27th November 2012, 04:43 AM #1
This is rated mature, because it is less... cartoony as the game and anime. It has more violence and is more realistic. Beware; Read with caution... or do not read at all.
Chapter One: Breaking Trust
"Arceus... You have to stop... You have to... spare us!" Katon braces himself from the light, from the blazing fire illuminating the dark night sky. The fire surrounds Arceus, who is now enraged. "Why... are you... doing this?" Katon asks. "AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Screams Arceus. "How dare you define nature... not only once... but TWICE???!!!" Katon buries his face into his hands. "I knew we shouldnt have done it... I told them not to...But they forced me! At gunfire!" Arceus iradiates with a fresh batch of anger.
"AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!" he screams. "You are messing with forces you do not understand! I created Mew, so it could restore order to every creature... It shares a bond with everything!!! And what do you humans do? You capture it and use its power to create your own creature... Half as powerful as me! You do not have the authority to play god... I AM GOD!!!" Katon backs away, and falls over a device. Arceus's flames have destroyed atleast half of the laboratory. "Then, when the creature, is calmed down, and put into the wild, what do you do? HUH?" Katon starts shaking. He doesnt know what to say or do.
"You recapture it... YOU RECAPTURE IT!" Arceus burns at least another quarter of the Laboratory. "AND WHAT DO YOU DO..." Katon tries to get up, but falls again, still shaking. "YOU CREATE ANOTHER CREATURE!!! 1000x STRONGER THAN MEWTWO... STRONGER THEN ME... WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO..." Katon realised he was dead. He jumped up and ran. Not only ran but sprinted.
Katon stopped breathing... he was so petrified, that he forgot how to breath. Suddenly, Katon felt very hot. He thought he was just hot from running... But he wasnt... HE WAS HOT!!! He turned around, to see a massive Orangey Red fire ball. He didn't even get to scream.
Last edited by spagzter; 27th November 2012 at 05:00 AM.
10th December 2012, 08:52 PM #2
official twinkies model
what the fuck is even going on
i get confused as to who is talking sometimes and too much action all in one chapter and i don't even know who the main character is or what's happening is there supposed to be a prequel to this i don't knOW.
i would actually really critique this, but for a start, you could tone down on caps and exclamation points and actually explain some of the action. there is no detail, no nothing. come on, show us some of the skill i know you have.
"park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me."