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  1. #76
    Game on. The Miniryu's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 11 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Im glad i made you make this a series.... Story=Awesome. Pikablu. Lolz. Marill!
    The wind howls...The rain pours...A figure appears in the darkness...The Minryu approaches..............

  2. #77
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 12 up now! Comments welcome!)


    Chapter 12, Saga 2.

    Noctowls hooted as Looker and Croagunk crept through the thin-barked trees, a flashlight making a safe path for them to follow. The night time air was cool and the stars illuminated the darkness for forty-nine other Trainees working towards the same goal:

    Find the missing suitcase using only your Pokemon, a flashlight, and any clues you find.

    “Easier said than done.” Looker thought, straining his eyes at the ground and kicking over clumps of dried leaves.

    “Croagunk- croa!” Croagunk agreed, growing tired of the pointless walking.

    Suddenly, a glimmering item reflected in the flashlight’s beam, catching the duos attention.

    “A clue!” He said with interest, holding up his right index finger and taking a striking stance.

    Croagunk picked up the reflective object and held it up while Looker shone his flashlight on it, examining it carefully.

    “A button! Just as I thought!” he expressed, beginning to pace back and forth.

    Croagunk raised an eyebrow, further quizzing the young man.

    “The suitcase thief must be missing a button from his coat, so his coat must be falling apart…Wait! Hold up that button again Croagunk!”

    The Poison-Fighting type obeyed and lifted the silver button to the light.

    A small, dark blue thread was still clinging onto the button.

    “Ahah! So the culprit is wearing a blue jacket with silver buttons! Just as suspec-”

    He paused. His eyes widened. The only people that were wearing blue clothes with silver buttons were….

    “,,,,,International Police Officers!” he yelled, the realization hitting him like a Giga Impact.


    “B-but why would they steal it…unless this was some trick test….or maybe somebody actually did lose a button…but it doesn’t look like it’s been here that long…..but what Officer was missing a button? “

    Looker crouched down and began to rub his temples. His head was spinning with questions he didn’t have answers for. He thought all the Officers he had seen that day. I.P. director Cullen…no, no way he would lose a button in a forest. Officer Smith…no, he had all his buttons on his uniform……Officer Stan…now that fit. He seemed to be the kind of guy to keep poor care of his uniform…and he would also convince all the Trainees to go walk through a forest all night…he was a prankster! It all made sense! Had he intentionally left his button out in the forest just to see if anyone would figure his rouse out?

    “Hmph! Ok Croagunk, if there is no suitcase in this forest then we don’t have to worry about the others finding it. We’re going to back track, find Officer Smith, and see if there really is a suitcase in here. Got it?”

    The blue Pokemon nodded and pumped his right fist.

    The two ran off the opposite way they came from, the dried leaves cracking as they went.

    Looker gazed at the button as he ran silently, running his thumb over the smooth object. He steadied the flashlight on it, amazed at his luck of finding something that small in a forest. He was about to say something to Croagunk when he ran into a tree with a thud.

    “Oof! Better watch where I’m g-”

    Before he could finish a flock of bird-like Pokemon fluttered from the tree top, cawing from being interrupted. The small Dark/Flying-Types had corn yellow talons and beaks, piercing red eyes, and drab black feathers. Their tails resembled a broom and their heads looked like witches hats.

    “Uh…sorry for waking you……”

    The group of Murkrow squawked and flew around the two figures, flapping their wings and pecking at the air.

    “Ok, ok, look, we’re going now….”

    As Looker raised u, the light from the flashlight hit the button, causing it to let out a brilliant shimmer, causing the Murkrow’s eyes widen and increase their crazed flapping.

    “Um….Croagunk, I think these things are crazy…..”

    Before Croagunk could reply, the flock of Murkrow swooped down on Looker, trying to reach the gleaming object in his hand.

    “Get off me! Ah! Get away!”

    The Murkrow were pecking at his hands, their sharp little talons scratching at his body. He was glad his trench coat was thick enough that the scratches didn’t get to his flesh. Black feathers flew from the air in a mad frenzy as the cawing grew louder.

    “Croagunk, run!”

    The two darted off, many of the Murkrow following them, trying to get the prized button, still pecking and flapping, cawing at their loudest.

    “Argh! Get away you bird-brains!”

    One Murkrow swooped down near Croagunk and pecked it’s yellow beak on top of the Poison/Fighting Type’s head.

    Furrowing his brow, Croagunk stopped, crouched down, and balled tightened his three fingers on both hands. They began to glow a vivid purple as more and more Murkrow flew towards the other Pokemon. When the group of them were in range, he sprang up and began to jab at them with glowing purple fingers. He broke one’s beak, he snapped one’s wing, he jabbed one right in the gut. Croagunk was using Poison Jab! Each hit left a nasty purple spatter shaped bruise on the Murkrow, and Croagunk still attacked until each one had fallen.

    “Croagunk! Great job!”


    Croagunk relaxed his fingers and crossed his arms, throwing his head high and examining the now flightless Murkrow. Each one writhed in pain when they tried to take off. Must have been poisoned.


    “Damn it Stan, you lost another button.” Officer Smith noticed as he made his way to the coffee maker.

    “Captain Welker is going to have fit at the next inspection.”

    The man with old sunglasses looked down at his jacket, looking at the small tear located near the center of the torso.

    “Heh, so I am. Must of got snagged by a branch or something when I snuck up to the luggage to grab the suitcase. No big deal.”

    Smith poured the hot, dark liquid into a coffee mug, letting the steam lift into the air. He returned to his spot on a worn couch and took a few gulps of coffee.

    “You think one of the Trainees will figure out the suitcase isn’t out there?” The older Officer asked.
    “Pff, no. They might get tired of looking, but they won’t stop looking. That’s the funny thing about Trainees- They’ll believe anything.” he replied with a smirk, again propping his feet on the “missing” suitcase.


    Looker and Croagunk exited the forest and face a large complex of radio antennas and varied buildings. Little speckles of lights blanketed the area, and a low hum was emmiting from all of the small A/C units scattered around the small island.

    “Ok, If Officer Stan walked that way…then…..”

    He began to trace a path with his finger, trying to think of where Stan would be.

    “I think that building next to the cafeteria has some Officers in it….Ok Croagunk, sneak up to the window and see if Officer Stan is in there.”

    The blue-skinned creature nodded and silently approached the building, the yellow light spilling from the window. Very carefully he peered over the window sill, scanning the lounge.

    A man, back to the window, was sitting, sipping coffee, while another man, sitting opposite the first, had his feet placed on a suitcase, hands folded, smirk on his face.

    Slapping his three-fingered fist into his palm, Croagunk crept away from the window back to Looker.

    “Well, is Officer Stan in there?” he asked, crouching down eye level to the Pokemon.

    “Croa!” Croagunk confirmed, nodding his head.

    “And the suitcase? Was he missing a button on his uniform?” The though of solving the “crime” was exciting. Adreniline pumped through his veins as he began to look over to the lounge.

    “Croagunk!” Croagunk confirmed again, orange cheek sacs flaring.

    “Ok, lets get in there and get that suitcase!”

    Without thought he sprinted towards the lounge, Croagunk trying to keep up, and flung open the door. He took a breathe and stepped inside the building.

    “Officer! I solved the case! The culprit, the suitcase thief is no other than…..”

    The two adults were speechless as the kid in the trench coat slowly turned away slightly before he whipped back around, right finger outstretched at Stan.

    “Officer Stan!!!”

    By this time Croagunk had entered the building as well and took the same striking pose.

    Still, the two Officers were dumbfounded, silent as they witnessed a Trainee barge into the building and flail around like he did.

    Silent, until Smith let out a deep, haughty laugh.

    “Ahahahahha!!! Looks like your prank days are done, Stan! We finally got a Trainee that caught you!”

    Smith set down his coffee mug and wiped away a tear of laughter while Stan stood up and picked up the brownish suitcase.

    “Now hold on Smith. How does this tipsy Trainee know that I didn’t go into the forest and find the suitcase myself? Lets see some clues kid, have any evidence?”

    Although Stan was facing Looker, almost interrogating him, he still acted like it was all a joke, making Looker all the more confident.

    “You see, Officer, I do happen to have a clue…” he ruffles in his pocket. “This silver button, which I may add, is the same type button used on International Police uniforms. And you seem to be missing a button. Am I correct, Officer?”

    Looker beamed. He was acting like a detective, and he loved it. Stan admired his courage and guts, and let out a chuckle. Smith just sat, silly smile on his face, watching it all.

    “Ok, ok, valid point kid. But maybe I lost that button while I tussled with the real suitcase thief. Ever think about that?”

    Looker though……was he stumped now? Had he and Croagunk fought with that flock of Murkrow for nothing? No, it was a test, they had said.

    “Well, sure. But the information you gave us was that this was a test. There was no suitcase thief, well, besides you,” he leaned forward and punched the older man on the shoulder “So it would have to be a Officer or somebody else to hide the suitcase, either in the forest or somewhere else. Now, since we’re Trainees, you wanted to put us through an initiation, so what better way than a wild Farfetch’d hunt? But- you just wanted to see if anyone would figure the prank out, so you ripped off a button, hid it in a clump of leaves, and sat and waited if anyone would notice it.”

    Looker paused. He was on fire now. Nothing could stop him from passing Test number Two.

    Smith sat in his chair, mouth hanging open. Was a Trainee, a kid who had barely been here a day, figuring out a fake test that was meant to be a silly prank?
    “And you…” Stan managed to say, smile slowly turning into a laugh.

    “And we found it, yes.”

    Looker and Croagunk both crossed their arms at the same time, heads held high.

    The two Officers began to laugh loudly. Somebody had finally beat the age-old traditional prank. Stan handed Looker the suitcase, still laughing like a mad-man.

    Looker felt like the king of the world, felt like he could take on anything. Him and Croagunk, of course. They were now partners through and through.

    “Ahahahahehehe…hoohoo…whats your name, kid?” Stan asked between laughs, placing his hand on the younger boys shoulder.

    “Looker, sir. Looker.” he replied, barely able to contain his excitement.

    “Looker, you’re the only person in the history of the International Police to pass Test Number Two. You’ll do just fine here.”

    End Chapter 12.


    Here it is. Tell me what you think! Comments, tips, and criticism all welcome!

    Next Chapter will be up sometime next week.

  3. #78
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 12 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Don't you dare text me in the middle of the night about this. I saw it and will read it tomorrow.

  4. #79
    I need beer money dammit! Rob Anybody's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 12 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Test Number Three: Find an Aerodactyl in the trees!
    I don't calculate stat values, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are. I just play the game normally. If you agree copy & paste this in your sig.


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  5. #80
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 12 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Here’s Chapter 13. This chapter finishes up Saga 2, where Looker finally gets into the International Police. If you read please try take a little time to leave a comment, they always help. Well, here it is, Chapter 13.



    Chapter 13, Saga 2.

    Looker’s time at International Police HQ went better and better.

    He and the other boy Trainees grew to know one another, ten to a cabin. He and Greg especially, both learning from one another. During the day they would all put on their training uniform, which consisted of a blue long-sleeved shirt, blue pants, and black sneakers. In the morning they ate breakfast, exercised, before lunch was study time, then lunch, then class, then physical activity, dinner, nightly meeting, then bed.

    Although he loved physical activities, class was probably his favorite part of the island. They learned about all the Regions, from Hoenn (the Region he had sailed by during his sailing days) to Orre, a harsh desert Region. They learned tactics and strategies on how to conduct research, gather information, and how to interrogate. They learned how to conduct themselves while on a case, they learned how to deal with certain Pokemon, how to adapt to different cultures, and how to think on your feet.

    All this fascinating information was invaluable to Looker, because, after all, without knowledge, can one have power to prevent wrong-doings?

    Physical activities were pretty fun as well. They were mostly field tests, but a few survival exercises were thrown in for good measure. At one point they all had to do a staged stake-out, making sure Officer Stan doesn’t sneak into the cafeteria after hours.

    And the sweet, sweet time before bed, where random thoughts were fueled by weariness and excitement. All the pranks, all the antics, all the shenanigans- they all fed the fire of comradely among them all. It didn’t help that the Trainee’s Pokemon got involved in it all.

    At the end of every week a test was given to see what you’ve learned the past 7 days. The test included multiple choice, matching, and essays, some Looker always excelled at. Depending on your score, you get an amount of I.P. points, points which determine your roll in the International Police. The higher your test scores, the more points you get, the more points, the more rewarding of a role.

    He always made top marks, therefore receiving a large amount of points each week. This made him grow in favor with the teachers and Officers, even I.P. Director Cullen noticed how bright he was.

    “With the way your racking in the points, you may just take my job in a few weeks.” Cullen once remarked to him during a cabin inspection.

    Stan seemed to take a liking to him as well, commenting that he was “A snazzy guy with a snazzy coat.” He always recommended that Looker be partnered with him on certain field exercises, and the two grew to be great friends, sharing jokes, talking about life, and Stan even shared some tips with him.

    After about two months on the island, Looker’s birthday came. He was now eighteen years old, legally an adult. He didn’t feel any different, any older, but he was glad he could now where his father’s trench coat with a nice fit.

    On his birthday his name was called during lunch. He put away his food tray and walked to the makeshift stage up to Officer Craig, another Officer on the island.

    “Got some mail, Looker-buddy.” the brown headed man said, holding out a plain white envelope.

    “Thanks.” he said, taking the letter.

    Sitting down, he examined the piece of mail. Written on the front in neat hand writing was

    To: Looker -(the rest of the ink was smudged)
    From: Johanna

    Send to: I.P. HQ Island
    Sent from: Twinleaf Town, Sinnoh

    “Johanna!” he exclaimed out loud, startling Greg seated across from him.

    He tore open the envelope and began to read the enclosed letter.

    “Read it to us Looker!” another Trainee said. Looker cleared his throat.

    “Dear Looker,
    How have you been? How the International Police? My Contest days are going great! My grandmother was wondering about you, and so was I, so I’m writing for the both of us. She sends her well wishes. But anyway, how long until you get to come home? Surely raining there won’t take that long! I was in Eterna City and ran into your old boss, Rad Rickshaw. We got to talking and he told me when your birthday was.. I hope this letter won’t get to you late! I would send you a gift, but I don’t know if they allow packages to be sent there. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure to make it up to you when you get home! My grandmother can’t wait to see you again, and I really miss you. A lot. Well, I don’t want to blabber, so best of luck!

    Your girl,

    The rest of the guys seated around Looker began to laugh and pat him on the back, spouting out what any boys their age would do-

    “Yeah-heh-heh Looker! Get you some!”
    “Aw right buddy, you have some poon-tang waiting for you when you get home!”
    “Seems like a cute girl…..tell her I’ll see her tonight! Zing!”

    He began to laugh at it all, the witty remarks some of the guys think of, but he knew they were joking and having a good time.

    Looker leaned back in his chair, re-reading the letter. Things were going great and only getting better. It was the best birthday he ever had.


    Another month zipped by, and soon final days of training were happening.

    There would be one final test, to see what you’ve learned the past three months. There would be the role assignments, to be given to the Trainees that would become Deputies. Some Trainees would advance straight to Agent, if they had enough points, but only one person had ever done that- Director Cullen.

    Finally, after training was done, there would be a two week break to return home to rest and prepare.

    The last nigh in the cabin the guys talked about what roles they would get. Some were hoping for Forensics Deputy, others just wanted to be plain Officers, doing simple yet rewarding jobs like training, and taking care of minor investigation work for small crimes. There was one roll, however, that was amazingly hard to get to for a Trainee- the role of an Agent. The Field Agent, sent to tackle the toughest crimes and mystery, having the chance to explore the world as a whole. It was nigh impossible for a Trainee to advance straight to the roll of an Agent, but one had before- Director Cullen.

    The last day of training went fast. Looker finished the test with ease and time to spare, so he turned in his training clothes early. He waited with the forty-nine other Trainees outside of a formal looking office. One at a time they were called in and assigned their roles.

    Greg was called in ahead of Looker.

    “Good luck buddy.” he said, patting his friend on the back.

    After a few minutes, Greg exited, face red. He didn’t glance at anyone else and walked straight through the door, eyes glued to the ground.

    Before Looker could think about that, his name was called.

    He shut the door behind him and took a seat. Behind a desk was Officer Stan Lyke, grinning ear to ear.

    “Looker-buddy, you’re sharp as a Beedrill, y’know that?” the uniformed man said, rapping his fingers on his desk.
    “Thanks Officer. So, how many I.P. points do I have?” he asked, gripping the handles on the chair.

    “Well, you showed great skill during training courses, the Officers around here like you, and you aced every test, even the final one. The average Trainee usually gets about eight hundred to fifteen hundred points…..”

    Looker leaned forward.

    “You’ve wracked up about five thousand points! That’s almost a record!” the older man beamed.

    “Almost a record? Who beat me?”

    “Director Cullen, about forty years ago.” Stan grinned. “Five thousand and three points.”

    Looker was impressed he had come that close to the esteemed Director.

    “Now, for you role….. Because of your superb record here, you’ll be by-passing the Deputy stage and advancing on faster than most. You’ll be a Field Agent….”

    Looker nearly jumped for joy. That was one of the highest positions you could get. It took years for Deputies to reach that goal. He…he was higher in rank than Stan himself!

    “…however, since you’re a fairly young man, only eighteen if I’m correct. So, because of this, Cullen and other Captains and Lieutenants want you to be supervised by a member that has been on the force for awhile before we let you go out there alone. You’ll be learning the ropes from this member for a couple of months, depending on how you progress.”

    “Well that isn’t so bad, who’s going to supervise me?” he asked, not too upset with the fact someone had to escort him on his first few missions.

    “You’re looking at him!” Stan laughed.

    “Awright! Neat!” Looker was overjoyed at the partnership. Stan, himself, and Croagunk were going to be a team for awhile. He could live with that.

    “Here’s your badge to show you’re now apart of the International Police. In two weeks you’ll return here for briefing, then we’ll head out. See you then.” he said, sliding a golden badge across the table.

    It was smooth and ornate, the I.P. symbol pressed in the center. It had a sharp pin on the back of it, allowing it to be attached to clothing.

    The newest member of the International Police stood up and shook Stan’s hand.

    Before he exited to walk towards the S.S. Condria to return home, he turned around and asked-

    “Hey, what role did Greg get? He seemed upset or something.”

    “Oh yeah, the guy was assigned to be a Cook in the cafeteria. Pretty crummy test history.”

    “Oh, ok. See you in two weeks.”

    He exited and strode towards the huge ship. He was upset about his friend getting a bum role, but nothing could stop him from grinning.

    He was king of the world. He did it. He was one of the most acclaimed Trainee ever. Finally, after going through hearth ache, after four years of being a runaway, of living on his own, he was going to stop crime all over and make his late-father proud.

    On the ship he looked back at the island swarming with International Police members, something he was part of now, down at his new golden badge, and back at the island, red sun setting behind it. Looker’s brown eyes were full of pride, and they only saw great, great things.


    And so ends Saga 2 of “Look”! So I’ve covered his origins and how he entered the I.P.! Saga 3 will mostly be about Looker, Croagunk, and Stan on some early missions and other whacky adventures!

    Thanks for reading and keep reading! Any tips, comments, or criticism welcome, or feel free to leave a full review to tell me how I’m doing.


  6. #81
    I need beer money dammit! Rob Anybody's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 13 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Wow, a decent incentive to study hard! Will he visit Johanna? Or will he be straight into fieldwork?
    I don't calculate stat values, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are. I just play the game normally. If you agree copy & paste this in your sig.


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  7. #82
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 13 up now! Comments welcome!)

    And so begins Saga 3 of “Look”. Enjoy.



    Chapter 14, Saga 3.


    The voyage back to Sinnoh dragged on.

    It was a two day cruise, but Greg’s attitude seemed to slow everything down. He wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t walk around, and he ate very little. He couldn’t bare to look at the Pokeball containing his Golduck, couldn’t bare to image a fine specimen such as itself helping him cook in some sweaty kitchen. He just couldn’t. His eyes seemed to dart back and forth however. From the left to the right. His dull, grey eyes working like the little cogs inside an ancient clock. Although he was a beaten man with a crushed dream, he had fire in those dull eyes.

    Looker, the newly found International Police Agent, tried to comfort his friend, but Greg remained distant, not speaking a word.

    Finally, after docking in Pastoria City, Greg immediately gathered his luggage an ran off the ship, not even telling his friend goodbye. Looker frowned at this and began to stroke his chin, watching Greg run off to the east. To this day he gets upset at losing a friend.

    But, he still had friends at Eterna City. At home.

    Traveling north-west, Croagunk at his side inspecting his shiny new badge, Looker explained the whole situation to the Pokemon.

    “So we’ll stay in Eterna City for awhile, then go back, then work with Stan for a couple of months…then it’ll be me and you!”

    “Croagunk!” Croagunk was just as enthralled with the news as Looker was.

    They walked through Hearthome City late in the day and made it through Mt. Coronet with ease, much to Looker’s surprise. He was sure his old nemesis Ding-Bat the Golbat would try to attack him. Perhaps it had learned its lesson the last time.

    Late that night, the view of Eterna City came into view, the same buldings that stood when he first exited Mt. Coronet for the first time, four years ago, stood in the same spot as when he had left, as if to welcome him back. The sight of his adopted home, even at night, mixed the young man’s weariness with excitement. He was home. He began to run as fast as his wore out legs would allow, tired arms lugging his suitcase and trench coat flapping behind him. Croagunk, scurrying on short legs, kept up.

    He fled past the city limit sign and made a sharp left turn at the old, rustic statue, heading towards the Eterna Condominiums. He burst through the double glass doors of the three story building and walked up to the front desk. The same receptionist, the normal looking one with too much lipstick had fallen asleep reading a tacky fashion magazine.

    “Um…miss? I’m back….”

    With a light nudge her head snapped up and her eyes opened. She yawned and looked up.

    “Why, Lookie-dear! You’ve gotten bigger! Where have you been?”

    Like he always had to do when talking with this lady, he had to stop himself from face-palming.

    “I joined the International Police, I’m back here for a couple of weeks. Can I have my room key please?”

    The ditzy receptionist looked at him funny.

    “Hm? Speak normally Lookie-dear. I can’t understand you.”

    He sighed. He just wanted to rest in his own apartment.

    “I am an Agent of the International Police. Here I will stay for two weeks. The room key, it is what I’m after.”

    “Ohhh! A man in uniform? How professional! Here’s your room key.”

    She dug out a small metal key from a drawer and handed it to him.

    “Thank you.”

    Before he made it to the elevator, she spoke up again.

    “Aww! Who’s your little blue friend?” she asked, gushing over Croagunk, who was more than annoyed at being called “little”.

    “This is my partner, Croagunk.”

    “Well ain’t that something. Take care, Mr. Craogunky.”

    Croagunk slapped his hand to his face at the woman and continued to follow Looker into the elevator.

    Once the doors hut and they began to lift, Looker looked down and said-

    “Sorry, she isn’t too bright. You’ll get used to it though.”

    The two exited the elevator and entered Looker’s room, the same way he had left it.

    Exhausted, he threw his coat into the recliner, carefully placed his I.P. badge on the table, kicked off his shoes, and plopped down in the cool bed.

    The feel of the clean, soft sheets were amazing as he began to relax, thankful for being back in his own bed. He smelled his pillow, a smell he had missed while away. He heard the hum of the air conditioner and the fridge, a buzzing he had missed while away. He even missed seeing the paint on his wall while he was away. He had missed home.

    “Sleep anywhere, Croagunk.” he said on the verge of sleep, face half buried in his pillow.

    The blue skinned Pokemon hopped onto the sofa and stretched out. This was much better than the Great Marsh.

    Celia was surely already in bed, so he would have to go see her in the morning. He would ask about Johanna and about how she was doing. Had she really missed him? Would she be glad he was home? He also owed his old boss, Rad Rickshaw, a visit. He let all those thoughts drift away as peaceful sleep came upon him. Peaceful, peaceful sleep in his own home. There’s not a feeling quite like it.


    Brilliant golden rays of sun awoke Looker, the warmth tickling his face. He rose and steched his arms as he yawned. He stared out the window, watching his precious city come to life- Adults exiting their homes, kids beginning to play outside, Pokemon scampering with one another. The sun shone on the people and trees alike, bathing the whole town in a warm glow.

    The young man smiled, weary eyes still full of sleep barely open. He slid out of bed and made his way to his small kitchen. He passed Croagunk, who was still asleep across the sofa, orange cheek sacs expanding and dispending slowly.

    Pulling a soda out of his fridge, he opened it and began to drink the tasty liquid. He had missed the taste of soda as well. Instead of chugging the whole can in a few gulps he savored each drop. He was just so glad to be home.

    He then hung up his trench coat on the coat rack and tossed his suitcase into the closet. He pulled out a bowl from a cupboard above his steel sink and began to fill it with crunchy cereal. He retrieved some Moo Moo Milk, exported from a Miltank farm in Johto, and poured the nutritious substance on the flakes of cereal.

    He sat down at the wooden table and began to consume his breakfast, gazing out of the large window overlooking the lush green city. He looked at a wall clock. 9:38. He had missed waking in his own bed, when he wanted, and eating what he wanted. Which was funny, because when he had first left his home Region he didn’t miss his home there at all. He continued to munch on the cereal.

    Croagunk finally awoke and hopped off the sofa. He slowly clambered towards the table and looked up at his partner.
    “’Morning. Cereal?” he asked the stumpy looking creature, yawning as he scratched his back.

    “Croa.” he answered.

    Looker handed Croagunk the box of cereal.

    “Go crazy. After that we’ll have to clean up and go say hi to some people.”

    Croagunk lazily jumped into the other table chair and dug his long fingers into the cereal box, scooping up handfuls of grainy flakes and putting them to his mouth. The two nodded at each other and finished up breakfast.

    Looker unpacked his toothbrush and brushed his teeth and hopped in the shower, taking a long, hot shower. He combed down his hair and put on a fresh set of clothes. He picked up his I.P. badge from the table and pinned it to the inside of his coat. He threw the coat on and made sure the golden badge was supported.

    “Ok Croagunk, lets go say hello to Celia.”

    Croagunk nodded and stood next to Looker, ready to go.


    “Oh Looker! You’ve grown so much! And look at you! Your figure! You’re a man now!”

    Celia, the elderly woman who was nothing but nice, was overjoyed that the young man had remembered to visit her. Her old eyes seemed to sparkle with delight at the site of Looker standing in her small entry way.

    “And you’ve caught a Pokemon! A Croagunk! What a fine choice! Darn my manners, please, come sit! Sit!”

    She led them to her living room. The duo sat on an old couch wrapped in plastic while Celia sat in a wore out recliner.

    “So tell me about the International Police! How was it?”

    She leaned forward, the interest growing within her.

    Looker told about the island, about the tests and training, and about the voyage there and back. At the end of the telling he flashed his I.P. badge, holding open his coat to reveal the shiny pennant, much to Celia’s amusement.

    “You made it! Oh, you’ve made me so proud! Tell me, how long until you have to go back?”

    “About two weeks, then I go back and start my missions. Me and Croagunk, that is.”

    Croagunk winked his right eye at Celia.

    “How pleasant! Looker, I know you want to relax while your home, but can I ask you a favor?”

    “Of course, what is it?”

    “You remember my granddaughter, Johanna? She’s been missing you as well, and would like to spend more time with you some time. You wouldn’t mind doing that, would you?”

    Looker hardly thought spending time with a cute girl was a “favor”. He wouldn’t mind at all.

    “I wouldn’t mind at all. Just tell me when.”


    A damp, shady tavern, littered with beer bottles and pool tables, is close to closing. Day time had started and the place wouldn‘t see another Biker or Gambler for hours.. The bartender walks over to the door, preparing to lock it up. As he places his hand on the lock, a knock comes from outside.

    “Sorry pal, bars closed now.”

    Still, the knocking persists.

    “Listen buddy, we’ll be open tonight at-”

    Before the bartender could finish, a massive rock came crashing through the door, splintering the wood and striking the man right in the gut. The jagged boulder knocked the door from the frame and knocked the bartender back several feet. A Rock Throw attack. The mans air had been knocked out of him, and he cringed in pain, the boulder still on top of him.

    A group of men, about twenty of them, in simple street clothes entered the tavern, and crowded around the crushed bartender.

    A man with greasy black hair and a crooked nose entered last, a vicious looking Sandslash at his side.

    “I’m terribly sorry for the brash entrance, soda jerker, but we need to use this building as a meeting place.”

    The bartender tried to respond, but the rock was too heavy, only making the man weave for air.

    “I’m going to make my Sandslash here get that rock off of you, then you’ll leave this place and NOT tell the police, understand?”

    The man wracked with pain managed to nod.

    “Good. Sandslash, Crush Claw attack.”

    The brownish-tan Mouse Pokemon jumped up, sharp white claws glowing, and swiped at the boulder, powerful claws instantly making the boulder crumble and fall apart.

    The bartender got up and ran out of the bar, hand clutching his sore chest.

    The man with the crooked nose and mean eyes addressed the others.

    “Ok, now that we have a meeting place, we can get to business. How many of you caught Pokemon after we were sprung from Carvanha Prison?”

    Not a single man raised their hand.

    “Nobody?!? How are ever supposed to gain power without Pokemon?!? That’s why we failed at Hearthome during our trophy hiest! Only Mel had a Pokemon!”

    A man with a bandaged knee nodded and patted a Pokeball clipped on his belt.

    “So you bunch of meat heads are telling me that only me and Mel have Pokemon?”

    The mans anger was rising. His voice grew louder and his breathe heavy.

    Still, not a soul answered.

    “Very well then, that’ll be out first priority- Obtain Pokemon for the uprising of Team…uh…Team….”

    “I still say we’re Team Chivalry!”
    “No! Team Helicopter!”
    NO! If we have to have stupid name, we’re-”

    Enough! All of you! We’ll figure that out later! Now then, to the matter at hand……”


    Looker returns home to familiar faces! A group of ruffians are scheming an “Uprising”!

    But thanks for reading! Please, if you did read, try to take a few seconds to comment or review. Criticism and tips always welcome!

  8. #83
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 14 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Hahaha, I love the receptionist.

    One big thing. "To this day he gets upset at losing a friend" just seems... like a rushed, tossed-in line that you could really show throughout the course of the fic.

  9. #84
    Brock's Pikachu LightningTopaz's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 14 up now! Comments welcome!)


    Not having played Platinum, I don't know very much about Looker, and certainly don't know very much of his backstory. This was a very nice attempt to explain Looker's past--it is very much worthy of a longer story.

    In fact, the actual one shot that started the story made me interested in a longer story.

    My only advice would be to watch your grammar and word choice, as others have said.
    My URPG stats: Maya's status

    SuBuWriMo status: 28,103 words in all!

  10. #85
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 14 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Well, here's the impression that I got just from the first two parts, the one-shot proper:

    NOTE: This is not the rating I'm giving to the entire fic. But just to start off, because this was originally a one-shot.

    Characterization: 3/10

    Besides the introduction of his name, it seems like you're just giving the setting for the first part of another fic. (Which is what you did later on.)

    Grammar, style, and flow: 4/10

    Ehh, the event progression seemed a bit choppy. One moment you're describing the setting, and you just kinda jump into the narration. It could use a bit of smoothing out.

    You also had a few spelling errors here and there. And a few grammar errors, a few too many periods in an ellipsis...

    Topic/theme: 3/10

    I couldn't pick much of the main point of the one-shot out at all. The first part of it was okay, because it was just a small story that established Looker's name. But the second part was a little strange - it didn't seem like it had much of a purpose on its own. It was... just a scene, of Looker getting mauled by a Golbat. It didn't really seem to go anywhere.

    Overall rating: 30/100

    I have a feeling that it will be better from here on out. The main problem with the one-shot proper is that it's an incomplete idea.

    "Stay Shiney Ponytaboy!"
    So there's the Outsiders reference.
    Last edited by Zekurom; 24th October 2010 at 10:59 PM.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  11. #86
    I need beer money dammit! Rob Anybody's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 14 up now! Comments welcome!)

    I know! Team Rock Head!
    I don't calculate stat values, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are. I just play the game normally. If you agree copy & paste this in your sig.


    Garrus Vakarian Facts

    My Fic: Fabricati Diem, Pvnc Help a struggling writer! Read and review! Constructive criticism is much appreciated!

  12. #87
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 14 up now! Comments welcome!)

    WARNING- Looker and Johanna totally do it in this chapter, Rated M at that part.

    NOTES: I didn’t like to write that part at all. AT ALL. It was weird, strange, and just uncomfortable to write, but it plays a part further in the story, as well with the character of Greg, just please bare with me.


    Chapter 15, Saga 3.

    Two weeks back in Eterna City was like two weeks in paradise to Looker and Croagunk.

    For the first few days back home he and Croagunk visited with Celia, and she informed Looker that her granddaughter, Johanna, would be in town next week. The young man’s heart skipped at this.

    The duo walked around the town, taking in all of it’s natural beauty . The lovely green grass, the earthy smell of the air, the mighty trees, thick and strong. The sun shone and the sky supported a few small clouds, providing the perfect amount of shade.

    They visited Rad Ricksaw’s bike shop. Rad, the middle aged owner of the shop shook Looker’s hand and congratulated him on becoming an International Police Agent. He and Looker chatted about everything during his visit- The Regions economy, bike sales, law, weather, everything. They played a game of cards, including Croagunk, which Rad won.

    “Looker, I’m proud of you. You’ve become a very respectable young man.”

    “Thank you, sir. “

    “Pff, don’t you be calling a little bike shop owner “sir“, you uniformed cop.” Rad chuckled.

    The two men shook hands again and Looker and Croagunk left.

    For the rest of the first week they just lazed around, cleaned the apartment, and had soda drinking contests. Looker couldn’t wait until Johanna got into town. The two would re-unite and joke and laugh, hold hands while walking at sun set, and perhaps share a long kiss like they did a couple of years ago.

    His heart soared at the thought until, at last, the second week rolled around.

    Today was the day Johanna came. Looker woke up early, cleaned up his apartment and himself, and picked out the appropriate clothes.

    “Croagunk, wake up! Tidy up the sofa for Johanna!”

    Croagunk, less than pleased at being woke up, reluctantly folded up his blanket and small pillow and placed them on the hardwood floor next to the sofa.

    As Looker was making his bed a knock came at the door.

    Calming himself quickly by drinking a soda he walked over to the door and opened it, seeing the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
    Johanna had grown as well, her body mature and female curves present. She was wearing faded jeans and a light green, long sleeved shirt. Her hair was the same brilliant raven color, and her eyes sparkled. A small purse was hung over her right shoulder, dangling without the slightest care.

    “Looker!!!” she squealed, wrapping her thin arms around him, embracing him in a warm hug.

    “I missed you so much! You have to tell me everything!”

    She continued to hug him, not letting go.

    He laughed and hugged back.

    “I will, but how about we talk about it over dinner down at Larson’s?”

    “You got a reservation at Larson’s?!?”

    “Yep, a whole table just for us.” he said with a wink.

    At that point Croagunk walked over and eyed Johanna, making sure this girl was safe.

    “Oh! You caught a Croagunk! How cute!”

    She crouched down ad patted Croagunk on the head, which made him blush.

    “Haheh, yeah, me and Croagunk are partners.”

    Croagunk nodded.

    The three exited the apartment and made their way to the restaurant, located downtown.


    Larson’s restaurant was a bar and grill of sorts with delicious foods of all kinds, some from different Regions. The eating establishment was always busy because of this, and Pokemon were allowed to be out in the open, making it a hot-spot for traveling trainers and the like.

    The three entered the restaurant and greeted by a peppy waitress holding a clipboard and a bundle of menus.

    “Welcome! Do you have a reservation with us tonight?”

    “Yes, a table for Looker.”

    “Ah yes, Mr. Looker, right this way.”

    The waitress led them through the crowd of others and Pokemon to a small table towards the middle of the restaurant. The place was packed so much, Looker had to squeeze past others, leading Johanna by the hand, and Croagunk crawling between legs, to keep up with the waitress.

    “Can I start you off with an appetizer? Drinks?” she asked when the three were seated.

    “I’ll take a soda, same for Croagunk here.” Looker said.

    “I’ll take a soda too.” Johanna said.

    The waitress plopped down three menus and went to get the drinks.

    The couple talked and talked about the International Police and Pokemon Contests. They had missed each other, they missed seeing each other. The two were connected in a strange way, like two misshapen puzzle pieces that somehow fit together. They ate their delicious meal, they held each others hand across the table, and they looked longingly into each others eyes. Her small hand was warm in his, giving him his own warmth in his heart. He loved this girl, he knew he did.

    The restaurant slowly died down and people began to leave, with only Looker, Johanna, and Croagunk left. Croagunk had dozed off to sleep, plate full of mini-burgers half eaten. The lights were beginning to dim and the overhead music died down. Closing time.

    “Guess we should get going…..” he said, slapping down a few bills on the table, making sure to include a tip.

    “Thanks for the meal, it was great.”

    “You’re very welcome. Let me return Croagunk….”

    He dug out Croagunk’s Pokeball from his coat pocket and beamed the slumbering Pokemon back into the Pokeball.


    The two held hands as they walked back to the apartment. The stars were frozen high in the sky and the moon was shrouded behind wispy clouds. The street lights buzzed and golden yellow lights spilled from buildings. Johanna walked close to Looker, leaning her head on his shoulder.

    “You’ll be….ok in the International Police, won’t you? Nothing too dangerous?”

    She looked up into his eyes, showing concern.

    “I’ll be fine. I’ve been trained for anything……I promise.”
    He kissed her forehead, reassuring her.


    She tightened her grip on his hand and continued to walk.


    They reached Looker’s apartment. They stood by the door, waiting for the other to speak.

    “Well, I have to head back to Twinleaf Town now…..”

    “You mean you’re not staying with your grandmother?”

    She looked at Celia’s door, then back to Looker.

    “I wouldn’t want to wake her, the poor thing. She needs her rest.”

    She looked at him, devilish gleam in her eyes.

    “I can’t let you walk back to Twinleaf at night…….want to stay with me until morning?”

    It felt like his heart jumped up into his throat when he asked this. His palms went clammy. What would she say? Nobody wanted to walk to Twinleaf this time at night, she would have to walk through Eterna Forest and everything…….

    “Really? That would be so much easier! Thank you!”

    He opened the door, allowing her to enter first.

    “Croagunk can sleep in his Pokeball tonight, is the sofa all right for tonight?” he asked his guest, kicking off his shoes.

    “That’s fine with me. Mind if we watch some TV first? It helps me unwind…” she said sheepishly.

    “Sure, remotes on the table.”

    They sat on the sofa together and began to watch late night television. Talk shows, news, movies, advertisements, all the junk that shows on TV flashed brightly on the screen in the darkened apartment.

    Halfway through a comedians show, Looker turned to Johanna, tired eyes watching the flashing screen.

    “Johanna…what…what are we?”
    “Hm? What do you mean…like….” she also turned to face Looker.

    “Well…we’ve kissed and held hands…..and in your letter to me, you said……”

    It was obvious they were both uncomfortable and shy talking about the matter, but they both knew it had to be done.

    “Oh…..I…I guess we’re…..together…like, boyfriend and girlfriend…I don’t know, what do you say?”

    The next words out of Lookers mouth would change him forever. The next words out of his mouth were true, they were honest, Looker never said anything else so true-

    “I love you.”

    He couldn’t stop the words from coming from his mouth, he didn’t want to stop them. He had said it and he didn’t care. He was confident, bold, honest.

    Johanna sat and thought about what he had just said to her. Was she really loved? Had he meant it? She couldn’t believe what she had just heard.

    “Looker…….I…I love you too……”

    Before he could reply she clicked the TV set off and stood up. She led him to his bedroom and shut the door.

    The moon was beginning to move out of the way of the wispy clouds, a sliver of silver moonlight cutting the night. Johanna’s eyes sparkled, her body seemed to move with a brilliant elegance as she pulled Looker near the bed.

    “Looker, I love you. Since I first saw you, I knew.”

    He knew what was coming next, he wasn’t dumb.

    He nodded and threw off his coat, his I.P. badge clanking on the hardwood floor. She removed her shirt, exposing her smooth skin. He ripped off his shirt as they both sat down on the bed, and she kicked off her shoes. Both pair of pants were next to go, they too falling to the floor in a bundle. They held each other as they crawled under the covers, Johanna pulling him on top of her. Their breathing became heavy as Looker began to kiss her long, soft neck. His hands worked on her gorgeous body, much to her pleasure. She wrapped her arms around his back and returned the favor, until they both couldn’t contain it any longer.

    Half the silver moon shone in the night now, dark clouds veiling the other half.

    Looker and Johanna moved closer to one another, pressing their bodies together. They looked deeply into each others eyes as they moved into each other, small gasps coming from Johanna as Looker’s breathing increased. It was pure ecstasy, pure, unhindered pleasure. Nothing could ruin this moment, this feeling. Looker had a perfect life, a perfect job, a perfect girlfriend. The two continued making love, each one connected emotionally.

    At last, the silver moon was free from the veil of dark clouds, its full radiance shining as a whole, becoming the master centerpiece in the night sky.

    With a mighty gasp of air, Looker’s and Johanna’s activity was over. Looker flopped over on his side and was welcomed with a hug and kiss from Johanna.

    “That was great Johanna…..” he managed to say, still catching his breath.

    “I thought so too….”

    The two continued to embrace each other as they drifted of asleep below the silver moon, moonlight peering in the window.


    Two burly men were attaching a thick metal door to a door frame. Others were laying a game of pool or sitting at various tables playing cards. Others were filling up mugs with drinks and consuming the liquids behind a bar. A single man, however, was seated at a comfy booth, looking at a map.

    A man walked up to him.

    “Um, Rex?”

    The greasy haired man looked up.

    “Yes? What is it?”

    “Somebody is here to see you.”

    A man in a formal looking suit strolled up to the booth, content sneer on his face. He had short black hair and green eyes. His skin was tanned and he had broad shoulders.

    “Greetings. I’m…well, my name isn’t important. What is important is my job for you.”

    Rex stood up.

    “Huh? And why should me or my gang do anything for you, mister?”

    The man in the suit chuckled, his cold eyes closing.

    “Because I was the unknown person that bailed you all out of prison. I was the one to make sure all your criminal records were wiped clean. I’m the one who’s making sure that the police don’t find out about your little schemes, and the one who paid the previous bartender not to tell on you.”

    The mans voice was cool and calm.

    “You were the one that bailed us out? Well…thanks…but why?” Rex asked, confused as to why this man had took interest in a petty group of thieves.

    “Simple. I have a few jobs that need to be done. I’m willing to supply your men with Pokemon and items if you do one little heist for me.”

    “What kind of heist?”

    The man with the crooked nose eyed the man carefully.

    “There’s a rare valuable stored in a museum in Pewter City. The Pure Platinum Meowth Coin: An amazing coin from the head of an ordinary Meowth, but instead of being gold like others, this one is made of pure platinum.”

    At this the rest of the men began to listen, gathering around the man.

    “If you and your men retrieve the Platinum coin for me, I’ll share the profit with you. If not, I turn you back into authorities and let you rot away in jail. Do we have a deal?”

    The man in the suit held out his right hand and smirked. There was no way Rex could say no. He gripped the mans hand and shook it.

    “Deal, but we’ll need more than a few Pokemon to do it. We’ll need uniforms, and a way to get there, and-”

    “And a team name!” one crook called out from among the crowd.

    “Ah, of course, a team name……”

    The man looked around the seedy bar. He noticed a table where a card game was going on, a spade card peeking out among a pile of cards.

    “You’ll be called Team Spade. I’ll have uniforms made up for you shortly. I’ll be back with what you need. Until then, stay here.”

    The members of the newly found Team Spade cheered and clapped at the new name choice.

    “Team Spade? Has a ring to it!”
    “Sounds menacing! I like it!”
    “So we’re not Team Helicopter??”
    “No, that’s a dumb name, Team Spade is much better!”

    He turned on his heels and began to walk away.

    “Wait just a minute” Rex called “Now we need a name from you. We want to know who we’re working for.

    The man turned and smiled at Rex.

    “Hayden. Vick Hayden.”

    And with that he threw open the door, pulled a Pokeball from his suit pocket and tossed it to the ground. A large dark blue and white bird-like Pokemon appeared and flapped its large wings and stretched its red talons.

    The man climbed on top of the Flying-Type and put on a pair of goggles.

    “Swellow, take us home.”

    The Swellow took to the air and flew out of sight with incredible speed and was soon out of sight.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------ End Chapter 15.

    Thanks for reading, and if you did read please leave a comment and tell me how I’m doing. Tips and criticism always welcome!

    Now excuse me…..

    (Runs and places face in hands, mortified at having to write his first and ONLY sex scene)

  13. #88
    #YEEZUS Ultra Pidgeot's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 15 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Pffff! That was nothin', you pansy!

    Decent chapter overall...

  14. #89
    I need beer money dammit! Rob Anybody's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 15 up now! Comments welcome!)

    *Adds extra Pfff* ^What he said.
    I don't calculate stat values, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are. I just play the game normally. If you agree copy & paste this in your sig.


    Garrus Vakarian Facts

    My Fic: Fabricati Diem, Pvnc Help a struggling writer! Read and review! Constructive criticism is much appreciated!

  15. #90
    #YEEZUS Ultra Pidgeot's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 15 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Although I have to say...while neither graphic nor...well it's just nothing..it didn't feel necessary. It sorta felt like a cheap tactic to draw attention to your fic...

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