Thread: Life for us...a Gym leaders past.

GREETINGS, Salutations, welcome,however you want to say it, welcome to my first venture on Pokemon fanfiction!
I've written some Phoenix Wright fanfics before, but nothing too good, anyway...

This will be a series of stories about moments in the past of gym leaders, in Unova. (Each story will be split into parts A and B.) It might be far-away, such as children, or not so far away, like just a younger adult.
//Teen for swearing, MILD sexual refrences...Enjoy!!
If you'rre going to crit, constructive, please.
I start with the story of Cilan, Chili and Cress...Part A.

‘Life for us...us three, wasn’t always as great as it seems now. You may know us as Cilan, Cress and Chilli, leaders of the Striation City Gym...many have challenged us, and many have defeated us. But not many people know the real us. Who we are. Where we come from. Not many people ask us. But here, as now we are too old to continue working in the Gym, we tell our story. For your sake, as well as ours. So listen carefully...’
Spring in the Sinnoh region! So...fresh! Exciting! Always a new discovery to be made...Cilan looked out of his bedroom window, his green hair messy from where he had just woken up. He found a brush, and started to comb his hair into something more presentable.
‘Wonder what I should do today...?’ He thought, as he walked out of his room and into the bathroom. He could always stay in, he thought. Sleep. That sounded promising. But, as he looked out the window, he saw what a nice day it was. Over by the Day-care, he saw a Pachirisu already awake. It was nibbling a Chesto Berry. It seemed to smile as it ate. The sun was beaming down. Cilan looked at the clock. Oh! 8:00am...it was later than he thought it was. He began to brush his teeth rhythmically.
So the question remained. What to do...? He could level up Roxy a bit. She did need it...So it was decided. As soon as he’d had his breakfast, he’d put on a jacket, head out with Roxy and Smidgen and level them up a bit.


As Cilan stepped out his house, he released Roxy from her Pokeball. He bounced it at the ground, and after a beam of white light, her green face and blue and pink petals came into view.
‘Rosiiieee!’ She cried, nuzzling against Cilans leg.
‘Ahh, nice to see you too Roxy!’ He replied picking her up and cuddling her tightly.’ Alright, off to Route 210!’ He said to himself, and sped off towards the grass. He spied a few school friends and waved at them as he passed. He braced himself and placed himself in the tall grass. Movement was all around him, it was just a matter of finding exactly where it was...
Suddenly, a Psyduck jumped out at him. Perfect! He had the type-advantage!
‘Go! Roxy!’ He cried, as Roxy jumped into action. ‘Roxy, use Leech seed!’ He said firmly, and Roxy nodded her head. She span around as seeds came out from her petals and implanted themselves into the Psyduck. It didn’t look like it was doing anything yet, but Cilan knew how Leech seed worked. The Psyduck came back with a scratch, barely damaging Roxy. Then, all of a sudden, green light came out of the Psyduck and into Roxy, healing her wounds.
‘Yes!’ Cilan cried. He knew he had perfected the move. It was working great. He ordered Roxy to use Magical Leaf. Leaves emanated around Roxy, then homed themselves into Psyduck. The Psyduck winced, then wobbled and fell over. It had fainted! Cilan congratulated Roxy, who, due to her vain nature, bowed a few times and then returned to Cilan.
Cilan battled a few more Pokémon, and then eventually decided to head over to Cafe Cabin for A MooMoo Milk. As he entered the bar, he spied Faye. Ahh, Faye. If there was any a girl that you could call beautiful, Faye was certainly a contender. She had deep Brunette locks cut short, that fell like waves, and chestnut brown eyes to match. She smiled at him as he walked over to the counter. He checked his Pulse. Racing. Oh god, too late. Was he blushing? He didn’t think he was...
‘Hi, Cilan! Been out training, I see?’ She said, batting her eyelashes. Why did she have to do that? He didn’t have to worry about blushing though; the blood was running somewhere else...lower down.
‘Yeah...I mean, it was nothing really, right Roxy?’ Cilan said, imitating a deep voice, looking down at his prized Roselia. She nodded happily and then jumped up, indicating she wanted to sit on Cilans lap.
‘No, Roxy, you stay down there...’ He said, embarrassed. Roselia looked huffy for a moment, but the feeling passed. She never remained angry at him for too long.

‘Faye, baby!’ C’mere for a moment, please?’ came a gruff voice from the other end of the counter. Who was that? Oh...Chili. He must have got up early.
Chilli was Cilans brother. He was a hothead, and his Ponyta matched his personality to a T. He had fiery red hair and was always wild and adventurous, taking big risks and making bad mistakes a lot of the time. He was always the troublemaker in Class. Don’t tell me Faye was...
‘Coming, honey!’ Faye called, running over to him, forgetting about Cilan entirely. No...Why?

‘Another MooMoo Milk please, Hun.’ He said, grabbing her hand and kissing her there afterwards. Faye blushed and ran out back to fetch a bottle.
‘Jealous much?’ Chilli said, striding over to Cilan. ‘She’s my girl. Saved her from a wild Vespiquen...’ He chortled, slamming the counter. What? Totally unfair...his Ponyta had a type advantage over Vespiquen.
‘Vespiquen aren’t in the Wild. They stay at the nest! That was your friend’s Vespiquen, wasn’t it?’ A voice came from behind us. There, at the door, was Cress.

Cress was the quiet one out of the three brothers. He had a wave of Blue hair over his Pale face. He was intelligent and under spoken. He was always better than us at most things, but too calm. He was never hyper or over excited.

Chilli grinned. ‘Maybe, maybe not. I’m not saying. Ah, heres my girl now!’ He smirked, taking the MooMoo Milk from Faye’s delicate hand, swigging it down in one go.
I decided to leave. ‘Come on Roxy.’ I said, downhearted. I had to win her back somehow...but how?


‘Dad! Cilan called, as he stepped in his home.
‘What is it son? I’m watching the Pokeathlon live from Johto. I think this Dodrio really has a chance...uh-oh. You’re pulling your sad face, Cilan! What’s up?’
Cilan sighed. He didn’t really want to ask this. He didn’t think Dad knew Chili was dating Faye...

‘How did you...I mean, why did...How did you get mum to like you?’ Cilan admitted. He didn’t like it, but his Dad was actually the best person to receive advice from. His Dad sat up straight.
‘Ah, females! The finer gender! Girls! Women! Ladies! Maidens! Gods greatest...’He said, spying Cilans irritated face and trailing off his last word.
‘Seriously, Dad.’
‘So, who’s this Belle you want to impress?’ His Dad asked, smiling.
‘Faye...she works at the Cabin Cafe?’
‘Oh, Joes little girl. I see. Well, when I first spied your mother, she was so out of my league. I mean a mile and a bit. She was working part-time in a place, too. Can’t remember where, exactly. But I got myself a job there too. And first we were friends as work colleagues, and one thing led to another...’
‘You’re saying I should apply for a job at the Cabin Cafe?’
‘Yes! Of course! Treat her nicely, be her friend, help her out, and then after a few weeks, when she goes into the back to milk Bessie, go with her. And confess your attraction. Girls like a direct man.’
‘Okay! Thanks, Dad.’ Cilan said, turning to face the T.V.

‘Oh, my favourite event! Frisbee Catch!’ Cilan said, eyes glued to the screen.


Cilan got a job at the Cabin Cafe. He bought a fine silk, green bow tie. He tied it round his neck, put on the required uniform and set to work. He chatted to Faye about...everything. School, Pokémon, other things besides.
A few weeks had passed, and Faye had shown signs to Cilan that she liked him. She fiddled with her hair, smiled at him all the time, and blushed whenever they accidentally bumped into each other. Now was the time, Cilan decided.
A customer had ordered - Surprise, surprise – A MooMoo Milk, and Faye sauntered over to the Fridge, only to find there were no bottles left.

‘Oh!’ She said, turning to the customer. ‘Looks like you’re getting some fresh!’ She said, giggling, and went out back to the stables. Cilan discreetly followed after her. He ran up to her and hugged her from behind.
Faye gasped, and then realised who it was and laughed. She turned around.
‘Cilan.’ She said, politely.
‘Faye.’ He replied, smiling back at her.
They began to embrace eachother. ‘This was it!’, thought Cilan, hugging tighter, moving in, their lips a few centimetres from touching...
‘EEEEE!’ Faye screamed, pushing Cilan away and running over to Bessie.
‘What is it?’ Cilan said, peeved at the fact he hadn’t got any, but still keeping up appearances. He soon saw what it was. A box, white, with Pink Ribbon. A Label on it read,

To my sweet maiden Faye,
Open the Present and know that I love you.
Love from,
Cress.

Faye opened the present. Inside was a Pokeball. Faye giggled with excitement and turned to Cilan.

‘How sweet of him!’ Faye said, dreamily. Oh no! Cress was taking Faye away...Faye threw the Pokeball on the ground, and after a flash, a Buneary came out, looking a bit bedazzled.
‘EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!’ Faye shrieked, picking up the Buneary and squeezing it hardly. The Buneary still looked a bit dumb.
‘I will call you...Bouncy! Hee hee!’ Faye shrieked again, before spinning round with him, and calling him darling and adorable and so on. But now, Cress stepped from behind a wall. Faye spied him and ran over, hugging him tighter than she had hugged Buneary. And then, she kissed him full on, lips and all. Cilan couldn’t watch. Weeks of hard work! And Cress gets Faye!

Oh no he didn’t. One dumb Buneary couldn’t capture a girl’s heart, and by damn he’d get Faye back.

Please tell me what you think! I think my grammar needs work a little, but i don't know, so please help.

In the style of Italics, I will fix grammatical errors with red, and comments are in yellow.

Originally Posted by WeatherWitch

‘Life for us...us three, wasn’t always as great as it seems now. You may know us as Cilan, Cress and Chilli, leaders of the Striation City Gym...many have challenged us, and many have defeated us. But not many people know the real us. Who we are. Where we come from. Not many people ask us. But here, as now we are too old to continue working in the Gym, we tell our story. For your sake, as well as ours. So listen carefully...’
Spring in the Sinnoh region! So...fresh! Exciting! Always a new discovery to be made...Cilan looked out of his bedroom window, his green hair messy from where he had just woken up. He found a brush, and started to comb his hair into something more presentable.
‘Wonder what I should do today...?’ he thought, as he walked out of his room and into the bathroom. He could always stay in, he thought. Sleep. That sounded promising. But, as he looked out the window, he saw what a nice day it was. Over by the Day-care, he saw a Pachirisu already awake. It was nibbling a Chesto Berry. It seemed to smile as it ate. The sun was beaming down. Cilan looked at the clock. Oh! 8:00am...it was later than he thought it was. He began to brush his teeth rhythmically.
So the question remained. What to do...? He could level up Roxy a bit. She did need it...So it was decided. As soon as he’d had his breakfast, he’d put on a jacket, head out with Roxy and Smidgen and level them up a bit.


As Cilan stepped out his house, he released Roxy from her Pokeball. He bounced it at the ground, and after a beam of white light, her green face and blue and pink petals came into view.
‘Rosiiieee!’ she cried, nuzzling against Cilans leg.
‘Ahh, nice to see you too Roxy!’ He replied picking her up and cuddling her tightly.’ Alright, off to Route 210!’ He said to himself, and sped off towards the grass. He spied a few school friends and waved at them as he passed. He braced himself and placed himself in the tall grass. Movement was all around him, it was just a matter of finding exactly where it was...
Suddenly, a Psyduck jumped out at him. Perfect! He had the type-advantage!
‘Go! Roxy!’ he cried, as Roxy jumped into action. ‘Roxy, use Leech seed!’ he said firmly, and Roxy nodded her head. She span around as seeds came out from her petals and implanted themselves into the Psyduck. It didn’t look like it was doing anything yet, but Cilan knew how Leech seed worked. The Psyduck came back with a scratch, barely damaging Roxy. Then, all of a sudden, green light came out of the Psyduck and into Roxy, healing her wounds.
‘Yes!’ Cilan cried. He knew he had perfected the move. It was working great. He ordered Roxy to use Magical Leaf. Leaves emanated around Roxy, then homed themselves into Psyduck. The Psyduck winced, then wobbled and fell over. It had fainted! Cilan congratulated Roxy, who, due to her vain nature, bowed a few times and then returned to Cilan.
Cilan battled a few more Pokémon, and then eventually decided to head over to Cafe Cabin for A MooMoo Milk. As he entered the bar, he spied Faye. Ahh, Faye. If there was any a girl that you could call beautiful, Faye was certainly a contender. She had deep brunette locks cut short, that fell like waves, and chestnut brown eyes to match. She smiled at him as he walked over to the counter. He checked his Pulse. Racing. Oh god, too late. Was he blushing? He didn’t think he was...
‘Hi, Cilan! Been out training, I see?’ she said, batting her eyelashes. Why did she have to do that? He didn’t have to worry about blushing though; the blood was running somewhere else...lower down. *laughs*
‘Yeah...I mean, it was nothing really, right Roxy?’ Cilan said, imitating a deep voice, looking down at his prized Roselia. She nodded happily and then jumped up, indicating she wanted to sit on Cilans lap.
‘No, Roxy, you stay down there...’ he said, embarrassed. Roselia looked huffy for a moment, but the feeling passed. She never remained angry at him for too long.

‘Faye, baby!’ C’mere for a moment, please?’ came a gruff voice from the other end of the counter. Who was that? Oh...Chili. He must have got up early.
Chilli was Cilan's brother. He was a hothead, and his Ponyta matched his personality to a T. He had fiery red hair and was always wild and adventurous, taking big risks and making bad mistakes a lot of the time. He was always the troublemaker in Class. Don’t tell me Faye was...
‘Coming, honey!’ Faye called, running over to him, forgetting about Cilan entirely. No...Why?

‘Another MooMoo Milk please, Hun.’You may want to spell that with an 'O' he said, grabbing her hand and kissing her there afterwards. Faye blushed and ran out back to fetch a bottle.
‘Jealous much?’ Chilli said, striding over to Cilan. ‘She’s my girl. Saved her from a wild Vespiquen...’ he chortled, slamming the counter. What? Totally unfair...his Ponyta had a type advantage over Vespiquen.
‘Vespiquen aren’t in the Wild. They stay at the nest! That was your friend’s Vespiquen, wasn’t it?’ A voice came from behind us. There, at the door, was Cress.

Cress was the quiet one out of the three brothers. He had a wave of Blue hair over his Pale face. He was intelligent and under spoken. He was always better than us at most things, but too calm. He was never hyper or over excited.

Chilli grinned. ‘Maybe, maybe not. I’m not saying. Ah, heres my girl now!’ He smirked, taking the MooMoo Milk from Faye’s delicate hand, swigging it down in one go.
I decided to leave. ‘Come on Roxy.’ I said, downhearted. I had to win her back somehow...but how?


‘Dad! Cilan called, as he stepped in his home.
‘What is it son? I’m watching the Pokeathlon live from Johto. I think this Dodrio really has a chance...uh-oh. You’re pulling your sad face, Cilan! What’s up?’
Cilan sighed. He didn’t really want to ask this. He didn’t think Dad knew Chili was dating Faye...

‘How did you...I mean, why did...How did you get mum to like you?’ Cilan admitted. He didn’t like it, but his Dad was actually the best person to receive advice from. His Dad sat up straight.
‘Ah, females! The finer gender! Girls! Women! Ladies! Maidens! Gods greatest...’He said, spying Cilans irritated face and trailing off his last word.
‘Seriously, Dad.’
‘So, who’s this Belle you want to impress?’ His Dad asked, smiling.
‘Faye...she works at the Cabin Cafe?’
‘Oh, Joe's little girl. I see. Well, when I first spied your mother, she was so out of my league. I mean a mile and a bit. She was working part-time in a place, too. Can’t remember where, exactly. But I got myself a job there too. And first we were friends as work colleagues, and one thing led to another...’
‘You’re saying I should apply for a job at the Cabin Cafe?’
‘Yes! Of course! Treat her nicely, be her friend, help her out, and then after a few weeks, when she goes into the back to milk Bessie, go with her. And confess your attraction. Girls like a direct man.’
‘Okay! Thanks, Dad.’ Cilan said, turning to face the T.V.

‘Oh, my favourite event! Frisbee Catch!’ Cilan said, eyes glued to the screen.


Cilan got a job at the Cabin Cafe. He bought a fine silk, green bow tie. He tied it round his neck, put on the required uniform and set to work. He chatted to Faye about...everything. School, Pokémon, other things besides. Nice way to introduce the waiter we all know Cilan as today
A few weeks had passed, and Faye had shown signs to Cilan that she liked him. She fiddled with her hair, smiled at him all the time, and blushed whenever they accidentally bumped into each other. Now was the time, Cilan decided.
A customer had ordered - Surprise, surprise – A MooMoo Milk, and Faye sauntered over to the Fridge, only to find there were no bottles left.

‘Oh!’ She said, turning to the customer. ‘Looks like you’re getting some fresh!’ She said, giggling, and went out back to the stables. Cilan discreetly followed after her. He ran up to her and hugged her from behind.
Faye gasped, and then realised who it was and laughed. She turned around.
‘Cilan.’ she said, politely.
‘Faye.’ he replied, smiling back at her.
They began to embrace eachother. ‘This was it!’, thought Cilan, hugging tighter, moving in, their lips a few centimetres from touching...
‘EEEEE!’ Faye screamed, pushing Cilan away and running over to Bessie.
‘What is it?’ Cilan said, peeved at the fact he hadn’t got any, but still keeping up appearances. He soon saw what it was. A box, white, with Pink Ribbon. A Label on it read,

To my sweet maiden Faye,
Open the Present and know that I love you.
Love from,
Cress.

Faye opened the present. Inside was a Pokeball. Faye giggled with excitement and turned to Cilan.

‘How sweet of him!’ Faye said, dreamily. Oh no! Cress was taking Faye away...Faye threw the Pokeball on the ground, and after a flash, a Buneary came out, looking a bit bedazzled.
‘EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!’ Faye shrieked, picking up the Buneary and squeezing it hardly. The Buneary still looked a bit dumb.
‘I will call you...Bouncy! Hee hee!’ Faye shrieked again, before spinning round with him, and calling him darling and adorable and so on. But now, Cress stepped from behind a wall. Faye spied him and ran over, hugging him tighter than she had hugged Buneary. And then, she kissed him full on, lips and all. Cilan couldn’t watch. Weeks of hard work! And Cress gets Faye!

Oh no he didn’t. One dumb Buneary couldn’t capture a girl’s heart, and by damn he’d get Faye back.

Please tell me what you think! I think my grammar needs work a little, but i don't know, so please help.

I laughed quite a few times. It was really good. But...

~YOU SWITCHED POINT OF VIEW!!! Never, ever do that. At first, Cilan was 'he', then later Cilan was 'I'. Make it one or the other.
~Have a little sentence variety. When you talked about each of the brothers, it was always 'He was' or 'He didn't' and many others.
~Most sentences were very simple. Use commas to combine sentences so it's a little less choppy.

But besides that, I will repeat that it was very entertaining. It was extremely enjoyable to read.

I think it was a very good start. I love the emotion and realism in your dialog.

Some suggestions though: space your lines a little better to avoid being a jumble of words in the format here. It's technically not incorrect how you spaced them, but it would be easier on the readers' eyes if you double spaced.

Also, try to use more description and avoid making the sequence of events sound like a list.

Other than that, I thought it was really good. I will look forward to seeing how you do with this :)

Great job!

Originally Posted by WeatherWitch

GREETINGS, Salutations, welcome,however you want to say it, welcome to my first venture on Pokemon fanfiction!
I've written some Phoenix Wright fanfics before, but nothing too good, anyway...

This will be a series of stories about moments in the past of gym leaders, in Unova. (Each story will be split into parts A and B.) It might be far-away, such as children, or not so far away, like just a younger adult.
//Teen for swearing, MILD sexual refrences...Enjoy!!
If you'rre going to crit, constructive, please.
I start with the story of Cilan, Chili and Cress...Part A.

‘Life for us...us three, wasn’t always as great as it seems now. You may know us as Cilan, Cress and Chilli, leaders of the Striation City Gym...many have challenged us, and many have defeated us. But not many people know the real us. Who we are. Where we come from. Not many people ask us. But here, as now we are too old to continue working in the Gym, we tell our story. For your sake, as well as ours. So listen carefully...’
Spring in the Sinnoh region! So...fresh! Exciting! Always a new discovery to be made...Cilan looked out of his bedroom window, his green hair messy from where he had just woken up. He found a brush, and started to comb his hair into something more presentable.
‘Wonder what I should do today...?’ He thought, as he walked out of his room and into the bathroom. He could always stay in, he thought. Sleep. That sounded promising. But, as he looked out the window, he saw what a nice day it was. Over by the Day-care, he saw a Pachirisu already awake. It was nibbling a Chesto Berry. It seemed to smile as it ate. The sun was beaming down. Cilan looked at the clock. Oh! 8:00am...it was later than he thought it was. He began to brush his teeth rhythmically.
So the question remained. What to do...? He could level up Roxy a bit. She did need it...So it was decided. As soon as he’d had his breakfast, he’d put on a jacket, head out with Roxy and Smidgen and level them up a bit.


As Cilan stepped out his house, he released Roxy from her Pokeball. He bounced it at the ground, and after a beam of white light, her green face and blue and pink petals came into view.
‘Rosiiieee!’ She cried, nuzzling against Cilans leg.
‘Ahh, nice to see you too Roxy!’ He replied picking her up and cuddling her tightly.’ Alright, off to Route 210!’ He said to himself, and sped off towards the grass. He spied a few school friends and waved at them as he passed. He braced himself and placed himself in the tall grass. Movement was all around him, it was just a matter of finding exactly where it was...
Suddenly, a Psyduck jumped out at him. Perfect! He had the type-advantage!
‘Go! Roxy!’ He cried, as Roxy jumped into action. ‘Roxy, use Leech seed!’ He said firmly, and Roxy nodded her head. She span around as seeds came out from her petals and implanted themselves into the Psyduck. It didn’t look like it was doing anything yet, but Cilan knew how Leech seed worked. The Psyduck came back with a scratch, barely damaging Roxy. Then, all of a sudden, green light came out of the Psyduck and into Roxy, healing her wounds.
‘Yes!’ Cilan cried. He knew he had perfected the move. It was working great. He ordered Roxy to use Magical Leaf. Leaves emanated around Roxy, then homed themselves into Psyduck. The Psyduck winced, then wobbled and fell over. It had fainted! Cilan congratulated Roxy, who, due to her vain nature, bowed a few times and then returned to Cilan.
Cilan battled a few more Pokémon, and then eventually decided to head over to Cafe Cabin for A MooMoo Milk. As he entered the bar, he spied Faye. Ahh, Faye. If there was any a girl that you could call beautiful, Faye was certainly a contender. She had deep Brunette locks cut short, that fell like waves, and chestnut brown eyes to match. She smiled at him as he walked over to the counter. He checked his Pulse. Racing. Oh god, too late. Was he blushing? He didn’t think he was...
‘Hi, Cilan! Been out training, I see?’ She said, batting her eyelashes. Why did she have to do that? He didn’t have to worry about blushing though; the blood was running somewhere else...lower down.
‘Yeah...I mean, it was nothing really, right Roxy?’ Cilan said, imitating a deep voice, looking down at his prized Roselia. She nodded happily and then jumped up, indicating she wanted to sit on Cilans lap.
‘No, Roxy, you stay down there...’ He said, embarrassed. Roselia looked huffy for a moment, but the feeling passed. She never remained angry at him for too long.

‘Faye, baby!’ C’mere for a moment, please?’ came a gruff voice from the other end of the counter. Who was that? Oh...Chili. He must have got up early.
Chilli was Cilans brother. He was a hothead, and his Ponyta matched his personality to a T. He had fiery red hair and was always wild and adventurous, taking big risks and making bad mistakes a lot of the time. He was always the troublemaker in Class. Don’t tell me Faye was...
‘Coming, honey!’ Faye called, running over to him, forgetting about Cilan entirely. No...Why?

‘Another MooMoo Milk please, Hun.’ He said, grabbing her hand and kissing her there afterwards. Faye blushed and ran out back to fetch a bottle.
‘Jealous much?’ Chilli said, striding over to Cilan. ‘She’s my girl. Saved her from a wild Vespiquen...’ He chortled, slamming the counter. What? Totally unfair...his Ponyta had a type advantage over Vespiquen.
‘Vespiquen aren’t in the Wild. They stay at the nest! That was your friend’s Vespiquen, wasn’t it?’ A voice came from behind us. There, at the door, was Cress.

Cress was the quiet one out of the three brothers. He had a wave of Blue hair over his Pale face. He was intelligent and under spoken. He was always better than us at most things, but too calm. He was never hyper or over excited.

Chilli grinned. ‘Maybe, maybe not. I’m not saying. Ah, heres my girl now!’ He smirked, taking the MooMoo Milk from Faye’s delicate hand, swigging it down in one go.
I decided to leave. ‘Come on Roxy.’ I said, downhearted. I had to win her back somehow...but how?


‘Dad! Cilan called, as he stepped in his home.
‘What is it son? I’m watching the Pokeathlon live from Johto. I think this Dodrio really has a chance...uh-oh. You’re pulling your sad face, Cilan! What’s up?’
Cilan sighed. He didn’t really want to ask this. He didn’t think Dad knew Chili was dating Faye...

‘How did you...I mean, why did...How did you get mum to like you?’ Cilan admitted. He didn’t like it, but his Dad was actually the best person to receive advice from. His Dad sat up straight.
‘Ah, females! The finer gender! Girls! Women! Ladies! Maidens! Gods greatest...’He said, spying Cilans irritated face and trailing off his last word.
‘Seriously, Dad.’
‘So, who’s this Belle you want to impress?’ His Dad asked, smiling.
‘Faye...she works at the Cabin Cafe?’
‘Oh, Joes little girl. I see. Well, when I first spied your mother, she was so out of my league. I mean a mile and a bit. She was working part-time in a place, too. Can’t remember where, exactly. But I got myself a job there too. And first we were friends as work colleagues, and one thing led to another...’
‘You’re saying I should apply for a job at the Cabin Cafe?’
‘Yes! Of course! Treat her nicely, be her friend, help her out, and then after a few weeks, when she goes into the back to milk Bessie, go with her. And confess your attraction. Girls like a direct man.’
‘Okay! Thanks, Dad.’ Cilan said, turning to face the T.V.

‘Oh, my favourite event! Frisbee Catch!’ Cilan said, eyes glued to the screen.


Cilan got a job at the Cabin Cafe. He bought a fine silk, green bow tie. He tied it round his neck, put on the required uniform and set to work. He chatted to Faye about...everything. School, Pokémon, other things besides.
A few weeks had passed, and Faye had shown signs to Cilan that she liked him. She fiddled with her hair, smiled at him all the time, and blushed whenever they accidentally bumped into each other. Now was the time, Cilan decided.
A customer had ordered - Surprise, surprise – A MooMoo Milk, and Faye sauntered over to the Fridge, only to find there were no bottles left.

‘Oh!’ She said, turning to the customer. ‘Looks like you’re getting some fresh!’ She said, giggling, and went out back to the stables. Cilan discreetly followed after her. He ran up to her and hugged her from behind.
Faye gasped, and then realised who it was and laughed. She turned around.
‘Cilan.’ She said, politely.
‘Faye.’ He replied, smiling back at her.
They began to embrace eachother. ‘This was it!’, thought Cilan, hugging tighter, moving in, their lips a few centimetres from touching...
‘EEEEE!’ Faye screamed, pushing Cilan away and running over to Bessie.
‘What is it?’ Cilan said, peeved at the fact he hadn’t got any, but still keeping up appearances. He soon saw what it was. A box, white, with Pink Ribbon. A Label on it read,

To my sweet maiden Faye,
Open the Present and know that I love you.
Love from,
Cress.

Faye opened the present. Inside was a Pokeball. Faye giggled with excitement and turned to Cilan.

‘How sweet of him!’ Faye said, dreamily. Oh no! Cress was taking Faye away...Faye threw the Pokeball on the ground, and after a flash, a Buneary came out, looking a bit bedazzled.
‘EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!’ Faye shrieked, picking up the Buneary and squeezing it hardly. The Buneary still looked a bit dumb.
‘I will call you...Bouncy! Hee hee!’ Faye shrieked again, before spinning round with him, and calling him darling and adorable and so on. But now, Cress stepped from behind a wall. Faye spied him and ran over, hugging him tighter than she had hugged Buneary. And then, she kissed him full on, lips and all. Cilan couldn’t watch. Weeks of hard work! And Cress gets Faye!

Oh no he didn’t. One dumb Buneary couldn’t capture a girl’s heart, and by damn he’d get Faye back.

Please tell me what you think! I think my grammar needs work a little, but i don't know, so please help.

Your English is already fine for me. Though it needs a very little work. I like to become also a team leader someday. :D