Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (7) - Page 8

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  1. #106
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Haha, I haven't even put that much thought into what the explosion resembles in real life aside from, like it says in the story, an accident of some sort.

  2. #107
    Registered User CyberPika's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    I think the explosion is like a terrorist thing or something.

    Are you goin to post next chapter soon?
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  3. #108
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    I've been preoccupied, but I hope to have Chapter 7 up by the end of the weekend. We'll see though.

  4. #109
    Registered User CyberPika's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Ok thank you.
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  5. #110
    The Dude Abides
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    This has a few flaws, but by and large, it's seriously impressive. The writing just has this flow to it unlike almost any other fanfiction I've seen. It seems you've thought out the world of the story really well, incorporating sports, government, media, etc. And I like how Milo's failed a lot early on, because it's more dramatic and interesting to see him have to learn from his mistakes than succeed immediately. I would have preferred if you hadn't been so blunt with Milo's monologue to Rena about his brother's death and father's desertion, but ah well. People don't usually exposition-dump to other people in real life except under extraordinary circumstances.
    Milo's lies to Rena are also a good piece of writing. He's more sympathetic and human because he lies to impress a girl. Please keep making Milo (and hopefully the others, too) flawed but likable. I'm super-eager to see what's next. :)

  6. #111
    Registered User CyberPika's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    I liked how Milo told Rena about his brothe and father. She was mad at him already and she asked him why he was in the Quest anyway. It seemed like he was desperate to make her like him or not be mad anymore so he said that stuff.
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  7. #112
    The Dude Abides
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    It just read sort of clunky, is all. It's not bad writing, per se, but amid otherwise top shelf dialogue/characterization, it sticks out like a sore thumb.
    Legacy likes this.

  8. #113
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Good advice for sure @The Dude! Thanks for that. I need to do better about this sort of thing, so I appreciate the suggestions.

  9. #114
    Registered User CyberPika's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Ok srsly when is the next chapter coming?
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  10. #115
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberPika View Post
    Ok srsly when is the next chapter coming?
    When Legacy has the time to. He doesn't have to write this story just because you want to read it, you know.

  11. #116
    Registered User Chimchar98's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberPika View Post
    Ok srsly when is the next chapter coming?
    Now, now. Good things come to those who wait.

  12. #117
    Registered User CyberPika's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Ok sorry. I am just excited that's all.
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  13. #118
    Registered User Chimchar98's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    So am I! This is a great story.

  14. #119
    II.5 Eradia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    This has been really good so far! I'm enjoying your spin on the series.

    I'd try and provide some criticism but I'd just be repeating what everyone else has already said.

    And kudos for typing this on an iPad! Medal deserved for that, touch-screens can be a pain in the neck at the best of times, let alone when writing long chapters.
    Legacy likes this.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kayde View Post
    "OH HOT DAMN! LOOK AT THAT FUCKING BELL! IT'S SMALL AND CUTE AND HAS A FUCKING RIBBON ON IT'S FUCKING HEAD! BACK THIS PARTY VAN UP! I GOTTA CATCH THAT SHIT!!"

  15. #120
    Rocking the Lucario Thundagere's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Definitely. WHenever I type on an iPad, my palms try to rest on the keyboard and suddenly, we get something like this: aalsdfj;
    I'm also really enjoying the changes you made! I just wanted to mention that, since initially I was wondering how much better you could make the story, but I'm definitely seeing now the extent to which it's improved. Milo's little "confession" to Reina was certainly an improvement. Great work!
    Legacy likes this.

    Made by Blue Dragon!

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