Great story!!! One question... Did Gold's Parent's send him the Teddiursa or what?
Great story!!! One question... Did Gold's Parent's send him the Teddiursa or what?
Well, there weren't really that many interesting Pokemon that suited their personalities, so I had to slightly alter from the games storyline a bit. Let's just say he found it in Dark Cave :D *laughs nervously*
lol well, could you put a few Darkrais and Shaymins in there too? lol
Ha ha *glares* :P They need to be Johto Pokemon. There are very few Johto Pokemon that can be caught on those routes, so Gold catches a Teddiursa that wandered from Blackthorn City and through the Dark Cave :D And now that you mention it, one of them does catch a legendary later on, though it ironically isn't a Johto one, but can be caught in Johto
What? You said you were gonna PM me with all that information but with which pokemon and who gets it? Aww, that's so sweet of you!! lol Will you read and comment on my fanfics please? Be like, Extra mean though?
I'll comment on them when I have the time :)
The Pokeathlon part may be a bit later than the other ones, but I promise it will be out soon
coolio. thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need help thinking of a pun title for the next story, which involves the Pokeathlon. Any ideas?
New part finally!
“We’re going to be late, we aren’t going to make it!”
“If I wasn’t on the bike, I wouldn’t even be moving!”
“Leef Bayleef Bay!”
“Don’t snap at me, we’re nearly there!”
It had been several days since Kris had rebottled Whitney, using a number of status moves and powerful attacks to crush her and her Miltank. Kris had then spent some time enjoying the city, visiting the Department Store, Radio Tower, Global Trading Station, Name Rater, the Game Corner, and had even obtained a bike from a friendly man. While visiting the Magnet Train Station, Kris saw an advertisement for the Pokeathlon: a huge dome where trainers and their Pokemon could take part in a lot of fun games, and win lots of prizes. Kris was interested in going, but she only had a few hours to get there!
Now she was pedalling madly down a stone walkway, the huge blue dome glowing in the distance. Bayleef was running alongside, her feet making the ground shake as she ran.
“I can see it, we’re nearly there!” Kris yelled exuberantly.
“BAY!” Bayleef cried happily, and the two moved as quickly as possible. As they got closer, they were able to make out more details: a number of stalls selling some sort of fruit drink, men and women of all ages and sizes training their Pokemon in a huge square by the ocean, and then the dome itself.
It wasn’t as tall as some of the skyscrapers in Goldenrod, but it was definitely a huge building. It was circular, and painted in varying shades of blue. The top of the dome was retractable glass, which could be opened or closed based on the weather. A huge gold PokeBall was painted in front of the dome, and three large gold points stuck out around the roof.
“This place is so amazing!” Kris said in awe, and stared up at it. But she didn’t realise she was still pedalling, and didn’t look down until she heard Bayleef cry out. Kris looked, and saw she was about to plough straight into a woman!
“AARGGH!” She yelled. The woman turned and gasped, and Kris shut her eyes, preparing for impact. But Bayleef quickly ran forwards and stood between them. Kris’ bike hit her thick hide, and Kris toppled onto her back.
“That was a pretty close call.” The woman said, giggling slightly. Bayleef laughed as well, and Kris couldn’t help blush.
“Sorry about that, it was just so amazing to see the dome.” She explained. The woman nodded, and then stared curiously at her.
“Your Kris Soul, aren’t you?” She asked. Kris was surprised, but then she looked at the girl and realised something.
“Your Chantelle Hartley, Gold’s sister!” Kris gasped. Chantelle was Gold’s oldest sister, and she was second in line, between the eldest child, Winston, and Gold from the Hart Industries heir. She had golden blonde hair, a glorious tan, and a plan white dress which stood out against her dark skin colour. Standing by her was a Ninetales, though it was light yellow like others: it was a blue grey, with blue tips on the end of each tail. This Ninetales looked very mysterious, but had a certain beauty and grace to it.
“That is so gorgeous!” Kris squealed, and leapt out Bayleef and cautiously approached it. Bayleef snorted and looked away huffily.
“This is Thalia, my closest Pokemon friend.” Chantelle explained, and stroked Thalia’s hair.
“Nine.” She said happily.
“Bay Bay Leef.” Bayleef muttered jealously.
“I hear that you’ve been battling my brother a lot lately.” Chantelle said, smiling.
“Oh yeah, we’ve had a few. Nothing major, really.” Kris said with a shrug. Chantelle merely nodded, but her eyes were twinkling knowingly, and she looked across at Bayleef, who seemed to understand and nodded. Kris didn’t want to ask: she could guess what they were silently saying, and didn’t want to know.
“Are you entering the Mixed Course today as well?” Kris asked.
“Oh yes, I am a major Pokeathlete!” Chantelle boomed happily, and pulled a purple case out of her bag. The golden PokeBall was on the front, and when Chantelle opened it, there were three badges: one for Skill, one for Speed, and one for Jump.
“I’ve won three courses over the past four months.” Chantelle explained. “The Mixed Course badge can be substituted for any other badge, and I have been struggling with the Power and Stamina, so I hope to win this one and get one step closer to carrying on in my quest!”
“Oh wow, that’s so cool!” Kris exclaimed, and she and Bayleef examined the shiny gold ribbons. “What’s this card for?” Kris asked, and pointed at a piece of blue plastic.
“That’s the registration card. You need it to be able to compete and to record all your information.” Chantelle explained.
“Bugger, I don’t have one yet!” Kris gasped.
“Bayleef Bay!” Bayleef cried, and began to pull Kris forwards towards the dome.
“Wait up, we’ll come with” Chantelle called, and she and Thalia ran forwards. The four girls all rushed forwards and ran through the parting glass doors. But despite the urgency of the situation, Kris came to a halt.
The lobby was even more spectacular than the dome itself. The floor was made of black-blue tiles, which seemed to glow an eerie colour. There were purple poles, connected by glowing rainbow pipes, which explained and showed each of the courses. There were vending machines, escalators leading up to the stands, and the long desks: one was were you registered and walked onto the field, the other was where you obtained your prizes. There was probably around one hundred people crowded into the hall, though the majority were all heading up the escalators to go in the stands. Kris twirled around, taking in all the sights and surroundings.
“Don’t do that, you look like an idiot.” Kris froze and turned around. Gold was standing with his Croconaw, arms crossed and a smirk on their faces. Kris hadn’t seen him since he had stormed off angrily from their battle, something that had been puzzling her ever since. Gold was wearing a blue vest and blue shorts, and had a white T-Shirt underneath.
“Are you entering as well?” Kris groaned. Gold simply grinned.
“I might finally be able to beat you.” He said maliciously. “Hello Chantelle.”
“Ethan.” Chantelle replied icily. Gold merely raised an eyebrow and smirked.
“I am going to get ready. See you both on the field!” And he and Croconaw walked off. But after a few metres, Gold froze and looked back. “There’s someone over there you might like to talk to.” And pointed towards the registration stand. Kris, Chantelle, Bayleef and Thalia looked over.
Three people were there: one was a bald man wearing a yellow version of Gold’s outfit. His back was turned, and he appeared to be talking to Professor Elm. He was wearing thick sunglasses, a white cap, and had taken his lab coat off, but it was definitely him. And standing next to him was a woman. Her back was turned, but Kris recognised the rainbow coloured dress she was wearing, and the matching bandanna on her head. Without even thinking, Kris ran happily through the crowd.
“MUM!” She yelled. Persephone Soul stopped and turned around. Her surprise turned to delight, and she ran forwards to hug her daughter.
“You’ve grown so much!” Persephone whispered into her daughter’s ear.
“Mum, it’s only been a month!” Kris laughed, blushing slightly. Even though there was still a lot of noise in the hall, the two blocked out all other noises. Bayleef was looking curiously at Persephone, but Professor Elm wandered over and spoke to her, and Bayleef nuzzled the Professor. Gold stared over at the two, smirking to himself, before walking out onto the pitch.
“It may have been only a month, but I’ve have missed you, Hooty as well.” Persephone said, her eyes getting wet. “We have been lonely, but at least we know you are fulfilling your dream.” The two broke apart, and both had tears falling down their faces. Professor Elm walked over with Bayleef, who walked up towards Persephone and sniffed her.
“Hello there Kris, I hope your journey is going well.” Professor Elm said chirpily.
“It is going well: three badges and forty species.” Kris said proudly, and wiped back the tears.
“That’s excellent!” Elm boomed happily. “It was good to see you. I actually came to see a friend compete, and had an extra ticket so brought your mother in case you showed up.”
“Lucky thing indeed.” Persephone chuckled, as she stroked Bayleef’s huge green leaf. Kris smiled, and felt right at home, when suddenly Chantelle grabbed her arm.
“Sorry to interrupt, but we have to register you, now!” She said urgently, and dragged her towards the desk. Persephone and Professor Elm waved goodbye, and departed up the escalator. Kris waved back: she wanted to stay with them, but she had to do this! Bayleef galloped over and smiled.
“Do you like my mum?”
“BAY!” Bayleef replied happily. Thalia strutted past and sat by Chantelle, who began filling in the forms for Kris. With nothing to do, the preteen girl turned towards the bald man filling in his form. He wasn’t familiar from the back, but when he looked up, Kris recognised the wrinkled face, tufty brown eyebrows, and slight drooped expression.
“Kris! How are you, m’dear?” Bill boomed in delight. Bill had created the Pokemon PC system years ago, but was getting too old and fragile to be running the whole business as much. He had assistance from major business partners in Sevii, Hoenn and Sinnoh, and junior executives as well. And due to his immense fortune, Bill owned several properties. Kris had met him at his Goldenrod flat, where he gives out Eevee’s to worthy trainers.
“How is that Eevee of yours going?” Bill asked, as he handed his form over.
“She is doing very well. I think her happiness is nearly at it’s highest point!” Kris explained exuberantly. But then something that had been bugging her came up on her mind. “Did you give one to Gold as well?”
“Oh yes, your Eevee’s twin, actually.” Bill replied, making Kris and Bayleef gasp.
“I was wondering if they knew each other when they battled, but the
fact they are twins is amazing!”
“My Pokemon have a lot of twins, it is too be expected.” Bill shrugged. A woman walked up on the other side of the desk. She had pink hair and kindly face.
“Sir, they are ready for you.”
“Excellent!” Bill boomed. “See you out on the field then Kris.” And he walked towards the gate. Kris; jaw dropped and she looked at Chantelle.
“He’s competing as well?”
“Bill always does them.” Chantelle replied, and passed Kris’ form over. Kris was so surprised by the speed and surprises of the dome, and found her excitement being pulled out from here: everything was happening too quickly! Suddenly, Chantelle passed over a green tracksuit, while holding a pink one herself.
“I have to get changed, right!” Kris mumbled.
“Yeah, you do, and fast!” Chantelle said, and pulled her through the gate. The tunnel was dark and smelt bad, but there was light at the end leading to the pitch.
“Put your suit on, choose your three Pokemon and get mentally and
physically ready!” Chantelle cried excitedly. “The Pokeathlon starts in two minutes!”
Nice part, it sets up nicely for the next part
*Two thumbs up*
You've really gotten a lot better since the first chapter, IMHO. I really like this story, and I'll be waiting at the edge of my seat for the next installment.
I've finally got round to reading this, and so far I'm very impressed.
It's kind of ironic that, in the games, Gold (or Ethan, whatever) is sort of your mentor, while Silver is the rival. Are you sure Team Rocket haven't morphed the two together? *laughs* Because in this story, Gold is almost a Silver clone! Not that that's a bad thing. I love it! Of course, he's not completely like Silver, because he does tell Kris about the presence of her mother, and he's not always calling her weak. But apart from that...
And on to the main story. I am particularly liking the Pokéathlon part. Kris certainly has a challenge, what with Bill and Gold competing. *gasps* I also like the twin Eevees.
There are a few punctuation mistakes which could be corrected, like:
That apostrophe shouldn't be there, because Eevees is a plural, not possessive. Or you could just write Eevee, because I think that can also function as a plural when it comes to Pokémon names.Quote:
where he gives out Eevee’s to worthy trainers
Well, apart from that, great story!
I like this a lot so far. It'll be nice to see the epic war at the last chapter (as long as it's not a tie, please, please don't let it be a tie (as if anything I say would really change the plot... :D))
Agreeing with Niknak, but Gold does seem like a pseudo Silver, especially with Feraligatr and Tyranitar (owned by Silver in Pokemon Special, which is what I'm basing most of this stuff on, and your banner. Of course, that could be wrong, but it seems right so far...)
Twin Eevee... interesting, seeing as there are technically no twins in the Pokemon Games... but your fic isn't based on the games, from what I can tell, so you're in the clear there.
You're doing great so far. While I would personally love to see some things, such as how, when, where, and why Kris catches the half of her team that we only see for a few sentences in one chapter, you've done a great job.