Nitpicks, errors, and highlights!
The sky, the wide, grand sky was dotted with small puffy clouds, providing a tiny amount of shade in certain areas.
While with good intentions, this sentence doesn't particularly sound right to me. You've already established it's the sky you're speaking of... it's sort of repetitive. I'd say something along the lines of...
The sky, grand and wide, was dotted with small puffy clouds, providing a tiny amount of shade in certain areas.
Of course, it's just me nitpicking. Don't have to edit it if you prefer the original. :3
Thinking out his plan on last time he slowly peered inside.
I think you mean "one last time"?
“Sandslash, Crush Claw! Crush Claw until that things dead!”
"that things". This implies that there's more than one thing. I'm assuming you mean "thing's" - the contraction of "thing" and "is".
The fury in Sandslash’s eyes grew more intense with every misses attack.
This was turning into a game of cat and mouse, literally.
Occupied with avoiding Sandslash, Mightyena jumped and sunk it’s sharp fangs into Delcatty’s back,
It's odd, but the plural form of it is not "it's". "it's" is a contraction of "it" and "is". When pluralizing "it" just add an s. One of the odder grammar rules.
“Ahahaha! Sandslash, go in for the kill! Crush Claw that thing’s head!”
Stan began to shake. Was this man serious? Would he actually kill a Pokemon? Could he kill a Pokemon? Not Delcatty….Not her…he had rescued her as a Skitty from a pack of Zigzagoons,,, anybody but Delcatty. He had to act fast.
Sandslash leaped into the air, claws tightened and outstretched. It had no problems with killing another living thing. It enjoyed it.
May I say you do intensity amazingly well?
“And? Us I.P. Officers have a saying- “No matter the cost. Law trumps all.””
"Hey, RaccoonGoon. IanDonyer once told me, 'When a quote is used inside quotation marks, use apostrophes instead of more quotation marks'. Pretty interestin', huh?"
/it was time to end all this
The heck is with that slash? Remove it and capitalize the I.
The last thing that Rex saw or heard was Stan chuckling to himself as the bunker collapsed on itself, along with four other men inside it.
Stan breathed in the dusty air.
“That’s how I get the job done, pal….”
HAHA, YOU GO, STAN.
Amazing chapter. You do intensity amazingly well, and your battle scenes are awesome - a lot more realistic than most people's. Kudos to you for that.
Hurry up and get the next one out!