29th May 2005, 07:03 AM #1
The Loner Raichu
Hello all. This is my first fanfic ever and its called the loner Raichu and its about a Raichu who is being abused by his trainer and he is thinking of escaping..and....yeah. Please just read it O.K? ^^"
Summary: The story of a Raichu who doesn't wanna take any more sh*t from his asshole of a trainer. lmao
Here it is....(By the way this is rated PG13) (Rating might go up)
Chapter 1: Darkness of the past
It was another day at the Indigo Platue and, as always, trainers come from around the world to compete to be number one. My trainers name is Mike-and let me tell you he isn't a nice trainer! He has short brown hair and light blue eyes. He also wears a black and red vest with a dark brown T-shirt, dark blue jeans and black shoes. His pokemon are Houndoom, Venusaur, Feraligartor, Umbreon, Espeon, and of course me, Raichu. He loves all of his pokemon, and all of his pokemon love him back, well, except me that is. I've always felt like I didn't belong in his team. Maybe because him catching me wasn't even supposed to happen....
It was the year 2000. The year of the electric pokemon war. Don't ask me what started it but somehow all of the electric pokemon families started fighting with one another. Different electric pokemon species were hiding out in different parts of the world. There they made their own fort, mainly for the elderly and baby pokemon of their species and for supplies. We, the Pikachu family, hid out in the southeast part of Kanto. Our fort was in the Diglett's cave. I was only just a newborn at the time so I had to stay in the hideout with all of the other newborns and elderly.
One day I got bored so I decided to go out and explore while all the other pokemon went to war at southwest Kanto. Passing all the other pokemon that were in there, I slowly exited the cave. The only problem was I was not at Rt.11 anymore where all the pokemon entered. My head told me to go back but curiosity took over. After I walked around a bit I came to a giant tree. I squeezed around the tree and walked into an open grass patch on the other side. There were no pokemon in the grass at the time though.
'They must have been scared away by something', I thought, and I found out why when I started walking into it. Just a few feet ahead of me I saw a trainer, his pokemon, Bulbasaur, and a wild Pidgey. There was something wrong with this Pidgey though; instead of it being the light brown color it usually is this one was a light tan color. I hid in a tall patch of grass so the trainer wouldn't see me.
The battle went on for a couple of minutes and when the Pidgey looked like it was getting tired the trainer took out what looked like to be a ball. Suddenly the Pidgey was running towards me. I was confused at why it was doing that but then I realized why. It wanted to hide in the same patch of grass I was hiding in!!
I wanted to move away but I couldn't. My tiny body was frozen there on the spot due to a tremendous amount of fear of what was going to happen next.
It all happened so fast too. First, the discolored Pidgey was in the same patch of grass with me. Then the trainer turned around so he was facing us and then he threw that ball thing towards us. Actually, it was heading closer towards the discolored Pidgey. It looked like a red and white ball that was about half the size of me.
Suddenly when the ball was about a foot away from the discolored Pidgey it snook up behind me and pushed me towards it!! I lost my balance and disappeared in a flash of white light and before I knew it I was INSIDE the ball!!!!
I looked out of the ball. Outside I saw the discolored Pidgey walking away, laughing to himself in an evil kind of way. I started to growl but stopped when I felt the pokeball being lifted up. When I looked out the pokeball again I was face-to-face with the human that had caught me. He frowned. I could literally see the fire growing in his eyes.
"Pichu...." I said softly. My tiny yellow body shook with fear.
"This..isn't....THE SHINY PIDGEY I CAUGHT!!!!
Anyways right now I couldn't see anything. Suddenly I heard a voice call out from the darkness I was in.
"Get the hell up Raichu!!"
It was my trainer Mike's voice.
'Great now what does he want?' I thought to myself. The voice repeated in my head over and over again, slowly getting louder
Suddenly my eyes shot open and I stood up. I was in the middle of a rocky battle field and a few feet away from me stood a Blastoise, getting the cannons on its back ready for a hydro pump.
'I must have blacked out for a second there', I sighed heavily to myself 'That’s why I had that flashback....'
The Blastoise had already shot water out of its cannons and it was heading towards me but I was to lost in my own thoughts to notice.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING RAICHU?! GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!! My trainer shouted to me across the battle field.
I looked ahead of me and jumped up just in time to dodge the water. I then came crashing down to the battle field with a headbutt straight to the Blastoise's head. We then both fell to the ground, unconscious.
Last edited by Evil The Pika; 30th May 2005 at 08:24 AM.
29th May 2005, 08:38 PM #2
A black and white world
Well, the censoring near the end is *really* distracting. There's no need to do that here. And if it was delibrate, if you can't handle using stronger language where need be, you should rethink writing.
The opening...why is there such a long physical description of Mike?
30th May 2005, 12:01 PM #3
*twitch* I tried to reply yesterday but the forums have been acting kinda funny...
Anyway, I like it. Personally I'm a fan of pokémon POV fics. ALTHO they can get a little tedious if they're not done well... then again so can anything. But I like the fact that the Raichu and the trainer don't like each other. That's always good! Nothing like a bit of conflict...
I didn't notice the description of Mike being overly long... I thought it was a reasonable enough opening paragraph. Although the very start of the first sentence shouldn't you have said "It is" instead of "It was"? so the tense is the same throughout the paragraph. I dunno, i'm not very good at english...
30th May 2005, 06:00 PM #4
Maybe the first sentence would read better as: "It was another day at the Indigo Plateau and, as always, trainers came from around the world to compete to be number one."
The vulgar language at the end establishes what we know about Mike: that he isn't a nice trainer. But it is jarring to read after a fairly nondescript backstory about Pichu.
6th June 2005, 06:00 PM #5
hey guys thanx for reading/reviewing my fic (at serebii all they seemed to do was critizise me <.<;;;;;;;;;)
anyways heres the next chap.
Chapter 2: The escape
The morning after the battle I woke up with a jolt of pain in my head. I looked out of my pokeball and could see that I was in the pokemon center with Mike and his 5 other pokemon. They were all in a deep sleep- no cuts or bruises or any kind of injury was on them.
'Guess Mike didn't want to heal me at the pokemon center with the rest of his pokemon....Again.' I sighed out deeply. 'Damn! How come he always treats me like sh*t and the rest of his pokemon like they are his friends?! I mean I’m like the only strong pokemon on his team and without me he can't....Wait that’s it!' I jumped up, feeling more energetic then he had in years. "Without me he probably can't even get through a single battle today!" I started doing flips around his pokeball.
'Today is the day!' I thought happily to myself. 'Today is the day I will make my escape!'
The last time I had tried to make my escape was a week after Mike had captured me. I was only a little pichu back then so, of course, I was caught and I had to pay the price. That day was so horrible that I had forced myself to forget until now....
It all started at nighttime in the pokemon center. I had just woken up from a jolt of pain circulating throughout my body. I couldn't see very well through the darkness of my pokeball but the sharp pain in my arm told me that my wound from today's beating by Mike had re-opened. I went up to the side of my pokeball where a little bit of light filtered through. The blood from my wound was already staining my light yellow fur a dark red. I looked out of my pokeball while desperately trying to lick the blood off of my fur. Everyone was asleep at the time. Suddenly an idea came to my mind.
'What if I escaped?' I thought to myself, looking out at Mike and his other pokemon, sleeping. 'If I escape then I won't be abused by Mike anymore!'
I carefully let myself out of my pokeball. Tiptoeing across the floor, I slowly made my way to the automatic doors. I jumped up and down so they would open and once they did I quietly made my way outside. Little did I know that someone was watching me....
Deep into the forest I ran. My tiny paws hitting the ground almost silently. I didn't care how much my arm hurt when I did that because I knew that if I didn't have to be Mike's pokemon anymore then I was going to be fine. After running for a while I came to a clearing.
Suddenly I stopped. I heard a noise. And not just any noise- it was a pokemon!
"Saur..saur...." I kept hearing the strange noise.
"Who's there?!" My tiny voice echoed throughout the forest.
Suddenly a shadowy figure stepped out from behind a tree. I quickly turned around to see what it was and froze. It was Bulbasaur. And not just any bulbasaur; it was Mikes bulbasaur!
'Oh....god' I thought. I hated Mike's bulbasaur as much as I hated Mike himself. The reason being is because every time Mike would get the least bit agitated with me he'd tell bulbasaur to attack me and, of course, bulbasaur would do it without hesitation.
"Your in deep sh*t now pichu...." Bulbasaur said smugly. "Wait till I bring you to Mike so he can know you've tried to escape!"
"Wait bulbasaur! Its not what it looks like-"
Suddenly a long vine came out from behind the same tree bulbasaur was behind and smashed into the side of my face. The vine withdrew and a small trickle of blood ran down my face where it had been.
"Shut your yap rodent!" I heard a femine voice from behind the tree. "You have no right to try and reason with Zak!" Just then another bulbasaur stepped out from behind the tree. This one was female; I could tell from her voice and blue eyes.
Mike's bulbasaur, or Zak as the female bulbasaur had referred him to, stuttered.
"Uh..Renea you really shouldn't be here right now...." Zak looked at me, then at Renea (the female bulbasaur) then back at me again.
"Ah-hah!" I jumped up and pointed at Zak. "Just wait till Mike heres you've been going out with someone!"
"Um....Uh.." Zak was at a loss for words.
"Wait just a minute Zak" Renea said evilly. "You know we are both stronger then him...." One of Renea's vines came out swiftly, wrapped around my stomach, and lifted me up in mid air. "So we can just make him forget" Just as Renea said that she threw me hard against the tree and, sadly, that was all I remembered....
Meanwhile in my pokeball I had made plans to escape. I then quietly let myself out of my pokeball. Stepping over Zak, Mike, and their pokeball's I got to the automatic doors and they opened. Once I got outside I deeply inhaled the fresh cool air around me and then slowly exhaled. Enjoying the scenery, I slowly trotted into the woods. Then I began to run.
"Yes!" I thought out loud "I am finally free from Zak, Mike, and all of there other evil pokemon!"
I continued to run for about 15 minutes until I came to a clearing. I stopped to look at the small clearing....and then froze.
"This clearing looks awfully familiar...." I said, slightly shaking. Suddenly a heard a noise from behind one of the bushes. I walked over to the bush and looked behind it curiously. There I saw a venusaur, with 5 eggs next to it, sleeping. But it wasn't just any venusaur- it was Renea!!
Last edited by Evil The Pika; 6th June 2005 at 06:02 PM.
6th June 2005, 07:58 PM #6
in the first bit there was two confusing places where he was referred to in 3rd person... didn't know what was goin on...
Anyway, I enjoyed that part. It was a little short, mostly the flashback. But I'm interested to see what happens with Renea this time round