21st May 2009, 10:34 PM
I'M WHAT THE %!$& HAPPENS
Mother And Child(RedShipping, DiamondShipping, CrazyShipping, OneShot, PG)
Contains elements from AC-DC's "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap," The Dead Milkmen's "Brat in the Frat," Alphaville's "Forever Young," and various NPR programs.
♪If you’re having trouble with your high school head,
He’s giving you the blues,
You wanna graduate, but not in his bed,
Here’s what you gotta do:
Pick up the phone, I’m there alone,
Call me anytime,
Just call 362-4367,
I lead a life of crime!♫
As Ash’s favorite CD sounded to announce the morning light, he groggily awoke and put on his clothes. It had been a while since he spent a night at his mother’s place, but with all the time he spent away from his house, he figured that this time he should be here to stay. Afer all, he had finally completed that blasted Pokédex. He looked at his desk and all the photos he had taken over the years, paying special attention to the girls he spent all his time with. Misty. Ash always did regret never asking her out, especially when she sent him that letter saying that she and Brock were engaged. Oh well, he thought. He was always a better fit for her than me. May. A kind, talented sort with a real nice build. Too bad she was a lesbian. Dawn. She’d make someone a real good wife, but not him. He was too old. Guess I’ll find me someone someday, Ash thought with a sigh, putting on his shirt and turning off his stereo.
He walked past the kitchen. His mother was cooking eggs over-easy. His favorite. He made himself some toast to go with and sat down. The radio was playing his favorite show.
“Well, all I can say here is ‘wow!’
Just look at that huge bovine frau!
Those German genetics
Were far from pathetic,
They’ve bred a great big Nazi...”
“COW!!!” shouted Ash and Delia.
Another voice came on the radio.
“That’s right!” shouted the host. Both Ash and Delia cheered. It was then that Ash’s Pikachu nudged at his shin.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry, little fella.” Ash looked for the bag full of PikaChow and dumped it into his furry buddy’s food bowl.
“Hey, Ash?” asked his mother. “I’ve gotten all this news about your little friends, and, based on how long you’ve been gone... Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
Ash took a long pause, evidently at a loss for words.
“No, seriously.” continued Delia. “You’re 15 years old, that’s old enough to leave the house, you’ve graduated from school, and you still don’t have a girlfriend.”
Ash began stuttering, but was cut off.
“Seriously,” continued Delia. “If I don’t hear any word from a significant other soon, I’m going to look into blind dates.”
Ash knew what this meant, and, frankly, the concept of blind dates was a little rattling. He still had trouble wrapping his brains around the concept of matchmakers, for Arceus’ sake. “...Hey, Mom?” he said, holding up his Pokédex and praying for a subject change. “I really gotta go take this to Oak’s lab. I’ll see you later.”
“Well, okay.” said Delia. “I’ll see you later, sweetie.”
Ash opened the door and left, genuinely hoping his mother would at least forget for now. He walked to the lab and showed Professor Oak the Pokédex. He was at a loss for words.
“...Ah-...iga-eeg, oork, g-g, g-g-g-g-...ALL OF THEM!?”
“Uh, a-a-ahh... HERE! TAKE THIS GOLD CARD! SPECIALLY MADE JUST FOR THE OCCASION!” shouted Oak, thrusting a gold template version of Ash’s ID card into his hands and dancing a merry jig. This caused Ash to worriedly back away, heading straight to his house.
“So, how was it?” asked Delia.
Ash responded by taking Delia out on the porch and pointing at the lab, which was now jumping up and down with its owner. Professor Oak’s voice was still audible.
WOO-HOO! YEAH, BABY! POUR ME SOME GIN, MR. LAB ASSISTANT! WHOO-PEEEEE, IT’S GONNA BE A PARTY TONIGHT!!!
Ash decided that no more needed to be said and went to his bedroom. There he found a paper airplane that had been thrown through his window. This wasn’t a surprise, as the kids nearby were always throwing those darned things. At least it wasn’t a brick, like it was last week. He picked up the plane and noticed what looked like handwriting. But when he unfolded the plane, he was in for a big surprise. Written in red ink and an ornate font were what he considered the three big words.
I love you.
It was evident that the writer had been laboring over this, but there was something strange about this one: It bore no signature whatsoever, no means of tracking it back to its author. However, he kept it anyway, pondering it all through the night, even through the punk CD he put on shortly after. It was then he looked at the clock. It was eleven, long since time to go to bed. He turned on the fan, got in bed, and invited his Pikachu to hop on the mattress with him, going straight to sleep.
It was late out in the tranquil little village of Pallet Town. Everybody was asleep, even Professor Oak and his lab assistants, who could not hold their liquor as well as they previously assumed. There was nobody up in the entire town. Okay, there was one.
Jessie stared at Ash’s window, a paper airplane in her hand, wondering what to do next. James was not the man she took him for those many, many moons ago, and Butch had proven to be even shallower than the bucket that he dumped on her head a week before she broke up with James. Ash seemed to be the best way out. No matter how much she and her former accomplice put him through, he was always, for the most part, a happy camper. And she had always respected him for always finding one way or another to defeat her.
But come on! thought Jessie. He’s 15 years old and you’re 21! It would never work! And just look at all the bull@$#% you’ve put him through, all for his beloved pet! It’s a minor miracle he’s not bitter!
But she gave it another thought.
Wait up. He’s not bitter. That’s it. He’s always such a happy-go-lucky kid. Nothing ever gets him down forever. That’s why I had this crush on him in the first place. He would be perfect for me. All right, Jessica, let’s do this...
Fire! She tossed the plane, desperately hoping that it reached Ash’s window. She was evidently having trouble containing herself as it flew up to where Ash was sleeping.
“Come on, c’mon, YESSS!”
Suddenly, a light switched on in the nearby lab.
“*groan* Who is iiiiiiit....”
Oh, crap. RUN! Jessie hurried on to Route 1 and prayed she wouldn’t get caught.
The morning light came on not much later, and with it, Ash’s stereo.
Do not like you, college brat,
Do not like you and your frat,
Do not like you at the shore,
I do not like you drunk on Coors!♫
He put on little more than a wifebeater and a pair of baggy pants with a camouflage pattern.
♪Do not like your average life,
Hope you do not take a wife,
Hope you don’t decide to breed
‘Cause that’s one thing I do not need!♫
He went downstairs and noticed that his mother was gone. He took an orange from the fridge and returned to his bedroom, where he began peeling it.
♪Do not like you, radical,
Hate you and your fancy school,
Wrong about the working class,
I hope they kick your Harvard *$%!♫
He looked up at the ceiling. Finally, after four years... Wow...
♪Do not like you, world of ours,
Rather live on Planet Mars,
Die from lack of oxygen
Than breathe the air of other men!
I really oughtta get that checked out. Ash switched the stereo function from CD player to radio, just to see if his show was on. The dialogue was fuzzy, but still recognizable:
“-ever does any one of those things, we’ll be sure to ask you about it on-“
He turned off the radio. The show was just about over anyway. He went downstairs, continuing to work away at that confounded citrus when he heard a voice.
It was Pikachu, with a leash in his mouth.
“Oh. Yeah. Let me go get your collar...”
It was a little struggle getting the leash on, but in little time, Ash was out with his best bud. He was dressed in baggy pants and an undershirt, and he wasn’t wearing shoes. Kinda strange for a morning out on the town, but, well, okay. His trademark hat, which he had worn all those years with his best buds, was still on his desk next to his old photos, and it was pretty evident he hadn’t combed his hair. Not to mention he had an orange in his non-leash hand, which he was happily scarfing away at. Nobody even knew who he was. Even in the town square, nobody recognized him. However, he was kind of suspicious of the nearby shrubbery...
“Hey, Pikachu, you ever get the feeling you’re being... watched?”
“Piiikapiii...” It was evident in Pikachu’s voice that the Pokémon was suspicious, too.
And they had all reason to, for there, in a nearby bush, hid Jessie and her pet Meowth.
“Ya t’ink he read da letter yet?” whispered the insecure feline.
“He will, Meowth, he will,” reassured Jessie.
“So, he’s comin’?”
“Have a little faith, Meowth.”
“Hey, Jessie?” asked Meowth, moving on to more serious matters. “Ya don’t t’ink ‘dis is a bit ...weird, do ya?”
“No, I don’t.”
“I mean, if dose two Empoleons in Jubilife Zoo can do it, den so can I, right?”
Jessie chuckled. “Whatever it is, it can’t be any stranger than a woman of legal drinking age and a three-mile rap sheet trying to hit on a 15-year-old boy. I got no right to complain. But may I ask something?”
“Why do you like the boy’s Pikachu so much?”
“That Pikachu, he always gives it his all. 110% all the way. He’s devoted towards everyt’ing he does and values, be it savin’ ‘is best friends from whaddeva chaos n’ unsoitanty we put ‘em through or givin’ me and da boys a Class A beatin’ for tryin’ ta make off with him for da...”
Meowth began counting on his front toes.
“One.... two.... t’ree... 97,453rd time. Simply put? He ain’t afraid ta show a little gusto. I like dat in an individual.”
“The nut doesn’t fall far from the tree, I’ve noticed.”
It was at this point that Ash and Pikachu decided it was nothing and went back home. Delia was waiting.
“Where were you-” she looked down and realized that Ash was walking Pikachu. “Never mind. You had breakfast, right?”
“Yeah. I took an orange from the fridge.”
Save for a shopping trip and a misdelivered newspaper, the rest of the day wasn’t too eventful. It was only when he retired to his bedroom that he noticed something. There was another paper plane. Hoping he had the same luck as last time, Ash unfolded the plane.
You’re invited to the Viridian Square Ball, 11:00 tonight.
Below this elegant handwriting was a childish scrawl written in purple ink. Ash could barely make it out.
Pleese bring squeekie toy^_^
Strange way of askin’ a person out. he thought. Well, if it’s supposed to be a ball, I might as well dress fancy. He went and took a shower, having enough sense to bring his bathrobe with him. After he got out, he searched his closet for a good-fitting tuxedo. It took a while, but he found one that was just his size. Apparently, his mom had done some planning ahead. Thanks, Mom. You’re a genius. He ran back to the bathroom and combed his hair, turning on the blow-drier, and combing it again for good measure. He put on his necktie, although a little hesitantly, for he had trouble remembering how it was done. He put a leash on his pet, who was no doubt a little confused, though the squeaky toy was encouraging enough that the Pikachu could leave at this hour. At 10:30, he was just about to leave when his mother got curious.
“Ash, why are you walking your Pikachu... this late out... in a tux?”
“I know how little sense this will make, but... I’ve got a secret admirer. She wants me to meet her in Viridian at eleven. I figured I should dress for the occasion.
Delia smiled. “Really. Bring me the letters.”
He went to his room, returning with the second letter.
“...How do you know this is from her?”
He showed her the first letter, leaving it to her to notice the similarities.
“C’mere, you!” she said, holding Ash in a headlock and giving him a merciless noogie.
“Hey, c’mon!” said Ash. “I just combed that! Twice!”
“I knew ya had it in ya, boy!”
A little while later, Ash combed his hair again and was almost at the door when Delia came by with a clip-on bow.
“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to use this.” she said, clipping it onto Pikachu’s collar.
“You’re welcome. Bye, Ash!”
“See ya, Mom!” Ash almost ran out the door, but instead walked out slowly. He wanted to stay calm and collected so he’d leave a good impression on his date.
He walked down Route 1. All he could see were the lights in front and the lights behind. Viridian City seemed so far away, but his faithful pal led the way. They had both gone down this road so many times, but this felt different somehow. They’d gone here for errands, for a good time, even a cast party, on one occasion. But never before had he come here on a date. He felt even more uneasy as the city limits drew closer and closer, seemingly beckoning, promising for a better tomorrow. Then, finally, he was there, He knew not much about this city, but, if anything, he knew the way to the town square.
He made his way to the center of the city, but he didn’t see anybody. I wonder where she is... He looked around for a bit, noticing nothing but a piece of paper stapled to a tree.
I spy, with my little eye...
A CD player on a park bench.
He then noticed a bench by a tall hedge. There was nothing special about this one, except for it had a small boombox on it. He walked up to it and took a good look. There were no clues on it but one: the play button had been colored in with a red Sharpie. I guess this means I press it... He set down his squeak toy, hit play on the CD deck and laid back on the bench. A soothing ambient piece started to play.
Jessie was hiding behind a plant up to this point, recognized the sound. That’s my cue! She gave Meowth the signal and approached Ash slowly, with her pet following. They, too were dressed for the occasion, with a purple dress for Jessie and a blue necktie for Meowth. As they drew closer and closer, Ash began to recognize them. He jumped to his feet, ready to fight, but Jessie and Meowth just stayed calm. Thus, as the two approached, Ash slowly began to let down his guard. For some reason, he felt safe around Jessie now.
As the two stood face to face, Ash took the leap of faith that would change his life. “Jessie? ...Was it really... you?”
Jessie, after finally gathering up the courage, told him the truth.
Ash threw his arms around his lover, holding her tight. Finally, someone at last...
Jessie was surprised, but she returned the favor, gently placing her arms around him.There was hope for me after all...
Beside the loving couple’s feet, their two pets were having a similar conversation. It all started when Pikachu got a little curious.
“Pika, pika, pikapi?” Pikachu asked Meowth, curious as to why he was here.
Meowth, evidently not as secure as his owner, struggled to find the words. “Well, um...”
Pikachu, assuming any and all possibilities, looked up at the two humans and asked another question. “Pikaa, pikapikachu?”
“Well... yeah, frankly.”
And that’s when Pikachu got mad. “Pika pika! Chu! Pikachu! Pikapika pi ka chuuu! Chuu! Pika... pika... chu! Pi-ka!”
“...I know... I’m sorry, Pikachu, I really am... Look, I’d give anyt’ing for us ta be together. An’ I really hoped... ‘dat you felt the same way, too, even with all da stuff I put ya t’rough... way back ‘den...” At this point, Meowth was sobbing so hard that his voice was unintelligible. As his tears fell on the grassy field, Pikachu realized where he himself went wrong. It seemed that Meowth really wanted to change his ways, and Pikachu decided he was willing to accept him for that. He knew this place as well as Ash, for he always hid out here whenever he felt like leaving. He ran out to the fruit planters that were there for the humans.
He looked at all the berries. Among all these, which one was the best peace offering? Oran? Leppa? Aspear? Cheri? It took him a while, but he found a Pecha berry. In his mind, the Pecha berry was the ultimate resolution. He had never seen anyone stay anything but happy while eating one. He picked one off the plant, holding it in his teeth by the leaf.
As he walked up to the crying kitty, he slowly set the berry down.
“Pikachuuu... Pika pi.”
Meowth was evidently surprised at the offering. “*sniff* Really? ...For me?”
Pikachu used his nose to roll it towards its intended recipient. “Pi-ka.”
Meowth picked it up in his front paw and began to eat. As he ate, tears began running down his face again. But these weren’t tears of sorrow. These were tears of joy.
“*sob, sob* Thank, you, Pikachu! I ain’t ever been ‘dis happy in a long time! T’ank you! T’ank ya so much!”
Pikachu walked up to Meowth and rubbed his face against the cat’s cheek before sitting down next to him. And that’s when he remembered the squeaky toy. “Pikapii!”
By the time he could finish, Pikachu was back, with the toy in his mouth.
*squeak, squeak* He spat out the toy. “Chuuu.”
Meowth knew just what to do. “Tug ‘a war?”
Pikachu responded by picking up one end of the squeaky toy.
“All right, ‘den. I got ‘dis end!” *squeak*
Within a minute, the two were fully engaged in their sport. It was during this squeaking, growling bout that Jessie and Ash finally let go.
“Well, it is a ball, right?” asked Ash.
“Yes.” responded Jessie. Shall we dance?”
The two clasped hands and began waltzing together, Jessie an evident old hand, Ash trying hard not to goof up.
♪Let’s dance in style, let’s dance for a while,
Heaven can wait, we’re only watching the sky,
Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst,
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?♫
And yes, he might have erred here and there, but Jessie didn’t mind it. She saw past such things.
♪Let us die young or let us live forever!
We don't have the power but we never say never!
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip.
The music's for the sad men.♫
Ash hadn’t felt like this in such a long time. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this level of restrained euphoria. It didn’t feel like they were on that park, or the world, for that matter.
♪Can you imagine when this race is won?
Turn our golden faces into the sun,
Praising our leaders for getting in tune?
The music's played by the madman.♫
Days and nights may have passed as they danced, he would never have known. He was just happy being with Jessie.
♪Forever young, I want so be forever young.
Do you really wanna live forever?
Forever or never?
Forever young, I want so be forever young.
Do you really wanna live forever,
Forever, forever young.♫
Meanwhile, the match of Tug-Of-War was drawing to a close. The two were both tired and slowly giving out. But it was Pikachu who fell on his stomach and dropped his end of the squeaky toy.
Meowth dropped his end and walked up to Pikachu. “*yawn* Yeah, I’m tired, too...” At that point, he fell asleep, Pikachu soon after.
It was midnight when the Viridian Square Ball came to a close. As the last dance played, the two humans had their first kiss. They held each other tight, both feeling like their hearts were going to explode. It was as if they were pouring their emotions into one another as they pulled one another close. It wasn’t until the song had already ended that their passionate embrace had ceased.
They held each other one more time before picking up their pets. Ash put the squeaky toy in his pocket and volunteered to take the Cd player, but Jessie insisted. They both went down to Pallet Town, blindly navigating Route 1. But somehow, they got there. Relying only on the city lights, they made it to Ash’s house.
“Hey, I’m sorry that the love letters weren’t, umm... standard fare.” Jessie said as they stood behind Ash’s backyard. “I mean, I’m not Cyrano de Bergerac or anything...”
“I know you’re not.” replied Ash. “Cyrano de Bergerac... was nowhere near as beautiful.”
“C’mere, you!” replied Jessie, giving Ash a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “See you tomorrow.”
Ash returned the favor. And then, surprisingly, they both said, in unison “I love you.”
As Ash slowly walked to his bedroom, he set Pikachu on the bed, took off his shoes, and fell asleep right away.
The next morning, it was not his radio that went off, but his DVD player.
“IT LIVES!!! Hiya, Rolf!”
Ash awoke with a start, slowly approaching the DVD player. When he shut it off, he noticed his arm. He was still wearing the tuxedo. Last night wasn’t a dream after all. As he stared at his sleeve, he remembered the night before. It all came rushing back to him, all at full speed. Wow. That night... really happened...
He took off his tuxedo and put on something a little more normal. Then he checked what was up with his electronics. It turned out the power strip was not properly plugged in. He then turned on his radio.
“-drive like my brother.”
“And don’t drive like my brother.”
He had gotten up early enough to catch his radio show. He sat down for a moment when another plane flew through his window, this one simpler than the ones Jessie threw. He would have shrugged it off, were it not that the same person then tossed a photograph.
He unfolded the airplane and took a good look.
If Mom asks, show this0_^
He picked up the photo. It was a picture of Jessie in her Team Rocket uniform. It was autographed by hand.
To Ash Ketchum, who was with me in Viridian Square, with our pets, I swear it.
Ash cracked a smile, stuffed the photo in his pocket, and walked downstairs. His mother had cooked pancakes, which he readily devoured. “Thanks, Mom!”
“Anytime. Hey, how was the date?”
It was clear from the look on Ash’s face that that question needed not be asked.
“So, who’s the lucky lady?”
Ash took a pause before showing Delia the photo. She was stunned to the point where she could not speak. Only the voice on the radio could fill the silence.
“...Were forced to blank at gunpoint.”
“...Shop at Wal-Mart?”
After a long pause, Ash finally spoke.
“Look, I know what you’re thinking... Note to self: Rent ‘Harold And Maude.’”
“...It’s not that, Ash, it’s-*sigh*. I wish I never had to tell this to you but... You know who runs Team Rocket, right?”
“Yeah... A guy called Giovanni.”
“*sigh* Well, Giovanni is... your father.”
This time, it was Ash who was stunned. Again came the everlasting silence, broken only by the radio.
“Scientists have discovered that an aquatic, rope-like creature may have been the first to what?”
“...He was my classmate at school. We were always hard at work, helping out each other when we had questions and problems... One could say that we were two peas in a pod. And when we both graduated from school together, we kept up communications. Then, when I was 20, he... asked me out... I was just so surprised... I couldn’t let him down... At age 30, we felt we could handle a child. So, we had you. And not long after, I learned who he was. I still can’t believe it took me that long to see he was running a criminal organization, let alone one as big as Team $*#&ing Rocket. When I saw how the boss was running things, I left him, and I took you with me. I just couldn’t bring myself to associate you with... him.”
“Look,” said Ash. “You know how mature I am, even for my age.”
“I know. I just, just... don’t want you to learn the same way I did.”
“Mom, Pikachu and I spent a whole hour with her, maybe even longer. It was late at night, and nobody was up. She could have easily pulled something off that night, like she did every other time we met. But she didn’t. That in itself says something about her. She’s willing to change, I just know she is...”
“*Sigh* All right. I-I just-*sigh* ...I understand completely. I respect your choice, and I will always see you as my son, no matter what you may do.”
Somebody began knocking on the door.
“That’s her! I gotta go! Bye, mom!” Ash said, giving his mom a hug. “Hey, Pikachu!”
Pikachu ran up to Ash and climbed onto his shoulder.
He walked up to the door and put his hand on the knob, but before he left, he had one last thing to say.
“See ya, Mom.”
Ash left the house, closing the door behind him.
Last edited by Mackie Messer; 25th April 2011 at 12:53 PM.
22nd May 2009, 04:16 PM
Re: Mother And Child(RedShipping, DiamondShipping, CrazyShipping, PG)
Nice. I'm usually not a ship-story person, but this was executed rather well.
God, I suck at reviews...
Anyway, you did very well at not having a lemon.
Not much more to say...
Originally Posted by Alaska
23rd May 2009, 03:26 PM
Photo ALL of the Pokemon
Re: Mother And Child(RedShipping, DiamondShipping, CrazyShipping, PG)
i loled at Meowth and pikachu and the squeaky toy
20th June 2009, 04:43 AM
Re: Mother And Child(RedShipping, DiamondShipping, CrazyShipping, OneShot, PG)
20th June 2009, 05:02 AM
Re: Mother And Child(RedShipping, DiamondShipping, CrazyShipping, OneShot, PG)
LOL I loved this. I love one-shots, and there aren't many one here...so yea. I liked it.