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    Let the World Fear Us


    Let the World Fear Us is an original story set in the late 19th century of the fictitious Free Republic of Cohocton. It's a story that follows the seemingly normal and well-to-do Paciland family in their fall from grace, as they make unlikely alliances and shady back room deals to further their goals. Not motivated by noble ideals such as peace, justice, honor or the greater good, their only end game is revenge.

    Let the World Fear Us is inspired primarily by America's gangster culture during the 1920s. Elements of the Great Depression and the occupation of East and West Germany following World War II are mixed in, as well as inspiration from real world events such as the Valentine's Day Massacre and real world people like Al Capone, Bonnie and Clyde and Johnny Torrio. Other inspirations stem from movies like Road to Perdition, King of New York and Goodfellas, and even the Chris Nolan Batman trilogy. While based heavily on real life events from Earth's history, the world this story is set in isn't the same.

    Due to the genre of the story and the overall theme that will be present in it, it is being labeled mature. The story will feature intense language, detailed descriptions of illicit behavior and overall will not be something your mother would want you to read. If you are offended easily, it would probably be best to turn around now. As a general disclaimer, I do not endorse or condone any of the behavior detailed in this story. While some good can come of bad things, 'the ends justify the means' is an incredibly narrow vision on the proper way to accomplish your goals.

    Table of contents
    1. Prologue - Juliette's Diary, Winter 1872
    2. Chapter 1 - Humble Beginnings
    Last edited by AC-Prescott; 23rd February 2014 at 11:44 PM.


    Storm Island
    :: Let the World Fear Us :: Twitter :: DeviantArt

    A Lannister always pays her debts.

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    Default Re: Let the World Fear Us (non-pokemon)

    Let the World Fear Us
    Prologue: Juliette's Diary, Winter 1872


    Union City... how I both love and hate you. You're the only place I've ever known, the place I've called home my entire life. And at this rate, the only place I'll ever know. It's not a bad place to live, all things considered. There's plenty to do around here. There's museums, art galleries, culture, good food... most of the people are well-to-do, even though we're all poor as dirt.

    We all know why we're poor, too. Not through any fault of our own, but it's the corrupt fat cats in the city and national governments. Despite knowing that, nobody speaks up, nobody tries to make a difference. Can't say I blame them, though. Criticizing the government was outlawed during the Great War. That, like the prosperity and freedoms we took for granted for over a century, has faded into the wind.

    What we can't change, we live with. We make subtle differences that impact the lives of those around us. Some of the wealthier folk still understand compassion, and they've done what they can to help us. Those museums and art galleries I've mentioned certainly do. Some of them have even opened businesses that offer little to the community just to employ us and keep us off the streets. There are some people out there who still care, and there are some people out there who have undying gratitude for such opportunities. People like my father.

    My father, David... he busts his balls just to keep us alive. He works in the Beckenridge Coal Mines just out of town, six days a week. He usually puts in ten hour days and comes home black as night. Some days, however, his boss is 'generous' enough to let him work twelve hour days... He really loves it, though. He always comes home with stories and jokes that he heard from his coworkers, something he's said time and time again that he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

    You know, it never ceases to amaze me how a simple coal worker can provide for a family of five. We're not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but I've seen his coworkers, they're struggling. Maybe he's just good at managing money.

    Or maybe that's my mother, she's always been good with numbers. She's a real smart one, it seems like an awful waste for her to be just an aging housewife... alas, there's little she can really do. Us women aren't allowed to work in many jobs, and those that we can work in are usually taken by younger, more attractive girls. So she stays at home and manages things... She keeps the house nice, prepares dinner, works on the garden, and tells my brother that everything will be alright...

    Ha, my brother, Marcello. I shouldn't laugh at his misfortune, but he really has brought it on himself. Him and I don't get along well, but I don't think that's my fault. He's not much older than me, but he has quite an extensive criminal record. Minor crimes, mostly, like jaywalking, verbal threats and loitering. At least, that's all we know about, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's up to more. I don't think he's worked an honest day in his life, and nobody will hire him. Well, that's what happens when you're a small time crook. Still, he's not a complete drain on us and he helps us pay the bills every now and then.

    Then there's my other brother, Christopher. I get along much better with him. He's a bit older, a bit more wise... generous, too. He's been working at the Silken Seductress for a little over six years now. I'm not sure I agree with everything he does at that place, but I won't argue about it. He's taken charge of his life and he's moved out on his own, recently getting engaged to a lovely girl he met at his job. There's something about him that I just can't help but respect. No matter how bad things get for him, or even for all of us in the Republic, he gets back up and punches life in the face. And he does it with pride.

    Myself? I'm none of those things, really. I'm not strong willed, not a crook, not a housewife... I certainly don't work in any dreadful and dangerous mines. I'm still young, still looking to find my purpose in life. Besides helping my mother maintain our nice home, I don't do much at the moment but help my brother out at the Silken Seductress every now and then. The kinds of people I see in there, it's mind blowing. Being a burlesque house, it's not going to attract the highlights of society, but it's stunning to see people openly plot and scheme against their political rivals. Openly talk about who they've robbed, cheated or even killed.

    Despite all of that, however, I can't complain. My family is rather close knit, besides my brother and I. We've scratched out a living while a majority of our neighbors, friends and coworkers suffer. We avoid dealing with the corrupt and the criminals... well, besides my brother of course. For it all, we're left alone to our peace, to ourselves. Things will eventually change and return to the way they were before the Great War, and we'll all live better lives, but I'm not hopeful that will happen any time soon.

    ~ Diary of Juliette Paciland, Winter of 1872


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    :: Let the World Fear Us :: Twitter :: DeviantArt

    A Lannister always pays her debts.

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    Default Re: Let the World Fear Us (non-pokemon)

    Interesting. Not many Non-Pokemon stories crop up, and this one seems really interesting to me. It's not exactly something that hasn't been seen before but I'm intrigued by what you explained in the prelude and the prologue was pretty interesting and did a good job of explaining what each of the members of the family does and who they are. I don't really have much to say just yet aside from the fact that I'm really curious and looking forward to more of this story.

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    Default Re: Let the World Fear Us (non-pokemon)

    Let the World Fear Us
    Chapter 1: Humble Beginnings


    "Charge set, incoming! Clear!" shouted a voice as nearly a dozen dingy and dust covered men scrambled through the dark tunnel for safety. Before some of them had even taken cover behind the equipment they were operating, an explosive blast went off, shaking the earth and creating a large black cloud of blinding dust. As soon as the dust settled, the men set upon the loose rocks like hungry vultures, grabbing every last scrap off of the floor.

    The atmosphere was busy in the Beckenridge Coal Mines despite the work day coming to a close. The steam powered whistles that lined the tunnels blared, signaling to the workers that the day had ended, but most continued to chip away at the walls with their drills, their pickaxes and even their fingers. Rumor among those in the city was that the workers in the coal mines weren't actually human, but subdued beasts from a strange land unfamiliar with the idea of time away from work, but it was untrue. The workers put everything they had into their job to earn for their struggling families.

    "Day's over, folks! C'mon! We need to clear these tunnels for the next shift!" shouted another voice.

    "Up yours, Dave, I'm workin' however long I want!" responded another man as he feverishly smashed at the walls to knock loose the coal that he was after.

    "Fine. Keep working. But don't be surprised when Mr. Fitzpatrick doesn't pay you." the voice said as it rounded the corner. The man's face was covered in black soot, the same soot that nearly covered the light on his helmet.

    "Look at Mr. 'High and Mighty' Paciland, comin' 'round here tellin' me what t'do. Let's see you do some work around here!"

    He raised his blistered hands, showing his leather gloves that had worn away over the years to near nothing. "I do more than my fair share around here." he said. "Now look, I don't want any trouble. I'm just here to remind you..." he started, turning around to address all of the workers around him. "Remind all of you, Mr. Fitzpatrick can't afford to pay you guys overtime."

    The confrontational man raised his pickaxe and tossed it to the ground. "Ehhh..." he grumbled before walking off with no further words to add.

    Another man came up and patted David on the back as the workers began to empty the tunnels. "You're a good man. Our last foreman would beat us for that."

    He took the compliment with pride, following his fellow workers out through the twisting maze of tunnels, navigating with the aid of the railway so that he wouldn't get lost. He soon came upon the entrance, blinded by the sunlight that he hadn't seen in over five hours. He took a deep breath of the fresh winter air, coughing up a cloud of black dust. "I need a new job..." He reached down into the freshly fallen snow, grabbing a handful and rubbing it against his blackened face in an effort to clean some of the dust and grime off.

    "Hey, Dave. Git over here!" Mr. Fitzpatrick yelled.

    David dropped the dirty snow and dried his face as he timidly approached his boss, unsure if Mr. Fitzpatrick's apparent rage was real or not. "Yes, Noel?" he asked.

    "Walk with me," he replied. The two began walking along the railway that led out of the entrance to the mine shaft, away from the bustling crowd of workers who were coming out to return home. "How long have I known you, David?"

    "Since we were just boys."

    "Yes, yes..." he said. "How's the wife?"

    "Julianne has been fine, sir," he replied. He had known Noel for so long that he could tell where the conversation was going, as Noel always started asking for a personal favor of him by inquiring about how long they had known each other and how his wife is. "I think I know what you're about to ask."

    "Have I really become that predictable?" Noel responded, then laughed. "Remember last month, they found that man's body in Providence Bluffs?"

    "They find a lot of those."

    "Dan Edmonds. I'm not sure if you remember."

    David searched the depths of his memory, trying to recall who Dan Edmonds was when it clicked, remembering that he was a rising star in the field of politics. "Ah, yes. Terrible tragedy, he had so much going for him."

    "That he did, I loved that guy... He always had my back when I first took over the mine here." Noel said, then leaned in closer. "My boys found who did it."

    "Who?"

    "Gerard 'Whitey' Samolik."

    "Gerard... Samolik... It doesn't ring a bell." he replied, trying his hardest to pin a face to the name.

    "I'm not surprised. He's a small time crook, a farmer boy. Works on the old Miller farm."

    "Thomas Miller?"

    Noel nodded.

    "Did he do it himself? Or was he hired?"

    "We don't know yet... but it's been decided that he should meet with an unfortunate 'accident'."

    "By who? Me?" David asked. "Why me? I'm getting old, getting tired. I'm not as fast as I used to be... Why not get your boys to do it?"

    Noel rested his hand on David's shoulder. "I need you. I need someone with experience. Someone who won't be obvious."

    "I don't see why I should get myself involved. I'm not in the game of revenge. The last guy you sent me after had it coming for years, at least."

    "It's about more than just revenge!" Noel said. "It's about sending a message. Every time someone looking to become mayor or councilman promises to bring about change, they find themselves at the bottom of a river. So far, they haven't had anyone on their side, nobody to watch their back."

    "So by killing this hit man, we'd be sending a message to whoever wanted him dead?" he asked.

    "Precisely," he replied. "Look, it's not just me who wants this done. The Durnins are in on it, they asked me to find a capable man."

    "The Durnins..." David said in disbelief.

    "Change is coming, David. It will be a slow and painful process, but those who can make a difference are starting to become restless." He offered his hand out. "Can I count on you?"

    David thought about the offer, knowing very well the reward he'd be receiving from Noel, his wealthy benefactors and possibly even the Durnin Family. Still, he thought of his own family and of his own life, weighing what was more important to him. While he was reaching an elderly age himself, he thought of his children, and the future they no doubt had in store for them if nothing were done.

    "Look, I know you're getting old. Because of that, this will be the last 'favor' I'll ever ask of you. You'll be taken care of after that."

    After a moment of more thinking, David reached out and shook Noel's hand. "It'd be nice to return to our hometown... Haven't been there in over twenty-five years."

    "Follow me, away from... prying eyes and spies." he said as he glared suspiciously at several of the miners who had been loitering around outside of earshot.

    The two followed the muddy, snow covered valley up towards the foreman trailers and the executive office, which was little more than a run down wooden shack that looked as if it would fall over with the slightest wind. David waited patiently as Noel unlocked the surprisingly intricate set of locks that secured what appeared to be the only entrance into the office.

    Noel entered the shack, sitting down at the table. He opened the drawer next to it, shuffling through numerous scrolls, loose papers and folders. "For a start, let's figure out where we'll meet some of your future colleagues."

    David walked over to a door leading to Noel's office. "In a minute. I'm going to need to call home and tell Julianne that I'll be a bit late tonight."

    Noel nodded as he unrolled a map of the Free Republic of Cohocton across the table. He circled the location of Union City in the northeast and Providence Bluffs in the west, separated by nearly 700 miles of open prairies, ghost towns and desert badlands.

    Several minutes passed by as Noel circled more locations on the map and began to trace railroad lines before David returned. "So how'd it go?" he asked.

    "She's a bit disappointed that I'll be late for dinner, but she knows where I'll be."

    "Alright, that settles it. Let's start planning this."

    - - - - -

    Snow was gently fluttering from the sky over Union City. The day was ending for most as workers from the various shops, factories and other businesses began to flood the streets as they made their way home. Despite the cold temperatures, the people were still lively, happily chatting away as they congregated on the corners and outside of restaurants, general stores and tea shops.

    A young woman with bright reddish-orange hair pushed her way through the crowd, carrying a brown burlap bag full of fresh vegetables and fruit. She did her best to ignore the various comments directed at her by passing folk, ranging from compliments and insults based on her looks, friendly greetings, chivalrous offers of help her carry her groceries and rude remarks about her attire. She was determined to return home with the groceries before the evening started.

    As she made her way further and further away from the business district, the crowds of people began to thin. Soon, she found herself at the intersection of Union Avenue and 22nd Street, the street her family had lived on for nearly twenty-four years. The houses all looked the same, having been hastily built after a fire had destroyed half of the city nearly a century earlier, but she could easily identify which was her's by the bright red convertible that sat unused next to the garage.

    She struggled to maintain her grip on the bag as she knocked on the door. A young man in his mid twenties opened the door.

    "Hey hey, look who's home!" the young man said as he opened the door to let her in. He looked into the bag as she stepped in. "Ooh, carrots. Don't tell me mom's makin' her carrot soup tonight."

    "She might be," the young woman replied as she weaved her way through the labyrinth-like hallways towards the kitchen.

    As she entered the kitchen, a woman of about the same age greeted her. "Juliette."

    "Elaine," she replied. "Who's here?"

    "Just Chris, your mother and me," Elaine said. "I'm not sure where your other deadbeat brother is."

    "Probably rottin' in a jail cell for all we know," Chris said. "Elaine, go fetch my mom, she's gotta get started on dinner if we're gonna be on time."

    Without saying anything, Elaine nodded and left the room.

    Chris dug through the bag, categorizing the fruits and vegetables on the table. He sighed, then said, "Fuckin' Marcello. What are we gonna do about him?"

    "I've given up on helping him. I only hope that he wises up eventually."

    "Yeah... they say you shouldn't give up on family, but it really is startin' to look hopeless for him." he said. "I wish he could be an honest, hard workin' guy like dad."

    "That'll never happen, not with his attitude."

    "Stranger things have happened," he replied. He grabbed a knife and began to cut the sprouts off of the carrots. "By the way, can you get out of those pants and into a dress? I know you like to be rebellious, but you need to be on your best behavior whenever you'll be workin' with me."

    Juliette looked down at her grey, woolen tweed pants that stretched down to just above her ankles. "What's wrong with these?"

    "It's only proper that men wear those, remember."

    "It's not like it's illegal!"

    "The customers down at the Silken Seductress don't care. They don't visit to see independent, strong-willed women. They come for cheap... beverages, a loose atmosphere and scantily clad floozies."

    Juliette grumbled and shook her head as she began to leave the room. "Fine."

    "And by the way..." Chris started. "It is illegal. So be careful."

    He continued to cut the sprouts off of the carrots, carefully placing them in a glass pan that was filled with water. He placed the pan under the window, then looked out towards the city, the spires of the twin cathedrals and the National Guard armory fading off into the foggy, snowy distance. "What happened?" he mumbled to himself as he recalled memories of his youth from before the war, memories that involved lavish parades staged by the now oppressive military.

    "Still thinking about the good old days, are you?" a feminine voice said from behind.

    He jumped upon hearing the voice and turned around, then laughed. "Jeeze louise! Don't scare me like that, ma!"

    "I should say the same about you! I've watched you look out that window every time you've visited... Every time I worry a little more and more that you're going to do something stupid to try to bring those days back."

    "I doubt I will..." he said, looking down. "But I wish I could do somethin', ya know?"

    "We all do, but there's no use thinking about things we can't change." She approached the carrots and began to chop them up into thin slices. "Thanks for starting for me, by the way. Fill a pot up with water and start the stove, if you would."

    Chris did as he was asked, grabbing a pot that hung from above the stove. He filled it nearly to the top with water, then placed it onto the stove and started the blue flames on top. He smelled the faint scent of bread in the air, prompting him to open the stove in curiosity. "Bread, too? You're spoilin' us!"

    "Just like the good old days," she said with a smile. "So, is Juliette working with you and Elaine tonight?"

    "She is. Management told me that the main room in the club is being rented out to some high class guests, so he's needin' all hands on deck."

    "Has she decided if she's going to join as a performer, yet?" she asked.

    "She hasn't, but I don't think she will. She's too much of a purist for that."

    She scooped up the carrot slices and dropped them into the bubbling water. "That's my girl..."

    "As far as I know, she's probably going to stay as a waitress. She's got a good memory and good balance, suits her well." he said as he handed some celery to his mother. "I just wish she'd be a bit less uppity with the customers."

    "Yes, she does have to be careful and know when to be submissive, even if she doesn't like it." she said as she sliced the celery into the soup. "It's a shame, but that's how things work."

    Chris grumbled, not wanting to get into the debate about women's rights within the Republic, instead changing the subject. "When's dad coming home? He's usually here by now."

    "Mr. Fitzpatrick wanted to speak with him, but he didn't tell me about what," she said. "If we have to, we can start on dinner without him so you, Juliette and Elaine can get going."

    "It may come to that, I ain't gonna be late tonight."

    "Go find your sister, I'm going to need help putting the rest of these groceries away."

    "I got it," he said.

    "No, no no. Don't worry yourself about inconsequential stuff like that. I'm sure you have to prepare for tonight. Juliette's had all day to get ready."

    He threw his hands up into the air in defeat. "I'll go find her then."

    He left the kitchen, heading for the stairs that led to the second floor. Along the way, he saw the framed photographs of his family from his youth. He could hardly believe how quickly his brother and sister grew up. He remembered Juliette as a mischievous troublemaker, but knew her now as a well rounded young adult. His brother Marcello, on the other hand, changed from a timid, pudgy boy into a tough guy with a mean attitude. He shook his head as he tried to ignore his brother's new personality, arriving at the door to his sister's room. He knocked. "Hey, Juliette."

    "Yes?" her voice said from behind the door.

    "You dressed? I don't wanna walk in on anythin' I shouldn't be seein'!"

    An audible gasp could be heard from within the room. "You're so rude sometimes!"

    "Just lookin' out for my sis!" he replied.

    "Yes, I am."

    He opened the door to see her sat at her vanity desk, writing in her diary as she effortlessly applied a rosy red blush to her cheeks. Her orange hair was all tied up and wrapped around curlers, bringing an appearance of age and modesty to her normally young and casual sense of style. She was wearing a bright red blouse that was lined with white trim, over a sandy tan, shin-length skirt. She turned to look at him. "Whatcha want?" she asked.

    "Wow, you look good in that, sis," he said. "Pants look pretty bad on you compared to this... C'mon, you're so beautiful, why you gotta waste it trying to prove something to people who don't care?"

    "I don't know... I just feel like I should. Like I'm meant for something important." she replied.

    Chris walked over to Juliette's bed and sat down. "Before you get any crazy ideas in your head, sit and speak with me."

    Juliette did as she was told and next to him, ready to listen to his no doubt words of wisdom.

    "How many times have you helped me at the Silken Seductress?" he asked.

    "About a dozen, I think?" she said.

    "And of those dozen times, who would you say was our number one customer?"

    Juliette thought about it, trying to remember the faces she usually saw. "City officials... criminals... men who've escaped their wives for the night..."

    "Exactly. City officials and criminals in the same room." he said. "Now, why do you think they can share the same room like that?"

    "Maybe they just don't care."

    "No, they drink at the same bars, visit the same brothels and conspire in the same rooms because they're in bed with each other. See, they got it figured out. The officials crack down on the criminals? They buy bigger guns. The criminals start blowin' the officials away? They call in the military. But what happens when they work together?"

    "Money... power... it's much easier to control all of that when nobody else has a chance..."

    "Exactly," He placed both of his hands on her shoulders and looked her deep in the eyes, shaking her lightly. "Juliette, please. If you'll listen to anything I say tonight, let it be this. We're livin' in a dangerous time and we're losin' everything. Tryin' to prove a point is only going to end with you in a shallow grave. And it's likely to paint a target on the rest of us."

    "But there are places that I can go to talk about--"

    "No buts. In a city as corrupt and dangerous as this one is, nowhere is safe to practice your ideals." he said. "I want you to promise me that you'll drop this feminism crap, at least until things start improving... if they ever will. I care too much about you and the rest of the family to see you suffer or even get killed over something so trivial and hopeless."

    "Okay. I promise." she said.

    "Good. Anyways, get downstairs, ma needs your help with the soup."

    - - - - -

    The family was seated at the dinner table, spoons at the ready and steaming bowls of soup in front of them. At the head of the table was David, who had only just returned home, his face still darkened with a stubborn layer of coal dust. Chris was sat next to his future wife, Elaine, while Juliette and her mother sat at the far end of the table. The spot usually reserved for Marcello was empty, and nobody knew where he was or whether he'd come home that night. Before enjoying their dinner, they began the evening with a daily moment of silence and prayer, a tradition that stretched back thousands of years.

    "Dear Lord," David started. "While you have decided that misfortune should grace the world, the Republic and the people of this city, we are still grateful for what you have given to us. You've given us our lives, our health and our peace. That is more than we can ask for. Thank you."

    "Amen," the family said. They all began to dig into the stew and the freshly baked bread.

    "So, David... what did Noel want to speak with you about?" Julianne asked.

    David lowered his spoon and blankly stared at his wife, trying to quickly come up with a story. "Umm, some time off." he said. "Maybe a raise when I get back."

    "He has been working you very hard, hasn't he?"

    He nodded. "He has, I don't think I've had any time off since the last Day of Lovers' Remembrance." he said. "I think I might visit Providence Bluffs, clear my head in the countryside."

    "Yeah, you certainly could use it," Chris said. "Clear all that black dust outta your chest with some fresh air. You're a walkin' fire hazard."

    David laughed.

    "Can I come, dad?" Juliette curiously asked. "I've always wanted to see the world outside of the city."

    "I don't know about that. I need some time alone." he said. "Besides, you're too young to see the world for what it really is. Providence Bluffs was hit hard by the war, and this summer's drought... It would probably be a dangerous place... Crooks and beggars everywhere."

    Julianne tried to lighten the atmosphere by poking at her husband with the suggestion again. "Oh come now, hun, you and Juliette have always wanted to spend more time together. A relaxing trip up to your hometown is the perfect time to do that."

    "It's really important that I..." he said, looking at his wife's commanding facial expressions and his daughter's hopeful face. "Fine. But when I need my alone time, let me have it."

    "That's reasonable," Juliette said.

    He quickly tried to change the subject. "So, Elaine. I don't see you often. Does this mean Chris and Juliette are working tonight?"

    She nodded. "Big private party tonight. The mayor's supposed to be there, and I heard Marcin Waraszek will be there too."

    "The Waraszeks? Now that's definitely trouble."

    "Who are they?" His wife asked.

    "They're bad people, that's what," he started. "Marcin came from the Arish Riverland, way down south. We took the place over at the end of the war, and those Arish fella's, ooh, they didn't like it one bit. They think they're better than us. Even when the war ended, the fighting didn't. They kept trying to break away."

    "Oh, so is that what all that drama was about?"

    He nodded. "They've been enemies of the government for a few years, but eventually they came to an agreement... Now, instead of burying government officials, they're burying anyone else who gets in the way of their greed."

    "Freedom fighters turned lapdog. Yeah, reeeeaaaal superior." Chris laughed.

    He turned to Chris. "Be careful around him and do what you can to make him happy. It might save a few lives in the long run if he's had a good day."

    Chris nodded. "No problem. I've dealt with him before... As much of a worthless prick as he is, we seem to be on... alright terms." As he dipped his spoon back into his soup, a loud, metallic ringing could be heard from the grandfather clock in the other room, sounding off seven times. He looked up at the dusty clock that hung above the stove. "Shit, hope you two have had your fill, we gotta get goin' if we're gonna be on time."

    Juliette scooped one last spoonful of soup into her mouth and pushed her bowl forward. "I'm ready." she said as Elaine nodded.

    "Good. Let's go." he replied. He stood up and walked over to his mother, bending over and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Juliette will be back around midnight, probably."

    "Stay safe, you know how dangerous the roads get when it snows," she replied, patting him on the back.

    "Winter's just started, ma, the roads aren't even bad yet. Don't worry." he said. "C'mon, girls. We got people to wow."

    Julianne watched as her children and Elaine left the kitchen, then studied her husband, who was quietly enjoying his soup. She noticed something strange about him, as if he was troubled by something. "You seem like you have something on your mind. What is it?"

    "Huh?" he asked, genuinely not paying attention to her. "Oh, uh... just a tough day at work, the other guys were getting in trouble. Don't worry about it."

    "Worrying is all I can do anymore. It seems that we all have problems out of our control... I just hope it doesn't affect the kids too much."

    He pensively thought about what his boss asked him to do and how that might affect his family. "Yeah. Me too."


    Storm Island
    :: Let the World Fear Us :: Twitter :: DeviantArt

    A Lannister always pays her debts.

  5. #5
    It wasn't much! Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Let the World Fear Us (non-pokemon)

    I thought it was a very interesting start for a story, it was simple but at the same time I think it did a good job of introducing their characters, personalities and their relation with one another. One thing I enjoyed was the dialogue though, the dialogue is flowing and is very easy to get into, there isn't much description in regards to what the characters do while they talk but I think that actually helps one's mind in making their own conclusions and imagine things by themselves.

    Even though it's the first chapter there are already a lot of things that intrigue me about the story and the characters and what will happen wit them. I also enjoy the setting you've created, I would love to see more in regards to this since I personally love your description of the setting...it's inspiring since describing settings is something I have a lot of trouble with xD

    I for one related a lot to the characters here since the country I live in is going through similar troubles of sorts, not as bad but it's enough for me to understand what the characters maybe feeling in the situation they're in.

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