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  1. #76
    Registered User Chimchar98's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    I gotta say, even though I normally don't read AUs, I'm liking this one a lot!
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  2. #77
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Thanks @Chimchar98. I appreciate that.

    Anyways, Chapter 8 is taking me a while since it's all new content from here on out, plus my real life commitments and mod duties.

    But should be up soon.

  3. #78
    Registered User Chimchar98's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Wait... Chapter 8? You don't have the 7th up yet!

  4. #79
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Quote Originally Posted by Chimchar98 View Post
    Wait... Chapter 8? You don't have the 7th up yet!
    XD My bad.

  5. #80
    I want to rp! Te-em's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    I've read all the six chapters and although I was doubtful at first, not expecting much of a story about teenagers and battling, I found the story very intersting. It is very well written and it got me so interested I've read a lot in one go and have already gone through the six chapters. It is not too long or too short, which is good. I also like that the adventure for Milo is not as easy as one first thought, because it makes it more exciting to read about, as one is curious about how things will turn out for him. The story is good and descriptive, but sometimes there is lacking some information about the monsters. Vulpix is described as a furry pup with four tails and she barks, as I remember, which makes me think of a little dog. Since I've been playing Pocket Monsters since the 2nd generation I know that this is more a fox-like Pokemon and as very young it tails are white and grows darker as it grows all six tails. But people not familiar with this Pokemon, first introduced in PM Green, then Blue(?)/Yellow/Silver/Crystal(?), and finally in SoulSilver, may want a bit more information, at least more of how she looks like. Perhaps I missed this in the beginning, because I read a little faster then. Otherwise, I get a good picture for most Pokemon, and it is also nice that you introduced Pocket Monsters at the beginning, not only to explain for those unfamiliar with this, but also to explain what Pokemon is in your story, because it could be different from the games and contain theories for what has been left unexplained.

    About the country the story takes place, I understand it is similar to to-day, with laptops, etc, and similar society except for the Pokemon and laws about these monsters. It is intersting to see how their society handles the Pokemon issues and what makes it different from ours. The only thing confusing is the name Kanto that comes up as the name of their country. Because Kanto is a Japanese region and this does not seem to take place in Japan with all the English names of people and places. It does not seem like the Pokemon region Kantou either, which is also Japanese and actually based on the real Kanto.

    I look forward to the rest of the story and what Milo will experience on his journey. His lack of knowledge about Pokemon makes it even more interesting. Such characters I've seen in anime, but there is always a sense of comedy about it; here it is more serious and you can feel the main character's anger, disappointment, will to win despite hardship, etc, instead of laughing at him as the people around him does. However, sometimes there are moments when you laugh, but it doesn't ruin the sympathy you have for him or hinder you to take him seriously.
    Captain Lincoln Stern, you stand here accused of...
    12 counts of murder in the first degree
    14 counts of armed theft of Federation property
    22 counts of piracy in high space
    18 counts of fraud
    37 counts of rape
    and 1 moving violation....how do you plead?

  6. #81
    I'm back! Finally Soulmaster's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    very impressive can't wait for him to win a battle among other things. I think that the first coin keeper is in Mt. Moon but thats just a guess(a good one I think acording to the clue ;).).

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  7. #82
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Thank you for the kind words everyone.

    I'm working on Chapter 7 now. Hope to have it up soon.

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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    I've been reading this lately, and though I don't have a full review yet, once thing I think could use more detail is the issue of Fawkes's age. We know she's just a baby at a few months old, but how does this relate, in your version of the pokemon world, to a full grown Vulpix? Does Fawkes have a lot of growing to do? Not so much?

  9. #84
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Quote Originally Posted by Pashalik View Post
    I've been reading this lately, and though I don't have a full review yet, once thing I think could use more detail is the issue of Fawkes's age. We know she's just a baby at a few months old, but how does this relate, in your version of the pokemon world, to a full grown Vulpix? Does Fawkes have a lot of growing to do? Not so much?
    That's a really good point about Fawkes. I think one of my weak areas is development of the Pokemon "characters." I try to describe the human characters in detail, but I think I do neglect their Pokemon as characters. Thanks for the suggestion. I will work on this :)

  10. #85
    Yeezy taught me The Booty Warrior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    A'ight, brah, YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!

    REVIEW TIME

    Now, since I haven't been able to fully catch up until now, here we go.

    I don't think I need to comment on the things you kept the same. What I will comment on, however, is Danny. I can see Milo really looked up to him. It is a shame that he died, and it's clear Milo's still bitter.

    I think what you've touched upon is the Age-Appropriate Angst trope. Milo probably still feels bad about what happened even though it's been about seven years because it happened when he was little, right? Such things tend to mark children for the rest of their lives. I can see why he feels he owes it to his brother to do this.

    Then there's pappy leaving. I see where this is going, however...while I don't like the fact that Milo was ignored by dad, I think I will side with him a little bit here in terms of who he preferred, though as a father, equal love must be given, no ifs, ands, or butts. My logic, going by what I've seen of Milo's interests and such, is this:

    Milo, you live in a world of fantastic creatures. You live in a world where countless species of these fantastic creatures can do anything and practically everything. You have a big brother who'd have been more than willing to teach you a few things. So why are you shutting yourself up in your room? Why are you living your fantasies out in a video game when you could just as easily do the same in real life? Were you really just that introverted that the idea didn't strike you until ya momz signed you up for this Battle Quest?

    Granted, of course, we don't know the whole story yet, I believe, so I could easily be proven wrong. And I might have forgotten something, too. We'll see.

    Anyways, I see the change here. Looks like Milo is even more clumsy than before. Poor Spearow. ;_;

    And Rena's caught on to him much sooner than we thought, eh? Ro ho ho, at least he's learning from his beginner's mistake, and hey, maybe now he'll be more motivated to improve himself. I still think that his lie wasn't as bad as, say, telling her he took on a Gyarados. Though I will say he probably should've just left the lies at the Ursaring bit and been honest about everything else. Let's face it, if he didn't think like ODB and said to himself "I Want Pussy," and taken her up on her offer, well, then, what's the point of making up more lies? Hope that the next Pokemon Center will have only one room left in reserve as well? xP

    Anyways, other than that, I do have to mention something. The battle between Magmar and Golduck. Just one part. Well, two, but I'll take about the major part first.

    Finally, the jets of fire and water dwindled in pressure and power, and the mist of the steam shrank as both Pokémon ran out of the necessary energy to keep them up. Neither attack had been able to break through, proving how equally powerful these two beasts were to this point.
    Remember what Misheard Whisper said? Since he isn't available at the moment, I'll mention it. He said that you had gotten a bit technical here by telling us that both Pokemon had run out of the energy needed to keep the attacks going. Remember what he said about telling here, brah? I think you can omit that bit about running out of energy and it'll be better.

    Also, Magmar, despite being based on a duck, or a booby, with a bit of fire salamander thrown in, does not have webbed feet. Those are two clawed toes, but that's relatively minor. Just thought you might wanna know. :"3

    All in all, excellent work, but that sounds redundant considering the quality of writing we've been getting from you. You really have come a long way since back then, man.

    Keep it up!

    Now maybe ya ass can read and review the rest of my fic like I been buggin' you to :P
    Last edited by The Booty Warrior; 9th January 2012 at 07:48 PM.
    "I never sleep, 'cause sleep is the cousin of death." - Nasir bin Olu Dara Jones, N.Y. State of Mind

  11. #86
    Registered User Pashalik's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Finished reading your fic(so far). It's pretty good. I'm very glad I read it. My previous comment about making the pokemon seem like more complete characters stands, but with the humans you've done pretty good. The bits where Milo lies to Rena to make himself seem more important are painful to read, but they are almost certainly how a 14 year old boy would act in that situation. I have no complaint with your great portrayal of real humans. One question that comes up for me though. How fast do pokemon heal in your world? Between Spearow's wing and Fawkes's paras induced injuries, they seem to heal much faster than natural creatures would. Without commenting on a pokemon's quick healing powers, it makes it look as though you aren't sure how fast real injuries would heal. A simple line or two about the amazing recuperative powers of monsters would patch it, if you kept the rates about even. Also, in your world can a balled pokemon be healed swiftly of any injury at the pokecenter? This is a question left surprisingly unasked after the stay of a pokemon at a center.

    Another thing you've kinda sorta touched on, but not fully developed is the concept of etiquette towards another person's pokemon. In the story, we see Fawkes getting held by Mr. J and Rena. This seems fairly natural, as often in real life we let other people hold or pet our pets. But between trainers, is this considered rude? Does a monster need to consent? Are some people uptight or even paranoid about it? Something to consider, at least.
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  12. #87
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    @The Booty Warrior, thank you for the review. I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to reviewing your fic yet. I promise I will.

    @Pashalik, Thank you for the advice. I will definitely try to work on addressing the points you made. Good suggestions :)

    Thanks guys. Chapter 7 is still in the works. Hopefully soon... :)

  13. #88
    Christmas Bubble Frog's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    @Legacy Tag me when it's done.

  14. #89
    Yeezy taught me The Booty Warrior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Quote Originally Posted by Legacy View Post
    @The Booty Warrior, thank you for the review. I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to reviewing your fic yet. I promise I will.
    Thanks.

    Oh, and I also forgot to mention something in my review.

    I recall GaMa talking about how you captured the mindset of a teenage boy in the version before you re-wrote it, and I also commend you for it. It's like if we were Milo, we'd see Rena and think, "Wow, she's beautiful, but I'm glad she's not a slut," but when presented with an opportunity to share a room, only to turn it down and see her the next day, we'd sort of think "Aww, man, I wish she were a slut...for me!" Quite impressive. XD
    "I never sleep, 'cause sleep is the cousin of death." - Nasir bin Olu Dara Jones, N.Y. State of Mind

  15. #90
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pocket Monsters: The Battle Quest (6)

    Haha thanks Booty Warrior.

    Rena's character is one of my favorites (or it will be once the story progresses a little).

    Thanks for reading everyone!

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