Thread: My Pokemon Journey.

"Ladies & gentlemen, Pokemon trainers & fans alike, we present you to this very special Pokemon Championship battle, as the current champion of the Elite Four, Lance is defending his championship against Karen, also a member of the Elite Four." Is heard coming from a TV in a otherwise dark room, a young boy, about 10 years old is shown, watching it with extreme interest.

"My name is Nick Ketchum, and tomorrow I turn 10, which means I can leave home, and train to become a Pokemon Trainer." The young boy, who reveals himself as Nick says.

The battle on the TV is shown again, "Lance has gone with his trusty Dragonite, as Karen has picked her Umbreon, this should be a epic battle. Testing both masters skills." The announcer is heard promoting, Nick is getting more & more excited until...

The Television turned off out of nowhere, with his mother standing in the door way. "Nick, you really need to get to sleep, or did you forget what tomorrow is!?!?!?" His mom scolds, Nick cringes, "No mom! Of course not, I've been waiting forever to turn 10!!!" "I'm just excited, I can't sleep." Nick pouts to his mother, she gives in... "fine, I'll let you stay up a little while longer, but watch something that will really get you ready for tomorrow." Delia Ketchum turns on the TV, but instead of the Elite Four battle, it's Professor Elm standing in front of pictures of Cyndaquil, Totidile and Chikorita, the 3 starter Pokemon of the Johto region.

As Professor Elm is explaining the various details of each Pokemon, Nick imagines what it would be like with each of those Pokemon. Nick imagines choosing Cyndaquil in a battle, and commanding it to use Flame Wheel, then it cuts to Chikorita, and Nick commanding it to use Vine Whip, and finally Totidle is seen, Nick commands it to use Slash attack. "I can't wait for tomorrow, I just have to think of which one I will choose to become my very first Pokemon!!!" "I will be the world's best Pokemon Master... Pokemon Master..." Nick trails off as he virtually falls asleep right in front of the still on Television.


Loud snoring is heard, as it is now morning time. The Dodrio are singing outside of the town of New Bark, waking various people up, as it is a New Bark Town tradition to do so. Nick wakes up with suddenly, "oh no!!!!!!!! What time is it?" He grabs the alarm clock, it is signaling 11:13 AM. "11:13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nick practically throws his alarm clock in the air, as it comes down and hits him square on the head. Nick runs out of the room rubbing his head, and is rushing to Professor Elm's laboratory. He passes by wild Sentret & Rattata on the way, not even stopping for a glance. As he finally reaches the lab, he sees Professor Elm about to lock up the gates to the lab, "WAIIIIIT!!!" Professor Elm looks up curiously, as he sees a young boy running like his life depend on it. "What can I do for you, son?" He questions with a raised eyebrow, Nick is trying to catch his breath, "I--I'm here for my Pokemon!" "Your Pokemon?" "It looks to me like your ready for a shower, and a change of clothes." The professor says with humor, a sweat drop forms on the back of Nick's head, "okay, follow me." Professor Elm mentions to his lab...

Inside the laboratory, a table with 3 Pokeballs is seen, "Which one can I take Professor?!" Nick says loudly, clearly excited for what's about to come. "None of them." Professor Elm responds calmly, "WHAT, WHY NOT?!?!?" Nick whines, "because, all 3 of these Pokeballs are empty, the Pokemon that used to be in them are with the trainers that picked them." "There's no more Pokemon left?" Nick asks depression clearly in his voice, "I didn't say that, there is one, but there is a problem with this one." "I don't care, I'll take it! I need a Pokemon!" Elm nods and presses a button, as a Pokeball with a lightning bolt on it. A Pikachu bursts out of the ball, happy to finally be outside in the open, and out of that ball. Pikachu shakes it's head and scratches it's ear, as Nick practically squeals with excitement. "Aww, it's the cutest & best one of all, I'll take it!" Nick says without thinking straight, picking up the Pikachu, "you'll see..." Professor Elm responds with worry, as Pikachu releases a Thunder Shock attack on Nick, as Nick instantly falls from the power. "Wow... that was electrifying..." Nick barley manages to say, as Elm sweat drops.


Professor Elm, Nick & the mischievous Pikachu are outside of his laboratory, "here is Pikachu's Pokeball, 5 more to fill out your team, and a Pokedex." This Pokedex will serve as your ID, it will tell you the unlimited amount of information about each & every Pokemon you come across, and it will allow you to enter into the Johto League Championship." Nick nods, grabbing everything. "Okay Pikachu, get into your ball..." Nick points the Pokeball at Pikachu, but Pikachu runs behind Professor Elm, Nick goes to return it, "hold on a second Nick, I almost forgot to mention, this Pikachu is special, it hates going inside it's Pokeball." Pikachu nods while crossing it's arms, "oh okay, that's no problem with me!" Nick responds with a smile, loud cheering is heard from behind him.

Delia Ketchum is shown walking towards Nick with another girl, "look at my little boy!" All grown up now, and a cute first Pokemon too, you are going to be just great on your journey son!" "Yeah, and if he isn't, I'll be there to bail him out!" The girl announces with a wink, "Lyra!?" The girl as Lyra puts her arm around Nick, and puts him in a playful headlock, "yup, the one & only!!!" A sweat drop forms on Delia & Nick's head, "I got my first Pokemon today, and already made my first capture too, and since neither one of us really wants to, or is ready to travel alone, I thought we can travel together!!" Lyra announces, "I'm all for it, but show me your Pokemon!" Nick says, Lyra nods as she throws 2 Pokeballs into the air, as a Chikorita & a Marill come out of them, both announcing their names proudly. "Nick points his Pokedex at Chikorita first, and then at Marill. "Wow, awesome, your already ahead of me!" "How wonderful, you guys are both traveling together, I wish you both the best!" Delia says, and then hands a bag to Nick. "Inside you'll find everything you need, extra Pokeballs, a map, a Pokegear so you can call me to check in, money, extra clothes and snacks in case you get hungry!" Nick laughs, "thanks mom, but we'll be fine, I'll call when we reach Cherrygrove City!" Nick yells as he grabs Pikachu and takes off, "wait for me!" Lyra yells as she returns her Pokemon and runs after her adventurous friend.


Nick is seen dragging his Pikachu with a long rope, since the Pikachu is stubborn, and won't do anything he asks it to do. "Come on Pikachu, we're supposed to be friends! "Why won't you listen to me?" Pikachu turns his head, "why is your Pikachu acting like this?" Lyra asks with concern in her voice, "I don't know, but I don't like it..." Nick half answers her, a wild Hoothoot is pecking at the ground, oblivious to the people & Pokemon around it. "Hey Pikachu, if I untie you, will you help me battle this Pokemon & catch it?" Nick whispers to his Pokemon, so he won't scare the Hoothoot off. Pi, Pikachu nods... Nick smiles untying Pikachu, Pikachu immediately runs up a nearby tree, & lays down lazily. "Fine!" "I don't need your help anyways!" Nick yells, alerting the Hoothoot, Nick runs after it & jumps, trying to hold it so it don't run away. But the Hoothoot has other plans, as it uses it's Peck & Tackle attacks in succession on Nick... Nick is on the ground in pain, as his Pikachu is seen laughing hysterically. "Hey!" "That's not funny, he could have been seriously hurt!" Lyra attempts to scold the Pikachu, but Pikachu shrugs it off, continuing to laugh. "I'm okay, I can catch a Pokemon without his help!!!" Nick yells as he sees a image of a bird Pokemon from afar, Nick picks up a rock, "I don't think you should do that..." Lyra says in fear, Nick shrugs the warning off, and chucks the rock hitting a wild Fearow, the Fearow becomes irate and charges at Nick, Lyra & Pikachu. Going directly to Pikachu, hitting it with a Quick Attack, knocking it out of the tree, to the ground hard. "Pikachu!" Nick yells as he runs to help, but the Fearow uses a Gust attack to stop his efforts. Lyra sens out her Chikorita & Marill to help out, and fight off raged wild Fearow.


"Chikorita use Vine Whip to hold on to the Fearow's wings!" The attack catches Fearow by surprise, as it's not able to fend off the attack, "now Marill use Bubblebeam!!!" The attack hits as the Fearow flies away. Nick gets up and runs over to Pikachu, "I know you don't like me, but I'm gonna get you some help!" Nick runs with Pikachu in his arms, Lyra returns her Pokemon, and runs after him...


They continue to run, until a group of Spearow are flying slowly behind them, and the same Fearow from earlier lands directly in front of them. They try to run the other way, but run into a wall of Spearow. Spear, Fear! The Pokemon cry out in battle mode, the Fearow uses a powerful Whirlwind attack, sending everyone to the ground with a thud. Lyra sends out her Pokemon again, "Go Chikorita, go Marill!" "Marill use Bubblebeam attack, Chikorita use Razor Leaf!" They combined attacks manage to defeat some Spearow, before they all gang up on the 2 Pokemon, using countless Wing Attacks. Both Pokemon get back up, determined to fight, until Fearow hits a Gust making Lyra, and her 2 Pokemon down for the count. Nick crawls towards Pikachu, "I'll try to bind us some time, you go into your ball where it's safe, I know y-you don't like me, but please, t-trust me!" Nick stands up in defiance, "Fearow, Spearow! "Do you know who I am, I am Nick Ketchum, from the town of New Bark, I am destined to be the worlds greatest Pokemon Master, I cannot be defeated by the likes of you!" Pikachu watches in awe, "I am going to defeat & capture you all, you hear me!?!?!?" Nick throws another rock, "COME AND GET ME!!!!" Nick yells, as the Fearow & Spearow charge for an assault, Pikachu leaps up and jumps off of Nick's shoulder, and in mid air releases the biggest Thunder attack Nick has ever seen, instantly defeating the wild Pokemon, as Nick & Pikachu lie on the ground. A giant green dragon is seen in the clouds, flying elegantly through the sky. Nick reaches for his Pokedex, pointing it at the unknown dragon Pokemon. "There is no data, some Pokemon are yet to be discovered by Pokemon professors." The dexster's voice is heard, as Nick looks in awe, and both Pokemon & trainer fall asleep.


Nick awakes by Pikachu licking his face, trying to wake him up, as Lyra is seen across rubbing her knee. Pikapi!!! Pikachu shouts as it jumps on Nick, "whoa!" "So now you like me, huh?" Nick, and Pikachu laugh. Lyra walks over to them, and extends her hand, "care to get up?!" We can't get to Cherrygrove with you sleeping on the job!" Lyra scolds in amusement. Nick takes her hand as she helps him up, they brush themselves off as they continue to walk to Cherrygrove City, as the sun sets in the distance.




End of chapter one, review/criticize please!

It's really good,the only problem is that it follows a formula which is generally fine, but most people do not read them if they do something that everybody else is already writing about. I would most certainly like to see another chapter.

Originally Posted by WingullStrike

It's really good,the only problem is that it follows a formula which is generally fine, but most people do not read them if they do something that everybody else is already writing about. I would most certainly like to see another chapter.

What do you mean, there's other people who have written a story about this? I didn't see any, and you'll see many more chapters, I do have FIVE Generations to cover, I've already begun working on the second chapter... I'm just hoping for more reviews before I finish it, y'know?

I was reffering to the fact that fics that involve a character going on a pokemon journey is generally a majority of them. But aside that, getting review will be tough. I have only gotten ONE review for my poem/story, and I worked pretty hard on it. And five? yeesh.

Originally Posted by WingullStrike

I was reffering to the fact that fics that involve a character going on a pokemon journey is generally a majority of them. But aside that, getting review will be tough. I have only gotten ONE review for my poem/story, and I worked pretty hard on it. And five? yeesh.

Yes, I intend to go through all gens, and probably the sixth too once it's out haha. Link me to your story, I'll gladly review it, since you did mine, :).

It was posted yesterday, it should still be on the first page.

Good Chapter. There is only a few things i can see out of place. One is, like Wingull Strike said, this is following Ash's journey almost to a T. The other is that you need a new paragraph for every time a new person speaks.

EXAMPLE:

you wrote

Delia Ketchum is shown walking towards Nick with another girl, "look at my little boy!" All grown up now, and a cute first Pokemon too, you are going to be just great on your journey son!" "Yeah, and if he isn't, I'll be there to bail him out!" The girl announces with a wink, "Lyra!?" The girl as Lyra puts her arm around Nick, and puts him in a playful headlock, "yup, the one & only!!!" A sweat drop forms on Delia & Nick's head, "I got my first Pokemon today, and already made my first capture too, and since neither one of us really wants to, or is ready to travel alone, I thought we can travel together!!" Lyra announces, "I'm all for it, but show me your Pokemon!" Nick says, Lyra nods as she throws 2 Pokeballs into the air, as a Chikorita & a Marill come out of them, both announcing their names proudly. "Nick points his Pokedex at Chikorita first, and then at Marill. "Wow, awesome, your already ahead of me!" "How wonderful, you guys are both traveling together, I wish you both the best!" Delia says, and then hands a bag to Nick. "Inside you'll find everything you need, extra Pokeballs, a map, a Pokegear so you can call me to check in, money, extra clothes and snacks in case you get hungry!" Nick laughs, "thanks mom, but we'll be fine, I'll call when we reach Cherrygrove City!" Nick yells as he grabs Pikachu and takes off, "wait for me!" Lyra yells as she returns her Pokemon and runs after her adventurous friend.

And i would write:

Delia Ketchum is shown walking towards Nick with another girl, "look at my little boy!" All grown up now, and a cute first Pokemon too, you are going to be just great on your journey son!"

"Yeah, and if he isn't, I'll be there to bail him out!" The girl announces with a wink.

"Lyra!?" said Nick.

The girl as Lyra puts her arm around Nick, and puts him in a playful headlock, "yup, the one & only!!!" A sweat drop forms on Delia & Nick's head, "I got my first Pokemon today, and already made my first capture too, and since neither one of us really wants to, or is ready to travel alone, I thought we can travel together!!" Lyra announces.

"I'm all for it, but show me your Pokemon!" Nick says, Lyra nods as she throws 2 Pokeballs into the air, as a Chikorita & a Marill come out of them, both announcing their names proudly. Nick points his Pokedex at Chikorita first, and then at Marill. "Wow, awesome, your already ahead of me!"

"How wonderful, you guys are both traveling together, I wish you both the best!" Delia says, and then hands a bag to Nick. "Inside you'll find everything you need, extra Pokeballs, a map, a Pokegear so you can call me to check in, money, extra clothes and snacks in case you get hungry!"

Nick laughs, "thanks mom, but we'll be fine, I'll call when we reach Cherrygrove City!" Nick yells as he grabs Pikachu and takes off, "wait for me!" Lyra yells as she returns her Pokemon and runs after her adventurous friend.

Originally Posted by KantoMasta

Good Chapter. There is only a few things i can see out of place. One is, like Wingull Strike said, this is following Ash's journey almost to a T. The other is that you need a new paragraph for every time a new person speaks.

EXAMPLE:

you wrote



And i would write:

Delia Ketchum is shown walking towards Nick with another girl, "look at my little boy!" All grown up now, and a cute first Pokemon too, you are going to be just great on your journey son!"

"Yeah, and if he isn't, I'll be there to bail him out!" The girl announces with a wink.

"Lyra!?" said Nick.

The girl as Lyra puts her arm around Nick, and puts him in a playful headlock, "yup, the one & only!!!" A sweat drop forms on Delia & Nick's head, "I got my first Pokemon today, and already made my first capture too, and since neither one of us really wants to, or is ready to travel alone, I thought we can travel together!!" Lyra announces.

"I'm all for it, but show me your Pokemon!" Nick says, Lyra nods as she throws 2 Pokeballs into the air, as a Chikorita & a Marill come out of them, both announcing their names proudly. Nick points his Pokedex at Chikorita first, and then at Marill. "Wow, awesome, your already ahead of me!"

"How wonderful, you guys are both traveling together, I wish you both the best!" Delia says, and then hands a bag to Nick. "Inside you'll find everything you need, extra Pokeballs, a map, a Pokegear so you can call me to check in, money, extra clothes and snacks in case you get hungry!"

Nick laughs, "thanks mom, but we'll be fine, I'll call when we reach Cherrygrove City!" Nick yells as he grabs Pikachu and takes off, "wait for me!" Lyra yells as she returns her Pokemon and runs after her adventurous friend.

Thanks, I like that style & will be using it from now on.

Alright, sit tight, I'm going to comb all the way through this, starting with my first impressions and going down to the nitty-gritty details.

First of all, it's pretty irritating to read the all-bold text. I'm sure it wasn't meant to be all bolded like that, and having it all bold makes it seem like the whole thing is some sort of announcement.

Next, you're putting the whole story into blocks of text, which makes it really hard to read. Especially those blocks of dialogue - each speaker in a line of dialogue should get its own line, especially in a block of battle dialogue like you have in the second-last paragraph et al.

Thirdly, if this is Nick Ketchum, where is Ash? Are they brothers? You make no reference to the actual canon character that this character is supposed to be related to. Although personally I think the idea of Ash's brother/sister/son/cousin/etc. is a little overused and cliché, it's better than just switching a name around and passing it off as your own story.

Also, your story's pacing could use some work. Right now, both the plot and the writing are moving too fast through the events - you don't give the reader enough time to really have an event happen to them before you move onto the next thing.

Come to think about it, this story appears to just be a re-transcription of the first episode of the anime, except set in Johto and with Lyra added in as a character. At least you got Lyra's character down okay.

Originally Posted by Dragonite Ernston

Alright, sit tight, I'm going to comb all the way through this, starting with my first impressions and going down to the nitty-gritty details.

First of all, it's pretty irritating to read the all-bold text. I'm sure it wasn't meant to be all bolded like that, and having it all bold makes it seem like the whole thing is some sort of announcement.

Next, you're putting the whole story into blocks of text, which makes it really hard to read. Especially those blocks of dialogue - each speaker in a line of dialogue should get its own line, especially in a block of battle dialogue like you have in the second-last paragraph et al.

Thirdly, if this is Nick Ketchum, where is Ash? Are they brothers? You make no reference to the actual canon character that this character is supposed to be related to. Although personally I think the idea of Ash's brother/sister/son/cousin/etc. is a little overused and cliché, it's better than just switching a name around and passing it off as your own story.

Also, your story's pacing could use some work. Right now, both the plot and the writing are moving too fast through the events - you don't give the reader enough time to really have an event happen to them before you move onto the next thing.

Come to think about it, this story appears to just be a re-transcription of the first episode of the anime, except set in Johto and with Lyra added in as a character. At least you got Lyra's character down okay.

I guess you didn't see the prologue, basically it's my version of the anime/games, with me as Ash, but I'm using Gold's design for myself, because I like it a lot. It will be following a lot of plots from the games and anime, but with details added/changed, as you've seen. I appreciate the criticism, and Kanto Masta said the same thing about the text, which I will be using both yours & his advice for my next chapter...

Also, I screwed up on the bolding, badly lol. Ash/Red will be making appearences later in the fic, this fic will cover all 5 Generations. As I feel like telling it, hope you continue to review :).

Originally Posted by Nick Ketchum

I guess you didn't see the prologue, basically it's my version of the anime/games, with me as Ash, but I'm using Gold's design for myself, because I like it a lot. It will be following a lot of plots from the games and anime, but with details added/changed, as you've seen. I appreciate the criticism, and KantoMasta said the same thing about the text, which I will be using both yours & his advice for my next chapter...

Yeah, I might not read it though, I'm not usually interested in stories like these...

It's not your fault, it's just that people's "alternate versions" of canon are just not my type of fic to read.

Also, I screwed up on the bolding, badly lol. Ash/Red will be making appearences later in the fic, this fic will cover all 5 Generations. As I feel like telling it, hope you continue to review :).

You can go back and edit your post about the bolding, though.

Chapter 2, A Rival & A Capture.

"Nick come on, the Pokemon Center almost closes, we've got less then 20 minutes!!!" Lyra is heard yelling at her friend.

"I know, I know, I'm running as fast as I can!" "You're the one who needs to hustle!!!" Nick yells back towards Lyra.

They keep on running until they see a big building, which looks like a hospital, but it's no doubting about it, the Pokemon Center. Nick & Lyra practically burst through the door, just as the Nurse Joy was about to lock it up.

"Nurse Joy, can you please take care of our Pokemon?!?" Lyra & Nick say at the exact same time, and have the exact same tone of worry in their voices.

"Of course I will, it's my duty after all!" Nurse Joy replies with a smile, until she glances at the Pikachu in Nick's arms. "How could you have let it get into this condition?!"

"But you don't know what happened, this Fearow i-it..." Nick replies, but is cut off by Nurse Joy.

"It doesn't matter, you as it's trainer should never let it get this bad, regardless of the situation." Nurse Joy begins to lecture Nick sternly, "but no worries, I'll have him 100% again in no time!" "Young lady, hand me your Pokeballs as well..." Nurse Joy motions towards Lyra, as Lyra hands her the Pokeballs containing Marill & Chikorita... as Nurse Joy disappears into the emergency room.

Nick puts his head in his hands as he sits on one of the waiting chairs, Lyra sits next to him & tries her best to comfort her friend.

"Look Nick, you heard her, she said our Pokemon will be fine. And I believe her!" "After all, it is her job to help fallen, injured & sick Pokemon, right?"

"Yeah, I'm just scared, me & Pikachu just connected until we passed out, and he's hurt and there's nothing I can do..." Nick explains, with his emotions running wild.

"I know, I'm worried about my Pokemon too, but they're not as bad as....." Lyra says, before she cuts herself off, worrying that she'll make the situation worse.

"I'll probably get my Pokemon trainers license taken away, banned from Pokemon training for life..." Nick says with sadness in his voice.

"That won't happen!" Lyra says in anger, "just because our Pokemon are hurt at the moment doesn't mean that'll happen, Nurse Joy is gonna fix everything." "But we should call our parents, you call your mom first"

Nick nods as he walks over to the video phone and dials his number, he waits patiently as he sees his mom answer with a bowl of eggs in her hand, and a wisk in the other.

"Hi mom..." Nick says in hesitation.

"Oh hello dear!" Delia says with happiness, "where are you calling from?"

"Lyra & me are at the Cherrygrove City Pokemon Center..." Nick answers.

"Wow, so you guys are there already?" Delia questions, "that's amazing!" It barley took you guys a day to get there, I'm proud of the both of you, call me later hon, okay?" "I'm in the middle of making breakfast..." Delia says with her ever lasting smile.

"Okay mom, bye." Nick begins to hang the phone up...

"I love you, you guys be safe." Delia says with concern in her voice.

"Thanks mom, we will, and I love you too..." Nick says as he hangs the phone up, and the emergency sign is cleared off, as a loud beeping noise rings throughout the center.

"That means are Pokemon are okay!" Lyra says grabbing Nick as they run to the door...

Nurse Joy comes out with a resting Pikachu on a stretcher, and 2 Pokeballs beside it.

"All of your Pokemon are A okay, Pikachu needs a few hours more of rest, but he should be back on his feet in no time..." Joy explains to Nick, "and here are your Chikorita & Marill, they are fine, but a little hungry, so run to the Pokemart so you can buy some supplies." Nurse Joy tells Lyra with a smile, as she walks away.

"Well you stay here with Pikachu, I'm gonna take these, and go buy us some stuff for our journey, right now we don't have much..." Lyra says grabbing her Pokeballs with a laugh, and then runs out the center...

Nick looks at his resting Pikachu with sadness & concern written all over his face, "I'm sorry Pikachu, I really am." "This is all my fault, if I didn't get mad and throw that rock, none of this would have happened, I'm a bad trainer..." Nick says as he looks down, until he feels something furry jump on his left shoulder.

Pi, pika, pikapi! Pikachu cries as he licks Nick's cheek and nuzzles him, trying to cheer his trainer up.

"Aww thanks Pikachu, so your okay now?" Nick says in happiness, Pi, Pikachu confirms as it takes it's bandages off.

"Alright!" "Lets go find Lyra!" Nick says as he runs out the center with Pikachu on his shoulder, struggling to keep on his impatient trainer.


Nick runs to the Pokemart on the other side of town... he waits outside for Lyra until someone comes up to him...

"Is that your Pikachu?" A boy with long red hair, a long gray & red jacket, & dark blue jeans questions Nick.

"Yeah, he is, why?" Nick asks in suspicion, "well how about a battle?" The stranger asks Nick.

Nick smirks as he nods his head, "sure, what are the rules?"

Simple, this will be a 1 on 1 battle, no time limit, the winner is decided when one of the Pokemon faint from battle, understood?" He answers Nick.

"Yeah, I understand... but what is your name?"

"Silver." Silver says as he throws his Pokeball in the air, revealing a Totodile.

"A Totodile?" Nick asks with interest, as he points his Pokedex at the Totodile, "Totodile, The Big Jaw Pokemon. It's highly developed jaw can crush anything, trainers beware: this Pokemon loves to use it's teeth to attack." The automatic voice on the Dex says, telling Nick information about Silver's Totodile.

"That's one awesome Pokemon, but I have the one to beat it right here, go Pikachu!!!" Nick tells his Pokemon with excitement, as he is about to begin his first battle.

"I'll start, Silver yells out, "Totodile, go attack with a Water Gun now!" Totodile shoots a powerful stream of water out of it's mouth, directly at Pikachu.

"Pikachu dodge it now!" Pikachu dodges with ease, "use Quick Attack!" Pikachu runs at Totodile with great speed, connecting with the attack as Totodile falls down.

"Get up and use Water Gun again!" Silver yells, as his Pokemon obeys, and the Water Gun hits Pikachu spot on, knocking Pikachu to the floor.

Lyra steps out of the Pokemart to see her friend & some unknown trainer battling, "I guess he couldn't wait, ah well, I gotta see this!" Lyra says as she runs to the battle scene.

"Pikachu come on buddy, get up, use Thundershock!" Pikachu gets up as he releases a powerful amount of electricity out of it's small body, towards Totodile...

"Totodile, dodge it!" Silver yells, Totodile ducks on the ground to dodge it, "now use your Scratch attack!" Totodile runs and it's claws hit Pikachu as Pikachu takes the hit, "Keep on using Scratch!" Totodiles hands are moving faster now, Scratching Pikachu up & down it's body.

"Pikachu use Thundershock now that it's in your range!!!" Nick yells to his Pokemon, as Pikachu releases the attack, and this time it hits Totodile directly, causing it to fly back with force from the attack.

"Totodile get up!" Silver yells to his Pokemon, "get up and use Bite attack now!" Silver yells again.

"Hey" Lyra yells out to Silver out of seemingly nowhere, shocking both trainers. "It looks to me like your Totodile can't continue, so just forefit the match, you don't want it to get hurt, do you?" Lyra asks the unknown trainer.

"Shut up, and stay out of this, this is none of your business!" Silver yells, "Bite now Totodile!" Silver yells as Totodile gets a second wind as it jumps and chomps down on Pikachu's head...

"Pikachu try to shake it off!" Pikachu tries to shake Silver's Totodile off in vain, as Totodile is determined not to let go, "alright fine then, use Thundershock!" Nick yells, as Silver widens his eyes in surprise, as does Lyra.

Pikachu does what it was told, and releases another powerful Thundershock, Totodile is engulfed in electricity, but it's still not letting go! "Totodile, get off of Pikachu & use Water Gun now!" Silver commands, Totodile lets go, and releases a powerful stream of water from it's mouth, hitting Pikachu as Pikachu flies back to Nick, fainting instantly.

Nick goes on his knees to check on his fallen Pokemon, as Lyra runs over to help.

"Hmm, not a bad match, but you seriously gotta get better if you plan on challenging the Johto League, the most powerful trainers in this land are gonna be there, and the winner gets the honor of facing the Elite Four, and if they get through that, even the Champion, Lance The Dragon Master!" Silver says...

"If you battle like that, how do you expect to even get passed the perlimineries?" Silver questions with spite, "you should just go home, before you hurt yourself even more!" Silver yells as he begins to walk away...

"You don't have to be so...." Lyra begins to call out to Silver, before Nick's hand comes across her face, signaling her to stop. "Silver!" Nick yells, Silver turns around to face him from the edge of town, leading to Route 30, "next time we battle, I'll be the one who walks away in victory!" Nick yells to his newest rival, Silver smiles as he walks away.

"Well... it seems someone has a rival?" Lyra teases her friend.

"Yeah, I do... and it's one I can't wait to see again." Nick smiles as he picks his Pikachu up, Pikachu licks his face saying it's sorry.

"It's okay Pikachu, it was our first battle, I know we both will get better with time, hey Lyra?" Lyra looks at him, "did you buy any type of potions?" Lyra nods as she pulls one out of her bag, and hands it to Nick. "Alright Pikachu, this will help you..." Nick sticks it in his mouth, and sprays, as Pikachu makes a funny face, and is 100% healthy once again.

Both trainers are seen walking out of Cherrygrove City, obviously headed towards Violet City, and it's Pokemon gym, until Nick stops dead in his track, Lyra being oblivious to it, walks right into him, knocking her onto the ground.

"Ow, you idiot!" What was that for!?" Lyra begins to shout until Nick covers her mouth, putting one of his fingers on his, and whispers shhhhhhhh...

"Look over there, that's a Cyndaquil!" I'm going to catch it!!!" Nick tells her, as he looks at the Cyndaquil, and his Pikachu jumps off his shoulder.

Cyndaquil notices their approach, "Pikachu go use Quick Attack!" Pikachu obeys disappearing, running with speed directly at the wild Fire Mouse Pokemon, Cyndaquil releases a Smokescreen attack, as Nick & Pikachu cough, Cyndaquil jumps in the air and uses a Swift attack on Nick's Pikachu.

"Pikachu look out!" Nick tries to warn his Pokemon, but it is too late, as the Swift hits Pikachu...

"Pikachu!" Nick yells, as Pikachu stands up, "go use Thundershock!" Pikachu releases it's attack from it's body, hitting Cyndaquil engulfing it in electricity, "now go in for the win, use Quick Attack!" Pikachu hits it this time, hitting Cyndaquil in the stomach, as Cyndaquil lands on his back, Nick grabs a Pokeball and tosses it at the fallen Cyndaquil...

The ball shakes several times, Nick is seen gritting his teeth in anticipation, as the ball clicks and makes a noise, signaling the Pokemon's capture.

"YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nick yells as he picks up Pikachu, runs with Pikachu hanging for dear life on his arm, and Nick picks up his newest Pokemon's Pokeball. "Pikachu we did it!" "We caught our first Pokemon together!" Nick tells his Pokemon with happiness, he minimizes the Pokeball, puts it on his belt, as a wild Pidgetto is seen flying above...

"Come on Lyra!" Nick yells at his friend, "there's so much Pokemon, so little time!" "Lets go catch 'em all!!!" Nick yells as he runs away...

"Ugh, EVERY TIME!!!!" Lyra yells as she runs after her friend.


*End of chapter 2!*

Nice new chapter. The only things i noticed this time were

-When Nick calls his mom, it was supposedly 20 minuted until the pokecenter closes, but yet his mom is making breakfast?

-and You seem to swap between current and past tense sometimes.

That's all i saw, keep up the good work!

Originally Posted by KantoMasta

Nice new chapter. The only things i noticed this time were

-When Nick calls his mom, it was supposedly 20 minuted until the pokecenter closes, but yet his mom is making breakfast?

-and You seem to swap between current and past tense sometimes.

That's all i saw, keep up the good work!

My mom likes breakfast at night? Lol, yeah, it sounded good in my head, because the first chapter ended at sunset. But then I realized how much I failed when you pointed that out, haha. Thanks for the review though :).

I like it a lot it's really good! ^__^ Is this the first theing you've written if so, you've done a very good job I can't wait for the next chapter! Nice work for your first story it attracted a lot of attention :D(much more than my story about Ash's father...) I really like it I can't wait to read more XD but, I have one question is Nick Ketchum like an alternate version of Ash or something because they have the same mom and stuff and I'm kinda confused not to be mean, I really do love the story just that part confused me XD Anyway keep writing ^__^ I give your story a 8.5/10