TEEN: "Look" (Chapter 29)

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    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default "Look" (Chapter 29)

    TABLE OF CONTENTS:
    Intro.........................Page 1
    Chapter 1..................Page 2
    Chapter 2..................Page 2
    Chapter 3..................Page 2
    Chapter 4&5..............Page 3
    Chapter 6..................Page 3
    Chapter 7..................Page 4
    Chapter 8..................Page 4
    Chapter 9..................Page 4
    Chapter 10.................Page 5
    Chapter 11.................Page 5
    Chapter 12.................Page 6
    Chapter 13.................Page 6
    Chapter 14.................Page 6
    Chapter 15.................Page 6
    Chapter 16.................Page 7
    Chapter 17.................Page 7
    Chapter 18.................Page 7
    Chapter 19.................Page 7
    Chapter 20.................Page 8
    Chapter 21.................Page 8
    Chapter 22.................Page 9
    Chapter 23.................Page 9
    Chapter 24.................Page 10
    Chapter 25.................Page 10
    Chapter 26.................Page 10
    Chapter 27.................Page 10
    Chapter 28.................Page 10
    Chapter 29.................Page 10




    My "ATTEMPT" at a one-shot.

    Oh hey, this is neat.

    "Look"


    Part 1.



    His trench coat whipped in the brisk afternoon wind near his ankles.

    The young man, no older than 14, was walking. Where? Not even he knew. All he knew was that he was walking. Walking to get away.

    The young man, wearing the brown over coat at least two sizes too big, had brown hair, a lean build, and brown eyes, constantly darting to different objects. Immortally...looking.

    He reached the small docks on the outskirts of the city and set down the large suitcase he was towing.

    "Erm, I'm looking for a way to the Sinnoh Region."

    The buff sailor looked down at the young whipper-snapper.

    "Kid, aren't you a tad young to be sailing? And in a get-up like that?"

    The sailor felt the snazzy coat and chuckled.

    The boy stood firm.

    "It was my dad's....I really need to get to the Sinnoh Region, sir."

    "And does your dad know about you leaving? How old are you anyway?"

    "My dad passed away last month."

    Silence.

    "And I'm 16 by the way." He lied.

    The sailor looked deep into the boy's eyes. They seemed to dart from his face, to his eyes,....and even deeper."

    "Ok kid, we'll let you tag along. whats in the suitcase?"

    "A few food items and my dad's old suit and tie."

    The large sailor nodded.

    "Names Luke." He held out his muscular hand.

    "My name is......Eh...I would rather not say....its..."

    The bigger man laughed.

    "I understand. We'll think of a name for you sooner or later."

    With a mighty pat on the back, the two people boarded the cargo ship, ready for a year and a half trip.

    ------------------------------------------------------------

    Life on the sea was amazing.

    The boy learned all kind of things from the other sailors. How to tie various knots, how to climb masts, how to determine time with the sun, and even how to drink soda in less than 3 gulps.

    One day, half-way through the voyage, Luke went up to the boy.

    "So what are your plans when we hit land?"

    "Oh, I don't know. Maybe see what job I can get."

    "Eh, I know about...about your father. Is that why you left?"

    The boy looked at the blue, bright, water.

    "Part of it...my dad was mugged on his way home from the office by some criminal. He was stabbed...and...he didn't make it."

    Luke stood, ready to hear more.

    "I had nobody to go to....so I thought I would live off of me only...be my own man...."

    "Thats a very respectable thing to do, lad...."

    "And to stop the criminals in this world....Thats my goal."

    Luke gazed at the boy leaning over the edge of the ship.

    "You're a funny one kid. You have every right to be angry, yet all you do is look. Thats all, is LOOK. Look foward. Thats a mighty fine way to be.....Thats it! You're name is Looker! Aharhaar!"

    "Looker" smiled at his sea-faring buddy. He really belonged with the rag-tag group of traders.

    "C'mon Looker, lets go grab a soda."

    ----------------------------------------------

    Part 2.


    "Well, m'lad, this is goodbye."

    As he did a year and a half ago, Luke extended his rough hand to Looker, who was shivering under his coat.

    This time, he shook Luke's hand.

    "Aharharhar! 'Adda boy! A real sailors handshake!"

    "Thanks for everything. I won't forget your kindness."

    "Ahaeh, good luck Looker."

    And with that the sailor boarded the ship.

    "C'mon you salty Spheals, lets give our pal a real sailors farewell!"

    The entire crew clambered to the edge of the ship, calling out encouragement to their run-away rascal.

    "Go get 'em, Looker!"
    "Stay Shiney Ponytaboy!"
    "Best wishes, Looker!"

    And like that, the trading vessel cast off, leaving him to shiver on Snowpoint City's port.

    "Why did they put port way up north?" He thought.

    ----------------------------------------------------

    After a chilling, brutal hike south of Snowpoint City, the 15 year old sat approched a large, formidable mountain.

    "Great, just great, a whole mountain......"

    Upon further investigation, he noticed a small cave entrance and a sign that read: "MT.CORONET".

    "Better than having to go over..." He thought.

    He entered the darkness, looking straight ahead.

    -----------------------------------------------------

    About part-way through the cave, a winged creature shifted behind Looker.

    It was a deep lavender, four sharp teeth shone from a large maw. Its screech was painful to listen to. A Golbat, and a mean one at that.

    "W-what are you?"

    The Golbat inched closer, showing more teeth.

    "G-Get away! Shoo! Get!"

    This only made the Pokemon angry, as it flew up into the air, dived down, and clamped its mouth around Looker's left arm with a crushing Bite attack.

    "AUUUGHHGH!!! GET OFFA ME! GET OFF!!"

    Flailing like a mad man, he swung his free right arm into the creatures eye, cuasing it to jerk back. As the beast was thrown back, one of its teeth snapped off, making it stay in the boy's flesh.

    "Nonononno nono nononono...."

    Four, large punctures were in his arm, one still holding the Golbat's tooth. Each one was gushing blood.

    Looker ran as fast as he could past the dazed blood-sucker, arm close to his body.

    For an hour he ran, cursed, and looked for an exit from the death trap known as Mt.Coronet. He was losing blood fast, he started to feel weak....

    An exit! With his last bit of stanima, he burst into the fresh night air.

    "Th-(pant, pant)Thank God...."

    He plopped his suitcase down and sat on it. His arm was badly injured, but if he went to a hospital they would find out he's a runaway orphan.

    He took off his blood-stained coat. His father would of been ashamed to look at it. He examined his arm. The Bite only gat flesh, so his bone was fine. He put a firm grip around the tooth and yanked with all his might. A jolt of pain rocked his body.

    "Aughhh--owwww.....N-no, have to tough...like Luke, and all the other sailors..."

    Again, he pulled on the tooth, this time ignoring the pain.

    With a sickening "SPPLKT" it came out, cuasing more blood to flow.

    "Gotta patch up the wounds...."

    He rummaged in his suitcase, and produced one of his dad's ties.

    "This will have to do..."

    ------------------------------


    Looker gazed on as the morning sun raised over this strange new land called Sinnoh...Who knew what good, lawful justice could be put to use here, what criminals needed to be stopped, what adventures awaited ahead? It all thrilled the young wanna-be detective.

    Looker stood, damaged, alone, and ready. He dawned his trench coat, patted down his brown hair, and grabbed his suitcase.

    Looker gazed on, brown eyes seeing good, good things.

    -----------------------------------------------------------

    So? Was my "ATTEMPT" worth it?
    Last edited by RaccoonGoon; 21st November 2012 at 12:15 PM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot)

    Heh. That's pretty cool way to tell "Looker"'s story., pretty cool.

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    Game on. The Miniryu's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot)

    wow. You should have countinued to the arrival at Sinnoh. or joining he internation police. Why not make it more than a oneshot? A whole adventure, perhaps.
    The wind howls...The rain pours...A figure appears in the darkness...The Minryu approaches..............

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    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot)

    Quote Originally Posted by Aceblack4eva View Post
    wow. You should have countinued to the arrival at Sinnoh. or joining he internation police. Why not make it more than a oneshot? A whole adventure, perhaps.
    Thanks! Let me think about it. If more people want me to, then sure, I might make it a series.
    Last edited by RaccoonGoon; 8th September 2010 at 08:43 PM.

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    CEO of the Monsters Lugion's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot) EDITED. READ?

    I have to question your word choice in a couple of places. You also should never use digits unless telling time. Always write them out.

    I'd be happy to beta for you, if you want. Just print these things out and bring 'em to school or email them to me or something.

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    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot) EDITED. READ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lugion View Post
    I have to question your word choice in a couple of places. You also should never use digits unless telling time. Always write them out.

    I'd be happy to beta for you, if you want. Just print these things out and bring 'em to school or email them to me or something.
    Ok, ok. (Word choice? Examples please?) Thanks for reading and for the tips. So, how did you like the story beside the mentioned comments??

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    Triumphant Return betagold's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot) EDITED. READ?

    Heh, Outsiders reference, I think.

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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot) EDITED. READ?

    Quote Originally Posted by RaccoonGoon View Post
    Ok, ok. (Word choice? Examples please?) Thanks for reading and for the tips. So, how did you like the story beside the mentioned comments??
    Immortally looking. Doesn't really make sense.

    Other than that, it was pretty good.

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    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot) EDITED. READ?

    betagold- You are correct! "Stay gold Ponyboy"="Stay Shiney Ponytaboy"

    Lugion- I gotcha. Yeah, it is kinda.....lame to say, but ah well.

    Thanks for reading guys.

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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot) EDITED. READ?

    That. Was. Epic.

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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot) EDITED. READ?

    Pretty good as of now - but this doesn't look like the kind of story to be a one-shot.

    Quote Originally Posted by betagold View Post
    Heh, Outsiders reference, I think.
    The two-size trenchcoat? Is that it?

    Also, "2 sizes 2 big"? I think you got "two" and "too" mixed up there.
    Last edited by Zekurom; 8th September 2010 at 09:33 PM.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot) EDITED. READ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zekurom View Post
    Pretty good as of now - but this doesn't look like the kind of story to be a one-shot.



    The two-size trenchcoat? Is that it?

    Also, "2 sizes 2 big"? I think you got "two" and "too" mixed up there.
    I turned "Stay gold Ponyboy" into "Stay shiney Ponytaboy"

    So you want me to make it a series?

    Y'know what, lemme go edit that "to too 2" thing right now

    Thanks for the reply.

  13. #13
    Let's Player Derier44's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot) EDITED. READ?

    This would be really good as a series. The way you ended it got me itching for more. I hope you do decide to make this full blown because it really does have a lot of potentiol.

    Winner of: Inazuma Eleven Mafia, FALCONWING 3 MAFIA, War Room Mafia 2,
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot) EDITED. READ?

    Stay Shiny, Ponytaboy.

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

    A few typos and the numbers thing, but not bad. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think it should be a full fledged fic.

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    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Look" (One-shot) EDITED. READ?

    So thats 4(?) to make it a full fanfic?

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