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  1. #31
    good cyberdaddy Ultra Pidgeot's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 3 up now! Comments welcome!)

    VLADIMIR FTW

  2. #32
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 3 up now! Comments welcome!)

    I agree about the tenses thing. Try to keep consistent on whichever you choose.

    Also, it might be good to add a little more meat to the bones of your story. Basically, the majority of the chapters are back and forth dialogue, which is fine, but it would be good to break some of it up with description. Describe what's going on during the conversation.

    So yeah, other than needing more description, I think this is a great story idea. You have good writing skills, so I'm confident that this will be very good.

    Coming Soon...

  3. #33
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 3 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Legacy View Post
    I agree about the tenses thing. Try to keep consistent on whichever you choose.

    Also, it might be good to add a little more meat to the bones of your story. Basically, the majority of the chapters are back and forth dialogue, which is fine, but it would be good to break some of it up with description. Describe what's going on during the conversation.

    So yeah, other than needing more description, I think this is a great story idea. You have good writing skills, so I'm confident that this will be very good.
    Thanks for reading and for the review! I'll try to work on the tense thing, as thats my biggest bump right now. It should be easy to add meat to the bones, as action scenes are coming up. Stay tuned! I'll try and have a Chapter or two up every week.

  4. #34
    Game on. The Miniryu's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 3 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Cool chap. If you make looker dawns dad for some reason I'll! You know, not really care. Will he get a pokemon or join the International police peeps soon?
    The wind howls...The rain pours...A figure appears in the darkness...The Minryu approaches..............

  5. #35
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 3 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Aceblack4eva View Post
    Cool chap. If you make looker dawns dad for some reason I'll! You know, not really care. Will he get a pokemon or join the International police peeps soon?
    Trust me, Looker is NOT Dawn's dad. And He'll find out about the IP in chapter 5, so one more "dull" chapter, then it picks up.

    EDIT: Expect Chapter 4 tonight. Also, do you just want me to combine Chapters 4 and 5, because both of them are pretty boring......
    Last edited by RaccoonGoon; 14th September 2010 at 11:37 AM.

  6. #36
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 3 up now! Comments welcome!)

    “Look”
    Chapter 4

    To Looker, the sun always shone in the fragrant Eterna City.

    He had a place of his own, cash, and, for the most part, his own life. He was truly his own man, all at age sixteen.

    He awoke around the same time as yesterday and went about his morning routine, only with the same stunned face he had last night. The face of being kissed by a cute girl.

    As he was putting on his clothes, similar to the ones he wore the previous day only the shirt was a dark brown, a familiar knock came at the door.

    “Just a second!” he called with his shirt half-way on.

    He went to the mini-fridge, grabbed a chilled can of soda, and with a couple of gulps, threw the empty can into the trash.

    He opened the door to see Johanna, smiling and holding a picnic basket. Today she wore a vivid green shirt, and she smelled…well, she smelled good.

    “Ready to go to Floaroma Town?”

    “Yep. What’s with the basket?”

    “We’ll have a picnic!”

    “Oh, cool!”

    The duo exited the Condominiums, chatting about small things.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

    On the edge of Eterna City the pair stopped. A sign was posted that read-

    “Eterna forest-Eterna City.”

    “We’ll have to walk through the forest first.” Johanna said, moving closer to Looker.

    He was nervous. He had never left Eterna City. Then he thought about the wild Pokemon within the thick forest. What if one attacks him like the Golbat did?

    He rubbed his left arm. His Bite wound had long since healed, leaving a distinctive scar.

    “NO!” he thought. “Looker, you sly dog, put on a brave face for her!”

    With his confidence boosted, he began to walk towards the towering trees.

    “Lets get to it then!”

    He smiled back to Johanna, who giggled and followed after him.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The forest was just as lush and green as the city that shared it’s name. The large, thick trees made a maze through the tall blades of thin grass. The treetops blotted out parts of the sky and the sun shone through the opening of branches and leaves, giving the ground blotches of light.

    “There’s a rumor that some crazy old man used to live in a big house up here, but when a ghost-robot attacked him, he moved away.” Johanna said with a tone of dread.

    “Its just a rumor, who’s ever heard of a ‘ghost-robot‘? And you did say he was crazy, right?”

    “No, like the ghost possessed a robot and tried to shock the old coot!”

    “Hm. That would be fun to investigate!” Looker replied, intrigued by such a story.

    “You’re more adventurous than I am…. You must be born with it….”

    “Not really. Some days you just have to get up and decide to go look for adventure.”

    Johanna thought about what he had just said. He was right. A strong warmth welled up inside the young girl, causing her to take Looker’s hand in hers.

    “Thanks Looker…..lets look together.”

    He didn’t know how to reply to this, or how to react to her holding his hand, so he just nodded and continued to walk.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    Floaroma Town was like Eterna City- only smaller, and instead of trees, it had an abundance in flowers and plants of every kind.

    “Smell those flowers! What a scent!” Johanna squealed as they entered the small town.

    As far as the eye could see, flowers were everywhere on the ground. The whole place was one giant flower patch, perfect for picnics.

    Sitting down in the middle of the ocean of petals, Looker began to roll up his sleeves, another thing he learned from his sea-faring days-

    The bottom levels of the ship is where they all ate. A large, wooden table is where the crew sat, the captain sitting at the end. The table was old and worn, knife marks and stains taking up the majority of the wood.

    Sailor John, another man of the sea, would always roll up his sleeves.

    “What’s the point of that John?” a fourteen year Looker asked one supper.

    “Ah, young chap. Around gentlemen and the sort, its so you don’t stain your sleeves while eating, yes, but around the tenderness of a woman, its to show off your tattoos and scars, you see?”

    “Oh….cool.”

    “Now, any other questions?”

    “Nope.”

    “Excellent, now for my daily cigar…”

    John pulled out a plump cigar and touched the tip to his lighter, causing a rich smoke to fill the air.

    “AYE! Its like someone let loose a family of Koffing in here! John! Put that puffer out! Us sailors are going to be cut down in health!” Luke yelled from the other end of the table.

    With a deep breath of smoke, John called back-

    “Better than cutting the scarred earth!”

    The Captain called to them all -”Quiet! You’re both riding me up a wall!”

    “That’s what your mother said last night, Trebek!” Sean yelled over to the man at the end seat.

    “Sean!”

    “Ahejejejejhar!”

    John turned to Looker, cigar clutched in hand, sly smile across his face.

    He didn’t understand any of it.

    So anyway- With his sleeves rolled up to about his elbows, Johanna took notice of his scar.

    “What happened!?!”

    “Huh? Oh, my arm. Its just a scar.”

    “How did you get it?” she asked, inspecting the scar closer.

    “I was in Mt.Coronet and-”

    “Mt.Coronet! Man, you really are adventurous.”

    “And a Golbat swooped down and bit me, but its just fine now.”

    “Wow……with that scar, exotic voice, and that attraction to adventure, some might call you a global man of danger…..” she said with a hint of desire.

    Looker nearly choked on his peanut butter sandwich at her comment, or, more so, the way she said it.

    Choking down the food, he replied

    “T-thanks….that’s kinda what I want to be when I get older, some kind of crime-stopper that tackles crime around the world.”

    He had never told anyone but Luke what he wanted to be. He hoped Johanna wouldn’t laugh at the idea.

    “That’s a great goal! I want to be the Pokemon Contest Champion some day!”

    He was relieved. She hadn’t laughed at him. She understood him.

    “That’s cool! I know you can reach your dreams if I can!”

    “Deal!”

    With a laugh, she lunged at him over the picnic basket, embracing him in a hug. Doing the only thing he could do, he hugged back.

    He had never felt what he felt right there. She was soft, warm, tender. He liked Johanna. Liked her a lot. She was kind, smart, and not hard to look at. And the greatest part of it was, she liked him back. He couldn’t tell what was sweeter- the smell of the flowers or her. Probably her.
    With that one hug, all his worries vanished. His father’s death, his running away, his awkward style of talking-gone. Nothing could bring him down. This was pleasure at its fullest.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The couple’s week of fun was coming to an end. Johanna was planned to return to her home of Twinleaf Town in one day. They both knew it would come, and the two spent their last hours together sitting in the Condominiums lobby, hands together, seated on the couch.

    “I’ll miss you, Looker. I had a great time with you.”

    “I’ll miss you too, Johanna. We’ll have to do it again sometime.”

    “Yeah…….I should be visiting again in about a year….”

    Tears began to form in the girl’s eyes.

    He put his arm around her shoulder to comfort her.

    “Hey, I’ll be waiting right here for you. Don’t cry….just don’t cry….”

    She closed her eyes and leaned on his shoulder.

    “Ok…….” she said, tears rolling down her gorgeous face.

    “Thanks for everything.”

    “You’re very welcome…thank you.”

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Looker was asleep in his bed when the all familiar knock awoke him from his deep slumber.

    Rubbing his eyes he got up. He sauntered over to the door, the moonlight being his path through the dark apartment.

    Pulling open the door, he saw Johanna standing there, wearing a jacket and holding a duffel bag.

    “J-Johanna, I thought you would of headed out by n-”

    Before he could finish, she walked into the apartment without a word.

    “Um…make yourself at home….”
    She set her bag down and walked over to the sleepy boy.

    “I didn’t get a chance to really say thank you earlier, and I thought I should before I go…….”

    And like that, she wrapped her slender arms around Looker and pressed her lips to his. This snapped him awake instantly. Reacting to instinct, he put his arms around her waist and returned her kiss with a few smaller ones.

    The two, while smooching up a storm, scooted over to the chair and plopped down as one figure. If he had thought a hug was nice, this was ecstasy. He didn’t care if they were kids that only knew each other for a week, he didn’t care how Johanna knew how to work her lips and tongue like that, he didn’t care if an Ursaring came bursting through a wall and began to destroy the place- he was making out with a girl.

    After 45 minutes or so, the two let go of one another and lifted from the recliner.

    “You’re….you’re welcome….” was all he could gasp.

    “Never change Looker.”

    She picked up her bag and headed for the door. She turned around to look at the boy in boxers and sleeping shirt she had just kissed.

    “I gotta go now…….don’t tell my grandmother, ok?”

    “Don’t worry, I won’t.” he winked at her.

    With a chuckle, she blew him a kiss and walked out the door.

    He watched her walk down the street out of town from his window. The morning sun was just beginning to rise above the horizon. She was the best thing so far about Sinnoh, and all Looker could do was smile as she walked away.

    The sun always shone in Eterna City, and he only saw good, good things.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    “Look”
    Chapter 5


    Looker missed Johanna, that was for sure. Celia would always ask if “The young whipper-snappers” had fun, and his reply would always be “Yes.”

    But, beside missing her, things continued to run smoothly in Eterna City for the next year. He grew in stature and in favor with the locals, and with some extra cash, he started buying books of all kinds to study. He knew his father would want him to do that. He also bought an atlas of the Sinnoh Region.

    Between working at the bike shop, paying rent, and riding around town, things were good in Eterna.

    Good. Not perfect.

    He, now seventeen, still had not found an opportunity to stop crime. That was the whole reason he had run away three years previous. He knew he had to get to it, before he waits too long. He had a basic understanding of the Region, he felt at home, in a sense, now it was time to go for his goal.

    “The only problem, however…..” he thought out loud one night while laying in bed-

    “Is all the towns in Sinnoh don’t need anymore Local Police….”

    He started to frown. Had he traveled half-way around the world just to be some guy working in a bike shop?

    With a “humph” he turned off the lamp sitting on his nightstand and went to sleep.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    One grey morning he had sweeping duty at Rad’s bike shop. Getting up an hour earlier than normal, he trudged down the street to the small building. Just a normal Thursday.

    In front of the building was a small red mail-box. The still half-asleep seventeen year old walked over to the small container, noticing the tiny red flag turned up.

    “Hm, early mail today……”

    Pulling down the metal lid he retrieved the handful of envelopes.

    “Bill……brochure guide…..bill……post card from a guy named….named Wattson?…..and……”

    He paused.

    “….and a flyer that’s promoting the ‘International Police!’”

    Running into the shop, he flung the rest of the mail onto Rad’s desk and hurriedly goes and flips on the show room lights.

    He starts to read the flyer aloud.

    “Wanted- brave, bold young people willing to travel around the world stopping crime. Must qualify through a series of tests and training courses over the time span of a few weeks.
    To go to an interview, go to Pastoria city and take Voyage #4 this coming Friday.”


    -I.P. Director Cullen.


    Looker nearly fainted. This was too good to be true. Right when he was giving up hope, hope came in the form of a flyer. This was it. He was going to try out for the “International Police”.

    “What was the International Police anyway? Sounds neat!” he thought, his mind racing.

    Deciding that he’d leave tomorrow early in the morning and plan tonight, he folded up the paper and put it in his pocket. He went and grabbed the wide broom with black bristles. One more day with a “normal” job wasn’t that bad.

    He started to hum as he swept. He would tell Rad when he came in and hope he would understand.

    Nothing could bring the beaming young man down.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    “Looker? You get the floor clean?”

    “Yes sir, Mr.Rickshaw.”

    “Good job. Start on displaying those new pedals we got in the back room.”

    “Yes sir.”

    The day droned on. Little kids needing some part after a wreck, parents looking for birthday presents, bikers checking out the newest products. Just an usual day in the bike shop.

    Once the day was starting to end, he went up to Rad.

    “Um, excuse me sir. A minute of your time?”

    With a quizzical look, Rad replied-

    “Huh? Sure……”

    “Thanks. I…I have a chance to possibly join the International Police, and I would have to leave town tomorrow if I were to try…..”

    THE International Police? Aren’t you a bit young?”

    “They say they want young people…for deputies I guess….”

    “Ah….International Police eh? Heh, very big dream……And you say you’d have to up and leave tomorrow?”

    “Yes sir……I’ve wanted something like this to happen for years……”

    Rad shifted his weight on his right foot, then his left, and did his trademark neck scratch.

    “Looker, you’re a darn fine employee. A damn fine one, really. I don’t know your past, nor do I want to know…..and when you talk about ambitions and things, it makes me wonder what made you who you are…..what happened in your past to make you want to do this? But like I said, I don’t want to know…….damn fine employee kid…….”

    He hadn’t expected Rad to go so deep with their talk.

    “And I know, I know, I’m just a bike salesman with a bald spot, but I’ve lived life day in and day out and go through the same trials as anyone else…you’d make a good International Police Agent…..”

    The older man looked down, again shifting his weight from foot to foot.

    “What I do want, Looker……..”

    He held out his hand, soft smile covering his face.

    “Is a promise that you’ll qualify and make it.”

    Looker’s swelled with joy, grasping the other mans hand firmly and shaking it.

    “Thank you, Mr.Ricksahaw! Thank you!”

    “Please, call me Rad. You don’t work here anymore.” he said with a laugh.
    “I won’t forgot this, er, Rad.”

    “Oh, one other thing!” he turned and darted to his office, dug around in his desk, and retrieved an envelope.

    “Here buddy, take your last weeks ‘pay check‘.” he said holding out the white paper item.

    “B-but today is only Thursday….”

    “Go ahead, take it. I insist….”

    Taking the ‘pay check’, he noticed a thin stack of green bills were tucked inside.

    “Mr. Ri- Rad, my pay check isn’t this much…I couldn’t ju-”

    “Ap ap ap! Say nothing on it. Now get outta here unless you’re going to buy something.” Rad said with a joking smile.

    With a laugh, Looker nodded, patted Rad on the back, and walked out of the bike shop for the last time.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The next morning Looker awoke with renewed energy. Today was the day he finally met his goal. He had packed his bag the night before, only this time using an actual hiking back pack. The pumped teenager put on some travel clothes and prepared to leave.

    He went about his morning routine, drank a soda, and looked back one more time at his humble apartment. His old suitcase was sitting by the chair.

    “Heh, that old thing…..”

    He walked over to the worn suitcase and placed it in his closet. Memories of lugging it across the ocean flashed in his mind like a strobe light in darkness……

    “Look at ya, Looker! You’re only a lad and hauling better luggage than all of us sailors!”

    The sailor that said this was Sailor Ben. He had dark toned skin, a bald head, soft eyes, and long fingers. His raspy voice could be heard most of the time singing old jazz songs and night club tunes. He claimed back home he had a snazzy Porsche, but this was never proven.

    “Thanks Ben…but what do sailors use to carry their clothes in?” the 14 year old Looker asked.

    “Aheheha! Looker-Cat,” he began jumping down from his bunk, “One of two things…”

    He crouched to the floor and pulled a thick, dense trunk from under the bunk bed.

    “Either a ship trunk like this old thing here” he said, tapping his fingers on the leather extior.

    “Or a big ol’ bag like this, ya dig?” he replied pulling out a large fabric bag from under the bed, it’s draw strings frayed.

    “Oh. I see……”

    Pushing the items back under the bottom bunk, Ben raised up.

    “Now then Looker-Cat, you wanna learn what a ‘Jive Turkey’ is?”

    “Sure!”

    The two shipmates walked past Sailor Sean and Captain Trebek bickering over a thing called “Buck Futters”, whatever that meant.

    Besides Luke, Ben was probably the nicest sailor of the crew.

    -----------------------------------------------------------

    Before he made it to the stairs, Celia’s voice bellowed from within her apartment.

    “Wait, Looker! Come over here a minute!”

    He was surprised she was up this early.

    “Yes ma’m?” he asked.

    “I just wanted to see that handsome face one last time……I know you’ll do well, dear….”

    “Thanks. Thank you for everything…..”

    “Oh don’t men-” she stopped and gazed at the coat’s left sleeve.

    “Heavens! You can’t go to a job interview with a tattered sleeve! Hand it here, hand it here!”

    She ran the coat over to a sink. She then filled a pot with warm water and pulled out a small container filled with green dust.

    “I got this at the herb shop…it’ll lift that stain right out.” she said, emptying the powder into the water, turning it a deep green.

    She pressed the sleeve into the warm water, lifted it out, ringed it out, and patted it down with a dish rag. To his amazement, the three year old bloodstain had vanished.

    “Now for those tears……”

    The spry 69 year old went to work stitching and sewing the rips in on the smooth interior, thin, wrinkled fingers moving in a blur as the gashes grew smaller and smaller.

    He was amazed at how fast the older lady went, never stopping, and always with a soft smile.

    “There, all fixed. How does that look?”

    The sleeve was all better. You wouldn’t be able to tell it was tattered and splattered with blood. Celia had done an astonishing job.

    “Wow, it looks brand new….Thank you!”

    “Of course dear, of course…”

    She hugged the Looker with a strong embrace and squeezed.

    “Never change Looker, never change.”

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    NOTES: I hated writing this chapter. I’m not a big fan of shipping, but it relates to the story later on. This is also the end of this saga of “Look”, as I’ve covered his beginnings, how he got to Sinnoh, and his first couple of years that’ll play a role as the action parts pick up. I know these chapters were dull, but now we dive into Looker as he joins the International Police!

    Again-Thanks for reading and comments, tips, and pointers welcome!
    25 points to whoever recognizes the “special guest sailor” and hidden guest(s)

    NEXT- The road to Pastoria City! And a return from an old character! 50 points to whoever can guess the right answer!

  7. #37
    I need beer money dammit! Rob Anybody's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 4&5 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Luke and Ben, Star Wars References? aside from the odd word omission, I found it quite enjoyable.
    I don't calculate stat values, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are. I just play the game normally. If you agree copy & paste this in your sig.

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  8. #38
    good cyberdaddy Ultra Pidgeot's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 4&5 up now! Comments welcome!)

    FUCK YEAH JOHN STEINBECK

  9. #39
    Game on. The Miniryu's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 4&5 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Luke or johanna comes back. Lookshipping(looker x johanna). ya.
    The wind howls...The rain pours...A figure appears in the darkness...The Minryu approaches..............

  10. #40
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 4&5 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Thanks for reading guys! I never thought I would even get a small number of replies. And I forgot to mention there are 2, yes 2, guest sailors, Ultra Pidgeat got 1 of them. The hidden guest (Not Delia) stil hasn't been guessed, nor has the special return character.

  11. #41
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 4&5 up now! Comments welcome!)

    “Look”

    Chapter 6, Saga 2.


    Mt.Coronet is the biggest mountain in the Sinnoh Region. Many hikers told of the grueling caves you had to pass, of the long dark treks and eerily quiet tunnels. The Pokemon, depending on which level you go to, are terribly strong, as evidence of the stories old construction workers tell of building the man-made stairs and bridges in the large landmass.

    All this however, weren’t going to stop a young man in a trench coat from reaching Pastoria City.

    His name was “Looker”, a nickname with a snazzy ring to it. This lean, dark haired boy was on his way to the “Marsh town by the sea” in hopes of becoming a top notch International Police agent.

    With his bag, dark green bike for transport, map, and wit he began to pedal faster.

    “So I should end up in Hearthome City, then I just need to go south on Route 212. Easy!” he said, nearing the mouth of the cave.

    With a final look back on Eterna City, he entered the mountain he had traveled in nearly 3 years ago, the dim light all to present.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    “I’m glad this bike was built to last. I would hate to have to walk through this again.”

    The rubber wheels jagged up and down on the rough, brown stone floor. He began to hum a tune, allowing the little jive to echo throughout the caverns. Everything was going as planned. Not just the trip to Pastoria, but his whole plan. Getting to Sinnoh, finding his calling, locating an opportunity….all of it- geared like a well oiled bike chain, which, ironically, was propelling him forward through the cave.

    Suddenly, a ear-splitting screech entered the air above his head. A wild Pokemon!

    Braking, Looker turned and try to see what Pokemon had made that awful noise. It was slightly high pitched, but scratchy and ragged. It almost sounded in pain……almost as if it was angry……almost…….

    “……….Almost like that Golbat!” he yelled.

    The might winged beast swooped down in front of him. It’s eyes mean and dark, his large wings twitching with anticipation. Inside its wide mouth, three glistening white teeth were ready to chomp down and suck blood. It’s fourth tooth was missing, leaving a blank spot in the dark purple gums of the Golbat.
    It was the same Golbat from 3 years ago. The one that gave him that gnarly scar.

    “Y-you! What are you doing here?” Looker asked the Pokemon, voice starting to shake at such a foul beast.

    It inched closer, still emitting it’s mighty screeches. It had remembered Looker. It had remembered what the boy had taken. It had a grudge.

    “Look, just let me pass. I don’t have time for this……” he began to slowly creep to the side, hoping to have enough space to speed by Golbat.

    The Golbat licked the empty spot in it’s mouth where his fourth tooth was supposed to go, staring straight at Looker.

    “You want your tooth, huh? Is that it? You putrid Pocket Monster?”

    “ Wait!” he thought.

    He reached into his coat’s pocket and felt the smooth enamel tooth, still there after all these years.

    “Ok, ok, I have it…here, jus-”

    The Golbat moved about 2 feet away from him, holding out it’s long, oozing tongue, as if to say “Put it here, this is where it goes….”

    That’s when Looker noticed the whole ordeal. He, a man. A HUMAN man, was being bullied by a Pokemon. A POKEMON. It was stupid. He wasn’t going to take it.

    Clasping the tooth around his hand, he moved a foot away from Golbat and told it “No.” before speeding away on his bike.

    Pumping as fast as he could he rocketed away from Golbat, who after a few moments caught on and began to chase him. It’s wings beating down on the air, soon it was only a few feet away from the bike back tire.

    “C’mon ding-bat, catch me! You cave dwelling blood sucker!”

    Hearing this, the Golbat’s wings swooped up with a mighty gush of wind. Bellowing out yet another cry, it flapped it’s purple wings down, producing an Air Cutter attack. The crescent shaped blade of air swept down at a great speed, making contact with the tire, popping it.

    “N-no!” was all Looker could say before his rattling bike crashed on the ground, causing him to tumble onto the rocks.

    Struggling to get up, the Golbat swooped down and stood over him, fangs bared.

    This was it. His whole life about to be ended with one Bite to the skull. He could already feel the sharp pain tunneling into his skull. The Golbat would suck all his blood from his body, leaving him a dried husk of a man. He closed his eyes, ready for his painful death.

    Then, a past memory came into his mind.

    He was on the sea, up on the deck of the ship with the other sailors. They were running about doing their duties, and at the back of the wooden deck, Sailor Bruce was doing push ups along with another man.

    Bruce was of oriental descent. Narrow eyes, black hair. He was in top physical shape. Washboard abs, slender and strong muscles toning his arms, mighty legs, and very callused hands. Everyday around noon he gathered at that spot and trained some of the other sailors.

    “C’mon now. 50 more push-ups.” he barked out to the other sailor.

    “Bruce….Bruce, I can’t, my arms are giving out.” It was true. The skimpy sailors arms were beginning to wobble, and thick drops of sweat fell from his forehead.

    “No.” Bruce spat.

    “You’ll do 50 more. C’mon, only 45 now.”

    “But….but I’ll die if I do anymore….”

    Bruce sprang up.

    “Then die. If you put limits on your body then it spreads to your entire life, your entire being. If you die you die. There are no limits , only plateaus, and you must constantly exceed them.”

    These words sparked a fire in the smaller man, who began pumping his arms faster, faster until he reached the 50 mark.

    “Good. Go wash up.”

    Bruce was a kind soul. Very intelligent, very wise. One of his quotes was “Perfect bodies come from perfect minds.”


    Those words always stuck with Looker, but now those words came busting out.

    “NO!” he yelled.
    He wasn’t going to let this dumb, wild Pokemon take his life. Not like this. He kicked the Golbat in between the eyes, causing it to guard it’s face with it’s wings.

    Getting up, Looker crawled to his bike, now a heap of parts, and grabbed the handlebars, which were snapped clean off.

    Trying to think of a witty one-liner, he chucked the metallic bike part towards the flailing Golbat. The handlebars landed in it’s mouth, where Golbat swallowed them. It’s mighty screeches were now replaced by choking, gargling noises, the handlebars jammed down Golbat’s throat. Trying to heave the metal bar out of his mouth, the winged Pokemon rolled around on the ground.

    Instead of running, Looker stood and watched the Pokemon trying to free itself from it’s misery. He started to laugh at the site, the once powerful monster of Mt.Coronet was now choking on a old bike part. Then, the hacking noises stopped. Had the thing swallowed them? Had it coughed them up? The purple Pokemon raised up, put on it’s best Mean Look, and opened it’s maw. A shrill bell ring bellowed out from it’s mouth. Golbat snapped its mouth closed, looked down at its mouth, opened again, tried to screech, and again, only the sound of a bike bell was heard.

    “Ahahaaahahaha! You must of swallowed the bike ringer too!” He laughed at the cartoon like site in front of him.

    Humiliated, the Golbat flew away, still trying to screech, but still sounding out a bike bell chime.

    Looker laughed some more, and continued to the exit on foot. After awhile, he saw a light. Outside. He ran into the sunshine. He had lost his bike, but he still had his life, his bag, and the Golbat’s tooth and pride. And he was now in Hearthome City.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    NOTES: As always, comments, tips, criticism welcome! Again, 25 points to whoever can guess the “Special Guest Sailor.” The answers to the last chapter-Guest Sailors-John Steinback and Benjerman "Scatman" Crothers. Hidden Character- You'll find out. Return Character-The Golbat.
    Last edited by RaccoonGoon; 18th September 2010 at 01:34 PM.

  12. #42
    Rocking the Lucario Thundagere's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 6 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Lol. I had to laugh at that. "The Ringing Golbat"...has a ring to it, don't you think? lol. OK, I;m done making random jokes.
    All in all, excellent! You've given another example of Looker's bravery. Great character development!

    Made by Blue Dragon!

  13. #43
    Game on. The Miniryu's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 6 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Bruce wayne. Looke is Awesome as always!
    The wind howls...The rain pours...A figure appears in the darkness...The Minryu approaches..............

  14. #44
    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 3 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Legacy View Post
    I agree about the tenses thing. Try to keep consistent on whichever you choose.

    Also, it might be good to add a little more meat to the bones of your story. Basically, the majority of the chapters are back and forth dialogue, which is fine, but it would be good to break some of it up with description. Describe what's going on during the conversation.

    So yeah, other than needing more description, I think this is a great story idea. You have good writing skills, so I'm confident that this will be very good.
    I think this still stands. ;)

  15. #45
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" ( Chapter 6 up now! Comments welcome!)

    Thanks for reading guys. Magnus Prime-Gee,thanks! Ace-Nope, good guess though. It's Bruce Lee. Lugion-What still stands(smile/wink)?

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