The Most Wonderful Time

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    Badass office lady Nekusagi's Avatar
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    Default The Most Wonderful Time

    Okay... after a ton of procrastination, I finally wrote my annual Christmas special. As always, it stars my usual cast of characters (Nekou, Hitoshi, Kali, Wendy, Giovanni, Sebastian, Persian), and as always it's going to have four chapters... since today is the 22nd I'm pretty much posting these every day as I write them, with the final chapter on Christmas Day this year, instead of going on a weekly schedule as last year.

    That said, enjoy the fic!

    ****************************************************************

    Chapter 1: Here We Go a Wassailing

    "YOU. ARE. ALL. IDIOTS." In an attic in Team Rocket headquarters in Viridian City, a brown haired girl brandished a rubber-banded bundle of forms at two frightened men and a ghost.

    Nekou Loki Usagi was not pleased. Leave it to her department to thoroughly ruin the holidays for her more than they already had been... yes, leave it to them. Three days till Christmas and out of nowhere... this.

    "Um, if it makes you feel any better, Miss Nekou-" the black haired one began.
    "Don't call me that," Nekou snapped. She hated being called Miss anything.

    "-Right, if it makes you feel any better, Nekou, there's only half the work we had last year."

    Nekou thumbed through the papers, the red band that bound them vibrating gently as she did so.

    "Right, right, Asagi, only half-" she said, slightly mellowed now.

    Asagi and his partner in crime, Ruiza, exchanged relieved glances with each other, ones that recognized the Usagi Threat Level color had dropped back from orange to yellow.

    "-only half?" Nekou asked, and she snapped back up from the papers, staring directly at the two. Yasuka, the ghost present, winked at the two. "Have fun," she whispered, floating off quickly, as the reactions of the two went from relieved back to something along the lines of oh-holy-crap-we're-gonna-die.

    "Um," Ruiza began, "I think that's what Asagi said..."

    "ONLY HALF? That's like saying 'it's only a flesh wound'!" Nekou said. "Which is what SOMEONE here is going to have if you two don't stop standing around staring at me like a couple of beached Magikarp. Now either help me out with this stuff or get the hell out of here."

    This time it was Ruiza who initiated the awkward glance. The two looked at the angry Rocket staring them down. Her loyal Sneasel, Kali, perched in her regular spot on her shoulder. Given the Pokemon's presence, the threat of flesh wounds was a very real possibility.

    "Y-yes ma'am!" they both said and quickly found their way to the trapdoor ladder leading out of the Covert Operations main offices.

    "And don't come back!" Nekou said, then facepalmed. Why the hell did I give them a choice? she thought. Nekou shook her head then gently lifted Kali off her shoulder and set her down on the floor. "Okay, Kali," she said. "I am going to clean up the mess those two... wastrels... left, then head to my office and get this work done... argh." The scene from earlier was a worst case scenario to say the least. Nekou had set the Covert Operations Christmas party for today, because the next two days she had PLANNED to get some things tied up before year's end to hopefully secure a nice holiday bonus before the Team all got off for the holidays till the new year, and Asagi and Ruiza had picked that party, right after the Secret Santa exchange, to spring the unfinished forms on her, ruining the party as well as her Christmas. Now all that remained of a once jolly fete was a mess of half eaten cookies, an empty eggnog carton, and some crumpled Doritos bags.

    Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff, Nekou thought, scooping the trash off the table and carrying it to the trash can. There was a knock on the trapdoor.

    If this is Asagi or Ruiza so help me... Nekou thought, moving away from the door's location on the floor. "Come on in," she said, irritated. Her irritation lessened upon seeing the face of Hitoshi, her boyfriend.

    "What, no mistletoe?" Hitoshi asked, looking up.

    "Not now, Hito," Nekou said, then eased up upon seeing Hitoshi's slightly disappointed expression. "Besides, since when have I needed mistletoe to do this?" she asked, surprising him with a kiss on the cheek. Hitoshi blushed then adjusted his glasses. "What do you need?"

    "Some help," Hitoshi said.

    "Oh?" Nekou asked.

    "Well, the Professor is getting really sick of Namba's little Santa plots every year..."

    "You mean, the whole killing Santa thing?"

    "Yeah," Hitoshi said. "So he asked me to, well, pretty much keep a better eye on him this year and report to him immediately when anything suspicious happened. And, well... I sort of said you'd help too."

    Nekou looked at the paperwork she'd laid on the table minutes ago and then at Hitoshi. Considering Namba had a reputation among the Team for being- well, "eccentric" was too kind a word, "watching" him shouldn't be too tall an order... besides, whenever Asagi and Ruiza showed their faces again she could just press THEM into service on her work they'd so generously given her as a Christmas present.
    And who was Nekou to pass up a chance to bond with Hitoshi?

    "Tell me more," Nekou said.

    Kali looked up at her human. Two humans talking, and it'd probably be going on for a while. Now that the Girl was distracted...

    Kali slunk down the ladder. The Persian always had cream this time of year and his human was always drunk around now...

    ~

    "Wendy," Giovanni said, his eyes narrowed at her, "why in Giratina's seven hells would I be giving you, of all people, a holiday bonus?

    Wendy thought hard. There was the fact Team Rocket would be sunk without her crack clerical skills, the fact she always showed up no matter how much crap she took from the other ungrateful members... on the other hand, she also more or less spent a great deal of her time hassling her superior over proper filing procedures (and well, he SHOULD know them by now), and given his expression, now was a good time for a retreat, she realized.

    "Well, sir," she said, "if you change your mind, I'm the first in line." She turned sharply, nodded at Professor Sebastian, who'd spent the last ten minutes in the office listening to her making her case to Giovanni for her bonus, and then in a slight huff left, muttering something under her breath.

    "What is with that woman?" Sebastian asked. "I know she's Wendy, but this..."

    "Last month she went with the rest of Human Resources to some musical," Giovanni said. "She's not been the same way since."

    "What musical?" Sebastian asked.

    "I forget the title, Giovanni replied. "I think it was... Your Mom, or something." He returned to the work he'd been doing before Wendy's verbal assault on him. "Now, Sebastian... what was it you wanted to say, before that harpy came in here and started complaining?"

    "It's Namba. Something HAS to be done about him," Sebastian said.

    "Duly noted," Giovanni replied.

    "...You're not going to do anything, are you?" Sebastian asked. He was a bit miffed at his friend right now...

    "Sebastian, I'd love to do something about Namba, but it was agreed after my mother died that all of the research department would be in your hands. I have enough to worry about now without that old coot trying to shoot a fairytale out of the sky."
    As Giovanni explained that to Sebastian, Persian's nose pricked slightly. A familiar smell had entered the room, apparently as Wendy took her leave... He raised his head from his paws and noticed a round, familiar face, her eyes glowing red.

    Kali beckoned to Persian with one long claw. Persian glanced up at the Man, who was distracted, and nodded, quietly creeping to the door and wedging one paw under it, managing to open it. The two clawed Pokemon slipped silently out of the office.

    "...and besides, I think you're quite capable of telling the man off," Giovanni finished. "I wish I could chat a little more, Sebastian, but I honestly have to finish this paperwork right now..." He muttered curses under his breath, which Sebastian had no doubt were aimed at Wendy. "How quickly time passes..." He reached under his desk to pat Persian's head, but felt nothing there. Looking up, he noticed the slightly opened door. "Persian? Damn it, he got out again," he said.

    "Should I tell anyone?" Sebastian asked.

    "Don't bother. He'll come running back here once he gets hungry," Giovanni said.
    "Like always."

    "If you say so," Sebastian said, glancing at his watch. "I'm going to get lunch. Do you want me to bring you anything?"

    "No, thanks," Giovanni said. "I can't say I'm hungry right now." He looked out the window behind him... the streets were covered with snow, as they always were this time of year, the alley Persian were frolicking with the wild Sneasel, his desk was covered with a different kind of white, and everything was in its place. The utter order that could be found in the Christmas season comforted Giovanni. In all honesty... he COULD do something about Namba, but the constant of Namba, as well as Wendy's, annual pestering also brought him comfort...

    ~

    Wendy sat at her desk, talking absentmindedly to Mr. Clippy on her computer screen. She knew the crudely animated paperclip really couldn't help her, but it brought her comfort- Mr. Clippy always had plenty of suggestions when she typed a question in his word bank, was always friendly, and never talked back or complained. He was an island of sanity in a sea of idiots.

    "They're all so ungrateful," Wendy said. "All the paperwork in Team Rocket leaves in my outbox, and returns in my inbox. It's a circle of life. I'm the gatekeeper to the clerical division.. don't they realize I'm the grease that keeps the gears turning... the necessary middleman... the very thing keeping this team afloat?" She stabbed her ballpoint pen into the yellow legal pad she'd been taking notes on, nearly stabbing straight though to the desk. When she pulled the pen out of the paper, she looked up to see a short, bald, elderly man standing in front of her desk.

    "Having a pleasant conversation there, Wendy?"

    "Doctor Fernando," she said, in her mock sweet voice. "So nice to see you this holiday evening..."

    "It's NAMBA, dammit!" Namba said, furious his name had once again been screwed up. "Namba!"

    "Right, Dr. Namba," Wendy said, correcting herself. "What can I do for you?"

    "This," Namba said, pulling out a large manilla folder of papers.

    "What exactly is 'this'?" Wendy asked, raising one green eyebrow.

    "This, Wendy, is my present to you. Merry Christmas. I've got those reports done you asked for."

    Wendy headdesked. "Doctor... with all due respect... can they wait?"

    "Oh, Wendy?" Namba asked mockingly.

    Wendy raised her forehead off the desk. "It's just that.. I work all night, I work all day to pay the bills I have to pay..." She returned her head to its prior position.

    "Ain't it sad?" Namba asked. "Poor woman... I SUPPOSE we can come to an agreement however... to lessen your work?"

    Wendy looked back up. "If that's the case, sir... I'm all ears."

    ~
    Kali and Persian walked through the snow outside the building. It was nice to have some alone time together...

    Persian's big ears perked up.

    <Did you hear that?> Persian asked Kali.

    <What, that "nya" sound?> Kali asked.

    <Yes, that> Persian replied.

    <I thought it was you,> Kali said.

    <It wasn't,> Persian said. <I think we should investigate.>

    Kali nodded at Persian and followed behind him.

    ~
    As Nekou followed Hitoshi down the hall, she realized something was missing. "Hito, have you seen Kali?"

    "Nope," Hitoshi said. "Sorry."

    Nekou sighed. "She'll come back when she's hungry," Nekou said, hoping she was right.

    ~END OF CHAPTER 1~
    Last edited by Nekusagi; 22nd December 2008 at 09:24 PM. Reason: wall o text- thanks Nando
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  2. #2
    black sheep Evil Raichu's Avatar
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    Yay, I've been waiting for this! I look forward to your Christmas fic every year. ^_^

    LOL at "Your Mom". I think I know what that really is.

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    ~green~ Maybe Wednesday's Avatar
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    Love the ABBA reference-Money, Money, Money. Great job, I ought to do something like this...You've inspired me!
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    i (N) monsters Jayc's Avatar
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    Sorry. I could hardly carry on reading after "...Your Mom." And Mr. Clippy? Good Arceus.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nekusagi
    Mr. Clippy always had plenty of suggestions when she typed a question in his word bank, was always friendly, and never talked back or complained. He was an island of sanity in a sea of idiots.
    To say that I lol'd at this one would be the understatement of the year.

    Man, Neku, you have a great sense of humour that I can only wish for.

    Quote Originally Posted by Evil Raichu
    LOL at "Your Mom". I think I know what that really is.
    What?

    At any rate, the writing of the conversations feels smooth and the pace is just nice, which is rather rare, to say the least. Like that mistletoe comment. It just... feels sort of natural.
    Last edited by Jayc; 22nd December 2008 at 09:23 PM.

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    DOES IT VIA COPY/PASTE Æsahættr's Avatar
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    I was grinning like an idiot throughout. <3<3<3

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    One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.

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    black sheep Evil Raichu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jayc
    What?
    D:

    Well, I thought it was a reference to Mamma Mia!

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    Badass office lady Nekusagi's Avatar
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    Raichu's right.

    It's a running joke throughout with Wendy. Dragon User X got it.
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    Ah, Neku's Christmas fic. I do hope you continue since I am looking forward to more of Namba!
    Quote Originally Posted by Witchboi View Post
    And the people who are like a penis goes in a vagina, I can't remember the last wedding i was at where the reverand said do you take this penis for your vagina.
    YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!?

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    pokemon anon kink meme! careful it's rated 'r' for 'really sexy'

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    Oh boy. There will be more. Much moar.
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    xD Nice. "He was an island of sanity in a sea of idiots." That is my favoritest line ever so far. :D


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    Badass office lady Nekusagi's Avatar
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    Sorry for the delay, you guys; the chapters are taking a bit longer than I thought. I'll be done, though I can't promise the final chapter will be on Christmas. :(

    EDIT: And here is chapter 2!
    ******************************************
    Chapter 2: Carol of the Bells

    Nekou was beginning why she'd allowed Hitoshi to drag her into this.

    "Let me get this straight, Hitoshi. We're supposed to innocently watch every move he makes."

    "Pretty much, yes," Hitoshi replied. "And the moment the old man does anything the least bit suspicious, alert the Professor. That's it."

    Nekou shook her head. "I really hope this works," she said.

    "Why wouldn't it?" Hitoshi asked.

    "Don't you think the doctor would catch on after a while that his every move was being monitored?" Nekou asked, wondering why Hitoshi hadn't caught on yet. Maybe it was just her nature to be much less trusting than he was- she had, after all, ended up where she was now after being abandoned then mistaken for a spy, among other indignities- but while she'd admit as much as any other Rocket that yes, Namba was certfiable, he also wasn't stupid.

    "Oh, how little you know," Hitoshi said, smirking at her. "The closer it gets to Christmas, the weirder he gets. The more obvious he gets." He winked at Nekou. "Why do you think he's never succeeded?"

    Aside from the fact Santa's not real?
    Nekou thought, once again finding herself questioning the sanity of those around her. "Bad luck?" she asked.

    "The worst," Hitoshi replied. "Now, here's your headset... if you see anything weird outside of his initial briefing- which is always a WTF-fest- duck into an inobvious place, turn it on, and report it. Professor Sebastian's keeping a log of everything we say recorded, I'm assuming he's going to embarrass the crap out of Namba with it. Now... the most important thing of all... for god's sake, Nekou, play along."

    "Right," Nekou said, as she entered the lab.

    ~

    "Wendy, I'm happy you agreed to aid me this year. This will be the year the threat in the red suit is eradicated, mark my words..."

    I only agreed because you practically blackmailed me, Wendy thought. And what is he talking about?

    "Doctor, your talents are known throughout Team Rocket. It's an honor to be working alongside you," she began in her sickeningly sweet voice. "Honestly, I heard about you before, and I wanted to know some more."

    "I never knew you held me in such high regard," Namba said. "I'm quite flattered, Wendy. Now. Your assignment... is to help me rid the world... of THIS." Namba produced a Christmas card, one Wendy recognized immediately as Giovanni's card he sent to all the department heads. It bore an old-timey illustration of Santa Claus, feeding a Stantler out of his hand.

    "Stantler?" Wendy asked, puzzled. "Are they.. causing problems somewhere?"

    "No, no, woman!" Namba said. "Are you blind?" Namba turned, shook his head, then turned to Wendy again. "Are you blind?"

    Wendy looked at the card again. There were only two figures on there. Santa, Stantler... she couldn't believe it. Unless Namba had some kind of weird vendetta against stables...

    "Sir... you don't mean... SANTA CLAUS? Father Christmas? Saint Nicolas?"

    "The one and only," Namba said. "Regardless of what alias he works under... he is a threat to the operations of the Team, and a threat to us all." He slammed the card down on a desk in the room and pointed to the computer. "Say hello to your new best friend for the duration of this mission. I assume you are adept at spreadsheets?"

    "Yes," Wendy said, wondering where this was going.

    "Good. I need you to use it to map out the coordinates of Santa's flight. We must have EVERY LAST DETAIL of this perfect. Every last one. Everything you need is in that notebook by the computer. I expect you to have the first part of the assignment done by the time I return from briefing the department. Just get that first page in there, understood?"

    Suddenly, those papers that had her name on them seemed awfully attractive to Wendy, compared to this madness. But a deal was a deal...

    "Yes, sir," Wendy replied, taking a seat. Mama mia, she thought to herself, here I go again.

    ~

    Giovanni was bored. With Persian deciding to take a walk without him for a while, the ball of yarn in the drawer of his desk was rendered absolutely worthless... He picked up the phone and dialed the extension for research.

    "Sebastian," he said.

    "Yes?" Sebastian asked, in a tense voice that implied he really didn't want to be there right now.

    "I'm bored," Giovanni complained. "Mind if I come down there?"

    "Not now," Sebastian said. "I'm in the middle of some very important business. Check your email... I forwarded you some things."

    Giovanni hung up the phone then opened his email inbox. But instead of finding the expected things from Sebastian as he anticipated... a rather urgent looking message greeted him.

    REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP
    , read the subject line.

    All caps, the Rocket leader realized. It must be important. He opened the missive and began reading.

    Dear Sir or Madam:
    I am a deposed Almian prince who has a large sum of money in need of transfer through various banks. In exchange for your kind aid in allowing me to borrow your bank account number for this time period, I promise you a large cut later on...


    Giovanni's eyes lit up. ROYALTY, asking him for help? And for money, no less? Yes, he would certainly attend to this...

    He continued reading through the document, visions of a windfall dancing in his head... once again he picked up the phone, this time to call Wendy.

    "Come on, pick it up... damn."

    Wendy's voice mail picked up. "Hello, you've reached my voicemail! If you're hearing this it means I'm not in the office, so please leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as possible, okay?"

    Giovanni waited for the beep then left his message. "Wendy, whenever you can get back to me, I just received an important message I want you to look into." He hung up the phone, and returned to his inbox. Christmas cards, Christmas cards, Christmas cards... but Sebastian's important message seemed nowhere to be found.

    "Hm, what's this? Something from Namba?"

    ~

    "Ah, Hitoshi. THERE you are," Namba said. "And who would this be?" he asked, noticing Nekou beside him.

    "That's my girlfriend Nekou, Doctor," Hitoshi said. "She was kind enough to agree to help us." He nudged Nekou with his foot. Nekou quickly got the message.

    "Oh, Doctor," she said, extending your hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

    Namba ignored the gesture and turned away from the two. "Well, time's a wasting, down to business," he said to the Rockets gathered in the room. "Now... I assume we all know why we're here." He pulled a telescoping pointer from his pocket, extended it, and pointed it at a chart in the middle of the room. "THIS," he said, "is the enemy. Santa Claus."

    Nekou couldn't believe what she was seeing. She'd heard of Namba's craziness before, but always figured this was just how he killed time before Christmas. This, however, was not how a man killing time acted. This was a man with CONVICTION.

    And there was nothing more dangerous than a crazy man with conviction, Nekou realized. This man... she thought. Clearly, he is a living treasure, in his own insanity.

    "Yes," Namba continued, "Santa Claus. The single greatest threat to Team Rocket, and yet SOME PEOPLE choose to ignore it, attached to their childhood sentiment, letting it blind them to the true danger we face... watching children, making lists of them... clearly not a man to be trusted."

    "Wake me up when it's over," Hitoshi told Nekou. "He does this every year."

    Hitoshi puts up with this every year?
    Nekou thought.

    "And yet, and yet..." Namba said, his voice becoming more intense with every word, "he goes unchecked. Parents take their children to see him every season, to sit on his lap and tell him all their secrets, teach them to wait for him every year and accept his bribes for presents in exchange for compliance... allow him to stand on street corners, taking money for his plans..."

    "Sir, I really think they're just collecting for the poor-" Nekou blurted without thinking. Hitoshi elbowed her sharply and she quickly realized her mistake. Unfortunately, it was too late. Namba stared at her, his glare pinning her to her spot.

    "You," Namba said. The old man was incredibly intimidating when he wanted to be...

    "...Yes?" Nekou managed to squeak out.

    "Am I to believe you have fallen for the red suited menace's wiles? For his lies? For his innocent front of charity and altruism?"

    Nekou opened her mouth to speak but Hitoshi stepped on her foot to stop her. "Mmmf," she replied.

    "It was inevitable, I suppose.. you are the new one, am I right?"

    Nekou nodded. This was a crazy old man, at the height of craziness. She knew better than to push her luck with him.

    "Good... then there is hope for you... I'll teach you the truth about Santa yet." Namba returned to his charts. "Now we all know why Claus must be eradicated. His mission is clear. World domination. And that makes him a threat to us. One which, woefully, I am the only one around here aware of." He smacked the pointer against the chart, making a loud snapping noise. "So it's up to me to make up for it. Professor Sebastian and Giovanni... they try to stop me every year.. but they'll thank me for this one day. One day...." he said, his voice lowering to a growl. "And if I find any of you trying to ruin my plans this year, so help me Arceus..."

    Hitoshi, not liking where this was headed, quickly spoke up to distract Namba from his ramblings. "Sir, perhaps we should receive our briefing now?"

    "Ah yes... the briefing... do forgive me, Hitoshi..." He returned to the chart and turned the page.

    "Now... my intelligence this year has informed me the elves are extra active this time of year... I have developed a foolproof plan, based on coordinates, to track the sleigh this year. Pay attention, all of you!"

    ~

    Persian and Kali followed the sound of the "nya", still not sure where it was coming from. Persian's nose pricked up.

    <Over here!> Persian said, pointing his paw at a small crate in the alley.

    <Hm?> Kali asked. She followed Persian over to the crate, full of snow. The sounds grew louder.

    "Nyanyanyanyanyaaaaaaa...."

    It didn't take long for both of them to realize what was going on.

    <Something is buried there! In the snow!> Persian said.

    <Let's get it out!> Kali replied.

    Persian dug his huge furry paws into the snow and began digging. Kali joined in with her claws. The snow flew from the two cats' combined efforts.

    "NYA!"

    Kali and Persian looked at the recovered Pokemon. A young pink Skitty shivered in the crate.

    "Nyaa nyaaa?"

    Kali could feel her maternal Sneasel instincts kicking in.

    <It's only a baby... I think she's been separated from her mother.>

    Persian looked at Skitty's tiny closed eyes and the memories came rushing in... before The Man found him... when he was just The Boy... he'd been separated from his mother... on a winter night like this... exactly like this...

    <We have to find her mother,> Persian said.

    Kali nodded. <Agreed,> she said. <Come with us,> she told the Skitty. <We'll find your mommy.>

    The Skitty gratefully nuzzled Kali. "Nya!"

    ~

    Back in Namba's office, Wendy was talking on the phone...

    "Yes, I've got it... this is going to be much easier than we thought. Everything is falling into place." She smiled and took some notes. "Yes sir. I'm right on it."

    ~End of Chapter 2~
    Last edited by Nekusagi; 24th December 2008 at 01:36 PM. Reason: added Chapter 2
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  12. #12
    black sheep Evil Raichu's Avatar
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    I love Namba! More!

    Feed me.

  13. #13
    Badass office lady Nekusagi's Avatar
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    Crazy Namba is crazy.

    And I really hope I can give a tidy resolution to the kitties' subplot. I really want to add a heartwarming touch to all the snark in this, and I hope it works out.
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    A bitch lives as free as a bird that can never be caught. I'm a bitch. I'll crush anyone that stands in my way! And I do what the hell I want!

  14. #14
    i'm wide awake Felly's Avatar
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    Aw. I never thought of Persian being such a kind hearted person to the Skitty. :3 It's so cute! :D Nice work, Neku.


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  15. #15
    Badass office lady Nekusagi's Avatar
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    Sigh...

    Okay, guys. I think an apology is DEFINITELY in order. The fic's not dead, it's just that it's been a busy holiday season and I got an admittedly late start this year. The final two chapters WILL be up by New Year's Eve, even if it kills me.

    Besides, there's no harm in stretching the season a little, is there?
    LJ~dA~R100~YT~Twitter~Facebook~Last.fm~Tumblr~Glacidia Network


    A bitch lives as free as a bird that can never be caught. I'm a bitch. I'll crush anyone that stands in my way! And I do what the hell I want!

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