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  1. #1
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
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    Default A Little Bit of Good (Chapter 5 up)

    Here is the second story I'm starting up. I'd like to have two in rotation, so that way if I get stuck on one, I have to other one to write until I get an idea. The thing about this one is, I have a large bucket of ideas for it. These characters speak to me.

    This is NOT a shipping fic. I'm not quite even sure what the name of a Grimsley and Caitlin shipping is. This will focus on Grimsley, and maybe a bit of the Elite Four. But I don't know if I want Grimsley to stay at the Elite Four, or leave. Aside from that, this was written in about five hours time. If you add it all up.

    PS: the title will actually have something to do with the story, in a while.

    PSS: Don't be thrown off by my abstract style. This is just a intoduction chapter.
    .....................

    Chapter 1

    "I don't like him."

    "Hush."

    Grimsley and Caitlin sat in a small room in the building of the Unovian Elite Four, watching a tv, with a battle against Marshal on the screen.

    "A Dunsparce? What the hell is a Dunsparse?" Grimsley spoke out, to no one in particular.

    The battle wasn't very interesting. Grimsley and Caitlin often sat and watched the other battles when they had been defeated or were waiting for their turn. Sometimes battles would last five minutes, the elite four members completely flooring the innocent trainers. Other times, battles would last up to a half-hour, putting pressure on everyone, the trainer and the elite four. This was not one of those times.

    "You think he would know better. A water type, really, don't make me laugh." Grimsley smirked at the trainer that was shown on the screen before him, sinking deeper into defeat.

    "He certainly isn't doing that well. His personality is quite uncouth, and he should really be training his pokemon better." Caitlin added.

    The trainer was clearly not thinking. After seeing his Basculin nearly being crushed by a much more experienced Throh, he forfeited the battle. Marshal looked annoyed, most likely because he hated battling trainers who were complete idiots. Grimsley and Caitlin couldn't help laughing at their ticked off friend.
    Grimsley was hoping that the trainer was the last of the day, he couldn't take any more foolish people. Caitlin was, awkwardly, thinking about tacos. It should be noted that elite four members have a very long day on the job, and Catilin did not have enough time for a lunch break.

    "Jeez, Cait, Battling sure has been stupid lately." Grimsley told his Caitlin, as she was gathering her things.

    "You're putting it mildly. I haven't met one trainer who knows the value of pokemon in months." Caitlin agreed with Grimsley.

    "So, what're you doing tonight?" Grimsley put his arms around Caitlin, and she couldn't help but laugh.

    "What are you doing?" she laughed, gently removing his arms from her body.

    "Just trying to make you feel comfortable, is all." Grimsley grinned.

    "Well I was already feeling well, but thank you for the concerns," Caitlin reassured him, "And I'm probably just going to do some scrapbooking. You know, pictures of Marill."

    "Ah yes, that. Why don't you scrapbook pictures of people? Of life?" Grimsley asked her, enjoying her company.

    "Because, it's much better living it then looking at it." she said contently, which ended the conversation there.

    Grimsley and Caitlin were just friends, co-workers, never closer then that. Although she had never admitted it, she always wished that Grimsley and her were better friends. She hardly ever talked to him out side of the Elite Four. She wasn't even quite sure where he lived. They always joked around at work that they were dating, which wasn't the case at all. They never fooled around, which is like joking around, but taking it to the next step.

    She always wondered why he was only nice to her.

    "Goodnight Cait." Grimsley told her, as he left the room and headed for home, not even waiting for her response.

    ...........................................

    Grimsley lived in a secluded house on the east side of Opelucid. He lived a quiet and ordinary life, read many books, and was alone.

    Alone.

    Grimsley didn't want to think of that. He had his pokemon, right? Grimsley got home that day, made tea, fed his pokemon, sat in a comfy chair in his study, and read. Grimsley read every night, and he wasn't very dark for a Dark trainer. He was very optimistic about a lot of things. He didn't enjoy many people, he often grew bored with them. He often read the work of the late, great Professor Oak. "Such a brilliant scientist," Grimsley would often say. And Grimsley would often fall asleep with a book in his lap, and his Liepard at his feet.

    And then Grimsley would wake up.

    Grimsley would go to work at the elite four, and being the fashionable trainer he was, got high respect for it. He would get trainers everyday, and they would be nothing but flies, flies that he could easily flick away. Every now and then a fly was a mosquito, and he would lose the battle. But in the end, the champion was always invincible.

    Then after a long day of battles, he would go home. And make him a cup of tea, and read, sleep.

    Then he would wake up, go to work, come home, make tea, read, sleep.

    Then he would wake up, go to work, come home, tea, read, sleep.

    Grimsley's mind was telling him that this had better come to a stop. His life was just a car and going nowhere, and fast. Why was it always books, never the outdoors? He needed something; he wasn't anything. He needed someone; he wasn't anyone.

    Grimsley couldn't tolerate all the air he had.

    He did something different one day. Instead of coming home and immediately starting up a pot of tea, he went to his bathroom, and stared at himself in the mirror. He saw a young man, someone with promise; he had life he needed to live. His black hair always sticking upwards, his coat that he got at an old store in Hiun, his tantalizing aqua eyes. He vowed he would change his lifestyle. He promised he would stop being secluded and rude everyone.

    And then he went and got his book and his tea, and read.
    ............................................................................

    "Liepard, Night Slash."

    Liepard jumped elegantly into the air and landed a slash right across the foe Zweilouses face’s. The Zweilous fell over and fainted on the spot. Grimsley couldn't help but laugh at the fallen creature. The trainer rushing to its aid. Grimsley had to give the trainer credit for not giving up till the end And he had to admit, he certainly had some skill.

    "You put up a good fight, but your defenses were down. Come back when you've-"

    "You jerk! My pokemon are in the top percentage of all pokemon around!"

    "Get out."
    ..................................................................

    "I don't get it Caitlin. I just don't understand. The great Professor Oak said that fifty years ago, battles were more skillful, required more understanding." Grimsley complained to Caitlin, who was trying to listen. Her hair muffled anything people tried to say to her.

    "Well, what're you going to do?" Caitlin asked Grimsley, and silence filled the room.

    "All I'm saying is," Grimsley continued after a long pause, "is that battling isn't what it used to be."

    "Well, ok." Caitlin simply said.

    "Ok. Ok? Do you really think it's ok-"

    "I'm not saying it's ok! I'm just saying there is little we can do about it. So that's that." Caitlin defended herself.

    Grimsley couldn't argue with that. So he simply put his hand on Caitlin’s hand, and he watched the battle unfolding on the screen before them. Caitlin stared at him the entire time.
    Last edited by Cabaret; 9th March 2013 at 08:53 PM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good

    Very good fic, loved how you made Grimsley's character, IMO it fits him to a t. You said you weren't sure if you wanted to make him leave the Elite Four or not, if I can help you on idea's, I'd say leave... for now. Have him start anew maybe, travel through Unova, like I'm sure he one day did. Bonding with his Pokemon more, training, and then after some time, he can try to battle Alder again. Proving to be much stronger, form that point, it's up to you where you want your fic to go, if you go with my idea/advice.

    "A Dunsparce? What the hell is a Dunsparse?" I could not agree more, haha.
    My fanfiction: http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/my-pokemon-journey-98337/
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    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good

    Quote Originally Posted by Nick Ketchum View Post
    Very good fic, loved how you made Grimsley's character, IMO it fits him to a t. You said you weren't sure if you wanted to make him leave the Elite Four or not, if I can help you on idea's, I'd say leave... for now. Have him start anew maybe, travel through Unova, like I'm sure he one day did. Bonding with his Pokemon more, training, and then after some time, he can try to battle Alder again. Proving to be much stronger, form that point, it's up to you where you want your fic to go, if you go with my idea/advice.

    "A Dunsparce? What the hell is a Dunsparse?" I could not agree more, haha.
    Thank you for the review. I really am unsure at this point whether he should leave. I did think about it though, and I decided that he will stay for a while, but he'll leave because of something that will happen. This was once thought to be a fic that switched from Grimsleys life to Caitlins life every chapter, but I decided it would be interesting if Caitlin was his "love interest" to some extent.

    Another reason why I'm unsure if I want him to leave is I got a stellar idea for a journey fic, that will most likely be for laughs. Where as this will try to provide dark humor.

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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good

    Quote Originally Posted by Cabaret View Post
    Thank you for the review. I really am unsure at this point whether he should leave. I did think about it though, and I decided that he will stay for a while, but he'll leave because of something that will happen. This was once thought to be a fic that switched from Grimsleys life to Caitlins life every chapter, but I decided it would be interesting if Caitlin was his "love interest" to some extent.

    Another reason why I'm unsure if I want him to leave is I got a stellar idea for a journey fic, that will most likely be for laughs. Where as this will try to provide dark humor.


    Hm, I understand. I look forward to both the new fic, and the continuation of this one.
    My fanfiction: http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?t=98337
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  5. #5
    Registered User Ian D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good

    "He certainly isn't doing that well. His personality is quite uncouth, and he should really be training his pokemon better." Caitlin added.
    Period here should be a comma. When dialogue is done, there are three possible outcomes. One, if the sentence afterward can stand on its own, like...

    "You think he would know better. A water type, really, don't make me laugh." Grimsley smirked at the trainer that was shown on the screen before him, sinking deeper into defeat.
    this, the period ending the dialogue is fine. When it isn't able to stand on its own, you end the sentence in a COMMA.

    "Jeez, Cait, Battling sure has been stupid lately." Grimsley told his Caitlin, as she was gathering her things.

    "You're putting it mildly. I haven't met one trainer who knows the value of pokemon in months." Caitlin agreed with Grimsley.
    So those two...

    "Because, it's much better living it then looking at it." she said contently, which ended the conversation there.
    This... (I'm glad you get the capitalization rules)

    "Goodnight Cait." Grimsley told her, as he left the room and headed for home, not even waiting for her response.
    All need to be fixed.

    Although she had never admitted it, she always wished that Grimsley and her we're better friends.
    Were.

    Grimsleys mind
    Grimsley's.

    . He saw a young man, someone with promise, he had life he needed to live.
    Two things! One, it should be "he had a life". Second, that part stands better as its own sentence. I'd reccomend making it so.

    He vowed he would change his lifestyle. He promised he would stop being secluded and rude everyone.
    Rude to everyone.

    slash right across the foe Zweilouses face'es.
    ..? I'm assuming you mean face? And Zweil- durrr, I'm thinking of Hydreigon. But still, it needs to be:

    Zweilous's faces.

    The faces belong to Zweilous. Or at least I assume they would. =p

    "I don't get it Caitlin. I just don't understand. The great Professor Oak said that fifty years ago, battles were more skillful, required more understanding." Grimsley complained to Caitlin, who was trying to listen. Her hair muffled anything people tried to say to her.
    Period in dialogue needs to be a comma.

    "Well, ok." Caitlin simply said.
    And here.

    "I'm not saying it's ok! I'm just saying there is little we can do about it. So that's that." Caitlin defended herself.
    And here.

    on Caitlins hand
    The hand belongs to Caitlin. Caitlin's.

    Your main issue is grammar. But the rest of the story is stellar - the best of the best in Unova on an average day, when Grimsley realizes that his life is screwed up and so is the world around him. Really makes you think a little.

    You down yourself too much, man. You're a good author! With a little polishing up, I'd say this could turn into something excellent. If you start a PM list, add me to it!


    Thanks to ShinySandshrew of serebiiforums for the banner!

  6. #6
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good

    Thank you for the review, or the grammar review. Or something. Whatever it was, thank's. I can't fix the changes at the moment because I'm in a hurry, but I will as soon as the next chapter is up. And Zweilous is one messed up pokemon, he's got two heads.

    And the only problem I have is that when I write, nothing happens. The characters are doing useless things. But don't assume, I have planned a bit for this fic.

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    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good

    It was a good way to portrait Grimmsley actually, I mean I don't get that lonely and disturbed feeling from just looking at him which is a good thing since you take the reader by surprise. I wonder how you'll change his ways though and how his relationship with Caitlin will develop.


    He did something different one day. Instead of coming home and immediatly starting up a pot of tea, he went to his bathroom, and stared at himself in the mirror. He saw a young man, someone with promise, he had life he needed to live. His black hair always sticking upwards, his coat that he got at an old store in Hiun, his tantalizing aqua eyes. He vowed he would change his lifestyle. He promised he would stop being secluded and rude everyone.

    And then he went and got his book and his tea, and read.
    My favorite part especially how he decides to start something different and then goes and does the same thing.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good

    Quote Originally Posted by Flame Getsuga Haze View Post
    It was a good way to portrait Grimmsley actually, I mean I don't get that lonely and disturbed feeling from just looking at him which is a good thing since you take the reader by surprise. I wonder how you'll change his ways though and how his relationship with Caitlin will develop.




    My favorite part especially how he decides to start something different and then goes and does the same thing.
    Well I was going to make him a brute, but if he was going to be one, he had to be mean to everyone. But then that would have meant that he couldn't be nice to Caitlin, so I changed it to where he's just very alone, and intellectual.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good

    A Little Bit of Good, Chapter 2

    You know, this one time in the third grade, though looking back on it now it might’ve been the second grade…no, I’m positive it was the third grade. Well we were given this assignment where we were supposed to draw a picture of what we wanted to be when we grew up. Well everyone was drawing the usual, you know: astronauts, fire fighters, princesses, and pokémon trainers, all that crap. I sat at my table looking around the room at everyone, confused. Then the teacher walked over to my table and with her sickeningly grotesque flab and her shiny red shoes. She asked me, “Oh Grimsley, what would you like to be when you grow up? Why, you haven’t even started drawing yet!” Well I told her, “Nothing.” That’s right, nothing. She told me that wouldn’t do, and I would have to figure out very soon so I could draw the picture. I was confused, and I just didn’t know what to do. I mean, really, that was exactly what I wanted to do. Nothing. Why put pressure on a child by asking them “What do you want to be when you grow up?” You’re a child, and you shouldn’t have to worry about that. Clearly that woman didn’t understand, well anyway, how I disposed of her was super….

    ……….

    “Caitlin!”

    “Grimsley?”

    “Caitlin!”

    Caitlin quickly rushed into the men’s restroom of the pokémon league building. A terrified Grimsley stood at one of sinks, his arms stretched out, keeping his hands away from his body.

    “We’re out of soap! We’re out of sanitation!” Grimsley screeched like a little girl with the most horrible of ear infections.

    “Really? I swear Grimsley, I can’t believe a man like you would act like this over a little soap.”

    “Are you saying I’m bad because I want to be clean? Is that what you’re saying?!” Grimsley shouted at her, his piercing blue eyes fixated on hers.

    “No, that would be stupid. You’re overreacting, seriously, come on.”

    “You’re overreacting! What if I get a virus? I COULD DIE!” Grimsley was enraged more then ever, his arms flailing in Caitlin’s direction, his voice a thunderous echo in the enclosed restroom.

    “Would it change a thing?”

    “What?”

    Everything was black, spinning around him, he was spinning; he could feel it. Caitlin and the restroom had disappeared and now he was in an abyss. But her voice still rang in his ear.

    Would it change a thing?
    Would it change a thing?
    Would it?
    Would it?
    Would it?
    Would it?
    Would-


    Grimsley gasped for air and awoke. Covered in sweat, he stared around his room. Leipard, sitting on a chair in the corner, was sound asleep. Nothing but the ticking of a clock encompassed the air. The window shone a clear, faint moonlight onto the bed. An open book was lying on the edge, sheets were strewn out all over the bed. Grimsley slumped back down, his slender body going up and down with each heavy breath he took. He stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night, not even bothering to wash the blood off of his hands.

  10. #10
    Feudal Articuno Man Umbramatic's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good

    This... is a really good start. I mean it. Grimsley's weary-of-life personalty, the awkward dreams, the unprepared trainers... it's a very entertaining read.

    One of the only problems I have is that the chapters seem too short. I mean, mine are usually only around 1500 words, but yours seem even shorter. Your're good at this, and I want more.

    The other problems are grammar, that I'm not sure where your'e going with the plot, and this line:

    piercing blue eyes
    ...That just seems a bit cliche and Stephanie Meyer-ish. Other than that, this looks promising.
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  11. #11
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good (2)

    Right off the bat, my first impression is that your characters are vivid and have strong personalities that are deep and interesting; not flat and generic like sometimes happens in fanfiction. I love the personality behind the dialog between them.

    Anyways, I'm intrigued by this story so far. I'll be following :)

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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good (2)

    This is awesome. I really like your take on Grimsley, who I have never seen put down well.
    I shall be following
    "fsk you you little fsk. you are nothing but a fsk, you're parents were fsks. everybody you ever loved was a fsk. I fsking spit on fsking you and your fsking ancestors. you fsk around everybody all fsk like so stop being so fsking fsk you fsk from fsk land you fsking fsk, you fsking hear me you fsk? fsk you." A normal convo with a familiar lover of N.
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  13. #13
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good (2)

    Thanks for all feedback! Chapter Three shall arrive tomorrow!

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    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good (2)

    That second chapter surprised me, that was a really weird dream xD anyway I think the chapter could've been a little longer but it was good either way. Actually I might have to reread the first chapter since I got confused with the last paragraph.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: A Little Bit of Good (2)

    Hey guys, what better time to update than right now, months after the last chapter. Yeah, sorry about that. I put a lot of work in planning in writing this next chapter. It should leave you uneasy, wanting more, and particularly you should enjoy it. So now enjoy character depth through the roof in-

    A Little Bit of Good, Chapter 3

    “Grimsley, are you nervous?”

    “No, why would I be nervous?”

    “Are you nervous here?”

    “No.”

    “Then get off my desk.”
    ………………..

    Ugh. How does this happen? I mean all my life I thought the space I had was not enough. Now looking at this closet full of junk and scrapbooks, I can’t help think that my life has got to be more than the sum of this stuff. Clear it all out, Caitlin, it’s not worth anything. You live in Unova now, you have to leave Sinnoh behind. This sudden shift is kind of big, it’s like a whole new region’s moving in. You just have to throw away most of the useless stuff and just save the stuff that really matters.

    You’re a big girl now Caitlin, you can do things on your own now. You can even speak without someone having to give you the courage. Think about how much more happy you’ll be if you can breathe. Remember breathing? Breathing was fun. You can’t breathe and have fun in a stuffed little apartment. Ha, me, having fun again, it’s so funny it makes me want to burst into tears and throw myself out the window. I need to let these things go. These piles of unread books packed in this box, you know, just in case…just in case of what? Arceus, help me with this please…

    …….

    Grimsley looked down at the drink in his hand. Green tea as always, no added
    sugar or milk or honey or anything. It was just tea. The green went on forever, never into another etching color, always a green. But Grimsley knew that nothing ever stayed the same.

    He watched the battle unfold on the television before him. The little runt of a trainer wasn’t half bad. He had brown hair that complimented his black eyes quite nicely, hair reaching the collar, probably more hiding under the hat with the outline
    of a pokeball on the cap. His jacket was of two shades of blue and he wore black trainers pants. Despite having a decent face, he was weak. Not necessarily weak when it came to athleticism, but more so emotionally. It was clear the boy was crying out in pain when he called for his pokémon to make an attack. He couldn’t stand seeing them in any sort of pain, and anything that harmed his pokémon could be seen inflicting his complexion.

    “Weak,” Grimsley said out load, as he took another sip.

    “Cameron is doing alright.” Caitlin said, looking at the screen.

    “You know this boy?”

    “Cameron is my nephew.” Caitlin said as she absentmindedly stared at the tv, no care for what was going on.

    “Why didn’t you say anything?”

    “Well you didn’t ask.”

    “….”

    Cameron had lost by this point, his Throh lying lifeless on the arena floor. Cameron recalled the pokémon and then ran away as fast as he could, running away from his hideous defeat, tears streaming down his face.

    “Weak.” Grimsley said out load, as he took another sip.

    “He’ll get better. This isn’t like him.” Caitlin said as she stared at the tv, showing an empty arena.

    “Sure.”

    “He’ll get stronger.”

    “Of course.”

    “He’s a whisper right now, but soon he’ll be a roar.”

    “How precious.”

    “I don’t care one way or the other.” Caitlin said, now practically melted into her chair.

    “What’s it matter how strong he’ll get. The only thing that will count is how people will see him when he’s gone. As a winner or a loser, how they will remember him.”

    “If they remember him.” Said Caitlin, now a piece of the scenery as her motionless, emotionless body sat sulked in the chair as pale as herself.

    Grimsley stared at her blankly. She was one with the room now, limp and lifeless.

    “I’ll…go get you your pills now.” Grimsley said softly. He didn’t move a muscle.

    Both of their souls, broken.

    ………………..
    All of these years and years of junk and flotsam, piling up inside this closet en route to the sky, and I’ve had it. Need a plastic souvenir anyone? I got twenty. That’s it Caitlin, just let it all go. It needs to go. You can’t have a roommate without any space for your roommate to, well, room. What’s this, a birthday card? Since when have you told anyone when your birthday is? A pamphlet on an artist from Kanto, a phonebook, a Glaceon pin, a contest ribbon, an expensive knife, a scarf, miles and piles and piles of stuff I should have gotten rid of years ago.

    Though somehow I’ve been petrified to see what’s been kept inside these chests and cabinets. I guess it’s just really strange finding stuff from a region, or a lifetime ago. It’s just…there are things that make you feel you need them so you have proof of where you’ve been, that you’re history is real. That you’ve lived. And…I can’t let these go. Back into boxes they go.

    Ugh. How does this happen? I mean, did I tear up my whole apartment just to put it back together again? Caitlin, you’ll be fine just get creative with the space. Getting creative it what you do best. Do that so that all of these things fit together and then my whole life can stay in there. But where do I put these shoes? FUCK, why can’t I be some other Caitlin who can just let things go. I mean, I said I would try and I did but I can’t let these things go.

    You know, Ms. Perfect, that’s not me, I’m going to keep things how they’ll always be.
    ................

    "Are you okay, Grimsley?"

    "Define okay?"

    "You're hands are bleeding."

    "That's not my blood."
    Last edited by Cabaret; 3rd April 2012 at 09:30 PM.

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