Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

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    Creative Co-Author AlexK2013's Avatar
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    Default Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    Author's Note: I have also been doing this story on the WBO (World Beyblade Organization), an international Beyblade fan community, of which I am also a member since the Summer of 2011.

    Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade, but Takara-Tomy does!

    Prologue

    Long ago, in the ancient city of Tollan, a Beyblade containing the power and essence of the feathered serpent, Quetzalcoatl, was created by the high priests of the city. This Beyblade, also named after Quetzalcoatl, has proven to be more powerful than any other Beyblade made before it. Fearing the use of the sacred Bey for malevolent purposes, the priests had it locked away in an underground temple, protected by guardians of obsidian. Soon after, a prophecy has surfaced, stating that in 1000 years, a group of strangers shall come forth to the city from beyond, and a "Chosen One" among those strangers would find Quetzalcoatl, and claim mastery over its sacred power. Most people in the city didn't think that this prophecy might come true, considering that the obsidian warriors created to keep guard over the Bey would not be thwarted so easily. But, the priests knew all too well that prophecies are not to be taken lightly. Even after people abandoned the city, the Quetzalcoatl Beyblade, guarded by the obsidian warriors, lies within the inner sanctum of the underground temple, waiting for its "Chosen One" to claim it...



    Act 1: Enter Alexander Arkwright

    It was the summer of 1900 in the United States of America, and our hero, a young, peach-skinned, blue-eyed brunette of twelve years named Alexander Arkwright (Alex for short), had just gotten out of school, along with his classmates. He has a taste for the wonders of the ancient world, in spite of being easily bored in class. His father, Henry Arkwright, is an archaeologist, and because of him, he is interested in the ancient world. He got home, as his mother asks him, "How was school, Alex?", to which he replied, "Boring as usual, mum, but thankfully, it's the last day of school for the summer! I'm going to miss reading all these books about the ancient civilizations there at the school library, though."

    She nodded in understanding, as she then says, "You know, your father is going to lead an expedition in South America to find the lost city of Tollan", with a smile, as she then continued, "And guess what? He is inviting you to come along for the ride!", and at that statement, Alex started jumping for joy, happy that he would be joining his father on an archaeological expedition for once. Usually, when his father would come back from an expedition, he brings home a souvenir for him. Just as Alex stopped doing so to catch his breath, his father walked in with a smile on his face. "Hello, honey", started Mrs. Arkwright, "Did they approve of the expedition?", at which he gave a nod for "yes", as he then added, "Though they're not too sure about having Alex come along, but rest assured, he will come along, won't you, son?", to which he replies eagerly, "Yes! I'm going with you! I can't wait to see what we'll find at Tollan!", as his mother responds calmly, "I'm sure you will, son."

    The next day, it was time for Alex and Henry to meet with the other members of the expedition for the trip to come. They meet the archaeologists at the train station, as they went aboard the train to South America. After many long hours of travelling, they arrive in South America, ready to start the search for the city of Tollan. Thankfully, there was an old map that leads to Tollan, found in an earlier expedition that was also lead by Henry. They trudged their way through the jungle, making absolutely certain that they read the map correctly. As they traveled through the jungle, Henry decided to tell his son about Quetzalcoatl. Alex listened on in interest, as his father wove a tale about a feathered serpent god, a metal spinning top created to hold its power, and an underground temple where it is locked up and guarded by warriors of obsidian. He remarks, "You know, a story like this would make a good novel, don't you think?", as his father nodded in agreement. After two days of trudging through the jungle, the team eventually stumbled upon the ruins of a city never seen before; They found the lost city of Tollan. "Wow...", said an awestruck Alex, "So this city isn't just a legend. It's real..."

    Chapter End

    So, what do you think, guys? If you give this story reviews, then I will gladly put up new chapters! :)
    Last edited by AlexK2013; 1st June 2012 at 07:15 PM.
    Check out my Beyblade site: http//:beyblademania.weebly.com

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    Starting comment; is Alex based on who I think he is?

    Second: I like the time setting, and it doesn't seem like this story is cliche.

    Advice: The next chapter should use a little more detail, so the other readers can form a thicker picture in their minds. Like describing the area around the characters, and what the other characters (who appear in the later chapters) are wearing?

    I'd like to see the next chapter, update soon if possible!
    :D

    Oh, and a battle scene, I'd like that.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    Act 2: The Underground Temple

    "Now that we're here", started Henry, "Let's see what we can find at this city", as he, Alex, and the other archaeologists went to work, reading the symbols on the ruined structures, finding fabulous treasures, and locating the entrance to the underground temple. They've deciphered the symbols, found plenty of treasure (as well as some strange metal tops), but no entrance to the underground temple. Just when they were going to give up on finding the temple, Alex had gotten an idea, "What if the entrance to the temple was disguised as a well?", at which his father replied, "Now there's an idea, son! I recall seeing a well near the temple of the high priests. Perhaps we could find the secret entrance there!". Kenneth Phelps, a fellow archaeologist remarks, "Well, what are we waiting for, fellows? Let's investigate that well!", as they went to where the temple of the high priests are, and found the well. Alex yells into it, "Hello?! Anyone down there?!", as it echoed back. Little did he know, is that the call awakened something, deep within the bowels of the underground temple. Five obsidian statues that resemble Aztec Jaguar warriors were all standing in a row, when suddenly, they came to life, knowing that someone had come to have found the entrance to the temple. The archaeologists lowered a rope into the dark entrance below. Each lit up a lantern, so that they would see their way through the darkened corridors of the temple. One by one, the archaeologists, including Alex, climbed down the rope into the resting place of Quetzalcoatl.

    The group slowly walked their way through the hallways, taking in the sights of the carvings on the walls, depicting the history of Quetzalcoatl. Darrel S. DeLynch, another one of Henry's fellow archaeologists, asks fearfully, "What if the obsidian guardians find us? They might cut our hearts out to sacrifice us!", at which a deep, strong, intimidating voice booms out of nowhere. In perfect English, it replies to Darrel's statement, "Actually, pale-faced mortal, that job only applies to the high priests of the city!". At the sound of the voice, Henry gasps, "Who said that?!", to which another foreign voice says back ominously, "Right behind you all...", as the group turned around slowly...to see the five living obsidian statues standing in front of them, in fighting poses with weapons at the ready. "The obsidian warriors...", Alex gasped in awe, as his father calmly explained to the large warrior statues, "Great obsidian guardians, we mean no harm. We have come to study the temple, and to discover the secrets that lie within.", to which another one of the warriors replied gruffly, "Liars! You have come steal Quetzalcoatl from its resting place!", pulling out a sharp, obsidian-tipped spear.

    Just as the warriors seemed ready to attack, an authoritative female voice calls out, "Warriors, stand down!", as its owner stepped forward from the shadows; a tall, tan-skinned woman with voluptuous curves, especially on her well-endowed chest. She is also dressed in the kind of clothing worn by the high priests. Her hair is a deep black, and reaches down to her posterior region. "Lady Tlaneci!", gasped the warriors, as they knelt down respectfully. The priestess, known as Tlaneci, asks the archaeologists, "May I ask you strangers, on how you have managed to find your way to this city?", to which Henry replied, "We have found our way to this place, by the way of an ancient map that we have found in an earlier expedition that I have lead.", as he showed her the map to Tollan. "I am not that surprised, to tell you the truth, at how you've followed the map. What I am surprised at, however, is how you've managed to find it, for my fellow priests and I had hidden that map well enough to prevent those vile Conquistadors from finding it, and for good reason.", she remarked, looking over the map.

    Alex blushed, seeing how beautiful Tlaneci is, hid behind his father shyly. She saw this, and asks Henry with a smile, "Oh, and who is this young boy?", as he replied, "That would be my son, Alexander. Alex for short.", before whispering to him, "Say hello, Alex.", as he slowly drew out from behind Henry, waving "hello" to the priestess nervously. She knelt down to his eye level, giving him a reassuring smile, as he remarks, "You know, Tlaneci, you're quite beautiful.", at which she replies with a giggle, "Why, thank you kindly, young Alexander.", before standing back up. She turned towards the obsidian warriors, and calmly ordered to them, "Lead us to the chamber, obsidian warriors.", as they dutifully replied in unison, "Yes, Lady Tlaneci.", getting up, and proceeding to guide the group through the dusty, inscribed halls of the temple, before finally coming upon the inner sanctum, a chamber where the Beyblade of Quetzalcoatl rests, embedded in the stone wall. "We have arrived at the resting place of Quetzalcoatl.", announced Tlaneci, before ushering Alex to step forward towards the wall, having a hunch that he might be the "Chosen One"...

    Chapter End
    Last edited by AlexK2013; 2nd June 2012 at 04:27 PM.
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  4. #4
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    Just read both chapters, and gotta say this sonds like it could turn into something BIG! There are a few things that I can see though.

    I have to say, the plot itself is very good. You seem to have a solid plot going here, and seems like it might be leeading up to something, having Alex be "the chosen one"

    Grammer wise, your writing could use some work, but don't worry, we all start somewhere! When people are talking, create a new paragraph whenever a new person speaks. for example, this:

    The group slowly walked their way through the hallways, taking in the sights of the carvings on the wall, depicting the history of Quetzalcoatl. Darrel S. DeLynch, another one of Henry's fellow archaeologists, asks fearfully, "What if the obsidian guardians find us? They might cut our hearts out to sacrifice us!", at which a deep, strong, intimidating voice replies out of nowhere.

    In perfect English, the voive spoke, "Actually, pale-faced mortal, that job only applies to the high priests of the city!".

    At the sound of the voice, Henry demands, "Who said that?!"

    Another foreign voice says back ominously, "Right behind you all...", as the group turned around slowly...to see the five living obsidian statues standing in front of them, in fighting poses with weapons at the ready.

    "The obsidian warriors...", Alex gasped in awe, as his father calmly explained to the great statues.

    "Great obsidian warriors, we mean no harm. We have come to study the temple, and to discover the secrets that lie within."

    Yet another one of the warriors replied gruffly, "Liars! You have come steal Quetzalcoatl from its resting place!", pulling out a sharp, obsidian-tipped spear.

    Seee how much of a difference that makes?

    As for description, your doing ok, but theres definately room you can improve on. As far as I know right now, Alex is a 12 year old stickfigure with brunnette hair. You have to add details to give readers a sense of what the room and people look like.

    Lastly, your Length is a bit short. I think that by spacing out the dialogue and adding description it will improve though, so cant wait to read more.

    Overall Rating: 4/10

    I really liked the part at the end when the Queen(?) realizes that Alex could be the chosen one. While it was kind of predictable, it gives the story a bit of foreshadowing.

    Well, cant wait to read more!
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    Act 2 review:

    The paragraphs are a little too long, and the chapter...I know its the second one, but I'd like it to be longer (sorry, please do not get mad!) :P

    I did not expect a beyblade to have people guarding it, and I wonder...does the Quetzalcoatl have a bit-beast?

    Update if it is possible-

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    Quote Originally Posted by KantoMasta View Post
    Just read both chapters, and gotta say this sonds like it could turn into something BIG! There are a few things that I can see though.

    I have to say, the plot itself is very good. You seem to have a solid plot going here, and seems like it might be leeading up to something, having Alex be "the chosen one"

    Grammer wise, your writing could use some work, but don't worry, we all start somewhere! When people are talking, create a new paragraph whenever a new person speaks. for example, this:

    The group slowly walked their way through the hallways, taking in the sights of the carvings on the wall, depicting the history of Quetzalcoatl. Darrel S. DeLynch, another one of Henry's fellow archaeologists, asks fearfully, "What if the obsidian guardians find us? They might cut our hearts out to sacrifice us!", at which a deep, strong, intimidating voice replies out of nowhere.

    In perfect English, the voive spoke, "Actually, pale-faced mortal, that job only applies to the high priests of the city!".

    At the sound of the voice, Henry demands, "Who said that?!"

    Another foreign voice says back ominously, "Right behind you all...", as the group turned around slowly...to see the five living obsidian statues standing in front of them, in fighting poses with weapons at the ready.

    "The obsidian warriors...", Alex gasped in awe, as his father calmly explained to the great statues.

    "Great obsidian warriors, we mean no harm. We have come to study the temple, and to discover the secrets that lie within."

    Yet another one of the warriors replied gruffly, "Liars! You have come steal Quetzalcoatl from its resting place!", pulling out a sharp, obsidian-tipped spear.

    Seee how much of a difference that makes?

    As for description, your doing ok, but theres definately room you can improve on. As far as I know right now, Alex is a 12 year old stickfigure with brunnette hair. You have to add details to give readers a sense of what the room and people look like.

    Lastly, your Length is a bit short. I think that by spacing out the dialogue and adding description it will improve though, so cant wait to read more.

    Overall Rating: 4/10

    I really liked the part at the end when the Queen(?) realizes that Alex could be the chosen one. While it was kind of predictable, it gives the story a bit of foreshadowing.

    Well, cant wait to read more!
    Tlaneci's not a queen, she's one of the high priests of the city, who made herself immortal (How she done it I will reveal in a later chapter)

    Also, thanks for the criticism!

    @ Steelrush: I'm using the 4-layer Metal System Beyblades from MFB, to let you know
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  7. #7
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    Act 3: Quetzalcoatl Awakens

    Alex drew closer to the wall where Quetzalcoatl was embedded. When he was no more than a foot away from it, he slowly draws his right hand to the Beyblade. Just when he was about to touch it, Tlaneci advises, "Do not just simply pull it out of the wall with your hand; Remove it with your spirit.", as he nodded to her. He places his hand on the long-dormant Beyblade, as he then closed his eyes and concentrated his spirit while beginning to pull. As he does so, the Bey started shining a bright yellow, as glowing cracks started spreading out from the area where it is, and with one final tug, Alex pries Quetzalcoatl from the wall, also sending a few pieces of the inscribed wall flying. "I knew it!", smiled Tlaneci, "He is the Chosen One!". At that statement, Henry curiously asks, "Chosen One? What do you mean by that?", as the priestess replies, "There was a prophecy in which a group of strangers will come forth to the city from beyond, and one of them would become a 'Chosen One' to wield the sacred power of Quetzalcoatl. Now, that prophecy had come true, for your son has been chosen. However, I would like to teach your son on how to use Quetzalcoatl's power, so that he would not be driven mad by it.", before asking Alex, "How did it feel to hold Quetzalcoatl in your hands, child?", as he replied, "I feel honored, Tlaneci, thank you.", as he bowed respectfully.

    "Now", she started as she pulled out what appears to be a launching apparatus with a small handle attached to a retracting string at the end, with hooks on a circular bottom, as she gives it to Alex, "I shall teach you on how to properly use the power of Quetzalcoatl", as she then brings out a similar apparatus and a metal top that appears to be similar to Quetzalcoatl, but different-looking and represents a different deity. "You have a metal top, too!", gasps Alex, at which she replies, "I believe the proper term for these tops are Beyblades. Before you can match your Quetzalcoatl against my Xochiquetzal, I will teach you the proper techniques on using a Beyblade.", as she suddenly raised her arms dramatically. As if by magic, a stone podium rose forth from the floor of the sanctum. It also had a smooth, bowl-like interior area, as well. "For your first lesson", she started, "Attach your Beyblade to the bottom hooks of your launcher, like so.", as she attaches her Xochiquetzal to her launcher, and Alex following suit. He asks her respectfully, "What's next, Tlaneci?", as she replies, "Aim your launcher over the podium, and then pull the handle as fast as you can, while yelling 'Go Shoot!', which is the traditional battle cry for starting a Beyblade battle.", while sending in a generic-looking training dummy Bey. Alex aims his launcher over the podium, and with one swift flick of the wrist and swing of the arm, he shouts, "Go Shoot!", sending the Beyblade spinning into the podium, as it circled around aggressively inside the 'bowl'. Tlaneci then says, "For your second lesson, you must tell your Beyblade where to move and what Special Moves to use. Quetzalcoatl, at the moment, has the Ishidal Impact Special Move, and it is powerful, I can assure you.", as Alex nodded in understanding, as he orders to the Beyblade, "Quetzalcoatl, Special Move: Ishidal Impact!". With that, Quetzalcoatl glows a bright yellow, and smashes into the training dummy Bey, causing an explosion that sends it flying out of the podium, as it clinks onto the floor. "Awesome power, personified in what would be considered a child's plaything...", smiled Henry, as his son returned Quetzalcoatl to his hand, smiling at it, before saying to the priestess, "You're right, the Ishidal Impact is powerful. So, what's the next test going to be?", to which she replies, "For your final test, child, you will have to defeat me and my Xochiquetzal in a Beyblade battle.", aiming her launcher over the podium, as Alex does the same.

    3...

    2...

    1...

    "Go Shoot!", they both yell, launching their Beyblades into the podium BeyStadium. The two Beys clashed, move for move, counterattack for counterattack, and neither were willing to forfeit. The battle seemed to last forever, but it ended with Quetzalcoatl sending the butterfly-winged Beyblade out of the Stadium with the Ishidal Impact. "Congratulations, Alex, you have beaten me.", praised Tlaneci, as she shook hands with him, also explaining, "You have definitely proven worthy of using Quetzalcoatl. Be sure not to abuse its power. Now, there are four different types of Beyblades. Your Quetzalcoatl is an Attack-type Beyblade, due to its aggressive movement. Attack-types typically have high offensive power, but little stamina and defense. There is a launch technique that can be used to make up for these flaws. Defense-types have better defensive capabilities, and their stamina is moderate, compared to that of Attack-types, and their offensive capabilities are average, and some have little to none of it at all. Stamina-types have plenty of stamina to spare in battle, but little offensive, and decent defensive power. Balance-types usually combine two of the three basic types, and there are qualities that must be sacrificed in order to obtain victory in battle. My Xochiquetzal is a Balance-type, combining Defense and Stamina, with below average offensive power. A Beyblade's type can be determined by what parts are used in its creation. Oh, and I have almost forgotten, Beyblades are composed of four parts. There is the Face, which holds the other three parts together, the Metal Wheel for attacking and defending, the Track to determine the height, and the Bottom to determine the movement pattern. Quetzalcoatl has a low-profile Track, and an aggressive Bottom, as part of its nature as an Attack-type.", as she then hands him a small, wrench-like object. "So I can use this thing to take apart Quetzalcoatl and put it back together?", asks Alex, to which she replies, "Very good, Alexander."

    Moments later, we see the archaeologists departing the city, as Alex waved good-bye to Tlaneci, who was also waving back, along with the obsidian warriors, as they then went back into the temple. Re-tracing their steps through the jungle, they made it back to the town outside of the jungle, ready for the return trip to the United States. As they sat in the train, Alex thought, "I'm going to miss that priestess. She seemed nice enough.", as he held Quetzalcoatl in his hand.

    Chapter End
    Last edited by AlexK2013; 2nd June 2012 at 08:51 PM.
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    Short, but I liked it.

    Now I wonder, what's going to happen next?

    The cast stayed in that area far shorter than I expected (that's not a bad thing though in my opinion).

    And who will the antagonist be (if there is any)?

    Update when possible-

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    @ Steelrush: Don't worry, Steel, there's going to be one in Act 5! Also, thanks for the criticism!
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  10. #10
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    Act 4: The Boy with the Bey of Pegasus

    It had been one month since the expedition, and Alexander has been sharpening his skills with Quetzalcoatl during that time (while also making sure not to abuse its power). Plus, he has even learned that launch technique that could allow Attack-types to win almost every time; the Sliding Shoot. The Sliding Shoot, when done correctly, would have the Attack-type move in a flower-like pattern, giving it a good chance to hit Beyblades that spin idly in the center of the Stadium. One day, we see him on his way to the playground on a bright, sunny day. When he arrived, however, he noticed a red-haired boy playing with something by himself. Alex recognized the boy as Nigel Robinson, the son of a wealthy man who lives in town. He goes nearer to him, and noticed that he is playing with a black Beyblade with three silvery wings in a red plastic BeyStadium. He determined it to be an Attack-type, due to the aggressive movement pattern that it makes. When it stopped spinning, Alex could see the picture on the Bey's face; a horse's head with two wings on its sides. He then says to Nigel, "Excuse me.", as the rich man's son turned around to see him, and asks him, "What do you want?". Alex replies, "I can't help but notice you having a Beyblade. It looks pretty powerful.", and at that statement, Nigel replies, "Why, thank you.", before asking, "How did you know it was a Beyblade?", to which Alex replies with a smile as he pulled out his Quetzalcoatl, "Because I have one myself."

    At the sight of the Mesoamerican Beyblade, Nigel eagerly remarks, "Wow, and I thought I was the only one in this town with a Beyblade!", at which Alex replies, "So have I. Anyways, this is the Beyblade of Quetzalcoatl, the feathered serpent.", before asking, "So, what's yours of?". Nigel replies, "My Beyblade is Pegasis, which has the motif of the mythical flying horse from Greek mythology.", before asking, "Anyhow, would you like to battle?", with Alex replying, "I thought you'd never ask!", as the two Bladers aimed their launchers over the BeyStadium.

    3...

    2...

    1...

    "Go Shoot!", yelled Alex, as both he and the rich kid launched their Beyblades into the Stadium. The two Beys raced around in the stadium, clashing and smashing into each other with deep clangs. Nigel decided to spice things up, ordering to his Beyblade, "Pegasis, Special Move: Shining Star Smash!", as it started glowing with a bright light. At that, Alex commanded to his Bey, "Quetzalcoatl, Special Move: Ishidal Impact!", as it glowed bright yellow, before colliding with the three-winged Bey, resulting in an explosion of great power, as both Beys went flying out of the Stadium, as their owners managed to catch them. "How do you like that? We're evenly matched!", remarked Nigel, before realizing, "Also, I didn't get your name.", as Alex smiled, "The name's Alexander Arkwright. You can call me Alex. Also, I know who you are, Nigel Robinson.", as they shook hands.

    And at this moment, a friendly rivalry between the two boys has been established. They went home that afternoon, their battle on their minds. They both thought at the same time, "Alex Arkwright/Nigel Robinson...You know, you've got quite a powerful Beyblade on your hands. We'll be meeting again soon enough!"

    Chapter End
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  11. #11
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    @ Steelrush: Read Act 4 before reading this one!

    Act 5-1: The Left-Spinning Dragon, L-Drago! Part 1

    Deep inside a mountain on a rainy day, we see a cloaked figure walking through a hallway carved out of the caverns. His face could not be seen, only a malevolent smile, as the mysterious individual walked towards a podium. On that podium, is a crystalline structure spiking out in multiple directions, as it glowed with an ominous purple light. Inside the very center of the crystal spikes, is a Beyblade, whose Metal Wheel consist of three dragon-like heads facing counter-clockwise. On its Face, is dragon head, and below it is stylized text reading "L-Drago", signifying the Bey's name. The mysterious intruder puts his hands on the spike that holds the dragon-Bey, and pulled it out with little to no effort whatsoever, causing the other crystal spikes to break, and their fragments go flying everywhere. The thief takes a look at the crystal that holds the Bey for a moment, before breaking it against the podium, releasing the Bey from it. He picks up the Bey of L-Drago, and walks off with it, thinking, "L-Drago, the Forbidden Bey, is finally mine! With this left-spinning Beyblade, I will wreak vengeance upon this pathetic world!".

    Meanwhile, we see Alexander in his room, having just finished polishing Quetzalcoatl's parts after a hard day of battling with Nigel, when suddenly, something smashed through his window and onto his floor. "Yikes!", he yells, startled by the noise of shattering glass, as he jumps a bit. He calmed down, and turned around fast to see a rock with a note tied to it. Before he could read it, he went to his now-broken window, and yelled outside, "Hey! You owe me a new window, you scoundrel!!". His father heard the commotion, and quickly bursts into the room, yelling to his son, "Alex, what's going on?!", to which he replied, "One minute, I was doing maintenance on Quetzalcoatl, and the next thing you know, someone threw a rock with a note tied to it through my window!". Henry picks up the rock, removes the note, reads it, before handing it to his son, as he remarks, "I think you better read this, son.", as he read it.

    The note reads:

    To whom it may concern,

    There is terrible news. In recent days, a very powerful and extraordinarily dangerous Beyblade was stolen by a mysterious individual, and his intent for it is nothing less than malevolent. This Beyblade, is L-Drago, a left-spinning dragon Bey possessing a dark power that could not only cause tremendous damage, but could also potentially threaten the user and other people around him or her. It is also known as the Forbidden Bey for that reason. In ancient times, a magnificent star fell from the heavens, splitting into two pieces. One of the star fragments landed in the very birthplace of the Beyblades, the town of Koma Village. The other fragment was passed down through powerful people who burned with ambition, making its way through the world's greed, eventually becoming L-Drago. Learning of the threat posed by the left-spinning Bey, the people of Koma Village created the original Pegasis to do battle with L-Drago. After an arduous conflict between the two Beyblades, Pegasis won. L-Drago was then sealed away in a large, crystalline structure, deep inside a treacherous mountain, never to rise again, until now. This note has been written for all Beyblade owners everywhere, to warn them of the threat of L-Drago and the person who stole it. If you see this individual, FLEE ON SIGHT, for that Beyblade may be too powerful for anyone to defeat!

    Signed,
    The Elders of Koma Village

    PS: We sincerely apologize for having to throw that rock through your window, if any.


    "Wow, this must be serious, if a Beyblade like this is ever loosed upon the world.", remarked Alex after he finished reading the note. His father nodded in agreement, as he replies, "In this case, son, be on your guard. There is no telling what may happen should you confront L-Drago.", as Alex retorts, "Don't worry, dad, I'll be careful!"

    The next day, Alex went to the playground, intent on telling Nigel about the note. When he did meet up with Nigel, he found that that he too received the note from the Elders of Koma Village, whoever they may be. "It looks like we better be careful when we play with our Beyblades", started Nigel as he continued, "We might attract the attention of that vile scoundrel who stole L-Drago. Plus, when I first read my copy of the note, I was surprised that were was more than one Pegasis Beyblade!". Alex was about to reply, when another voice remarked, "So you've got that note, too!", as its owner, a young girl with long, blonde hair came into view. She is also wearing a plain, white dress. In her right hand, is a Beyblade whose Metal Wheel is composed two large, long slopes that connect together to form a circle, and is also red on certain parts. Its yellow Face has a side-ways red marking of a woman's face with fiery, flowing hair. Beneath it, is a stylized text reading "Virgo", with the letters spelling the Beyblade's name shaped like diamonds. It has a tall, yellow Track with four, short wings sloping downwards. Its Bottom is ball-shaped, ending in a sharp point. "Oh, hello there, it looks like me and Nigel aren't the only ones in this town to have Beyblades.", smiled Alex, as the girl replies, "Of course not. A few families in this town each had a Beyblade that's been passed down through many generations, especially the wealthy Robinson family. But out there in this world, there are more families that have Beyblades passed down through generations, than just these few in town. Anyways, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Abigail Dillidow. You can call me Abby, if you want. My Beyblade is Virgo, a Stamina-type."

    "A Stamina-type, eh? Looks pretty smooth. The name's Alex, Alexander Arkwright.", grinned Alex, introducing himself in return, also showing her Quetzalcoatl. "Would you look at that, I've never seen a Beyblade like this before. How did you get it?", asks Abby curiously, as Alex explains, "Oh, that? I've got it in an expedition in South America. My father was the leading archaeologist, and I went with him. I found this Beyblade of Quetzalcoatl in an underground temple.", at which Abby replies, "Amazing", before asking him, "What type is it?". Nigel replies for Alex, "It's an Attack-type, same as my black Pegasis.", as Abby remarks, "I can see that, due to its low profile.", when she noticed storm clouds rolling in. "I'd best get back home, wouldn't want to be all soaking wet from the rain, if any.", remarked Abby as she quickly waved good-bye, before leaving. "That's strange", started Nigel, "It is Summer, and yet these storm clouds are coming in.", at which Alex asks, "Do you think that these dark clouds might be a sign of L-Drago's dark power?", as the rich boy replies, "I don't know, but we will know for sure if it is caused by the left-spinning dragon."

    The friendly rivals don't know how right they are, in identifying the strange change in weather as a sign of L-Drago's coming...

    Part 1 End
    Last edited by AlexK2013; 4th June 2012 at 08:48 AM.
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  12. #12
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    Act 4 review:

    Nigel seems like a cliche name for a rich guy. Not that I mind though, naming is difficult for me as well. I didn't expect something to evenly match the Quetzalcoatl in this story. Looks like beyblades aren't that uncommon in that particular century.

    Now I'll read the next one.

    Act 5 review:

    ...Part 1?

    And, I didn't expect a beyblade to be able to change the weather. Is the Quetzalcoatl going to be able to defeat the L-Drago? Now I am more interested than ever.

    Update soon if that is acceptable.

  13. #13
    Creative Co-Author AlexK2013's Avatar
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    Act 5-2: The Left-Spinning Dragon, L-Drago! Part 2

    The two young rivals were about to leave the area back to their respective residences, when they heard a commotion and a terrified shriek. "It's Abby!", gasps Alex, at which Nigel replies, "She could be in trouble! Let's go!", as the two ran to where the commotion is coming from, which is at the Dillidow House on the outskirts of town. When the two made it, they find the house with the front practically blown off, and Abby kneeling down, while holding her right arm in pain. Not only that, but Virgo is on the ground, terribly damaged. Nigel asks her in concern, "Abigail, what happened?", at which she replies with a pained grunt, "That cloaked man mentioned in the note; He was here, along with L-Drago!". "Really?!", started Alex before demanding, "What did he or his Beyblade look like?!", at which Nigel retorts, "Hold on for a minute, Alex!", before calmly asking Abby, "Had anything happened when he showed up?". She explains, "When I got home, I was having tea with my mother, when the front of the house suddenly exploded. Debris was flying everywhere! I went downstairs to investigate, and when I did, I found our poor butler knocked out, and that more than just the front door is destroyed! It is then that I heard a sinister laugh. I turned around fast, and there he was; that cloaked man who stole L-Drago! I then demanded for his name, and he replies that it wasn't important for the moment, but he called himself the Dragon Emperor! I got out my Virgo, hoping to drive him away--", when Nigel interrupted, "Didn't you read the note? It said to flee on sight!"

    "Hey! Don't interrupt her!", retorts Alex, before saying to her, "You were saying?", as she continued, "Anyways, I launched my Virgo to drive the stranger away, as he sent out L-Drago to counter it. Our Beyblades clashed on, until he had L-Drago unleash a Special Dark Move he called the Dragon Emperor: Soaring Bite Strike, dealing a lot of damage to Virgo, also defeating it. I was also knocked to the ground by the force of the attack, as the self-proclaimed Dragon Emperor then left. To answer Nigel's question, I wouldn't stand for that scoundrel intruding on our home like this. As for what L-Drago looked like, its Metal Wheel resembles three dragon heads circling to the left. It is also an Attack-type, having a Flat Bottom, and a low-profile Track. The Dragon Emperor also used a left-spin variant of the BeyLauncher."

    The two nodded in understanding, as Alex remarks, "I think you need to report this attack to the police.", as he and Nigel helped her up, and guiding her to the telephone, which is intact. One day after the police was contacted about the attack, the Sheriff issued an All-points Bulletin for the Dragon Emperor, saying that if he is sighted, that he or she is to report to the police immediately. Later in the afternoon, Alex heads to the playground for his usual rendezvous with Nigel. When he arrived, however, he finds the playground in shambles. Not only that, but Nigel lays there, unconscious with bruises and scratches. His black Pegasis was also in a damaged state, too. "Oh...oh no...the Dragon Emperor's got him, too.", whimpered Alex in terrified shock, before growling angrily, "That nasty rat will pay!", as he went to get the police. An hour later, the police closed off the playground, while Nigel was taken to the hospital for medical treatment. Alex thought to himself, as he went through town in search of the hooded malefactor, "Seems it's all up to me, now. If I can't take down L-Drago in battle, then no one will be safe from its dark power!", as yet another loud racket started; someone is under attack! He rushed to where it came from, which is the police station, to find it in a ruinous state, with many officers lying on the floor injured, among them, the chief. Alex went over to the chief, and asked him respectfully, "What had happened here? Did the Dragon Emperor come here, too?". He replies, "Come here?! My great-grandpa had seen disasters that caused more damage than this! And yeah, he came here, just a few minutes ago. He didn't like how we've put up the APB on him.", as the son of Henry Arkwright asks him, "Which way did he go?", at which the chief pointed, "That-a-way, but stay away from him, he's too dangerous!"

    "I'll take my chances...", grumbled Alex, as he went off in the direction that Dragon Emperor left the police station in. After a few moments of jogging, he stumbled upon the cloaked troublemaker in the ruins of the playground, just standing there. "So, you finally found me.", he started with an arrogant tone, "I, the great and powerful Dragon Emperor, was beginning to think that you would cower out of this.", to which Alex replies angrily, "Emperor, you have dealt enough damage here! It's time to answer for all the trouble you caused, and to return L-Drago to its rightful owners!". At this statement, the evil one lets out a sinister chuckle, as he retorts, "You and what army, Arkwright? I've just made a mess of your friends and their Beyblades! What chance do you think you have against my L-Drago!?", holding up the Forbidden Bey with a soulless smile. "I don't know if I do have a chance, but I'll do whatever it takes to prevent you from hurting any more people!", Alexander snarls, holding up his Quetzalcoatl in return. "Quetzalcoatl, eh?", sneers Dragon Emperor arrogantly, "Hah! It is powerless against L-Drago!", as he engages the left-spinning dragon Bey to his left-spin launcher, while Alex did the same. The air practically tensed, as a standoff ensues...

    3...

    2...

    1...

    "Go Shoot!", they both yell, launching their Beyblades into action. Alex starts off the battle, by ordering to his Bey, "Quetzalcoatl, Special Move: Ishidal Impact!", as it took on that distinctive golden glow. In response, Dragon Emperor commands, "L-Drago, Special Dark Move: Dragon Emperor: Soaring Bite Strike!!", the Forbidden Bey taking on a fiery, violet aura of dark power and increasing its speed. When the two Special Moves collided, a great, spiralling pillar of conflicting energies erupted. "You'll never beat L-Drago, it's more powerful than anything before it! Not even the power of the feathered serpent can defeat the left-spinning dragon!! EVERYTHING SHALL BE BROKEN!!", yelled Dragon Emperor with wicked fury and malice, eyes glowing purple, but Alexander retorts, "Maybe, maybe not. But, if there's one thing that can win a battle, it's not about using some dark power! It's about using your competitive spirit to win your battles! A no-good bonehead like you wouldn't understand it, 'cause all you'd like to do is make a mess of things!", before ordering to Quetzalcoatl, "Alright, Quetzalcoatl, give it everything you've got!!", and at that one command, the silver Beyblade started pushing back the foul, corrupted energy of L-Drago, as a huge explosion occurred. The two opposing Bladers stood their ground against the forces of the explosion, as the Dragon Emperor's cloak came flying off, revealing the real appearance of the troublemaker. He is a tall young man, with white, spiky hair with a red highlight. His skin tone is tan, and he also has yellow eyes that seemed to just peer into one's soul. His fingernails are as sharp as a dragon's claws. In his frown are a pair of canines that looked sharp enough to poke holes into just about anything that they bite into. His limbs, especially the arms are well-toned. "So", started Alexander, "This is what you really look like!", at which he retorts with a smirk, "Yes, that's what I truly look like. My real name is Ryuu-oh, which means 'Dragon King' or 'Dragon God', thus my self-proclaimed title of Dragon Emperor!", as the archaeologist's son then asked, "What's your motivation for stealing L-Drago in the first place?!". Ryuu-oh was about to reply, but someone beats him to it, "For revenge. Ryuu-oh wants to use L-Drago to get revenge on the world, for the death of his family.", at which he turned to see a group of elderly men in robes, along with two guards, as well as a familiar face; Tlaneci.

    "Tlaneci!", smiled Alex, but frowned as he added, "I'm so sorry that I've disobeyed the note sent to me by the Elders. I didn't want him to get away with this injustice!", as she replies, "It is alright. Anyways, you have a battle to finish!", to which he nodded, before turning back to the battle at hand. "Alright, Ryuu-oh, I'm ready to put this battle in the bag!", while he then ordered to Quetzalcoatl, "Quetzalcoatl, Special Move: Ishidal Impact! Full Power!, as its energies started to overcome L-Drago's, resulting in a great explosion, the forces of which forcing Alex, Tlaneci, and the Elders of Koma Village with their guards, to keep from getting blown away. Ryuu-oh wasn't so fortunate, as he was knocked onto the ground, unconscious. When the smoke cleared, L-Drago had stopped spinning, its Metal Wheel in a terribly damaged state, with scratches, scrapes, and cracks. Quetzalcoatl is also still spinning, albeit gradually slowing down, before stopping, also showing fresh battle damage on its Metal Wheel. The Face is also had cracks. "I've done the impossible;", started Alexander in awe as he picks up Quetzalcoatl, "Defeating the Forbidden Bey in battle...I won. You've done well, Quetzalcoatl." While Ryuu-oh was unconscious, the Elders had their guards tie him up, intending to put him on trial for the theft of L-Drago. Tlaneci is then asked by Alexander, "What will happen to L-Drago? Will it have to be destroyed to prevent anyone else from stealing it?", at which she replies, "No, but it will be repaired, and the Elders will attempt to cleanse it of the dark, negative emotions that it absorbed throughout its long history. Plus, when L-Drago purified, it will be given to a highly responsible individual for safekeeping. As for Quetzalcoatl, we shall repair it, too."

    "Thank you, Tlaneci", Alexander says gratefully, "By the way, how did you and the Elders get here so fast?", to which she replies with a gentle smile, "Xochiquetzal has more than one Special Move; as a matter of fact, any Beyblade can have more than one Special Move. The one I used allowed us to appear in any place at any moment."

    A few days after "The Great L-Drago Incident", as it would be known, Quetzalcoatl is fully repaired (and given a slightly altered color scheme), and everything went back to normal--well, almost everything. Not only that, Ryuu-oh has been brought before the Elders of Koma Village, and was found guilty for stealing L-Drago. It is unknown what punishment Ryuu-oh has received, but one thing is for certain; it'll serve him right for all the trouble he caused. Also, Abby and Nigel's Beyblades are also repaired by the Elders, and so is L-Drago, who was since purified and, surprisingly, given to Henry Arkwright for safekeeping. But, little did Alex know, is that the adventures had only just begun!

    Chapter End
    Last edited by AlexK2013; 5th June 2012 at 02:28 PM.
    Check out my Beyblade site: http//:beyblademania.weebly.com

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    So much for the mighty L-Drago.

    A nice antagonist you came up with by the way. :)

    So, what's next for Alex? Is almighty 'Dragon God' going to return?

    Update soon if that can be done.

  15. #15
    Creative Co-Author AlexK2013's Avatar
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    Default Re: Metal Fight Beyblade: The Legend of Quetzalcoatl

    @ Steelrush: Thanks, Steel. And yes, Ryuu-oh will return...in Act 9!
    Check out my Beyblade site: http//:beyblademania.weebly.com

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