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Thread: My Pokemon Journey.

  1. #31
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    New Jersey

    Default Re: My Pokemon Journey.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cabaret View Post
    Well I'm glad to see more characters introduced (even if it still follows the anime a little TOO closly). You may want to be a bit more descriptive with your writing. Dialogue is a big part of writing a fanfic or story, but it isn't everything. I think being descriptive is the one thing you'll need to work on throughout the fiction. I don't blame you for taking this long to post a chapter for the fic, sometimes everything gets in the way. Overall, I like that the story is moving along nicely, but I feel that something needs to happen. Something...defining. Something that your story has that no other journey fic has.

    PS. While you were gone, i started a fic, ended it because it sucked. Then started two more.

    I intend on having defining moments, I'm still in the early stages of my fic... and have 5 Generations to cover. I have plans for all 5 Gens, I'm sure new ones will be made, but as of now, I have a lot of things I want to do memorized.

    Haha, I'll take a look at your fics.
    My fanfiction:
    I have claimed Gold/Ethan!

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    New Jersey

    Default Re: My Pokemon Journey.

    Chapter 4, A Bet!

    Nick & Lyra are continuing on their journey to Violet City, as they seem to be arguing... again.

    "Man! It's taking us like 3 days just to get to Violet City!" Nick complains, as Pikachu sweat drops from the shoulder he is perched on.

    "Well this is all your fault!" Lyra begins to yell, as she turns around and yells in Nick's face. "You wouldn't know your way out of your own house if it wasn't for mine, or your mom's help!"

    "That isn't true, she only helped me once!" Nick responds while twiddling with his thumbs, Lyra & Pikachu fall down Anime style.

    "It's fine, we are almost at Dark Cave, so we should be in Violet City within moments!" Lyra says as she dusts herself off.

    Nick nods, as Pikachu runs back to his perch, as they continue on.

    They walk through a building that begins on the route they were on, they exit the route, and finally reach Violet City!

    "Awesome, I never thought I'd see this city!" Nick yells out, "Pi" Pikachu agrees as the young trainers look up towards the sky scrappers in awe.

    "This city is big, I can't wait to challenge the gym!" They both yell out at the same time.

    "Wait, so you're going challenge the gyms too, Lyra?" Nick questions his friend in confusion.

    "Yeah, of course! I'm not just going on this journey with you for the heck of it, I wanna be a Master too!" Lyra responds as she makes a fist, and pounds it into the air.

    "Well we can't beat the Gym Leader with 2 Pokemon each, we need to do some catching." Nick says as he zones out, counting with his fingers.

    "I for once agree, but where would be the best place?" Lyra questions, as they shrug their shoulders. Pikachu face palms his trainer & their friend.

    Pikachu taps Nick's head, "not now Pikachu I'm thinking." Nick responds, as he shoes his Pokemon away...

    "PI!" Pikachu yells, Nick looks at his Pokemon, as Pikachu is pointing at Lyra.

    "Oh right, I forgot, good idea Pikachu!" Nick yells, "hey Lyra, use your map!"

    They begin to look at the map of Violet City, as they argue over which places will contain the most wild Pokemon.

    "Well, there's either the Sprout Tower in the North of Violet City, or there's Route 32, exiting Violet City to the South." Lyra says, while scratching her chin.

    "Hm, they both sound like there should be a lot of Wild Pokemon and trainers to battle!" Nick says, Pikachu nods his head in agreement.

    "So... which one should we go too?" They say at the same time, Pikachu facepalms them again.

    "Well me & Pikachu are headed to Sprout Tower, it sounds pretty cool!" Nick begins walking in the direction of the Sprout Tower, until Lyra pulls him by his hood, stopping him in his tracks.

    "Hold on Nick, I wanna go on Route 32!" Lyra protests her friends decision.

    "Okay, I'll go to Sprout Tower, and you can go to Route 32!" Nick responds, as Lyra and Pikachu once again, fall down.

    "Grr, your so thick headed!" Lyra yells, "fine, how's about a little bet then?" Lyra says, getting a smirk.

    "Oh yeah, what kind of bet?" Nick questions, as he puts his face closer to Lyra.

    "Lets see who can catch a new Pokemon the quickest!" Lyra yells, as she grabs her bag and runs away from Nick.

    "You're on!" Nick yells as he runs to Sprout Tower.

    Nick finally makes it to the front of Sprout Tower, as he crosses the small bridge, seeing Poliwag jump up & back into the water.

    "See Pikachu? There are plenty of Pokemon here, and I'm gonna bet that there is even more inside the tower!"

    "PikaChuPika" Pikachu says, Nick shrugs his shoulders...

    "You know, I'm not even sure which type of Pokemon the Gym Leader uses, this will be our first Gym Challenge buddy." Nick says to his friend, as they walk into the tower.

    "What's up with the columns holding the tower up, why are they shaking?" Nick asks no one in particular, as he notices his surroundings.

    "Don't threat young one, this tower will not fall." A older man comes forward, explaining the tower's orgins to Nick.

    "No disrespect, but you could've fooled me." Nick responds to the older man.

    "Ah, it looks like you need to learn some history young one, here sit down, I'll tell you some of the history of this very tower." The elder motions Nick to sit down across from him, as Nick does.

    "You see, the swaying pillars you see protect this Tower from any threat, weather it be by Mother Nature, or man itself." The man begins, "those who live in this tower are called monks, I am one of them, we usually only train Hoothoot & Bellsprout here, as they are the Pokemon that the inhabitants of this tower worship."

    Nick nods his head in understanding.

    "Wow, I'm glad I chose to come here, this seems like an awesome place." Nick says while scratching the back of his head.

    The monk smiles, "this tower is over three stories tall, no one will battle you, except the Elder Monk Li, if you manage to defeat him... he will give you a rare Poke..."

    The monk doesn't get to finish, as Nick is already running towards the stairs.

    "Thanks for the information, I appreciate it! I'm going to challenge this Elder Monk Li guy!" Nick yells ,as he disappears from the Monk's view.

    "There is potential in that one, and he has a bigger heart then our last visitor... albeit, he is a little bit impatient." The monk says to no one, as the room he's in is now empty.

    "Gotta go faster! I want that Pokemon!" Nick yells, as he is running to the top floor, going up each flight of stairs he sees.

    "What Pokemon do you think it'll be? Maybe a Steel type, or a Bug type, he said a rare Pokemon, so maybe even a Dragon type!" Nick yells, as he finally runs up the last flight of stairs, making it to the top of the tower.

    Nick makes it to the top, as he sees a familiar face, Silver!

    "Silver, what are you doing here?!" Nick yells, as Silver smirks.

    "None that it's none of your business, but I came here to train, and to get a rare Pokemon."

    Nick drops his jaw in shock, "you mean, you already got it?" Nick says in sadness.

    "Yes I did, but stop your moping! The elder has one more to give, I've already got the Zephyr Badge!" Silver yells out, as he extends his hand holding the said badge to Nick.

    Nick grabs it, and begins to examine it... Silver yanks it back.

    "Hey I just wanted to see it!" Nick yells out.

    "Too bad, you better be prepared, Falkner is excellent at using Flying Type Pokemon to his disposal, he has three of them." Silver begins to explain to his rival.

    "Which 3 does he use?" Nick asks as he wants to be prepared as possible for his battle.

    "You'll see." Silver says in mock, as he begins to walk towards the flight of stairs.

    "Hold on Silver, lets battle!" Nick yells out, Silver turns as he grabs a Pokeball.

    "Hold it!" An old monk comes out of the shadows, inbetween the two young trainers.

    "There will be no battling, your Pokemon are hurt and need medical attention, and you have a battle to fight. The monk points to Silver & Nick.

    Silver shrugs his shoulders, as he leaves.

    "Sorry about that sir!" Nick bows his head in respect & apology.

    :It's fine, it's fine, now shall we begin our battle?" The monk says, Nick nods his head.

    "What are the rules?" Nick asks, as they take their battle positions.

    "2 on 2 battle, first trainer to defeat his opponent's Pokemon wins. The monk says, as he throws his ball in the air, revealing a Bellsprout.

    Nick ponders his decision as he realizes what type of Pokemon Bellsprout is.

    "Bellsprout is a Grass Type Pokemon, so my Cyndaquil should beat it easily!"

    Nick grabs the Pokeball, "Cyndaquil go!"

    The two Pokemon stare each other down, both waiting for their trainers commands.

    "Bellsprout, Razor Leaf!" The monk yells, as Bellsprout sways it's hips side to side, releasing sharp leaves headed right towards Cyndaquil.

    "Dodge it, jump in the air!" Nick yells, as Cyndaquil releases the flames on it's back, and does as he was told.

    "Bellsprout, go to the air too, and use Slam attack!" The monk yells, as Bellsprout jumps in the air, higher then Cyndaquil did, and hits it with both of it's legs, knocking Cyndaquil to the ground.

    "Cyndaquil come on buddy!" Nick yells, Cyndaquil gets back up. "Alright, use Quick Attack!"

    Cyndaquil runs towards the Bellsprout, as Bellsprout dodges each one of Cyndaquil's Quick Attacks by swaying it's hips.

    "It's moving just like the tower is... wait! I've got an idea." Nick yells out, Cyndaquil come back over here.

    Cyndaquil obeys, as he runs towards his trainer, and Bellsprout remains in place.

    "Swift attack now!" Nick yells out, as Cyndaquil opens his mouth wide, releasing yellow stars headed towards the opponent.

    "Dodge them all Bellsprout!" The monk yells, as Bellsprout sways it's hips dodging the Swift Attack.

    "Now go in for another Quick Attack!" Nick yells, Bellsprout and it's trainer are taken aback, as they weren't expecting Nick to use the same tactic.

    Cyndaquil hits Bellsprout dead on this time, as Bellsprout falls back from the force of the attack.

    "Yeah!" Nick yells out, as he thinks he won...

    "Now Vine Whip, grab on to that Cyndaquil!" Bellsprout obeys, as 2 Vines come out of Bellsprout's sides, wrapping themselves around Cyndaquil's body.

    "Try and break free!" Nick yells, but to no avail, as his Pokemon is trapped.

    "Now use Mega Drain!" The monk yells out, as Bellsprouts vines glow a dark shade of green, and they begin to absorb Cyndaquil's power.

    "Cyndaquil, turn your flames on as high as you can!" Nick yells, as Cyndaquil's flames are burning the vines off, once again shocking their opponents.

    "Now use Flame Wheel!" Nick yells as he points to the opposing Pokemon, Cyndaquil engulfs itself in flames, and rolls like a ball, hitting Bellsprout head on, knocking it out.

    "Well done, now lets begin our second battle!" The monk yells, as both trainers return their Pokemon.

    "Hoothoot I choose you!" The monk yells, as Nick silently thanks the monk he met in the first floor for telling him the info he did.

    Nick kneels down to his Pikachu, "you ready for a battle buddy?"

    Pikachu nods, as he runs to the battle field, his cheeks sparking the whole time.

    "Lets begin, Hoothoot Hypnosis!" The monk yells out, as a light purple circular attack comes out of Hoothoot's eyes.

    "Hypnosis...? Oh no, dodge it Pikachu!" Nick yells out, as Pikachu runs around, confusing Hoothoot.

    "Now Quick Attack!" Nick yells, as Pikachu runs full speed towards Hoothoot.

    "Peck Attack!" the monk yells, as Pikachu is about to hit Hoothoot, Hoothoot rams it's head into Pikachu, pecking it with it's small beak.

    "Don't let up Hoothoot, Tackle Attack!" The monk yells, as Hoothoot Tackles Pikachu, sending it back to Nick.

    "Pikachu, can you finish?" Nick asks his friend, as Pikachu gets up.

    "Alright buddy, Thundershock!" Nick yells, as a huge burst of electricty comes out of Pikachu, engulfing Hoothoot and knocking it out.

    The monk returns his Hoothoot, as he walks to Nick.

    "That was a fine battle young man, you have two very powerful Pokemon with you." The monk tells the young trainer, as Nick bows his head in thanks.

    "And your about to have a third, here, take it." The monk says, as he hands Nick a Pokeball.

    Nick takes it, "Thank you! now it's time to see what's inside!" Nick yells as he tosses the ball, and a small blue elephant appears in it's place.

    "Who's that Pokemon?" Nick says, as he points his Pokedex to the unknown Pokemon.

    "Phanpy, the Long Nosed Pokemon." The electronic voice of Professor Elm begins to explain, "It's small stature is not to be underestimated, it can easily pick up, and carry an adult human on it's back. It swings it's snout playfully, in affection, not knowing it can send it's trainer flying." The dex finishes.

    "Hm, lets see..." Nick says as he pushes a few buttons.

    "Phanpy is a Ground Type Pokemon, it's current attacks are Take Down, Defense Curl & Rollout." The dex tells Nick the information he needed.

    Nick kneels down to Phanpy, "hey Phanpy, I'm your new trainer!" Nick says, as Phanpy jumps into Nicks arms in affection, as Nick returns the Pokemon.

    "Thanks for the Pokemon Elder, I best be on my way. Nick responds as he goes down the flight of stairs, and finally makes it out of the tower, as he is walking to the Pokemon Center.

    Lyra catches up to him, "so, did ya catch a Pokemon?" Lyra asks, Nick shows her the peace sign, confirming it.

    "So did I!" Lyra yells, as she shoves a Pokeball in Nick's face.

    "What is it?" Nick asks, Lyra walks into the Pokemon Center, as Nick follows.

    "You'll see tomorrow, when I challenge Falkner first!" Lyra yells, Nick sweat drops.

    End of Chapter 4, next time, Lyra vs Falkner.
    My fanfiction:
    I have claimed Gold/Ethan!

  3. #33
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    The United States
    Blog Entries

    Default Re: My Pokemon Journey.

    Alright, this chapter made me realize a few flaws:

    -Not descriptive enough, the dialogue flowed real nicely, but kinda like a johto league anime episode would go.

    -the characters are merely shells of characters. They are like your stereotypical trainers, and that's never a good thing, as I have yet to find one unique personality trait from lyra or nick.

    Other then that, nothing was wrong with it. It flowed nicely and the battle was a perfect length.

    Oh, and 400th post.

  4. #34
    lieks SpecialShipping. Pikachu127's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011

    Default Re: My Pokemon Journey.

    This does lack in a certain way... Add a teensy bit more description, change up the words...

    the characters are merely shells of characters. They are like your stereotypical trainers, and that's never a good thing, as I have yet to find one unique personality trait from lyra or nick.
    My exact thoughts.

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