EVERYONE: A not so typical journey

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  1. #1
    Registered User Shock3600's Avatar
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    Default A not so typical journey

    Hope you guys like it. Please help me improve.

    Chapter 1

    A new begining

    I yawned as I climbed out of bed. Finally it was the get my pokemon. I quickly git dressed and hurried down the stairs.
    After a quick breakfeast, i was ready to leave. "Don't forger your bag, honey," my mom called. I quickly thanked her as I grabbed my bag and left. I was going to miss Oldale town.
    Route 101 was especially nice that day. The tailow were singing and the zigzagoon were scurrying through the thick, green grass. About halfway through I decided to stop for a picnic. Finding a spot in the shade I sprayed my repel and set up a blanket.
    While I sat there, esting my PB & J, a wurmple was watching hungrily. I tore off a small piece and tossed to the small bug.
    After that my walk was pretty uneventful. Suddenly I could see Littleroot, the town that would make my dreams a reality in the distance. I instantly started sprinting.
    As I reached the town I saw people relaxing and playing with their pokemon. As I walked up to the lab, something felt wrong. Shrugging it off, I twisted the knob and walked in.
    Standing inside were 2 men in red uniforms with hoods, and the proffesor backed against the wall. Slowly, the 2 men turned to me, unsure of what to do.
    "Hey kid, the professors busy right now so how about you come back later." I stood there, frozen. "How about this," the other man startec, "you leave and you can get a pokemon," he said with a smile.
    My eyes travelled across the room, looking for a pokeball I could save him with. "Uh, my name's Drake and my mom told me to not talk to suspicious looking people," I said while invhing to a pokeball I had found.
    "Ah Ha!" I yelled as I tossed the pokeball. Suddenly, a golbat swooped and grabbed the pokeball, mid-air. They both looked at me.
    "Playtimes over kid."

  2. #2
    Registered User Shock3600's Avatar
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    Default Re: A not so typical journey

    Hey guys, comments are VERY apriceated as this my first true fan-fic. Thanks!

    Chapter 2
    Team Magma

    I woke up in a small room with stone walls. And it was hot. Really hot. Like, inside of a volcano hot. Suddenly a small section of the wall moved with a loud scraping noise. I tried to get up, but I was tied up. A man in a red uniform, much like the one's the men in the lab wore but without a hood, walked in with an air of confidence like he owned the place.
    "Your name's Drake, correct?" he asked.
    "Yes," I answered.
    "Tell me what happened, why you're here?" he asked. So I told him about how I left Oldale town to get my first pokemon. About the two men in the lab. About my failed attempt to help the protect the proffesor. He nodded then asked, "Do you like the land?"
    "Yes, of course."
    "Don't you agree that there should be more? Almost everything we do is on land. We need land. Without it, we could not be this far in civilization today." I nodded, agreeing. "What would happen if there was more water, higher oceans, less land. People would drown. Towns would flood. We would be devastated. Soon we will run out of land. Forests will be chopped to make room for cities. Pokemon's habitats will disapear and whole species will go extinct. Do you want this to happen?"
    "No," I said quickly.
    "Would you do anything to make more land?"
    "Yes," i said excitedly.
    "What if I told you can?" he said with a grin. "And weren't you wanting a pokemon?"
    He untied me and I followed him out of the room. To my surprise, we actully were in a volcano. There were walkways sprawled all around the walls and many tunnels heading deeper underground. "Welcome to Team Magma's headquarters," he said spreading his arms wide.
    He walked into a room obviously expecting me to follow. When I walked in I saw three pokeballs.
    "What pokemon are they?" I asked excitedly.
    "Zubat, Slugma, and Poocheyena. Which do you want?"
    I looked at each one thinking about it. I wasn't a big fan of Zubat even though Crobat was pretty cool. Mighteyena was cool but. I looked at Slugma's pokeball and made my decision. I reached for the pokeball I wanted and Maxie nodded in approval. I followed him deeper into in the volcano, away from the open crater. We walked into another room with a weird machine. He told me to put my new pokeball into the machine. I heard a bunch of noises and the pokeball came out looking completely different. It was red with an epic looking M on the button. "How about you meet your new friend," Maxie told me. I grabbed the pokeball and released my first pokemon. Slugma.

  3. #3
    Brock's Pikachu LightningTopaz's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: A not so typical journey

    You need to be sure that your prologue/first chapter is at least 1000 words, so I'm going to lock this until you have a revised draft (what you have right now could easily be one chapter with about 200-300 more words)
    My URPG stats: Maya's status

    SuBuWriMo status: 28,103 words in all!

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