Two reviews! This is exciting!
Thanks! It's always great to hear that I'm doing something right with the characters.
Originally Posted by LightningTopaz
As I said on another thread, it is an original universe, but borrowing plenty from Savers. Like that anime, there is an organisation that deals with Digimon, but none of the canon characters of that universe will appear, or any universe, for that matter.
I'm not 100% sure which universe this is in, but it sounds like it's in the Savers universe (don't know if your Digidestined is an existing one or a fanmade one)
Right about Liollmon, but a bit wrong about Owlmon; all the characters will in some way be a guide for Alexander. Owlmon is a supporting character; I don't like creating a character for the sake of it falling into an archetype.
I'm assuming the Owlmon is the guide character, and Liollmon is Mirelle's partner, it is a bit hard to tell who is who and who is with who.
Thanks! I'll keep those remarks in mind when I'm writing the third chapter (which is halfway finished), and they'll hopefully have been addressed to make everything clearer.
Now, what you need to work on:
--make it clearer who's on what side
--Make the battle scenes easier to follow--it was hard for me to figure out what was going on.
No need to apologise; as long as I eventually get the feedback, I'll be ecstatic!
Originally Posted by Tophat Dragoneye
Thank you! I thought it would be lacking, but I'm glad to see that it worked out!
First off, your description in both chapters are excellent in my opinion, giving me a clear image of the characters and their surroundings.
I aim to have a nice mix of the two, whether it's more active tamers, or more active Digimon. Mireille is the leader of her partnership, and Credu is the leader of hers. And hopefully, what comes for those two is to your liking!
You have also given the said characters various and unique personalities, such as Michael and Credu, who longs to journey into the digital world. These two actually surprised me because up until now, I've always seen tamers having a very active role in the anime, though these seems to be exceptions, leaving some opportunities for character developments. Let's see what kind of tricks you can pull out for plot development from this :)
That was my fault. I tried to convey his surprise through his silence as opposed to having him freak out, but looking back on it, I could've done a better job at describing his body language.
I have to admit, however, that I expected Alex to behave somewhat more surprised when he saw the Digimon for the first time. Maybe that's just me after having watched the various series of Digimon, but that's how I see things.
Thank you! I tried to fix the problem and make the transitions easier, so I'm happy to see that it was somewhat effective. I'll keep your comments in mind for the third chapter!
My earlier gripe regarding the sudden changes of character perspectives still applies in the second chapter, but it's not nearly as prominent as in the first chapter. One advice I could give you is to stick to one character and wait to change the perspective until the "§" you've placed between parts of the chapters. It's your own choice whether or not you want to do that.
Thank you both for the reviews, and for taking the time to read this story; it really is greatly appreciated!