10th November 2005, 10:16 AM
No Gym for You (one shot)
I was rummaging through some of my fanfic drafts and found one about getting into Celadon gym. Alex was rejected because he hated perfume so he tries all sorts of odd ways of getting in. Here it is completed with inspiration from the Roadrunner Cartoons.
This is nothing like Battlefield Tamamushi.
Alex & Raichu in:
NO GYM FOR YOU
An all too common scene in front of the massive, Vileplume-shaped Celadon City Gym was trainer (usually male) standing in front of the door, arguing with the junior trainers inside.
“Keeping me out of the gym for not liking perfume is the best you can do?” A tall, lean, male trainer in his late teens with short, blond hair, ice blue eyes, and wearing navy blue one piece jumpsuit with a picture of a Poké Ball embroidered on the left chest pocket and a dark colored base ball cap with a white Old English “D” embroidered on the front was sanding just out side of the sliding glass doors.
“This is government property.” A medium-sized creature that resembled a kangaroo rat with gold colored fur and white underbelly, beady black eyes, long, pointy brown ears with yellow on the inside, yellow dots on his cheeks, and a long, brown, serpentine tail ending in a yellow, lighting shaped “flail” was standing next to him.
“It’s not like we’re terrorists or criminals.” Raichu continued. “We’re a legally licensed trainer and his Pokémon.”
“I don’t care if you’re Pen and Teller.” Standing opposite of them was female trainer perhaps a year or two younger than Alex. She was wearing, khaki shorts and a field shirt with a red ascot. She had blue hair tied into a ponytail and red eyes. Her arms were crossed and her right foot was tapping the ground.
(Pain in the Gluteus Maximus)
“If don’t like perfume you can’t enter.” She snapped. “Those are the rules.”
“Why are you using my opinion of perfume to bar me from the gym anyway?” Alex growled.
“We manufacture that ‘stinky crap’ right here in this gym.” Another female trainer in the same uniform as her colleague with brown hair and her eyes closed whispered into his ear.
“Uh oh,” Alex gulped as a giant sweat drop appeared on the side of his head.
“So you are…” the blue haired trainer took are a huge stamp with an “X” on it and slammed it into Alex’s face “…rejected.”
Alex fell backwards onto the ground with a giant red “X” on his face. His eyes were replaced with swirls and his mouth was hanging wide open. The sliding glass doors closed.
“Alex,” Raichu nudged him, “speak to me pal.”
Alex leapt to his feet and pressed his face against the doors. “How am I supposed to win a Rainbow Badge if you won’t let me in?”
The blue haired trainer came back to the door. Alex relaxed, hoping she had changed her mind. She pulled down her lower eyelid and stuck her tongue out at him. She then walked away.
“I’ll get in that gym.” Alex yelled as his eyes transformed into slanted, white semi circles and his teeth were white triangles. “Even if it’s the last thing I do. I will not be denied.”
He stormed away from the gym. “Come Raichu, we must make plans.” Alex began a maniacal laugh.
“This’ll get ugly.” Raichu followed him.
The top a wooden ladder rested next to a window. Alex was at the bottom, steadying it.
“As my grandmother said,” Alex started climbing up the ladder, “when God closes the door, He opens a window.”
“But don’t you think the grounds keeper will notice we stole his ladder?” Raichu sounded a little worried.
“We’ll return it as soon as we get our gym match.” Alex looked back down at Raichu.
“I guess so.” Raichu reluctantly started climbing the ladder.
“You’re such a worry wart.” Alex reached the top and opened the window. “I don’t see your…” He was interrupted by a sharp but familiar pain to his face.
“My what?” Raichu asked.
Alex opened his eyes to see the same trainer standing in front of him. “You again.” He growled?
“I could say the same thing.” The trainer scoffed.
She then pushed the ladder away from the window. It fell back onto the ground, crushing Alex and Raichu under it.
“And stay out.” The trainer yelled angrily as she slammed the window shut.
“Oh, we have barely begun to fight.” Alex smirked.
A box with the label “Team Rocket Surplus Store: Rocket Powered Roller Skates” was sitting on the ground. Alex was putting a pair of roller blades on his feet. They were fire engine red with white wheels and silver pipes on the back. Alex stood up and tightened the straps.
“Is this really necessary?” Riachu said, unimpressed.
“Ask me that when we come out of the gym with a Rainbow Badge instead of an “X” mark on my face.” Alex pointed the skates toward the gym. “Hop on.”
Raichu hopped onto Alex’s back. Alex nearly fell backwards from the weight. However, he righted himself and leaned his body forward. He then clicked his heels together. Fire spouted from the pipes and Alex and Raichu rocketed towards the gym.
As Alex approached the stairs, he jumped and flew up to the level of the doors. He then blasted into the gym, barely giving the sliding glass doors time to open.
“Score,” Alex pulled his arm down.
He looked up just in time for his face to run into the “X” stamp. Another red “X” appeared on his face. As he opened his eyes that bugged out as he saw a ramp leading out of an open window. The brown haired gym trainer was standing next to it.
Alex tried to stop by throwing his feet in front of him but to no affect. He flew out of the open window. He and Raichu flew higher and higher. However, the rockets began to sputter and gave out.
They stood there, suspended in mid air. However, Alex looked down, then looked back up at the audience with a doomed expression and waved weakly to them. They then began falling. They fell into a canyon created by the buildings and threw up a ring of dust and created a wham sound upon impact.
A young woman slightly older than Alex with green hair in pig tails and wearing a short pink dress walked up the stairs of the gym. She walked through the sliding glass doors to enter.
However, the two planters with bushy plants in them stood up. The taller one had long legs in long, navy blue pants and the shorter one had Raichu feet. They slinked in behind the woman and sat back down beside the door.
The woman looked back at the two plants. Giants sweat drops appeared over them. She then shrugged and walked behind the main desk. She opened her purse and started rummaging through it.
The two plants stood up again and walked past the desk.
“Where is that lighter?” The woman thought out loud as she put a cigarette in her mouth.
The taller plant backed up to be in front of her. An arm clad in a long, navy blue sleeve appeared with a Zippo lighter in the hand. It lit the lighter.
“Thanks,” the woman lit her cigarette.
The hand closed the lighter and the arm disappeared back into the bush. The planter then walked towards the center of the gym again. However, it bumped into something.
The blue haired trainer ripped the leaves away to reveal Alex. Alex smiled sheepishly.
Alex flew out of the front door of the gym and skid across the sidewalk. He had yet another red “X” on his face. He slowly propped his upper body up with his elbows and looked back to the gym.
“Of course you know,” he yelled, “this means war.”
Just then, Raichu flew out and landed on Alex’s back, throwing his upper body back onto the ground.
Another box, labeled “Human Fly Kit” was sitting on the ground. Alex and Raichu were wearing red suction cups on there knees and palms. They smashed them against the outer wall of the gym and began climbing up. About halfway to the second story windows, a giant flyswatter smacked them.
They floated back to the ground, flat as paper. Just above the ground, they inflated and landed on the ground hard. The blue haired trainer was trying to handle the massive squatter.
Alex rolled onto his side and glared at her. “You’re despicable.” He spat.
Yet another box labeled “Spelunking Kit” sat in the grass. Alex was making sure a rope attached to a “petal” on the gym was secure. He then began climbing up it. Raichu followed.
As Alex reached an open window and started to reach for it. The blue haired trainer walked past with a giant pair of limb cutters. She glared at him and extended the cutters out so that the blades surrounded the rope.
“In the name of humanity I ask to not…” Alex screamed as she cut the rope and fell back to earth with a thud.
She looked down at Alex as he tried to get up. “Now scram.” She yelled and slammed the window shut.
Another box with the label of “Atomic Hole Driller” sat on the ground. Nearby, Alex was tightening a screw on what looked like a riveting machine but had a drill bit on the end.
“Don’t you think you’re taking this a little too far?” Raichu walked up to him. “There are other gyms.”
Alex looked up to glare at Raichu but then returned to his work. “There,” he put down his tools, “with this, we’ll burrow under the gym.”
Alex flipped the switch but nothing happened. Then, after a few seconds, the drill began to shake and then took off, dragging Alex and Raichu behind it. It tore across the sidewalk and then looped up to slam into the ground, slicing into it like a hot knife through butter.
The calm of a grassy plain and sandy beach is shattered by the sound of muffled screaming, growing louder in volume. The ground began to budge upwards and the driller exploded from it and flew into the ocean. After a few seconds, a massive explosion of water is thrown into the air.
An exhausted Alex and Raichu weakly climbed to the top of the hole. They were trying to catch their breath as they looked around.
“Where are we?” Alex panted.
“If I had to guess,” Raichu looked around, “I’d say the Falkland Islands.”
“What was your first clue,” Alex looked to his left, “the English and Argentineans fighting?”
In the distance, a massive fight cloud with the English and Argentinean Flags over them could be seen.
“That,” Raichu looked behind him, “and the sign.”
Alex looked behind him. A wooden sign with “Welcome to the Falkland Islands” printed on it was attached to a wooden post.
“I guess that driller had a little too much power.” Alex thought out loud.
“You think?” Alex exclaimed in half shock, half rage.
Night had fallen in Celadon City. However, Alex and Raichu were still hard at work.
“Going under was a bad idea.” Alex was connecting segments of a poll vault poll. “We’ll go over.”
He picked up the poll and pointed it at the gym. Raichu jumped on his back. He then began running for the gym. Just before reaching the gym’s wall, the end of the poll lodged in the ground and bent as Alex ran forward.
Alex then let himself and Raichu be thrown into the air by the poll. However, he and Raichu slammed into the wall of the gym and flattened out.
“It’s needs to be longer.” Raichu said in a muffled voice.
Alex worked his shoulders as he held a longer poll. He then looked at Raichu. “Are you sure you’re not coming along this time?”
“Sorry,” Raichu apologized, “I want to live to see the future.”
Alex shook his head and started running for the gym again. He shoved the poll into the ground. “Hi-yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,” he screamed as he vaulted clear over the gym. He then slammed into a tree on the other side.
Somewhere, a person smashed a nut with the hammer.
Alex slid down the tree with his limbs sticking out in front of him. He moaned in pain.
Raichu walked up. “Did that hurt?” He said in a sarcastically caring voice.
Alex shot him a glare and punched him on the head. A large, pink bump with a couple hairs sticking out appeared on Raichu’s head. Raichu staggered back.
Alex tightened the last screw on a wooden catapult.
“Are you sure you’ve worked this all out?” Raichu asked.
“Yes, I’ve calculated their trajectory so that we land on the roof.” Alex hopped into the bowl. “Now get in here.”
“Fine,” Raichu hopped in.
“We take the castle.” Alex yelled as he pointed forward.
Raichu pulled the lever near him. The bowl was thrown forward, right into the ground. Then the base flipped up and crushed the bowl.
“Was this part of your calculations?” Raichu’s muffled voice could be heard.
“Shut up.” Alex’s voice was also muffled.
Alex was pacing, deep in thought. “It would be so easy if it wasn’t for that blue haired girl.”
He picked up a sheet of blueprint paper. A stick figure of the blue haired trainer with horns, a tail that ended in an arrow head, holding a pitch fork, and complete with an evil smile looked back at him.
Alex sighed. “If it wasn’t for her, we could just waltz into that gym like any other.”
An idea then entered Alex’s head. “That’s it. We’ve been attacking the wrong problem.” He clicked his fingers.
“Huh,” Raichu looked at him.
“We’ve been trying to get into the gym.” Alex explained. “What we really need to do is to get rid of that trainer.”
The blue haired trainer was walking through a hall. She walked past Alex and Raichu acting like an Egyptian pattern on the wall. Two ropes then came down around her.
“What the,” she looked back to see Alex and Raichu holding those ropes.
They ran a circle around her, tying her up so only her head from the nose up and her feet could be seen. Alex then put her on his shoulder as they ran to a closet and threw her in. Raichu then raced off and quickly returned with a pile of boards. Alex and Raichu nailed the boards around the door.
“Alright,” Alex was stoked, “let’s go challenge the gym leader.”
“Yeah,” Raichu nodded as they ran for the main area in the center.
The main area in the center of the gym was like a massive forest. However, when Alex and Raichu got there, they saw no one.
“Odd,” Alex thought out loud.
As Alex and Raichu came into the main lobby, they saw a young woman from behind with shoulder length midnight blue hair, wearing a green and white dress leaving.
“That must be her.” Raichu thought out loud.
“Wait,” Alex ran for the door, “I want…” Alex ran into the sliding glass doors and was stuck there in an odd position.
The lights in the gym went out. Raichu looked at the sign by the door.
“It looks like it’s closed until nine tomorrow morning.” Raichu turned it around and read it.
“We’ll wait then.” Alex sat down and crossed his legs. “But we finally got into the gym.”
Just then, the blue haired trainer hopped into the lobby, still tied up. She then exploded from the ropes, surrounded by fire. Her eyes were burning flames as she smiled evilly at Alex and Raichu.
Alex and Raichu screamed at the sight. Raichu jumped into Alex’s arms. He then looked to the audience held up a sign that read “For the sake of humanity we ask that you end this cartoon NOW!”.
An iris close then commences. Just before the screen goes completely black, a sign pops through with “Thank You” printed on it. The sign is then pulled back but it falls off its post and lands on the ground as the iris closes completely.
That’s all folks.