Ah...my first review.Hope my sleepiness won't hinder this! I literally read only half of the story, more or less. So let's begin!(stretches hands)]
Grammar: 13.75/20 more or less. Growls aside,you managed to get OK marks. Your downfall is errors like Your and ti.
Emotion and Characterization: 15.5/20. Gold's personality is well... a bit common,yet not so common, he is, from my point of view, egoistic, a bit of a show-off . Kris's personality is quite likable, emotional, keeps her spirit up, and she knows Gold is her only obstacle. Hanoko, bring her back! Fits the role of Cranky Old Lady!We need her to break the seriousness! When Kris breaks down, you make it very, very emotional. When Gold made a reference to *insert gem here* and Kris bombarded him with guilt,Gold probably at the first sentence after that, seemed sad for her, next probably, melodrama.
Storyline: 14.5/20: Interesting. Lots of background here. Though the battles weren't exactly interesting, they were OK. A bit cracky, which is good.
Though I feel like I'm missing something, the Overall is
81/100 maybe? a bit more like 7.9/10. This is a fresh Tomato to make it simple. A very fresh potato! *blinks*I-I-I mean Tomato!