TEEN: The Long March Of Time (Chapter 6 up!) - Page 5

Page 5 of 5 FirstFirst ... 345
Results 61 to 73 of 73

Thread: The Long March Of Time (Chapter 6 up!)

  1. #61
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    The United States
    Posts
    564
    Blog Entries
    25

    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Well i'm going to have to say: bravo.

    You've managed to have started the beginnings of a fic that it original, interesting, and overall a good read.

    One thing I guess many people have told you in their comments is that it veers into "textbook land" too often, and I'm going to have to agree. Rather then giving us a story we can follow along with that can keep us guessing and keep us wanting more, it feels as though I'm reading a sometimes-descriptive textbook. Not that I haven't been enjoying it, because I have, it's very very interesting and it's such a concept that must be explored. But it feels more like information being given to us in a fashion rather then a story.

    Now just keep writing! You can totally gain a bunch of readers with the story you have and i'm definitely going to recommend this.

  2. #62
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    On top of spaghetti
    Posts
    312
    Blog Entries
    5

    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Quote Originally Posted by Cabaret View Post
    Well i'm going to have to say: bravo.

    You've managed to have started the beginnings of a fic that it original, interesting, and overall a good read.

    One thing I guess many people have told you in their comments is that it veers into "textbook land" too often, and I'm going to have to agree. Rather then giving us a story we can follow along with that can keep us guessing and keep us wanting more, it feels as though I'm reading a sometimes-descriptive textbook. Not that I haven't been enjoying it, because I have, it's very very interesting and it's such a concept that must be explored. But it feels more like information being given to us in a fashion rather then a story.

    Now just keep writing! You can totally gain a bunch of readers with the story you have and i'm definitely going to recommend this.
    Thank you very much, and that textbook thing was something I struggled with, which is especially painful with my goal of "putting the 'story' back in history." On these next chapters I'm going to try and make it sound more like an epic narrative and less like an infodump.

    Still, thank you very much for the feedback.
    Yes, I am a Brony. Problem, manly men?

    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/images/signaturepics/sigpic34657_1.gif


    Check out the TVTropes Fanon Pokedex project! (especially the articles written by me. :P)

  3. #63
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    On top of spaghetti
    Posts
    312
    Blog Entries
    5

    Default Re: The Long March Of Time

    You thought the old "I haven't given up!" speech was the death knell for this fic?

    Well, you thought wrong.

    Yes, after nearly ten months, I have Chapter 6. Hopefully I can keep an actually consistent schedule this time.

    Note that to avoid the textbook feel I went more into the thoughts of the Pokemon (and Missingno) characters - something a textbook wouldn't do, and something that allows readers to realize this is an actual story here.

    Also, the chapter title is what it is becuase... well, the humans go through a lot of shit this chapter.

    Chapter 6: Turmoil

    Humanity’s new reign, like all, started small. Most of the human settlements were isolated, almost feudal kingdoms sustained by their own resources and nothing more. However, some began to seek out greater power, and through trade and conquest new regions began to form, four of which were more prominent than the others.

    One of the first was native to the large northern island now known as the Sinnoh region. During their wanderings, groups of nomads discovered the plates that the Spirit Trio had left there billions of years before. The power of the plates was so great that it gave them dreams and visions of the gods that made them. Those who received the visions became revered, and they grew into shamanistic roles and began uniting people and Pokémon under one nation.

    Soon, the shamans began building an empire on the slopes of the central mountains of Sinnoh, where, due to their fascination and awe with these beings they saw in their dreams, they commanded their people to build great cities. At the peak of the tallest mountain in Sinnoh, they constructed a massive temple, where they worshipped the seven great creators of their universe – Arceus, the three dragon gods, and the Spirit Trio.

    But the Missingno, always watching, saw an opportunity to sow chaos, and gleefully took it.

    Their first attempt to bring disorder to the ancient Sinnovians was to cause the cult of Giratina to rebel and try to dominate the others. However, much to the Missingnos’ annoyance, the rebellion was quickly quashed, and the name and images of both the sect and Giratina itself were excised from the civilization, and their names became forbidden to even speak of. However, as soon as that chance disappeared, another rose its head.

    The gods are far from immune to flattery. While the Spirit trio continued to rest, only watching from afar, Dialga and Palkia saw how much the humans adored them and were overjoyed. They wanted more worshippers, and so, disregarding their original position on interfering, they decided to create a being to help the humans and earn them even more praise. So, they combined rock, ice, and metal into one statue-like being of titanic power – Regigigas.

    Regigigas, young and naïve, saw the humans as its “siblings”. The humans, on the other hand, saw this literal gift from the gods as the ultimate ally. When it appeared, the ancient Sinnovians paraded it around the streets of their cities, and created statues of rock, ice, and steel to honor it – which, much to their delight, Regigigas changed into living Pokemon with just a touch.

    Regigigas, along with its creations Regirock, Regice, and Registeel, were then used for more “practical” purposes. Registeel created more of the golems, and then set out using its massive strength towing nearby islands toward Sinnoh and add them to its landmass so the Sinnovians could conquer them with armies of Regirock, Regice, and Registeel.

    But Regigigas, new to the nature of war, was confused and distraught by the actions of its human parents. To it, all humans were “brothers and sisters,” and it didn’t know why they would want to hurt each other. The Missingno viewed the legendary Pokemon’s inner turmoil as a tool for their success.

    They appeared before Regigigas, whispering to it how the humans didn’t really care about it; to them it was merely a living machine, a tool of war. This caused Regigigas to grow even more confused and stressed, until one day it finally snapped.

    It and the golems it created went on a rampage, and they destroyed entire cities in their rage. The humans who formerly controlled them tried to stop them, (along with secret help from Alakazam and Metagross) but the titan and its creations were near-unstoppable.

    Fortunately for the Sinnovians, the Trio of Spirit, Dialga, and Palkia stepped in to intervene. The Trio of Spirit used their power to cripple Regigigas – cursing it with a lengthy “charging period” for its powers. Dialga and Palkia, not wanting to waste their creation, froze it in time and space and placed it in the basement of the temple that once housed it, and scattered the remaining golems across the world, giving the humans instructions that they must seal them away until Regigigas was truly needed. The two dragons, ashamed at their own selfishness and lack of good judgment, then swore only to interfere with humanity when absolutely necessary.

    The Sinnovians then began to rebuild. Many of them had fled to other regions when the titan and its golems rampaged, and of those who stayed there were few left to rebuild the civilization. It took decades for them to truly recover, and even then many of the ancient cities and temples were never rebuilt – they remain ruins to this day.
    ----

    The second empire was born of some of those refugees. They fled to a distant land just north of the modern Johto region, but it was bitterly cold, and they had a difficult time surviving. They tried taming herds of Mamoswine, but even that couldn’t help them through the cold, so they resorted to hiding in temples built from caves, where they prayed to their old gods – even Giratina – for support.

    Their support, however, came from some of the Pokemon they brought with them.

    The Alakazam living with the refugees felt what great suffering they were going through, and, feeling empathetic, contacted the local Metagross tribe so they could work together to find some way to help. After much philosophical and ethical discussion on the matter, they came up with an idea.

    The Metagross used what little Pokemon-creating skill they had left to make strange creatures called Unown. These Pokemon, whose bodies were modeled on the language of the Alakazam -Metagross empire, were weak, but they could work together in swarms ,and the Alakazam imbued them with a hive mind that was brimming with knowledge about the universe.

    The Alakazam and Metagross then gave the Unknown one simple task: give the humans that knowledge.

    The Unknown then began populating the temples of the humans, starting with the shrine to Arceus and its dragon children known as the Sinjoh Temple. The humans were utterly fascinated, and thanks to the influence of Unown and Alakazam they began to realize the Unown formed a language.

    They adopted this language with enthusiasm, and began following the teachings of the Unown – particularly those about bountiful lands to the south. They soon migrated there, and began forming new cities in the land now known as Johto. To give thanks to the Unown, they constructed a new series of temples called The Shrine of Alph. The Unown themselves enjoyed this new home greatly, but held an innate desire to find new humans to teach. So, they began spreading to other parts of the world, like the Sevii Islands and even Sinnoh.

    ----

    The third empire was in the region now known as Hoenn, a warm place lush and full of life. An empire extended all across the mainland and even to the surrounding islands. However, instead of having a religion worshipping the creators of the universe, they worshipped the creators of the planet itself: Groudon and Kyogre.

    However, the Missingno presence was just as strong as in Sinnoh, and they had similar plans for the humans here. The Missingno created two orbs – one red, and one blue – and presented them to priests of Groudon and Kyogre, respectively. They tempted them with promises of power, saying that the orbs could control the two earth-shaping deities, and that the superiority of their half of the cult could then be proven. The preists, both greedy and ambitious, accepted the orbs, and proceeded to find and awaken their patron gods.

    However, the Missingno were consummate liars. The orbs couldn’t control the two legendary Pokemon – they actually enhanced their power to the point where even the Pokémon themselves couldn’t control them. The two legends clashed once again, each panicking and desperately trying to stop the other from destroying the world they helped create. They would have caused an apocalyptic event – if Rayquaza had not been flying by.

    Rayquaza used its own power to quell the powers of the other two just in time, and the grateful, exhausted duo went back to sleep. The ancient Hoennese then hid the two orbs away in a sacred place, so that no person could ever abuse their power again. However, some still thought that either the priest of Groudon or the priest of Kyogre had a point, and they continued to scheme and war against their opposites in secret for millennia after, eventually becoming the notorious Teams Aqua and Magma.

    Rayquaza, meanwhile, was outraged that the Missingno dared to cause so much pain to its brethren. It attempted to smite them, but they had already fled – to another region where they could create even more discord.

    ----

    The Missingno’s next stop was the region of Unova, which was already a land of strife and warring tribes. However, the Missingno were vastly displeased when two brothers showed up to unite the people – with the ancient dragon in tow. The three friends created an empire all by themselves, and it remained peaceful for many years.

    The Missingno hated peace – it was far too boring and not nearly chaotic enough. So, they once again began to do what they loved: corrupting those who would work against chaos.

    They appeared in the dreams of the brothers, telling them that the other was misguided about either truth or ideals, and that one was inherently better than the other. It didn’t take long for the brothers to start arguing, and when the arguments started to escalate, the dragon became so torn over who to support that it literally tore into two beings – Reshiram and Zekrom. The two new dragons sided with their brother of choice, and a bloody civil war began.

    However, despite the efforts of the Missingno, the brothers and dragons remorsefully saw that the war was taking far too much of a toll. They made a truce, and peace retuned to Unova for many years.

    But the Missingno were patient, and when the sons of the brothers ascended to power, they merely corrupted them, but more thoroughly than the last time. The resulting second civil war was so great that the two dragons unleashed attacks of truly awesome power – and razed Unova in the process.

    The brothers, their sons, and the dragons survived. The brothers banished their sons to faraway lands, and the grief of both Reshiram and Zekrom was so great that they deteriorated into two orbs –one white, one black. The brothers hid the orbs in important locations of the old empire, in hopes their Pokemon friends would find someone that represented their respective ideals.

    In the meantime, a Volcarona, pitying the humans, used its fire to light the ashen skies of barren Unova, causing plants to grow once again in the ground, and for hope to grow once again in the hearts of the people. They began to rebuild, with this Volcarona as their symbol of rebirth.

    Their new empire would turn out to be greater than any that had came before.

    ***

    The first part is a little longer and more descriptive than the others because I felt I needed to stay consistent with the other chapters of this fic in terms of length.

    Now, bring on the feedback!
    Last edited by Umbramatic; 19th December 2011 at 10:38 AM.
    Yes, I am a Brony. Problem, manly men?

    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/images/signaturepics/sigpic34657_1.gif


    Check out the TVTropes Fanon Pokedex project! (especially the articles written by me. :P)

  4. #64
    Savage Rain!
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    727

    Default Re: The Long March Of Time (Chapter 6 up!)

    I like it, especially the explanations for the golems. I'll be sure to keep reading.

  5. #65
    CottonSheepFairy 33Whimsicott33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Wherever the wind blows
    Posts
    366
    Blog Entries
    18

    Default Re: The Long March Of Time (Chapter 6 up!)

    It's interesting how missingno's role is developing. I wonder how in this story of origin it will lead to the position it has in the games we all know now...
    Oh?

  6. #66
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    On top of spaghetti
    Posts
    312
    Blog Entries
    5

    Default Re: The Long March Of Time (Chapter 6 up!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Hadesiro View Post
    I like it, especially the explanations for the golems. I'll be sure to keep reading.
    Thank you, and I'm glad both for the fact you liked my origin for the Regis and that you want to follow this.

    Quote Originally Posted by 33Whimsicott33 View Post
    It's interesting how missingno's role is developing. I wonder how in this story of origin it will lead to the position it has in the games we all know now...
    33WHIMSICOTT33!!!! YOU CAME BACK!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ...OK, I need to calm down. But anyway, glad to see you back, and the role Missingno has in Red, Blue, and Yellow will be explained eventually.
    Yes, I am a Brony. Problem, manly men?

    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/images/signaturepics/sigpic34657_1.gif


    Check out the TVTropes Fanon Pokedex project! (especially the articles written by me. :P)

  7. #67
    Registered User Du Sundavar Freohr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    On my DS
    Posts
    465
    Blog Entries
    11

    Default Re: The Long March Of Time (Chapter 6 up!)

    This is really awesome.
    You perfectly capture the idea of a budding species and almost flawlessly blend the myths given and the ideas you create. I am looking eagerly for more, and I'm excited to see how you're going to continue this.
    "fsk you you little fsk. you are nothing but a fsk, you're parents were fsks. everybody you ever loved was a fsk. I fsking spit on fsking you and your fsking ancestors. you fsk around everybody all fsk like so stop being so fsking fsk you fsk from fsk land you fsking fsk, you fsking hear me you fsk? fsk you." A normal convo with a familiar lover of N.
    Diamond/Pearl/Platinum friend code
    4770 6316 3647
    Black/White friend code
    3868 7458 8631.

  8. #68
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    The United States
    Posts
    564
    Blog Entries
    25

    Default Re: The Long March Of Time (Chapter 6 up!)

    Very interesting chapter. It was nice.

    And if nice was the aim then I guess you could claim it was nice. All I can really say is that it is interesting.

    I'm intrigued as to what will happen next, and I really like the Missingno playing a part in a fanfiction. It's just so odd that you make it work.

  9. #69
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    On top of spaghetti
    Posts
    312
    Blog Entries
    5

    Default Re: The Long March Of Time (Chapter 6 up!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Du Sundavar Freohr View Post
    This is really awesome.
    You perfectly capture the idea of a budding species and almost flawlessly blend the myths given and the ideas you create. I am looking eagerly for more, and I'm excited to see how you're going to continue this.
    Thank you, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'd actually like a little on what you diidn't like - so I can improve.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cabaret View Post
    Very interesting chapter. It was nice.

    And if nice was the aim then I guess you could claim it was nice. All I can really say is that it is interesting.

    I'm intrigued as to what will happen next, and I really like the Missingno playing a part in a fanfiction. It's just so odd that you make it work.
    What do you mean by "interesting" and "nice"? :P But seriously, though, is that good or bad?

    Glad you like how I incorporated the Missingno.
    Last edited by Umbramatic; 21st December 2011 at 11:05 PM.
    Yes, I am a Brony. Problem, manly men?

    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/images/signaturepics/sigpic34657_1.gif


    Check out the TVTropes Fanon Pokedex project! (especially the articles written by me. :P)

  10. #70
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    On top of spaghetti
    Posts
    312
    Blog Entries
    5

    Default Re: The Long March Of Time (Chapter 6 up!)

    Just wanted to say that Chapter 7 will be the week after Christmas, since I'm doing an article relevant to it for the Fanon Pokedex (see my current sig), and I'd much rather the article influence the chapter than the other way around.
    Last edited by Umbramatic; 23rd December 2011 at 11:23 AM.
    Yes, I am a Brony. Problem, manly men?

    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/images/signaturepics/sigpic34657_1.gif


    Check out the TVTropes Fanon Pokedex project! (especially the articles written by me. :P)

  11. #71
    East Unova Resident SuperTrainStationH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    362
    Blog Entries
    8

    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    After many days of frustrating, real life difficulties in getting to a computer, I've finally got to reading the first three chapters. I'll discuss the rest later since the author says that's perhaps where things really start getting creative.

    First off, I enjoy real life etiological mythology, and I enjoyed the mythos of the Pokémon world for what its worth (especially as represented in the 12th Pokémon film), so this fic was right up my alley from the beginning.

    I actually imagine it being narrated by the fellow who narrated Stephen Hawking on his show on the Science Channel whose name escapes me. Of course Hawking deals in the complete opposite of etiological mythology, but since we're dealing in a world where 99% of its animal species are magical creatures which can be objectively proved to exist, the fantastic nature of this world's origin is completely beside the point.

    I can vividly imagine watching a TV show from the Pokémon World with a narrator reading the copy from this fic as voiceover against animated re-enactments of the actions of the Legendary Pokémon featured thusfar.

    By Chapter 3 at least this doesn't seem to be character driven or even much more than the narrator simply describing their interpretation of how the Legendary Pokémon came to exist and create the world, and so far its done a perfectly proficient, fun job of doing that.

    I'm glad I read this and will give my impressions on later chapters when I get to them. In the meantime I'd rather not burn through all that's currently posted in one sitting.

    Thanks for inviting me to read this, I've really enjoyed it so far! :)

  12. #72
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    On top of spaghetti
    Posts
    312
    Blog Entries
    5

    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Quote Originally Posted by SuperTrainStationH View Post
    After many days of frustrating, real life difficulties in getting to a computer, I've finally got to reading the first three chapters. I'll discuss the rest later since the author says that's perhaps where things really start getting creative.

    First off, I enjoy real life etiological mythology, and I enjoyed the mythos of the Pokémon world for what its worth (especially as represented in the 12th Pokémon film), so this fic was right up my alley from the beginning.

    I actually imagine it being narrated by the fellow who narrated Stephen Hawking on his show on the Science Channel whose name escapes me. Of course Hawking deals in the complete opposite of etiological mythology, but since we're dealing in a world where 99% of its animal species are magical creatures which can be objectively proved to exist, the fantastic nature of this world's origin is completely beside the point.

    I can vividly imagine watching a TV show from the Pokémon World with a narrator reading the copy from this fic as voiceover against animated re-enactments of the actions of the Legendary Pokémon featured thusfar.

    By Chapter 3 at least this doesn't seem to be character driven or even much more than the narrator simply describing their interpretation of how the Legendary Pokémon came to exist and create the world, and so far its done a perfectly proficient, fun job of doing that.

    I'm glad I read this and will give my impressions on later chapters when I get to them. In the meantime I'd rather not burn through all that's currently posted in one sitting.

    Thanks for inviting me to read this, I've really enjoyed it so far! :)
    Thanks, and I like how you can imagine this being a documentary, since it was partially inspired by such.
    Yes, I am a Brony. Problem, manly men?

    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/images/signaturepics/sigpic34657_1.gif


    Check out the TVTropes Fanon Pokedex project! (especially the articles written by me. :P)

  13. #73
    How puzzling! Protopost's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    356
    Blog Entries
    9

    Default Re: The Long March Of Time (Chapter 6 up!)

    This was a very interesting read and I enjoyed reading the majority of the chapters......chapter 3 being the exception. It was very......dull. By the look of the other chapters though, it seems you resolved that and are going up once more. I enjoy just how the description is just enough to suck you in and make you forget that you're supposed to do something else. The ideas are creative in how certain things occur (Alakazam/Metagross) and makes you want to read more. Don't stop writing :P

Page 5 of 5 FirstFirst ... 345

LinkBacks (?)


Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •