Pallet Town crackled and burned as a fire raged through the city. It would seem Team Rocket was raiding the small town frequently these days. Usually the raids consisted of nothing mare than a handful of Rockets running into town and attempting to steal cigarettes from the only gas station around for a fifty-mile radius. The Rockets would quickly turn tail and run after being thwarted by the elderly woman working the counter and her clever use of knitting needles.
Raids like this one though, in which half the town would typically be smoldering ash by sunrise, were not planned and usually an accident. For example, this particular raid started when a rather clumsy member dropped his last cigarette into his gas tank. The resulting explosion threw enough burning debris at the surrounding homes that they went up in flames quickly. Wanting to save face, his cohorts called a few friends and poof, instant raid! Thus, Rockets ran willy-nilly acting as though this had been planned for months.
“Help! Help me someone!” cried one of the many victims. She was an attractive young woman – blonde, blue-eyed, and buxom. Unfortunately, she was an idiot.
Her current predicament was also rather perilous. Fire raged around her as she lay tied up on the floor of her quaint home. To make matters worse on the other side of the room was a Rocket making his way towards her.
“What are you going to do to me?” She whimpered.
The Rocket stopped for a moment then answered, “Probably just keep advancing towards you menacingly until the Hero arrives.”
“Oh, well carry on then,”
The Rocket continued to close the gap until finally the blonde lay at his feet. The man looked at his watch and tapped his foot.
“I really thought he’d be here by now.” The Rocket said as he glanced over at the door.
“Hmm… Maybe you should just go back and do it again?” she suggested.
The Rocket nodded and crossed back over to the other side of the room and, just as before, advanced menacingly towards her. After doing this four more times the Rocket was about to give up when a loud thud resounded on the door.
The two looked over and watched for a moment expecting the hero to come crashing in but instead there was only another thud. Then another. And another.
“I really don’t have time for this…” The Rocket said impatiently and walked over to open the door. As he threw it open he nearly laughed at what he saw.
The Hero stood on the welcome mat holding a Magikarp over his shoulder like a baseball bat. They stared at each other for a moment before the Rocket finally spoke.
“So I guess-“
The Hero immediately slung his Magikarp at the Rocket, “MAGIKARP RAIN!”
Surprised the villain stumbled backwards into the room.
“What the heck is your malfunction?” The Rocket snapped as he clutched his head.
“Gonna Suck Until Level 20 Gained!” The hero recited as he struck the Rocket again, this time knocking him over. He swung the fish repeatedly, each strike adding another line to the poem.
Using Flail To Make You Feel My Pain!
No One Lower On The Feeding Chain!
Psyducks Always Trippin’ On Cocaine!”
Eventually the Rocket managed to kick the Hero back. For a while they just glared at one another while the house slowly crumbled around them
“My name is Dustin Bulbs Hamuu!” the hero said finally.
“Mines Badguy McNasty,” the rocket retorted.
“I’m Bob,” the blonde-haired woman said cheerfully.
The two men looked at her and in unison asked, “Bob?”
“Yeah,” She looked down, “My dad wanted a boy…”
Perplexed, McNasty turned back towards his opponent and saw that Hamuu was coming at him with the Magikarp again.
“No! No! No! None of that, if you want a pokemon battle lets do this right!”
Hamuu looked down dejectedly, “Alright I guess.”
The rocket grabbed a ball from his belt and released a rather angry looking Growlithe. Once again, the two stared each other down for what seemed like minutes.
“Well, aren’t you two going to battle?” Bob asked as she looked back and forth between them.
“I’m waiting for him to call out his pokemon.” McNasty answered pointing over at Hamuu.
“But I have a pokemon already out,” the hero said as he dangled Magikarp in the air by it’s tail.
“Magikarp’s can’t do anything? Why would you use that?” the rocket asked perplexed.
“Can’t do anything? Ha! Have you already forgotten the magnificent tackle it used to take you down moments ago?” Hamuu scoffed.
“Tackle? You hit me with it! Then you wailed on my while I was defenseless!”
“Magi, Karp.” The small fish pokemon managed weakly.
“Yeah, he isn’t very smart.” Hamuu answered with a laugh.
“Whatever,” McNasty muttered, “Growlithe use ember!”
Growlithe pounced towards his master’s opponent but was abruptly knocked upside his head with the Magikarp.
“MAGIKARP RAIN! Playing Abel To Feebas’s Cain!” Hamuu hollered out as Growlithe tumbled backwards.
“Would you stop doing that?!” McNasty yelled.
Growlithe staggered up to his feet and barked, a lot.
“What’s he saying?” Hamuu asked.
“Well at first it was just a long strain of obscenities but know he’s just making a list of things he’d like to do with your mother.”
“Your Growlithe knows his mom? It is a small world!” Bob said with a smile.
“Seriously, stop talking,” McNasty growled before turning his attention back to the fight.
“Alright I guess it’s time to use our special move! Magikarp use Dragons Rage!” Hamuu yelled and tossed his Magikarp across the room.
“What?! That’s impossible! Growlithe dodge it!” McNasty said as he took cover.
“HAHAHAHAHA MAGIKARP RAIN! Now You Feel Mundane!” Hamuu laughed clutching his side.
“You tricked me…” McNasty said, “Fine Growlithe, Take Down Attack now!”
“Growlithe?” McNasty turned to see his small dog like pokemon unconscious on the floor behind him. “What did you do to him?!”
“I did nothing,” Hamuu crossed his arms, “Your Growlithe jumped right into a two by four. Not my fault that it was weak against my Magikarps Confusion attack.”
“Alright, new pokemon! I am through with your stupid Magikarp Rain! It’s driving me insane!” The Rocket immediately covered his mouth with both hands when he realized what he had said.
“Catchy isn’t it,” Hamuu smiled.
“Argh! That’s it! Go Gengar!” McNasty yelled as he tossed another pokeball.
“Ghost aye? Fine, go Bulbasaur!” Hamuu said letting his ball loose as well.
The two pokemon appeared in a haze of red light and immediately Bulbasuar ran back to Hamuu for cover.
“What wrong little fella?” Hamuu asked.
“Buba buba saur!” It said and looked around at all the flames.
“Oh don’t worry I have a special flame retardant mixture I made,” Hammu took a bottle from his pocket and poured the contents on the small dinosaur like pokemon.
“I’m not gonna lie,” McNasty said sniffing the air, “That smells like pure gasoline…”
Hamuu ignored him and finished rubbing the rest of the liquid into his pokemons skin. Bulbasaur looked at the bottle then at McNasty.
“Bubasaur?” It asked scared.
“No, he was just trying to frighten you. I made this out of a bunch of flame resistant chemicals at the house.” Hamuu said then tucked the bottle into his pocket.
“Whatever,” McNasty said as he waited. When his opponents were ready he launched an attack, “Gengar use Lick!”
“Gengar!” It hissed and flew through the air towards Bulbasaur.
“Quick, jump into the flames to avoid the attack!” Hamuu commanded.
“Buba,” Bulbsaur shook his head and held his position.
“Fine,” Hamuu said as he grabbed the pokemon by its vines and tossed it into the flames.
There was a crackling sound then a flash of light as the bulbasuar ignited into flames and instantaneously burned up.
“Oo, pretty,” Bob giggled.
Hamuu’s mouth hung open as he stared at the pile of ash that used to be his pokemon.
“Told you smelled like gasoline.” McNasty said as he recalled Gengar.
“But the bottles all said ‘inflammable’ on them… I don’t understand how this could have happened.” Hamuu said as he attempted to scoop the ashes into a pokeball.
“Inflammable means it’ll catch fire,” McNasty almost felt sorry for the poor guy.
“Figures, Magikarp’s attacks were so powerful they affected your head. Flammable means it’ll catch fire, inflammable is the opposite.” Hamuu ‘corrected’ his opponent.
McNasty no longer felt sorry for the guy. “I think you’re mentally retarded. Well since I’m the winner I will be on way.”
Hamuu held up a hand, “Not so fast, I still have one more Pokemon.”
The hero pulled a jet-black pokeball from his belt and released the pokemon.
“Missingno, I choose you.”
As the red light dissipated, it revealed an odd L shaped pokemon that seemed to be nothing more than wires and blocks.
“Wow a Missingno… What the heck is a Missingno?” McNasty said eyeing the thing curiously.
“Oh, it’s only the most awesome pokemon ever. Even better than Mew.” Hamuu stuck out his tongue.
“Well do to a plot device, I just so happen to have a Mew.” McNasty smiled and released the small jovial cat like pokemon.
“It’s so cute!” Bob squealed, “Can I pet it?”
“If you touch him I will kick you in the teeth.” McNasty said.
“Oh, ok.” Bob said sadly.
“Alright,” Hamuu said, “Missingno, Sky Attak!”
“Sky Attack?” McNasty questioned, “But it doesn’t have wings how can it- uff”
Mew collided into the rocket after having beet struck by an invisible force.
“That is it! I am fed up with all this junk! Mew kill them both!”
“Not so fast,” Hamuu smiled, “Missingno, Data Corruption!”
The wires and boxes that made up the pokemon began to hum as they vibrated. Light began to build up within the creature until, at it’s peak, it focused all the energy into a wave that washed over McNasty and Mew. When the wave of light had faded, the rocket had vanished without a trace.
“What did you do to him?” Bob asked.
“I made him start over,” Hamuu answered.
“What does that mean?”
“It’s not important,” Hamuu said as he knelt down and began to untie the many knots, “What matters is that I won and got the girl.”
“Oh, well sorry to tell you but I am married.” Bob said.
Hamuu stopped untying, “What?” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. “Is this not 1213 Glenwood St?”
“No, that’s across the street.” Bob tried to look down where the knots were located but was unable to, “Are you done untying already?”
“Sorry but I must have made a mistake. I was suppose to save who ever lived there,” With that Hamuu recalled Missingno and slung his Magikarp back over his shouder. “MAGIKARP RAIN!” he bellowed as he ran out of the house.
Bob looked around and tried to move but had little success. “Jerk could have at least untied me,” She muttered shortly before the ceiling collapsed.