Thread: Kris vs Gold: A Tale of War - Snow

Ebail: I am glad you liked it! And don't worry, the next parts all have plenty of action!
NikNak: I am glad someone liked Hanoko :D I tried to imagine my japanese friend as an old lady, so hopefully it worked out :P
ghaskan: Interesting opinions. My Pokemon universe has very little to do with Japan, and we will find out why during Galactic (my other big Pokemon series), so I try and use different cultures. And you seem to want Gold to commit suicide :P

Also, there are now banners up for "Double Take" and "All's Fair in Love and Sport" if you want to have a look ;)

Originally Posted by AceTrainer14

Ebail: I am glad you liked it! And don't worry, the next parts all have plenty of action!
NikNak: I am glad someone liked Hanoko :D I tried to imagine my japanese friend as an old lady, so hopefully it worked out :P
ghaskan: Interesting opinions. My Pokemon universe has very little to do with Japan, and we will find out why during Galactic (my other big Pokemon series), so I try and use different cultures. And you seem to want Gold to commit suicide :P

Also, there are now banners up for "Double Take" and "All's Fair in Love and Sport" if you want to have a look ;)

Nah, not really :D I just wanted to stress my point "Stop suicide!!". I think an attempt may add up to the drama, but I want him to marry Kris improve and prove himself as a trainer.

I never had any intentions for Gold to do attempt any form of suicide. He snaps at his family at one point, later on in the series, but that is the most angry he will get, asides from their final bat- well, I shouldn't spoil too much :P

Originally Posted by AceTrainer14

I never had any intentions for Gold to do attempt any form of suicide. He snaps at his family at one point, later on in the series, but that is the most angry he will get, asides from their final bat- well, I shouldn't spoil too much :P

Haha, fair enough. Guess when I think about drama, I dramatize too much xD Still good to see he won't be left behind, like sometimes happens to more unfortunate rivals. And now I'll stop arguing

That's fine, keep arguing if you want :P

Yay, I got a bunch of nominations! :D So please vote for Kris for Best Main, Gold for Best Supporting, Bill from Best Take on Canon, and Kris vs Gold for Best Serial!

this is good:) keep it up!

Thanks :D

New story beginning! This first part is really long :?



Olivine City came across, to most tourists, as a cross between a fishing village and a huge industrial area.

Walking through the cobbled stone streets, tourists were treated to a mixture of homes. There were traditional, old fashioned homes made from red and brown brick, with striped awnings over the wooden doors, and then there were the new concrete luxury blocks. This bland buildings had been better to attract a richer cliental to the city, and there were usually built on higher land, with real green grass. A lot of the shops were old fashioned, with a fifty year old pub, old corner stores and different styled buildings.

There was also a large hospital on the edge of town, and Olivine had the regions main port. A huge three storey terminal stood on the waters edge, with blue glass windows making it look very futuristic amongst the waterfront restaurants. Stone docks stretched around the terminal, with yachts and motor boats filling the waters. The S.S Aqua was hidden away in a warehouse, with tourists flocking around the closed doors, trying to see what’s inside. Olivine was more for tourists from other regions, as it had a huge lighthouse to see as well.

But trainers had a place there as well.

Olivine City housed Johto’s Steel-type gym, and many trainers came here to battle the leader, Jasmine. The gym was in the middle of a park, as there had been no land left after the lifestyle blocks had been built, so Jasmine had allowed a playground to be built on her land.

The gym itself looked like a huge steel monster: it was shaped like a Steelix’s head, so it was slightly oval shaped, purely grey and made of metal, and had white doors in the place Steelix’s teeth would have been. A lot of gym leaders put time into making their gyms very unique, mainly for the enjoyment of a unique battle experience. While this gym had a very unique design, few trainers cared, as at this point of the league, they just wanted to win. Many trainers were currently working in the park, training up their fire, fighting and ground types with other trainers, all trying to be the best. No one really cared what the gym looked like, except for one.

“You know, this looks sort of like a metal lemon.” Kris pointed out.
Kris had been travelling for two days, alongside her trusted companion, Bayleef, and a new companion in her grandmother, Hanoko, and her Glaceon and Leafeon.

After their late night the other day, Kris and Hanoko had slept in, but as the sun rose higher, the two eventually woke, packed up the tent, and headed towards Olivine. The two had shared tales and details about each other over the walk, wishing to bond more as relatives. They shared holidays, birthday parties, funny Pokemon stories, publicly embarrassing stories, things like that. The two were really beginning to know each other, and had soon moved past abandonment and extortion to a much friendlier atmosphere, and were soon bonding like old friends. Kris was glad to have someone that spoke English to talk too, and it seemed Hanoko was enjoying being able to go on her first journey in years. The two even teamed up to battle wild Pokemon and trainers, and Hanoko and her two Eeveelutions proved amazing in battle.

By the time they reached the gym, the two were laughing away, while Bayleef chatted to Leafeon and Glaceon. They had now come to the gym, which did look slightly like a steel lemon, and were now approaching the doors.

“I once challenged this gym ages ago.” Hanoko explained, after they examined the buildings structure. “Of course, it was a different gym leader back then. All the female trainers loved him, as he was quite a catch. Very talented trainer though, and only a few years younger than me at the”

“SHIT!” Kris screeched, causing trainers across the park to look over. Bayleef stopped talking to Leafeon and Glaceon, and turned and ran over towards her.

“Krystal, I didn’t expect such language from you!” Hanoko gasped.

“Right, sorry, but look at this!” Kris wailed, and pointed at the doors. A note was taped to it, reading:

Olivine Gym is temporarily closed.
I may be contacted at Olivine Lighthouse.
Sorry for the inconvenience

Jasmine

“Oh dear.” Hanoko said, after she finished reading.

“Bayleef Bay.” Bayleef sighed. She had wanted to do the gym battle as well, but it looked like no one would.

“Let’s not give up hope just yet!” Kris said, and pointed to the middle line. “She’s at Olivine Lighthouse. Why don’t we go there and see her?”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Hanoko agreed. “I went up the old one, in my day but this one looks much nicer.”

“Awesome, let’s go then!” Kris beamed, and let her disappointment disappear. With her grandmother and Pokemon by her side, few things were bringing her down. With Bayleef, Glaceon and Leafeon bringing up the rear, the five women all headed off towards the lighthouse.


The Glitter Lighthouse, as the town residents liked to call it, rose high up into the air. Built on top of a hill near the port, it had a large rectangular base which housed the lobby, and then the main part was built on top. It was painted in blue and white stripes, and it looked very sea like. Inside this part of the lighthouse, a staircase spiralled around an elevator shaft. The only benefit of taking the stairs was that tourists could go out onto an observation deck, and see and smell the sea life in open air.

At the top of the lighthouse, there was an observation deck, with roof-to-floor windows to give a panoramic view of the city, the sea and the surrounding forests and cliffs. Up here was where the light was stored, and the huge lamp rested on top of a metal stand.

“Wow, it’s so tall!” Was all Kris could think to say, as she stood at the top of the staircase leading up, staring towards the white roof tons of metres above her.

“And it looks beautiful as well, more artistic than the old one.” Hanoko mumbled.

“Glace!”

“Leaf!

“Bayleef!” The three Pokemon said in admiration as well. Kris and Hanoko smiled at each other, and then they moved forwards. It was quiet outside of the lighthouse today, which they found strange, as it was one of the top tourist spots in the region. Only one tour group and a handful of small families were sitting or standing around binoculars and picnic tables.

Inside, it was nearly a ghost town for a top tourist area. One family was sitting at a plastic table, but otherwise the hall was deserted. Their feet echoed inside the quiet, confined space.

“Is it just me, or is this place really dull?” Kris whispered to Hanoko.

“Something must be wrong.” The elderly lady whispered back. The thudding sound of Bayleef’s feet attracted the attention of a stern looking tour guide, who marched swiftly over to them as they approached the lift.

“Hello there madams.” He said, putting on a fake smile. “I am so sorry, but the lift to the top floor is not for public use at the moment.”

“And why is that?” Hanoko snapped, clutching her staff angrily. Kris smiled as the tour guide cowered under her glare.

“There is an important person up there, tend to some important business, and I don’t think she’d like to be-”

“Disturbed? I am sure Jasmine won’t mind.” A male voice boomed, and everyone turned around. The tour guide’s jaw dropped, and Kris and Hanoko both stared at the man in shock.

Everyone knew who Steven Stone was: the powerful steel type trainer from Hoenn, who had been the champion for nearly two decades. He had finally been defeated by the gym leader, Wallace, in what had been described as “one of the most epic battles in years.” Steven had been standing a few metres back, but now walked gracefully forwards. His silver hair glistened in the sunlight, and he looked good in his usual purple suit. He walked up to Hanoko and pulled her into a hug.

“I remember all of my old gym battles.” Steven explained. “And I can definitely remember the one when the challenger changed between Sunny Day and Hail so much, I got a bad headache and didn’t concentrate as Blizzards and Solarbeams eliminated my team!” Hanoko laughed, and Glaceon and Leafeon twittered as well. Kris was just stunned to be in the presence of a champion, and couldn’t say a word. But Steven looked down at her and smiled.

“I have actually heard a bit about you.” He said, with a nod and a wink.

“M-M-Me? Really?” Kris gasped.

“Yes, you. I speak to the gym leaders quite regularly, and several of
them have mentioned a tough opponent that seems to resemble you.” Steven explained. Kris turned bright red and looked at Bayleef, who was beaming widely. Steven chuckled, and walked towards the tour guide. He was cowering under the stare from the powerful man, and rushed over and pressed a button besides the elevator. With a loud ding, the doors slid apart.

“Come along then.” Steven said to Kris and Hanoko.

“Are you sure Jasmine won’t mind?” Hanoko asked, as they began to move forwards.

“Of course not, I am sure will be happy to after I give her what she wants.” Steven explained, and winked again. Bayleef, Glaceon and Leafeon crowded into the small glass lift, and the three humans stood alongside. The doors closed, and with a sensation in their stomachs, it began to rise up.

“So, is her prescense here why the lighthouse is closed?” Kris asked.

“Well, she has been dealing with the lamp, and can’t be disturbed.” Steven answered.

“Why is she doing that, shouldn’t a technician do it?” Kris asked, thoroughly confused. Steven just smiled back at her, and they all stood in silence as the elevator rose to a stop. The doors parted, opening up into the middle of the floor, and Kris gasped.

The view was extraordinary. From every inch of the top floor, Kris could see a different sight, a different world. In front of her was the wide, open sea, with its crystal blue water and boats bobbing along the surface. To the right was the city, which looked nice and cosy with the cliffs along its edges. Behind the elevator was a forest: tall pines and oaks, their green leaves softly tapping the glass in the wind.

“This is beautiful!” Kris said, and she stared around in awe.

“Magnificent!” Hanoko added.

“Bayleef Leaf Bay!” Bayleef cried, and excitedly began to run. But she came to a stop, as woman stood in her way.

Kris automatically knew it was Jasmine: she was emitting a sort of soft, peaceful calmness, and had a warm smile and beautiful eyes. Her brown hair hang down around her white shirt and orange dress, and Jasmine looked very simple yet beautiful.

“Hello there.” Jasmine smiled.

“Hello, my name’s Kris, and I have been looking forward to battling you.” Kris explained with a warm smile, and shook Jasmine’s hand.

“I will be happy to, but please give me a little while.” Jasmine
explained, and then turned to Steven. “Did you bring it?”

“Yes, I did.” Steven explained, and produced a brown bottle from his jacket. It looked very dirty and dusty, but Jasmine quickly took it, and rushed over to the other side of the stand the lamp rested on.

An Ampharos was laying there, on top of an electric blanket made of Mareep wool. She didn’t look very happy, but looked up with wide eyes as Jasmine approached.

“Phar?” She mumbled.

“Yes Amphy, it’s the right stuff.” Jasmine explained, and pulled the top off of the bottle. She poured a golden liquid down the Ampharos’ throat, making the electric Pokemon’s eyes roll back, and she collapsed in Jasmine’s arms.

“What is wrong with her?” Hanoko asked. Jasmine placed Ampharos back down on her blanket, and then turned around.

“Amphy here is one of my old friends.” Jasmine explained. “When the old Ampharos that powered this lighthouse died, I allowed Amphy to be used as a beacon, using a mix of Signal Beam, Thunder and Discharge to provide light for sailors. However, when we opened this up as an observation deck, Amphy got horribly picked on by some younger tourists.”

“How horrible!” Kris gasped.

“I worried for her safety, so we pretended to replace her with this lamp, and kept Amphy hidden away during the day.” Jasmine continued. “But, unfortunately, she has a terrible immune system, and the lack of sunlight has made her ill, again!”

“Amphy fell quite sick a little while back, but some kind Dex-holders helped her out.” Steven explained.

“Dex holders? Does that mean they have a PokeDex?” Kris asked. She reached into her bag, and pulled out her red PokeDex. Jasmine, Steven and Hanoko all looked shock, surprising Kris and Bayleef.

“What, what’s wrong?” But she was ignored, as Steven rushed over to
Jasmine, and the two had a quick discussion.

“Being a Dex Holder has become quite a sacred thing, dear.” Hanoko explained.

“Yes, you are very special.” Steven explained, as Jasmine stood up alongside him. “And that is why we must-” But Steven was interrupted, as a door to their right banged open. Everyone turned, and watched as a figure stepped out from the staircase.

“Oh shit…” Kris growled, and stared at the familiar face.

“Hello everyone.” Gold smiled. “What’s going on up here?”

Great story. When I started reading about 4 hours ago I though you would write every gym, route and city. But it is far more fun to only see the "fights" with Gold in every chapter and what happens around it. That way is in every chapter/story at least 1 spectacular battle. And it is really amazing how you only write a few moments from Kris' journey but still put so much plot in it.
I really look forward to the next part.

I am very glad tat you enjoy it :D And wow, 4 hours! I didn't know it would take that long to read my silly story :P

Here is Part 2!

Silence followed his words, as Steven and Jasmine exchanged confused looks, while Kris and Bayleef both looked annoyed.

“This is closed!” Hanoko snapped, and walked up to Gold angrily, her staff making a loud clunk as she walked. Gold looked down at her and smirked.

“I’m not scared of an old lady.” He scoffed, but as he turned, he found Steven in his face. The powerful trainer looked down angrily at Gold, and the younger trainer recoiled slightly.

“We are rather busy up here, what do you want?” Steven snapped.

“I’m looking for Jasmine, a note said she would be here.” Gold explained quickly, and looked over at the gym leader. Jasmine was trying to deal with Amphy, who was fidgeting in her sleep, but the longer Gold looked at her caused her to give up ignoring him.

“I am sorry, but there is already a challenger in front of you.” Jasmine explained, and looked over towards Kris. Gold looked confused, but as he turned around, he saw Bayleef, who was stamping her feet, and he beamed.

“Hello Krystal.” He boomed cheekily, and came to a stop, looking smugly over at Kris.

Kris’ blood began to boil, and her hands turned into fists. She stared into his smug expression, and thought back to when he had defeated her, back to when he looked exactly like that at the start of their journeys, and she thought back to poor little Ruby. Due to the stress of her mother’s cancer, her league quest and her father, Kris had had little time to spare to think about her departed friend. But that old memory, and seeing Gold acting smug, was bringing it all back.

“Hello Ethan.” Kris snarled finally. “What brings you here, following my steps?”

“No, I didn’t even know you were here!” Gold retorted. “I wanted to battle Jasmine, but when I found out that she was here and that it was closed, I had to sneak in. So, I flew up onto the observation deck, and then began running up that spirally staircase. And my god, that thing is really long!”

“You have a flying type?” Kris asked in shock, but quickly brushed this fact aside. “But, anyway, you technically broke in!”

“I had good reasons!” Gold replied.

“Oh hardly!” Hanoko scoffed, and hit Gold on the shins with her stick. Kris and Bayleef erupted in laughter as Gold stumbled, moaning in pain.

“No need to get violent, Hanoko!” Steven gasped. “I can see the boy just wants a battle, and Jasmine may be able to-”

“No, not yet!” Jasmine protested. “Amphy only just had medicine, she needs to be cared for!” Everyone nodded, and looked at the poor, sick Pokemon lying on the ground. But then Kris and Gold went back to staring at each other, but this suddenly made Gold smile.

“I have an idea!” He beamed. “Why don’t we have a battle? The winner gets to be the first person to battle Jasmine, once she is ready. Sound like a plan?” Gold looked around at everyone, smiling. Kris looked at Bayleef, who nodded determinedly.

“I guess we are in then.” Kris replied, and she looked over at Jasmine. The three other pairs of eyes looked towards her as well, and Jasmine sighed.

“I guess it could work then. And it should last long enough for the medicine to take effect.” Jasmine explained.

“Awesome!” Gold boomed. “So, shall we have a three on three, or do you have enough for maybe a five on five, or-”

“Hang on a second!” Steven boomed, and stepped between them. “How about you two try a different sort of battle: one on ones.”

“Just one battle, with one Pokemon each? Boring!” Gold sighed.

“No, he doesn’t mean that.” Hanoko snapped, and raised her stick angrily. Gold flinched, and Kris and Bayleef snorted.

“As I was going to say, there is a type of “quickfire” battling that I haven’t seen in a while.” Steven explained. “In most battles, trainers will switch their Pokemon out strategically to give them a type or ability advantage. However, in these battles, you still have the same number of Pokemon, except two Pokemon will battle each other only.”

“So, if I sent out Bayleef and he sent out Croconaw, he couldn’t switch Croconaw out until Bayleef defeats him?” Kris asked.

“Sort of: once a Pokemon faints, a seemingly new battle will begin.” Steven continued. “You would have to switch Bayleef out, and both of you will send a new Pokemon in. You shall do a three of these, and whoever wins two rounds gets to battle Jasmine first, and wins a special prize!” Kris and Gold’s eyes both bulged, and Bayleef began dancing excitedly. Hanoko beamed down at Glaceon and Leafeon, but they had already moved over to lie against the wall. Hanoko smiled and wandered over to Ampharos’ blanket, and flopped down alongside Jasmine.

Kris and Gold walked to opposite sides of the area, both of them standing in front of a window.

“Bayleef, I want you to watch this one, and give me your feedback afterwards.” Kris said.

“Leaf Bayleef Bay.” Bayleef replied, and waddled over to stand by Glaceon and Leafeon. Steven stepped between them both, and began fetching inside his pocket for a coin.

“You’re going down, Krystal!” Gold snapped.

“Bring it on Hartley!” Kris snarled, and grabbed her first PokeBall.

“Ok, let’s see who will send first!” Steven boomed, and flipped a silver coin.

“TAILS!” Gold screamed quickly. Kris cursed, and watched as the coin fell towards the ground. With a clatter, it fell flat onto the surface.

“It’s a Seviper, so Gold gets to-”

“KRIS CAN SEND FIRST, HA!” Gold boomed, and danced happily. Hanoko angrily jabbed him in the back, and Gold winced and stopped his victory dance. Kris smiled, and pulled her first choice out.

“Alright Espeon, let’s begin this!” She cried, and threw the ball. It hit the ground, and burst open, emitting light and red energy. The energy swirled around, and then formed onto the ground.

“Espe!” Espeon wailed, and smiled happily. Eevee’s Psychic evolved form was pink, and had a two-pronged tail. Kris had been very happy with her Eevee had spectacularly evolved during a battle against a trainer’s Magnemite. Kris and Epseon were both smiling, but so was Gold.

“Your not the only one to have evolved: Umbreon, let’s face your twin!” He yelled, and threw his own PokeBall. Kris gasped as her rival’s Pokemon began to form. Umbreon was Espeon’s exact opposite: it was dark type, and was jet black with yellow rings, and it evolved at night time.

“Umbre!” Umbreon snapped, and he glared at his twin. Espeon growled back, and Kris’ body tensed.

“Oh, it’s on!” She snapped.

“This is fantastic: The Sun and Moonlight Pokemon, facing off against each other!” Steven said happily. “So, let’s GO!”

“Espeon, I want you to begin with Swift!” Kris commanded.

“Sucker Punch, now!” Gold said mischievously. Umbreon smiled wickedly, and he charged forwards quickly. Espeon couldn’t even blink before Umbreon appeared in front of her, and whacked her with his left paw.

“Peon!” She hissed, and the red gem on her forehead glowed white. Stars shot out, smashing into Umbreon at point blank range. He rolled backwards, skidding across the floor.

“Brilliant, now try a Dig, quickly!” Kris cried.

“Hidden Power!” Gold boomed. Espeon began clawing at the floor around her: tiles cracked and were moved aside, and a small hole quickly began to form, leading into the underfloor heating and electrical cables.

“Go, quickly!” Kris commanded. Umbreon’s yellow circles glowed light purple, and ovals of the same colour came out. They span around Umbreon, and then began flying towards Espeon, who was still digging away parts of the hole.

“Espeon!” She wailed, and dived into the hole, just as the attacks smashed into the ground behind her. Gold and Umbreon cursed, and Kris just smiled.

“Alright Umbreon, wait for Espeon to reappear, and then use Toxic!” Gold instructed.

“Bre!” Umbreon cried, and waited. The floor shook slightly, and Espeon suddenly erupted from beneath them, head-butting Umbreon in the gut. Espeon smiled as her twin flew upwards, nearly hitting Steven and Bayleef. The two landed, and Umbreon looked angry.

“Umbre!” He snorted, and smashed his paws against the floor. Purple ooze came out, and passed through the floor. It than burst out underneath Espeon, coating her in pink ooze. However, Kris didn’t look that worried, and was in fact smiling.

“Why are you smiling, your Pokemon’s poisoned?” Gold asked, getting nervous.

“Espeon’s ability, like Umbreon’s, is Synchronize.” Steven explained. “When a Pokemon with Synchronize receives some sort of ailment, it makes the Pokemon that gave it that condition have the same one.”

“Espeon Espe!” Espeon agreed, and the red gem on her head turned purple. Umbreon looked shocked, and turned to flee, but a purple beam shot out of the gem, striking him and knocking him over. Espeon smiled briefly, but than she quivered as the gem flashed purple, at the same time as Umbreon’s yellow circles turned purple.

“So they are both poisoned, this should be interesting.” Hanoko commented.

“I know! I don’t see a lot of poison attacks in my gym, so it’ll be interesting to see.” Jasmine agreed, and the two women turned back to the fight. Kris and Gold were both annoyed over the poisoning, and both of them wanted revenge.

“Use Shadow Ball to trip him up!” Kris ordered.

“Take the attack and then use Faint Attack!” Gold commanded. Espeon opened her mouth, and a ball of purple and black energy came out.

“Espe!” She said, and fired it out. Umbreon stood firmly and accepted the attack: the energy swirled over him, making him blend in.

“I’d avert your eyes if I was you.” Gold smirked, and shut his. The others were confused, but then yellow light began to come from the smoke.

“Umbreon’s rings are glowing!” Steven gasped, as he covered his eyes. Kris, Espeon and Bayleef looked away as well, but soon the light was gone.

And so was Umbreon.

“Be careful Kris, Faint Attack never misses!” Hanoko called.

“The light was just a distraction so Umbreon could escape!” Jasmine added.

“I know, I know!” Kris replied irritably, and looked around. Espeon was pacing around nervously, waiting for the attack. But then Kris noticed something: the hole Espeon had executed Dig from was still there, with bits of tiles lying around.

“Espeon, he must be inside your tunnel, get out of there!” Kris yelled.

“On Espeon!” Espeon replied, and began to run away from the area. She slid past Steven, Bayleef, Leafeon and Glaceon, and came to a stop by one of the windows.

“Umbreon will still get you.” Gold said with a sly smile.

“How, there is no where he can appear from!” Kris replied happily.

“Are you sure?” Steven asked, and they turned as they all heard a ping. Espeon wheeled around, but was too late. Unfortunately for her, she had stopped right outside the lift. And somehow, Umbreon had gotten in there!

“UMBRE!” The Moonlight Pokemon cried, as he leapt out of the metal box, and smashed into Espeon, causing her to smash into the window. A big crack appeared, and Jasmine gasped dramatically. Kris cursed, and did so again when the poison took effect again, making both Pokemon slide to the ground.

“Swift!” Kris yelled.

“Hidden Power!” Gold boomed. The two Eeveelutions got up, but there was only a little bit of space between them. Umbreon quickly summoned the power from within to form the ovals outside her body, while Espeon’s gem turned white. Both Pokemon fired their attacks, but they didn’t go far: the stars and lilac ovals collided between the two Pokemon. They exploded with a flash of light, and caused wispy smoke to appear between them. Both Pokemon cried out, and then there was a smashing sound.

“What was that?” Kris wailed, and she, Steven and Gold ran forwards to see what had happened.

Pretty nice battle, but you're overusing the word "boomed."
I liked your descriptions, as well as those of Hanako. Cranky old lady :).
One interesting thing to note is that, though I don't know the winner yet, had Gold used Moonlight or, at the end, Sucker Punch, he probably would have won.
And I have to ask, why aren't you showing evolutions like that?

Yeah, I struggle trying to find new words to use :P
I am glad you like Hanoko! :D
Remember, there are still two rounds left after this one, so Gold hasn't won yet
And I am saving the first shown evolution for a very special battle

I can't possibly read all 29 scenes (and 6 chapters) in time for this review, so my review will probably be based on just the first 10 scenes (3 chapters).

Plot: 8/20

A little empty, but again, like so many of the other stories out there, the plot is just a device to move the characters along.

Characterization: 17/20

The dynamic between Gold and Kris is unusually strong in this story.

And Gold is naive as ever. XD

Grammar, style, and flow: 6/10

“As soon as I get a flying type, I’ll send you letters!” Kris yelled, walking backwards and waving. “Bye!”

This is a problem I find with a lot of authors - they use in-game terminology too casually.

You do describe the battles pretty well, though. I can definitely give you that. The rest of the story seemed a little fast, but no huge problems.

Overall rating: 72/100

Yeah, pretty darn good.

Wow, thanks a lot Zekurom :) The plot does get better in the later stories with the further revelations about Kris' father, so if you ever get to read those, hopefully my plot rating will go up :)

This took too long....


Umbreon was lying back a little bit, looking a bit sore from the explosion. Shards of glass were lying everywhere, but Espeon wasn’t visible anywhere.

“ESPEON!” Kris screeched, and she ran over the glass, and stared out of the shattered window. “ESPEON, WHERE ARE YOU!” She screamed.

Suddenly, something large and pink smashed into her face.

Gold, who was standing alongside a shocked Steven, stifled a laugh as Espeon’s tail whacked Kris in the face, and knocked her backwards. Espeon was levitating, with rainbow coloured rings coming out of her gem.

“She used Psybeam to lift herself up!” Steven gasped. Kris had landed on a large piece of glass, but it only made a small hole in her shirt, and she leapt up as Espeon landed.

“Espe!” She said happily. But then her gem glowed purple, the Sun Pokemon fell forwards.

“Oh Espeon, you are so brave and smart!” Kris said, and got on her knees, avoiding glass, and gave her a hug.

“Espeon appears to have fainted, so Round One goes to Gold!” Steven announced. Hanoko and Jasmine applauded politely, but Gold cheered and gave Umbreon a hug. He was looking sick, and Kris realised he had only won marginly. She returned Espeon to her PokeBall, and moved back to her spot.

“Come along Gold, it is time for the next round.” Steven said, and Gold brought Umbreon back and rushed over to his spot.

“Alright then: Kris, it’s your turn to choose who sends.” Kris nodded, and pulled an Ultra Ball out.

“I will go first!” She said, and Gold looked a bit stunned by this. “Now, go Miltank!” Hanoko smiled, and they all watched as the ball spun through the air. It landed on the ground, and there was a flash of yellow light. White energy came out, witth numerous yellow, white and gold circles spiralling around it. The energy began to form into a shape, and the stars burst to mask the final form.

“MIILLLL!” A large, blue and cream coloured Miltank stood proudly in front of Kris, standing with her legs apart and looking over at Gold. She smiled at him, and Gold’s jaw just dropped.

“You have a shiny Miltank…. Wow!” He gasped, and he examined the Pokemon, who was looking very proud.

“I caught her the other night, and she has already proved very versatile in battle.” Kris explained.

“Taaaank!” Miltank mooed in thanks, and looked over at Gold. Gold pondered for a moment, and then pulled out a PokeBall.

“Alright then: go Scizor!” And he threw the metal sphere onto the field. It erupted open, and the white energy hit the ground, and formed upwards. The Pokemon that stood there was dark red, with huge claws, yellow eyes, and a muscular yet metallic body that gleamed in the sunlight.

“Scizor… who is that?” Kris asked, confused, and pulled her PokeDex out. Gold rolled his eyes, but Steven looked impressively at the Scizor, who was flexing his arms, and then turned to Kris.

“Once Scyther is given a Metal Coat to hold, and then traded, the effects of Scyther’s DNA mixing with the molecules that make up the metal coat during the trade makes it evolve.” He explained, and Kris figured he would take his word, as he was a steel champion, after all.

“Sciz Sciz!” Scizor called, and flexed his body again. Miltank looked at Kris with a look that practically said ‘is this guy serious?’, making Kris laugh.

“I think it is time to begin, so GO!” Steven yelled.

“Alright then Miltank, let’s show them what we’re made of! Start off with Water Pulse!” Kris yelled, and surprised the others

“It’s normal, so use Vacuum Wave!” Gold ordered. Before Miltank could move, Scizor’s right claw began spinning around rapidly. The same energy that used to form around Scyther now formed around the spinning claw.

“ZOR!” Scizor cried, and punched. Energy shot out, spiralling around towards Miltank. She stood her ground as a ball of water formed in her mouth, and the Vacuum Wave hit her stomach. Her eyes narrowed, and the ball suddenly grew bigger.

“MILLLLL!” Miltank mooed, and it caused the attack to be fired. Pules of water shot out, growing larger as they moved away. Scizor crossed his arms in defence, but about five pulses washed over him, causing him to topple over backwards. As his head hit the ground, the Pincer Pokemon’s yellow eyes rolled into the back of his head, and Gold cursed.

“Scizor is confused! That was a very powerful Water Pulse!” Steven commented, and nodded at Kris and Miltank. Miltank beamed with pride, and Kris gave her a quick pat on the back.

“Alright, let’s use Body Slam while he’s on the ground!”

“Ok… try a Bug Buzz, and hopefully it’ll hit…” Gold mumbled. The confused Scizor nodded, and he leapt upwards. His wings glowed green and they fluttered quickly, releasing and irritating sound and green sound waves.

“Jump up, now!” Kris yelled. Miltank was covering her ears, but knew that if she jumped while Scizor was airborne, she could crush him as he landed.

“MILLLL-” The Milk Cow Pokemon began, and jumped upwards, spreading her limbs to increase her body mass. Scizor’s feet landed softly on the tiles, just as Miltank’s heavy frame began to fall.

“TAAAAANK!” She finished, and landed on top of Scizor.

“Scizor Zor Zor!” Scizor moaned, and tried to heave her off. Kris beamed over at Bayleef, who danced happily.

“ThunderPunch, now!” Kris ordered.

“Bullet Punch, quickly!” Gold wailed. Miltank’s left fist turned yellow and crackled with electricity, while Scizor’s right turned a steely grey.

“Sciz!” Scizor exclaimed, and lashed out. A bullet-shaped beam of light shot out, but it missed Miltank completely: it flew up into the roof, smashed into a light, rebounded off a window, and then zoomed back towards them.

“Dodge it Miltank!” Kris cried. Miltank shifted her weight, and the attack missed her and hit Scizor’s head. He moaned in pain, which increased as Miltank bunched him in the chest, forcing him down the tiles. Scizor came to a stop in front of Hanoko and Jasmine, who looked rather surprised. Gold looked nervous, but Scizor managed to slowly stand up, with his both eyes looking back at Miltank, and Gold cheered.

“Booyah, go Scizor!” He exclaimed.

“He’s no longer confused, so try Water Pulse again!” Kris instructed.

“Slash, now!” Gold shouted. Scizor suddenly sped forwards, causing a gust of wind that hit the watchers.

“Watch it you!” Hanoko snapped, and prodded Gold with her walking stick.

“Don’t blame me for his speed!” Gold pouted. Scizor’s wings glowed white and began to grow, and Scizor jumped upwards. As he soared down, he tucked his arms in, and looked like a jet coming in to land.

“SCIZOR SCIZ SCIZ!” He proclaimed, and neared Miltank, who looked at Kris.

“Mil?” She asked.

“Take the attack, I have a plan.” Kris told her. Miltank nodded, and stood firmly, but Scizor looked very angry for revenge. She began to chare for Water Pulse, just as Scizor got nearer.

“ZOR!” He proclaimed, and turned to avoid a collision at the last minute. His wings cut across Miltank’s stomach, weakening her.

“Fire NOW!” Kris yelled.

“MILLLLLTAAAAANNNK!” Miltank cried, and released the Water Pulse. Scizor hadn’t gotten out of the way yet, and the wet attack smashed into him, and he crashed into the window.

“Brilliant tactics!” Jasmine announced, and Gold’s eyes narrowed.

“I’m not going to let you win this round!” He snapped at Kris, as Scizor rubbed his head. But Kris simply smirked, and winked a Miltank, who looked proud but tired.

“We’ll just see. Try taking Miltank down after she’s had a Milk Drink!” Kris suggested, and Steven nodded in agreement at her move choice.

“Oh yeah, well you can just take another Slash!” Gold growled. Scizor nodded, and he jumped up with surprising athleticism. Miltank looked around, just in time for Scizor to fly past. His wings hit her on the face, causing Miltank to collapse to the ground.

“ZOR SCIZ!” Scizor announced, and landed gracefully in front of Gold. Kris got on her knees, and leant across Miltank.

“Are you alright?” She asked, concerned. Miltank ignored her, and stared directly towards Scizor. He gulped, and took and nervously took a step backwards as Miltank looked at him with surprising anger. She slowly stood up, her eyes narrowed and fists clenched. Bayleef and Steven took a step backwards as well, and even Glaceon and Leafeon looked up from their slumber.

“MIIIIIILLLTAAAAAANNNNNKKKKK!” Miltank bellowed, and she suddenly glowed white, as healing energy was released from her utter. But before she was even fully healed, Miltank’s left fist turned yellow and cackled.

“I wasn’t going to command ThunderPunch, I wanted you to Body Slam!” Kris yelled. Miltank’s glowing head nodded, and she jumped up, but kept he ThunderPunch.

“Scizzzor…..?” Scizor mumbled, and looked up in fright.

“Ummm, ummmm, Vacuum Wave?” Gold said, as he too looked up at the glowing angry cow. Scizor’s right claw turned around rapidly, and he punched upwards. Miltank turned in mid air, letting the vacuum of energy pass her by. Then, she put her fist out, and yellow electricity blasted the vacuum, and the force caused Scizor to stumble backwards. He put his claws out to balance himself, but didn’t have enough time to dodge Miltank.

“MIIIIILLLLL!” She wailed, and Gold leapt backwards to get out of the way. Miltank drove the ThunderPunch into Scizor’s lower jaw while she was airborne, and did an impressive mid-air twirl, hoisting Scizor up into the sky. His eyes widened with horror as Miltank completed the twirl, and then proceeded to grab his shoulders. The two came down, with Miltank on top, and she squashed Scizor flat. There was the sound of crinkled metal, and everyone edged forwards to see the result they knew. Scizor was lying unconscious and heavily dented on the floor, while Miltank sat on top, panting from the exhausting attack.

“Scizor is unable to battle, making Kris the winner of Round Two and forcing a tie breaker!” Steven announced.

“Good, I don’t want this battle to end just yet!” Hanoko said excitedly, and clapped happily, making Jasmine and Steven smile.

“We won, great job Miltank!” Kris boomed, and gave her Milk Cow a hug. Bayleef rushed over, and she nuzzled Miltank’s face. Miltank smiled, but she was rather tired, even after the Milk Drink, so Kris brought her back inside her Ultra Ball.

“Bayleef Leaf Bay Bay?” Bayleef asked eagerly. Kris made sure Gold wasn’t looking or listening, and noticed him grouchily staring out the window, holding a Great Ball. She then lead Bayleef back to her side of the battle field.

“Sorry Bayleef, but I have a feel of what type he’ll use next, and if he does use it, it won’t end well for you.” Kris explained. Bayleef was puzzled, but than she remembered Gold’s earlier comments and nodded. Steven walked back to his position, and Bayleef gave Kris a quick nuzzle before running off.

“Alright Gold, for the final round, who is sending first?” Gold turned around to face Steven, and then looked over at Kris.

“I’m sending first. Let’s end this!” He proclaimed, and quickly threw his Great Ball. Kris was surprised at the suddenness of it, but she grabbed her next option, and waited to see who he sent.

Wow! I can't wait to see what the next pokemon is!
One thing I don't like is how you're battles seem to be very....I don't know, repetitive? Basically, it's one move after another. Use your artistic license! You can do pretty much anything you want, so don't hold back!
One thing I just realized is that the next pokemon can't be Feraligatr, cause it's a great ball. COME ON TYRANITAR!