Thread: The Legend of Spiritomb

Please DON'T read the spoilers until post 22. I've rewritten all of it.


This is purely my creation. It contains shippings. It starts off with Pokeshipping, and eventually adds Dewshipping(Latios and Bianca). Please give constuctive criticism if that is your wish. I'll probably rate this 11+, for slightly more mature people, because 3 or 4 chapters go off-topic, and do almost nothing to the story. Diamond and Pearl are based off (you guessed it) Diamond and Pearl of the Pokemon Adventures manga
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AN: Hi. This is my story. It is based when Ash leaves Unova and goes home to Kanto, only to find old friends, rivals, and even an old girlfriend!
Lucas is 14, Dawn, Michael and Ash are 13 and Misty is 15. Jok is 11. Diamond and Pearl (you'll meet them later) are almost 14.

The Legend of Spiritomb
Introduction
A long time ago, where Mt. Coronet now stands, Arceus created the world, and the Foundation of the elements. Water in water, Ground in earth, Rock in stone, Grass in plants, and Steel in metal.
However, one element was different. Dark did not have a foundation. It could run wild! Arceus decided to create 3 helpers. Dialga, Palkia and Giratina came into being. They were charged with creating the foundation of Ghost and Dark types. However, the only way to do that was with a Pokémon! Arceus told the three to build a Pokémon that could be the foundation of Dark. After months of hard work, Spiritomb came into being! Giratina, who was quite childish in the early days, sneaked into the room with Spiritomb. He touched its core and was given the Ghost type. Dialga and Palkia were furious! They forced their way into Giratina's home and cast a spell on it so he was banished into a different world. When Arceus came to give them Orbs as a reward, Giratina was nowhere to be found! Arceus was heartbroken when it was told that Giratina was killed when an attempt to build Spiritomb failed and exploded. Arceus built a Hallowed Tower in Sinnoh for Spiritomb and created Pokémon and humans of all types before it locked itself away in a hidden place and built the Azure Flute if it was ever needed again. Dialga, now in the possession of the Adamant Orb, hid in Spear Pillar with Palkia, the owner of the Lustrous Orb. To this day Spear Pillar remains a sacred place.

CHAPTER 1
October 30
The Sinnoh Pokémon League chamber 5

"Do you think she has spotted us?"
"Rai! Raichu." Raichu shook its head.
"Thunderbolt Now!"
"Rai-CHU!!!!!" it let out the powerful electric attack.
"Great work Raichu!" Lucas exclaimed.
"Whoa, what a shock! Spiritomb is unable to battle. Raichu wins!" the conductor exclaimed.
"Yeah yeah, so what. Spiritomb return, Milotic GO!!!" Cynthia shouted.
"Raichu, Raindance, now!" Lucas asked in a commanding voice.
Raichu started dancing, and rain came down.
"Raichu, hold this as well!" Lucas threw a Damp Rock.
"Milotic, Double-Edge!" Cynthia shouted.
"THUNDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lucas roared as Raichu let loose one of the most powerful electric attacks in history!
"Milotic, Protect!" The 2 million volt electric attack bounced off Milotic.
"Now for Icy Death!"
"NOOO!!!!!" Lucas collapsed on the floor as Raichu fainted.
"Is this over or not?"
"Not Likely!"
“Your last Pokémon, please?"
"Blaziken, you’re in charge!"
"Fire vs. Water? You're 3 times the idiot I expected!
"Shock Wave now!"
What!? You can't be serious! Icy Death again!"
"BLAZIKEN!!! NO!!!!!!" Lucas cried out in pain as his last Pokémon fainted.

Lucas rushed to the nearest Pokémon Center......

A week later...
"So, did Cynthia really beat you?" asked a curious trainer named Jok Ketchum.
"Yeah."
"Did you hear that a kid called Michael became champion a few days ago?"
"What!? Not again!" Lucas was upset.
Just then, Dawn came through the door into the Pokémon Center.
"Hi Lucas! Isn't Michael awesome! He finally found out I liked him!"
"Smoochie-smoochie!" Lucas said cheekily.
"Okay, there was a little bit of tha-!? Not the point! Anyway, I found a flute up on Spear Pillar. I took it to the elder of Celestic Town and she said it was the Azure Flute. Michael and I are going to Spear Pillar again to try to find anything else. Are you coming?"
"I'll come." Lucas said.
"What about me?" Jok asked.
"Sure!" Dawn said.
The 3 teenagers and the 11 year old Jok set off.

I'll add more chapters soon!

jok or joke? har har har sorry

Poked in on this one cause I like to walk in on fics just as they're getting started.

My main recommendation would be to space the lines of text just so it doesn't look like a big wall, it can be really intimidating and lose you readers from the outset.

Another technical thing is that generally when writing prose, actually writing out the word of a number is preferred to using its arabic numeral for amounts under one hundred.

That aside, your explanation of Spiritomb's creation was interesting and I'll be waiting to see how it plays into the action now taking place in the present.

It's Jok. I didn't see that joke coming.
Thanks for the feed back, SuperTrainStationH. I kind of got the idea from the fact that the Pokedex states that they were both banished for 'crimes'. I thought that maybe they were connected.
On to the next chapter!

CHAPTER 2

November 12
Mt. Coronet, 1500 meters

"Up here! Spear Pillar!"
"We made it!"
"I'm tired."
"Stop complaining, Jok, we're here!"
"YAY!!!!!" Jok said.
"..."
"What's the problem, Lucas?" Michael asked.
"... You’re Champ, and I was trying for years!"
"... How about I make it up to you? A battle?"
"...Okay. A double battle?" Lucas replied.
"Great!"
"Now?"
"Now!"
"You're on!" Lucas said.

"Staraptor, I choose you!" Michael threw an Ultra Ball.
"Go Raichu, then!" Lucas shouted.
"Uh, oh. Staraptor, return, Caddy, GO!" Michael said, throwing a ball containing his starting Pokémon.
"A Torterra named Caddy!?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Blaziken You're next!" Lucas said, throwing out a second pokémon.
"Two on one isn't fair!" Michael said.
"Bring out another then! Double battle, remember?" Lucas said.
"I'll help him!" Dawn said.
"No, this is between Lucas and me!" Michael said.
"Zapkannon, Help out Caddy here!" Michael threw a Luxury Ball containing a powerful Electric Type.
"An Electabuzz named Zapkannon!?!?"

"Cynthia!?" Jok asked.
"Huh, what? Oh, you again." Lucas sighed.
"Call off that Blaziken! CADDY!!!!!" Michael shouted.
"Return!" Lucas called back Blaziken.
Lucas fainted.
"Lucas is unable to battle. Michael wins!" Dawn acted like a conductor.
"Who won?" Jok asked.
"Uh, no-one that I know of," Michael said, giving ‘The Glance’ at Dawn.

Cynthia was searching around for clues to something.
"What's up, Cynthia?" Michael asked her.
"Spiritomb flew up here yesterday, and now I can't find it!" Cynthia continued, "Have you seen Diamond and Pearl around? They said they’d meet me up here."
"No," the four kids replied.
"!"
"Do you hear that!? Diamond, Pearl, come here now!" Cynthia was annoyed now.
"Aww. Hey Cynthia, did you see the Pokémon we caught?" Diamond and Pearl asked.
"No, what?" She asked.
"Dialga, go!"
"Palkia, I choose you!"
Cynthia gasped. "Dialga and Palkia, the keepers of time and space!?" Cynthia was very worried, as they were always meant to be wild. "That’s why Spiritomb came up here!"
"Bad, bad, bad, bad! Now all three are captured!" Michael exclaimed.
"G-G-Giratina? Oh, NO!!!!" Cynthia was mortified.
"We need Arceus!" Dawn said.
"The flute was meant for something, maybe which is there to contact it!"

Dawn played the Azure Flute.........

Nice start! I like the idea.

One suggestion though, would be to add more description to the dialog. Right now, your story is 90% back and forth dialog. Maybe add some imagery for the reader to better picture what is happening in your story. How are they feeling as the story goes? What is going on around them?

If you add some more meat to the story's bones, I think this will be really good!

Keep up the good work.

and suddenly the stair case appeared that lead to arceus and lucas caught it (spoiler alert)
who caught girratina?

This seems a little suspicious.

They've just agreed to climb an enormous mountain of "unimaginable scale". They should probably act a little more like teenagers; adolescent, to be exact. I'm a teenage guy and I wouldn't have just agreed to go hiking 1500 metres.

You should double space the dialogue as well.

There is too much speech and too little narrative/description, to echo what Legacy said.

"!" is not speech and I don't think that should be there. Again, description could have fared well here.

Ch.2 ended a little anticlimactically.

Dawn played the Azure Flute.........

a) Too many ellipses;
b) No description;
c) You should have probably continued on to say something else. Simply "Dawn played the Azure Flute..." isn't enough to end a chapter on.
d) I think you introduced Arceus WAY too early. Most people don't even physically show, in some cases don't even mention, Arceus in their fics.

Both chapters didn't flow smoothly. It all felt hasty and rushed. Always take your time on these kinds of things.

"G-G-Giratina? Oh, NO!!!!" Cynthia was mortified.

"Mortified" means highly embarrassed. Not terrified, like Cynthia sounds.

Your battles are too fast that I can't keep up with them and reading this fic becomes a challenge. Reading should never be difficult. Your spelling is fine; but that's not the factor that defines a fic "good".

Just out of interest, what're your favourite books?

Michael and Cynthia share Giratina, as Michael is based off the D/P/Pt male player charicter.
BTW, Cynthia is embarrassed. She helped capture it.
I am going to post the next chapter. Thanks for the feedback. This one is kind of short, so I'll put a longer one on next.

CHAPTER 3
November 12, 10 seconds after
Spear Pillar

A huge stairway built itself into the sky!
"Whoa!" Lucas was unbalanced by strange rumbling. "That was huge!"
"Here we-" Dawn was interrupted by Michael putting his hand on her shoulder.
"No. not yet," Michael cautioned. "There could be something up there. I'll send Staraptor up first."
"No! It is too risky! It could get hurt!" Lucas exclaimed.
Michael agreed. "I guess you're right. They are our friends, so I'll go up with it."
"... I'll come as well," Lucas mumbled, "even if it is just to save your neck."
"I heard that!"
"Good for you..."Lucas reached into his bag and retrieved a Great Ball. “Pidgeot, Go!” he shouted, throwing the Ball.

"I bet Staraptor could beat a Pidgeot any day! Go!"
"Boys and their birds," Dawn sighed as the pair flew up the stairwell.

* * * * * *

'Incoming!'
'Mayday!"
"Lookout!!"
"Lucas?" Dawn asked.
"Michael!" Cynthia exclaimed.
"Arceus was up there! It threw us down before going down itself!" Lucas explained.

"Where is it then?" Cynthia asked.
"It vanished on the way down!" Lucas exclaimed.
"........ It is not in Sinnoh anymore! We must head to Kanto!" Cynthia suddenly said.

"Hey, Isn't Ash Ketchum in Kanto at the moment?" Jok asked.
"I'll go then, totally!" Dawn said.
"I'll tag along, cos' you can't leave me behind!" Michael said.
"... I'll come,” Lucas said, realizing he will probably see his rival again.
"The S.S. Anne is leaving here soon for Kanto! We’ll start there!" Lucas looked at a ship timetable he had brought up to Spear Pillar with him. (He always has the right items at the right time somehow) “Next stop, Kanto!”

Originally Posted by mrt98

Michael and Cynthia share Giratina, as Michael is based off the D/P/Pt male player charicter.
BTW, Cynthia is embarrassed. She helped capture it.
I am going to post the next chapter. Thanks for the feedback. This one is kind of short, so I'll put a longer one on next.

CHAPTER 3
November 12, 10 seconds after
Spear Pillar

A huge stairway built itself into the sky!
"Whoa!" Lucas was unbalanced by strange rumbling. "That was huge!"
"Here we-" Dawn was interrupted by Michael putting his hand on her shoulder.
"No. not yet," Michael cautioned. "There could be something up there. I'll send Staraptor up first."
"No! It is too risky! It could get hurt!" Lucas exclaimed.
Michael agreed. "I guess you're right. They are our friends, so I'll go up with it."
"... I'll come as well," Lucas mumbled, "even if it is just to save your neck."
"I heard that!"
"Good for you..."Lucas reached into his bag and retrieved a Great Ball. “Pidgeot, Go!” he shouted, throwing the Ball.

"I bet Staraptor could beat a Pidgeot any day! Go!"
"Boys and their birds," Dawn sighed as the pair flew up the stairwell.

* * * * * *

'Incoming!'
'Mayday!"
"Lookout!!"
"Lucas?" Dawn asked.
"Michael!" Cynthia exclaimed.
"Arceus was up there! It threw us down before going down itself!" Lucas explained.

"Where is it then?" Cynthia asked.
"It vanished on the way down!" Lucas exclaimed.
"........ It is not in Sinnoh anymore! We must head to Kanto!" Cynthia suddenly said.

"Hey, Isn't Ash Ketchum in Kanto at the moment?" Jok asked.
"I'll go then, totally!" Dawn said.
"I'll tag along, cos' you can't leave me behind!" Michael said.
"... I'll come,” Lucas said, realizing he will probably see his rival again.
"The S.S. Anne is leaving here soon for Kanto! We’ll start there!" Lucas looked at a ship timetable he had brought up to Spear Pillar with him. (He always has the right items at the right time somehow) “Next stop, Kanto!”

oooh a twist is ash gonna use aura huh huh?
okay with my personal opinion out of the way who is lucas based off then if micheal is based off the D/P/Pt hero?
AURA

Lucas is my own creation. He has his own personality, and his outfit is based off the RSE male player charicter, however, he has the same style and colour hair as the DPPt player charicter.
Here is the next two chapters as one, for their shortness.

CHAPTER 4
22 December
Vermillion City

The seven Pokémon trainers had finally arrived in Kanto two days before the Pokémon Festival in Kanto.
"Wow, It's Kanto!" Lucas and Dawn said at the same time. (Did I mention they are brother and sister? Btw, I’m the Storyteller. You will hear me directly from time to time.)
"Home!" Jok was awestruck.
"Hello, Lt. Surge! Good to see you again!" Cynthia said to her old friend.
Lt. Surge was surprised to see Jok and Cynthia in Kanto. "Whoa, next time give me a call so I can book a hotel!"
"Actually, we're moving to Cinnabar Island ASAP. Got a way to get us over there?" Cynthia asked.
"Well, of course! We can go within the hour, if you want!" Lt. Surge said.
"We leave immediately," Cynthia said sternly.

"Hello?" A voice said from far off.
"Is Ash there?" It continued.
"Are you looking for Ash Ketchum?" Dawn asked.
"Uh, yeah. You know him?" Misty asked.
"Yeah. He traveled Sinnoh with me."
"You mean he didn’t ask me to go with him!?"
"Um, who are you?"
"I AM MISTY, THE GIRL WHO ALMOST ASKED HIM OUT! Darn it, now all Vermillion knows."
"You, with Ash! In your dreams!" Dawn said.
"Y-y-y-you think I’m not good enough for him?"
"I-I-I-I didn’t say that, did I?"
"Yes." Misty was SO upset now she could have sent a Pokémon flying at Dawn's face, but she somehow hid it.

Then, another voice appeared from the crowd. "Jok, is that you? Dawn! MISTY!" Ash gave Jok a big hug, and gave a hi-five to Dawn. Then he turned to Misty. "Uh, was that you shouting that?" he asked.
"Uh........... Yeah." Before Ash could react, he was being hugged to death.
"Grumple, I'm being hugged to death and my mom isn’t doing it!"


* * * * *

Pallet Town
Ash's backyard

Cynthia, Jok, Diamond and Pearl had left for Cinnabar, while the rest of the group came to Pallet Town to see Ash's mother.
"Hey, Dawn, wanna see my new team?" Ash asked after finally being released from Misty's grip.
"Battle me and she'll see you go down!" Lucas exclaimed.
"You're on!" Ash pulled out a Poké Ball. "Go, Pikachu!"
"What? You keep it in there now?" Dawn was amazed.
"Traveling Unova does that to you," Ash said.

"See how long that lasts against this! Go, Dugtrio!" Lucas threw his Poké Ball.
Ash pulled a face. "Uh, oh," he whispered. "Volt Tackle!!" The little rodent Thunderbolted itself and Tackled Dugtrio.
"What the....." Lucas was amazed that his plan was working. "Watch out, it does serious damage to the user! Earthquake while it's stunned!"
"Aw, Pikachu!" The little rodent fainted.
"Go, Dugtrio! Yes!" Lucas somehow hugged the worms.

“Fight this, then!" Ash threw an Ultra Ball containing a Snorlax.
*SNORE*
"Wake up, Snorlax!" Ash shouted.
"Fissure!!" Lucas told Dugtrio, who happily obliged.
"BOOM!!!!" the ground opened and Snorlax fell in.
"Snorlax! What have you done!!?" Ash was furious.
"I-I didn't do it! It’s too deep even for Dugtrio!" Lucas was shivering, though it was 30 degrees Celsius.
A huge figure appeared from the crack. It was holding Snorlax!
"He's right. I did it," the figure said.

CHAPTER 5
Pallet Town
Ketchum Backyard


"Arceus!? Why?" Dawn asked.
"I did what I must," Arceus stated simply.
"Can we finish our battle?" Lucas asked.
"Fine," Arceus sighed. "This Snorlax is out though."
"It was anyway," Ash said.
“I have no use being here.” Arceus told them as it healed up the hole and flew away.
"Very well, it shall continue!" Dawn said.

"Charizard, go!" Ash shouted as he threw another Poké Ball.
"Come back, Dugtrio, Go Raichu!" Lucas withdrew Dugtrio because he knew it couldn't win.
"Zap-beam?" Lucas asked his friend, who charged up.
"Oh, no! Fly, Charizard!" Ash shouted.
"Zap-beam has doubled the accuracy when the opponent uses Fly!" Lucas told Ash.
Raichu let out a quick blast of electricity at Charizard, who instantly fainted.

*Ding* “Zap-beam. A two turn attack. On the second turn, it releases a powerful blast that if it hits, automatically knocks out the target. Zap-beam has more than twice the accuracy if the foe uses Dive or Fly," Dexter stated.
"... Fine. Return, Charizard, go Venusaur!" Ash withdrew Charizard and threw a Poké Ball. A huge creature appeared.
“Come back, Raichu!” Lucas withdrew Raichu and reached for another Poké Ball. “Go!” Lucas threw the Ball.

“Blaziken!” Ash flinched.
“Blaze Kick,” Lucas said.
Blaziken charged up with fire and sent a flying kick at Venusaur.
“... Hyper Beam.” Ash told Venusaur.
Lucas cringed. “Dig!” But it was too late.
Twump! The powerful attack slammed into Blaziken and knocked it out.
“Come back Blaziken.” Lucas withdrew Blaziken. “Go Pidgeot!” Lucas threw another Ball.

“Brave Bird, Pidgeot!” Lucas shouted.
“Avoid it!” Ash said.
Surprisingly, Venusaur managed to avoid it.
"Wow, its fast. Aerial Ace!" Lucas said.
"Frenzy Plant now!" Ash knew this was it. His trump card.
"Pidgeot! NO!!" Lucas collapsed, but Dawn caught him.
"Are you okay?" She asked her brother.

"No...” He mumbled. "... I choose you!" Lucas shouted finally, choosing a final Pokémon.
"Dug-Dugtrio," it said.
"Fissure!" Lucas shouted.
"Dig!" Ash told Venusaur.
BOOM!!! Fissure hit with a bang.
"You win, Lucas," Ash said, returning Venusaur.
"For once." Lucas wasn't even slightly celebrating.
Misty walked up to Ash and whispered something in his ear.
"Ok, I'll think about it," Ash mumbled back.

okay finally! another chapter and since when did ash's bulbasaur change it's mind and want to evolve? pikachu in a pokeball where did you get that logic? Ash never loses a battle on purpose just so know (in case you skip every battle he ever made) [except for a very good reason) and by new team was that sarcasm, 'cause he came back from unvoa shouldn't at least one unvoa pokemon be there? and where on earth did arceus come from? and what does it mean did what it must? but i digress this is still a; you did watch at least 1 season from the anime, i know beating lvl100 ledgenderys is hard but honestly! anyway i digress this is still a good story, and how do ash and jok know each other? any way these are just bumps in the road to a perfect story,

Didn't you read the first chapter? Jok's last name is Ketchum! Ash does occasionally lose, but he always makes up an excuse for it. Ash does not yet know the meaning of sarcasm, thats why it's funny. Just about everything else, will be revealed... On to the next chapter!(this is where it becomes 11+, because not many people under that age would know what is going on.)

CHAPTER 6
2 February
Viridian City
Disco Hall
Evening

"This was a good idea, Misty, but why?" Ash asked.
"Um, I just thought, uh, maybe we should celebrate the fact that we're all here in Kanto." Sweat bubbles were running down the back of her head. "Um, Michael and Dawn seem to be enjoying themselves."
Dawn was resting on Michael's shoulder while the pair was eating some ice-cream.
"Um, why don’t we do that?" Misty asked Ash.
"What, eat ice-cream? Cool!" Ash said.
Misty murmured to herself, "Why me? Why this idiot?" Then she leaned toward Ash and.....

"You know where this is headed, don't you?"
"Yike! Who said that!?" Misty cried out before falling into Ash's lap as he reached forward for some ice-cream, grabbing two bowls.
"Oh, hi Misty," Ash said before realizing what Misty was about to do. "???... Misty? Were you going to....? Kiss me!?" Ash asked as he realized what had happened.
Dawn and Michael were staring at them now. In fact, almost everyone was. Including Lucas, whose jaw had dropped.
"Did. You. Just. Kiss?" he stammered and staggered backward into the wall behind him.

"Lucas!" Dawn cried out and caught her brother, who was for some reason crying. Imagine that. A 14 year old crying!
"Um, Misty, we need to talk out on the veranda. Now," Dawn stated.
"Okay," Misty replied. The two walked out.


* * * * *


"Misty, I think Lucas likes you. A lot," Dawn stated blankly.
"Oh, my! I must have really hurt his feelings doing that." Misty was sympathetic.
"My guess is he didn't have the guts to tell you and you say no and he gets heartbroken," Dawn said.
"... I'll go talk to him," Misty said.


Pallet Town
3 February
Early morning
"Lucas?" Misty asked.
"Go away, Misty. I hate you."
"Lucas, it was an accident."
"Go AWAY Misty!"
Misty sighed. "Just a minute?"
"Whatever." Lucas pride broke.
"Look, I'm sorry. It wasn't my fault. Someone shoved me." 'Mentally, anyway,' she thought.

Lucas finally broke even further and turned around and hugged Misty. "I don't hate you," he mumbled.
"I know how you feel about me..." Misty soaked in the scene.
The pair were sitting on Lucas' bed in his room. Lucas was sitting on his bed, looking like he didn't get any sleep. Misty was sitting on the bed, facing away from Lucas. Being hugged. By Lucas. Without Ash nearby.
Misty turned around and hugged Lucas back. It was almost a romantic scene. The kind that could only be spoiled by...

"O. M. G," Michael said.
The pair broke apart instantly.
"Uh, we were just talking! Nothing to see here!" Misty realized that she had left the door open.
Suddenly, it got even worse. "Hi Michael," Dawn said, and then saw what had happened. "I thought you were going to talk, not this!" She gestured to the pair.
An evil look crossed Dawn's face before she said, "I'm going to tell Ash that you like him and then did this!"
"No, Dawn please don’t!" Misty pleaded.
Dawn and Michael ran off, giggling, as Misty and Lucas chased after them.
"OUCH!" Misty cried out, tripping.
"Misty!" Lucas shouted and started to run back.

TWUMP!! Ash walked out of his room at that moment to see what the commotion was, only to collide with Lucas.
"Ouch! Watch it!" Ash grunted.
"Sorry!" Lucas scrambled to his feet as a wall blew in.
"To protect the world from-"
"Shut UP for once!" Ash shouted at Team Rocket.
"Don't interrupt the Team Rocket motto. Ahem," James said.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all people within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"Hey! Love isn't evil!" Misty shouted, attempting to stand up, but collapsed again.
"Yes, we all know you have two on the go now. Hey, Jessie, look! They're both in this room!" James said before resuming the motto, "To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket! Blast off at the speed of light!" Jessie said.
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!" James said.
"Meowth! That's right!"

"Hey! Misty isn't my girlfriend!" Ash said, turning to Lucas, who simply kneeled next to Misty and pulled the rubble off her.
"Lucas? H-Help me..." Misty coughed before passing out.
"... You asked for a fight. YOU'RE GONNA GET ONE!!!" Lucas let loose all his anger and reached for a Ball. "Go Raichu!" He threw the Ball.
"Uh, oh," James said. ”I remember the last time he chose Raichu.”
"Thunder!!!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.
KABOOM!! The attack hit, blowing Team Rocket into the sky.
"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" they shouted, disappearing into the sky.

"Misty..." Lucas choked. "Get your mom, Ash!"
"Okay!" Ash ran off.
"Be okay. Just be okay," he mumbled.
"L-Lucas. I'm sorry..." Misty whispered.
"No. Not again. Not this time," was all Lucas could say.
"I want you to know..." Misty mumbled.
"Misty! Lucas, the ambulance is on the way," Ash's mother said almost calmly, though the panic was visible on her face.

uhh this 'new' chapter is just a reapet of the last you noticed?

yeah, sorry about that. I've just noticed, and my error is now fixed.

I'm still pointing out that Ash NEVER puts pikachu in a pokebLL BECAUSE PIKACHU DOSEN'T WANT TO BE IN ONE