has already said.

And kudos for typing this on an iPad! Medal deserved for that, touch-screens can be a pain in the neck at the best of times, let alone when writing long chapters.

Definitely. WHenever I type on an iPad, my palms try to rest on the keyboard and suddenly, we get something like this: aalsdfj;
I'm also really enjoying the changes you made! I just wanted to mention that, since initially I was wondering how much better you could make the story, but I'm definitely seeing now the extent to which it's improved. Milo's little "confession" to Reina was certainly an improvement. Great work!