(Original) Lost and Alone (PG)

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  1. #1
    ~green~ Maybe Wednesday's Avatar
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    Default (Original) Lost and Alone (PG)

    This sounds like a darkfic, and maybe it is. I don't know, I'm not sure what classifies as "Dark", but I don't think this does.

    I'm not sure how your rating system works in America, but in my country, it would be PG:Some scenes may scare very young children, Mild animated violence and Adult Themes (the last, only maybe, I can't really predict).

    Anyway, never mind all that. This is an original fic. READ AFTERWARDS!
    Anyway, I'm going to stop talking now, and you can get down to reading. Oh, just one more thing. Feel free to point out grammatical errors, gaping plot holes, redundancy, and all that. But if you liked it and thought it was perfect, don't let that stop you from commenting. I like getting constructive replies! OK, now I really am going to stop talking.

    ---------

    Prologue

    When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was the sound, like waves crashing on the beach. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking sand out of them. Hold on...sand? My eyes snapped open suddenly. I was on the beach! But...how had I got here? I didn’t remember...

    I tried to get up, but my body seemed...different somehow. My limbs appeared to be much longer, and I also noticed that the ruff around my neck had vanished, leaving my throat and chest cold. It was freezing on the beach. I felt the gritty sand against my skin, and wondered, again, what had happened. I sat up clumsily, and tried to brush the sand off my face. I froze.

    “No way...” I breathed. I looked in wonder at my paws, turning them over and inspecting them carefully. They weren’t paws anymore...they were human hands! I thought I could be mistaken, though. Maybe they didn’t belong to me. I bent down to one of them and bit it, hard. It hurt, so the odd appendages definitely belonged to me, although not as much as I thought it would. Also, I did not appear to be dreaming. I ran my tongue over my teeth, and they were definitely not as sharp as they used to be. I could tell that something was wrong, very wrong, and I was beginning to figure out what.

    I pushed myself to my feet. Were they my feet? They didn’t look like my feet. More like...human feet. I stood unsteadily, and then realised I was only on two feet. That was strange. A gust of wind howled by, whipping around my body, causing me to hug myself tightly in an effort to stave off the chill. My hands (for I now accepted that that was what they were) came into contact with some foreign material; it felt like the clothes that my Trainer almost always wore. My Trainer...I remembered then. I had a Trainer; his name was Kenji, and he was the best Trainer I could ever have. I began to cry. Where was Kenji? Whenever I was in trouble, he was always there for me. He always picked me up and kept me going, no matter what happened. I wanted him to be there again, to hold me close and tell me that everything was going to be all right. He would do that, I knew for a fact. He cared about me. He...

    For some reason, I found that I had trouble remembering any more than that. Memories floated on the edge of my consciousness, but were whisked away as soon as I tried to focus on them. It was as if my mind was a blackboard, a blackboard that had been wiped clean of all but a few traces of chalk.

    “Kenji!” I cried out pitifully, but I could barely hear myself over the noise of the waves. “Kenji!” I looked to the sky; heavy black clouds floated over my head, and I prayed that they would pass me by. I was cold enough as it was, thank you very much. I looked down again. My head was aching abominably, and my joints felt stiff. My joints always felt stiff when it was about to rain; most Pokémon were sensitive to the tiniest atmospheric changes.

    I tried to decide what to do next. I tried to think what Kenji would have done in this situation. But even thinking of him made tears come to my eye again. If he had been here, it would all have been alright, because he would have made sure that I was alright before him. And then...I swallowed. He would have gone...that way, I guessed, looking along the beach. I could not go inland, because thirty-metre high cliffs rose up in front of me, made of some chalky white rock. Along the beach the other way, I saw an awful lot of rocks. I didn’t fancy slipping on one of those. And of course, behind me was the ocean, dark and uninviting. I wasn’t sure I could swim. I had only been on a beach once...once... The memory was blown away like smoke on the wind. You could try with all your might to catch it, but the most you could gather was a handful of insubstantial vapour that dissipated immediately. I sighed, and realised that it was no good.

    As I turned to stagger in the direction I had chosen, plick, a drop of water landed on my shoulder. I peered upwards dizzily, and was hit in the eye by another. Then more and more began to fall, intensifying at a terrific rate until I was completely soaked, and even colder than I was before. I crouched down again on the wet sand, huddling into myself for warmth, ignoring the rain that pelted me and left dents in the sand around me. My head was sore and spinning; I didn’t care if it was raining, I didn’t care if the whole fabric of the world was being torn to shreds around me. All I wanted was for the pain to stop, and the world to stop moving.

    I felt the world slipping away. My vision was going black at the edges, and my head was pounding in sync with my heart; it felt as if my brain was trying to burst out of my head. I knew I was losing consciousness, and I fought to stay awake, but it was no good. My eyes closed, and I dimly wondered if they were ever going to open again...

    ***

    I opened my eyes slowly. Again? Why was this happening again? Was the horrific scenario I had just experienced going to happen again? Was this all some sort of freakish dream after all? But no, something was different this time. It was wet. I tried to lift my head from the ground. It was awfully difficult, as if the ground was trying to hold me down. The effort of pulling almost made me black out again. Once I felt a little better, I tried again. The side of my head came free with a hollow sucking sound, like a plunger being pulled from a drain. I was still lying on the beach, of course, but now, it was completely saturated. The soft sand had turned to wet mud, and torrents of rain were still pouring down all around.

    I levered myself up into a sitting position, noticing as I did that my head had stopped spinning, although the headache was still there somewhat. I noticed a rivulet of water next to me, running down to the iron-grey ocean. I dragged myself over to it, hoping to get a drink of rainwater, but when my reflection came into view, I gasped and shrank back. I had seen a pair of bright blue eyes looking back at me. My eyes! But they were set in an unfamiliar face. A human face!

    Cautiously, I looked again. Sure enough, the face of a teenage girl looked back at me, one that looked to be a little older than Kenji. I peered at her through the distortion of the rain and rushing water. Was this really me, this sorry-looking human with short brown hair plastered to her head and light olive skin? It couldn’t be! I rubbed my eyes, and so did the girl in the water. It was me! I was no longer an Eevee. I had turned from a Pokémon into a human!

    Obviously, my first thought was How? How on earth did this happen? I lay back down again on my back with a soft splat. I felt even more alone than I had before. Oh, Kenji! Where are you? I thought desperately. I felt tears form in my eyes again, and I let them flow onto my face, where they mingled with the rain that continued to fall all around. I could see nothing to do; I was a human, I was alone, and I saw no hope of ever finding Kenji again.

    Yet before long, my practical nature attempted to assert itself over my utter despair. I stood up slowly, a little steadier than last time, and tried walking again. I was still getting used to this strange body, and it was difficult, but I worked it out fairly quickly, and hobbled along the beach in the direction that I had been planning to go in before...
    Last edited by Maybe Wednesday; 26th December 2008 at 03:39 AM.
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  2. #2
    Dedicated Shinji Fan ShinjiLover's Avatar
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    I'm already loving this. This is so great and interesting! I can't wait until I see where you're going with this.

    I have no complaints at all, actually, as this was well-written and I don't see any mistakes.


  3. #3
    ~green~ Maybe Wednesday's Avatar
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    Thanks! I am so happy! I definitely think it's better than "Faith" but I will keep both going.
    NB: That reminds me of the episode "Hooked on Onix" for some reason...I like to read spoilers too (-),(-) lol random face
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  4. #4
    Dedicated Shinji Fan ShinjiLover's Avatar
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    Lolz, randomness=awesome.

    Anyway, when I was making that side-story, I didn't even think about Pokemon Mystery Dungeon. Once that was brought up, then I realized how much like Pokemon Mystery Dungeon that is.

    Don't worry, I enjoy reading spoilers to.


  5. #5
    i (N) monsters Jayc's Avatar
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    Somebody here really likes Eevee. At least, that is what I can garner from the two fics I've read from that somebody =P.

  6. #6
    The small giant Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Like I said before that was cool, nice to see a pokemon become a humanfor a change.

  7. #7
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    Default Chapter One-Why?

    Chapter One-Why?

    I trudged along in the pouring rain, hoping that I would come across someone or something soon. But my hopes were in vain. I looked back and saw my footprints, stretching back only a few metres. Even as I watched, they were filled with water and mud; it was as if the whole beach was sliding into the sea. I sighed, and it sounded strange issuing from my mouth. Not for the first time, and probably not the last, I wished that Kenji was here. Kenji would know what to do...or would he? I began to have doubts as I continued to walk along, more steadily than before.

    I had never heard of anything like this before, and I didn’t think Kenji had, either. A Pokémon actually turning into a human? Sure, I’d seen Trainers stand their Pokémon up, put them in clothes and so on, but they weren’t actually people. As I carried on, I examined every inch of myself that I could see, but I arrived back at the same conclusion; I was a human. I just could not get over that fact! As my mind kept going around in circles, I gradually noticed something; there was a light on the horizon. I peered toward it hopefully, but couldn’t make anything out. It could be the sun rising, as my sense of direction was completely messed up in this strange place. I hoped it was – it would be nice to see something other than clouds in the sky.

    But as I got closer, I realised it couldn’t be. It was too small and localised, and it was moving slightly. I sped up, praying that it was someone friendly. But I had forgotten that I was no longer myself; as a result, I got my feet tangled and fell flat on my face in the mud. As I levered myself out of the wet sand, I noticed with horror that the light had gone. On my knees in the sand, I cried once more. I had gotten my hopes up, only for them to be extinguished soon after. I eventually recovered, though, and got to my feet shakily.

    It was only then that I realised how I must look. I had been laying in the mud a lot today, and most of my body was caked with the stuff. I was soaking, and I had wet sand in every little crevice that I didn’t have before. I hated it. To make matters worse, the wind whipped up again, blowing salty, stinging sea spray into my face. I felt myself slipping, beginning to lose my grip on reality. I squeezed my eyes closed and pressed forward. I hoped I was going the right way...or did it even matter? I might as well lie down in the sand and give up. It was only then, I think, that I realised that Kenji really, truly wasn’t there.

    I sat down again suddenly, the very picture of misery. What cruel twist of fate was this, that would separate me from the one person who ever cared about me? I began to cry again, and this time, the tears flowed thick and fast down my cheeks until I thought I would dry up from loss of water.

    <<Come to me, child>> said a voice. My head jerked upward. Who was that? The voice had come out of nowhere! I stood up again, and looked around. There was nobody around, and if there was, they would be too far away to be heard over the storm. No...it had almost seemed as if the voice was inside my head, as if I heard it with my mind rather than my ears. But that was silly. Unless...

    <<Come, girl!>> I started in surprise. The voice was louder now, clear and commanding. This...person, or thing, or Pokémon seemed to want me to go to where it was, but where was that? I thought I heard a sigh inside my head, in the same place the voice was.

    <<Just keep walking, Eevee>> said the voice. I was shocked. The voice knew that I was a Pokémon! Perhaps they knew how I became a human? Hope surged inside me again, like the rising tide of the ocean. I set off at a clumsy run.

    Half an hour later, the voice still had not spoken. I was traipsing along a stretch of beach that looked just the same as any other when I heard it again.

    <<Look to the cliff,>> it said. Look to the cliff? Why would I want to do that? Sighing, I turned to the rocky wall and, to my surprise, noticed a small crack, perhaps big enough for me to squeeze through; I couldn’t be sure, seeing as I wasn’t familiar with this body yet. Was that what the voice had been referring to? <<Yes,>> it said. I realised then that it could hear my thoughts. Nosy bugger. <<I heard that too!>> it said. I rolled my eyes and headed for the crack in the cliff.

    After a few minutes of pushing, shoving, falling, scraping and bruising, I fell from the other end of the crack. A tiny sliver of light spilled through from the crevice behind me, shedding a little illumination on the mysterious place that I now found myself in. It appeared to be a large cavern, although I couldn’t see much. Suddenly, the area was flooded with light, rather like a Pokémon’s Flash attack. I blinked, rubbing my eyes, and then opened them to see two Pokémon standing before me – a Gallade and a Slowking.

    <<Hello!>> said the Gallade, smiling. That was the voice I had been hearing! But something still confused me. The Gallade’s lips weren’t moving as it spoke. I puzzled over this for a minute while the two Pokémon gazed at me silently, eventually coming to the conclusion that it must have been telepathy. Gallade was a Psychic Pokémon, after all. The two Pokémon before me didn’t seem in any hurry, so I said,

    “Hello?” I realised that I was automatically speaking human-speak. It was the strangest feeling.

    “Greetings, child,” said the Slowking out loud. For some reason, this was even more disturbing than Gallade's telepathy. “We have been waiting for you.”

    “I kind of figured that out,” I said, “But why?”

    <<Because you have been chosen>> said a third voice, soothing, feminine and motherly. Telepathy again. Another Psychic-type? I looked around wildly for the source of this new voice, and it was not until I felt something rubbing gently against my leg did I figure it out. A small, catlike Pokémon, purple with a forked tail, was winding its graceful body around my ankles comfortingly.

    “An Espeon...” I said quietly.

    <<That is right, my dear,>> she said comfortingly, <<do not be frightened. We will not hurt you!>> For some reason, I believed her instantly. <<And why should you not?>> she asked. <<I am your friend!>> I wasn’t sure about that.

    “So, friend, seeing as you know me so well, could you please tell me why I’m a human? You three obviously know something!” I accused. Gallade bowed its head silently, and Slowking looked off into the middle distance and began humming something that sounded oddly like “The Phantom of the Opera”. Espeon stepped in front of me and spoke.

    <<You are right, child. We do know. In fact->> She broke off and looked anxiously at her two companions, both of whom ignored her. She rolled her eyes and continued. <<In fact, it is of our doing. I am sorry.>> My eyes widened in shock and began to fill with tears of their own accord. I could say nothing.

    “Oh, look, Espeon,” said Slowking, breaking off in the middle of “The Music of the Night”. He glared at the Sun Pokémon reprovingly. “You’ve gone and made her cry!” Espeon glared back, and evidently sent Slowking a private telepathic message, for its eyes widened and it said, “Oho! There’s no need to be like that, my little Carlotta!” Espeon turned her back on him haughtily. Gallade stepped forward, clearly used to this sort of behaviour.

    <<I apologise,>> he said, <<for my friends’ performance. This is a regular occurrence. The three of us are always in disagreement about something, often each other’s taste in mu->> He stopped suddenly, realising that I wasn’t listening. I stood stock still in the middle of the cavern, tears rolling down my cheeks. It was their fault. All along I had thought it was some sort of freakish accident, but it was their fault. I couldn’t believe it.

    “Why?” I asked desperately, suddenly finding my voice. “Why did you do this to me? I don’t want to be a human, I want to stay as an Eevee!” Gallade looked helplessly around at the other two, but they were still arguing.

    <<I...>> he said, but evidently couldn’t find anything else to say, so he shut his mouth. In a manner of speaking, of course. I took great gulps of air, forcing myself to calm down.

    “Right,” I said, trying and failing to speak levelly; my voice cracked halfway through the word. “Right,” I tried again, with more success, “start from the beginning, and tell me everything. I can tell there’s a long and complicated story behind this, and I’m not going anywhere until you tell it to me!” Gallade looked quite relieved that I had calmed down.

    <<Very well,>> he said, <<I shall tell you. I am warning you now, there may be parts you do not like. This cannot be helped. If you are ready, we shall begin.>> I nodded firmly. I was ready. I needed to know this. It was, I felt somehow, the key to becoming an Eevee again.

    --

    So what do you guys think? Is it as good as the first part, or did I slip like I did with "Faith"? Please tell me!
    Last edited by Maybe Wednesday; 26th December 2008 at 01:01 PM.
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  8. #8
    Dedicated Shinji Fan ShinjiLover's Avatar
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    I think it's great! You're doing wonderfully, and I really like how you left the readers with suspense like that. Well written, good grammar, plot? We'll see. Congrats!

  9. #9
    i (N) monsters Jayc's Avatar
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    ...And as soon as I posted my comment on your blog, I saw this. Am I really that slow?!

  10. #10
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    Default Chapter Two-A Story

    Chapter Two-A Story

    Gallade nodded, gesturing that I should sit down on the floor; I did so, and he joined me and began,

    <<This world is not your world. There are many worlds, and this is just one of them. I am not speaking of planets, of stars, or any celestial bodies. This world is, if you will, a parallel universe. There are thousands of universes, and all are intricately linked. Your world and this one are just two of them.>> He stopped, gathering his thoughts. <<Perhaps I have not explained it very well, but you get the general idea. Anyway, some Pokémon, usually Psychic Pokémon, have the ability to sense these alternate dimensions. My friends and I,>> he gestured behind him at the sulking Slowking and Espeon, <<are some of these precious few.>>

    He paused again. <<Ah! I am unsure how to continue...>> He thought for a minute. <<Anyhow, this dimension and yours are very similar. Both have Pokémon, Trainers, land, and sea and so on. We can see other dimensions as well as sensing them, you see,>> he said, in response to my unasked question.

    <<Anyway, we were observing other universes recently when we noticed a violent upheaval. Our universe had...>> he cast around for a word. <<come adrift. We do not know for certain what caused it, but we have a...general idea.>> I noticed here that Slowking and Espeon had come over to listen, carefully avoiding each other’s eyes.

    “So where do I come into this?” I demanded. “Why did you take me out of my...world?” I was still getting my head around that theory.

    <<We need your help, my dear,>> said Espeon. <<If the world is not set right again, all worlds could come loose. Imagine a world of chaos, Pokémon mutating, sea levels rising, volcanoes spewing toxins into the atmosphere, violent earthquakes everywhere, the sun blocked out by clouds of acid rain! That is what will happen to our world, and yours, if this imbalance is not stopped. The universe will collapse!>> Having said her piece, she sat back down again, daintily licking a small purple paw.

    “What Espeon means to say, child-” began Slowking, but I cut him off angrily.

    “I’m not a child! I’m a Pokémon!” They didn’t seem to realise that, and I couldn’t see why. A tear rolled down my cheek, and I brushed it away angrily. “So why? Why did it have to be me, huh? You couldn’t use someone from this world, someone who wanted to be a hero? I don’t get it!”

    Gallade looked uneasily at the other two, but Espeon was still licking herself clean, and Slowking had begun humming “Wandering Child” to no-one in particular.

    <<We...can’t really say,>> he said slowly.

    “What, you mean you don’t know why? You looked at me and just said, “Pick that one”? Is that it?” Gallade looked relieved for some reason.

    <<Er...yes! Yes, that is correct!>> He looked a little shifty, but I didn’t pay much attention to it at the time. I lay down on my back and closed my eyes, biting my lip to stop myself from whimpering. I didn’t want to do this! I didn’t want to be a hero! I just wanted to go home, to be with Kenji again! Kenji...

    <<I’m afraid that is not possible,>> said Gallade contritely, obviously reading my thoughts again. <<We used most of our power just to bring you here and turn you into a human. I really am so->>

    “What?” I almost screamed, sitting bolt upright, my eyes flying open. “You-you can’t turn me back?”

    <<Er...no,>> said Gallade shamefacedly.

    <<But you see, my dear,>> purred Espeon, <<if you can help us, we can turn you back and send you home.>>

    “That’s blackmail!” I accused, standing up and pointing angrily at Espeon.

    “Perhaps,” said Slowking, “but she’s right, I’m afraid. We can’t send you back, unless you restore balance to the world. For if you do that, we will have all our power returned to us!” I turned away from them, clenching my fists. As much as I wanted to deny it, I knew that I had no choice. If I ever wanted to see Kenji again, I would have to go along with their stupid little plot.

    “Fine!” I said angrily. “I’ll do it! What do you want me to do?” Slowking nodded knowingly.

    “I knew she’d come around,” he said. Gallade, who had been silent for a while, stepped forward.

    <<What we need you to do is to find the source of the chaos and destroy it. We don’t know where this source is, but we can guess what it is. We think it’s a Pokémon; a Pokémon of great power and malice.>> I swallowed. That didn’t sound good at all.

    “So...if we don’t know where to start looking, how do we find the damn thing?” I was getting exasperated. This conversation was just going around in circles, and I was determined to break out of that. Slowking looked shiftily at the other two, and then advanced, holding something out to me.

    “Here,” he said, proffering it. “This is a Lazuli Amulet. It senses Chaos energy, and directs you toward it,” he explained. I took it curiously. It was a fine golden chain, and from the chain hung a deep blue stone which sparkled with white stars, about the size of a Spearow egg. It seemed to emit an aura of peace and serenity, and I felt myself relaxing just holding it.

    “That’s useful,” I said dreamily, slipping the chain around my neck.

    <<Very!>> confirmed Espeon. <<We three imbued it with our psychic powers, so it is very valuable. You must not lose it, child! Understand?>>

    “Stop calling me “child”! I’m not a child, I’m a Pokémon!” I said angrily.

    <<She has a point,>> said Gallade. <<She needs a new name.>> He turned and addressed me. <<While you are in this world, your name will be Mari, OK?>>

    “Mari...” I said slowly, rolling the word around my mouth thoughtfully. “Yes...yes, I like it!”

    <<Very well, then! That is that!>> said Espeon happily. <<You can leave in the morning, Mari.>> Slowking offered me a blanket that he had pulled from somewhere. I accepted it gratefully, and lay down on the floor in a corner. Within seconds, I felt myself slipping away, even though my head was buzzing with questions. The last thing I noticed before my eyes closed was that the three Psychic Pokémon were huddled in a group, apparently discussing something urgently; their thoughts were hidden from me.

    I was standing on the beach, and I was an Eevee again, although I didn’t notice this at first. Kenji was standing some way in front of me. Delightedly, I ran towards him, but he turned and ran, looking over his shoulder. I couldn’t understand it! I just kept running after him, and I soon realised that we were no longer on the beach. We were in a temple of some kind, dark and forbidding, cloaked in an aura of evil that was almost palpable.

    Kenji stopped, and pointed to a door, indicating that I should go through it. I wanted to please Kenji, so I obeyed. On the other side of the door, I found myself face to face with an enormous, shadowy presence. The Lazuli Amulet was going crazy, jerking and bouncing on its chain, but all that I was aware of was the monstrous evil before me. I stepped towards it, not quite knowing why. I was being sucked into a wormhole...the temple was fading...


    I woke to find Gallade leaning over me anxiously.

    <<You were...twitching,>> he said uneasily, <<and moaning, so I woke you up. Were you having a bad dream?>>

    “Something like that,” I said, propping myself up on my elbows. It had been a very disturbing dream; I had the strangest feeling that it was of crucial importance, and I was annoyed at Gallade for waking me before it had finished. For some reason, I really wanted to see the dream pan out. I lay back down and closed my eyes. Gallade took the hint.

    <<You may sleep some more,>> he said. <<It is but early in the morning.>> I dozed off again, wondering if the dream would come back...
    Last edited by Maybe Wednesday; 28th December 2008 at 02:56 AM.
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  11. #11
    i (N) monsters Jayc's Avatar
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    Well, for one, I found chapter a little below your usual standards. It is very plot-driven and direct. You are shoving the story into the reader's throat, and not offer it in a tempting, pleasing manner. Remember, the characters drive the plot, not the other way around. It is very hard to explain these things, but you'll eventually get my drift.

    The conversation (which this chapter is almost entirely composed of) is so-so, a little bland, but spiced up with the ridiculous (humming) habits of Slowking (not to mention him being annoyingly outspoken) and consistent speech patterns of all participating characters. I also would have expected Gallade's speech patterns to be consistent with the supposed behavior in its PokéDex entry, but then again, this is your world, after all.

    Another issue I had was how absurdly fast the protagonist agreed to their requests. Seriously, if you've been transformed into a Pokémon by a bunch of lunatics raving about the destruction of the world and such ridiculous ideas, and they now demand something of you, you are certainly not going to even listen to reason, not even if you know you have no better choices. I thought a better storyline would be Slowking subtly hinting that when the protagonist attempts to leave the three. They could argue until the protagonist tries to leave, then as she turns her back on them, Slowking would slip in a nonchalant comment to stop her dead in her tracks.

    Otherwise, there are no other problems in this chapter. And the dream... I know what it means. This is what happens when you reveal too much to me =P.
    Last edited by Jayc; 28th December 2008 at 05:54 AM.

  12. #12
    ~green~ Maybe Wednesday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jayc View Post
    And the dream... I know what it means. This is what happens when you reveal too much to me =P.
    CURSE YOUUUUUUUUU!
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  13. #13
    i (N) monsters Jayc's Avatar
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    Hey it's your fault, you know. Better remove those comments, or others will see them too...

  14. #14
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    I changed that line you seem to hate so much.
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  15. #15
    i (N) monsters Jayc's Avatar
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    YES! ALL HAIL HOLY MOTHER GRAMMATICA!

    I edited my review to reflect the changes.

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