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  1. #121
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 21 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Very nice!

    I only picked out one grammar error

    “Yep. In a few month you’ll always do missions alone. This will give you experience.”
    I guess you meant months :)

    As for the plot, its great! Especially showing different dialects between different regions. Your description if the network machine in the poké centre was pretty darn good as well.

  2. #122
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 21 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Thanks!

    Chapter 22 in the works.

  3. #123
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 21 up now! Comments welcome!)

    “Look”
    Chapter 22, Saga 3.
    By RaccoonGoon.


    The Sevii Islands were stunningly beautiful. The clear blue water, the lush green trees that flourished with life, and the wide, almost cloudless sky that seemed to stretch on forever. The warm air combated the cool breeze, causing a very comfortable temperature- Not to hot, not to cold.

    Looker was on the deck of the Island’s ferry, speeding by the different islands. He zipped by Two Island in a few minutes. He wondered how Stan would do. In a few more minutes Three Island was behind him, growing smaller as Four Island approached.

    After passing Four Island, the ferry took a turn to the South and continued to make its way to Five Island. The excitement grew within Looker. This was the first time he might have to make an arrest, his first time he might see some real action, his first time as an IP Agent doing something alone….Well, not really alone, he had Croagunk.

    He tapped the spherical container inside his coat pocket.

    “We might have to get roughed up a bit, buddy.”

    Croagunk wiggled inside his Pokeball. He was just as excited.

    The ferry slowed to a stop in front of the entrance dock. Thanking the captain, he un-boarded the ferry and made his way to land. Five Island, called Chrono Island to natives, had the standard PokeCenter, a few houses, and much to Looker’s surprise, a meadow, overgrowing with grass and trees. That would be a good spot to hide.

    “Better ask around for more information first…”

    PokeCenters, he had learned, were great for information. Stan had used the one in Vermillion to get to the Sevii Islands, he had used the center on One Island to get to Five Island. Now, he was going to use one to get ahead of this case.

    Once inside the red-roofed building, he walked up to the front counter where a young man, no older than 8 was waiting. Behind the counter, Nurse Joy was clicking and pushing a few small buttons, bringing the healing machine to life.

    “Is my Sentret going to be ok?” the boy asked, voice ridden with worry.

    “He’ll be just fine.”

    Looker took a step back, monitoring the scene unfold.

    Nurse Joy then placed the Pokeball, apparently holding the injured Pokemon, onto the machine, allowing the machine to pump new energy into the Pokemon.

    “There we go, back to full health!” the cheery woman said, handing back the boy’s Sentret.

    “Thanks!” The boy instantly released his Normal Type Pokemon and scooped it up in his arms.

    “Oh Sentret, we’ll show those punks with Skarmory a thing or two!”

    Looker stepped forward and kneeled to eye level with the boy.

    “Excuse me, but did you say men with Skarmory hurt your Sentret?”

    The boy, surprised an adult would talk to him, nodded nervously.

    “Yep. They also attacked my mom and her friend and stole their money.”

    It had to be related to the group of men that attacked Pewter. The museum was attacked, the men flew away, and now incidents were happening here. It all added up. Looker was sure that they were hot on their trail.

    “Can you take me to the last place you saw them?”

    “Sure mister. Follow me.”

    The boy returned Sentret and scampered out the PokeCenter.

    “That’s my house.” The boy pointed to a quaint little house next to the PokeCenter as the two walked East.

    “Mh-hm.”

    What thugs would attack a small boy? That was just plain cruel. But, Looker had known this world was cruel since he was fourteen. Since his father had died from being attacked by some thug. This boy was lucky he hadn’t been killed. Suddenly, this case just became a little personal.

    The two stopped right outside Five Island Meadow. Tall trees reached into the blue sky, the grass hid many wild Pokemon, and Hoppips were drifting with the breeze. It was a relaxing sight, really.

    “After they attacked Sentret and stole my mom’s purse they ran into the meadow.”

    Looker placed his thumb and forefinger on his chin, allowing him to think.

    “Ok, I need you to go home and stay with your mother. I’ll be back with her purse and the bad men will be caught, ok?”

    The boy obediently nodded.

    “Wanna take Sentret to help? He’ll take down those Skarmory and their Trainers! He’ll-”

    “No thanks, he should stay with you.”

    And with that, he entered Five Island Meadow.

    ----------------------------------------------

    “This must be it…..”

    Stan was standing under the beating sun, gazing down at an aged man hole port. It had a few blotches of orange rust around the edges, the steel wasn’t as gleaming as it was decades ago. Grass nearly grew up around it, almost covering it from sight. It was a lucky tip that Stan even found the entrance to the old military bunker.

    “Well, “ he began, crouching down and lifting the heavy cover “Lets see what kind of vermin we find this time…”

    He dropped down into the underground bunker, instantly tasting the dried, musty air. He landed on the concrete floor and stood still, letting his eyes adjust to the light. It was dark in the bunker except a small light coming from the southern end. Another room with voices coming from it.

    Carefully making his way to the second room, he grabbed Staraptor’s Pokeball and easily withdrew it from his pocket. Once he reached the door frame he crouched down and peeked into the lit room. There were five men, all in identical grey uniforms and flight caps, lounging on the cots. He had found the group that had ransacked the Pewter Museum.

    Stan smirked, raised up, and entered the room without hesitation. The five uniformed men turned around, startled.

    “Ok, the jig is up.”

    With one hand he held up Staraptor’s Pokeball and with the other he held up his IP badge.

    “Now come with me. Your all under arrest.”

    Rex, painfully raised up and grimaced at the IP Officer.

    “Heh, it’s five of us against one of you. We’ll slaughter you!”

    With that the other four members of Team Spade threw out their own Pokemon. Suddenly, the room was full of Skarmory, all screeching out their cries. The Spade grunts moved in forward while Rex moved back, making sure his Skarmory wouldn’t see combat. Like a coward.

    The men and their Skarmory moved another step forward. Stan wasn’t worried though. He adjusted his shades on his face, cracked his knuckles, and kicked some dirt off his shoes. When the mighty steel skinned Pokemon were two feet away he tossed down the Pokeball he was holding, releasing his Predator Pokemon .

    “Ok Staraptor, Close Combat one those tin-foil Torchics!”

    As soon as the command was given, the Normal/Flying Type took off, mighty talons outstretched, and rammed into two of the enemy Pokemon. Using it’s talons, wings, and beak it thrashed at them. It looked like he was actually punching them with his talons as the Skarmory’s hide bent, steel feathers fell loose, and still Staraptor fought on. Finally, it let off the two badly damaged Pokemon. They would need a long healing before they flew again.

    “Haheh! Good job! Two of ‘em down!”

    Bob and Lou returned their mangled mess of Pokemon and backed up, shocked they were beaten so quickly.

    “Feh! Let’s see if your overgrown Pidgey can handle this! Steel Wing!” Rod spat out, nervously jumping up and down.

    Skarmory’s feathers fanned out and began to shine. It flew towards the larger Pokemon, hoping to connect it’s ultra-hard wings to the others face.

    “Easy” Stan replied. “Brave Bird!”

    Staraptor squawked and began to glow, a powerful energy over taking him. As soon as it’s whole body was covered in the blue energy he took off, straight for the approaching Skarmory. Neither Pokemon pulled up, neither of them was going to give up. The two collided and the force of the impact covered the room in smoke.

    When the smoke cleared, Staraptor was standing over the third mangled Skarmory of the battle. The Normal/Flying Type was getting tired. It’s feathers were ruffled, it’s wings were tired. It couldn’t take much more.

    Rod withdrew his defeated Skarmory and scampered under a cot, holding the Pokeball close. While all this was taking place, Rex slinked his hand into his pocket and clasped his Sandslash’s Pokeball with his thin fingers. He slowly crouched down and clicked the release button, and his ferocious Ground Type was pulsed out in a flash.

    “Sandslash, Dig around beneath this concrete, go behind that Officer, and use Rock Throw. Don’t hold back.”

    The Mouse Pokemon nodded and began clawing away at the concrete, crushing it. Meanwhile, the battle raged on.

    “Good job Staraptor! Think you could handle that last Skarmory with a Take Down?”

    Staraptor looked back at it’s trainer and nodded before throwing itself at the last enemy Pokemon, connecting right in the center of it’s steel body, instantly knocking it out cold.
    Mel growled under his breath and returned his Pokemon.

    “Awesome! You’re all out of Pokemon, aren’t you? Haheh!”

    Stan began to walk forward to the supposedly defeated Team Spade, proud look on his face. Staraptor walked by his side. Something threw him off step, however. Something…Something beneath him!

    A rumbling made his way to the entrance of the room, and instantly burst through the concrete, sending cement chunks everywhere. Sandslash, malice in it’s eyes, had a large, jagged rock in it’s claws. Stan spun around in terror.

    “Where did that come from?”

    Before he received an answer, the Sandslash threw the rock at full force at Stan, aiming for his head. The rock grew bigger as it approached, there was no way he could dodge it now. His head was going to be taken off by it. He wa-

    Suddenly, Staraptor threw itself in front of the flying rock, taking the attack head on for Stan. The rock shattered on Staraptor’s side, causing a great deal of pain to surge through the Pokemon. Staraptor fell on the ground in front of Stan’s feet. His Pokemon had just saved his life…it really cared for him.

    With a tone of sorrow and gratitude he said “Thank you, Staraptor…” and returned his fallen Pokemon. Sandslash had long since returned to his Trainers side, pleased that it at least hurt his Pokemon.

    “Hey Mel, “ Rex began. “Get out your Mightyena. We’ll take turns tearing this guy apart.”

    Mel obliged and threw out his Dark Type Pokemon. This wasn’t looking good, and Stan knew it. But he still had one Pokemon left, one that he knew he had to uses.

    “Hate to be a downer you guys, but….” he plucked another Pokeball from his pocket. “I still have my strongest Pokemon left to fight with.”

    Before anymore was said, Stan tossed down the Pokeball. In a flash of bright light, a feline-like Pokemon stood. It had cream colored fur, with a purple tuft of fur at the tip of it’s tail. Purple fur also covered it’s ears and around it’s neck, making a prim collar of sorts. The eyes of the Pokemon sparkled, examining the surroundings. A Delcatty.
    “HAW! You expect to beat both of us with that thing! That poor excuse belongs in a Pokemon Contest! We’ll tear it to shreds!”

    Stan and Delcatty ignored the taunts.

    “Hey Delcatty?”

    Delcatty turned and faced it’s trainer.

    “Del? Catty del?”

    “Rip those two to shreds.”

    --------------------------------------------------------------

    Yes, it was a Delcatty!

    Well, thank you all for reading! Feel free to leave any comment, tips, or criticism.

    Expect Chapter 23 in a week or so.

  4. #124
    Registered User Ian D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 22 up now! Comments welcome!)

    “Easy” Stan replied. “Brave Bird!”
    Comma should be after easy, before the quotation. Think this was just a mistake, though. =p

    Intense chapter!

    Staraptor saved Stan's life. How sweet. I hope he's nothing more than hurt.

    Before anymore was said, Stan tossed down the Pokeball. In a flash of bright light, a feline-like Pokemon stood. It had cream colored fur, with a purple tuft of fur at the tip of it’s tail. Purple fur also covered it’s ears and around it’s neck, making a prim collar of sorts. The eyes of the Pokemon sparkled, examining the surroundings. A Delcatty.
    “HAW! You expect to beat both of us with that thing! That poor excuse belongs in a Pokemon Contest! We’ll tear it to shreds!”

    Stan and Delcatty ignored the taunts.

    “Hey Delcatty?”

    Delcatty turned and faced it’s trainer.

    “Del? Catty del?”

    “Rip those two to shreds.”
    Oh crap. Scary. ;-; I wouldn't mess with a Delcatty. Those little bastards are frightening...


    Thanks to ShinySandshrew of serebiiforums for the banner!

  5. #125
    I need beer money dammit! Rob Anybody's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 22 up now! Comments welcome!)

    It may be cute, but, I wouldn't wanna get on a Delcatty's bad side...
    I don't calculate stat values, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are. I just play the game normally. If you agree copy & paste this in your sig.

    ALL BOW BEFORE THE MIGHTY HYPNOTOAD!


    Garrus Vakarian Facts


    My Fic: Fabricati Diem, Pvnc Help a struggling writer! Read and review! Constructive criticism is much appreciated!

  6. #126
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 22 up now! Comments welcome!)

    And his most powerful pokémon issss...
    Delcatty. haha

    Another great chapter, didn't pick out any major faults, and I can't wait to see these guys get owned by Delcatty!
    Last edited by some colour no doubt; 13th January 2011 at 09:38 AM.

  7. #127
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 22 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Thanks for the comments guys! I thought him having a Delcatty would be a silly but nice touch.

  8. #128
    Raja of Pala VirtualAnomaly's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 22 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Overall, great story. Sorry it took so long for me to get to it. I've really been missing out lol. Anyway, great story man.

  9. #129
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 22 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Thanks pal! And it's awesome that you joined!

  10. #130
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 22 up now! Comments welcome!)

    New rule: I’m not going to promise when a new chapter will be out. I missed my week update, and that resulted in writer’s black. So I’ll try to get a new chapter up regularly, but as of now I’m not going to say, I’ll just put a mental timeframe on myself.

    Well, here’s Chapter 23 of Look. It was a fun chapter to write once I got into it. I hope you all enjoy it.



    “Look”
    Chapter 23, Saga 3
    By RaccoonGoon.


    -------------------------------

    The Sevii Islands were stunning, to say the least. Lush, green plant life decorated the land. Vivid, blue waters surrounded the islands and reached on to distant lands. The sky, the wide, grand sky was dotted with small puffy clouds, providing a tiny amount of shade in certain areas. Looker was almost enjoying the weather.

    Or, he would have been enjoying the nice climate if he wasn’t thinking of his upcoming task. Through the trees an outline of a building was coming into view. Looker’s shoulders brushed against branches and tree trunks while his eyes lead him closer to the plain looking building, his interest propelling him. It was a metal warehouse with light green markings on the side.

    “This must be from the Old War….” he whispered to himself.

    Squatting down he hastily pulled out his notepad and scratched out a few things, all the while keeping his gaze on the warehouse. The two suspects had to be in there, it was the only shelter in the whole meadow. It was well hidden, however. A wall of trees was shielding it from view. Were the trees planted there for that reason? Had the trees just grown around it naturally?

    Looker shook his head and stood up. He didn’t have time to worry about trees. He grabbed Croagunk’s Pokeball and tossed it out in front of him. Croagunk stretched his arms and turned to his trainer.

    “Croa.”

    “Ok buddy, I have a hunch the men we’re looking for are hiding in that old warehouse. We have to go in there and take a look.”

    The two nodded at one another and carefully began to creep towards the seemingly normal building. The metal walls were worn and speckled with dust and dirt. The nuts and bolts were rusted, and small cracks and openings were beginning to form in-between the metal sheets. Looker and Croagunk scanned the West wall until he found a window. Thinking out his plan on last time he slowly peered inside.

    The interior of the building was fairly normal looking. Formal looking squares tiled the floors, a cluster of cubicles and offices were near the far side of the buildings, and against the back wall were various jail cells, apparently used for holding insubordinate soldiers or criminals. Right by the main doors was a old black board along with an ancient looking film projector. Looker was amazed this place had once been used for war. It was so…old.

    A faint light caught his eye. It was coming from the office area. People were in there, Looker knew it.

    “C’mon Croagunk, the only way in is through the front door.”

    The Poison/Fighting Type nodded once again and followed Looker around the building and to the double doors. The doors were made of stern looking metal, and an obvious locking mechanism was placed next to them, albeit in terrible shape. Buttons were missing and the casing was bent.

    “Hm..if this things busted, then….”

    Looker grasped the handle and pulled, opening the door with ease.

    “Great!” whispered the excited I.P. Agent.

    The duo slipped into the building, making sure to ease the door back shut.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------

    “Mightyena!” Mel, a Team Spade member called out to his savage Dark Type.

    “Use Shadow Ball on that wimp!”

    A darkish energy formed inside the Pokemon’s mouth as it locked on the Stan’s Delcatty.

    Rex stepped forward.

    “Sandslash, use Swift!”

    The two enemy Pokemon charged their attacks side by side and fired, tiny golden stars flying along with the dark energy orb.

    “Delcatty! Dodge the attacks and use Double Slap on Sandslash!”

    The Prim Pokemon bounded over the double attack, which destroyed a portion of the cement wall. Delcatty landed in front of the Mouse Pokemon and swiped it’s paw at Sandslash’s face, slapping it on one side, the then other, cuasing little damage but annoying the Ground Type.

    “RRG! Your little puke is gonna pay!” Rex roared.

    “Sandslash, Crush Claw! Crush Claw until that things dead!”

    Delcatty weaved and dodged the Slash attacks one after. The fury in Sandslash’s eyes grew more intense with every misses attack. This was turning into a game of cat and mouse, literally.

    “Mightyena! Bite!”

    Occupied with avoiding Sandslash, Mightyena jumped and sunk it’s sharp fangs into Delcatty’s back, sending a sharp pain through the Normal Type.

    “Ah! Delcatty! Use Sing!”

    Delcatty shook Mightyena off and opened it’s delicate mouth in hopes of producing sleep-inducing notes, but the pain was still ringing in it’s back. Only a small screech was heard: Delcatty had flinched.

    “Ahaha! Sandslash, do another Crush Claw!”

    Sandslash tightened it’s claws and rushed the now bleeding Pokemon, going in for the kill.

    “Delcatty! Try to dodge it!”

    Delcatty fought the pain and leaped to the left, narrowly avoiding the attack. Sandslash couldn’t stop, and continued to run until his claw connected to the wall. Sandslash, for now, was stuck.

    Stan smirked. “Looks like you’ve hit a wall. Like, y’know, an actual wall!”

    “Tuanting won’t help you, lawman. Mightyena, go in for another Bite to the back!”

    Mightyena reared back and lunged at Delcatty, sharp teeth exposed.

    “Ok Delcatty! Use that special attack I taught you! The TM move!”

    Delcatty sprung to where Mightyena had over-shot her, positioning herself directly beneath the Bite Pokemon. Before Mightyena had time to land, a powerful beam of reddish, orange energy shot from the smaller Pokemon’s mouth, engulfing Mightyena in the attack. It flew upward, the Hyper Beam tearing away at it’s flesh. Before slamming into the ceiling, which cracked from the impact. It seemed that Mightyena clung to the ceiling, body smoldering, before limply falling to the equally hard floor, knocked out.

    “Great job Delcatty!”

    Delcatty weakly purred, smoke still billowing from it’s mouth. It had to recharge.

    “Mel you idiot! You’ll pay for this!”

    Mel returned his Pokemon and joined the other Spade Members on the far side of the bunker, watching the heated battle.

    Rex, now furious at the turn of events, noticed something. Sandslash’s claw was stuck in pure concrete. It was possible to command it to use Rock Throw with a chunk of concrete! He still had time to call the attack out before Delcatty recharged! A grin returned to his sickly face.

    “Sandslash, Rock Throw! Use a chunk of the wall! Quick!”

    Sandslash blinked, making sure his trainer was serious, then ripped a large chunk of concrete directly from the wall with his left claw.

    Stan gulped. “Hurry Delcatty! Recharge and avoid it!”

    But it was too late. Sandslash had heaved the large mass directly at the injured Pokemon, who took the attack full force to the side. The concrete chunk exploded, sending smaller stone fragments in all directions. Delcatty let out a painful cry and landed, writhing in pain. It was sure to have broken ribs.

    “Ahahaha! Sandslash, go in for the kill! Crush Claw that thing’s head!”

    Stan began to shake. Was this man serious? Would he actually kill a Pokemon? Could he kill a Pokemon? Not Delcatty….Not her…he had rescued her as a Skitty from a pack of Zigzagoons,,, anybody but Delcatty. He had to act fast.

    Sandslash leaped into the air, claws tightened and outstretched. It had no problems with killing another living thing. It enjoyed it.

    “Delcatty! Before it gets to you, do your fourth move! Now!”

    Delcatty slowly moved to it’s feet, but Sandslash reached it before it could attack. Sharp claws swiped at Delcatty’s legs, sending the injured Pokemon to the far-right wall, bleeding profusely.

    “Delcatty, hang in there! C’mon! You have to do Giga Impact!”

    At these words Rex dropped his thin jaw.

    “Are you crazy! That’ll make this place crumble! You’ll have this place fall right on top of us!”

    “And? Us I.P. Officers have a saying- “No matter the cost. Law trumps all.””

    “You maniac! Sandslash, kill that thing before it attacks!”

    Once again Sandslash rushed at Delcatty, powerful claws outstretched. Delcatty weakly stood, blood running fro m the gashes on it’s legs and Bite wound on it’s back. /it was time to end all this. She looked to Stan, confident smirk on face, bold eyes behind the sunglasses never faltering. She had to win this- No matter the cost.

    With a tribal snarl, Delcatty dashed at Sandslash, pain pounding at it’s legs, but still moving forward. At top speed a bluish energy formed around the Normal Type, with orange flares shooting out behind the attack. Delcatty was running as fast as she could now, energy flowing through her. Sandslash began to slow down, took back by the sight of a seemingly pointless Pokemon muster such a powerful attack. This was one thing it couldn’t sink it’s claws into.

    The Giga Impact connected right in the center of the enemy Pokemon, sending both combatants into the far left wall, where they crashed, causing a huge explosion. Pieces of concrete flew everywhere, the cots were scattered by the shock wave, and the bunker was instantly filled with smoke.

    The Spade members panicked. They ran about, trying to find the exit through the thick smoke. Stan was covering his mouth while trying to make his way forward in hopes of arresting Rex. A crash and a scream cut through the pandemonium.

    “Oh God! My leg! AAUUGHH!”

    It was Rod. Before another word was uttered, another crash was heard. The ceiling was breaking apart. Running on sheer terror, Stan ran through the smoke, arms outreached. A part of the ceiling almost hit him, Mel almost clipped him with a punch, but nothing was going to stop him.

    The ceiling was breaking apart faster now, along with the walls. A rumbling came from the structure. The bunker wouldn’t last much longer. Suddenly, a clearing in the smoke revealed Rex, desperately trying to slide by the other men to escape. Hoping over a piece of concrete, Stan tackled the man to the ground, making sure to hold him down.

    “Get off me you fucking idiot! The whole place is coming down! We’ll all be crushed!”

    “We’ll live. Trust me.”

    The last thing that Rex saw or heard was Stan chuckling to himself as the bunker collapsed on itself, along with four other men inside it.

    --------------------------------------------------------

    Above ground, the scenery was the same. The sun was shining, the waves were washing up on the beach, then being drawn back into the ocean. The residents felt a small quake under the earth, but it only lasted for a split second. It was nothing, really. Not a thing was changed on Two Island. Above ground, at least.

    -------------------------------------------------------

    Darkness was all that could be seen and pressure was all that could be felt.

    Stan had loads of broken stone on his back, causing him to take short, desperate gasps of air between the spasms of pain. Below him was Rex, also being pinned down by the rubble, he to in severe pain.

    “Y-You’re crazy….”

    “Th-th-thuh….”

    Stan breathed in the dusty air.

    “That’s how I get the job done, pal….”

    Moans from the others were staring to sound. At least a couple of them were alive. For now.

    “Delcatty, are you…a-are you ok?” Stan called out to his Pokemon.

    After a few seconds of silence, a faint “Catty…” responded.

    Rex, who had forgotten his Pokemon was caught in the destruction also called out.

    “Sandslash…answer me….”

    A few seconds of silence. No response.

    Stan tried to push some rubble off his back and managed another chuckle.

    “Looks like my Pokemon won.”

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Thank you all for reading! Feel free to leave any comments, tips, or criticism!

    Next Chapter- Looker in action!

    And for this chapter’s bonus point question- What cartoon was I trying to reference with the battle between Delcatty, Sandslash, and Mightyena?

    25 points to whoever answers correctly!

  11. #131
    Rocking the Lucario Thundagere's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 23 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Tom and Jerry.
    Well done overall! I really think this battle was good; among the best I've seen yet. At lest Delcatty wasn't too powerful.
    A few mistakes here and there, like random slashes.
    Your description is amazing! That battle was really on top of things! Man, that is one cat I never want to meet.

    Made by Blue Dragon!

  12. #132
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 23 up now! Comments welcome!)

    25 points to you good sir! Thanks for reading!

  13. #133
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 23 up now! Comments welcome!)

    One thing you can do. You know, you never really need a slash in a writing piece. Use the find feature to find and replace all slashes to get rid of accidental slashes.

    Made by Blue Dragon!

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    Registered User Ian D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 23 up now! Comments welcome!)



    Thanks to ShinySandshrew of serebiiforums for the banner!

  15. #135
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 23 up now! Comments welcome!)

    yay for Delcatty! I suppose blowing up the building was a downside but ah well nevermind the job got done :p
    Also curious to see what Looker finds...

    Grammar wise, there was the odd mistake here and there, but nothing that screamed out at me so overall, well done and keep it up!

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