- Legendary Heroes - My First FanFic

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Thread: - Legendary Heroes - My First FanFic

  1. #1
    AshEmi Forever <3 Princess Ketchum's Avatar
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    Default - Legendary Heroes - My First FanFic

    Alright everyone this is my first FanFic Ive wrote ^__^ so i hope its ok and Thanks Katsu for a little bit of help =D Hope yoy enjoy!



    ~ Legendary Heroes ~

    Part 1

    Characters -

    Ash ketchum - Himself

    Emiline - Palletown - Kanto

    Erica - Celedon City - Kanto

    Sammey - Littleroot town - hoeen

    Dawn

    Brock

    Pokemon Hunter J

    Team Rocket
    ___________________________________

    Pokemon Diamond And Pearl

    'How bout meeting Ketchum'
    -------------

    The region of Sinnoh is full of numerous mysteries and surprises that no one
    has fully discovered the places within it. There may be hidden caves, cities, and such that have been camaflogue
    throughtout the centuries. Today marks a special day for three incredible trainers, Emiline, Erica, and Sammey.

    For these three trainers, their journey had only began to flourish as they've traveled far and wide through
    Kanto, Johto, and Hoenn to compete and gym battles and contests.

    So now awaits the arrival of a special young man for special girls in Sinnoh.

    The journey of their lives begins

    --------------------------

    The wind blew softly throughout the land as the piggy's chirped in melody. The three girls walked along the road to Orgeburgh city,
    where Emiline and Erica will battle for their first badge, whereas after that, it will be Sammey's first contest in Jublife City. ( c)


    The girls chatted away without a care in the world who hears their conversation,
    which was the trainer that Emiline and Erica admired the most, Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town.



    "Man I can't believe we're going to Orgeburgh Gym!" Erica squealed in delight as she thought of how Ash battle and creamed Roark
    ' in the very gym they were setting their sites on. "Maybe..Ash accidently left something there

    The female eye's sparkled in delight as her shoulder-length black hair blew in the wind as she twirled around, but bumped into a tree.

    The two girls laug hed as the young trainer quickly stood up with a sheepish grin on her face.

    "Anyways, Erica ya know Ashy-bow is hot right

    Emiline asked as the said girl nodded repetitively. She was a female with shoulder-length dark brown hair with blonde highlights.

    "Well yeah, of course! He's just way too hot for his own good." Erica laughed as she poked Emiline for asking such a question as they chucked.

    Sammey, the Long Blonde haired girl, sweatdropped at the two. "Right..though I think Drew is sooo much hotter."

    Emiline asked as the said girl n odded repetitively. She was a female with shoulder-length dark brown hair with blonde highlights.


    The Drew-lover gulped and ran as fast as she could with the murderous Ash-lover duo on her tail.
    Though without focusing on what was in front of them, the three bumped into three other trainers. "Ow, my head." Emiline winced as she touched her head.

    "Ditto, no pun included." Erica spoke with a la ugh. "Man, I wish we never chased Sammey.


    Footsteps approached the hurt three and stopped within a few feet of them. "Um, are you guys okay?"
    A familiar voice rang in their ears, yet they couldn't figure out who it was.

    "Yeah, we're fine." Emiline and Erica spoke in unison as they looked up
    and saw a young man with a Pikachu on his shoulder. Their eyes grew in size as the realized who ask that very question.

    The two ran up to Ash with a great big glomp as they asked various questions in a speedy rate that no man could comprehend.

    Once again, Sammey sweatdropped. "Oh great, they're out of control." The female grabbed both of
    them by the shoulders and apologized to the trio. "Sorry about that, my friends are rabid fans of you Ash Ketchum, sir."

    The said trainer chuckled. "That's the first time I've met rabid fans for me instead of Drew." Ash commented as he
    looked at the two girls who longed to touch him once again. "Oh! By the way, what are your names?"

    The trainer grinned which made the Emiline and Erica squeal once more.

    Sammey sighed

    "My name's Sammey, I'm from Littleroot town in Hoenn. These two, are Emiline from Pallet Town and erica from Celedon City."

    Before they could continue their greetings and introductions, the land suddenly disappeared and the trainers fell upon their impending doom

    What the hell! Shouted Ash

    Hahahah, a Loud voice came from the top, oh great Signed Emiline,Erica and Ash, guess who it is

    ''Hhahaha Perpair for Trouble,'' and Make it Double shouted Team rocked

    ''Grrrrrrrrrr Team Rocket Be Quiet your motto is so annoying'' * As Emiline shout loud as she could

    ''Wow'' said Ash staring at Emiline

    ''alright team rocket leave ash alone!'' As Emiline , Erica and Sammey Stand in front to protect him

    ''Do we really think twerps like you will beat us? said Team Rocket

    Yeah we do ! ok lets go Guys!

    ''Don't worry ash we will protect you '' Said Emiline

    ''Oh Ok'' Blused Ash

    James, lets beat this little twerp! Go Dustox ''Posion Sting!''

    Alright, '' Go Turtwig' ' said Emiline Come on out and help us

    Ok you come out to ! Go ' Swellow ' Said Erica As she threw the pokeball

    Katsu , Come on Sammey You call out your Pokemon!

    Right! Hun ok Let's Go Roselia! Hit the Stage shouted Sammey

    Altogether! Screamd Emiline Katsu and Sammey

    Turtwig Use Razor Leaf,Shouted Emiline, Swellow use Aerial Ace commanded Erica and Roselia Darling use Solarbeam as Sammey Twirled!

    Then As one Turtwig,Swellow and Roselia's attack joined as one and hit arbok with a huge ban and smoke was everywhere

    ''Emiline help get everyone out'' Shouted Ash

    Alright sure, As Emiline helped Erica Sammey and Dawn out to climb out the hole, Brock notice something Bad

    Pikachu was gone!! without realising they had stolen pikachu whilest the smoke was everywhere


    ''grrrrrrrrrrrr'' Team ROCKET! They Stole Pikachu Said Ash

    We should spilt up and look said Dawn * as she was sorting her hat into place

    ok listen said Brock, Emiline,Erica go with Ash and Sammey come with me and Dawn

    Right! Ok Said Emiline,Erica and Sammey, Listen Sammey take care ok, as Emiline and Erica wave her off

    Right Ashy boy, as Emiline and Erica go Crazy, Lets go find Pikachu!


    Now as Ash,Emiline,Erica and Sammey,Dawn and Brock start there journey to find Pikachu who knows what will happen
    Found it in Chapter 2 - Enter Pokemon Hunter J


    Chapter 2 will start tonight and be up by friday!

    ~~~~~ Emiline ~~~~~ Princess Ketchum


    Last edited by Princess Ketchum; 24th July 2007 at 01:51 PM.

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  2. #2
    Its good to be back. Wolvorn's Avatar
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    Overall this is good stuff. But there are some plot holes. How do the girls know team Rocket as well as Ash? Why didn't Ash introduce his friends? And why does Ash not help in the battle? I can see him feeling somewhat shy but he should retain his personality. But other than that and some spelling errors and a couple of potential future errors. This is good if not great.

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  3. #3
    LA, LA, LA, IERUKANA! Bluntasaur's Avatar
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    Well, the story looks like it might have potential, but it's put together sloppily.

    Work on your grammar, structure, and story flow. You fic will be a lot better off for it.

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  4. #4
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    Gr8 Emi! A lil' spelling mistakes but thats ok! How do Emiline, Sammey and Erica know Tean Rocket?

  5. #5
    Unbeatable Ketchum, Ash's Avatar
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    I needed to read it for 2 times but I liked it. I think I should work on my own fanfic. Sorry you, it´s in German (what I can do much better then english).

    You met my bother^^. Yeah, in my fanfic I made him to my brother! Maybe I get a role as guest. What do you think? In the sinnoh season I wasn´t traveling at first with Ash. I helped some guys with their soccer (^.^)
    But here I would like only some guest roles. It doesn´t has to be a long time. Just introducing and then leaving.

    Would you? If not it´s okay. I just had you some idea.

  6. #6
    Registered User Zakirgowani's Avatar
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    I really don't like that..

  7. #7
    Henshin! Kamen_Fanatic's Avatar
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    I agree with Bluntasaur here. When did Brock and Dawn came in?

  8. #8
    Java Girl Barb's Avatar Retired Staff
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    I'd love to give this a good review, but I can't. Your grammar and punctuation are terrible and there's little (if any) character development. If all you're doing is writing a Mary Sue that describes your infatuation with the character of Ash Ketchum, then you've succeeded but I lost interest after the first couple of lines.

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