TEEN: The Long March Of Time (Chapter 6 up!) - Page 4

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  1. #46
    Feudal Articuno Man TheHydreigonator's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Raikou View Post
    i dont see any diffrence...
    Look closely at the list of legendaries and the part where the destruction of the Alakazam/Metagross civilization is proposed. A certain Pokemon is missing... In fact, in the list, two are now missing.
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  2. #47
    Feudal Articuno Man TheHydreigonator's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    It's finally here!
    Just to note, although it isn't important for this chapter, here's what I changed in the last chapter, hidden in a spoiler tag in case you don't want to know:



    Now, on with Chapter 5!

    Chapter 5: Arrival

    They have existed since almost the beginning, perhaps since before the beginning. Those few that know of their existence are divided on how the Missingno came to be. Some say they formed from pieces of the original chaos that existed before the world began. Others say they were created by the mischievous young Giratina, before he had a true grasp on his powers. Yet others say they came here from another universe, or even the space between universes. However they came here, the Missingno are truly terrifying to behold.

    They use illusions to keep their true appearance secret, but those unlucky enough to see one’s true form but lucky enough to live to tell the tale say that they look like deformed, skeletal birds, with two wings and four legs. They are said to warp reality itself, and most dangerously of all, they can use those reality warping-powers to summon beings from across the universe - or even from other universes.

    At first, the earliest legendaries didn’t know what to do with them, despite their initial urge to destroy them. Then Uxie had an idea. They would allow the Missingno to live on the planet, as long as they provided one vital service: summon non-superpowered organisms from other universes to keep the ecosystem in balance.

    And so for millions of years they preformed the mundane job of summoning bugs and plants and fungi and microbes to spread across the planet. Some of the organisms got lucky and were seeded with Mew’s DNA, but the rest remained food for the rapidly developing Pokémon species.

    The Missingno, on the other hand, thrived in the background – but were bored to tears. To them, the job was bland, and didn’t cause nearly enough chaos for their liking - for the Missingno loved chaos, and wished to cause as much of it as possible.

    They tried to mix things up a little – by summoning bizarre alien beings that eventually became Pokémon like Lunatone, Solrock, Cleffa, and Staryu - but that wasn’t enough. For most of their long lives, they remained bored as ever.

    Then came the rise of the Alakazam and Metagross. At first, the Missingno regarded them with only mild curiosity. Only when they started to get organized and the first territorial brawls got started did the Missingno really get interested.

    They loved the chaos that these new sapient beings caused among each other. They loved the chaos that the two species, for a while, caused between each other. They hated the peaceful times that came later, but enjoyed the occasional ideological war that sprung up (and even caused a few). And most of all, they adored the explosive, cataclysmic end.

    They wanted more, and as soon as possible. They didn’t want to wait for the Alakazam and Metagross to rebuild, and doubted it would even happen. So, a group of Misssingno decided they’d bring chaos to the world another way.

    They gathered together in a secluded area, and began to create massive portals to another universe. On the other side, strange creatures were drawn, as if hypnotized, to the portals. These creatures were relatively small, and weak, and had no elemental powers, but they had intelligence, and passion, and could use them both to terrible, wonderful, effect. They stepped through the portals, not knowing they would change the Pokémon world for all time.

    Humanity had arrived.

    They came from a world gone wrong, a world where only the elite had advanced technology and the rest were forced to feed, figuratively and literally, on the scraps they left behind. The humans who stepped through the portal were part of “the rest,” and for the most part the only possessions they brought with them were herds of livestock, who had also been drawn by the hypnotic nature of the Missingno gateway.

    They would create a world better than the one they left, in time, but for now, they were helpless, and vulnerable, and the Missingno weren’t willing to help them survive much.

    Humanity- and the food creatures they brought with them - were easy prey for some of the larger, more vicious Pokémon that inhabited the world. They attacked livestock, children, even adults- anything they could get their claws on. Even though millions of people came through the portals, only a fraction of them managed to survive. They tried to fight them off with improvised weapons- rocks, sticks, etc. – but those were no match for the superpowered creatures.

    Humans weren’t so nice to the weaker Pokémon either – but out of necessity. They often caught and killed small rodent and fish Pokémon and ate them, to help themselves survive. Unfortunately, said Pokémon were proficient at fighting back, and so the humans were often left who empty stomachs. Humanity looked like it was doomed to die out in this new world it had inadvertently strayed into.

    But then some Pokémon – a select few species that were more intelligent than most and even had a sense of nobility – began to take pity on the humans. They decided they’d do something about humanity’s plight.

    The first to do so was the Lucario species, who came to the simple settlements the humans created and began to defend them against marauding attackers – particularly their mortal enemy Zoroark, which used its illusions to attack humans with ease until the Lucario used their aura abilities to sniff them out.

    More Pokémon soon came to help the humans, and when that started to happen humans realized that with enough food and a little bit of force they could convince other Pokémon to protect them as well.

    And so began the process of capturing Pokémon in their first stage of evolution and keeping them as guards against other Pokémon. Most fully-evolved Pokémon- and pretty much all dragon-types- were considered untamable, so they had to start out small. At first, these first stage Pokémon had little advantage against their evolved wild counterparts, but then the humans discovered something remarkable.

    They discovered that the elemental powers of Pokémon interacted in dramatic ways – and that they caused Pokémon to be strong against some types of elemental powers and weak against others. They quickly gained knowledge of what was effective and what wasn’t, and used that to quickly defeat wild Pokémon. The Pokémon that they tamed, as a result, grew stronger until they evolved as well, making them even more effective in defending their new human allies.

    However, Pokémon are pugnacious by nature, and even when the humans were not under siege they had a strong urge to fight. The humans decided that instead of letting them express that urge by trashing their villages, they could get their tamed Pokémon to fight each other in friendly competitions. The sport of Pokémon battling was born.

    But as well as the humans were doing, they were about to have a major blow struck against them.

    The Missingno, seeing how successful the humans were now, decided to move on to the next phase of their plan. They decided they would manipulate human history to repeat their chaos-filled past until they eventually either destroyed themselves, got destroyed by the legendaries, or, if push came to shove, the Missingno themselves had to destroy them. However, they knew the humans would have a sense of déjà vu if they manipulated history without manipulating the minds of the humans in some way. So, they did.

    They used their reality warping powers to wipe all memory of the humans’ home universe, and all the memories of technology and history that came with it. The humans fell a step backward almost overnight. If it weren’t for their loyal Pokemon companions, they could have been wiped out due to this manipulation of their minds.

    But some Pokémon took notice.

    The Alakazam were among the Pokémon that the humans had tamed. Metagross, on the other hand, were considered untamable, but they watched from the sidelines. Both Pokémon, with their psychic powers, noticed that something strange had occurred with the minds of the humans.

    Human civilization had given them a great boost. The Alakazam and Metagross were able to get organized again, and working together for the first time in thousands of years, they were able to discover what the Missingno were doing. This shocking discovery led them to form a new pact, with a new mission – stop the Missingno from achieving their goal at all costs.

    The legendaries were not oblivious to what had happened with the Missingno either- but, due to what happened last time, they were afraid to interfere again. And so they sat back and waited.

    In the midst of all this, the humans and their Pokemon companions continued to do well. Once again, the villages became towns, then cities, then entire kingdoms.

    A new era was about to begin.

    ---------------------

    This chapter my be a little shorter than the others; if so, I apologize.

    I've been fighting a lack of motivation the past few weeks, with Black and White coming out soon and all, and I hope that doesn't kill this fic. Fortunately, I can base new chapters on canon points in Pokemon history now, so I could come out with a new chapter at a better pace. The problem is which events to include in which chapters...

    Also, some colour no doubt, I skimmed Chapter 6 of seasons and quite liked it. I'll read it more thoroughly and post a review soon.
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  3. #48
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Aww hell yeah. This is good stuff.

  4. #49
    Chaos in Thunder Shadow Raikou's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    so humans were animals from another universe? i did not like it that much...

    They should make all quadruple Pokemon ride able along with Gogoat.

  5. #50
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    I really liked what you did with the Missingno, and them being the reason of the diversity of the pokemon world.

    Also, I liked how you referenced the Metagross family's incredibly low catch rate.

    Keep up the good work!

    Are you going to put the other glitches in here? There are a few that have higher base stats than Arceus, and I'd love to see those.

  6. #51
    Is awesome DarkShadowJake's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    I liked this. Especially the Lucario and Zoroark rivalry, I thought nobody else noticed the similarities.

    Also, is this MissingNo's form the Aerodactyl one?
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  7. #52
    God. ace the dragon tamer's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    You can has lots of opulence.


    Quote Originally Posted by bell02+ View Post
    I also have a theory that people have tentacle rape fetishes because in a past life they may have been a giant squid that feed off of mermaids. I think it's a logical rationality and I accept no other theories.

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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    I must say you have another fan. I thought it would be difficult to make a story out something most of us already know, but you pulled it off very well.

    Something I noticed during the Alakazam/Metagross civilization chapter though was that you at first you mentioned them being psudo Metagross/Alakazam. You never mentioned if this changed during their reign or afterwards to become what we know today.

    Also the legendaries that stopped the fighting. Would Jirachi be a good one to include in that list? It is asleep for a very long time usually and if I recall, came from space...

    Other than that great chapter. loved that very unique way humans entered the world. Very creative. Cant wait to see how Missingno are put in their place. Considering they are just about no more in pokemon "now timeframe." I can only assume they were "taken care of"

    Thanks EternusSitus
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  9. #54
    Feudal Articuno Man TheHydreigonator's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Quote Originally Posted by El_Noobio View Post
    Aww hell yeah. This is good stuff.
    Thanks, but while I appreciate the praise (and, to use an old saying, I don't want to look a gift Rapidash in the mouth) I usually hope for something slightly more constructive, i.e. exactly what you liked and possibly even disliked. Still glad for the positive response, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Raikou View Post
    so humans were animals from another universe? i did not like it that much...
    Eh, I can't expect everyone to like everything. My reasoning behind it was that I figured something superpower-less like humanity probably wouldn't be able to evolve in a world where nearly all the animals (and some of the plants) had superpowers.

    If you like this better, one of the other options I considered was to have humanity be a "failed" experiment of the Alakazam and Metagross that thrived after the civilization of their creators collapsed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hadesiro View Post
    I really liked what you did with the Missingno, and them being the reason of the diversity of the pokemon world.

    Also, I liked how you referenced the Metagross family's incredibly low catch rate.

    Keep up the good work!

    Are you going to put the other glitches in here? There are a few that have higher base stats than Arceus, and I'd love to see those.
    They're only part of the reason for the Pokemon world's diversity - the other contributors are Mew and the Alakazam and Metagross (who created several Pokemon themselves). And it wasn't meant to be a reference to its catch rate - at that point the humans thought pretty much every pesudo-legendary (as well as every Dragon-type) was untameable. But, I just mean those as corrections, and thanks for the feedback.

    Missingno is the only glitch Pokemon I'm really familiar with, so it probably will be the only one that shows up. Though they could summon one of the high-base-stat glitches to help them in their goals.

    Quote Originally Posted by Knight of Shadows View Post
    I liked this. Especially the Lucario and Zoroark rivalry, I thought nobody else noticed the similarities.

    Also, is this MissingNo's form the Aerodactyl one?
    You're' not the only one who's noticed the similarities, believe me. I'm glad you like the idea of a rivalry between the two.

    As for Missingno's form: The Areodactyl form is just one of its many illusions. The real Missingno is even more terrifying.

    Quote Originally Posted by ace the dragon tamer View Post
    You can has lots of opulence.
    Um...*looks up what opulence means* Oh, OK, that's good. See what I said to El Noobio, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by PokeViper View Post
    I must say you have another fan. I thought it would be difficult to make a story out something most of us already know, but you pulled it off very well.

    Something I noticed during the Alakazam/Metagross civilization chapter though was that you at first you mentioned them being psudo Metagross/Alakazam. You never mentioned if this changed during their reign or afterwards to become what we know today.

    Also the legendaries that stopped the fighting. Would Jirachi be a good one to include in that list? It is asleep for a very long time usually and if I recall, came from space...

    Other than that great chapter. loved that very unique way humans entered the world. Very creative. Cant wait to see how Missingno are put in their place. Considering they are just about no more in pokemon "now timeframe." I can only assume they were "taken care of"
    Thanks very much. As for your questions:

    It didn’t take long for the Alakazam-Metagross civilization to become so advanced they could enhance themselves – improving their neural networks and enlarging their brains to become even smarter and more proficient with psychic powers than ever before.
    Though you're probably right about Jirachi. I might have to edit him out and deal with his origins in a later chapter.
    Last edited by TheHydreigonator; 10th February 2011 at 09:42 PM.
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    Bitch be trippin' balls! PokeViper's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Quote Originally Posted by InsaneTyranitar View Post
    Thanks very much. As for your questions:



    Though you're probably right about Jirachi. I might have to edit him out and deal with his origins in a later chapter.
    Your welcome, and that makes sense now, looking at the quote.

    I am curious too see what would come of Jirachi, I think its always been one of the most curious legendaries.

    Thanks EternusSitus
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  11. #56
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Yayayayaayayayayayayaay! I loved this chapter!
    The explanation for humans was wonderful. Never before had I even considered anything along those lines, and I can't wait to see what happens with Missingo. Serious ass-kickery to comence I beleive.
    I love reading this, it shakes up the norm, doesn't fit into any genre of the workshop yet remains strong and interesting at the same time.
    Keep it up I can't wait for more!

  12. #57
    Feudal Articuno Man TheHydreigonator's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    UPDATE:

    I haven't been able to work on this fic much (or get on Bulbagarden at all) due to heavy schoolwork and the fact I'm currently studying for exams. However, once those are over I'm going to get back to working on Chapter 6 IMMEDIATELY. Thank you for your patience, and I hope you enjoy it when it comes out.
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  13. #58
    DENNNNNNNIS āruscio's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    I just read most (I say most because honestly I skimmed the last few chapters; sorry) of this story and I must say this is DAMN good. All my stuff is so cynical, and I love your positive outlook on everything. And plus, your writing is very descriptive, but not wordy, something I can honestly say I struggle from. I also like the style, it's very easy to read and reminds me of gospel, strangely. If I put this on a scale, it'd be a 95/100.

    The only flaw I see is a scientific one. In Chapter 2, you say the skies of the world are red, and need to be filled with oxygen. Once they are, the skies turn blue. I have two problems with this: First, oxygen doesn't make the sky red, nitrogen does (and nitrogen is also an essential gas). Our atmosphere is three quarters nitrogen, which is why it's nice and blue. Oxygen, on the other hand, makes the sky red, which means the planet was rich with oxygen already. Problem 2: Let's suppose oxygen DOES make the sky blue. If the atmosphere was two thirds oxygen, that'd be pretty bad for life, because highly concentrated oxygen is very, very harsh to breathe.

    Otherwise, very good job! :D

  14. #59
    Feudal Articuno Man TheHydreigonator's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Quote Originally Posted by Aruscio View Post
    I just read most (I say most because honestly I skimmed the last few chapters; sorry) of this story and I must say this is DAMN good. All my stuff is so cynical, and I love your positive outlook on everything. And plus, your writing is very descriptive, but not wordy, something I can honestly say I struggle from. I also like the style, it's very easy to read and reminds me of gospel, strangely. If I put this on a scale, it'd be a 95/100.

    The only flaw I see is a scientific one. In Chapter 2, you say the skies of the world are red, and need to be filled with oxygen. Once they are, the skies turn blue. I have two problems with this: First, oxygen doesn't make the sky red, nitrogen does (and nitrogen is also an essential gas). Our atmosphere is three quarters nitrogen, which is why it's nice and blue. Oxygen, on the other hand, makes the sky red, which means the planet was rich with oxygen already. Problem 2: Let's suppose oxygen DOES make the sky blue. If the atmosphere was two thirds oxygen, that'd be pretty bad for life, because highly concentrated oxygen is very, very harsh to breathe.

    Otherwise, very good job! :D
    Thanks, and I do try to maintain a positive outlook on things, as hard as it can be sometimes. Though it's partially because I'm sick of cynical and depressing works getting all the critical praise/awards/etc.

    As for the oxygen thing... that's the problem with including science in these kinds of fics (or stories in general) - if you don't know enough, you have a good chance of getting something wrong. I'll probably go back and edit it along with all the other stuff I want to edit.

    Again, I'm glad for the feedback!
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    Feudal Articuno Man TheHydreigonator's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Long March Of Time

    Alright, here goes nothing.

    Those paying attention may notice that there is a nine-month gap between this post and the last one. I'll post the explanation I gave in another thread:

    Warning: this can get a little melodramatic.

    Way, way back in early January of this year, I started my first attempt at a long-running piece of fanfiction. It was called "The Pokemon World: A History." It managed to get a few fans, and I was personally proud of the work I'd done.

    But then Pokemon White came out, and I became horribly distracted. Then I became distracted by schoolwork and life issues, and I left the fic off at chapter five for a whopping NINE MONTHS.

    About six of those nine months after I stopped, I decided the fic was dead and moved on to other things. However, some of those other things didn't work out either, and I started to lose faith in my ability to write long stories.

    However, I've been working on an other Pokemon related-project on another site, and even though I'd been avoiding these forums out of embarrassment, I came back. I di want to do one thing: apologize to one of my fic's biggest fans, some color no doubt.

    I also saw that his fic, Seasons, had won an award, and that got me thinking: If I could resurrect this fic, and write it well, maybe I could make it awesome enough to bring people back and earn some recognition or even awards myself. Plus, it would be very satisfying to actually finish it, and I needed to start writing long stories sometime if I wanted to be a serious writer, right?

    So, I sent him a PM apologizing for abandoning my fic and congratulating him on doing so well with his.

    No response, even after several VMs and even an email attempt.

    I checked his activity and he hasn't been on much, so I PMed and VMed my fic's second biggest fan, 33Whimsicott33. No response either.

    So, I feel like I'm caught in a rut. I want to resurrect this fic really bad, but I feel like I need my big fans to respond first, and they almost seem to be ignoring me. And my story only had a few long-running fans - and if two of the biggest ones had a possible grudge towards me and the notion of me bringing back my fic, how the heck can I gain new ones?

    It's really discouraging and downright depressing, and if anybody can help (or at least give me some motivation) that would be awesome. For now though, I just feel like crap about all this.
    Well, now I've gotten myself some motivation. I edited some things about the fic a while back, and now there's a brand new title - a brand new start. I should have Chapter 6 up by Christmas Eve, hopefully sooner.

    I'm back, suckas.
    Last edited by TheHydreigonator; 18th December 2011 at 08:29 AM.
    Yes, I am coming out of the closet as a Brony. Problem, manly men?
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