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  1. #31
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Hey, everyone!

    Unfotunately, this post is not a new chapter. The new chapter has been so long in coming because of schoolwork and other activities clogging up my schedule. That, combined with my general habit of procrastinating, means that Chapter 4 is not quite done yet. Plus, the fact that it's not based on a canon point in Pokemon history means that I'm having a harder time coming up with ideas. But don't worry too much- I've already gotten some of it down and it should be ready soon enough.
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  2. #32
    Registered User ToddCam's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    An interesting read so far. A few criticisms:

    You inconsistently use the words "he" and "it" when referring to the legendaries. I imagine the "he" is the one in error, since most legendaries are genderless, and you specifically refer to Heatran having a gender. Also, it's Aerodactyl, not Areodactyl. And Pokémon, not Pokemon. (You can get an accented e by holding down ALT and typing 130 on the number pad on a PC, or holding ALT and pressing e, then releasing it and pressing e again on a Mac.)

    In such a broad subject matter, obviously there will be tonal shifts. The first part reads like a myth with its overly simplistic explanations. The third chapter is a somewhat dry textbook-like information dump. I am more looking forward to the sections with humans in them, which I assume will be more narrative (but not having extensive dialogue).

    I feel you are dropping in major Pokémon attributes casually without further elaboration. What caused the first Pokémon evolution? Did Mew "program" this into their DNA as some sort of reward system for survival? Are Pokémon, who are by and large semi-sapients, so at this prehistoric stage, or were they more base and animalistic? Are all living things on this world (Earth?) Pokémon? If so, then you will have to explain at some point that humans (also Pokémon, or at least "developed" from Pokémon? I assume this will be addressed) eat Pokémon. Not just the animals, but the plants?

    All that aside, nice job!
    it's = contraction for "it is"

    its = possessive form of "it"

  3. #33
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Quote Originally Posted by ToddCam View Post
    You inconsistently use the words "he" and "it" when referring to the legendaries. I imagine the "he" is the one in error, since most legendaries are genderless, and you specifically refer to Heatran having a gender.
    Yeah, I kept having to correct myself since I kept referring to certain legendaries as "he" instead of "it." Looks like I missed some.

    Also, it's Aerodactyl, not Areodactyl. And Pokémon, not Pokemon. (You can get an accented e by holding down ALT and typing 130 on the number pad on a PC, or holding ALT and pressing e, then releasing it and pressing e again on a Mac.)
    Oops on the Aerodactyl part. As for the Pokémon thing (Hey, I can do it!) I've just seen it used both ways.

    In such a broad subject matter, obviously there will be tonal shifts. The first part reads like a myth with its overly simplistic explanations. The third chapter is a somewhat dry textbook-like information dump. I am more looking forward to the sections with humans in them, which I assume will be more narrative (but not having extensive dialogue).
    Myth was kind of what I was going for, though I don't like the "overly simplistic" part you mentioned. But, the fact Chap. 3 does sound like a textbook when my goal was to not sound like one is disconcerting, so that chapter will have to go through a lot more editing.

    I feel you are dropping in major Pokémon attributes casually without further elaboration. What caused the first Pokémon evolution? Did Mew "program" this into their DNA as some sort of reward system for survival? Are Pokémon, who are by and large semi-sapients, so at this prehistoric stage, or were they more base and animalistic? Are all living things on this world (Earth?) Pokémon? If so, then you will have to explain at some point that humans (also Pokémon, or at least "developed" from Pokémon? I assume this will be addressed) eat Pokémon. Not just the animals, but the plants?
    The stuff about evolution is a good point, and so I'll probably work that in there when (if) I revise the third chapter. The rest will be explained in time. I will tell you this: a few select animals (along with microorganisms, most fungi, and most plants) are not Pokémon.

    All that aside, nice job!
    Thanks, and apologies for being blunt, but could you be more specific about what was actually good about it? Right now,if it weren't for that, it would seem like you don't like it at all.
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  4. #34
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    You thought this was a dead fic, huh? Well, THINK AGAIN, MOTHASUCKAS!

    That's right, this is the long anticipated Chapter 4, the weirdest chapter yet. Hopefully I made this sound less like a textbook than that last chapter, but it does definitely deviate from human history. Some of you may like the twist, some of you may not, but hopefully it's worth the wait.

    Also, this really should have been called "Secret History of the Pokemon World." Except that some parts aren't secret.

    Chapter 4: Forerunners

    Most Pokémon are rather intelligent – they can understand each other’s languages, work together with humans and other species of Pokemon, and even know the difference between good and evil. However, most wild Pokémon live animalistic lives, to the point their smarts are often underestimated. This is true for even the most intelligent Pokemon of them all: Alakazam and Metagross.

    For years human scientists have studied why this is. Why do these two Pokémon lead such simple lives? Why did creatures smarter and stronger than humanity never form any sort of civilization?

    Turns out, they did.

    They started small, at first. Precursors to each species made their slow crawl towards sapience. Primitive Alakazam used their budding psychic powers as tools. Proto-Metagross learned how to “herd” food Pokemon, and eventually began to domesticate them. It wasn’t long before each species began to form nomadic groups that moved with their herd Pokémon or to find new food resources. Soon after that, they settled down and started building villages.

    On opposite sides of the world, civilization gradually began to form.

    Villages turned into towns, and towns turned into kingdoms. One Alakazam empire began to outstrip the rest, with its emphasis on learning and study of the world around them. A similar yet different empire arose among the Metagross – while similarly powerful, it was more warlike to match the Metagross’ more aggressive, predatory nature. Strangely, both empires had yet to encounter each other, which was a good thing – they probably would have destroyed each other right then and there.

    Though there were various rebellions in the Alakazam Empire, most of them were quashed quickly. Ironically, a rebellion among the Metagross was more successful – and it even resulted in a more peaceable, democratic nation after it was over. Both empires continued to grow and thrive for the next 2000 years.

    Then, a group of Alakazam set out west on a sailing ship, on a scientific expedition to see what Pokemon lived on the western continents. When they landed on one of those continents, they were met with a surprise.

    The Metagross greeted them heartily, though they were more than a little suspicious about their new visitors. They showed them things Alakazam had never seen before- like how to farm animals instead of just plants. In turn, the Alakazam showed the Metagross things like paper and ink, which they promoted as vastly superior to the stone tablets Metagross used. Things seemed to be going well.

    Then, one Alakazam, who had gotten rather bored, started moving around a stone relic using its psychic powers. When another Alakazam called its name, it lost its concentration and dropped the statue, shattering it.

    The Metagross broke into a frenzy. The stone relic- a statue of a legendary Metagross leader - was particularly sacred to them, and they were furious that it had been destroyed. Only a few Alakazam managed to escape the carnage that ensued.

    When they returned to their homeland, they told wild tales of vicious savages and demanded war. The Alakazam troops immediately mobilized, heading across the ocean to do battle.

    Halfway through their trip they discovered the Metagross had done the same.
    The initial sea battle was brutal, to say the least. The Metagross warriors easily crushed the Alakazam troopers under their massive feet. At the same time, the Alakazam were able to throw the Metagross overboard with their psychic powers, and they sunk like rocks.

    After a long and bloody fight, the Alakazam retreated, and the Metagross celebrated their first victory.

    It wouldn’t last long.

    Soon afterwards, the Alakazam developed a weapon that was both physical and psychological- a new psychic attack that could scramble the magnetic network of the Metagross’ brain. The few Alakazam warriors that were able to master it attacked the Metagross homeland, attacking Beldum and Metang as well. The Metagross responded by attacking in numbers, and by developing a psychic attack of their own.

    And those were just the first few months of a long and bloody war that lasted over a decade.

    Alakazam developed weapons that could penetrate the thick hides of the Metagross, as well as building-crushing weapons of massive size. The Metagross, on the other hand, focused on attacking the fragile bodies of their Alakazam enemies, as well as developing building-crushing weapons of their own. Child soldiers were recruited on both sides. Many, many died.

    It seemed like nothing could stop the war. But something did.

    Over millions of years, Mew had given more power to some Pokemon than to others. Those Pokemon became gods, many of the legendaries we know today – Celebi, Latias, Latios, Jirachi, Manaphy, Shaymin, Cobalion, Terrakion, Virizion, Tornadus, Thundurus, Landorus, Melloeta, an ancient dragon whose name remains unknown, and others. Now, Mew called upon them and its primordial brothers to end this war.

    They appeared before the fighting Metagross and Alakazam en masse. The combatants stopped and stared in awe. For a moment, they thought the end of the world had come.
    Then the Trio of Spirit issued a decree: If the war would stop, the legendaries would help rebuild all the cities that had been destroyed during the war.

    Miraculously, the Alakazam and Metagross accepted. Weary of the war and intimidated by the amassing legendaries, they signed a truce and began to rebuild. It was long work, made somewhat faster by the powers of the legendaries. But in the end, the new, combined civilization of Alakazam and Metagross was greater than anything that came before. And it would soon be even greater.

    After the legendaries left, the Alakazam and Metagross, working together, experienced a golden age of innovation and technology. The invention of the printing press, the use of steam power, the creation of a network of electrical circuits, radio, satellites, television, and even the internet happened at a pace that would make any human envious. It didn’t take long for the Alakazam-Metagross civilization to become so advanced they could enhance themselves – improving their neural networks and enlarging their brains to become even smarter and more proficient with psychic powers than ever before.

    In addition to improving themselves, they created new breeds of Pokémon: the Magnemite line, the Baltoy line, the Bronzor line, Rotom, and others were created, all apparently reproducing by the same mysterious method as Metagross, which remains unknown to this day. All proved useful in helping the society work – Magnemite helped with construction, Baltoy were useful security, Bronzong provided weather control for crops, and Rotom could find what was wrong with the appliances that it possessed, so they could be fixed.

    For 700 years they thrived. But one individual would bring it all crashing down.

    One Metagross had read about the war and came to the conclusion that they were the rightful leaders of the Alakazam. It gathered up a group of followers and hatched a plan.

    One day, during a celebration of the 700th anniversary of the civilization, a vehicle carrying the Alakazam President was attacked by Metagross. Despite the attempts of the Alakazam guards, the leader was killed.

    The outrage that followed made the various small wars between the subnations of the civilization seem tiny by comparison.
    The Alakazam cracked down on the Metagross, strictly policing them and executing any opposition. In response, the Metagross organized an even bigger rebellion, destroying an entire Alakazam city. Soon, once again, the war lines were between species rather than ideologies.

    Both Alakazam and Metagross had learned to split atoms long ago. Formerly, they simply used this power source for energy. Now, however, they began to create nuclear weapons. They stockpiled massive amounts until they had enough to destroy the world several times over.

    The legendaries took notice.

    At first, they decided not to interfere again, thinking that now the Alakazam and Metagross were smarter they would manage to settle things by themselves.

    But then the Alakazam launched several of their missiles at the nearest Metagross outpost. The Metagross counteracted with their own missiles, and they both destroyed wide swaths of land, killing millions.

    But they both began plans to launch nearly all their weapons at once. The legendaries ammased and pleaded before a group of battling warriors again, but that time, the Alakazam and Metagross just fired their weapons at them.

    And that’s when the legendaries decided to do something they hoped they would never have to do.

    When the ancient dragon proposed it, they all resisted at first. But when they realized it was either the Alakazam and Metagross or all life on the planet, they reluctantly agreed.

    First, Celebi spirited away all the Beldum, Metang, Abra, and Kadabra in the night. Then, in the confusion that followed, they got to work.

    The leveled every building they could find, from the tiniest house to the biggest skyscraper. Vehicles and other machines were also destroyed. Windstorms and earthquakes and meteor showers and tidal waves and lava flows decimated the cities. Billions of citizens died in the process. Only a few managed to escape the carnage. When ships from the many space stations that had popped up in recent years tried to return to the planet, they were blasted out of the sky by Rayquaza. By the time all the legendaries were done, all that was left was rubble.

    None of the legendaries enjoyed this; most of them swore never to do anything of the sort again. But they all though it was necessary to prevent the planet from being destroyed.

    The civilization of the Alakazam and Metagross never recovered. Even after the children were brought to a time about a hundred years into the future, forests and fields had regrown where the cities once lay. Eventually the satellites fell, and the irradiated areas recovered, but the Alakazam and Metagross never rebuilt. For a few generations, they were resentful of the legendaries, and each other, but the resentment died out as they led more animalistic lives. But memories of their lost civilization still lingered, as well as the Pokemon they created. In fact, it probably would have started all over again, if it weren’t for two factors.

    One of those factors was the Missingno.


    -----------------------------------------------
    Some notes:

    1. This is NOT really meant to be an Aesop on nuclear war. I just needed a reason for the legendaries to mercy-kill the civilization.
    2. The part about Alakazam and Metagross making nuclear weapons made me laugh while I was writing it. I don't know why.
    3. The legendaries NOT mentioned so far have NOT been created yet. The ones that have already been created will still get some backstory. The ones that stopped the wars do NOT include Groudon, Kyogre, Arceus, and Giratina, for obvious reasons.
    4. Yes, the eldritch-horror Missingno are going to get involved. Is that a problem with anybody? (NOT that I'm angry with you if it is a problem.)
    5. I like capitalized NOTS.

    If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. This has the potential to be a very confusing chapter.

    I'm also gonna go back and edit spelling/grammar mistakes, as well as the English names of any Gen 5 Pokemon.
    Last edited by Umbramatic; 4th December 2011 at 10:35 AM.
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  5. #35
    CottonSheepFairy 33Whimsicott33's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    I seem to remember someone in my old school make report of how life in the pokemon world began, beginning something like how your chapter 3 went. I didn't read the rest, though, so I can't judge if she was going the way you went. FYI, she turned it in and got full credit for the project.
    Oh?

  6. #36
    Fanfic Writer some colour no doubt's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Well, that was... different.
    haha
    Compeletly unexpected yet making perfect sense. If some pokémon are smarter than humans, why hadn't they outstripped them? Very good! Very well written, your choice of the two pokémon to use made sense and how you ended it was perfect.
    A big improvement from the last chapter, good to see this is back on track! yay!

  7. #37
    Chaos in Thunder Shadow Raikou's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    i hope alakazam and metagross take over again... This makes me think to make a sequel to this, The Pokemon World: The Future!

    They should make all quadruple Pokemon ride able along with Gogoat.

  8. #38
    Card Faker EricDLee's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    ...Whoa. Can't say I saw that one coming. I like the way you're going with this, it differentiates it from other Pokemon histories I've read. Can't wait to hear about Missingno!
    Games, apps, and more!

  9. #39
    God. ace the dragon tamer's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    I.LOVE.THIS.FIC.


    Quote Originally Posted by bell02+ View Post
    I also have a theory that people have tentacle rape fetishes because in a past life they may have been a giant squid that feed off of mermaids. I think it's a logical rationality and I accept no other theories.

  10. #40
    All hail Pokemon! floracat's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Quote Originally Posted by ace the dragon tamer View Post
    I.LOVE.THIS.FIC.
    I couldn't agree more. Awesome chapter, and I can't wait to hear about Missingno.
    To date, life has been a reace between Software companeies making bigger and better idiot proof programs, and the universe making bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.

  11. #41
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    @333Erufuun333: That's awesome about your friend. Hopefully he had a more thorough explanation of the Pokemon variety of evolution than I did.

    Speaking of which, I did come up with a sort-of-explanation: it's a carry-over of Mew's shape-shifting abilities. I'm not sure if it's sufficient, though, and I may have to change or expand on it.

    @some colour no doubt: Glad to see you liked this better than the last chapter. I'll definitely keep away from being too similar to Earth history, but there will be some parallels.

    @Shadow Raikou: The Alakazam and Metagross won't be rebuilding their empire, but they will be involved in future chapters.

    Feel free to write that future fic after I'm finished with this story.

    @EricDLee: Glad to see this helps make it unique. I really want to think of ways to make it both faithful to known Pokemon history and yet also different enough to make it less of a narrative version of what we already know.

    @ace the dragon tamer: Thanks, and I appreciate the enthusiasm, but what exactly did you love about it?

    @floracat: Missingno will be very involved in chapters to come. And I got your PM. I imagine Torchic having some organic flame retardant in its body or something.
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  12. #42
    God. ace the dragon tamer's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Quote Originally Posted by InsaneTyranitar View Post
    @333Erufuun333: That's awesome about your friend. Hopefully he had a more thorough explanation of the Pokemon variety of evolution than I did.

    Speaking of which, I did come up with a sort-of-explanation: it's a carry-over of Mew's shape-shifting abilities. I'm not sure if it's sufficient, though, and I may have to change or expand on it.

    @some colour no doubt: Glad to see you liked this better than the last chapter. I'll definitely keep away from being too similar to Earth history, but there will be some parallels.

    @Shadow Raikou: The Alakazam and Metagross won't be rebuilding their empire, but they will be involved in future chapters.

    Feel free to write that future fic after I'm finished with this story.

    @EricDLee: Glad to see this helps make it unique. I really want to think of ways to make it both faithful to known Pokemon history and yet also different enough to make it less of a narrative version of what we already know.

    @ace the dragon tamer: Thanks, and I appreciate the enthusiasm, but what exactly did you love about it?

    @floracat: Missingno will be very involved in chapters to come. And I got your PM. I imagine Torchic having some organic flame retardant in its body or something.
    It reminds me of the show planet earth,in my head.I like it.


    Quote Originally Posted by bell02+ View Post
    I also have a theory that people have tentacle rape fetishes because in a past life they may have been a giant squid that feed off of mermaids. I think it's a logical rationality and I accept no other theories.

  13. #43
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Quote Originally Posted by ace the dragon tamer View Post
    It reminds me of the show planet earth,in my head.I like it.
    Ah, I gotcha. Planet Earth is a great series.
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  14. #44
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    Another minor update: I realized I inadvertently included some things in Chapter 4 that I didn't want to include until later in the fic, so I edited them out. I suggest rereading the middle and the end (specifically, the parts about the legendaries) so you aren't confused later.

    Chapter 5 is coming soon... promise.
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  15. #45
    Chaos in Thunder Shadow Raikou's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokemon World: A History

    i dont see any diffrence...

    They should make all quadruple Pokemon ride able along with Gogoat.

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