Well, I made an oopsy. I'm not supposed to upload files, even though the button is right there. Oh well, its my fault for not looking at the rules better. So anywho, here it is, messed up formatting and all.
So, I’m sitting in my office, listening to music on my headphones, and Charmy bursts in and nearly knocks Espio over. I’m thinking, oh boy, here we go, but this time the little guy actually had something worth spazzing about.
“Guys! Guess what!” He yelled.
“What? You nearly nailed me, I noticed, thanks anyways.” Espio said, without amusement.
Charmy ignored Espio and continued, “There was this guy, and he was like, ‘hey! You’re part of that detective agency aren’t you?’ then I was like, ‘yeah, why?’ then he was like, ‘do you do other things besides detective work?’ then I was like screaming, ‘YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!’ and he was like, ‘calm down buddy, take this paper to your leader, and have him call the number on the bottom.’”
“You two were like a lot of things weren’t you?” Espio said sarcastically.
Charmy then handed me a piece of paper with some scribbles on it. I took it and had a look…
we hAvE a joB for You if you are willing to accept. Call the numBer on the bottoM of this Paper for more informaTion. The sIze of your reward wilL be Determined by How well you do.
“Hmm, interesting.” I said. But maybe I should explain a couple of things before I continue. My name is Vector the Crocodile, and I’m the head of a Detective Agency called Chaotix. My best friends Espio the Chameleon and Charmy Bee are the other two members. We make a pretty neat team, but Espio (being a ninja) takes everything too seriously and Charmy (being the youngest of the group) thinks life is a game. Me, I just go with the flow. Somehow, things just seem to work out for us whenever
Anyways, back to the note.
“What do you think it means by “we”?” I asked.
“Must be some kind of organization that gives out missions!” Charmy practically yelled.
“Doubt it,” Espio said. “Probably just a scam.”
“A SCAM? COME ON ESPIO! A MAN IN A BLACK CLOAK ON A STREET CORNER GAVE THIS TO ME, HOW CAN IT BE A SCAM?” Charmy yelled.
“Wow Charmy, I think you may have me there.” Espio sighed.
“Whaddaya think the capital letters all over it are for?” I asked.
“Vector, a guy in a black cloak on a street corner probably wouldn’t have the best handwriting in the world, I’m sure it’s just his crappy writing.” Espio said, looking at me like I was just as goofy as Charmy.
“Whatever, I’m just gonna call the number and get this thing figured out.” I said.
“Hey! I should call it! I found the guy!” Charmy argued.
“Too late!” I said, already dialing. ”Hello, My name is Vector, and my associates and I were told to call this number.”
“Wondaful,” The man said. He had some kind of accent, but I didn’t know what it was, that Brooklyn one maybe. “I’ll send da infamation in da mail, what’s yuh address?” I gave it to him; he thanked us, and then hung up.
To say the letter bored me would be an overstatement. I was as uninterested as I could be. For all I know, Charmy could’ve written the letter and said he got it from a man in a cloak just to make us look stupid. The phone call threw me off though, but I didn’t let it bother me. Vector hung up, and told us his conversation with the man.
“See? It’s real!” Charmy boasted.
“That doesn’t prove anything,” I said, “you could’ve just told or hired someone to answer that number to make us look like fools.”
“You already are fools!” Charmy said, flying around the room with excitement.
“Whaddaya think we should do?” Vector asked. I swear, Vector’s a cool guy and all, but sometimes he’s more stupid than a fly trying to go through a window.
“We wait for our instructions to come in the mail! Duh!” Charmy said, getting calm enough to attempt sitting down.
“That’s another thing I’m worried about,” I said. “Why the heck did you give that guy our address? What if he’s some kind of mass murderer and slaughters us all in our sleep?”
“Oh… I guess I didn’t really think about that huh?” Vector said sheepishly.
“But, for what it’s worth, if this does happen to be some real mission or case, I’m in. Besides, we need the money.” I said halfheartedly.
“All right!” Charmy yelled, “Chaotix is in business!”
yeah, I just wanted the formatting to not get messed up. Guess that was a bad idea after all. Terribly sorry.Ahem, sir. It would be wise if you post it here, not as a download though.
I actually do have Charmy, he's just in different chapters, and frankly, he's the most fun to write :D. heres why I did mid-chapter character changes.First and foremost, I think it's a bit jarring to change perspective mid chapter. Now, if you change it for a whole chapter, that might be okay. I certainly hope the mid-chapter perspective change is just for the first chapter or two. (Also, if you had Espio and Vector have their perspective on this, why not Charmys? At least then it'd be fair.)
1. The chapters would be rather short. Unless I went deep into the story with one character, backtracked for the other two, and continued in that fashion. However, that would lose interest quickly.
2. It would keep readers interested. When it changes perspective, it makes the readers have to focus more, therefore increasing interest, however I guess it can work the opposite way and just get confusing as well...
So I guess I'll just have to shorten chapters if it's that bothering.
Really? How so? To me it just sounds like he's thinking, but I guess I'm not writing to please only me, the reader is most important. What would you suggest in place?Also, Espio's use of "Could've" seems a bit OOC to me..
That was supposed to be a sarcastic and unamused comment from Espio about Charmy almost running into him, if I changed it to: “What? You nearly ran me over, I noticed, thanks anyways.”“What? You nearly nailed me, I noticed, thanks anyways.” Espio said, without amusement.
That... made no sense. at all. I really have NO idea what he's talking about there.
And as for all the grammar, I've copied and pasted your post into my word docyment, and will make those changes later, for now, I just wanna get this posted.
Hmm... I'll have to take a closer look at that.The biggest gripe I have is with Espio's part. Espio basically repeats himself by saying the same thing in the narration and the dialog. Somehow, Espio's part should be re-worked to fix that redundancy.
Quote 1 was from The_Noob
and the rest were from: Artificial-Insanity